Grey's Anatomy star Katherine Heigl seized a golden opportunity and went out for a jog during Los Angeles's magic hour last night. Once she moved past the smog, traffic snarls, and unsavory characters that lined the streets, the beauty of the city surprised Heigl. However, Heigl could not escape a group of photographers who popped out of bushes, trees, and water fountains as she ran. Heigl stopped mid-stride and asked, "Can't I just work on my fitness without you and your entire posse snappily judging me? I need to get in shape for my man, the rocker. No, not the Rainn Wilson variety. He's more like the John Mayer variety, minus all that Jennifer Aniston bashing. Love her, btw. Now, either let me jog in peace or go fetch me a purple-flavored Vitamin Water from the 7-11."

[Photo Credit: X17]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

Boomp3.com

After a grueling day of filming on the set of his latest blockbuster, Shia LaBeouf grabbed the nearest sandbag and decided to take a bit of a disco nap. However, a group of tourists got the shock of their life when they passed by the snoozing star and thought he had fallen asleep in the hot sun without applying any Banana Boat. One bold tourist took it upon himself to check out the status of LaBeouf and poked the Eagle Eye star with the business end of a boom mic. LaBeouf quickly popped up from his siesta muttering something about Ren Stevens before putting up his dukes.

[Photo Credit: X17]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

Boomp3.com

Pregnant Juno star Jennifer Garner asked if the snappers surrounding her could take about ten big steps back before she entered a medical building. As a woman with child, Garner needs all the space that she can get. Garner added, "I'm showing, not like Minnie Driver showing, but us pregnant women can explode at any moment. And in the best interest of me, you, and your sneakers, let's take a couple of steps back and let move on by."

[Photo Credit: X17 ]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

Boomp3.com

In addition to catching an eyeful of Megan Fox upon his return to the Transformers set, Shia LaBeouf also received a very thorough and meticulous ass buffing with an industrial strength feather duster. In the midst of his ass buffing, LaBeouf said, "Michael Bay really knows how to make an actor feel welcomed. At first, it's a weird sensation, but after awhile, it feels like a tiny kitten delightfully romping in a dewy meadow." Although, the first shot of the day was delayed for a couple of moments when the crew realized that LaBeouf enjoyed his buffing a bit too much.

[Photo Credit: X17]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

"Sharon called him and he showed the caller ID to everyone," a source tells the mag. "She's really into him and even asked him to come with her to Mexico."

Pictured below is Dreyfus contemplating the offer: "On the one hand, Mexico sounds totally fun, as Sharon has all the vitality and sexual stamina of women half her age, enhanced by the confidence and wisdom that comes along with that. On the other hand, that Brazilian cocktail waitress with the ass that just won't quit seems less likely to stab me with a pair of kitchen scissors if I try to break up with her. I'm so torn!"

[Photo credit: X17]

• Sharon Stone’s new boy toy [In Touch]

Boomp3.com

Beloved actress Anne Hathaway embarked on a mini walk of shame outside of Coco De Ville Tuesday night. The Get Smart star, who recently split from con man & Zach Braff look alike Raffaello Follieri, allegedly had a lapse in judgment and gave reality TV maven Brody Jenner her number. At the valet station, Hathaway confessed to a BFF that she was suckered in by Jenner's frat boy charm. Hathaway sighed, "He had a backwards hat on and, well, I don't know....He just seemed like a guy who wouldn't be able pull off an elaborate con involving the Vatican, which is exactly the kind of guy I'm looking to rebound with. And he was wearing a backwards hat."

[Photo Credit: X17]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

There was/is a huge Wolverine set being recently used. I'm not even sure which lot it was built on, but the look or mood of the set is, according to a source who was told Hood's view of things, supposed to be on the dark, dinghy and somber side. I only know what I was told, but the basics are that Hood was away from the set for whatever reason (shooting something else, taking a day or two off), and when he returned to the big somber set he was shocked to find that it had been repainted top to bottom on Rothman's orders. The murky-scuzzy vibe was gone, and a brighter and less downish look had taken its place.

Perhaps Rothman has taken his fan letter from Steven Spielberg too much to heart, but a child-friendly Wolverine feels less "X" and more "Y?" Does this mean his bristly greeting of "Bub" will be redubbed "Buddy," or his iconic cigar will be replaced with a pixie stick? C'mon, Tom: Wolvie isn't meant for buoyant musical numbers — or don't you remember what happened last time?

• He Da Boss [Hollywood Elsewhere]

Boomp3.com

As a charter member of the Hollywood Welcome Wagon, Jeremy Piven did his best to welcome the city's newest resident on the set of Entourage. Piven listened intently as the woman explained her trials and tribulations in the big city of dreams and the differences here and back home in St. Paul, Minnesota. Piven confided to the woman that he also was a reformed midwesterner as well. Piven said, "After you have that first double-double from In-N-Out and watch the sunrise in Malibu and then get grossed out by a tranny on Santa Monica Blvd, you'll never want to go back there." Piven also slipped the woman his business card and said that the card would be for two free drinks at the Green Door on Thursday night.

[Photo Credit: X17]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

Boomp3.com

Megan "Foxy" Fox gave her ailing Transformers co-star Shia LeBeouf more than eyeful when he returned to work this week. In addition to helping her injured co-star feel better, Fox used the opportunity to settle a bet amongst the crew about whether her pair were both real and spectacular (hint: they are). Fox also added, "If Heigl thinks her girls are fierce, wait until she gets a load of these bad boys."

[Photo Credit: X17]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

boomp3.com

The fingernails of Al Pacino sent tongues a-wagging at Madeo's on Sunday night. The iconic actor was seen sporting blue nail polish. When asked about it, Pacino said that he got a bit of Dodger fever. Pacino also told others at the famed Italian eatery that his kids got a little crazy at Color Me Mine and did a number on his fingers. Pacino added, "I just didn't have the heart to wash it off in front of them. They just did such a wonderful job. Maybe they want me to lighten up."

[Photo Credit: X17]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

Boomp3.com

Sporting crisp white jeans and a v-neck shirt, Samantha Ronson took her invisible pitbull on a walk in Larchmont with gal pal Lindsay Lohan. Lohan appeared to be extremely receptive, nearly beaming with pride over Ronson's mini-makeover from black jeans and rock tees. Lohan said, "The summer is over in a couple of weeks, but it's great to see Sammy finally embrace it. And she's also ready for the fall with the cute flannel." Lohan did not want to get her hopes up, but she believed that this is a step in the right direction for Ronson and that a shopping trip to Hollister is probably in their near future.

[Photo Credit: X17]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

Boomp3.com

An irate Malibu resident objected to iconic actor Dustin Hoffman's choice of t-shirt over the weekend. The woman didn't believe that the term "fruitcake" accurately described Hoffman and his career. The woman said, "You're not a fruitcake, Mr. Hoffman. You're a legend. A national treasure. Now, my sister who lives in Florida, she's the fruitcake. No kids, but she's got a spare room full of those little Hummel figurines and distressed Pepsi bottles. I mean, old Pepsi bottles as far as the eyes can see. Who does that?" Hoffman was sorry to hear about the woman's sister and explained that it was a gag shirt. The woman then told the Tootsie star that she understands the role of the gag shirt in society, but that Hoffman shouldn't be stooping to that level.

[Photo Credit: X17]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

Popular internet personality Lindsay Lohan left the grand opening of Apple Lounge with the aid of a handsome, unidentified man on Thursday night. Lohan's life long chum/personal DJ, Samantha Ronson, was shocked to see her personal Peppermint Patty walking hand-in-hand with another person. Ronson then approached the man, readjusted her hat and asked, "'Ey yo! Bro, where you going with my peppermint? I mean do you have permission to touch my peppermint?" Lohan told Sam to chillax and that the man was just helping her out of the lounge and everything will be cool once they share a smoke.

[Photo Credit: X17]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

DEFAMER: Russell, since American audiences are still becoming familiar with you, we wanted to see how familiar you are with the tastes of the American audience.
RUSSELL: Right.
DEFAMER: So we're going to give you the Defamer American Pop Culture Literacy Test. I'm just going to throw out famous names and you tell me whether you know them and what your take is on each.
RUSSELL: OK!

DEFAMER: We'll start out easy before we get a little more obscure. Here's a gimme: Lindsay Lohan.
RUSSELL: Lindsay Lohan is an actress. I believe she was in a Herbie film? She's become notorious for her off-stage and -screen exploits and her tabloid lifestyle. I believe she has been connected to drugs, sauciness, and sexiness in equal measure, though she seems like a nice girl to me.
DEFAMER: She does love the Brits. She had a British boyfriend, and now she's got a British girlfriend.
RUSSELL: Her girlfriend is British?!
DEFAMER: Yeah, Samantha Ronson.
RUSSELL: That's fantastic! I'd like to take this opportunity to thank Lindsay Lohan for her promotion of English sex.
DEFAMER: Here's another easy one: Amy Winehouse.
RUSSELL: Amy has been on several of my television shows in the United Kingdom. She's a very talented and beautiful girl and in my house, to this day, I have a Mexican doll that for a while lived in her hair.
DEFAMER: [laughs]
RUSSELL: You know those Mexican worry dolls? Or maybe they're Colombian. You sort of tell it your worries. She took it out of her hair once, gave it to me, and I treasure that little worry doll.
DEFAMER: Who wouldn't? OK, we're going to get a little harder. Zac Efron.
RUSSELL: Zac Efron is from High School Musical. Now whilst I've not seen this, because I don't think I belong to its target demographic, I recognize that it's a significant thing. It's sort of like this generation's Grease.
DEFAMER: Lil' Wayne.
RUSSELL: Lil' Wayne is a hip-hop artist and rapper, dreadlocked, with teardrops tattooed on his face. He is also known as "Weezy," and this is not because he is asthmatic. He seems to me to be a terrific poet.
DEFAMER: Somebody's been studying his Wikipedia!
RUSSELL: Good, wasn't it?
DEFAMER: Yeah, not bad!
RUSSELL: I haven't done any Wikipedia studies. I just happen to have an interest in Lil' Wayne, because I think he ignores a lot of copyright stuff to sort of rap over it. I think he's a pioneer.
DEFAMER: Miley Cyrus.
RUSSELL: Miley Cyrus is the teenager daughter of "Achy Breaky Heart" singer Billy Ray Cyrus. She is confusingly attractive, and to people under the age of eighteen, she is probably the biggest star in the world. She is the Madonna of tweenies.
DEFAMER: Speaking of tweenies: The Jonas Brothers.
RUSSELL: The Jonas Brothers is a band. They're all actual brothers and they all came out of the same womb, where many have said they studiously rehearsed their instruments. How the Jonas Mother was able to keep an amp in her uterus is one of the greatest mysteries, because them boys were born already possessing an incredible talent.
DEFAMER: How about your familiarity with MTV shows? Do you know of The Hills?
RUSSELL: I believe it's about some girls that go around and get off with people and wear nice dresses. They have the general air of louche attractiveness and easy availability.
DEFAMER: Pretty accurate. Let's move on to some of the news stories that Americans are talking about. Right now, we're all wondering what was up with this Christian Bale assault case, and maybe you can explain it to me. Apparently in the UK, you can go to jail for verbal assault? What's up with that?
RUSSELL: In England, we have such good manners that if someone says something impolite, the police will get involved. Christian Bale, I believe whilst in a restaurant, rolled his eyes at the lighting. That is an offense punishable by five years in prison in the United Kingdom. I admire Christian Bale and I think he's one of the greatest living actors on the planet currently, but we cannot shirk when it comes to good manners. If it's true that he also dropped a napkin on his way to the lavatory, then I think that he should possibly receive the death penalty.
DEFAMER: How about the U.S. presidential election? Do you follow it at all?
RUSSELL: I think that the idea of democracy is an illusion and regardless of who becomes president, the status quo will maintain power. It's irrelevant who you select as the totem of power in the country, because the country will be run in the same way — but I would rather have a black president than a white one. I would have ideally liked a hermaphrodite president, if it was up to me entirely, but until a hermaphrodite stands, I'll support Obama.
DEFAMER: Maybe we'll get there someday.
RUSSELL: Well, one can only hope that the rights of hermaphrodites will be recognized! Yeah, a hermaphrodite president — I just haven't found a hermaphrodite whose policies I agree with, even though I do like the idea of having mutual, opposed genitals.
DEFAMER: Lastly, I want to know your thoughts on the most important issue of our time...
RUSSELL: Yes.
DEFAMER: ...Brad and Angelina just had the twins.
RUSSELL: Thank God. The thing is that they're both so stupidly beautiful and good-looking and attractive that their children are born looking gorgeous! It's unsettling. That first one they had, she had sort of a Marilyn Monroe mouth. I don't think they should breed, those two people. I think their adoption policy is probably better because when their genes come together, it creates a storm of attractiveness so potent that it could one day bring down the planet.
DEFAMER: And no one needs all that on a baby.
RUSSELL: No one needs that on a baby! No one needs a baby with eight-inch-long eyelashes.
DEFAMER: All right, Russell. Congratulations on passing your quiz!
RUSSELL: Pretty good, wasn't it? Didn't I do well?

boomp3.com

Under Siege 2: Dark Territory star Katherine Heigl performed a bit of light calisthenics before embarking on a shopping expedition in Santa Monica on Tuesday morning. You see, Heigl got bit of a charlie horse the last time she went to Barney's in Beverly Hills, which left her in a surly mood for a few days afterwards. Heigl said, "That injury really knocked the wind out of my sails. I could barely walk for a few days afterwards. It was great having everybody helping me out. Joshua make daily runs over to the House Of Pies for the chocolate crème pie. It was nice, but I was bit of a pill and there's no need for a repeat performance."

[Photo Credit: X17]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

Boomp3.com

New mother Jessica Alba found herself momentarily confused while in the dairy section of her local supermarket. Alba was surprised to see how many different types of creamers and non-dairy creamers they have in stock when all she wanted was just to find the one that they serve at her nearby coffee place. After staring at all of her dairy options for nearly five minutes, Alba just blindly selected a creamer and hoped that she would not have to face any more equally daunting decisions for at least another few days.

[Photo Credit: X17]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

boomp3.com

Popular tween superstar Miley "Milerz" Cyrus could've used a little assistance from her partner in crime Mandy "Manderz" Jiroux as the twosome left a Southern California shopping center. Cyrus politely asked for Jiroux to carry at least one of the bags while walking to the car, adding that Jiroux could borrow the "totally sweet" Ed Hardy tank top she got if she carried one of the bags. Jiroux said, "It's either I give you a ride home or I carry one of your bags to the bus stop and we're quite away from Burbank, pumpkin. And you know that I'm going to borrow that tank top either way." Attempting to figure out the distance between the mall and Burbank, Cyrus soldiered on with all of her bags.

[Photo Credit: X17]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

• Previously: The Top 10 TV Characters Men Want To Be Like And Women Want To Be With [Defamer]

boomp3.com

Before embarking on a sailing expedition to U2 front man Bono's house, silver fox George Clooney went over all the safety procedures for the yacht with his passengers. After his presentation — which included a PowerPoint slideshow explaining which side is port and which is starboard — Clooney wore a life preserver until the seafaring vessel docked at Bono's. While some of his passengers laughed at him, The Cloonester stood firm, largely because his aunt Rosemary always told him that he should be a leader, not a follower.

[Photo Credit: X17]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

boomp3.com

A fretful Reese Witherspoon asked the women at a Brentwood nail salon if it would be okay for her to drive home with wet nails. The Little Nicky star has had numerous manicures in the past, but seemed unsure if her nails were completely dry yet. The nail technicians assured Witherspoon that her fingernails were dry and completely safe for driving. Witherspoon looked at her manicure one more time and asked if they could run a hair dryer over them before heading she got behind the wheel.

[Photo Credit: X17]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

boomp3.com

Looks like Lindsay Lohan will be adding another skill onto her acting resume as she showcased her fire-breathing ability at Bar Pitti on Monday afternoon. The Chapter 27 star was keen on impressing headwear raconteur Samantha Ronson with hew newfound skill and lighted her cigarette using only her mouth. However, the giant flame emitted by Lohan shocked a few customers, which resulted in the staff of the eatery to politely ask her to refrain from flaming up the joint.

[Photo Credit: X17]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

boomp3.com

Before embarking on a late summer vacation, momanger extraordinaire Nancy Heigl promised to reward her daughter/client Katherine Heigl with a mysterious envelope if she does a good job housesitting for a week. Katherine begged her mother for a clue, but Mrs. Heigl refused and said that the Roswell star would have to wait until she gets back. Mrs. Heigl said, "All I need you to do is make sure the new episode of Mad Men doesn't get deleted and you'll be happily surprised by the contents inside the pink envelope. And no Grey's Anatomy read throughs either. You know how rowdy they can get." Katherine pouted, but then Mrs. Heigl waved the envelope in her daughter's face and the frown quickly turned upside down.

[Photo Credit: X17]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

Scoring: There's no such thing as partying too hard; therefore, you haven't been. High five! Here's your box office numbers, brah:

1. The Dark Knight - $75.63 million
Have we grown tired of The Dark Knight yet? While MomzoGate gave off the faint whiff of shark-jumping, audience interest in Christopher Nolan's epochal tale of good vs. unwashed hair showed no signs of waning. Its total grosses for Warner Bros. now hover somewhere around an astounding $312 million—and that doesn't even include additional revenues derived from cross-promotions like The Dark Whopper, Australian Burger King's broodiest batburger yet! (Apparently they also flip a coin to see if you'll either get a free order of onion rings, or watch your first born son get his head shot off. Those Aussies aren't fucking around with their Dark Knight tie-ins.)

2. Step Brothers - $30 million
The simple comedy arithmetic of double the imbecilic man-children = double the fun seems to have played itself out nicely for Sony's Step Brothers, as this heartwarming A Very Special Brady story took in a robust 30 mil, with four-out-of-five moviegoers rating it as "funnier the first time, when it was called Dumb and Dumber."

3. Mamma Mia! - $17.865 million
In a strange and beautiful accident of nature, a variety of aquatic mammals—small whales, manatees, and the like—have beached themselves outside the doors of theaters screening this ebullient ABBA-musical, drawn to the siren song of Pierce Brosnan's otherworldly vocal stylings. Fear not: They've been relocated to The Grove's dancing waters, where they seem to be perfectly happy surviving off any Cheesecake Factory leftovers tossed to them by visitors.

4. The X-Files: I Want to Believe - $10.2 million
Sadly, not every beloved franchise to return to the big screen after an extended absence was greeted with the enthusiasm of a Sex and the City, as the tepidly reviewed The X-Files: You Had Me Until The Anal-Probe Business failed to attract much more than the most ardent Scullyite fundamentalists.

5. Journey to the Center of the Earth - $9.415 million
At virtually any screening of this 3-D sci-fi spectacular, you'll see a crowd of delighted children in plastic glasses waving their hands out in front of their faces, attempting unsuccessfully to get a feel of Brendan Fraser's amazingly lifelike self-respect. It's like it's actually there!

• WEEKEND BOX OFFICE July 25–27, 2008 [Box Office Mojo]

boomp3.com

Kate Beckinsale displayed a bit of political wishful thinking as she set up decorations for a party on Sunday. Beckinsale believes that a Obama/Clinton ticket would be the perfect ticket to ensure that Democrats once again control the country. Beckinsale said, "They seem like the kind of politicians that you want to go on vacation with and those are the kind of leaders I want to support. If I was happen to vote." Beckinsale then set up up a standee of Iron Man dunking over a standee of Zac Efron.

[Photo Credit: X17]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

Even though its B.O. numbers didn't exactly scream "Sequel!", the folks behind 1999's The Thomas Crown Affair, also known as Yet Another Chance For Pierce Brosnan To Convince Us He's Charming, are in pre-production mode for the second installment, slated for a 2009 release. The film's original female lead, Rene Russo, intelligently declined to participate in the inevitable disaster, leading producers to seek out Jolie as her replacement. The only glitch? Said folks have worked with Jolie before on Wanted, and reportedly fear another round of Lohan-esque fainting spells the then-skinny-as-a-rail Jolie kept experiencing while on set. As a result, they're said to be requiring their leading lady to pack on 30 pounds. As in, now. One week after giving birth to twins. Which begs the question: is it possible that Jolie has sped far ahead of post-pregnancy slim fast stars Jessica Alba and J. Lo in shedding her tent-dress-requiring baby weight already? And if not, why the need for this unnecessary sequel to star such a "weighty" co-star?

Ah, yes. The role is that of an "action woman." Because Jolie hasn't ever portrayed a gunfire-equipped, stunt scene-ready, action hero before or anything.

[Photo credits: X17, Wireimage]

• EXCLUSIVE: ANGELINA JOLIE'S TWINS CONCEIVED THROUGH IN VITRO [Us]
• ANGELINA JOLIE'S WEIGHTY ROLE [Female First]

boomp3.com

Jessica Biel: Hey, do you want to go to the park today? Play with the other dogs?
Jessica Biel's Dog: Too hot for park today. Also, there are too many people there. Way too many.
J.B.: Well, do you want to go a movie? Catch that new Batman movie?
J.B.D: I saw it the other day with the dog from next door. We went to the Bridge. I'll never make that mistake again.
J.B.: Why's that?
J.B.D: It's like a smaller version of City Walk. Ugh. If it's not the Arclight, then it's probably bullshit. You know what I mean?
J.B.: Yeah....So, what do you want to do today?
J.B.D.: Do you want to get a smoothie?
J.B.: Nah. Do you just want to sit in front of a fan and do Darth Vader impressions?
J.B.D.: Best idea I heard all day.

[Photo Credit: X17]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

While James' blonde co-star in grainy quasi-sex tape magic does admittedly have one hell of a (fake) rack, we fear this aspirational photo shoot most likely filmed in an effort to turn Blunt into the next Dirk Diggler and Dourdan into the next Buck Swope will flop — mainly due to that extraneous boat-climbing fellow with the overly tight Hawaiian trunks and Blunt's far-from-beautiful paunch.

[Photo credits: X17]

• POSH BLUNT'S TOPLESS BABES [The Sun]

boomp3.com

All those of hours of practice and hard work finally paid off for Reese Witherspoon and her bulldog as they successfully struck a similar pose on their way to Fred Segal. Witherspoon was inspired by the CBS reality series Greatest American Dog and wanted to have a symbiotic relationship with the pup. Witherspoon didn't want to become a crazy dog lady, but she realized that her bulldog was just too cute to not pal around with while in Hollywood.

[Photo Credit: X17]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

boomp3.com

David Faustino launched his own dog walking business Wednesday afternoon in Hollywood. Faustino got the idea to start the business after seeing a couple of neighborhood kids earn five bucks for walking his next door neighbor's dog. Faustino said, "I like to walk. I like the fresh air. I like to make money and I got some time on my hands. And since I kind of like dogs, the whole thing just clicked. So, here I am today with my first client, Officer Scraps." Bud's Buddies, the name of Faustino's business, is currently serving the Hollywood area; the cost is five dollars per dog, plus a small fee if Faustino has to scoop up any dog business.

[Photo Credit: X17]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

boomp3.com

After the Tuesday night Coldplay concert in Inglewood, the maybe star of Inglorious Bastards Leonardo DiCaprio tried to make a quick exit. Unfortunately for DiCaprio, assortments of photographers were ready to greet him by his luxury car. Like a man whose just been caught cheating, DiCaprio reluctantly admitted that he likes Coldplay, but only "about this much."

[Photo Credit: X17]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

According to Fox News, Fox blames her recent dramatic weight loss on a role in Jennifer's Body, a comedic horror film penned by bloggy-inclined Oscar winner Diablo Cody in which Fox plays a "possessed cheerleader." But master fauxter Bay, demanding as ever, has forced Fox to stuff herself silly with late night binges in order to bulk up for Transformers 2: More Shit Blows Up! And as for poor Anne Hathaway? Not only has she allegedly dropped almost 30 pounds in the few weeks since thieving ex-boyfriend Rafaello Follieri finally got nailed, but she's also said to be "throwing herself" into work on Bride Wars, that glee-filled set where disguising her hatred for co-star Kate Hudson has become close to impossible. But hey, at least now Anne can come out the winner in those infamous skirt size comparisons she and Hudson indulge in every time the cameras stop rolling!

[Photo credits: X17, Wireimage, Getty]

• SCARY SKINNY MEGAN FOX STOPPED EATING, FORCED TO GAIN WEIGHT [Fox News]
• HEARTBROKEN ANNE HATHAWAY DROPS 'TWO STONE' AFTER SPLIT FROM JAILED BUSINESSMAN [Daily Mail]

boomp3.com

After being dropped off in Inglewood for the Coldplay concert, Eva Longoria Parker and husband Tony Parker checked their respective messages on their new iPhones. Yet the twosome became so enchanted with their new phones that they missed the concert altogether. Longoria Parker had noticed that they missed the show when the car service came back to pick them up. The driver asked if they enjoyed the concert after pulling up, but Longoria Parker thought that the man had just dropped them off. The Over Her Dead Body star realized that they had been spending all their time on their phones. Longoria asked if her husband knew that they had missed the concert, but Parker said that he had been watching Coldplay videos on YouTube; so, it was similar to being at the concert, only minus the spilt beer smell.

[Photo Credit: X17]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

10. Gift certificate to California Closets – Storing pocketless leggings will never be a problem again.
9. Offer to "bind" scripts in brown paper bags – It sounds silly, but little Lindsay never experienced high school
8. Black Sharpies – "I Love Samster" "Lindsay Lohan"
7. Silk boxers
6. Dinner at Pink Taco – Harry Morton will take night off
5. Georgia O'Keefe painting
4. 5 cases of Red Bull and a threesome with a Marilyn Monroe impersonator – Fulfills dreams on several levels
3. Hat rack specifically designed for Fedoras
2. Mix Tapes – Don't worry, Ronson is hip and old school. You can tell from the t-shirts she wears
1. Large tube of 100 SPF sunscreen — Why risk cancer when A) you're pale skinned and B) you've found the love of your life?

Happy anniversary, kids!

[Photo Credit: X17]

• Lindsay Lohan Samantha Ronson Text Message I Love You [Popcrunch]

Admittedly, the tousled blondie Moses would probably look very hot to trot in a pair of Mom's tarantula heels, but being the devoted maternal icon Gwyneth is, we hope she puts a stop to this cross-dressing business at footwear considering the kid can barely walk yet. And Paltrow makes sure to backpedal on the overshare with People by adding that "[Apple] doesn't put makeup on him!" Phew! As long as gollops of Merlot-shaded lipstick and inch-long eyelash extensions aren't included in Apple's bag of cross-dressing tricks, we can all breathe a sigh of relief that Moses won't follow in the footsteps of Brad Pitt penis-envying Chris Martin, who wound up so bicurious he became convinced Gwyneth's "boobs are fantastic" just to straighten out.

[Photo credits: X17, FilmMagic]

• GWYNETH PALTROW: APPLE MAKES MOSES CROSS-DRESS! [People]

Among the quips Alba sounds off on in the mag is an overly candid series of musings on that doggone baby weight: "I never felt less sexy...I mean, I wouldn't have changed it for the world ... but I wanted to get rid of all the weight." And this whole sexy trademark of hers that serves as the sole reason behind her fame? All show and no tell: "I always used to meet the wrong guys – the ones who wanted to hang out for a week and see how far they could get. If you didn't have sex in the first few days, you were either frigid or a lesbian. So I held out." Note to these guys: a simple viewing of Into The Blue is probably just as good as having to have actual sex with the sourpuss anyway. As for her non-pants-wearing hubby No Cash Cash Warren? "I love that he's not an actor. I'm way too high maintenance to be in a relationship with an actor – they're all such divas!" Um, calling yourself a diva in the same breath as calling yourself high-maintenance? Heigl alert!

Maybe because she gave the interview to a Brit glossy, maybe because she's suffering from that silly glib disorder that served as a catalyst for the Brooke Shields/Tom Cruise War of the Mentally Unstable Worlds, or maybe Alba is just, simply, annoying. But her casual remarks on pregnancy and dating have earned her official membership in the two-member High And Mighty For No Reason club proudly presided over by the original unmerited diva herself, "Katie" Heigl.

[Photo credit: X17]

• JESSICA ALBA ON PREGNANCY: 'I NEVER FELT LESS SEXY' [People]

boomp3.com

Spider Man star Tobey Maguire showed the paparazzi that they wouldn't like him when he's angry while attempting to leave Madeo in West Hollywood. The persistent flash from the cavalcade of paps enraged Maguire, but it was their relentless begging for Maguire's leftovers that really set him off.

[Photo Credit: X17]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

Tom's macho, chest-baring role in Top Gun was less about getting the girl than it was about male bonding, a topic the VP's Military Man knows quite a bit about. And Cruise's shiny leather vest and gelled back hair in Magnolia surely taught him a thing or two about squeezing larger than life pecs into confining fabrics, though a quick viewing of Leatherman's moves will provide guidance on how to bust a move when it's raining men.

Tom spent some time propping a rock hard construction hat atop his pretty mane while overseeing a Crenshaw construction project last year, but we're sure some practice would lead to Cruise mastering the VP Construction Guy's ability to wear that hat without mussing up a 'do. Of course Cruise will have to add some bling to his Independence Day get-up to look as tricked out as the VP Cowboy, and we highly suggest he arm himself as the group's resident cop did, while playing a German officer overseas.

And no, we would never forget the 70s group's peacocked out Indian chief, but without any Dances With Wolves-esque parts on his resume, we suggest summoning fellow nutcase and tribal expert Mel Gibson to step in as Tom's mentor. As long as no one mentions the fact that Cruise is portraying a gay guy dressed head to toe in feathers and plumes, all should be well.

[Photo credits: rotten.com, nerve.com, Bear's Garage, X17]

boomp3.com

In an attempt to scare away an swarm of photographers surrounding U2 front man Bono's French home, respected actor Robert De Niro recited some of his more intimidating and memorable film lines. Unfortunately for De Niro and Bono's houseguests, the scary line readings only garnered laughs from the French photographers, as well as wishes/desires for De Niro to do another comedy. De Niro threw his hands up in the air and suggested that if they play some of Bono's music that might make the photogs leave.

[Photo Credit: X17]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

1) The “Collapse” That Wasn’t: First of all, who hasn’t tripped once or twice when leaving a bar? Secondly, when someone like little MK leaves a bar, she doesn’t find herself in some empty vacant parking lot — she’s surrounded by handlers, paparazzi towering something like twelve feet above her head, and maneuvering her way to a ride involves all kinds of obstacles, from curbs uneasily managed while wearing four-inch heels to flashbulbs making it nearly impossible to see where the hell she’s going. Stumbling (kind of gracefully) briefly during a clusterfuck like that does not a “collapse” make.

2) The Mythical Heath/Mary-Kate Romance Remains Purely...Mythical: We won’t point any fingers (since pointing one of those fingers at ourselves just isn’t fun), but more than a few gossips and reporters launched a baseless theory immediately following Ledger’s tragic death, that he and Olsen had been dating at the time. A few scattered clues, including his masseuse’s decision to call MK before the police, the possibility that Olsen owned the apartment Ledger had been renting, and her total silence post-tragedy, sort of suggested a possible romance. But for Star to affirmatively call the deceased Joker Mary-Kate’s “lover” is off the mark. Even if the two were in some way together, Olsen’s so-called grief arrives at an odd time; Ledger’s legend may include an Oscar come next winter, and MK is finally hitting her acting stride.

3) If Any Olsen Is Suffering Twin Envy, It’s Ashley: More than a few stories have popped up lately regarding the growing friction between Mary-Kate, who’s all but abandoned her Dualstar responsibilities for trapeeze lessons in China, and Ashley, who has so far kept up appearances as an active co-president. But everyone knows these girls have had stars in their eyes since ruining television before they could even speak. We don’t care how vehemently Ashley defends her working girl persona; need we remind her of a little role on her horizon in which she’ll partner with an ensemble cast to successfully destroy yet another Bret Easton Ellis novel by just not getting it on-screen?

[Photo credits: X17]

• BACK TO REHAB FOR MARY-KATE OLSEN? [Star]