Defamer: Week in Review

Bombay Spielberg

Seth — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 18:30:11 PDT

·An arranged marriage between DreamWorks and an Indian conglomerate leaves questions about the kids.
· Prelude to a Hindi Turkey: Penelope Spheeris recalls what a moody little shit Mike Myers is. His incomprehensible Actor's Studio pep-talk. The Guru arrives! And it smells like lesbian-elephant-sex on ice.
· We hit the LAFF, where Wanted proves just smartly stupid enough for our heatwave-diminished cranial capacities.
· Anne Hathaway has a busy week, full of break-ups, hate-ons, and big-screen bows.
· We sort the merely difficult from the stroppy all-stars.
· We get Dr. Drew on the phone to clear up what's going on with this Tom Cruise/Nazi nonsense.
· David Letterman and Teri Garr, reunited and it feels so good.
· Mashew McConauhdrgrl loses a flip-flop in Nicaragua.
· Joan Rivers goes unappreciated on live UK daytime TV.
· A Bruno release date uncovers the fake Defamer title that accidentally tripped up the internets.
· Michael Eisner's kid needs a Michael Clayton-type, and quick.
· Quick! Can you spot the giant-headed star of Gigli among this crowd of four-foot-tall African schoolchildren?
· Don't bother Abigail Breslin with your demands. She'll wear a wig. She'll do it in one take. It'll turn out fine.
· This is what Breach money gets you.

Of 'Idol' and 'Indy'

STV — Fri, 23 May 2008 15:00:00 PDT

· Archie put up a good fight, but it was grungemo disciple David Cook who reigned
Idol supreme.
· The Cannes Film Festival and the rest of the world thrilled to the launch of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom Of Holy Shit This Sucks.
· Paramount's newfound riches underwrote The 'Ow Shia's Balls' Jungle Coaster.
· Meanwhile, hairless Harrison Ford flies a mean Beaver.
· Denise Richards: It's Complicated. Is it? Is it really though? We guess when it gets into prostitute-tranny-infected semen territory, it is a little.
· Sex and the Shitty. Sex and the Shiksa. Sex and the Leaked-Sceney. Everything but the "City!"
· Naughty, naughty Miley.
· Cannes also welcomed an angry Spike, a controversial Che, an immodest Gwyneth and a snog-happy Lindsay.
· Who in the world is Jodie Foster shacking up with? It's the game taking America by storm!
· A tank top-doffing, pregnancy-budgeting Angelina Jolie drew raves from film critics as well as from homemade-heroin-tape viewers. Brad Pitt attempted payback by aging backwards in Spanish.
· Celebrity momabler Dina Lohan gets the TV show she deserves. Ali Lohan impresses David Letterman with her agreeability.
· The Bachelorette passes up a real gem. Awoooooo!
· Dissatisfied with MGM's lack of support, Tom Cruise went door-to-door via Google.
· Whose casting was stuntier: Jake Gyllenhaal's as a Persian prince, or Richard Dreyfuss's as Dick Cheney?

You Can't Always Bet On Black

Seth — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 18:37:47 PDT

· Despite the best efforts of Woody Harrelson, Wesley Snipes gets three years for tax evasion.
· The birth of Viacom's new premium cable channel riles future galactic despot Les Moonves.
· Let's hope this is just a bump in Lindsay Lohan's Road to Wellville.
· Whither our superheroines?
· All is again Kosher between Tom & Vicky & Dave & Katie.
· The Segelbot successfully executes Talk Show Anecdote Program Embarrassing Naked Breakup Story. Behold, the Segelshlong.
· Baby Mama: The reproductive torture-porn cut.
· Star Jones fails to make love work.
· Semi-Pro bear gets fully-pissed, mauls his trainer to death.
· Does the Valkyrie release-date shell-game spell bad news for the Cruise/Wagner UA?
· The Uwe Boll Movie Challenge invites to make your own, damn hacky movie, while Boll issues a challenge to sworn nemesis Michael Bay: 12 rounds in the ring, winner takes all. (Winner being us.)
· Jimmy Fallon finds the perfect platform for a comedian who loves laughing at his own jokes.
· The Hobbit blows cum-bubbles!

Brit-Coms

Seth — Fri, 28 Mar 2008 18:20:57 PDT

Because Three-Word Week was a such a hit, today we're going to see if we can go one better with just two:
· Britney's triumph.
· Fields's Fifth?
· LAT Puff'd.
· Tempering Indy.
· DreamWorks's divorce.
· Sumner Cruising.
· Darth Bob.
· Dejennifying Judy.
· Joker hereafter.
· Single/Hairy.
· Sambora: Swerving.
· Marshall backlash.
· Hills Wisdom.
· Littlest Lamas.
· Sixteen Questions.
· Chésee's rendezvous.
· Hasselbeck's metaphor.
· Love, out.
· Upchucky Games.
· Saving Swayze.
· Fierce Peeps.
· "Gayest faces."
· $35 cineplex.
· "Thanks, Arthur."

Sex Tape Week!

Seth — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 17:48:08 PDT

Gnarly hangover, three-words-only edition:
· Charlotte's hardcore scrapbook.
· Lohan's is fake.
· Naked Hills chick.
· Grey no evil.
· Everyone sues Oprah.
· Tina vs. Jon.
· Ryan Seacrest, retouched.
· Will: SP? OT?
· Sony/MSNBC coverup?
· Mel hearts Britney.
· Eva fights back!
· Thomas Jane's DUI.
· No-Rose Stacey.
· Minghella is dead.
· Vaughn moves on.
· Monday-Friday: Kirstie!
· Martha body shots.
· More 90210 casting.
· M/F/Carrot
· Sherri: Idol sucks!
· Sticky-fingers Ryder.
· South Park suicide.
· E on shrooms.

Name's Pellicano, Honey.

Seth — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 18:15:08 PDT

· Pellicano...To The Extreme!!! After all these years, Garry Shandling and Brad Grey fail to have a bitch hug-out session. Everything you didn't want to know about where Chris Rock came on that girl's ass.
· We cast Three-Diamond Girl: Ashley Dupré and the Fall of the House of Spitzer, though we still need some Dupré suggestions. Feel free to add them in the comments. Ari Emanuel, meanwhile, is offended for all of us.
· The Tom Cruise birthday party remixes begin.
· Lost Boys 2 trailer...Hmm...Needs more Haim.
· "We Can Work It Out" proves the mountain that Idol golden boy David Archuleta cannot conquer.
· Think of Edward Norton as The Incredible Hulk, and the Marvel guys as The Abomination. Which CGI Hulk do you prefer?
· Funny Games: High art or low snuff?
· As close as Defamer will ever get to a mention on The Simpsons. Hey—we'll take it.
· Real actress Jenna Fischer adds water sports to her resume skills section.
· Celebrities enjoy partaking in marijuana, says book. And Mary Ann's arrest—oh wait. Strike that last one.
· Tranny. Hot mess. Fierce. Rinse. Repeat.
· The Indiana Jones poster is revealed, and we think it's dynomite! (Oh, wait—wrong show.)
· Courtney Love instructs the nanoaliens living inside her teeth to type out an angry MySpace blog post disputing claims she's crazy
· Britney Spears Career ResurrectionWatch: A walk-on on How I Met Your Mother. What would NPH think? The first Fox lot sighting. The anime video.
· Madonna's big week: The Hall of Fame induction. The video. Like a 50-Year-Old Virgin.
· Paris Hilton giving Cher and roaches a run for their money.
· Run! Patricia Heaton has a freakishly small bellybutton! She'll kill us all!!!
· Barry Diller accused of abusing private jets. Jets may never recover.

Seeking Cultural Soulmate

Seth — Fri, 07 Mar 2008 17:30:17 PST

· Brian Grazer currently culturally unattachéd.
· UTA removes, then returns, their assistants' names.
· The Pellicano trial is underway, but no one really cares.
· Ellen Page: Scissor Sister.
· Diablo Cody immortalized in drag.
· Think that's Paris Hilton's spiritual advisor? Think again, punk!
· Oprah helps makes Drew Barrymore's giant-check-donating fantasies come true.
· K-Fed packs on a few. But he's not the only one.
· Four words for American Idol: Stripper Boogers. Zonked Paulas.
· CAA Death Star felled by one burnt egg roll.
· David Caruso isn't good with props...or thresholds...or lack of sunglass close-ups.
· A terrible development for Patrick Swayze.
· Tropic Thunder goes the blackface-for-laughs route.
· Brian Posehn IS Thelma Dennis.
· 10,000 B.C.: Not so much.
· The little Chris Kattanish Muppet wins Project Runway.

Oscar Mounted

Seth — Fri, 29 Feb 2008 17:59:32 PST

· And the winner is...YOU, Oscars Liveblog reader!
·The West and Burst Dressed.
· Diablo Cody's fairy tale night marred by a very controversial pair of glass-cutting slippers. OMG! Nude stripper! But what does it mean for stripperdom as a whole?
· Scott Rudin declares his man-love before billions, but it takes the Academy a few tries to notice.
· Courtney Loves's Oscars review, in 16 words or less.
· Gary Busey's act of contrition.
· The Buffalo News Crew Nine-Word Review.
· Ellen Page spotted Rubyfruit Mafia-adjacent! Ssssscandal!
· This is the way New Line will end: Not with a bang, but a merger.
· McLovin Rising.
· We're only grateful Johnny Grant, God rest his soul, never lived to see the smut THR passes for a cover nowadays. Is it any wonder they aren't Oprah-fearing people?
· Idol loses two of its secret-harboring contestants. Nurse Rocker's revenge.
· A sneak peek at what you're not missing in Step Brothers.
· The Week in Fucking: Kimmel on Affleck. Banks on Rogen.

Tidying Up For Oscar

Seth — Fri, 22 Feb 2008 18:01:15 PST

· Yo! Oscar! Over here! It's the 80th Annual Academy Awards Sunday evening, and good things invariably come in extremely round numbers. As is our custom, we'll be liveblogging the entire, bloated affair. Live! (Did we mention that already?) It promises to be four-plus hours of wildly inebriated fun. Be there: 5 p.m. Pacific. And if you can't spend it with us, then we hope you enjoy catching Hepatitis A at Madonna's. That should be a good time, too.
· Pop quiz: What do Lindsay Lohan, Marilyn Monroe, two boobs, and innumerable freckles have in common? Hint: Dina Lohan couldn't be prouder.
· What's with Where the Wild Things Are? Leaked screen tests. Poor audience responses. Possible plug pullings!
· For fans of Can't Stop the Music, and just about no one else: Steve Guttenberg to boogie back into your hearts on Dancing with the Stars.
· My dinner with Clooné.
· Scarlett and Natalie are willing to go there for Boleyn. But can the same be said for Christina and Reese?
· OMG! Hepatitis scare at Ashton's 30th birthday! We know...He's only 30!
· "Paging Dr. Pinsky. Dr. Pinsky to admissions."
· J-Lo's gemini miracle fails to enthrall a nation.
· Hobble your way to digital satellite clarity!
· The lavender Idol monster is back, dragging along some controversy and Apple riding piggyback.
· Put that broken heel under your pillow, and just maybe, Shoe Fairy Neil Patrick Harris with put a brand new pair of Louboutins under your pillow.

Everything Has An End

Seth — Fri, 15 Feb 2008 19:10:13 PST

· Mark Lisanti, our founder and fearless leader of four years, packs it in for bigger and brighter things, as we, along with the Chinese Theater Justice League, bid him a fond farewell.
· Alas, poor Grazerhead! We knew him, Russell Crowe.
· WGA Scribeapalooza II: Let's Call the Whole Thing Off proves a rousing success: The strike, she is no more.
· Meryltom ClooNiro urges you to JUST TALK.
· What they did over their strike break: Forgot what the hell was going on on their show. Worked at a fast food restaurant.
· This is your flack. This is your flack on beta-carotine-rich drugs.
· Spielberg pulls out of the Beijing Olympics. Fine, Spielberg. See if China cares.
· Our first glimpse of Indiana Jones and the Temple of the Crystal Skull.
· Gasp! An exec let some underling take the blame for something shady he did! It's right there in that e-mail! We know!!
· We don't know about you, but we like to start our mornings with a hot cup of coffee, a beloved screen icon, and the c-word.
· The Fall of the Fanning Dynasty
· Paris Hilton's baby brother is all grown up and sobering up in a holding cell.
· Mel Gibson sued for not giving his screenwriter his fair share of the Jesus-snuff-movie millions.
· Kanye West wins Artist of Eternity!
· Roy Scheider takes the Blue Thunder express to the hereafter.
· Just what Ben Silverman needed: A mountain of fuck-you money.
· Who's up for some Drunk Lindsay Bingo?

Sing It, Fat Lady

Seth — Fri, 08 Feb 2008 18:06:33 PST

· Strike's over! Maybe! Or not! But Michael Eisner says it is! So it is! Maybe.
· One night only: O'Brien VS. Stewart VS. Colbert!!! (No minors.)
· OscarWatch: Vanity Fair party, canceled. Governor's Ball, delicious. OscarBots, set to "KILL." Begging for an answer. Fuck you very much, Academy.
· Vanity Fair Hollywood issue: Hopefully this batch will do better than that batch. Renee Zellweger channels Kim Novak. Seth Rogen ain't exactly your father's Cary Grant.
· Hollywood hits the Super Bowl ads. But where's The Happening, hot stuff?
· A big week for Paris: Letterman apologizes, Harvard anoints, and her 17 dogs crap all over the place.
· CAA eats one of its own to appease the mighty Oprah.
· Fear and Loathing in Britney Spears. Breaking down the Rolling Stone cover story.
· It's hard out there for a GOP, says Elisabeth Hasselbeck.
· A word of caution for McLovin.
· Heath Ledger and Brad Renfro both gone from drugs. Be careful out there, folks.
· Corey Haim is back, he's ready to work, and he's just blown a lot of dough on this full-page Variety ad. (And he's ready to make amends.)
· The man who socked Jesse Metcalfe.
· Anna Nicole Smith, dead one year to the day.
· And in rehab: Drunkst, Let's Get Crazy.

Silence, Mon Schnabel

Seth — Fri, 01 Feb 2008 18:30:25 PST

· Sean Young: Drunk, and wanting Julian Schnabel to get on with it already. The Julie Chen version. The video. The rehab announcement.
· On the bed! On the floor! On a towel by the door! She's fucking Matt Damon!
· ET and The Insider compassionate Heath Ledger-next-to-some-drugs-video story kill. But do fellow stars deserve the credit?
· We got SAGgie Fever! Travolta's got Middle Earth Fever. Ryan Seacrest just has regular fever.
· What's Angelina hiding under that tent? Why's she just drinking water?? It's twins, silly! Yayyyyy!
· The Wolf Man loses a perfectionist, but does it gain a Ratner? Not necessarily.
· Another week of Britney insanity we can barely keep track of, so just click here.
· Tom Cruise and John Travolta nearly fall for the old Heath Ledger's Dad Needs a Plane Ticket to America swindle.
· Ryan Seacrest, sweaty teens, muscle suit, tennis ball cannon: Do the math.
· Stewie Griffin: Gay.
· Jessica Alba is damned if she's hot, damned if she's knocked up.
· Mr. Phil's image-rehab media tour.
· Celebrate Josh the only way Katherine Heigl knows how.
· Kirstie Alley is not amused, person making jokes about ~~her~~ Nicole Kidman's outfit at the back of Us Weekly!
· While you enjoy high blood alcohol levels and linebackers this weekend, your tweenage daughter will be enjoying Miley Cyrus in 3D.
· When 50 Cent Made Paris Cry: In words and pictures.

Heath Ledger: 1979 - 2008

Seth — Fri, 25 Jan 2008 18:25:16 PST

· Shock and sadness: Heath Ledger dies.
· The Oscar nominations: Even more underwhelming than usual. The reactions. Breaking down the snubees.
· Warner Bros.' Dark days are upon them.
· Turns out, everyone wants to know what all that Cloverfield fuss was about: Mostly nausea.
· Kiefer is free! Kiefer is free! The first sighting.
· Lindsay Lohan: Queen of the Razzies.
· E! News's typo'd tribute to Brad Renfro.
· Rambo: By the numbers.
· Ben Silverman is Ben Silverman's kind of guy.
· Kathleen Turner reveals a chihuahua-snatching side to Nicolas Cage none of us knew existed—including Nicolas Cage.
· Sundance: Hamlet 2 sells for $10 million, or $5 million each for screenwriters Diablo Rosencrantz and Aviva Guildenstern. (And whatever's left over for Steve Coogan.)
· Jerry O'Connell: Def SP.
· Something about Nicole Kidman and a saved placenta.
· Welcome to the World of Diablo Cody
· The Moment of Truth: Glacially paced, not life-destroyingy enough. Play along at home!
· Two more Pitt-Jolieseses on the way! Maybe!

Have You Seen That Tom Cruise Video?

Seth — Fri, 18 Jan 2008 17:53:07 PST

· The Secret Tom Cruise Scientology Tape They Didn't Want You To See That You Ended Up Seeing A Lot Of Anyway
· The Non-Globes: If you liveblog a non-event, does it make a sound? "Sooo...I understand you worked at Hooters. How humiliated are you by that?" The Piv cements his place in catchphrase-coining history. Kicking it, Borgnine style. Stanko ratings. Night of 1000 hotel room viewing parties. Blonskysplosion!
· Katie Holmes MarathonGate: Breathing not a word of it on GMA. Feeding Letterman the party line. Things get juicy: Who is runner #6074? And who is Paul Vincent? Probably not the final word on the matter.
· The rumors of a DGA deal were right on the money. The industry reacts.
· Breaking down the Sundance buzz. And a lost cat for good measure.
· Katherine Heigl refreshingly candid about how shitty the newlywed life can be.
· Following the Axium embezzlement paper trail.
· OMG! Diane Keaton said "fucking" on GMA!
· NodorO™: Manly, yes, but Simon Cowell likes it too!
· Wesley Snipes Rorschachian court papers.
· Goodbye, Brad.
· Nothing can cancel Oscar Christmas. Look at the sparkly lights!
· A ho-hum, heavy-on-the-freak season of Idol begins: Hairkinis, father/son love lockets.
· Defamer attends the Cloverfield premiere, sees a headless Lady Liberty and a headed Lady Lohan.

Golden Globes R.I.P.

Seth — Fri, 11 Jan 2008 18:18:11 PST

· The Five Stages of Golden Globes Grief: Denial. Anger. Bargaining. Depression. Acceptance.
· Ben Silverman's prom night totally ruined by those ugly, nerdy, mean writers. The writers try to make it up to him.
· Britney Spears: High on crazy, and her paparazzo boyfriend. The Dr. Phil mash-up.
· Jamie Lynn Spears's hopes to nail the GED.
· Keeping Up with the Cruises: The UA side deal. A scriptalanche! The bombshell biography. The Mad Money premiere. Boston MarathonGate is over...or is it?
· Leno on Kimmel. Kimmel on Leno. It's not nearly as hot as it sounds.
· Carson Daly's feelin' down.
· American Gladiators: Let the hobbling begin.
· Stewart and Colbert return to the air, minus their writers, plus some unsightly facial hair.
· Savor the Critics' Choice Awards: They're pretty much all we got.
· The Axium scandal: Payroll's lowest hour.
· Will Smith's giving away auditing sessions. No need to thank him.
· People's Choice Awards a sadder affair than usual. Joaquin Phoenix misspells his name during his vow of silence.
· Cloverfield: Its name. The buzz. The Statue.
· Deep inside the CAA Death Star.
· Johnny Grant passes.
· Celebrity Rehab not any fun, despite promises of vomit.
· Who's up for some Vinnie Chase Mad Libs?! Apparently a lot of you.
· What are the Weinsteins cooking?

It's Like Late Night, Only Strikier

defamer.com — Fri, 04 Jan 2008 18:15:57 PST

· The Return of Late Night: Taking first-guest bets. Our first tantalizing taste of Dave beard. Countdown to our last. Letterman's kickline. What's worse?: Leno's restriction-busting monologue or his impovised banter? Craig Ferguson makes sweet love to Paul Shaffer's head. Conan clobbers in the Beard Wars and ratings.
· Britney's (Latest) Breakdown: Showdown at the homestead. The most popular ambulance in town. Surveilling the wreckage. When life imitates Dorffian art. Speculating on the B.U.I.
· A-listers' strike silence is deafening.
· We welcome someone new to the Defamer family.
· If you're even mildly aroused by Miley Cyrus's girl-on-girl candy-sharing photos, then Satan is likely knocking at your door.
· Griffin & Cooper a Shields and Yarnell for a new generation.
· David Cross turning into a feces gourmand for taking a role in Alvin and the Chipmunks.
· Lindsay Lohan broke, stumbles, but appreciated. C'mon—there's far worse that Lindsay.
· SAG members boycott the Golden Globes. Here's just a taste of the soaked Keira Nightie you'll be missing.
· The deadly hands and breasts that win elections.
· "Where?!" "Diagonally!" "Pretty sneaky, Beyoncé."

Part IV: IggyGate, Incredible Picketing Babies

Seth — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 13:03:29 PST

And so we come to Part IV, the final chapter of our Defamer 2007 Year in Review. May 2008 bring conflict resolution, good health, and love:

October
· Britney loses her kids.
· Charlie Sheen and his correspondences with ex-sad, jobless pig, Denise Richards
· David Letterman's classic post-jail Paris Hilton interview.
· Tell Me You Love Me introduces America to prop nuts and fake jizz.
· Danny Bonaduce piledrives Jonny Fairplay.
· Pamela Anderson weds the Paris Hilton sex-tape guy in Vegas.
· The path to war.
· IggyGate rocks a nation.
· That creepy thing about David Copperfield you could never quite put your finger on.
· The Great 2007 Fire of Everyfuckingwhere.
· The Great Strike Chair Dispute is a bad sign of things to come.
· Marie Osmond down n' out.
· Jerry Seinfeld demonstrates some Late Night hubris.

November
· The strike is on. (And on and on and on.)
· Ellen DeGeneres crosses picket lines.
· Shia LaBeouf's Walgreen's arrest.
· Fabio vs. Clooney.
· Michael Jackson's Ebony cover.
· Mickey Rourke's Vespa DUI.
· Dog the Bounty Hunter's gets caught N-wording on tape by his own son.
· The Incredible Picketing Baby: A strike star is born.
· Sharon Stone leaves little to the imagination.
· Matt Damon named the sexiest man alive.
· The hunkiest Bachelor ever refuses to play by The Bachelor rules.
· A live 30 Rock among the sweet spots in a bitter strike.
· Carson Daly's strike solution.
· Carrot Top scores!

December
· Kiefer's in jail :(
· Jodie Foster publicly thanks her life partner.
· Katherine Heigl puts her foot in it in Vanity Fair.
· Jennifer Love Hewitt's ass is a topic of much discussion.
· Dr. Phil's audience spared a taping of Dr. Phil.
· Quentin Tarantino horrifies early risers with his Golden Globe announcements.
· Steven Spielberg staying put.
· Jamie Lynn Spears is having a baby.
· A Return to Late Night.
· Last DUI of the year? Bet on it: Mischa Barton.
· Worldwide Pants the slacks of reason in the growing strike madness.

An All-Girl DUI Christmas

Seth — Fri, 28 Dec 2007 18:03:43 PST

· Michelle Rodriguez begins her 180-day jail odyssey, Topanga meets breathalyzer, De Mornay pays the piper, and Mischa Barton spends a night in jail.
· Sean and Robin's divorce: Could it have been Penn's stubborn opinions about The Beatles?
· The Defamer 2007 Year in Review: Parts I, II, and III. And our best videos of the year.
· Britney Spears spills her guts to Adnan the Paparazzo.
· Will Smith-Loves-HitlerGate: Could you clarify what you meant by "reprogramming?"
· Brandy walks.
· Casting the CBS MOW of the Benazir Bhutto tragedy.
· Carson Daly electrifying late night.
· Angelina Jolie and Rosie O'Donnell top annoying celebrity and do-gooder polls. We forget which won which.
· "He said something about, 'Taking my homies weed...'"
· Worldwide Pants and the WGA make beautiful, side-deal love.

Part III: Coke Pants, Britney's VMAs Dance

Seth — Fri, 28 Dec 2007 14:10:38 PST

Wow—is it July already? Someone turn off this space heater and get us some sangria! It must be time for more Defamer 2007 Year in Review:

July
· The big fucking robots finally come—and conquer.
· Kwik-E-Mart's invade the area.
· Lindsay Lohan comes of drinking age.
· CAA assistants gather to greet Becks in the stairwell. He never comes.
· Live Earth's a dud.
· Rosie O'Donnell defiles Elisabeth Hasselbeck.
· Ed Limato squeezed out at ICM.
· Jon Lovitz's Andy Dick smackdown.
· Introducing, Herr Cruise!
· Filipino "Thriller."
· Lindsay Lohan: The Coke-Pant, Denalijacking arrest.
· McPherson to Silverman: "Be a man."
· Merry Miller's Holly Hunter interview disaster.

August
· Billion Dollar Ratner Week.
· Whoopi Goldberg arrives at The View.
· Lohan joins the Cirque.
· The Phil Spector trial field trip and he's greatest canine supporter.
· Big Brother's Amber is leery of Jews, and other BB intolerances.
· Merv Griffin dead, gay.
· John From Cincinnati drowns in an inscrutable riptide.
· Hey—it's Naked Leopard Man! (Thanks, Dave!)
· The Learning Channel not quite successful achieving its mission statement.
· Owen Wilson attempts suicide.

September
· Rita Cosby's outrageous Howie-on-Larry allegations.
· Bill Murray's drunken Swedish golfcart joyride.
· Jerry Lewis's gay telethon slur.
· Crazed Italian Brad Pitt fan-attack!
· The Britney Spears VMAs performance of a lifetime.
· Kathy Griffin: "Screw Jesus. This award is my god now."
· Acknowledging the Rubyfruit Mafia.
· O.J. Simpson's stolen-shit shakedown.
· An Emmys in the round.
· Kid Nation premieres, and homesickness abounds.
· Spector jury hung. Mistrial is declared.
· Sherri Shepherd admits she has no clue what shape the planet is.
· Leave Britney Alone!
· George Clooney's motorcycle accident.
· Kiefer Sutherland's U-Turn of Doom.
· Spielberg: "Completely Immaterial."

Part II: Thoughtless Little Pigs, Heiresses Behind Bars

Seth — Thu, 27 Dec 2007 13:27:37 PST

Join us, won't you, as we continue to skip down the cobblestone, empty blow-baggie-strewn paths of 2007 Memory Lane:
April
· The Captivity billboard campaign. (Did those ever come down?)
· Keith Richards admits to snorting his pa.
· Defending the Cavemen.
· A smiley Joe Francis is put away for a very long time.
· Larry Birkhead hates to tell us he told us so, but he told us so.
· Don Imus is Moonves'd.
· A Mischaesque harbinger of things to come.
· Sanjaya, out.
· Alec Baldwin's "rude, thoughtless little pig" tirade.
· Foul-mouthed infant landlord Pearl becomes a sensation.
· Rosie announces her departure.
· Jack Valenti dies.
· Stephen Hawking flies.

May
· Paris Hilton sentenced to 45 days.
· Hasselburger down!
· Bruce Willis's Sweary Night in Canada.
· Russell Crowe loses it rhapsodizing Brian Grazer.
· Chris Albrecht's bumpy night bumps him right out of HBO.
· Kirstie Alley the surprise hero of The Great Griffith Park Fires of 2007.
· Paris pardons Elliot Mintz.
· Who knew the Upfronts would wind up being a gigantic waste of time? (Ahem.)
· Jerry Seinfeld's Bee Movie zipline stunt.
· The Pinkberry question.
· An Idol winner.
· Rosie storms out of The View.
· Shhhhhh. It's sleeping Jakeypoo on a train.
· Lindsay Lohan's "usable amount of cocaine" DUI arrest.
· · Kevin Reilly is shitcanned, and a perfect storm rock star takes his place.
· Hey—remember that TB guy?
· Typo of the Year.

June
· Paris, In-n-Out-n-In.
· Isaiah Washington fired from Grey's Anatomy.
· The Jericho peanut campaign starts a new era of snack-food-based fan demonstrations.
· Rob Lowe commits birdiecide.
· Eli Roth's monstrous manhood.
· Clooney and Damon press their paws in Grauman's.
· Don't Stop Believin': The Sopranos is over.
· Paris finds God.
· Brian Grazer and Gigi Levangie call it quits.
· Innovative assistants have their benefits revoked, and quickly restored. Shmears for all!
· CAA needlessly sends its assistants for iPhones.
· Paris is released.
· How Studio 60 ended.

Part I: Anna Nicole Gone, Britney Shorn

Seth — Wed, 26 Dec 2007 13:01:17 PST

2007: It was a year that started with a bang—would you classify Tara Reid unsuccessfully attempting to count backwards from 60 any other way?—and ended with one protracted, stalemated whimper, filled with not-so-shocking (and yet totally shocking!) deaths, outrageous pregnancies, and a visit from the transformative robots of our youth. Without further ado, we proudly present the first installment of our 2007 Year in Review:

January
· Tara Reid's endless New Year's Eve countdown.
· Vanessa Minnillo cusses her way into the new year.
· From Justin to Cameron: You're dumped.
· Welcome to the end of The O.C. era, bitch.
· Indy 4 gets a greenlight, and crystal skulls are still things you associate with a head shop.
· Gail Berman gets the ax, making Brad Grey the Emperor of Paramount.

· Welcoming the Beckhams.
· James Cameron settles on a project.
· Donald and Rosie still having relationship problems.
· Angelina Jolie assesses her feelings about the new white blob in her life.
· Golden Globes, top to bottom.
· The beginning of the end for Isaiah Washington.
· Sorky fights back!
· Dreamgirls, snubbed.
· The CAA Death Star opens for business.
· Nicole Kidman's Invasion accident. (Sooo not worth it.)

February
· The Aqua Teen Hunger Force marketing campaign has Boston under siege.
· With Lloyd Braun as her witness, Gail Berman shall rise again.
· Sienna Miller's Today show f-bomb.
· Chewie booked.
· OMFG: Anna Nicole dies. Eight great YouTube moments.
· Zucker ascends.
· Prince's Super Bowl demonschlong.
· Hey—remember that crazy astronaut in the diaper?
· They don't call Ralph Fiennes the Mile-High Mad Dog for nothing.
· Paris Hilton and Antonio Villaraigosa cozy up to discuss policy.
· Liveblogging Oscar.
· Britney shaves her head, and America really starts to suspect that something might be wrong.

March
· The Wolfgang Puck hepatitis A scare rocks canapé-noshing Hollywood!
· Antonella Barba: A star for the talentless, naughty-internet-photo generation.
· The first juicy-ish gossip item in the history of Hollywood sound mixers.
· Avert your eyes: Travolta is boogying in bikerwear.
· Steven Spielberg's stolen Rockwell.
· Fat Leto.
· Pax Thien put on Angelina's Black Card.
· Sly busted in Australia for possession of HGH.
· Britney in Promises.
· Richard Jeni's suicide.
· Brian Grazer presents The Los Angeles Times Currents Section: An Imagine Production canceled because of Grazergate.
· The amazing Lily Tomlin/David O. Russell Huckabees freakouts.
· Sanjayamania reduces us to tears.
· The Great Burbank Fire of '07.

A Very Spearsy Christmas

Seth — Fri, 21 Dec 2007 17:30:00 PST

· Jamie Lynn Spears: Pregnant and loving it! TV news reacts, and reacts, and reacts. Rounding it up. Nickelodeon's dilemma. The View weighs in.
· Is Schwarzenegger aching to slip back into his camo for John Matrix, the long-overdue Commando sequel?
· Kiefer, we're still waiting.
· One more chance to see Ashton Claus hump Rudolph the Red-Nosed Cougar.
· Bells and whistles continue to be added to the WGA and AMPTP's official web presences.
· It's official: The late night hosts are coming back, and so are Stewart and Colbert. They have been duly warned.
· Hey, why does Michael Jackson have masking tape all over his face? Oh, that's why.
· Eggnog aficionado Sherri Shepherd doesn't remember any passages in the Bible where it says you can't be a $1000-a-shot-drinking hot ho.
· Mike Malin tumbles from the Les Deux skylight like a starlet-banging Christmas angel.
· Introducing American Gladiators' former gay porn model.
· Facebook Status Updates: "CAA is...totally feasting on delicious take-out baby right now! Yumballs!"