Defamer
Uma Thurman
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stalk'd
Umastalker Found Guilty Of Umastalking
Jack Jordan is the lovelorn and deeply misunderstood man currently on trial for having developed—and who hasn't!—an irrationally obsessive crush on screen siren Uma Thurman. This in turn led him to perform such deeply unsettling, yet oddly touching, gestures as presenting Thurman with samples of his own stick-figure art—which we've reproduced according to trial testimony's exacting specifications. The AP now reports that a jury has found Jordan guilty. The conviction—one count of stalking and one count of aggravated harassment—means Jordan could face up to one year in jail.
More »Uma Thurman's 'Happy Stalked Actress Day' Card: A Defamer Recreation
After reading the vivid description of a greeting card plucked from the "Friendship - Stalked Actress" section of his local Hallmark store and presented by noted creep Jack Jordan to Uma Thurman on the steps of her My Super Ex-Girlfriend trailer, all we wanted was to catch a glimpse of the heavily-doodled correspondence. Sadly, none seemed to exist. No matter: We simply asked the talented team over at Defamer's Evidence-Recreation Dept. to whip us up this stunning facsimile, based upon Thurman's detailed testimony. We think you'll find it a satisfactory approximation of the original, down to the last ACME razor blade and "tee-hee."
love letters
Uma Thurman's Stalker Wooed Her With Doodled Harbingers Of Stick-Figure Doom
It's safe to say that every celebrity, even Artie Lange, has their fair share of fans with crushes on them. But when the celebrity in question happens to be the Amazonian Tarantino muse Uma Thurman, this group of lovey-dovey fans will naturally include at least a few nutcases. Enter Jack Jordan, the soft-spoken schizo whose stalking enterprise we filled you in on earlier this week. But today, on the third day of his trial in New York, the actress finally took the stand herself to deliver her testimony. As the NY Times reports, Thurman began by describing a card Jordan had delivered to her trailer while she was filming My Super Ex-Girlfriend:On the front was a dreamy pastel store-bought image of a small blonde girl, a spray of pink flowers and a dove...On the back was a crude pen and ink drawing of a male stick figure walking off the edge of an Acme razor blade into an open grave.But Jordan's doodles came with thought balloons! And fragmented romantic dialogue! More after the jump: More »
annals of stalking
Lawyer Outlines Fine Difference Between Obsessed Creep And Stalker In Uma Thurman Harassment Trial
As any celebrity knows, the lines dividing fan, superfan, stalker, and murderous stalker are often blurred; one day, you're receiving innocent, screwdriver-and-rock-filled gift bags, card attached reading, "Oh yes, we will be together, you and I. Mark my words," the next you're frantically dialing 911 to report the machete-wielding maniac standing over your bed and screaming something about never having received a thank-you note. Extreme Uma Thurman-enthusiast Jack Jordan, for example—currently on trial for having harassed the actress and her family obsessively for two years—isn't a stalker at all, his lawyer argues. He's merely your garden variety creep:
Jordan, 37, is accused of sending harassing e-mails to Thurman's father and brother, loitering for hours on the steps of Thurman's Manhattan apartment and visiting her trailer on a movie set.More »
Terse Uma Thurman Wilts Under David Letterman's Cross-Examination
As far as directionless conversations with aloof, quasi-paranoid movie stars go, David Letterman's interview last night with Uma Thurman went about as well as could be expected. Perhaps retaining the slightest of old Oprah-Uma Oscar grudges toward our favorite joke-recycling late-night icon, Thurman deflects an odd series of inquiries about her country home for a full minute before anything resembling a punchline arrives. It could be a Pellicano trial reenactment as much as an affected celebrity sit-down, or perhaps just uncannily close to a conversation Thurman had earlier in the day with ex-husband Ethan Hawke. We knew Dave likes the studio cold, but watch after the jump and tell us if this isn't a bit much. [CBS]
sartorial success
Top 10 Best Dressed Oscar Girls Of Yore
For every swan dress there is a fire engine red body-hugger worn by the likes of Catherine Zeta-Jones, or one of those golden sparkle-y things that just melts all over Halle Berry's body. To prove we're not just big meanies when it comes to discussing Oscar outfits of yesterday, we've put together our Top Ten picks for the most exclamatory, drop-dead dresses ever worn on an Oscar red carpet, and even redeemed one member of the Worst Club by placing her at the shiny top of our Best-Dressed cake. More »
fashion purgatory
Top 10 Worst Of The Worst Of The Worst Oscar Outfits (Have No Fear, Swan Head Is Here)
Yes, sadly, it's that time again. Time to stare into the lifeless abyss that is the Swan Dress. But Bjork's legendary snafu has friends! Like Celine Dion's Backwards Suit, Gwyneth Paltrow's Saggy Boob Goth Gown and Corey Feldman's Hammer Pants. All have appeared at one Oscars showdown or another, and all are here for your enjoyment once again. More »
Hey, if Woody Allen can get away with schtupping his adopted daughter and later having one big happy family with her, surely rumored rascal Ethan Hawke can be forgiven for knocking up his (and Uma's) former nanny, right? The Gen X posterboy and girlfriend Ryan Shawhughes announced today that another baby Hawke is on the way, his third (Maya, 9, and Levon, 6, are his kids from his marriage to Uma). For those of you keeping score at home, this makes Hawke the third well-known actor (following David Spade and Matthew McConaughey) to spend the last few months of 2007 completely and totally rubberless. Congrats! [US Magazine]
irreconcilable payscales
Ethan Hawke On The Difficulty Of Loving A More Successful Actress
As much as we'd like to see our favorite celebrity marriages succeed, the sad truth is that the majority of romantic unions featuring one or more paparazzi-targets will end in crushing disappointment, as the two slowly come to realize that the disparity in their per-picture asking prices has wedged a permanent rift between them. Still, like so many other blatantly obvious yet unspoken Hollywood truths, that fact is never actually addressed. Instead, we get familiar clichés like "irreconcilable differences," and publicist mainstay, "the two remain great friends"—all of which makes the former Mr. Uma Thurman's candidness on the subject at a recently taped episode of Shootout all the more refreshing:
"It's unfair when one person's career is taking off and the other is really suffering," the 36-year-old actor tells AMC's "Shootout" in an interview slated to air Sunday.More »
uma thurman
Hollywood PrivacyWatch: Uma Thurman Devotes 45 Minutes To Consuming Single Gyro
PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are posted several times a week, and the millionth sighting wins a Cavalier—so send them in often! Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line) and let everyone know about the time you spotted Debbie Downer finding nothing to complain about at Mozza. More »
culture
Russian Rockstars Uma2Rman Want To Meet Their Muse
Something about Uma Thurman—maybe it's in her shimmering laugh, her translucent eyes, or her ability to karate chop her way out of her own grave—has made her an enduring it-muse the world over. The director of Cannes, for example, dubbed her Knight in the Order of Arts and Letters, an ostentatious pretense that cleverly allowed him to get his film festival-curating paws in the vicinity of her Uma-goodies during the medal ceremony. Now, a Russian rock band who found massive success after naming themselves for the actress are putting word out that they want to meet Thurman on their first US tour: More »
uma thurman
Cannes Director Sticks Uma Thurman With His Honorable Pin
In dubbing Uma Thurman a "knight in the Order of Arts and Letters" today, Cannes Film Festival Director Gilles Jacob did a marvelous job at demonstrating how the French have literally elevated the practice of the sleazy come-on to the realm of high art: More »
sightings
