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love triangles
Woody Allen's Seething Hatred For Ryan McStupidface Reynolds May Have Led To Scarlett Johansson's Cannes Absence
There's now another take on the story circulated yesterday by the Daily Mail claiming Scarlett Johansson's diva-like demands ultimately resulted in the actress failing to appear at the premiere of Woody Allen's new movie. From the LAT:
My source says all of Scarlett's Cannes requests/needs had been agreed on by April 27 — hair, makeup, security, hotel — and she was good to go. She'd done all the press for her new album — Anywhere I Lay My Head — and was on the final fitting for her Cannes premiere dress designed by Dolce & Gabanna.More »
divas
Scarlett Johansson Turning Into The Kind Of Spoiled, Bratty Daughter Woody Allen Might Regret Marrying
While Indiana Jones and the Can Someone Please Tell Me What the Fuck Just Happened? was the most sought-after ticket at Cannes, it was another prostate-enlarged cinematic icon's comeback—that of Woody Allen—that would prove the festival's most triumphant. His new Vicky Cristina Barcelona, which features Javier Bardem ravaging any number of comely lasses and at least one Penelope Cruz-on-Scarlett Johansson kiss, was greeted with a ten-minute standing ovation after its Saturday screening. Director and cast were on hand to soak in the glory—but not Johansson, whom the Daily Mail reports made life a living hell for the put-upon studio workers just trying to get a little Côte d'Azur photo-op action going:
"Nobody cared she wasn't there", snapped a prominent New York socialite...More »
cannes film festival
Today in Cannes Hell: Indy, Indy, Indy! (And Harvey and Woody)
The first-in-the-world hype accompanying Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull's premiere at Cannes appears to remain the only story of interest to most festivalgoers, with everything from live-blogs of the screening to more meditative reads ("I was bored out of my mind," writes Manohla Dargis) peppering the spectrum of feedback. Of course there's always Harvey Weinstein, who continues his Cannes dealings with impunity despite our corporate death sentence leveled last week. And people actually seem to like Woody Allen's latest! It's the '80s all over again!
short ends
· People, for crying out loud, it's a picture of Curious George! It's not like he put "OBAMA in '08" underneath a picture of Chim-Chim from Speed Racer. Now that would have been racist. (And just plain mean.) [Boston Herald]
· It's the America's Next Top Model finale liveblog with the Jezebelers! But don't peek yet, 'cause they are three hours ahead. [Jezebel]
· Woody Allen: "Can I ask you what your favorite commandment is?"
Billy Graham: "Right now, it's Honor Thy Father and Thy Mother."
Woody: "Really? That's my least favorite commandment." [BoingBoing]
· Anne Heche is worth $34,840.93, says Anne Heche. [TMZ]
New Jay Mohr Sitcom Funnier Than Tourette's Humor
· Here's your first glimpse at Jay Mohr's new CBS sitcom, Project Gary. Did that kid just say, "Tap it?" OMG! He did! LOL! [TV Week]· People, for crying out loud, it's a picture of Curious George! It's not like he put "OBAMA in '08" underneath a picture of Chim-Chim from Speed Racer. Now that would have been racist. (And just plain mean.) [Boston Herald]
· It's the America's Next Top Model finale liveblog with the Jezebelers! But don't peek yet, 'cause they are three hours ahead. [Jezebel]
· Woody Allen: "Can I ask you what your favorite commandment is?"
Billy Graham: "Right now, it's Honor Thy Father and Thy Mother."
Woody: "Really? That's my least favorite commandment." [BoingBoing]
· Anne Heche is worth $34,840.93, says Anne Heche. [TMZ]
girls on film
Yes, They Kiss: Scarlett Johansson and Penelope Cruz Get Close in New Woody Allen Trailer
First things first: Yes, the accompanying new teaser for Woody Allen's Vicky Cristina Barcelona, features about two seconds of Penélope Cruz and Scarlett Johansson kissing. Everyone else is kissing as well: Cruz on Javier Bardem, Bardem on Johansson, so on, so forth. It's apparently the only thing happening in the film, as no sound emerges from peoples mouths when they speak, and no discernible plot line emerges in a minute and a half. We won't spoil the ending, but... Actually we will spoil the ending: Cruz fires a gun at you, the viewer. And as you try to position your head in front of the bullet, you've never felt more grateful. Thanks again for nothing, Weinstein Company. [YouTube]
daddy issues
Barack Obama Reels From Scarlett Johansson Paternity Claim
Congratulations go out this morning to Paste Magazine, winners of the race to reclaim Scarlett Johansson as the precocious nubile muse we knew and loved prior to this week's grim news of her engagement to marry... never mind. What's important here are her "Five Dads" pervily cited in the magazine's new cover story — Woody Allen, Bill Murray, Tom Waits, Bob Dylan and, ahem, Barack Obama. After the jump, if you have the stomach for it, see if you can match the pop culture father figure to Scarlett's eyelash-batting, daughterrific praise. (Bonus points if you can accurately guess which one will give her away! It's even harder than Mamma Mia!) More »
nothing to see here
Woody Allen Advises Against Getting Aroused at International Starlets Making Out
Defamer has learned that the Weinstein Company operative who months ago positioned Vicky Cristina Barcelona's three-way Scarlett Johansson/Penélope Cruz/Javier Bardem sex scene as "an extremely erotic" screen tryst that will "leave the audience gasping" was not likely the same representative who hooked director Woody Allen up this week with Entertainment Weekly. In a blurb featured in EW's new summer movie preview, the filmmaker dashed a million hormonal panics by tiredly setting the record straight: More »
middling earth
If 'The Hobbit' Must Be Made, We'd Rather See One of These Directors at the Helm
Our dissatisfaction at Friday's news that Guillermo del Toro would inherit the Hobbit reins from Peter Jackson met with a mix of scorn and curiosity over the weekend. "Pony up an alternative, Cochise," wrote a commenter. "Destroy those two GENIUSES and all we will be left with is Lucas and Spielberg. And that is not a world I wish to live in." Us neither! That said, if the Laws of Hollywood Franchises dictate that this goddamned movie must exist, we can think of at least five talented directors off the tops of our heads whom we'd prefer over del Toro, Jackson or any of the other usual fanboy fantasy suspects. Tell us your own ideal hires after the jump. More »
in the cannes
'Che' Visits Cannes After All; Clint Eastwood, Angelina Jolie Unveil Oscar Bait as Well
The Cannes Film Festival announced this morning it will get four hours of Che Guevara after all — not to mention additional Oscar bait from Clint Eastwood, Angelina Jolie and Charlie Kaufman in this year's competition program. As recently as last Friday, the Steven Soderbergh/Benicio Del Toro all-or-nothing two-fer of Guerrilla and The Argentine was looking doubtful for the Cannes deadline, but the festival announced this morning that it is indeed in. Out of competition, meanwhile, world premieres Indiana Jones 4 and Kung-Fu Panda will do battle for the honorary Jerry Seinfeld Award For Shameless Publicity Hijacking. More »
exploitation gone wrong
Woody Allen Not Satisfied Being American Apparel's Honorary Hebrew Mascot
Apparently striving for the kind of publicity that ads featuring contorted, half-naked hipsters just can't buy, American Apparel's short-lived "Woody Allen is Our Spiritual Leader" campaign finally attracted a lawsuit this week. The AP reports that the writer-director, whose rabbi get-up from Annie Hall was featured last year on the clothing retailer's billboards (with the Yiddish caption "the holy rebbe") wants $10 million for "blatant misappropriation and commercial use of Allen's image":
In a lawsuit in U.S. District Court in Manhattan, the actor-director said he does not endorse commercial products or services in the United States, which makes the May 2007 American Apparel billboards in Hollywood and New York and Web site displays "especially egregious and damaging."
More »
Never afraid to transparently play out his personal fantasies on the the big screen (but in fairness, isn't that why everyone gets into filmmaking?), Woody Allen has reportedly filled his upcoming Vicky Cristina Barcelona with all the Scarlett-on-Penelope and Scarlett-on-Penelope-on-Javier action his randy septuagenarian heart can handle: "'[The "steamy" lesbian sex scene] is also extremely erotic. People will be blown away and even shocked. Penelope [Cruz] and Scarlett [Johansson] go at it in a red-tinted photography dark room, and it will leave the audience gasping.' The women later have a threesome with Javier Bardem (below), who plays Cruz's husband." The brief item makes no mention about whether or not Bardem's character is a hyperverbal artist who tends to stammer while working through his neuroses. [Page Six' Photos: WireImage]
Literally hundreds of still-developing lungs could be imperiled as Woody Allen's legion of teenage fans flock to his new movie, Cassandra's Dream, which received its PG-13 rating well before the MPAA promised to crack down on such smoking-positive cinematic fare with an automatic R. Concerned parents: when you drop your kids off at the art house to see the "new Colin Farrell movie," make sure they mean the one where we kills a priest, not the one where he promotes the spread of lung cancer. [NY Times]
short ends
Big Brother 8 House Populated By Impressive Variety Of Bigots
· As demonstrated by the above "Racism & Bigotry Sampler," the Big Brother 8 Intolerance Cam never, ever sleeps.
· Winnie Cooper is ABC News' Person of the Week, which means she's probably having an easier time today than TV boyfriend Kevin Arnold, who really can't catch a break with his big-screen directorial debut.
· Woody Allen reminisces about the formerly uninsurable stars who provide a glimmer of hope that Lindsay Lohan might one day work in Hollywood again.
·Amazingly, this review headlined "Stardust a Shrek for grown-ups" is not a pan.
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