<![CDATA[Defamer: Tom Cruise]]> http://cache.gawker.com/assets/base/img/thumbs140x140/defamer.com.png <![CDATA[Defamer: Tom Cruise]]> http://defamer.com/tag/tom cruise http://defamer.com/tag/tom cruise <![CDATA[ The Lost Boy ]]>
· Corey Haim spent an entire segment of The Two Coreys surfing the Defamer comment section and walked away emotionally damaged. But darker days are looming ahead.
· Angelina Jolie gave birth to the Chosen Twins! No wait, it was just another false alarm.
· McLovin and some starlets, sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes some little McLovins in a baby carriage! But wait, watch out for that lightning storm!
· Madonna's frosty marriage to Guy Ritchie came thisclose to breaking down this week when reports surfaced that she's been fielding grounders from New York Yankees star Alex Rodriguez. And Lenny Kravitz has something to do with it.
· Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's DOA. But don't fret! There's a Friends movie on the way (maybe).
· We wished the happiest of happy birthdays to Lindsay Lohan and Tom Cruise.
· We busted out our long lost graphing calculator and got all scientific on your asses by examining the comedic rise and fall of Mike Myers.
· Nude Nicole Kidman vs. the fully clothed Katie Holmes proved to be an uneven fight.
· Fanboys from sea to shining sea creamed their collective jeans when Megan Fox dumped Brian Austin Green. Brett Ratner called dibs and already has some erotic literature ready for their first date.
· Denise Richards carefully explained to her 13-year-old nephew exactly what a threesome is.
· At long last, anal lubricant got the recognition it so justly deserves.

And with that, we are out. Have a happy and safe Fourth Of July, we'll see you on Monday!

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Thu, 03 Jul 2008 17:45:00 PDT Mark Graham http://defamer.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=397910&view=rss&microfeed=true
<![CDATA[ In Honor Of His 46th, Tom Cruise In His Birthday Suit! ]]>
We'd be remiss if we let the day slip by without offering some fond birthday wishes to not-quite-born-on-the-Fourth-of-July Tom Cruise, who turns 46-intense-years-old today. In his honor, we offer a revisiting of one of his most memorable, if uncharacteristic, screen turns, as a masquerade-orgy-seeking physician in Stanley Kubrick's Eyes Wide Shut. In this trailer (homemade or Euro-cut, we're not sure), Cruise nakedly seduces his then-wife and naked-co-star, Naked Kidman. Happy birthday, Tom!

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Thu, 03 Jul 2008 16:25:00 PDT Seth http://defamer.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=397905&view=rss&microfeed=true
<![CDATA[ Why Tom Cruise Is To Blame For Katie Holmes' Box Office Failure On Broadway ]]> It didn’t take long for Katie Holmes to prove she cannot compare to Nicole Kidman when it comes to Broadway appeal. Months before she even sets foot on stage, Tom Cruise’s replacement wife is striking out at the box office, managing to sell only $1 million worth of advance tickets to her September theatrical effort in All My Sons. That may sound like a decent take in the world of steadily declining Broadway sales, but it doesn’t even come close to Kidman’s number, which was $4 million. So why the distant gap in interest between seeing Holmes hack through Arthur Miller and Kidman feign sex live? It’s not just a matter of full-frontal cartwheels...

As Us notes, Kidman opened in both London and New York productions of The Blue Room at the same time as Eyes Wide Shut was gearing up to open in movie theaters. The only Stanley Kubrick film to open in the number-one spot, the ritzy S&M flick had more than freaky costumes going for it — Kubrick passed away before its premiere, the film itself wasn't too shabby and, most importantly, Tom Cruise and Kidman were enjoying their final year as Hollywood's golden couple. People went to see his movies and couldn't wait for the chance to see both in the same one. He used to be an actor! One the Academy considered worthy of an Oscars nom! So Holmes' failure isn't really hers — well, in so much as her miserable confinement as a prisoner of Scientology isn't really her fault, either.

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Wed, 02 Jul 2008 18:05:00 PDT Molly Friedman http://defamer.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5021663&view=rss&microfeed=true
<![CDATA[ Josh Hartnett Latest In Long List Of Celebs To Make Ill-Fated Decision To Dabble In Theater ]]> Radar reports that our favorite box office trailblazer, Josh Hartnett, has finally given up hope of nailing zingers on 30 Rock or appearing in a mildly successful movie and moved on to simpler pursuits: the London theater. In a role that will certainly pay homage to Tom Cruise’s former career as an actor, Hartnett will appear as Rain Man’s Charlie Babbit opposite a less-heartthrobby Brit filling Dustin Hoffman’s pigeon-toed shoes. Most interesting of all? Hartnett manages to say, “It has always been my intent to work on the London stage,” without laughing. But the bigger question remains (ahem, Katie Holmes): why do movie stars assume tackling the theater will be a breezy little side-job guaranteed to build acting cred? The track records of Julia Roberts, Denzel Washington, and David Schwimmer beg to differ, after the jump.

Amanda Peet: Even a Neil Simon script and eye candy provided in the form of Patrick Wilson couldn’t save Peet’s 2006 role in Barefoot In The Park from critical ridicule and a very brief run. The NY Times equated the theatergoer’s experience to watching paint dry, and said of her performance: "She's trying, really hard, to be funny and freewheeling, but it hurts.” Ouch.

Kathleen Turner: You would think no one could dare attempt to reincarnate The Graduate's Mrs. Robinson other than Nicolas Cage defamer Kathleen Turner. The husky voice, the stiff hair, the scent of desperation — all right up Turner’s alley. Sadly, the dame spent most of her off-stage time downing vodka and passing out on the theater’s bathroom floor. Watching Luke Perry fondle the elderly is painful enough — watching him fondle the elderly and unconscious? Impossible.

Denzel Washington: Denzel’s 2005 appearance as Julius Caesar wasn’t a flop per se, but, as is the case with too many of his movies, making a whole bunch of money does not a success make. Fanfare ensured the limited run filled seats, but reviews handily laid out the Unwelcome Mat for the unimpressive star on the Great White Way.

David Schwimmer: The NYT struck again, ripping to shreds Schwimmer’s attempt to erase Ross Gellar from our scarred memories by making his Broadway debut in a heavy military revival. Labeled a bland “pouty puppy,” Schwimmer didn’t let the swift exit of The Caine Mutiny Court-Martial deter him from killing off The Producers opposite the wildly high-regarded vocal talents of Larry David.

Julia Roberts: When being called a “lamppost” is the highlight of your critical fallout, you know it’s time to tidy up the stage and quickly put your total failure of a Broadway debut to bed. But not Julia Roberts! “Hated” by reviewers, unable to sell tickets for half of their going rate, Roberts’ blindingly bright star power dimmed considerably for what felt like the first time after boldly starring in Three Days Of Rain.

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Tue, 01 Jul 2008 17:25:00 PDT Molly Friedman http://defamer.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5021282&view=rss&microfeed=true
<![CDATA[ Oversexed 'Top Gun' BBQ Joint Succumbs to Great Balls of Fire ]]> Join us today in mourning a true, trashy landmark among film locations, which Top Gun immortalized with a simple declaration of lust 22 years ago and which a fire completely gutted Thursday afternoon. Yes, folks, San Diego's Kansas City BBQ — where Tom Cruise warbled, ahem, "Great Balls of Fire" to Kelly McGillis and where Meg Ryan ordered Anthony Edwards to "take me to bed or lose me forever" — is but a charred, smoky memory:

[A] sign in the restaurant noted that the jet jockey movie's "sleazy bar scene" was filmed there. ... [Fire department spokesman Maurice] Luque estimated damage at $250,000 to the structure and $150,000 to the contents, not including the cost of decades of memorabilia, including photographs and props from the film. Dozens of Navy caps and license plates hung on walls and ceilings.
Firefighters found Navy flight helmets inside the dining area - melted.

"It must've been a very intense fire," Luque said. "You can see where the fire swirled around, then just took everything out."

Of course it was intense; it had Top Gun props as fuel! (This would never happen on the set of Valkyrie.) But no inferno can ever melt our memories, made all the more vivid today by a clip of the BBQ joint's finest hour — in Italian. "Goose! Vai a letto o mi perdere!" Show us the way home, honey.

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Fri, 27 Jun 2008 13:40:00 PDT STV http://defamer.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=397357&view=rss&microfeed=true
<![CDATA[ Top Ten Worst Kissers In Hollywood: From The 'Icky' To The 'Sweaty' To Tongues That Taste Like 'Kitty Litter' ]]> We’ve already heard enough stars insisting that those sex scenes we find either major turn-ons (Mickey Rourke force-feeding Kim Basinger strawberries on the kitchen floor in 9 1/2 Weeks) or majorly eye-scarring (Heather Graham faking her way through grainy limo thrusts in Boogie Nights) are totally perfunctory while filming. With the massive crew surrounding them, the sudden lighting checks, and simple fact that they’ve gotta feign spontaneous heat take after take, we’ve leaned towards taking their word for it. And as it turns out, no matter how big the star or legendary their prowess in the bedroom, even simple kissing scenes with the most gorgeous A-listers around range from “awkward and sweaty” to “slightly icky and sort of wet.” Where Tom Cruise, Angelina Jolie, Harrison Ford, Leonardo DiCaprio and more rank on the list of Worst On-Screen Kissers after the jump.

Harrison Ford, Outed by Helen Mirren: "She considered him 'the nicest, sweetest guy you could want to meet. But he can't kiss - he finds it impossible to kiss on screen.' Then, she added: 'He's probably not very good off screen either. It's not just me - other actresses agree. Whenever we get chatting off screen and we get around to talking, we come to the same conclusion.'"

Jason Segal, Outed by Alyson Hannigan: "Alyson refused to kiss him or do any romantic scenes with him, because he smelled like smoke. He thanks her for forcing him to do that because now he not only smells better, he feels better as well."

Orlando Bloom, Outed by Keira Knightley: "Keira Knightley claims Johnny Depp is a better kisser than Orlando Bloom...When quizzed on who she thought was the best kisser out of the two actors, she told InStyle magazine: 'Johnny Depp certainly wasn't bad.' Despite Orlando's gushing praise for Keira's kissing technique, he did admit he found it 'peculiar.'"

Steve Carell, Outed by Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson: "I just see Steve Carell's lips. 'So the bottom of a cat's paw - the soft supple part underneath - that's what Steve Carell's lips are like. But his tongue is like kitty cat litter. That's the physical experience.'"

Woody Allen, Outed by Helena Bonham Carter: "He tells you up front certain ways of kissing he does not want. No exchange of liquid is permitted. It can be a bit offensive because he makes no effort at all."

Angelina Jolie, Outed by James McAvoy: "I can tell you what it was like to kiss her on a film set: It was awkward, sweaty and not very nice."

Tom Cruise, Outed by Thandie Newton: "Kissing Tom Cruise was slightly icky and sort of wet. I'd really go home at the end of the day actually moaning about how hot it was and how many times we had to do it."

Victoria Beckham, Outed by Corey Haim: "She does this little grr gnaw thing that felt like a girl gnawing on your lip."

Sienna Miller, Outed by James Franco: "The British beauty's toothache made filming a nightmare. Franco admits filming the scene was far from enjoyable and had to be cut short when his co-star complained. He says, 'I think we kissed once in that film and it wasn't at all intense - there was no rolling around or anything. Sienna's molar was giving her pain so she called the dentist!'"

Leonardo DiCaprio, Outed by Virginie Ledoyen: "I think Leonardo is a nice guy. But I don't want him as a lover. There [was] no honest passion. No real sensitivity in our love scenes. In our underwater love scenes all I could think of was not drowning. I can't even remember his kiss."

[Photo credits: Getty, Wire Girl, Showbiz Spy, Renee Ashley Baker, NetGlimpse, Wireimage]

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Wed, 25 Jun 2008 17:00:29 PDT Molly Friedman http://defamer.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5019723&view=rss&microfeed=true
<![CDATA[ The Barely Dressed Beckhams Just Can't Resist Stripping Down For Cash ]]> This may come as a shock, but we have some troubling news to report: it seems that the Double Dating, Non-Eating foursome of Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes and power duo Posh 'n Becks differ in one key regard. As opposed to TomKat's demure sartorial choices, from their first public motorcycle ride to their wedding attire to Katie’s current desire to wear dresses with hemlines as long as possible, their British counterparts just love showing us some skin. As People reports, frosty-locked David has been confirmed to appear in yet another glossy ad campaign for Armani, in which the soccer star will continue to contort his Adonis body into poses highlighting his too-good-to-be-true physical assets. Since the new pictures coincide with recently released oddball shots taken of permanently deadpan wife Victoria Beckham for Marc Jacobs’ Spring/Summer print campaign, we took a nostalgic (and arousing) look back at just how many times the Beckhams have admirably sold their bodies for bundles of cash. Enjoy the various real and fake body parts belonging to Britain’s most rare creation: a real live hot couple.


David has already shown his pecs, abs, glutes, and all other kinds of abbreviated names for manly muscles in ads for Gillette, Motorola and, of course, last year's bulge-centric ad for Emporio Armani's fragrance.


But Posh enjoys taking off her size 00 divvies just as much, seen here in 2006's infamous W spread (shot by Steven Klein) in which the LA-bound Beckhams played house in lingerie, treasure trail-revealing pants and, often, nothin' at all. Together again to promote their his-and-her fragrances "Intimately Beckham," a porn-y straddle session seemed perfectly in order. And just for fun, we've included a shot of David playing gladiator for Pepsi, standing in a sea of...Pepsi. But his arms are visible! Which reminds us: we could really use a Pepsi right about now.

[Photo credits: People, Thisislondon.co.uk, Daily Mail, PopCrunch, JustJared]

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Thu, 19 Jun 2008 10:30:00 PDT Molly Friedman http://defamer.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5017948&view=rss&microfeed=true
<![CDATA[ Tom Cruise's Lawyer Suggests Dr. Drew Better Suited To Host History Channel's 'Nazi Rehab' ]]> While they may seem to occupy far flung quadrants of the celebrity spectrum, Tom Cruise and Dr. Drew Pinsky share more than one might initially surmise. Both are charming and boyishly handsome men in their mid-to-late 40s, and both have devoted a good part of their lives to helping celebrities and non-celebrities alike overcome the various chemical dependencies preventing them from achieving their full potential as human beings. It's in the approach where they diverge, for while Pinsky employs a more traditional treatment of group therapy and close medical monitoring, Cruise instead adheres to the lesser-proven Scientological methodology of prescribed vitamins, rigorous shvitzing, and however many hundreds of auditing hours might be required to fully rid oneself of one's recreational-drug-loving thetans.

Which would all be well and good—there's more than one way to skin a once-famous cat who's lost everything to an expensive coke habit, after all—except that Pinsky has now publicly come out against Cruise. Not just his qualifications as a dependency counselor who has personally—personally!—helped hundreds of people get off drugs, but the man himself, throwing the megastar's very sanity into question in an upcoming Playboy interview. From Page Six:

In next month's Playboy, Dr. Drew Pinsky, host of VH1's "Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew," says: "A lot of people in the public eye who behave strangely have mental illness we can learn from, and much of it is based on childhood trauma, without a doubt. Take a guy like Tom Cruise. Why would somebody be drawn into a cultish kind of environment like Scientology? To me, that's a function of a very deep emptiness and suggests serious neglect in childhood - maybe some abuse, but mostly neglect."

Cruise's lawyer, Bert Fields, told us: "This unqualified television performer who is obviously just looking for notoriety is so grotesquely unprofessional as to pretend to diagnose Tom and others without ever meeting them. He seems to be spewing the absurdity that all Scientologists are mentally ill. The last time we heard garbage like this was from Joseph Goebbels."

Certainly, Pinsky must have realized that by uttering these statements, he would be inviting a danger far greater than just a terse Scary Hollywood Lawyer statement likening him to a Nazi leader. (The very thing, it bears mentioning, his client hunts down in United Artists's upcoming historical-action-epic, Valkyrie!) It's at his own risk that he pay no mind in the coming weeks to any white vans idling outside the Pasadena Recovery Center, for it would take only seconds for the doctor to suddenly find himself staring at the inside of a pillowcase, only to wake up however many hours later shackled to the deck of the USS Asbestos somewhere on the Gulf of Mexico.

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Thu, 12 Jun 2008 10:05:00 PDT Seth http://defamer.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5015839&view=rss&microfeed=true
<![CDATA[ As Long As I Wear These Glasses, Nobody Will Be Able To See Me ]]>

boomp3.com



Mad Money star Katie Holmes attempted to use the latest celebrity cloaking technology after lunch at the Beverly Hills Hotel on Monday afternoon. Holmes had recently read about a pair of sunglasses that, when worn, will turn you invisible, albeit only momentarily. After collecting enough Count Chocula box tops and with her husband Tom Cruise's permission, Holmes sent away for the spy shades called "Invisa-Cool" and received them a few weeks later. By wearing the "Invisa-Cool' shades, Holmes hoped to not only avoid being photographed by the pesky paparazzi, but was also counting on them to escape the uncomfortable moments when her husband asks her to recreate scenes from Days Of Thunder and Far & Away.

[Photo Credit: X17]



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Tue, 10 Jun 2008 10:45:00 PDT Douglas Reinhardt http://defamer.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=395593&view=rss&microfeed=true
<![CDATA[ MGM Chief Takes A Swing At Lionsgate While (Sorta) Standing By 'Valkyrie' ]]> We admit there's not a whole lot of shattered Earth to be found in Sunday's NY Times survey of the limping, lethargic new/old MGM (i.e. deep library, shallow future). Hats off to chairman Harry Sloan, though, for abandoning the low-energy talking points early on in the process and getting straight to the bitchslappy good stuff — whacks at his own new premium-cable partners ("If you don't have a major summer and a Christmas picture, you're not a player at the studio level. ... The best you're going to be is Lionsgate") and theatrical pals ("I thought I was making a deal with the guys who'd just come off Oscars for Chicago, Gangs of New York and Aviator," he said of the Weinstein Company. "Instead they went to the festivals, picked up movies and arbitraged MGM's deal on Showtime").

But at least Sloan stuck to the script when it came to United Artists — not that he has much choice with Valkyrie having consumed the $95 million it has, but his and studio president Mary Parent's optimism is decidedly advanced from his comments to the same paper a month-and-a-half ago:

MGM's financial records show that UA has already consumed about $150 million of its $500 million financing fund. But if the UA fund begins to dry up, Mr. Sloan says he is ready to replenish it.

"We're not going to let that thing fail," he said. "That is a non-duplicatable asset today, in these credit markets." ...

"[Valkyrie] didn't get out of the gate right, so we have to make sure there's adequate time to contextualize the film," Ms. Parent says. "It's a hard sell. It just is. But it's a film that people will be proud of."

Well, since she puts it that way — President's Day weekend, here we come!

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Mon, 09 Jun 2008 15:10:00 PDT STV http://defamer.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=395575&view=rss&microfeed=true
<![CDATA[ Which Celebrity Spawns Are Dating Before Their 10th Birthday? ]]> We’ve been wondering for a while now when all these obsessed-over spawns of celebrities would finally grow up and start canoodling already. With all the “wombwatching” and “bump” updates screaming at us from the newsstands, all we really want to know is when Lourdes is going to start dating James Wilkie Parker Broderick (oy), or when Suri will link eyes with the matching-haircut, age-equivalent Maddox. But thank the pervy Hollywood heavens above, the wait is now over. As the NY Daily News reports today, two youngsters with very famous A-list parents are currently “dating,” and “poised to take Hollywood by storm…and they have a combined age of 18!” Well! That’s slightly disgusting but also beyond intriguing! The new hot couple on the schoolyard revealed, after the jump.

The tiny couple in question? None other than Lily Beckinsale and Brooklyn Beckham. Apparently (and we quote), "Kate Beckinsale has reportedly given her 9-year-old daughter Lily permission to 'date' Brooklyn Beckham." But before Kate begins setting up a registry at Harrod's, she may want to consider the wrath of Tom Cruise's SWAT team of Hubbard-humping disco stars — a month back, we noted Suri's obvious crush on the very same hot boy on campus, and Beckinsale's new friendship with Victoria Beckham isn't going to protect her from the wrath of Xenuphobes either. But before we prepare for the impending battle of the broods, it sounds as though Kate is simply dreaming of a romance still in its very early stages: "I am dreading the day Lily brings home a boy. But she and the Beckham boys get on really well...If she did have to have a boyfriend, then I suppose Brooklyn would get my seal of approval!" And considering Lily's apparent fondness for wearing as much makeup as possible before reaching double digits, as evident in the above photo, we have a feeling Posh would gladly approve as well.

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Thu, 05 Jun 2008 16:00:00 PDT Molly Friedman http://defamer.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5013694&view=rss&microfeed=true
<![CDATA[ Entire Internet Calls Bullshit as Peter Bart Goes to War For 'Valkyrie' ]]> cruise-eyepatch.jpgAn insomniac browse last night at PeterBart.com revealed that the Variety editor's spirited studio defenses have made a remarkably speedy, seamless transition to the blogosphere. Readers seem to be enjoying it as well, alleging stolen stories about DreamWorks on one hand and launching a fascist-tastic comment cascade following Bart's breaking! News! about production resuming on Valkyrie:

Although the film has yet to be completed, several people I trust have seen Valkyrie and testify that it's a superb thriller. "Bryan Singer is back in form," says one source, referring to the Valkyrie director whose last film was Superman Returns.
Cruise will be shooting three scenes in North Africa within the next three weeks. In one, his character, Col. Claus Von Stauffenberg, is badly injured but survives, a key moment in the film's first act.

It gets really good from there, with 130 comments and counting by everyone from a disgruntled Joseph Stalin to a contrarian Adolf Hitler, who claims, "There is no way that someone so short as Tom Cruise nearly assassinated me. This film is a farce." Look for Hollywood's original blogger Army Archerd to crack the Rolodex and have a fully reported follow up by noon.

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Wed, 04 Jun 2008 10:30:00 PDT STV http://defamer.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=394982&view=rss&microfeed=true
<![CDATA[ Katie Holmes Poised To Make Her Broadway Escape In 'All My Sons' Revival ]]> Cindy Adams, the sole-surviving specimen of an age when Gossipsaurs ruled the Earth, has scored an interview with theater impresario Eric Falkenstein. He's the man behind the all-star revival of All My Sons soon to hit Broadway, which stars John Lithgow, Dianne Wiest, Patrick Wilson, and, most notably, Tom Cruise's billion-year war bride Katie Holmes. Falkenstein explains how their decision to go with Katie had everything to do with talent, not ticket-sales:

"As for Katie, director Simon McBurney, my casting director and I came up with a list of names. Katie's not really a celebrity type. She's done brilliant work in films like 'Pieces of April' and 'The Ice Storm.' And is perfect for the role.

'Ann' starts as a simple, sweet, average Midwesterner, and by the finale gets up the gumption to stand and confront what's wrong. A natural sweetheart who can sniff out phonies, Katie basically has that exact moral fiber.

"She's represented by a team at CAA who knew me from past productions, so it just took time - about four months - to work out. There were also family issues. She and Tom are committed to keeping the family together, so they have to get an apartment here.

The negotiation would have likely gone far more quickly had her people not been so unwilling to budge on one controversial deal-point: a stipulation that Arthur Miller's script be amended to include two fresh-faced, tazer-equipped chaperones in navy blazers accompanying her character at all times. Luckily, the Sons producers finally acquiesced: Phony-sniffing Ann now makes a brief allusion to them being "her cousins from Tulsa" early in the first act, after which no mention is made again.

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Wed, 04 Jun 2008 09:50:00 PDT Seth http://defamer.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5013039&view=rss&microfeed=true
<![CDATA[ Tom Cruise And Katie Holmes Throw Bash For Everyone In Hollywood Who Secretly Hates Them, Including Suri ]]> When the Count and Countess of Scientology throw a party, they do not set out plastic lawn chairs and serve crustless honey-drenched finger sandwiches. No, when TomKat decide to invite all of their friends and frenemies (and even some enemies!) over for a daytime soirée, the Knights of Hubbard throw the kind of party that puts everyone from the Royal Family to Donatella Versace to shame. On Saturday afternoon, TomKat decided to congratulate themselves on purchasing yet another of their many torture chambers loving households in Beverly Hills by hosting the likes of Kirstie “I Should Be Dead” Alley, Oprah “Never Forget” Winfrey, Victoria “Posher Than Katie” Beckham, and Jennifer “Marc Is Sick Again” Lopez. And putting aside Suri’s adorably Croc-like sandals and her ongoing tendency to appear just as frightened of her father as the rest of the world, this A-list party’s most impressive attributes were the pimped out rides. After the jump, a collection of the invitees in their modes of transportations, and a sampling of just how much security goes into protecting their Friends and Foes from Xenu’s ominous Orwellian eye:

With other guests like Kyra Sedgwick, Eva Longoria and Tobey Maguire attending, it's no surprise the security was so tight, but why the golf carts? Did Tom and Katie really force their guests to go scootering around their mansion just to say, Look! We're Rich! You Knew That Already But, But...Look!


Though paparazzi weren't allowed to snap anywhere near the actual party, they did manage to get a good handle on just how pricey the guests' rides were: Bentleys, Lexuses and Porsches galore. We're just relieved Jeremy Piven wasn't on hand to witness the rides, lest he throw a very Ari Gold-esque fit and begin pounding away at his beloved hoopty chick magnet with his hairy bare fists.

[Photo credits: X17, Splash]

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Mon, 02 Jun 2008 13:55:00 PDT Molly Friedman http://defamer.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5012359&view=rss&microfeed=true
<![CDATA[ Jealous Harvey Weinstein Stakes His Own Claim to 'Valkyrie' Debacle ]]> operation.jpgAmid all of Tuesday's post-holiday hustle and bustle, we regrettably overlooked perhaps the most profound news item of the day: Harvey Weinstein indirectly hopped in the Valkyrie fray at Cannes by picking up US theatrical/DVD rights to Operation Valkyrie, a 2004 German retelling of the failed plot to assassinate Adolf Hitler. It's the same film Tom Cruise and Bryan Singer made (or are making, with worse accents) only to see it bumped twice to a Feb. 2009 release-date Siberia by Cruise/UA's partners at MGM — oddly the same folks with whom The Weinstein Company shares its own distribution deal. Small world, eh? It gets even weirder — kind of.

Originally made for TV, the German Valkyrie features The Lives of Others/Black Book actor Sebastian Koch as the eyepatched, would-be Hitler killer Col. Claus von Stauffenberg — also Cruise's role in the American version. Cruise, meanwhile, stars opposite Carice van Houten — Koch's Black Book co-star and real-life love interest. If Harvey has the balls (and/or the cash) to release Operation Valkyrie theatrically, especially before Singer's Valkyrie emerges from hiding, look forward to the most spectacularly awkward Tom Cruise premiere ever.

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Wed, 28 May 2008 09:55:00 PDT STV http://defamer.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=393719&view=rss&microfeed=true
<![CDATA[ Despite his best attempts, Tom Cruise has ... ]]> Despite his best attempts, Tom Cruise has officially failed his mission of keeping wife Katie Holmes off Broadway and out of New York. As we learned earlier this year, the escape-hungry Holmes was offered a role in this fall’s Arthur Miller play All My Sons, giving her a chance to remind the industry she was once an actress. But Cruise was rumored to have squashed the idea, punishing his true love by sending her off to Scientology boot camp. But Us is confirming that Holmes has signed on anyway, meaning the tight Cruise clan will be spending autumn in New York. We can only hope NBC successfully woos Jerry Seinfeld into a deal by then, lest TomKat’s previous recruitment plans for the comedian remain a high priority. [Us]

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Mon, 19 May 2008 17:55:00 PDT Molly Friedman http://defamer.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5009816&view=rss&microfeed=true
<![CDATA[ Pee-Pee Makers, Infanticide Keep the 'Tropic Thunder' Train Rolling Toward Opening Day ]]> First, the bad news about the new red-band trailer for Tropic Thunder: Alas, there is no trace of Tom Cruise's fat-suited, filthy-mouthed studio boss cameo that so entranced insiders at an early screening last month. The good news: Ben Stiller does throw a murderous Viet Cong toddler off a bridge, which is only about a 6 on the teaser's overactive, oft-peaking transgression scale. More bad news: The trailer appears to promise more than anyone can rightfully expect it to deliver, and Jack Black does appear in his underwear. More good news: Black in packing more than his junk in said underwear. More bad news: The trailer does zero favors for the squeamish. More good news: The trailer does zero favors for the squeamish. So we guess we're in! NB: Simple Jack could quite possibly turn out to be the best film never made. [Tropic Thunder]

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Mon, 19 May 2008 14:20:00 PDT STV http://defamer.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=391837&view=rss&microfeed=true
<![CDATA[ MGM Chief Blames the Germans as Slide of the 'Valkyrie' Continues ]]> You tell us what's more frightening about MGM boss Harry Sloan's recent proclamations from Cannes: A) That the guy freely admits both Robocop and the Brat Pack-slays-the-Communists epic Red Dawn are up for remakes at his studio, or B) Sloan's public support of Tom Cruise, Valkyrie and United Artists has winnowed to the point of "clanking endorsement." Oh, who are we kidding? Valkyrie trumps everything:

As for all the bad buzz surrounding Valkyrie, from MGM subsidiary UA, Sloan said that photos of an eyepatch-clad Tom Cruise as an SS officer were "a little bit unfortunate," but were released to reassure the German government about the seriousness of the project.
MGM/UA's prepared to prevail over the nay-sayers. "We've had image problems before," Sloan said, alluding to early negativity on hits like Casino Royale and Rocky Balboa. "The film will speak for itself."

Not any more it won't. Let's hope the German government didn't get a look at the Valkyrie trailer or happen to notice when MGM pushed its release date a second time to February 2009; we can probably safely assume they don't read Roger Friedman, right?

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Mon, 19 May 2008 12:00:00 PDT STV http://defamer.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=391763&view=rss&microfeed=true
<![CDATA[ Katie, I Think Suri Is Broken. Either That Or The Batteries Are Dying. ]]>

boomp3.com


Tom Cruise had a bit of difficultly working his Suri Cruise robot while visiting his son on the set of his first film. Cruise asked his wife, Katie Holmesm if she had any extra batteries, and then suggested that they should take Suri into the shop to be repaired because of the foul odor it was emitting. Cruise said, "I don't remember Suri ever smelling this bad. The wiring must be broken or something." Holmes took the child and quickly changed it. Cruise nodded and mouthed, "Ooooohhhhhhh.'

[Photo Credit: X17]



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Mon, 19 May 2008 11:00:00 PDT Douglas Reinhardt http://defamer.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=391568&view=rss&microfeed=true
<![CDATA[ Katie Holmes' Attempt To Flee The Scientology Kingdom: A Tragedy In Three Parts ]]> Looks like it’s time to reopen the case of Suri Cruise and the Toxic Scientology Bottles. After seeing this photo of Katie Holmes and her tiny dancer, we couldn’t help but notice the presence of an actual sippy cup. Why is this news so glorious? You see, most babies tend to go from nipple to bottle to sippy cup to the wine glass you’re currently holding. But Hubbard's Parenting Book tells Scientology moms like Holmes to rot their kids' teeth with honey instead, a method Holmes had been following obediently. But before we could celebrate Suri's freedom and Katie's long-awaited rebellion against Overlord Tom and his disco-dancing minions, Cruise suddenly descended on their escape attempt clutching an asbestos-stuffed rabbit that made Suri cry. The dramatic series of events, in pictures, after the jump.

As it turns out, Katie and Suri picked an odd moment to make their escape. True, the pair were allowed to take tap dancing lessons together without supervision, but they were on the set of Tom's Other Child Connor's big break in (coincidence!) Cruise BFF Will Smith's new movie. And, as we can see, Tom hardly let his girls get very far before swooping in from his perch atop a trailer and distracting Suri with a pink bunny. Katie appears to put up a halfhearted fight for a moment, but Tom predictably wins the battle, removing Suri from her escape wagon and most likely, plucking that sippy cup from her little hands and crushing it with his famous air-punching fist.

[Photo credits: X17]

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Fri, 16 May 2008 15:30:00 PDT Molly Friedman http://defamer.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5009412&view=rss&microfeed=true
<![CDATA[ Tom Cruise Gifts Beckhams With One-Way Ticket To Hubbard's House Of Horrors ]]>

Hello Magazine is reporting that Tom Cruise was plum out of ideas for what to get recently drifting BFF David Beckham for his birthday. So instead of a fruit basket or a lifetime supply of Tom Cruise Purple, the Hubbard-loving Clear decided to treat both Posh and Becks to a private weekend getaway at one of Cruise’s favorite romantic spots in Napa Valley: his very own home!

”They wanted [Posh] and David to make use of their property [and] insisted that it should be just the two of them and that they should thoroughly spoil themselves.”

But after hearing more details on just how Tom planned this so-called “private” getaway, we’re worried the Beckhams are about to be abducted by a Xenuphobic SWAT team...

It's true that TomKat's birthday surprise might very well be an innocent gift, or a way of saying "We've never had sex in this place, but someone should!" But as the story's source continues, "Tom even booked his jet for them and told them they had to be at a private airfield at a specific time so work commitments couldn't get in the way." Let's see: Tom's private jet, taking off from a private airfield at a time designated by Cruise. Is no one else getting the creepy feeling this "vacation" is Cruise's sole tactic remaining in Scientology's official bag of conversion tricks? We'd like to request the assistance of British feds in setting up spies at both the Freelands dock and Gold Base stat.

[Photo credit: Socialite's Life]

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Wed, 14 May 2008 15:10:00 PDT Molly Friedman http://defamer.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5009036&view=rss&microfeed=true
<![CDATA[ Tom Cruise Rewards Daughter For Baby Bottle Sobriety ]]>

boomp3.com


While visiting his son, Connor, on the set of his first film Seven Pounds, Tom Cruise and the rest of the Cruise clan also celebrated Suri going without a baby bottle for two days. According to sources on the scene, Suri only displayed minor withdrawals symptoms, but Suri's mother, Katie, appeared to be showing all the signs of withdraw; Katie told friends on set that she's been having trouble sleeping lately. Cruise was all smiles and decided to reward Suri with a stuffed animal and told Suri that if she makes it a full month, she may get own helicopter.

[Photo Credit: X17]



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Wed, 14 May 2008 14:30:00 PDT Douglas Reinhardt http://defamer.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=390529&view=rss&microfeed=true
<![CDATA[ 'People' Unveils Massive Cover Archive Online, All We See Are Fabio's Pecs And John Travolta's Quads ]]> It took them long enough, but People has finally seized the magical capabilities of the world wide web and uploaded each and every cover in its almost 45-year history online. And while we hand-picked a few of our favorites, from a very Dirk Diggler-looking John Travolta in 1983 to the sad black and white sight of Jennifer Aniston’s misty eyes looking up as Brad Pitt placed the wedding ring on her finger in 2000, we also featured a few after the jump that are slightly more disturbing. "Judge Judy Disrobed," and Brooke Shields doing her whole kiddie porn thing back in the 70s, for example. Plus, a very special throwback to a time when the world wondered whether Britney was looking “too sexy too soon” ... way back in 2000!

From left, OJ Simpson heralded as a triple threat in 1977 (athlete! TV star! potential psychopath!), Olivia Newton-John had America hooked on roller skating in 1979, and 15-year old Brooke Shields was dressed in a loincloth in 1980.

Travolta appeared on an 1983 cover saying Look How Straight I Am!, Fabio was gruesomely all the rage in 1993, and some sick editor decided it would be a hoot to "disrobe" Judge Judy in 1999.

Eight entire years ago, the mag wondered if perhaps, there might be something a little kooky with Britney and her grown-up ways (prophets, those editors!), Jen and Brad tied the knot in 2000, and Tom Cruise ran off with his second beard his Vanilla Sky co-star Penelope Cruz, leaving Nicole Kidman "shocked," naturally.

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Wed, 14 May 2008 11:20:00 PDT Molly Friedman http://defamer.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5008997&view=rss&microfeed=true
<![CDATA[ Suri Cruise's Favorite Things: Toxic Bottles, Boys Named Brooklyn And High-Kicking Has-Beens ]]> We hate to rain on Tom Cruise’s purity parade, but it seems his bundle of Hubbard Formula-chugging joy, Suri Cruise, has gone seriously gaga for two older men. And she’s got the giggles to show it. While babysitting for all three Beckham boys as David bent it like...well, lost to the visiting team, Tom and Katie brought finger-nibbling Suri along to watch. But the blanketed Cruiselette only had eyes for one guy: and he goes by Brooklyn Beckham. Tom did seem more interested in setting up Suri with the littlest Beckham (Cruz Beckham! Just picturing future Scientology couple Suri Cruise and Cruz Beckham likely made Tom's removable head spin with possibilities), Suri couldn’t keep her eyes off 9-year old Brooklyn. But earlier last week while still in NY, TomKat attended Suri’s favorite musical, and we have a feeling fellow Scientologist John Travolta’s role in the movie version had nothing to do with her ear-to-ear grin while leaving: a certain song-and-dancing Efronabbe got her all shook up...


Though Hubbard's crowned prince did his best to quite literally shove little Suri towards the more age-appropriate 3-year old Cruz, Suri was visibly smitten with Brooklyn. Anyone else hear "Suri, Brooklyn" and get just as uncomfortable as David Letterman's Oscar audience did post "Uma, Oprah"? In any case, it seems Tom may have given up the fight towards hooking up Posh 'n Becks to e-meters, and has begun using Suri as a delectable treat for the kids. We can just little Brook Becks now: "Mommy Posh! Suri says honey babas are brilliant! I must have ten this instant!" But Brooklyn may have some serious competition...


As Us reports, Suri's favorite movie thus far is Travolta's drag vehicle Hairspray, leading the Cruise fam to a viewing of the Broadway show while in New York early this month. And Suri's giggles and shy grin upon leaving tend to mean only one thing: she can "hear the bells," and they've been rung by star Ashley Parker Angel. We're just left feeling sorry for Tom's Other Daughter (Isabella, 15, who appears to have overcome that "awkward" stage). When will Katie take her along to the next Scientology mixer at the House of Hubbard?

[Photo credits: Getty, Wireimage]

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Mon, 12 May 2008 09:46:53 PDT Molly Friedman http://defamer.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5008710&view=rss&microfeed=true
<![CDATA[ Are Scientology Moms Katie Holmes And Leah Remini Feeding Their Kids Toxic 'Hubbard's Formula'? ]]> We've become just about as well-versed as we want to when it comes to the bizarre practices of Scientologists, which run the gamut from silent birth to e-meters. But after hearing that Katie Holmes' precious little Suri is still on the baby bottle even after turning 2 years old, and that fellow Scientologist mommy Leah Remini's "sweet witty pain in the ass" 3-year old Sophia still drinks six bottles a night, we discovered some disturbing tales from other members of the cult religion who used "Hubbard's baby formula," only to wind up with "thin and colicky" toddlers that had their "baby teeth destroyed" and "screamed themselves to death." But as the defiant Remini says in this clip, "I could see her drinkig a bottle 'til she's 16." More details on Hubbard's toxic formula that was developed using methods from Ancient Rome (!!!) after the jump.

suri-cruise-bottle-b.jpgOn a segment from the Rachael Ray show a few weeks back, a visibly exhausted and seemingly brainwashed Remini told viewers in the most melancholy of tones how addicted her daughter Sophia is to "the baba." And if self-professed Scientologist Remini is following the religion's doctrines correctly, this means she is obeying founder L. Ron Hubbard's instructions to never breastfeed and, instead, feed babies a mixture consisting of barley water, homogenized milk, and oodles of sugar-heavy honey. But this is hardly the scary part. You see, Hubbard, who we must note claimed he had visited Heaven several times during his life, also claimed he discovered this baby formula after magically traveling back in time to hang out in ancient Rome: "I picked it up in Roman days and have used it since...Modern hospital formulas and patent mixes for babies are not just bad, they are criminal." While we're pretty sure that keeping one's baby on a proper nutritional diet is the furthest thing from criminal, we're equally sure that keeping the little ones sucking down Hubbard's formula well past their third birthday isn't doing any favors for the child's social development skills. As they say, this one is developing...

[Photo Credit: INF]

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Thu, 08 May 2008 12:00:00 PDT Molly Friedman http://defamer.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=388521&view=rss&microfeed=true
<![CDATA[ Tom And Katie Kiss And Make Up With Beckhams ]]>
Though the Metropolitan Museum's annual Costume Gala is considered by most to be the Oscars of the fashion world, the truth of the matter is that no one really focuses on the clothes. What really matters is which celebrities show up to WEAR the clothes and, of course, whether or not they're lookin' good. That said, all eyes were entirely focused on the recently friction-laden, reportedly squabbling super-duo of Team Cruise and Team Beckham, who reunited once again for the cameras. And despite the gushing show of admiration and respect that the Beckhams demonstrated for the the Hubbard-lovers on yesterday's Oprah, both Holmes and Beckham were allegedly competing for the spotlight last night. And in the end? The girl with the higher-slit dress tends to win every time. More photos from the event, including our picks for the best and most horrific looks of the night, after the jump.

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Call it a magic moment, call it a completely forced photo opp, but the Cruises and Beckhams did briefly pose on the carpet before entering the Gala. And though Victoria certainly didn't look happy about it, her nipples sure did.

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Amidst the sea of designer gowns, we thought Eva Longoria's dramatic ruffle-adorned number was most impressive. Busy and over the top maybe, but her petite little body suddenly looked voluptuous and the midnight purple color was the perfect choice.

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Thandie Newton usually kills on the carpet, so we were baffled to see her in this very Madonna circa 1995 S&M lingerie-esque ensemble. And poor Mischa Barton, possibly still smarting from those unflattering balcony bikini pictures, chose a shapeless dress that was boring on the bottom, modern Bride of Frankenstein on the top.

[Photo credits: Getty, Wireimage, Daily Mail]

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Tue, 06 May 2008 10:55:00 PDT Molly Friedman http://defamer.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=387570&view=rss&microfeed=true
<![CDATA[ Official Site Guarantees Safe Websurfing Environment For Tom Cruise-Lovers ]]> In yet another calculated attempt at reclaiming the image he's labored to build over a quarter-century as Hollywood's most bankable leading men, world's leading Tom Cruise archivist Tom Cruise has opened his vaults and splayed their contents across his newly minted digital headquarters, TomCruise.com.

A carefully monitored, cordoned-off section of the intertubes where no malicious pranksters can post footage of the actor electrocuting Oprah Winfrey to death on infinite loop, the monochromatic vanity-site aims to "bring you in and share with you the fun I experience every day during the filmmaking process, from working on the script, to the making of the film through to what we finally see when we settle into our seats and the lights go down." Notably absent: a Tom's Blog section, the concept having been briefly toyed with before Cruise himself instructed his WebOrg-assigned site designer to delete it. After all, the series of increasingly hysterical messages left by commenter IndenturedServitude, along the lines of, "Please! Anyone! I am being held captive in a labyrinth seven stories beneath the Telluride compound. You're my only hope! Signed, KH...P.S. Beware the cyclops," threatened to compromise the very P.R.-spinning purpose of the site itself.

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Tue, 06 May 2008 09:50:00 PDT Seth http://defamer.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=387611&view=rss&microfeed=true
<![CDATA[ Sumner Redstone Apparently Finds Right Price to Forgive 'Good Friend' Tom Cruise ]]> The Tom Cruise Image Rehabilitation Tour rolls on today with a public pardon from Viacom kingpin Sumner Redstone, who followed his prodigal son's subdued Oprah stint with a reassurance that, you know, all that erratic-behavior outrage from a couple years back? Just kidding! And Mission: Impossible 4? It's "up to Brad Grey." Or, loosely translated, "Are we on number four? Already? Well, I'll be":

Despite the severed relationship, Cruise, 45, is in talks with Paramount to star in a fourth Mission: Impossible film. Viacom is Paramount's parent company.
"I consider Tom Cruise a great actor and a good friend," Redstone said. "And if Paramount decides — and they will make the decision — to move ahead with him, I will not object."

Redstone, who was seen dining with Cruise in Beverly Hills in March, was responding to a reporter's question after a speech at a conference in South Korea.

No word on whether or not Cruise and Paula Wagner's stalled United Artists tank might follow behind (especially as Dreamworks scouts new bungalows around town), but seeing as MGM still has a UA deal, M:I4 remains a separate matter. In any case, Redstone won't be leaving that one up to Grey, unless perhaps through some miracle of timing and imagination the principals develop M:I4 as a perfect midsummer companion to Valkyrie. Maybe the latter could be an origin story — Ethan Hunt descended from one-eyed Nazis? Don't think Redstone hasn't pitched it.

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Tue, 06 May 2008 09:00:00 PDT STV http://defamer.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=387584&view=rss&microfeed=true
<![CDATA[ Jerry Seinfeld Now Topping TomKat's Scientology Recruitment List As Cruise Family Takes Manhattan ]]> tomkatthumb.jpgBack in October of 2006, Vanity Fair shocked us all by nabbing the first family photos of until-then MIA Suri Cruise, the tiny Xenuphobic bundle of joy Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes had masterfully kept hidden months after her no-screaming-allowed birth. Why were we shocked? Accusations from both the press and the masses flooded the public narrative claiming little Suri looked nothing like Tom or Katie, some going so far as to claim the pregnancy was faked. But after the Knights of Hubbard spent this past weekend in New York with Suri in tow, it's become clear to us that Suri is quite obviously a real-live Cruise. The pictures that convinced us, along with details on which stars the Cruises spent time proselytizing dining with out East, after the jump.

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While in New York, the Cruises had dinner with Jessica Seinfeld, possibly to discuss kid stuff (the third Seinfeld spawn is just about the same age as Suri). And though Katie's offer to star in a Broadway play this fall has allegedly been vetoed by Tom, she was at least allowed to accompany him to the Frances McDormand and Morgan Freeman-starring Country Girl. And as the photos above show, Suri is beginning to resemble Katie more and more with every passing month. Which has us thinking, maybe it's time to put those Rosemary's Baby rumors to rest.

[Photo credits: Splash, Vanity Fair]

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Mon, 05 May 2008 14:40:00 PDT Molly Friedman http://defamer.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=387327&view=rss&microfeed=true
<![CDATA[ As Long As We Hold Hands, They'll Think We're A Normal Couple ]]>

boomp3.com


L. Ron Hubbard enthusiast Tom Cruise asked for the paparazzi to give him and his wife, Katie Holmes, a minute before posing for pictures. Cruise took his wife behind a large grey door and reminded her of all the rules that comes with posing for pictures together. Cruise placed a strong emphasis on the need for them to hold hands as they walk. According to one source on the scene, Cruise told his wife