The Writers Guild of America, West, (WGAw) says that women and minority writers remain underrepresented on television staffs, according to the preliminary findings from its forthcoming Hollywood Writers Report. [...]

According to the WGAw, the data for hiring on show for next season "looks increasingly grim following the recent shuttering of urban-oriented networks UPN and WB to create the newly launched, fledgling CW network."

The CW consolidation is only likely to make the ongoing crackerfication of TV worse, though the merge-crazy, bottom-line-focused network has offered the concession of combining all their urban shows into a one-hour dramedy staffed entirely by 60 women and minority scribes, an exciting opportunity for underrepresented writers to bang out the weekly adventures of Taye Diggs and Eve raising their adopted son, young Chris Rock.

• TV Staffs Are Light on Women, Minorities [B&C]

[Series creator Glen A.] Larson has bandied about the project for years. "A number of people wanted to do a pure comedic send-up of it, but I always felt that would throw away the franchise," he said. "There was always some humor on the show, but this film will probably have more gallows, foxhole humor.

"I had a meeting with Harvey, and I could tell he had just seen the two-hour pilot for the series." he said. "We agreed the film would be a darker, edgier version of the series, somewhere between 'Knight Rider' and 'Sin City.' "

Somewhere, Seann William Scott's agent is placing a very difficult call to tell his client that he can stop shopping for tight jeans and a black Members Only jacket. But while it's a momentary relief to discover that the ironic adaptation option is off the table, do we really need a "darker, edgier version" of a series that was essentially a Moonlighting-style romantic comedy about the frustrated—but very real—love between a man and his sassy, vehicular soulmate? At this point in their careers, we're willing to bet that Harvey Weinstein can even make a more literal connection between the two series, and get Bruce Willis and Cybill Shepherd to play the hero and his car, staying true to the lighthearted spirit of the original show.

• Weinstein Co. gears up for 'Knight Rider' [THR]

In fairness to NBC, we have to admit that the concept of Alan Thicke shouting barely audible cooking jokes over a screaming studio audience as Cindy Margolis dices carrots in a low-plunging top sounded like a winner. They never could've seen those "pathetic" Nielsens coming.

• NBC cancels 'Celebrity Cooking Showdown' [THR]

The justices, ruling 7-0, agreed with Warner Bros. Television Productions that trash talk was part of the creative process and, therefore, the studio and its writers could not be sued for raunchy writers' meetings.

The court added that no jury would believe the writers' assistant was the target of harassment during profanity-laced meetings.

"The record discloses that most of the sexually coarse and vulgar language at issue did not involve and was not aimed at plaintiff or other women in the workplace," Justice Marvin Baxter wrote. [...]

Amaani Lyle, 32, alleged six years ago that raw sexual remarks peppering work sessions and conversations added up to harassment against women.

Lyle said she was offended by repeated references to the actors' sex lives and to the writers' own sexual exploits as they penned the successful NBC sitcom rife with bawdy banter about six New York City friends.

She was fired after four months on the job, allegedly because she could not transcribe meetings fast enough or capture the flavor of the meetings.

Perhaps the most important legal precedent set by this decision is the affirmation of a sitcom staff's ability to fire assistants over their inadequate typing/transcribing skills, the standard industry excuse used by confrontation-averse writers to terminate someone they don't like.

• Court Rejects 'Friends' Trash Talk Case [Breitbart.com/AP]

The pilot episode of "The Bedford Diaries," which concerns a group of college students attending a class on human sexuality, had already been accepted by WB's standards department. After the F.C.C. decision last week to issue millions of dollars in fines against broadcast stations, the network's chairman, Garth Ancier, contacted Mr. Fontana and asked him to edit a number of specific scenes out of the show, including one that depicted two girls in a bar kissing on a dare and another of a girl unbuttoning her jeans.

"I said no," Mr. Fontana said in an interview Wednesday. "I told him I found the ruling incomprehensible. He said the censor would do the edit."

The decision, several network executives said yesterday, could represent a further step in the spread of alternative means for television programs to reach viewers, including iPods and computers. It could also increase the risk that network television will be seen as pass by some of its audience, especially younger viewers.

"The message here is that they'll be forced to go alternative ways of looking at shows if they want to see the real thing," Mr. Fontana said. "It's like they're telling people that broadcast television now has much less interesting stuff than you see on the Web or cable."

What is at stake is nothing less than the American public's right to watch on network television twentysomething actresses playing curious teenagers unconvincingly pressing together their lips in a fashion that will not reveal any intertwined tongues, thus ruining a broadcast-acceptable take. More importantly, the practice of presenting these "uncut" episodes on the Web threatens to taint the whole internet, that unspoiled bastion of true, unashamed, hot lesbian action. Let's keep Mischa Barton's clumsy, bi-curious experimentations where they belong and stop this madness before it's too late.

• WB Censors Its Own Drama for Fear of F.C.C. Fines [NY Times]
• Previously: 'Without A Trace's' $3.6 Million Teen Orgy Scene [Defamer]
• 'Without A Trace's' Teen Orgy Scene: The Totally Hot Full-Text Version [Defamer]

[Photo: Discovery Channel]

• Jeremy Piven's Journey of a Lifetime [Discovery Channel via The Gilded Moose]
• Previously: Piven Does The Worm [Defamer]

At the bustling CBS lot in Studio City, Elfman chats on a sofa on the set of Alex's apartment. The couch is very chic off-white, decorated with polka-dot mocha and teal cushions, which pick up on the over-all decor of the room. Elfman's involvement in every aspect of the show even extends to color coordination.

"I picked the paint," she says, explaining how she worked closely with the production designer and set decorator. "I wanted to raise the aesthetic value of the sitcom many notches because, 'Why not?' … I wanted to juxtapose timelessness and modern throughout the entire show in set design, wardrobe, casting …"

Elfman's got a producing credit on the series, which seems to entitle her to a certain degree of helpfulness in all aspects of the production. This is probably good news for the other producers, writers, and crew members who invariably just love it when one of their stars take credit for their work; when she suffers a crippling on-set "accident" following an interview in which she claims responsibility for everything from story arcs to the show's set lighting, there will probably be far too many suspects to make any charges stick.

• Elfman Plays Against Type in New Show [AP]

OK, it's just a typo on the Netscape home page, but the above scenario is really no more ridiculous than watching actual, frighteningly upholstered DWTS contestant George Hamilton learning to tango in his mothballed Love at First Bite tuxedo.

• Netscape.com
• Dancing With The Stars [ABC.com]

WTWO’s move is being hailed by the Tupelo, Miss.-based American Family Association (AFA). The AFA has been attacking the show, urging affiliates not to air the series and calling on advertisers to boycott. The AFA says several major advertisers have pulled out, but will not name them.

[Station manager Duane] Lammers, however, says his decision has nothing to do with AFA’s campaign. [...]

The AFA says NBC is promoting the show as a serious drama about Christians, but calls Quinn’s character “a drug-addicted Episcopal priest whose wife depends heavily on her midday martinis." In a statement, AFA Chairman Donald E. Wildmon said, “We are tired of NBC’s anti-Christian bigotry.” The group also points to a gay character as another problem with the show.

Maybe the AFA was willing to play ball when it was just a Viked-out priest and his boozy WASP wife, but when NBC insisted on piling on with the gays, the floodgates to good, old-fashioned red state outrage were opened. In any case, the local station manager will probably return to the office tomorrow and find an enormous gift basket from NBC president Kevin Reilly, with a note attached indicating that all of the characters on his new Must See TV Thursday line-up are all secretly Sodomites and should be immediately punished by further publicity-attracting protests.

• NBC Affil Drops Daniel [Broadcasting & Cable]

NEW YEAR S EVE WITH CARSON DALY 12/28/05, 10p, Version 5

ACT ONE:

#1: (Carson V/O live shots Times Square)

NEW YORK CITY LIVE IN TIMES SQUARE DECEMBER 31, 2005 11:30 EASTERN STANDARD TIME IN A TRADITION THAT DATES BACK 101 YEARS MORE THAN A MILLION PEOPLE ARE HERE TO WATCH AS A 1,000-POUND BALL OF IRISH WATERFORD CRYSTAL XX STORIES ABOVE THE STREET (megan, peter check bold) — IS DROPPED FROM THE TOP OF ONE TIMES SQUARE GREETING ANOTHER NEW YEAR

More exclusive read along excerpts after the jump!

#2 (Carson O/C welcome)

WELCOME TO NBC S NEW YEAR S EVE I M CARSON DALY WE RE LIVE (-IN A PLACE I VE COME TO ESPECIALLY ENJOY THIS NIGHT-): TIMES SQUARE AT 46TH STREET BETWEEN BROADWAY AND SEVENTH AVENUE IN THE MIDST OF THE LARGEST COLLECTION OF HUMANITY RIGHT NOW ON THE NORTH AMERICAN CONTINENT EVERYONE UNITED UNDER THE NEON

RIGHT UP TO MIDNIGHT AND BEYOND WE LL BE BRINGING YOU ALL THE SIGHTS AND SOUNDS OF THIS UNMATCHED CELEBRATION

IT S A (WEATHER TK) NIGHT TEMPERATURE: TK AND WHAT YOU RE SEEING AROUND ME IS CONTROLLED CHAOS EXPERTLY MANAGED BY (TK POLICE FORCE di ask for press release) OF NEW YORK S FINEST ONLY IN NEW YORK COULD YOU IMAGINE A CROWD THIS ENORMOUS BEING MANAGED, WRANGLED AND PEACEFULLY RELEASED

(SECURITY PROVISIONS TK peter search, pens, measure taken)

BEFORE THE BIG MOMENT NOW TK- MINUTES AWAY WE HAVE A FEW OF OUR OWN

INCLUDING ON OUR OWN STAGE, JUST A FEW STEPS AWAY THE WOMAN WITH THE NUMBER ONE ALBUM IN THE COUNTRY THIS WEEK NATIVE NEW YORKER MARY J. BLIGE HERE WITH US TO PERFORM LIVE [...]

#3 (Carson O/C Melissa the ball???)

BUT FIRST — STANDING BY LIVE RIGHT NOW AT THE COUNTDOWN STAGE, WITH THE IRISHMAN WHO LED THE DESIGN OF THE TIMES SQUARE BALL (TK Brooke, from Ireland?) NBC S MELISSA STARK [...]

#7a (Carson V/O London)

(London)
A LITTLE LESS THAN FIVE HOURS AGO THE WORLD S MOST FAMOUS CLOCK, BIG BEN, ANNOUNCED THE NEW YEAR IN LONDON
(May not need next line, if folo with torch — THE CITY WHICH CELEBRATED IN 2005 THE AWARDING OF THE 2012 SUMMER OLYMPIC GAMES )

#7b (Carson V/O torch relay)

AND TONIGHT IN ITALY THE OLYMPIC TORCH RELAY CONTINUED (Location TK, torchbearer TK) THE ULTIMATE DESTINATION THE OPENING CEREMONY OF THE 20TH OLYMPIC WINTER GAMES FEBRUARY 10, IN TORINO

#7c (Olympic guests????) [...]

IT MAY NOT BE WELL KNOWN EVEN TO NEW YORKERS THAT THE CITY WILL OFFICIALLY HAVE ITS NEW MAYOR ONE MINUTE AFTER MIDNIGHT ON THE COUNTDOWN STAGE BEHIND ME, THE NEWLY RE-ELECTED, HONORABLE MICHAEL J. BLOOMBERG WILL HAVE LOTS OF BUSINESS TONIGHT PRESSING THE BUTTON THAT DROPS THAT BALL THEN A MOMENT LATER, RAISING HIS RIGHT HAND TO BE SWORN IN

Rob—-#8a (Mayor chat Guest of Honor?) [...]

#12 (Carson lead to Johnny VT)

WELCOME BACK AS WE CREEP EVER CLOSER TO 2006 VERY SOON, IT LL BE ALL EYES ON THE BALL

IN THE PAST YEAR, WE LOST A TV GIANT — JOHNNY CARSON BEFORE MOVING TO LOS ANGELES, HE WAS HERE IN NEW YORK WITH THE TONIGHT SHOW, EVERY NEW YEAR S EVE PART OF AN NBC TRADITION GOING BACK SOME SIX DECADES IN THIS EXCLUSIVE CLIP OUR LATENIGHT DEPARTMENT HAS DISCOVERED AND DUSTED OFF, JOHNNY IS JOINED BY HIS USUAL NEW YEAR S COMPANION — NBC S FAMED RADIO ANNOUNCER BEN GRAUER FORTY YEARS AGO, ON THIS VERY NIGHT THE NBC PEACOCK AS YOU LL SEE WAS STILL NOT QUITE FULLY IN LIVING COLOR

#12a (Johnny tape ) [...]

NOTES:
1,000 POUNDS OF IRISH WATERFORD CRYSTAL
600 LIGHTS
96 FLASHING STROBES
72 CRYSTAL TRIANGLES
THIS YEAR S THEME A HOPE FOR FELLOWSHIP
SLIDING DOWN 100 FEET (Must confirm)

(More facts to come Carson choose bullet points can be placed on blue cards.)

#16a (BALL DROPS)

Show and character: 8 Simple Rules for Dating My Teenage Daughter John Ritter as Paul Hennessy

Series star Ritter died of a heart condition in 2003, after completing three episodes of the show's second season.

The solution:
When the series resumed production after a brief hiatus, mom Cate (Katey Sagal) had discovered Paul had died and broke the news to the kids. Cate's father, Jim (James Garner) and, later, nephew C.J. (David Spade), joined the show to help fill the male void.

Show and character:
Law & Order: Trial by Jury
Jerry Orbach as Detective Lennie Briscoe

After a 12 year-run as homicide detective Briscoe on Law & Order, Orbach was cast as a regular on the show's short-lived 2005 spinoff. He died of prostate cancer in December 2004, after shooting just three episodes.

The solution:
The show dedicated an episode to Orbach and referenced that his character had died. A memorial service was held.

We must hand it to chart-crazy USA Today's crack research department, who could almost be accused of doing too good a job. Never again will we find ourselves wondering aloud how the death of Dolph Sweet boosted Nell Carter's career during the 1985-86 season of Gimme a Break!

• How series deal with death [USA Today]
• Previously: West Wing Actor John Spencer Dies [Defamer]

This account of Dave Chappelle's fall from grace has been pieced together by me, a retired public relations executive who wishes to remain anonymous. my contacts, many of whom were closely related to the individuals involved, enabled me to fairly accurately recount the events that took place. You can take this for what you wish, but it is the truth — the abhorrent byproduct of the industry I used to hold to such a high esteem.

I have written this account without the need for embellishments or exaggerations for the truth is appalling enough. Let this site serve as a drawn curtain to the entertainment industry which is blindly adored by the entire world.

What follows is pages upon (nicely designed, oddly) pages about the efforts of the "dark crusaders," a nefarious collection of prominent African-Americans (Al Sharpton! Louis Farrakhan! Bill Cosby! Oprah Winfrey! ...Whoopi Goldberg?) who were hell-bent on scaring Dave Chappelle into discontinuing Chappelle's Show. We did some digging around and still don't know whether to laugh or tighten our tinfoil helmets, but if you've ever secretly felt that Oprah was sending you messages through her TV show (or feared she might might show up with thugs and threaten you in the bathroom), it might be best to sit this one out.

• The Chappelle Theory

John Spencer, who played a dedicated politico on "The West Wing" who survived a serious illness to run for vice president, died of a heart attack Friday, his publicist said.

Spencer, 58, died at a Los Angeles hospital, said publicist Ron Hofmann. He would have been 59 next week.

Spencer played Leo McGarry, the chief of staff to President Jeb Bartlet (Martin Sheen) through the first few seasons of the NBC series. In a sad parallel to life, his character suffered a heart attack that forced him to give up his White House job.

The character recovered and was picked as a running mate for Democratic presidential contender Matt Santos, played by Jimmy Smits; the campaign has been a central theme this season for the drama.

Sadly, the great TV writer in the sky isn't beholden to AFTRA minimums and episode commitments.

• 'West Wing' Actor John Spencer Dies of Heart Attack [AP]

HOLLYWOOD TO REMAIN ON HIGH ALERT AS COMEDY CENTRAL® RENEWS "THE SHOWBIZ SHOW WITH DAVID SPADE" FOR A SECOND SEASON
NEW YORK, December 8, 2005 — Millions agree. Hollywood had it coming and David Spade is just getting started. COMEDY CENTRAL has ordered a second season of the weekly satire, "The Showbiz Show with David Spade," it was announced today by Lauren Corrao, executive vice president of original programming and development. The second season of "The Showbiz Show with David Spade" will premiere on March 23, 2006 and consist of 13 episodes.

"Taking on the fertile field of self-important Hollywood is a concept we've long believed in and felt our viewers wanted and expected from us," said Corrao. "David and the team at 'Showbiz' have shown no fear providing biting, satirical commentary week-after-week throughout the first season, which has seen the show grow and really come into its own over the course of the run, turning 'Showbiz' into a favorite with our audience and a new franchise for the network."

"COMEDY CENTRAL gave us the freedom to do 'Showbiz' the way we want to and with their help we think it's getting sharper and better every week," said Spade. "Plus, everyone at work was excited to hear that their subscriptions to US Weekly won't be cancelled."

Indeed, Spade's pleased that the network hasn't been interfering with his vision by demanding that he say something that might cause Leonardo DiCaprio to withhold an approving high-five across their VIP booth at Privilege.

[Ed.note—Dude, can we tone this down a bit? If you keep this up, he's never gonna look at our reel.]

• Previously: David Spade To Tease His Buddies [Defamer]

But Quinn Taylor, ABC's senior vice president in charge of movies for television, acknowledged that the attention-getting value of having Mr. Gibson attached to a Holocaust project was a factor.

"Controversy's publicity, and vice versa," Mr. Taylor said.

While the baldfaced grab for controversy might seem utterly crass to us, ABC was powerless against the visionary Gibson's breathtaking pitch for the miniseries' climactic scene, a Braveheart-style battle with thousands of Jewish and Nazi combatants rushing at each other across an open field.

• Mel Gibson Plans TV Miniseries on Holocaust [NY Times
• Previously: Mel Gibson Gets Surprisingly Helpful Notes From Montezuma [Defamer]

Suddenly, a break in the violence. Letterman paused, as if to drink in the sight of his worthy opponent, his hands clutching fistfuls of Winfrey's hair. Eyes met. Letterman broke the eye contact, turning his face towards the blood soaking through his once-white shirt. His? Hers? No matter. Eyes met again. And then as quickly as fist first met unclenched jaw, the two grapplers were devouring each other, with every grunt and lip-smack of their greedy osculation captured by Letterman's lapel mic. As tattered jacket slipped off narrow shoulders and ball gown slid down torso, the cameras violently panned to the ashen face of the bandleader, whose silently mouthed Ohmy told us more about the carnal acts unfolding than any intrusive Steadicam work ever could.

The feud, it seems, is over.

• Letterman welcomes Oprah to end 'feud' [AP]

Matthew Houbrick, 42, of Calabasas, Calif., was found dead about 3:30 p.m., in his 6th floor room at the Drake Hotel.

Some white powder, believed to be cocaine or heroin, was also found in the room, a source close to the investigation told the Chicago Sun-Times.

It was unclear how long Houbrick had been dead, but a police source said a Hollywood producer was concerned about the man and asked hotel staff to make a well-being check. Police officials obtained the information about his job title, but Fox network spokesmen did not confirm Houbrick's death late Monday.

UPDATE: Houbrick was not listed on IMdB, Studio System or the Prison Break website. However, a reader who had recorded last night's episode and found his credit informs us that Houbrick was Prison Break's accountant, and not a producer:

I checked the opening credits, which listed about a dozen different producers, none of them him. Then I looked at the closing credits, where he was listed about six screens in as the accountant.

• 'Prison Break' producer found dead at Drake Hotel [Chicago Sun-Times]

"I have to tell you, I had a wonderful time doing the Pope, maybe because I understood more than most what he was since I had a Catholic background," he said.

Pope Wars over: Les Moonves wins, with his much edgier Midnight Pontiff take.

• Jon Voight: from aspiring gigolo to Pope [Yahoo/Reuters]
• Previously: Coming To CBS In December: Jon Voight In CSI: The Vatican [Defamer]

Dear Defamer,

The point of my outrage is primarily the manipulative editing. I expected to appear silly at times, but the fact that editing doctored so many scenes, omitted nearly all of my contributions and choose me as an easy target to be the fall guy so often remains is at issue. It was lazy editing for them to not pick-up on the many embarrassing and humorous stories that were not related to me. I was the target of choice from the start and production never looked back.

What you saw is not real. If my initial conversation with Trump, week one, were such a disaster then why cut it up to portray that I aimlessly rambled to Trump's one question? Trump asked me a series of 5 - 7 questions and editing choose to splice in my various answers randomly to portray me as their caricature, which they continued to develop to their desire thru the weeks.

Regarding the yo-yo matter. An individual in the audience, the “yo-yo lady” of NYC, gave it to me as a gift. The scene, that was portrayed as happening during the presentation, was actually long after the class was over and we were awaiting production to take us back to Trump Tower for the verdict. Productions choice to insert that as if it were during the presentation is absolutely a lie. Also, my contribution was a major part of the presentation and of course none of that was shown. More on that in the coming days.

When Trump “fired” me I immediately shot back with my own “cobra” and rebutted “on to bigger and better things”. Of course that would not please the Donald to see. And finally, the cab scene was taken from 30 minutes in the car and I can assure you that those were my absolute worst moments. Proof positive that Production is out to intentionally damage me to the last possible moment and have a good laugh.

Funny article, thanks for covering the show and look for more from me soon.

Sincerely,

Mark

While we are shocked—shocked!—anew each time we hear that reality TV editors manipulate footage in the service of entertaining, if not "truthful," storylines, we are not at all surprised that Mark's final retort wound up on the cutting room floor. The Donald would never allow the public to see any deadly "cobra" unleashed in the boardroom but his own.

• Apprentice Outraged At Seeming Dumb On Television [Defamer]

The psychic they have on for sweeps on had some tapes go missing recently. So, one of the PAs saw the producer and the psychic in a "mind meld" in which she told him that the missing tapes were in an office near papers marked with the letter "J." If it wasn't crazy enough that a producer was using a psychic to find missing tapes, he then sent PAs to tear up some directors' offices whose names have the letter "J" in them. In-fucking-sane.

Insane? Sounds perfectly sensible to us. If we had a psychic sitting around the office, we'd be putting her to practical use, not wasting her on some bullshit parlor trick like reaching across dimensions to ask a long-dead poodle how much longer the world has to wait for Nick and Jessica to admit that their marriage is over.

• ET Online

Television these days is loaded with sex, sex, sex double the number of sex scenes aired seven years ago, says a study out Wednesday. And the number of shows that include "safer sex" messages has leveled off, it said.

There were nearly 3,800 scenes with sexual content spotted in more than 1,100 shows researchers studied, up from about 1,900 such scenes in 1998, the first year of the Kaiser Family Foundation survey.

Vicky Rideout, a vice president at Kaiser, says the number of shows that included a message about the risks and responsibilities of sex is still very small, and has remained flat since 2002.

But with "sex" meaning many things to many people, we were curious about methodology, and so inspected the full report, which is available on the Kaiser Family website.

For this study, sex is defined as any depiction of sexual activity, sexually suggestive behavior, or talk about sexuality or sexual activity. [...]

Highly infrequent behaviors that meet the definition of sexual behavior indicated above but which do not fit in such any other category (e.g. self gratification) were classified as "other."

At first we were a little confused about why self-gratification needs to be ghettoized as an "other" behavior, but then we thought about it and realized that its on-screen depiction is actually a completely separate thing from a merely implied Hilton-and-farmhand orgy (there were pitchforks and chihuahuas everywhere!) on The Simple Life.

• Study Says There Is More Sex on TV [AP]
• [Kaiser Family Foundation]

The WB Network and the producers of Smallville are said to be holding preliminary talks about the possibility of a spin-off featuring the scaly undersea king, sources said yesterday.[...]

For a long time, Aquaman as a superhero has been seen as kind of a joke among Hollywood insiders and many comic fanatics.

But recently, there's been a strange level of buzz surrounding the character especially last summer when he became the focal point of this season's edition of HBO's comedy Entourage.

Even more telling was the recent revelation that DC Comics the comic book publisher that holds the Aquaman license had asked the producers of the animated Cartoon Network show Justice League Unlimited not to use the character or any of his related properties in their show.

There is still no word on whether Alan Ritchson, who lap-danced his way into Paula Abdul's and America's hearts when he auditioned for American Idol, will be asked to squeeze back into the orange and green aquasuit he donned on Smallville last month. One thing, though, is abudantly clear: There is no project ridiculous enough—even one about a guy who can breathe underwater and chat with fish—to escape the development process.

• AQUASTUD [NY Post]

• Previously: Fox Squeezes Employees Between Pamela Anderson’s Breasts [Defamer]
• Overthinking Pamela Anderson: Savior Of The Sitcom [Deafmer]

NBC Universal will offer episodes of several television shows it produces on demand and commercial-free for 99 cents to subscribers of DirecTV who use the satellite provider's new DVR recorder.

The agreement announced Monday includes shows that air on NBC, USA, Bravo and the Sci-Fi Channel, including Law & Order: SVU, The Office and Monk. Episodes of the shows will remain available for one week.

We applaud soon-to-be-ejected-by-medieval-catapult NBC head Kevin Reilly's audacious attempt at keeping up with ABC's groundbreaking iPod video deal. Finally, for a mere pittance, a means by which to access that most elusive of television creatures, the Law & Order episode. With forward thinking like this (next up: allowing the viewer to purchase the excised commercials for another 99 cents), it's just a matter of time before this plucked peacock can shake off its recent performance and proudly display its vivid plumage once again.

• NBC to Offer Shows to DirecTV Subscribers [AP]
• Previously: The Death Of Must See TV [Defamer]

Thanks to the Fox network, some letters to Santa Claus are sure to be answered this year.

"Dear Santa," a special where some of the wishes expressed in letters to Santa Claus are granted for a television audience, will air Dec. 9, Fox and the U.S. Postal Service announced Monday.

Compelling letters received by the postal service from children and families asking for Santa's help will be selected for the special.

Unsurprisingly, the network has a very specific definition of what comprises a "compelling" missive. Children troubled enough to ask Santa to participate in a beauty pageant after they receive radical plastic surgery will probably find themselves whisked to the top of the "Nice List" and learn that Christmas wishes really can come true.

• Fox Special to Answer Letters to Santa [AP]

• Many Tabbed To Fill Stern's Shoes [AP]
• Too Late With Adam Carolla [Comedy Central]
• The Adam Carolla Project [TLC]

For NBC, this ultimate defeat on Thursday may be the spur to action. Its executives have been thrashing over possible changes on the night, including a return to a Thursday comedy block. That would almost certainly involve the risky move of transferring the comedy "My Name Is Earl," NBC's bright spot this season, from Tuesday to Thursday, perhaps as early as January. Kevin Reilly, the president of NBC Entertainment, asked about moving "Earl," said, "Anything is possible at this point."

Moving Earl is certainly one way to shake things up, but is rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic moments before it's hit by a meteor the kind of out-of-the-box thinking that Reilly professes to treasure? In desperate times, a bold course of action is required: the assassination of Les Moonves. Some might uncharitably view the move as cutting corners, but it's simultaneously less time-consuming and more cost-effective than trying to develop a whole new slate of shows that people might actually want to watch. And you can bet his successor will think twice before trying to plant another Survivor or CSI knockoff on NBC's precious Thursday night turf.

BONUS: The NY Times also has a pretty chart illustrating NBC's decline.

• NBC Wants Its Old Favorite Night Back [NY Times]
• Previously: NBC Stuffs Desperate Millions Into Aaron Sorkin’s Crackpipe [Defamer]

• CBS Schedules Pope John Paul II Miniseries [AP]
• Previously: Les Moonves Vs. The Lord Our God: Vegas Odds Have Moonves At 5:2 [Defamer]

The attachment of viewers to characters on TV creates different expectations for television audiences than it does for moviegoers, said Stuart Fischoff, a media psychologist at Cal State L.A.

"It's not so much what's going on that is the problem," Fischoff said. "It's the comparison to last year. If this was the first season, people wouldn't have a reference point, a cognitive map or emotional map to compare it to. But it's the second season, so you can say it's unfolding differently as last year and I don't like it. That's why you might be getting what appears to be premature frustration."

See? It's not the show that's screwed up, it's our cognitive map to the memories of when we were tricked into thinking that the show was good. We feel so much better now! Everyone should have a media psychologist on call to deal with the mental turbulence induced by phantom boredom with Bree's unbelievable relationship with the gay pharmacist.

• Is it desperation time for 'Housewives'? [LAT]

After "The West Wing's" second season, Sorkin was arrested at Burbank Airport on charges of possession of cocaine, hallucinogenic mushrooms and marijuana (the charges were later dismissed after he completed a rehabilitation program).

He once told TV Guide that he smoked crack every day while writing his 1995 film "The American President." "That is why it took me three years to write the script," he said.

Poor guy. You get popped for drug possession at an airport and admit to three years of incredibly dedicated pipe-hitting to TV Guide (Reader's Digest found the story too hard-hitting, apparently) and no one will ever let you live it down. At this point, though, NBC's Kevin Reilly would happily blast some heroin between Sorkin's toes if he thought it might save his job.

• NBC gives Sorkin the green light [LAT]
• Previously: Aaron Sorkin, Make-Out Artist [Defamer]

• ABC Inner Circle [ABCinnercircle.com]
• Previously: The “Commander in Chief” Showrunner Switch: Scheduling Vs. Rough Sex [Defamer]

"At Fox, we have a unique mid-season situation. In January we have to accommodate two and one half hours of new programming with 24 and American Idol. We also have completed episodes of both scripted and unscripted series in the wings. We're enjoying solid performances by our returning shows and we've also already ordered full seasons of Prison Break, Bones and The War At Home. Collectively, we did not see a place for The Simple Life on our schedule this season."

Indeed, networks hate nothing more than trying to make room for successful, returning franchises starring free publicity machines in their guaranteed hit-packed midseason schedules, so we should take every word in the above release at face value. Oopsies! Sorry, gals, Fox forgot to leave room for your show!

• Simple Life No Longer Fox's Style [Broadcasting and Cable]
• Previously: “The Simple Life” Euthanized

The Simple Life has just been cancelled, the plug pulled smack in the middle of production of the reality show's third-season. The concept had been The Simple Wife, in which Paris and Nicole prepped to become loyal and devoted wives. But this marriage was already on the rocks since Paris and Nicole weren't talking to each other and wouldn't appear on camera together. Still, production soldiered on, with each star being filmed separately. The final blow, however, came when Paris aborted her engagement. Nicole and Paris – desperate housewives no more.

We must be strong and try to find the proverbial silver lining in this dark cloud of skank-cancellation despair. Here's one: Tara Reid's going to get one of her drinking buddies back! And as for the families eager to be destroyed on television, well, we can only hope that they'll find more traditional, less harmful ways to disintegrate, like domestic violence and alcoholism.

• Breaking (Up) News [WOW Report]
• Previously: Defamer Casting: Welcome Paris And Nicole Into Your Lesbian Home [Defamer]

Not long into her tenure on "Related," Ms. Kauffman deemed the chemistry of the Sorelli clan off kilter and had a name cast member, Laura San Giacomo, replaced by a relative newcomer, Ms. Sanchez, a move that meant that 80 percent of the pilot had to be reshot. When asked if she found making pivotal decisions difficult with no David Crane as a sounding board, Ms. Kauffman shook her head. "Look, I adore David and know one day I'll work with him again," she said, "but I worked with a partner for 27 years and had no idea of what I was capable of on my own. It's time I knew. That part has actually been kind of thrilling. Between menopause, turning 50 and this, I feel like I'm finally stepping into my adulthood. This is a really important part of my growing up, in a way."

We were right there with her, picturing Kauffman triumphantly tossing her hat into the air, the Mary Tyler Moore of late-blossoming Friends gazillionaires...right up until that menopause bit. Mary Richards never would've overshared like that, even if she was delighted not to be working on Joey.

• After Years of 'Friends,' Producer's Solo [NY Times]

Let's get one thing straight: Just because George Lopez and Freddie Prinze Jr. are Latino men with their own sitcoms on ABC, and their shows just happen to be scheduled consecutively on Wednesday nights, doesn't mean there's a new "Latin hour" on prime-time television. [...]

"Shows should just be able to be shows without hyphenating their lead characters," Lopez said. "[With] us, they feel like they need to somehow label it to say, 'All right, this is what you're going to be watching, so are you sure you want to watch?' But they don't do it to people who are Jewish or African American. Because we have the muscle but we need the voice to say you can't do that to us. Just watch because you think the shows are funny. Don't watch because we're a couple of Latino guys." [...]

McPherson has joked that instead of the "Latin hour," the pairing of the two sitcoms should be called "The Bruce Helford Hour" since the producer runs both shows.

And in three weeks, after Freddie's Nielsen mercy-killing, they can just call the Wednesday night period "The George Lopez Show and According To Jim Rerun Hour." It's kind of catchy, in a slyly knowing way.

• They're linked in spirit and schedule [LAT]
• Previously: Why “According To Jim” Is Lily White [Defamer]
• Freddie Prinze, Jr: Sitcom Wunderkind [Defamer]

The show had fallen so far behind on delivering new episodes, the executives said, that ABC feared it might be forced to pre-empt the show or run repeats in the ratings sweep month of November. ABC also did not want to run repeats this month because executives believe they can establish the show with audiences that are not watching postseason baseball on Fox.

ABC announced the switch to Mr. Bochco on Friday, displacing Rod Lurie, the series's creator, just two episodes into the show's run. It is highly unusual for a network to make such a drastic move on a show that is doing well in the ratings. [...]

ABC also said Mr. Lurie would retain his executive producer title on the series. But executives yesterday said that the title would be Mr. Lurie's only continuing association with the show. It will be run entirely by Mr. Bochco, they said, with Mr. Lurie no longer involved at all.

The article has no mention of "creative differences" (hinted at here and in a Variety article on Sunday. The LA Weekly's Nikki Finke also gave this brief item to Drudge late Friday afternoon, citing another non-scheduling reason for the move:

LAWEEKLY entertainment columnist Nikki Finke: ABC/TOUCHTONE's COMMANDER IN CHIEF series creator Rod Lurie replaced as showrunner by Steve Bochco today because of what sources say was Lurie's wanting to show a 'rough sex' scene between the President's daughter and a Secret Service agent in the back of a limo... Developing...

Our operative claims that the disputed scene involves the president's daughter getting "raped," which seems to fit the "rough sex" profile. We imagine that a) ABC wouldn't be too thrilled about a Very Special First Daughter Rape Episode during sweeps, or b) they were hoping to save a campy, lighthearted sex crime plotline for Desperate Housewives.

• Behind a Change at Helm of 'Chief' on ABC [NY Times]
• Steven Bochco Pulling Female President's Strings [Defamer]

Joey Buttafucco of "Long Island Mistress Amy Fisher Shot My Wife" fame is running a milk shake truck working over on Desperate Housewives. Apparently, karma is alive and well and on the Universal backlot.

Exciting things could be happening for Big Joey. Within a week, Nicolette Sheridan could be romancing Wisteria Lane's mulleted, Zubaz-wearing Mr. Softee, with an eye towards hiring him to shoot Teri Hatcher in the face. On- or off-screen, whichever opportunity comes first.

• Mr. ButtaFrosty [LA.com]

Thanks to TiVo, I got to watch one of the most awkward transitions in my television watching experience, and you should check it out.

Whoopi Goldberg was the guest, and for the first time in years, I experienced her as a genuine person talking about her recent experiences in Biloxi, post-Katrina. She was sincere, talking admiringly of the generosity of people who had lost everything managing to show generosity and compassion to those with even less.

And Martha cuts her off: "So, you want to learn how to fold a T- shirt." Fuck generosity and Biloxi, there are t-shirts to fold. It was amazing.

While Stewart's apparent jarring indifference to Goldberg's story is initially horrifying, this isn't any run-of-the-mill, pussified Gap technique we're talking about. How was she supposed to concentrate on the seamless execution of her Martha Stewart Living Patented Shirt-Folding Process™ with Whoopi yammering in her ear about tragedy and suffering? Sometimes we're all guilty of not trying to get inside the head of the multimillionaire lifestyle guru, so white and so rich, to see things from her perspective. For shame.

UPDATE: If, like us, you can't make any sense of the inscrutable shirt-folding diagram on Stewart's website, this video shows the Japanese doing it better. International shirt-folding patents are obviously not enforceable in the United States.

• This Week on Martha [MarthaStewart.com]
• Previously: Prison Made Martha Stewart Soft [Defamer]