Jake Gyllenhaal To Dangle Fishing Rod Off DreamWorks Moon

· Hot-new-screenwriting-thing Dan Mazeau has been hired by DreamWorks to whip the script for Untitled Doug Liman Moon-Colonizing Project Starring Impossibly Swoony-Eyed Lunar-Settling Dreamboat Jake Gyllenhaal into shape. [THR]
· Top-rated GSN poker shows High Stakes Poker and World Poker Tour have yet to be renewed, and many fans are concerned that the new network president David Goldhill might cancel them. Asked to comment, Goldhill played things close the vest, peering out from beneath the rim of his lucky Harrah's sun visor in a pair of wraparound Blublockers as he gnawed silently on a complimentary chicken wing. [THR]
· VH1 orders Scream Queens, a reality show that attempts to find America's Next Top Co-Ed Who Insists on Wandering into the Laundry Room Alone Knowing A Killer Is Loose on Campus. [THR]
· Amber Tamblyn will star in ABC's The Unusuals, playing "Detective Casey Shraeger, a smart cop who also is the black sheep of her wealthy family." [THR]
· Harrison Ford's next role will be playing the real-world dad who stopped at nothing to find a cure for his son's rare condition. Just to clarify, this character is not Indiana Jones, and his son's condition is not Ow LaBeouf's Balls. [Variety]

Dennis Hopper Isn't a Racist, But He'll Play One on TV

What If They Threw An Oscars, And Nobody Showed?

· In case you missed it—and apparently many, many of you did—it was the Oscars last night. "The Awards averaged a 21.9 rating/33 share. That's down a sharp 21% from last year and the lowest on record in at least 20 years." [THR]
· Martin Scorsese and his widow-peaked muse Leonardo DiCaprio have pre-sold their latest collaboration, an adaptation of Dennis Lehane novel Shutter, to foreign markets for record-breaking amounts. Explained one Italian distribution rep, "That Leo. He, how do you say, nails hot models? And we love the little eyebrows-one, and his little movies. Very good!" [THR]

Universal/Hasbro Deal Good News For Gritty Atlantic City Drama 'A House On Baltic Ave.'

· Hollywood Out of Ideas: Holy Shit, Now They're Raiding the Game Closet Edition. Universal signs a six-year deal with Hasbro to produce "at least four feature films based on branded properties." Among the classic toys and boardgames in their stable: Monopoly, Candy Land, and Ouija. Bay + Candy Land + Giant Fucking Gumdrops + Marshmellow Explosions = Wicked. [Variety]
· The NBC Universal Super-Exec League of Silver Man, The Zucker, and The Phantom Graboff have connected their powerful Peacock Rings and once again produced the impossible: a 52-week programming schedule. You read that right: 52 weeks. They are truly amazing. [Variety]
· Variety sticks fork in this year's Oscar telecast, declares it done. [Variety]

Apple/'Idol' Partnership Produces The Prone-To-Breakdowns iPaula

'Doctor Parnassus' Paid Visit By A Six-Eyed Guardian Angel

· Variety floated the days-old AICN rumors about The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus this morning. Namely, they re-report that Johnny Depp, Jude Law, and Colin Farrell have all signed on to play the role in which Heath Ledger was originally cast. Reps for Cate Blanchett, meanwhile, have yet to confirm her involvement, but it's widely assumed she'll also throw her interpretation into the ring, and walk away with the picture. [Variety]
· The ACE EDDIE Awards give top editing honors to The Bourne Ultimatum and Sweeney Todd. The best reality show editing went to an episode of Cops (for real!), though the winner's acceptance speech was tragically cut short when he triumphantly waved his Golden Scissors trophy above his head and lost his grip. [Variety]

Studio Stocks Stable Despite Strike

· Steve Jobs and Rupert Murdoch emerge from their jacuzzi-bound tete-a-tete with a new deal in place that allows iTunes users to "rent" Fox movies. [Variety]
· The stock prices of major media conglomerates have "barely budged" in the eight weeks since the writers strike started, but investment experts warn that Howie Mandel getting so much as a splinter would result in dramatic fluctuations. [Variety]
· The WGA hired Democratic strategists Bill Carrick and Kam Kuwata. Carrick "oversaw the campaign of former Los Angeles mayor James Hahn against current Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa and the gubernatorial campaign of Treasurer Phil Angelides against Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger." Um... [Variety]
· Meanwhile, networks who formerly seemed destined to never get along are mending fences like never before: For the first time in history, NBC and CBS will both be airing the same Patriots season finale game. [THR]
· The Kingdom director Peter Berg is in talks to join Edwin A. Salt, a movie about a CIA officer "fingered as a Russian sleeper spy." Tom Cruise is attached to play the fingered Russian. [THR]

Why Negotiate With Writers When People Are Perfectly Happy Watching Two Hours Of Howie Mandel In A Santa Hat?

Thought Monday's round-up was smothered in weak sauce? Just wait until you see today's!
· Jay-Z is retiring again—from his position as the president of Def Jam records. We totally foresaw this earth-shattering development when he tellingly rapped, "I hydroplane into fame/Come'n down with the Dow Jones/When the clouds come we gone" on "Umbrella." [Variety]
· "Classic" acts dominated 2007's concert business, with half of the top 20 tours having started their careers in the '70s. We set this news to the comforting strains of The Eagles' "Long Road Out Of Eden," evocatively covered in proto-spiritual sand dune imagery and available at a Wal-Mart near you. [Variety]

The Return Of Late-Night?

· They aren't done administering the defibrillator to the dead-eyed corpse of late-night TV just yet: Some are buzzing that "several hosts" plan on returning to the air by January 7, making life a little less egg-pelty for Ellen DeGeneres and Carson Daly. [Variety]
· After next week, however, every scripted TV series shooting in LA will have officially gone dark, explaining the eerie, silent calm throughout the city, and the longer, sadder lines at the Coffee Bean. [Variety]
· A new ceremony from The Academy of TV Arts & Sciences "will highlight and demonstrate the good things that TV does." The first lifetime achievement award goes to Fox Alternative Programming guru Mike Darnell, for his "tireless efforts in furthering the cause of people being hooked up to a lie detector and forced to answer whether or not they are still attracted to their spouse on national TV." [Variety]

Where In The World Is Hugh Laurie?

'Star Trek' Finds Its Sulu And Scotty

WGA Fires Warning Shot Above Studios' Heads

· The WGA, in an aggressive measure meant to show the studios that the protracted ball-tickling session that's defined the negotiations until now must come to an end, has redrafted and broadened their strike rules to now allow for "pug-faced studio types so much as looking at us funny." [Variety]
· Hollywood's dreamy consciences George Clooney and Leonardo DiCaprio may team up for Warner Bros.'s adaptation of Farragut North, a play loosely based on the Howard Dean campaign. (Sorry Jake, torture-lovers not invited to the party.) [Variety]
· The rumors are true! After 50 years, NBC is moving from its legendary plot in Burbank to a spot across the street from Universal Studios. NBC plans to sell the real estate to a single wholesale retail giant, who'll develop it into independent nation state Costcovia, where every man, woman, and child is guaranteed a pickle-barrel-sized container of mayonnaise. [Variety]
· Private Practice's audience continues to grow, and Pushing Daisies won its timeslot despite coming down from its premiere numbers. Bionic Woman, however continues to plunge steadily since its first week, throwing the future of Isaiah Washington's triumphant comeback into question. [THR]
· Medium creator Glenn Gordon Caron gets a two-year deal at CBS, mainly on the strength of his Patricia-Arquette's-Rack-in-3D initiatives. [THR]

Magic Johnson Beats The Hillary Drum

I, Rudin

· The trades mourn the recent silencing of their favorite of the Three Tenors. [Variety, THR] [THR]
· Scott Rudin beats out Warner Bros, Universal, Sony, and New Line for the movie rights to the historical novel I, Claudius, with Leo DiCaprio and his The Departed screenwriter William Monahan expected to jump ship from their failed WB bid to join the winning Rudin team. [Variety]
· The Agent Dance, East Coast Edition: NY-based CAA bigshot Bart Walker leaves the evil agenting monolith to form a talent management division at indie film powerhouse Cinetic. We expect reports of the mysterious torching of Walker's apartment to emerge shortly. [THR]
· Apple and Hollywood still can't decide whether to fuck or fight. [Variety]
· Studio execs head into the Toronto Film Festival with "fat wallets and a healthy appetite for product," ready to snap up any movie they think might make a buck during a possible strike by the guilds. [Variety]

John Cusack's Action Hero Dreams Dashed

Venice Film Festival Audiences Hold Off For Now On Planned Booing

· The Venice Film Festival opening film—a WWII drama starring Keira Knightley called Atonement—was screened to mostly positive word of mouth, a triumph capped by fest organizers allowing star James McAvoy to have full access to the controls of the Ceremonial Wrecking Ball. [Variety]
· Renee Zellweger and Harry Connick Jr. are circling Chilled in Miami, a romcom about "a Miami businesswoman who's transferred to the sticks of Minnesota." Why do we have a feeling we'll be forced to watch this on a five-inch screen trapped in American Airlines rat-class? [Variety]
· We honestly thought Singing Bee's title as absolute worst show on TV was safe, but now we're not so sure: Dance War: Bruno vs. Carrie Ann is a go as an ABC midseason replacement, hosted by Nick Lachey's twinkle-toed brother, Drew. [Variety]
· BermanBraun, the petri dish result of combining toppled Paramount tyrant Gail Berman with former Yahoo-square-peg Lloyd Braun into a production company that sounds like a hand-blender, has hired a Yahoo exec to join them on their march to total media domination. [THR]
· Rejoice, Xbox Live subscribers: Family Guy episodes are merely a click away, with the added feature of being able to vaporize the annoying Griffin family with a variety of Gears of War weaponry at the end of every episode. [THR]

Venice Film Festival Relies On Overly Literal Visual Metaphor

The Rock Returns To 'Witch Mountain'