But no. Instead, the cable geniuses have reportedly chosen the world’s slowest speaking zombie, Whitney Port, to launch her pretty little head into “bicoastal living.” The fascinating premise, plus what the other cast members have to say, after the jump.

In an effort to make bowling "cool" again, clever marketers at Strike's Bowling Alley invited the Hills cast and those lovable nuts from The Real Housewives Of Orange County to walk the red carpet at their new opening last night. And when queen bee Lauren Conrad was asked how she thought Whitney would fare, she gave her rehearsed answer of "Sure thing! Love Whitney! Yay blondes!" But when the maybe-star in question was prodded, Port said "The whole thing just sounds a little scary because I like to keep things private." Yes, Whitney — which is why you have appeared on three seasons of a major cable network's reality show, befriended every socialite from New York to LA, and are, ahem, appearing on a red carpet as you say these words. We take it back: Dumb blondes of this variety never fail to entertain.

• LAUREN CONRAD: WHITNEY PORT WILL DO WELL WITH 'HILLS' SPIN-OFF [Us]

• WATCH VIDEO