Denise Richards V. Whoopi Goldberg: Who's More Full Of Shit?

WhoopiGate: Ladies Of 'The View' Rally Around Their Snubbed, Four-Time-Oscar-Host Sister

Unlike some of the other snubbees edited for time by an Oscars producing committee hellbent on delivering a telecast that clocked in at under four hours, Whoopi Goldberg is not dead. We therefore caught a painfully direct glimpse into her wounded eyes when her View sisters stood up for their moderatin' girlfriend, demanding to know where Whoopi was during all those montage sequences. (And in particular, the one titled Oscar Celebrates The Great Female Oscar Hosts of the Past Twenty Years, which pulled clips exclusively from Ellen DeGeneres's single turn at the podium.)

Spiked Eggnog, Santa Hats Allow Sherri Shepherd To Unleash Her Inner Christmas Freak

Ladies Of 'The View' Explain What The Strike Means To Them In 4500 Incomprehensible Words Or Less

If it's strike carnage you seek, look no further than today's episode of The View: Stripped of its guild-member producers pumping meaningful dialogue into their earpieces, a Hot Topics segment on the writers strike forced the hosts to explain the labor impasse using their own, barely coherent grasp of the issues. (Particularly immaterial was Joy Behar's "Surveillance Cameras: What's With Them?!" contribution to the ongoing debate.) In moments of total daytime TV chaos like these, we typically rely on Barbara Walters to set this runaway locomotive back on its rails. Oddly enough, however, she remained uncharacteristically quiet during the segment—and, we might add, looking in her old age more and more like Tori Spelling every day.

• The View

A Gender-Bending Flapper Halloween On 'The View'

In all the strike deadline hysteria, we've barely had a moment to acknowledge that today is an (egregiously not nationally recognized) holiday. It's Halloween, everyone—the spookiest, scariest celebration of the year! And on The View, that usually means stuffing Barbara Walters into some sort of sex-kitten outfit. This year's theme—which we think was Ill-Fitting Cotton Club Costume Rentals?—gave Walters an excuse to talk about her club impresario father Lou Walters, a touching, grandmotherly reminiscence about a simpler time, when you could get a steak, a sidecar, and an unobstructed view of a showgirl's rack all for a nickel.

• The View

The Ladies Of 'The View' Discuss Whoopi's Super-Toilet

The occasional Barbara Walters anecdote about her bathroom stall misadventures notwithstanding, we've always felt that the ladies of The View spend far too little time chatting about potty-related matters.

Behar Vs. Whoopi: Sowing The Seeds Of A Feud

· Are things getting a little testy between Joy and Whoopi? Maybe we're reading too much into some rude interruptions and a couple of possible stink-eyes, but we could be looking at the beginning of a Hasselbeck/Rosie kind of dynamic developing on The View. It's been way too long since blood has been spilled on that set.
· It took much longer than we anticipated for Bobby Brown's heart to break after losing Whitney.
· Esquire names its Sexiest Woman Alive (Until Next Year), prompting Maxim to retaliate in a rather uncharitable fashion.
· Nora Ephon has made us rethink everything we thought we knew about egg-white omelets.
· NBC's perfect storm never mises a chance to work a party.

Star, Rosie Pretend They Care What The Hell Happens At "The View"

Since we found CNN.com's promotion of the world-shaking news that Whoopi Goldberg would fill the Rosie O'Donnell-shaped indentation on The View's couch a little too subtle, we've proposed a better way for them to assure that eyeballs will be more effectively directed to the most important, breaking story of any given moment. We're sure the changes won't require much more than a couple of lines of Javascript, a small investment of design resources that should pay immediately dividends in optimized traffic flow.

• Whoopi Goldberg joins 'The View' [CNN.com]
• Previously: Barbara Walters Replaces Rosie With Cheaper, Less Controversial Model [Defamer]

Barbara Walters Replaces Rosie With Cheaper, Less Controversial Model

Well, America, our long, sleepless nights of stress and nail-gobbling suspense are finally over: Baba Wawa has finally announced that "Oscar-winning actress and Broadway superstar" Whoopi Goldberg is permanently replacing Rosie on The View as its moderator, mysteriously leaving off her resume that grand televisual nugget Whoopi! . The news was greeted by a standing ovation from the audience, which is clearly relieved that Baba would apparently rather die before allowing Behar or Hasselbeck to run the show. Still, we give it three days before the Whoopster has Elisabeth in tears. It's just the natural way of things.

• The View [ABC.com]

Surviving Ladies Of 'The View' Hoping Life With Whoopi Is Less Annoying Than Life With Rosie

Martha Stewart Doesn't Care About Black People, Part II: Silencing Whoopi