Defamer: wife swap

Palimony Suit Could Force Jodie Foster's 'Midlife Crisis' $25 Million Over Budget

STV — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 09:30:00 PDT

Jodie Foster really has gotten off exceptionally easy so far in her dizzying, delicate miracle of new love with homewrecking writer/producer Cynthia Mort, with her most significant cash outlays being that always-steep first date and the extravagant "My Condolences" balloon bouquet sent Mort's way after HBO canceled her show Tell Me You Love Me. Foster had fared even better with ex Cydney Bernard, who, after 14 years of cohabitative bliss, spared the Oscar-winner the ugliness of custody squabbles, L Word box-set splits and other public indignities. Her typically low public profile escalated for what felt like mere minutes, soon returning to its subtle, cultivated ebb of lesbian quietude — just the way she likes it.

Oh, but for the good old days, we're learning as the all-knowing National Enquirer — your trusted (and print-only in this case, we're afraid) oracle for anonymously sourced Foster's Splitsville drama — now reports that the actress's romantic reboot may cost her a quarter of her fortune. Or, adjusted roughly for inflation, $25 million:

Over the summer, however, Jodie began to realize just how much was at stake financially. ... The actress has an estimated net worth of $100 million, with at least $50 million being earned during her relationship with Cydney. Cydney could ask for — and likely get — half of the $50 million if she sued Jodie.

To counter that threat, the source says Jodie is desperately trying to keep peace between her new lover and Cydney. "She wants them to be friends," the source said. "Jodie realizes that if Cydney perceives them to be one big happy family, she'd never sure for half her assets."

And what signifies a "big happy family"? Free residency for Bernard at one of Foster's homes in LA, for starters, followed by invitations to "parties and barbecues" to visit Foster's sons Charles and Kit. And, of course, a classically Foster-esque buyout that we'll likely never know about, requiring a yearly six-figure annuity and the contractual divestiture of Foster's beloved, Scorsese-signed Taxi Driver one-sheet to Bernard's lawyers "just for the hell of it." A tough break, to be sure — perhaps the star's toughest yet. But for a younger woman and anything else worth having, pay now or pay later; we just hope this doesn't necessitate Nim's Island 2.

Today in A-Rod / Madge / Kravitzgate: Divorce, Exploitation and Parisian Landlords

STV — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 11:50:00 PDT

For the first time in our country's history, the epicenter of America's commemorative period of fireworks and independence appears to have shifted to Miami. There, we've learned, the intercoital clusterfuck of Madonna, Alex Rodriguez, Lenny Kravitz and Guy Ritchie has reached its nadir with a Rodriguez divorce now officially on the way — freeing the Yankees slugger to (allegedly) pursue whatever pop paramour his heart desires. Except Madonna and Ritchie are still in matrimonial business — literally — and apparently will be for a while.

Sigh. So what does it all mean for you, the weary, woebegone gossip consumer? Join us after the jump for a bit of scorecard updating.

First off, A-Rod's estranged wife was at the courthouse when it opened this morning — and we thought we had Fourth of July hangovers:

"The marriage of the parties is irretrievably broken because of the husband's extramarital affairs and other marital misconduct," according to Cynthia Rodriguez's petition for dissolution of marriage, filed in the family division of Miami-Dade County Circuit Court. ...
"The petitioner has exhausted every effort to salvage the marriage of the parties," Cynthia Rodriguez said in the filing. "However, Alex has emotionally abandoned his wife and children and has left her with no choice but to divorce him."

The couple's 2002 prenup apparently protects Rodriguez's fortune (his current 10-year contract is worth up to $305 million), but we're hearing he's evidently got nothing on the investment planners at Madonna/Ritchie Inc.:

Well-placed sources tell us the Ritchies plan to officially split in November or December — after the Mrs.' upcoming Sticky and Sweet world tour. Why? Big bucks. The concerts are expected to earn close to $300 mil worldwide, and they've decided to ear mark that to provide for their three children's future. ...
There is a whole PR strategy that has been in place for some time. We're told the Material Girl will be "very visible" in the months leading up to the tour to "generate a lot of publicity." That's when "news" of the marriage's demise would slowly leak out, causing tongues to wag — and Madonna to be on the cover of papers and mags around the world.

Ritchie has his latest B-thriller, Rocknrolla, on the way as well — for what that's worth. And as for rumored C-Rod love interest Kravitz? His pre-holiday denial stands: He's still just hosting her in Paris. Sigh again. But Kravitz has been out of the spotlight since Baptism, we guess; we'd charge her extra for the big room if we were him.

[Photo Credit: Getty Images]

The Defamer Guide To The Whole Madonna / A-Rod / Lenny Kravitz Situation

nickm — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 16:45:00 PDT

If you've looked at the Internet at all this past week, you've probably gleaned that there's something going on with Madonna, Guy Ritchie, A-Rod and, most recently, Lenny Kravitz. A lot has happened in a very short time and, quite possibly, many of you haven't been able to keep up. But don't feel ashamed, that's what we're here for! Just read our handy dandy guide to the action after the jump and you'll have plenty to talk about at your 4th of July BBQ.

· Towards the end of June, reports started surfacing that Madonna and Guy Ritchie were getting a divorce.

· Soon after, it came out that Madonna was having an affair with A-Rod, a married baseball player on the much-hated Yankees. Madonna's publicist issued a denial, which means that it's totally true.

· Then, it was reported that A-Rod's wife, Cynthia Rodriguez, was "spending a lot of time" with Lenny Kravitz, who, coincidentally, has also banged Madonna.

· And to top it all off, today, announcements surfaced that A-Rod and his wife were separating, thereby adding credence to both the Madonna rumors and the Lenny Kravitz rumors.

See, it's not that complicated after all. And it looks like everybody's getting what they want in the end. Madonna's got A-Rod, C-Rod's got Lenny Kravitz, and Guy Ritchie... well, he's got his mildly successful film career. Hooray!

Homewrecking Spy In Jodie Foster's House Of Love Revealed!

Seth — Wed, 21 May 2008 15:00:00 PDT

Let there be no mistaking it—the National Enquirer owns the story of the disintegration of Jodie Foster's 14-year lesbian relationship to her beautiful Cydney. Now, their unprecedented access to the high-ranking Donettes of the Rubyfruit Mafia gives us another shocking exclusive: Foster has parked her U-Haul outside the home of Cindy Mort, the creator of HBO's stunt-cock popularizing, prosthesis-core drama Tell Me You Love Me. From their report:

The ENQUIRER has learned exclusively that the Oscar winner's new love is brunette Cindy Mort, a producer and screenwriter she met on the set of her 2007 film The Brave One.

The 47-year-old star's new squeeze is the former partner of thirtysomething actress Melanie Mayron — with whom she has two children!
Meanwhile, 55-year-old Cydney Bernard is still living with Jodie but their romance is over, say sources. [...]

To complicate matters, Cindy, 51, remains friends with her ex-partner Melanie — and the two women live in separate houses on the same Los Angeles street.

Jodie plans to move into one of [Mort's] Hollywood homes full-time, and ex-Cydney will live in another, disclosed a source close to Jodie.

Confused? We'd recommend taking a cue from The L Word's opening credits, and drawing a map on a dry-erase board plotting every prop penis, French bulldog visitation, and joint Home Depot credit card application to emerge from this all-lady love-parallelogram.

JODIE FOSTER'S NEW GIRLFRIEND [Enquirer]

Sasquatch Doesn't Love Patrick: A 'Wife Swap' Spinoff Is Born

Seth — Thu, 10 Jan 2008 17:55:04 PST

Not everything in the bold sociological experiment known as Wife Swap always goes smoothly: Take for example last night's arranged-marriage lab rats, Patrick (according to his name tag) and temporary spouse, uh, Sasquatch—she of the man-hands and unrealistic household-cleanliness goals. Frankly, we don't know who Sasquatch thinks she is, waltzing into Patrick's perfectly lovely, catshit-laden home and demeanoring him by insisting he dispose of the feline feces.