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bolled over
Posts Tagged “
Uwe Boll
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bolled over
bolled over
Uwe Boll 'Confirms' Boxing Match with Michael Bay, Sues Billy Zane For Good Measure
On one hand we're sick to near-death of German provocateur Uwe Boll, whose perverse viral antics have amused us barely enough to keep us watching over the last month. But today the son of a bitch is making actual news: First by suing his Bloodrayne star Billy Zane for misleading him on the film's failed distribution in 2006, and then by actually confirming his proposed boxing match with flaxen fauxteur Michael Bay. So topical! So... angry! Find out where he's coming from (sort of) after the jump. More »
middling earth
If 'The Hobbit' Must Be Made, We'd Rather See One of These Directors at the Helm
Our dissatisfaction at Friday's news that Guillermo del Toro would inherit the Hobbit reins from Peter Jackson met with a mix of scorn and curiosity over the weekend. "Pony up an alternative, Cochise," wrote a commenter. "Destroy those two GENIUSES and all we will be left with is Lucas and Spielberg. And that is not a world I wish to live in." Us neither! That said, if the Laws of Hollywood Franchises dictate that this goddamned movie must exist, we can think of at least five talented directors off the tops of our heads whom we'd prefer over del Toro, Jackson or any of the other usual fanboy fantasy suspects. Tell us your own ideal hires after the jump. More »
boll-ed over
Uwe Boll's 15 minutes of hammy artistic self-defense are just about through, but we find ourselves increasingly won over with his thrashing, language-butchering viral efforts on his own behalf. And while we're pleased to hear he'll be judging that Uwe Boll Movie Challenge we noted here yesterday, we are total suckers for his latest — and ideally his last — publicity stunt before vanishing into fauxter oblivion. Or, in his words: "Boll against Bay": More »
Please, God, Please, Let These Men Fight to the Death!
Uwe Boll's 15 minutes of hammy artistic self-defense are just about through, but we find ourselves increasingly won over with his thrashing, language-butchering viral efforts on his own behalf. And while we're pleased to hear he'll be judging that Uwe Boll Movie Challenge we noted here yesterday, we are total suckers for his latest — and ideally his last — publicity stunt before vanishing into fauxter oblivion. Or, in his words: "Boll against Bay": More »
boll-ed over
New Contest Entices Amateur Filmmakers to Out-Suck Uwe Boll
Finally! Something constructive has emerged from film culture's ongoing Uwe Boll Career Deathwatch, and it involves all of us. To wit: "The Uwe Boll Movie Challenge," which encourages amateurs to make films using the infamously poor standards Boll has been railing about these last few weeks. Think of it like Be Kind Rewind, but with the guiding light of a German hack as opposed to a French aesthete. Check out the criteria after the jump, and get to work already: More »
true confessions
At Last, Even Michael Bay Admits Michael Bay Is Full of Shit
Further refining his sophisticated public persona from "egregiously self-aware Hollywood hack" to "egregiously self-aware Hollywood hack with a Web site," Michael Bay teased his regular readers Monday with the suggestion that he's making up Transformers 2 news as he goes along. "Sorry everyone, everything you are reading (other then we are shooting in Philly) is false," he wrote in a message-board forum after an open audition call yielded rampant story and script speculation. "We are going to give so much disinformation on this film to confuse everyone." More »
extended challenges
Uwe Boll: 'How Can I Be The Worst Director Alive When Michael Bay Walks Among Us?'
The Stop Dr. Uwe Boll online petition ticks ever upward, a sort of virtual career death clock whose every added signature brings us one tantalizing step closer to the million required to ensure the director never unleashes another atrociously realized video game adaptation on a public who strongly feel all the loose threads of BloodRaynes 1 thru 2 still don't quite justify a third. Not surprisingly, the feisty and outspoken cinematic visionary has opted to fight back, via verbal take-downs of some of his better regarded peers. From the MTV Movies Blog:
"Lets say Tom Tykwer, he did 'Run, Lola Run,' right? But 'Perfume' is a piece of sh-t, let's face it, yeah?"More »
the clip show
A Week Of False Terribles
As we put this week to bed, it's time to reflect, project, deflect and genuflect on the week that was...
· Big week for Gorgeous George Clooney. His passion project, Leatherheads,
disappointed at the box office (twice!), he was on the receiving end of a threatening phone call and his sand-loving girlfriend turned his bachelor pad into Yankee Candle outlet. Ah, who are we kidding? He can still pull digits with the best of 'em.
· Ellen Page butched it up on Leno and may (or may not!) have dissed Hanoi Jane.
· Certainly, Tom Cruise has had better weeks. MGM tried to spin Valkyrie's second release date pushback as a B.O. ploy, but we knew better.
· Artie Lange and Charlton Heston both had shitty weeks, too. Artie resigned from the Howard Stern Show and Charlton, well, he died.
· The hackiest hack that ever hacked, Uwe Boll, found himself on the wrong end of an online petition that might just end his career (fingers crossed!). Howevs, he was able to leverage the power of the internet to fight back ... twice!
· It was Musical Chairs week at Hollywood's biggest talent agencies. Bob DeNiro bolted from CAA (spurring a hilarious poison pen post from the Death Star), Nick Stevens led one of "the biggest agent migrations in years" when he bolted from UTA to Endeavor and a finch with a mean streak wreaked havoc at CAA shortly after Ashton Kutcher became the agency's newest client.
· Teri Hatcher and Clint Black learned that they're both better off sticking with their day jobs.
· After publicly (and somewhat shadily) announcing that he and his wife were victims of an alleged extortion attempt by his nanny, Rob Lowe displayed the keen ability to turn an adjective into a noun when he coined the term "false terribles."
boll-ed over
Philosophical Uwe Boll Suddenly Knows Why You Hate Him
If it weren't for the petition featuring nearly 168,000 signers calling for his head, we'd probably leave well-enough alone when it comes to genre-hack whipping-boy Uwe Boll. But not even his own targets can resist his thickly accented self-defense, with similarly skill-challenged fauxters Eli Roth and Michael Bay — whom Boll labeled a "fucking retard" in a video released on Wednesday — publicly deflecting Boll's attacks over the last 24 hours. Naturally, with tens of thousands of dollars worth of free publicity at stake, Boll came back against all his haters in yet another stream-of-consciousness slam: More »
investments
'Genius' With $20 Million Seeks Producer; Must Like Hermits, Work Cheap
A browse through Defamer's Craigslist Hall of Fame suggests a near-future when all of Hollywood's hopes, dreams and ambitions will be funneled directly through the classifieds. We've never been more certain than we were this afternoon, when an eagle-eyed tipster spotted a real genius — not one of these half-assed Uwe Boll types, but a guy who can actually spell "nanotechnology" — on the prowl for a very generous producer:
I have been called a genius by some of the world's top scientists. I became interested in writing scripts many years ago, and studied screenwriting independently (and intensely) between 1985 and 1990, and wrote two practice feature scripts and ten TV scripts. However, I was living in isolation (as geniuses sometimes do), so had no social contacts, much less connections in the industry. ...More »
boll-ed over
vindictive fanboy rage populist aesthetic taste that is the Stop Uwe Boll Petition has more than doubled its support since we last viewed it, edging the reviled German filmmaker within a mere 860,000 signatures of his million-hater promise to never direct again. While we're optimistic that democracy can take the day by, like, 2012, we're equally devastated by Boll's aggrieved video rebuke/promotional vehicle that appeared online Tuesday:
Reviled Uwe Boll Makes His Case As "The Only Genius In The Whole Fucking Business"
The breathtaking display ofI want that there's a petition also out there — like a pro-Boll petition — and I expect a million votes pro-Boll. And I hope somebody will set it up and you all start signing it, because look: I'm not a fucking retard like Michael Bay or other people running around in the business, or Eli Roth making the same shitty movies over and over again. If you really look at my movies you will see my real genius, you know?More »
let freedom ring
Be the Lucky Millionth Petitioner Who Ends Uwe Boll's Career
Behind the facade of those vacant eyes and the kind of resume that would have had most filmmakers changing careers years ago, we knew there was a reasonable man hiding somewhere inside Uwe Boll. In a recent interview with the horror Web site FEARnet, the critic-boxing director of such celluloid atrocities as BloodRayne, In the Name of the King and Postal made a modest proposal for an early retirement we can all get behind: More »
defamer on the red carpet
'Postal' Director Uwe Boll Shares His Theory On The Eventual 9/11 Remake
From time to time, Defamer videographer Molly McAleer seeks out the temporary camaraderie of the friendly folks patrolling the red carpet of various Hollywood events, looking to make a connection with someone other than the abusive, controlling TiVo mascot with whom she's recently formed an unhealthy relationship. On Sunday night, Molly turned up at the ArcLight premiere of Postal, the latest addition to director Uwe Boll's video-game-derived cinematic canon, where she and the legendarily confrontational Boll seemed to hit it off.
counterpoints
Uwe Boll Now Pummeling Critics With Nasty E-Mail Instead Of Fists
Uwe Boll, Hollywood's go-to director when a studio absolutely, positively needs a video game adapted into a terrible movie that may one day show a profit in the home video market, is among the last of a dying breed of macho filmmakers who are utterly unafraid to fucking fight you if you write a review that displeases them. (Taking out a retaliatory full-page ad in Variety is, as you might guess, the pussified last refuge of the coward.) Upon reading Wired's negative assessment of Postal, Boll's latest contribution to the cinematic canon, he dashed off this love note to Chris Kohler, the piece's author: More »
uwe boll
Back in June, Uwe Boll, the much-pilloried director of inept, video-game-based filmed entertainments (and, perhaps most damningly, a movie in which Tara Reid starred as a genius anthropologist), challenged a handful of his most vocal detractors to a public boxing match, promising that scenes from the fights would later be incoherently edited into future masterwork Postal. On Saturday night, the pugilistic director finally engaged his predictably glass-jawed critics in the much-anticipated fisticuffs up in Vancouver, utilizing his long-bottled rage to quickly dispatch all four combatants with a flurry of hacky fists. There's video of the melee above (via Ain't It Cool's report), and after the jump, the Defamer Special Correspondent on Runaway Bloodsport Production offers a blow-by-blow of the event. Enjoy.
More »
Uwe Boll Conquers His Critics
Back in June, Uwe Boll, the much-pilloried director of inept, video-game-based filmed entertainments (and, perhaps most damningly, a movie in which Tara Reid starred as a genius anthropologist), challenged a handful of his most vocal detractors to a public boxing match, promising that scenes from the fights would later be incoherently edited into future masterwork Postal. On Saturday night, the pugilistic director finally engaged his predictably glass-jawed critics in the much-anticipated fisticuffs up in Vancouver, utilizing his long-bottled rage to quickly dispatch all four combatants with a flurry of hacky fists. There's video of the melee above (via Ain't It Cool's report), and after the jump, the Defamer Special Correspondent on Runaway Bloodsport Production offers a blow-by-blow of the event. Enjoy.
More »
movies
Uwe Boll Challenges Critics To Beat His Lack Of Talent Out Of Him
In a gesture that would indicate a final and complete severing of whatever tenuous bonds with the real world he had left, hack videogame-movie director Uwe Boll has come up with a novel way to answer his many detractors. According to Ain't It Cool News, Boll is inviting his critics to apply to win the opportunity to beat the living shit out of him, footage of which will end up in Postal, his shooting-rampage movie based on (you guessed it) the videogame of the same name: More »
movies
Utterly Obvious Headline Of The Day
You don't say? Because we thought the legendary director of such video game adaptation masterworks as House of the Dead, Alone in the Dark (featuring Tara Reid as a genius anthropologist), and BloodRayne was about to blow us all away by trying his hand at a lighthearted romantic comedy. More »
