Defamer: The Cw

With Brenda Back And Donna Out, Which '90210' Alums Are Officially Returning To The Peach Pit?

Molly Friedman — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 17:00:00 PDT

The upcoming remake of Beverly Hills: 90210 is continuing the process of putting its out-of-work alumni back in business. Spurned by producers for just being her normal bratty self back in 1994, Shannen Doherty is reportedly in talks to join Jennie Garth and return the characters that launched each of them into the zeitgeist back in the early `90s. But despite Shannen and Jennie's overenthusiastic acknowledgment that they’ve got nothing better to do, not every cast member is so eager to pull the trigger and willingly euthanize their own careers. Which stars are only contributing to the remake in off-screen roles, and which are phoning in Hell Nos from Italy as they shoot far more important Hallmark Channel movies, after the jump.

Garth was the first desperado to sign on and, unlike newly departed Tori Spelling, the always awesome Joe E. Tata is still rumored to be on board as the Peach Pit’s warm and fuzzy overlord Nat once again. But, sadly, he will not be reuniting with star employeee Brandon — Jason Priestley will not be growing out his sideburns to enlighten us on the Walsh heir's dark descent into drugs and liquor while living outside the fading marquee of his failed After Party club franchise. But he will direct! As for Luke Perry, the failed Broadway star is way too busy to even give a return to the only show anyone remembers him for a moment's pause. He's starring opposite C. Thomas Howell in made-for-TV Westerns! Leave him alone! He's got cheaper budgets and lower ratings records to focus on!

SHANNEN DOHERTY IN TALKS TO RETURN TO '90210' [People]

Clooney Sells Showtime On A Suicide Comedy

Seth — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 14:02:48 PDT

· George Clooney's production company Smoke House has set up a pilot at Showtime called The Fall of Bob, a comedy about a guy whose life flashes before his eyes as he jumps off a building. We bet we know how the series finale ends! [Variety]
· Vin Diesel VehicleWatch! 20th Century Fox has bought Rip X, a pitch for an action movie in the vein of The Fast and the Furious. [Variety]
· Ready for the next Ugly Betty? Tough! Fox has ordered a pilot based on the hit Argentinian telenovela Lalola, about a "womanizer who is transformed into a woman — and must endure the same kind of abuse he used to dole out." [Variety]
· Laurie Metcalf joins the cast of The CW's Easy Money, and Anne Archer will star on Privileged on the same network. No word yet on what actresses they are looking at for coming-of-age teen drama Gobs and Gobs of Really High Currency. [THR, THR]
· Hilary Duff joins Winona Ryder, Sean Astin, Chevy Chase, and Jon Cryer (definitely a dream cast in some era), for Stay Cool, a "knowing-your-age comedy" from the Polish Brothers. [THR]

Farmer Wants A Wife, Not A Toilet-Mouth

Seth — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 17:59:34 PDT

· Last night's Farmer Wants a Wife—which we're told actually exists and is not an elaborate 30 Rock joke—was the most! shocking! ever!, as contestant Ashley, a "catering sales manager," dropped a few f-bombs on the lonely Missouri field worker. (Who, it bears mentioning, we're almost positive we saw go-go dancing in nothing but a tuxSpeedo at last night's gay marriage rally at The Abbey). [The CW]
· We're going to go out on a limb and guess Ice-T is a breast-man. [flisted]
· Janice Dickinson's 8-week-old Chocolate Lab puppy is missing. Run, Hershey! Run! [TMZ]
· This is just a travesty: The Hockey Night in Canada theme is in jeopardy. Help us, Don Cherry. You're our only hope. [Reuters]
·Hey—Zebricorns! [greywolf]

Network Death Watch Underway as Viewers, Advertisers Flee the CW

STV — Fri, 16 May 2008 11:10:00 PDT

Teenagers fucking does not a network make, or so the CW is grudgingly realizing as its ratings plummet to a point where even The Wall Street Journal can't help but scoop the world on its obituary. To wit: Nearly 28% of its target 18-34 demo has disappeared this season! Ratings are down 22% during May sweeps! Young viewers are flocking to the Web! "Writers strike" this, "skittish advertisers" that, co-owners CBS and WB are ready to drop their joint endeavor faster than a pair of Gossip Girl heroine Serena van der Woodsen's panties, etc. etc. In short: Divest all ye sinners, the end is nigh — as in "a year" nigh, give or take a month or two.

So what's the problem? What else, suggests CW boss Dawn Ostroff: Nielsen is miscalculating their ratings!

CW executives attribute the network's poor ratings performance not to a lack of viewers but to flaws in the system of measure. "Obviously, we would have liked to do better," Ms. Ostroff said this week. "Our young audience certainly knows how to get their content in different ways, and we have to figure out different ways to measure how they're getting it."

The CW has two strategies for this: work with Nielsen Media Research, the company that records ratings, to improve its methodology; and continue efforts to lure more and younger viewers to the network. Despite its stated demographic targets, the CW viewer's median age is 34, Ms. Ostroff says.

Nielsen says in a statement that although it believes its ratings "provide a fair picture of what younger viewers are watching," the audience is challenging to track. "We are working closely with the CW and all of our clients to continuously improve our measurement."

Sure, there may be a slight underreporting in Farmer Wants a Wife's .00000003 share, but it's a peccadillo in the scheme of things that mostly involves polishing its new 90210 turd and milking just one more DVD-ready season of Gossip Girl from increasingly skeptical advertisers. We foresee an all-black New York Magazine cover protesting the network's demise and its Best. (If Least Effectual.) Show. Ever. by this time next year — or at least we hope for one: It may be the only way anyone knows the CW died.

It's No Gossip, Ratings Slip Threatens CW Network [WSJ]

The '90210' Mills Vs. 'Arrested' Bluths: Bound By Their Drunk Grandmother

Seth — Wed, 14 May 2008 14:05:00 PDT

The CW's upfront presentation—actually a press release from network president Dawn Ostroff, upon which no expense was spared—announced that the flailing bastard network had finally "zeroed in on our target demo" (young women, 18-34), and would therefore spend the rest of their existence slavishly catering to their newly identified audience's whims and needs. Another season of Mr. and Mrs. Jay enacting their high-fashion minstrel show up and down the deck of the USS Nimitz while deployed to the Persian Gulf? You got it. A two-hour special with limited commercial interruption brought to you by Axe Body Spray, entitled, Chace Crawford: Shirtless? Coming right up. Less lucky: Aliens in America, Life is Wild, The Pussycat Dolls Present: Girlicious, and Beauty and the Geek, who were all dropped faster than an 8th grader wipes her former best friend from her myFaves after finding out she blabbed about her yeast infection to the rest of their backup-dancing class.

Greatest TV show in history Gossip Girl returns (whose conceit of being narrated by a simpering, faceless gossip blogger never gets the least bit annoying) and One Tree Hill (cut it down and count its rings: 100 and counting!) live on, joined by two new dramas: 90210, and The One That Isn't 90210. The spinoff's official cast photo (above) features the sublime Jessica Walter, called upon to put yet another spin on the boozy family matriach. It instantly reminded us of another family portrait, that of the capsized Bluths on the cover of Arrested Development's first season DVD. We can only hope 90210's Gypsy Lohan winds up with a hook for a hand by the end of the first season.

A wealth of CW debuts: From '90210' to 'Surviving the Filthy Rich' [NY Daily News]

It's A Network Pickup Orgy!

Seth — Mon, 12 May 2008 13:00:00 PDT

· Fox has picked up J.J. Abrams's Fringe, about a female FBI agent who "tackles unexplained medical and scientific phenomena," and Joss Whedon's Dollhouse, both for mid-season debuts meant to be bolstered by American Idol's return, an effect Fox internally refers to as "the Drunk-Paula Boost." [Variety]
· The CW makes it official: The Beverly Hills, 90210 spinoff is a go, with Jennie Garth reprising her role as Kelly Taylor. New York magazine will eventually go on to declare the series "mankind's greatest single achievement since the Wright brothers perfected human flight." [THR]
· ABC, meanwhile, has ordered "quirky sci-fi thriller" Life on Mars, a new animated series from Mike Judge called The Goode Family, and Ashton Kutcher reality show Opportunity Knocks. Unlike last year's Cavemen, none are based on an insurance commercial—though Allstate, a "drama with supernatural elements" starring Dennis Haysbert as a creepy guy who has a way of always showing up at highway accidents, is said to be a possible mid-season replacement. [Variety]

· As for NBC, Saffron Burrows has been cast opposite Christian Slater in My Own Worst Enemy, and Battlestar Galactica EP David Eick is in talks to take over showrunner duties on The Philanthropist, about "a renegade billionaire who uses his wealth, connections and power to help people in need no matter what the risks or costs," a sort of gender-reversed, serialized-drama take on Paris Hilton's life story. [THR]
· CBS ordered the Jerry Bruckheimer-produced Eleventh Hour, The Mentalist (starring Simon Baker) and The Ex-List (about a woman who tries to figure out which or her exes is the one a psychic told her she was meant to marry), as well as sitcoms Worst Week and Project Gary, and John Turteltaub's Harper's Island, a "horror drama." [THR]
· And in movie news, The Hills background player and self-leaked nudie-photo-scandal-victim Audrina Patridge will make her feature straight-to-DVD debut with Into the Blue 2: Even More Into The Blue for MGM Home Entertainment. [THR]

The 'Gossip Girl' OMFG Promo. Sweded.

Seth — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 16:10:00 PDT

You're likely familiar with the work of Sam Rubin—KTLA entertainment reporter, World's Biggest Chace Crawford fan (sorry, JC), and, on paper at least, a grown man—whose motor-mouthed showbiz punditry becomes even more red-faced and spittle-flecked when the subject turns to anything Gossip Girl. (The greatest show ever! Just ask the writers of this New York cover story we won't be caught dead reading!) With the show's second-season premiere airing tonight, Rubin unveiled his own Sweded take on the middling teen soap's overtly sexual OMFG marketing campaign.

Ever after our seventh viewing, however, we're still not exactly sure of what it is was we were looking at. It appears to involve the aggressive manipulation of a brunette's head, accompanied by a run-on stream of Latina yelps of passion—David Lynchian elements of danger and the surreal that engaged us far more than anything involving the van der Woodsens.

KTLA Entertainment News

Is Tyra Banks Ready To Tell 'Top Model' To Kiss. Her. Fat. Ass?

Seth — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 15:30:00 PDT

In a stunning development that could throw into jeopardy the jobs of millions of blue collar Americans working in the top-model-refining industry, Tyra Banks may have finally had it with the reality TV competition that effectively launched her star, OK! magazine reports. Things have reportedly gotten "so bad" on the set between Tyra and photo-shoot taskmaster Mr. Jay (who—little known fact—can control the weather by merely rolling back his eyeballs!) that the two "aren't speaking." Even more disturbing, Tyra "only wants to show up on judging day," waiting for the camera's red light to come on before phoning in trademark advice like, "There's a big difference between [wild-eyed facial expression] and [totally fierce facial expression]."

The report claims she instead wants to focus on her talk show, with recent blue-chip guests like Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton having given the aspiring supermogul a taste of what it truly means to have the Oprah-level power she craves so much. Presiding over the weave-yanking exploits of a houseful of aspiring boat show hostesses seems a lot less glamorous when there's an eight-hour foam-latex application waiting for you at your day job, that you might give your viewers a more accurate first-hand account of what it feels like to live your life as a 700-lb transexual sex-worker.

No more 'Top Model' for Tyra Banks? [MSNBC]

Defamer Exclusive: JC Chasez And Chace Crawford's Cabana Rendezvous...With Photo!

Seth — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 15:58:00 PDT

Chace Crawford, the Gossip Girl star so pretty that one bat of his lashes is enough to instantly knock crowds of his tweenage fanbase clear unconscious, has been linked quite a bit lately to former NSYNC member JC Chasez. Not even a suspiciously timed and worded Page Six item describing the actor as being "surrounded by women" seemed to quell the rumors regarding these frequent bunk buddies. Now, via cameraphone-equipped operative, we bring you this latest addition to the Defamer Citizen Paparazzi files. It's an eyewitness account of what Chase and J.C. (can we just give them a celebrity couple's name already? Chésee it is!) were up to over this unseasonably warm L.A. weekend:

Spotted at the Roosevelt pool, Friday PM:

Pretty boy Chace Crawford darting to the bar from a private cabana. No one seemed to notice but upon further inspection, there was quite the little boys party going in the cabana—JC Chasez hiding out and Chace running around getting drinks. The two were in very different bathing suits—JC in his DG mankini and Chace in his best hetero pair of boardshorts—and later changed into a casual jeans & t-shirt look.

Before jumping to conclusions about what it means for two handsome young men to share a poolside cabana with some of their best bros, and all the mutual lotion-application that implies, we'd caution instead that nothing in this scenario should necessarily arouse any further suspicions. We're reminded of those timeless words uttered by Judah Friedlander's 30 Rock character Frank Rossitano, who, possessed by a peculiar hetero-crush on the office coffee boy, justified his increasingly desperate come-ons by explaining, "We're just two straight guys who want to enjoy each other's bodies!"

Bonus Gossip Gay Link: A male cast member will be revealed to be gay in the new season, premiering April 21. This could be the most ambitious viral marketing campaign in network history!

Gossip Girl [The CW]

Tori Spelling Will Work For Lunch At The Peach Pit

Seth — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 11:16:25 PDT

News that The CW would be shooting the pilot for a Beverly Hills 90210 spinoff was undoubtedly met with conflicted feelings by the sporadically employed cast of the original series, even going so far as to cause Ian Ziering to wake up repeatedly in cold night sweats, shouting into the darkness, "But will they remain true to the original show's vision of eight best friends who pledge over countless lunches at The Peach Pit to remain together, through thick and thin, whatever life throws at them?!"

But where life gives you spinoffs, hopeless optimist Tori Spelling makes spinoffade, telling People that news of the new 90210 would surely cause her father Aaron to "[beam] from above." (Every time a desperate, bastard network discovers a previously proven commodity it can exploit for ratings, an angel gets its wings.) Tori also would love to be involved in a series-regular capacity, telling People, "I'm obviously too young to have a teenager, so maybe I could be one of the main character's young stepmom...Playing the funny sex ed teacher at the high school would be funny, too, considering Donna Martin was America's most infamous virgin." Either part could work nicely; alternately, they could craft a role around Spelling's gifts, making her the lady who cleans The Talon Salon, the Korean nail studio where the gang gathers daily to gossip and pal around over mani-pedis. ("Tori—you missed a spot!")

Tori Spelling: I'd Love To Be in 90210 Remake [People]

Meet The Mills: Analyzing The '90210' Spinoff Breakdowns

Seth — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 13:49:09 PDT

Stumbling, bastard network The CW is reaching back for inspiration—all the way back to teen drama prehistory, that magical moment when single-celled organisms of privilege sprouted legs, slithered onto the Malibu shore, and eventually stood upright to become the cast of Beverly Hills 90210. There they flourished, living by the harsh natural law of survival of the tannest, and shopping and fucking the prime years of their lives away, with only the occasional rape and meth addiction to slow down the evolutionary process. Would lighting strike twice? That certainly is what The CW is hoping with its 90210 spinoff series. Variety has gotten their hands on the casting breakdown for a show centering around "the Mills family," who relocate from St. Louis to the titular postal service area. The primary players:

· Tabitha Mills: "A 60-something actress/alchoholic who was a major star in the 1970s and had been linked to everyone from Warren Beatty to Jack Nicholson." Notes: Everyone from Warren Beatty to Jack Nicholson? That's sort of the disco-era starlet-banging equivalent of saying "she's danced to everything from 'Le Freak' to 'Good Times.'" Still, that her back story leaves the door cracked open for even a passing cameo by Bob Evans strikes us as nothing but a good sign. Obvious inspiration: Candy Spelling, that slut! Casting suggestion: Victoria Principal.
· Harrison "Harry" Mills: Tabitha's son, "a 1980s graduate of Beverly Hills High, decides to move back home to the 90210 after years in St. Louis." Notes: Don't for a moment think the adults of this version will be the watered-down and ineffectual characters of the original, shuffled off to the sidelines to deliver platitude-ridden dialogue as meaningless as the slide-trombone grownup-speak of Charlie Brown cartoons. Sandy Cohen has changed the cool-parent character paradigm forever. Obvious inspiration: Jim Walsh. Casting suggestion: Scott Baio!
· Celia Mills: Harry's wife, "an Olympic athlete who's looking forward to living in Cali, and ends up working as a personal trainer." Notes: MILF alert. Obvious inspiration: Demi Moore. Casting suggestion: Carla Gugino.
· Annie Mills: Their 16-year-old daughter, "an emo/theater kid who's desperate to fit in with the cool crowd." Notes: All references to Drama Club will be excised from the final pilot script, replaced with something far more quirkily cool, like knowledge of the insect universe or ability to play Klezmer accordian. Obvious inspiration: Juno minus the need to be loved. Casting suggestion: Jamie Lynn Spears.
· Dylan Mills: Annie's adopted 16-year-old brother "a supersmart bad boy who has lingering social and behavioral issues — and not an ounce of nerdiness in him...producers are open to actors of all ethnicities for the Dixon role." Notes: A calculated stab at dewhitenening the '210 template throws the ethnicity of the show's pivotal bad boy—the hyperhormonal and unapologetically recalcitrant spike to which the rest of the series is tethered—up in the air. Obvious inspiration: Dylan McKay, 50 Cent. Casting suggestion: Bow Wow.

[Photo Credit: Exposay.com, Upside Down Dog and ViewImages]

'One Tree Hill' Makes It To 100 Episodes You Haven't Seen

Seth — Tue, 18 Mar 2008 12:30:42 PDT

· One Tree Hill celebrates its 100th episode with a very special one in which Chad Michael Murray slips into autopilot while secretly fantasizing to himself about how nice it would be to break free of The CW ghetto for the feature movie career he so richly deserves. [Variety]
· Peter Berg signs on to direct Dune for Paramount, presumably righting whatever wrongs were committed against the sacred source material by David Lynch's Sting-in-a-licorice-thong version. [Variety]
· McLovin works! The voice talents of Christopher Mintz-Plasse, along with Superbad buddy and child insult comic Jonah Hill, will be employed to thrilling effect in Dreamworks's computer-animated fantasy, How to Train Your Dragon. [THR]

· NBC gets a piece of the reality cooking competition action with The Chipping Block, starring chef Marco Pierre White as The Guy Who Yells A Lot in the Big White Hat. [Variety]
· Notoriously rep-choosy auteur Steven Soderbergh, who's had no agent or manager since 2005, has settled upon Anonymous Content's Michael Sugar. So long as he doesn't get too clingy. [THR]
· Metropolitan Talent Agency is laying off most of its staff, and is close to shutting down completely. Its clients include Peter Fonda, Michael York, Debbie Reynolds, Parker Stevenson and, finally, LeVar Burton, who'll need someone to scoop him up quickly to negotiate the deal for him to star as David Paterson in Three-Diamond Girl: Ashley Alexandra Dupré and the Fall of the House of Spitzer. [THR]

Keeping Up With The Lohanians

Seth — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 12:10:48 PST

· It's official! E! has picked up eight episodes of Living Lohan, a realitainment showcasing the highs and lows of everyone's favorite momabler, Dina Lohan, as she moves the family from Long Island to Las Vegas for little Ali's career. Ali records an album, the two live in a suite at the Palms (coincidentally owned by exec producer Phil Maloof), and we get a shattering glimpse into the heart of momabling darkness. Be afraid. [Variety]
· Confused about what the hell the Warner Bros.-ingested New New Line is going to wind up looking like? Guess what—so is Warner Bros.! [Variety]

· The CW goes back to the teen-chick-lit trough for inspiration, ordering a pilot based on the book How to Teach Filthy Rich Girls, from the same publisher as the Gossip Girl series. No word yet on who's going to star, or whether or not they're fucking J.C. Chasez. [Variety]
· Swingtown, a CBS drama from the creator of Jericho, will premiere this summer instead of midseason, which was the pre-writers strike plan. Jericho fans are already mobilizing their next snack-food-based resuscitation initiative should it fail to connect with viewers. [THR]
· The Pitts, the 2003 live-action sitcom from Simpsons producers Mike Scully and Julie Thacker, is getting a second life, this time around as an animated series, with Allison Janney voicing the matriarch of the the world's most accident-prone family. [THR]

The Day The CW Laughter Died

Seth — Tue, 04 Mar 2008 11:25:47 PST

Bastard toddler network The CW has had a bit of a rough time rebounding after the writers strike, its slate failing to find traction with an audience comprised almost entirely of easily distracted tweenagers and confused elderly disappointed to learn they hadn't found a new home for Hee Haw reruns. Six of their series recently learned they had been spared the guillotine, including the always-dependable America's Next Top Model, the under-performing Gossip Girl, and the hanging-by-a-thread Everybody Hates Chris; sadly, however the same could not be said for 25 ill-fated staffers just handed their pink slips—curiously enough, printed on the netlet's branded green. From Variety:

More than 25 staffers have been let go — including Kim Fleary, the CW's exec VP of comedy development, and her No. 2, senior VP of comedy Steve Veisel.

While the comedy department was eliminated, the CW has merged its remaining drama and current programming units into one scripted series department.

In deference to the fallen department, surviving staffers have mounted a silent protest, closing all official e-mail correspondences today with a single, frowning emoticon. The sad-face symbol is a simple yet potent reminder of all the single-camera, half-hour projects that will forever go undeveloped, the script notes never given, and all due to the avarice of corporate higher-ups who'd sooner let the laughter die if it meant guaranteeing 155 more cycles of weave-tugging, appointment Top Model TV.

Strike, ratings slip lead to CW layoffs [Variety]

The Emmys Didn't Totally Ignore 'Studio 60'

Mark — Thu, 19 Jul 2007 11:50:34 PDT

· While underappreciated Aaron Sorkin masterwork Studio 60 was not, as we falsely represented earlier, a nominee for the Best Drama Emmy, the show did pull in a respectable five nods, including one for Eli Wallach in the role of Blacklisted, Alzheimer's Afflicted Writer Who Tries to Steal a Photograph That Has Meaning to Him. [Variety]
· Hollywood NepotismWatch: Shari Redstone, daughter of semi-mummified Viacom overlord Sumner Redstone, may leave the board of the company over a "falling out," though her spokesperson denies she's going anywhere, "even if she has to wait another 300 years for the old man to collapse into a pile of dust in his desk chair" to finally get control of his empire. [THR]
· Ray Liotta now old enough to play Jessica Biel's father. Oh, how the years fly by! [Variety]
· A two-hours So You Think You Can Dance handily defeats ABC's talent-show block of Do People Really Do Celebrity Impressions Anymore? and Insane Asylum Show and Tell: The Search For America's Next Top Inventor. [THR]
· Emmy voters virtually ignore network abomination The CW, which earned a single nom for sound editing in Smallville. [Variety]

Upfronts Afterthoughts: The CW Will Also Feature New Shows This Fall

Mark — Thu, 17 May 2007 13:36:46 PDT

· Oh, right: The CW also announced its Fall schedule. Veronica Mars fans, grab your pitchforks and torches, because your favorite show's not on it. But maybe the pick-up of Gossip Girl will make you feel better about things? [Variety]
· 300's Gerard Butler will star in Game, a near-future dystopian thriller in which people control other people in "mass-scale, multiplayer online" games, with Butler playing a warrior who tries to "regain his identity and bring down the system that has imprisoned him." Pitch: The Running Man meets The Matrix meets Second Life, sort of. [THR]
· Remember those scenes in Heat where Al Pacino and Robert DeNiro appeared together? If that gave you a moviegasm, you're probably not going to be able to handle Righteous Kill, a feature-length act-off between the stars of Two for the Money and Meet the Fockers. [Variety]
· David Fincher circumvented his "no more serial killer movies" rule for Zodiac by thinking of it as a "newspaper movie in which I get to torture Jake Gyllenhaal for the last two hours." [THR]
· Cannes attempts to spice up its opening night by eschewing its usual sit-down dinner in favor of allowing guests to roam the room with their cocktails, ingesting finger foods as needed to avoid passing out. [Variety]

Second Prize Is a Set of Steak Knives. Third Prize Is You Get Tim Allen In Your Martial Arts Movie

Mark — Tue, 15 May 2007 12:50:51 PDT

· Tim Allen? David Mamet? Together on a "mixed martial arts drama"? Has the world gone totally fucking insane? [Variety]
· TV casting crisis! Close the borders! Foreigners are stealing roles on new Fall series that could be going to American actors. [THR]
· Steven Spielberg and Peter Jackson team up to produce three digital 3-D features based on the Belgian cartoon Tintin. They'll direct one installment each, with the last going to Brett Ratner, guaranteeing the franchise will not live past their original vision for a trilogy. (Relax, we're kidding about Ratner. But in a world where Tim Allen and Mamet can collaborate, nothing seems impossible.) [Variety]
· The success of Ugly Betty earns budding TV mogul Salma Hayek a 2-year overall deal with ABC Studios. [THR]
· Adorable netlet The CW makes like the big-people channels, picking up the dramas Gossip Girl, Reaper, and Wild at Heart; Veronica Mars, however, remains on the bubble. [Variety]

'Gilmore Girls' Finally Silenced

Mark — Thu, 03 May 2007 14:16:47 PDT

· Rory and Lorelai will banter adorably no more forever: The CW announces that Gilmore Girls will air its final episode on May 15. We're not too sad, as we're sure the network has alternative MILF-related programming ready to take its place in the Fall. [Variety]
· Chris Von Goetz and Kevin Crotty are named co-heads of the TV lit department at ICM., which had been leaderless since the merger with BWCS. All we really care about: How nice are their shoes? Are we talking Whitesell nice or WMA nice? [THR]
· George Clooney and producing BFF Grant Heslov will co-write a dramedy, about how the CIA used Hollywood to stage a fake movie project (which was so well-faked Var and THR wrote about it) to sneak hostages out of Tehran in 1979, for Warner Brothers. [Variety]
· 28.1 million Idol fans tuned in to watch the final performances of The One Who Thinks He's Justin Timblerlake—As If! and The One Now Free From Being Forced To Wear Funny Hats By Cruel Wardrobe Assistants on Wednesday night. [THR]
· HBO will air a concert featuring the real Timberlake (suck, it Richardson!), its first one in four years. [Variety]

Network Execs' Dart-Throwing Technique Leads To Unexpected Employment Windfall For Lee Majors

Seth — Tue, 10 Apr 2007 18:24:55 PDT

The LAT takes a look at the roughly 12,000 network pilots currently in development, trying to make sense of any trends that emerged from last season. What we know: Serialized storytelling is out, except when it's in; viewers love a heavy dose of lighthearted quirk with their hour-long, fashion-centric dramas; and the public's appetite for the plight of fundamentalist Christian sketch comedy actresses was vastly overestimated. There is also the predicament of the half-hour primetime comedy, a languishing format that can only claim Charlie Sheen paycheck-generator Two and a Half Men as its single entry in the Nielsen top 20. It's a problem executives have approached with the kind of no-fail solution that results in a grab-bag pilot crop littered with Geico Cavemen shows and Lee Majors's triumphant return to TV: Greenlight everything and hope someone laughs.

Of the 54 comedies in development, 16 are set in the workplace (à la "The Office" and "30 Rock"), and many are based on characters or ideas that seem fresh on the surface, at least, for the small screen.

Think "Cavemen" on ABC (yes, based on the popular Geico ads); "I'm With Stupid," about disabled people, on NBC; a heart-warming relationship between an American child and a Pakistani exchange student on "Aliens in America" on the CW; three siblings best described as "The Beverly Hillbillies" meets "The Swan" on "Stumps of Hollywood" on CBS; and Lee Majors playing himself in Fox's "Me & Lee?" the single-camera tale of Majors' obsession with bionics since "The Six Million Dollar Man" went off the air.

It seems as though desperate times call for overreaching measures. So if a Cro-Magnon race allegory doesn't scratch that "show me something I haven't seen"
itch, there's sure to be an equally outrageous option just a channel away—bold explorations into the comedic unknown such as the worlds of the disabled, Pakistani exchange students, drastically plastic-surgeried Miss Hathaway-types, and long-forgotten 1970s TV superheroes who aren't Lou Ferrigno.

[Photo: The Daily Ping]

TV pilots play for laughs [LAT]

Shows You Probably Haven't Watched Go Down In Network Slaughter

Mark — Tue, 03 Apr 2007 09:39:25 PDT

In what Var has dubbed Bloody Monday, but which we will counterdub Mercy-Killing Monday to emphasize the networks' compassionate desire to euthanize a handful of shows languishing in a Nielsen coma from which they are unlikely to ever awaken, Fox's The Wedding Bells, ABC's Six Degrees, The CW's 7th Heaven, and NBC's The Black Donnellys have all entered different phases of the always complex cancellation process. This morning, heavy-handed Donelleys creator Paul Haggis is using his pair of stolen Oscars to wipe away the tears he's shedding over the loss of his primetime baby, his pain compounded by Var's swift kick to the gut during this moment of vulnerability:

Despite a solid "Deal or No Deal" lead-in, last week's seg sank to third place in the 10 p.m. hour, losing even to the season finale of "What About Brian."

And thus is written The Black Donnellys' bitter epitaph: It couldn't even beat What About Brian. Unfortunately, Studio 60 fans can take no solace in Donnellys' speedy yanking from Studio's rightful, post-Heroes timeslot, which will go to The Real Wedding Crashers, a choice that is sure to sap Aaron Sorkin's will to elevate the medium as he joylessly completes the episodes that will fill out the Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip: The Complete First and Last Season DVD.

'Bells' stop ringing after seven episodes [CNN.com]
Networks clean house [Var]

Trade Round-Up: Leo And Marty Getting Together. Again.

Mark — Mon, 26 Mar 2007 14:00:01 PDT

· Pretty boy shingle fight! Warner Bros. and Leonardo DiCaprio's Appian Way defeat Paramount and Brad Pitt's Plan B for the rights to adapt upcoming autobiography The Wolf of Wall Street. The resulting project will allow for the continued collaboration of muse DiCaprio and master Martin Scorsese (is this whole thing creepy yet? Sort of, right?) at an undisclosed future point in the director's busy schedule. [Variety]
· Harry Potter stars Daniel Radcliffe, Rupert Grint, and Emma Watson are officially signed to do the last two movies in the franchise, allowing all pervs to feel closure about ~~our~~ their long-held feelings about how hot a (totally legal!) Hermione was going to be by the end of the saga. [THR]
· Short on original programming to celebrate with cheerful posters that might distract their
employees from the drudgery of their half-network existence, The CW has instead decided to commission some artwork to enliven their workplace. Pictured: an installation placed near the development department entitled, "We Will Splatter Your Fucking Brains On Your Cubicle Wall If You Don't Start Coming Up With Some Show Ideas, And Fast." [Variety]
· Bill Clinton admits that TV Land is the only thing that can dull the pain of loneliness while Hils is out on the campaign trail. [THR]
· The cash-strapped, East Coasted Daytime Emmy-givers of NATAS announce that winners will have to pay $350 each for their statuettes if there's more than one recipient in their category, while its West Coast counterpart promises to reimburse any Emmy victors from its jurisdiction unlucky enough to get stuck with a bill from their cheap peers. [Variety]

Santa Monica Bans 'Top Model' Bus Ads Over Concerns It May Send Wrong Message To Its Population Of Aspiring Starlets

Seth — Tue, 27 Feb 2007 16:40:25 PST

You may have noticed city bus ads rolling around town touting the latest season of America's Next Top Model. On it, host Tyra Banks poses dramatically by a waterfall, surrounded by the latest batch of aspiring models/ catfight - experts/ bi-curious lust-objects vying for the ANTM crown. (The photo is rendered all the more impressive when you consider that just out of camera range were approximately two dozen hungry alligators and a school of piranha hungrily snapping at the models' feet, as Mr. Jay shouted, "I don't care how many toes you have left! Look sexier!") The residents of Santa Monica, however, were none too pleased by the traveling hoochie-show on display:

Ads for the TV contest have been removed from the sides of the city's Big Blue Buses after residents complained. [...]
The city's director of transit services says most of the complaints came from people concerned that the city might be endorsing a show they find disrespectful to women.

The ad ban is sure to incur the wrath of Banks, who only recently cast herself as a latter-day Joan of Arc, set ablaze upon a cross of unretouched tabloid beach photos on behalf of voluptuously bootied women everywhere. That the residents of Santa Monica should be so protective of their daughters' fragile self-esteems as to censor The CW's promotional materials stands in stark contrast to the nearby community of Beverly Hills, where grassroots efforts on behalf of concerned citizens single-handedly enacted the historic Bimbos For Bustier Billboards legislation of 2003.

Santa Monica Pulls 'Top Model' Swimsuit Ads [CBS2.com]

Trade Round-Up: Screener Pirates Subdued; Hollywood Temporarily Safe From Financial Ruin

Mark — Wed, 06 Dec 2006 12:16:01 PST

Two people have been arrested for stealing an Academy member's awards screeners and illegally posting them online. The DA has yet to file charges, but is expected to ultimately deny the MPAA's request that the pirates be summarily stabbed in the kidneys and left to bleed to death on the sidewalk in front of the Kodak Theatre. [Variety]
ABC shuffles its Wednesday schedule, sacrificing new comedies Knights of Prosperity and In Case of Emergency to the Nielsen gods by putting them up against the return of American Idol, hoping that better-loved hit Lost might be spared their wrath in its new 10 pm timeslot. [THR]
George Clooney's production company tries to help re-ignite Hollywood's stalled love affair with legal thriller typist John Grisham, buying the movie rights to produce the book The Innocent Man: Murder and Justice in a Small Town for Warner Independent. [Variety]
The IATSE/WGA feud over reality jobs heats up, as IATSE president Thomas Short accuses the WGA of "irresponsibility and incompetence" for delaying producer talks. Only nine more months left of bickering over accusations of Guild posturing and de facto studio work stoppages! Enjoy them while they last. [THR]
The week in ratings: NBC takes the weekly 18-49 demo victory, The CW posts its strongest numbers yet, ABC has the week's most watched show, CBS remains the overall most watched network, and Fox is just happy they're not being beaten by Telemundo. [Variety]

Trade Round-Up: Fox Looks Into Feasibility Of Taking Thursday Nights Off For The Rest Of The Season

Mark — Fri, 03 Nov 2006 11:48:45 PST

Fox's post-World Series line-up is battered by all comers, with new sitcoms Til Death and Happy Hour begging to be put out of their Nielsen misery and the The OC bombing in the post-Coop era. And in a result that makes even NBC executives snicker, "Oh, that shit is embarrassing," Fox was beaten by Univision (who had the Latin Grammys) on the night. [Variety]
· Another way to describe The OC's premiere ratings is "awful." [THR]
Fox gives a series order to David E. Kelley's hour-long wedding planner drama The Wedding Store, which replaces previously announced series The Wedding Album and allows the network to maintain its FCC-mandated levels of nuptial-related programming. [Variety]
The relentlessly publicized Borat is finally opening in 837 theaters, with THR boldly predicting that there's no way the Kazakh can compete with The Santa Clause 3's multiplex-jamming release at 3,458 venues. [THR]
Because what television really needs is more sitcoms about emasculated men: The CW buys Beta Males, about "a trio of guys coping with their lives as domestic caretakers while their girlfriends and wives serve as the breadwinners." [Variety]

Don't Worry, We Don't Discriminate: All The Blonde Ones Look Alike As Well

Mark — Tue, 31 Oct 2006 14:31:25 PST

The Slug blog thinks it sees evidence of creeping Jordan McDeere-ism in fledgling network abomination The CW's hiring practices, throwing together this side-by-side-by-side to illustrate how current programming VP Gayle Hirsch and drama development VP Joanna Klein (or some combination thereof) resemble Studio 60's maverick NBS executive (who herself is supposedly based on ABC/NBC exec Jamie Tarses). Personally, we don't see it, even though we've always maintained that all brunette TV executives look alike (especially on Headshot Day), but we'll allow that we might be thrown off by both CW employees' impressive ability to muster more complex facial expressions in these liberally airbrushed photos than Amanda Peet has in five episodes' worth of appearances on her show.

Is The CW Imitating "Studio 60"? [The Slug]

Trade Round-Up: Brian Grazer To Spend Next Six Months Parading Around In A Windbreaker With 'FBI' On The Back

Mark — Fri, 22 Sep 2006 12:46:41 PDT

SAG looks to increase dues for the first time in seven years, a move that could put an unwelcome financial burden on your favorite bartender, valet parking attendant, or Starbucks barista in between slow-arriving residual checks. [Variety]
· On fledgling network The CW's premiere night, America's Next Top Model carries them to a win in the only demographic they truly care about, 18-34 year-olds, as the kids obviously put in the effort to figure out which channel is the new home of Tyra Banks' trademark sassiness. (Disclosure: We still have no idea what channel The CW landed on here in L.A. We suppose we'll figure it out eventually.) [THR]
· Adorably quirky superproducer Brian Grazer's Imagine TV is hooking up with the FBI to develop a drama about its role in the post-9/11 government. In the meantime, The Graze and his partners are hoping that new CBS series Shark will be a hit and make them incrementally richer. [Variety]
Justin Long will join Bruce Willis in the cast of the fourth Die Hard flick, Live Free or Die Hard, playing an obnoxious Mac enthusiast who scoffs at Willis' every frustrated attempt to download pictures from his digital camera onto his PC. [THR]
Thursday night ABC newcomer Grey's Anatomy defeats CBS timeslot stalwart CSI in both overall and key demographic viewership, leaving Les Moonves no choice but to promise his network affiliates that he plans on having the entire Grey's cast murdered by the end of the month. [Variety]

Trade Round-Up: 'Trapped In The Closet' Robbed At Creative Arts Emmys

Mark — Mon, 21 Aug 2006 13:13:12 PDT

Scientologists seize control of the Creative Arts Emmys, awarding the prime-time animation statue to The Simpsons over South Park's Tom Cruise-baiting "Trapped in the Closet" episode. Not particularly caring about the other races but wanting to generally recognize excellence in pay TV programming, the shadowy sect decided to give 17 Emmys to HBO. [Variety]
Marlon Wayans will star in the high-concept DreamWorks comedy Pretty Ugly, in which he'll play a "handsome lifetsyle mogul who wakes up hideously ugly because of a curse," and who, for reasons we will not even attempt to understand, must then disguise himself as a Caucasian baby for the remainder of the movie. [THR]
Pirates of the Carribean wins its seventh straight weekend at the international box office, but was edged out by Snakes on a Plane in the UK. [Variety]
Onetime The OC golden boy Josh Schwartz will once again get a chance to prove his gift for climbing into the minds of teenage girls by writing the pilot for a potential The CW series based on the Gossip Girl books. [THR]
While other networks have begun showing episodes of their series on their own websites the day after they air, Fox is dumping the streaming duties on their local affiliates. [Variety]

Trade Round-Up: Hollywood Still Making Peace WIth Possible Loss Of Gift Bags

Mark — Fri, 18 Aug 2006 13:28:02 PDT

Sundance organizers are "thrilled" that the IRS is cracking down on gift bags, while recently re-elected AMPAS president Sid Ganis is sweetly naive about how the crackdown might affect A-list actors' desire to show up at the Oscars and read bad awards presentation Telepromtper copy: "Presenters appear on our show because they want to be part of the Academy Awards, to help us celebrate our art form." [Variety]
The CW assures its affiliates that it has an unspecified "contingency plan" for America's Next Top Model should labor disputes continue past the 13 already-produced episodes of this "cycle," consisting mostly of stopping the camera and shouting at the contestants, "We're gonna cut off your bottled water allowance if you skinny bitches don't do something interesting right now.". [THR]
Will nearly a solid year of online hype boost Snakes on a Plane to a huge opening, or just an OK, B-horror-movie one? That's the motherfucking million dollar question, isn't it? [Variety]
NBC files a complaint with the National Labor Relations Board claiming the WGA has instructed showrunners to refuse to provide material for webisodes, believing that existing contracts allow them to bleed writers for as much web material as they please. [THR]
The "Disco Duck" guy is returning to L.A. radio. Please refrain from soiling yourself from excitement. [Variety]

Kristen Bell Nowhere Near Death After Not Serious Accident

Seth — Thu, 10 Aug 2006 19:33:50 PDT

Kristen Bell was rushed to a hospital today, but there will be no need for the Veronica Mars star's fans to hold small, candlelight vigils around the country: Their prayers have already been answered, as doctors have delivered the miracle diagnosis that she hasn't broken anything after accidentally slamming her car door on her hand.

Actress Kristen Bell was rushed to the hospital on Wednesday, Access Hollywood confirmed.
However, according to a spokesperson for the actress, she is now doing fine.

"Kristen smashed her hand in a car door and was afraid she'd broken a bone, but luckily didn't and is fine now," the spokesperson told Access.

As celebrity medical non-emergencies go, you'd be hard pressed to beat Access Hollywood's sensational headline, "Kristen Bell's Hospital Scare," though a recent Entertainment Tonight report by Maria Menounos, entitled "Alexis Bledel's Courageous Battle With A Non-Hodgkins Hangnail," used language that was arguably even more exploitative.

Kristen Bell's Hospital Scare [AccessHollywood.com]

Hollywood ProtestWatch: Top Model Striker Ejected From Nordstrom

Mark — Thu, 10 Aug 2006 16:06:47 PDT

America's Next Top Model's striking writers are still picketing outside the show's offices, but one protesting scribe found that the acrimony persists even in the neutral zone represented by The Grove, our fair city's leading, artificially sweetened retail fantasyland. One might hope that host Tyra Banks and the people who toil to give her something to say between eruptions of "that's fierce" could coexist peacefully outside the boundaries of the conflict, but according to this report on the strikers' MySpace blog, all the world's a battlefield:

This is the craziest coincidence ever! I was at the Grove mall [yesterday]. I was done picketing for the day, and there was going to be a concert there sponsored by the CW that I wanted to check out. I ended up getting there way early, and went window shopping in Nordstrom.
After a few minutes of perusing the shoe department, I notice a group of people gathered around none other than Tyra Banks! And here I am in my handwritten "America's Next Top Model writer on strike" T-shirt! I was trying to move around to the front of where Tyra and her fans were, hoping she would see me. Within seconds, however, a guy dressed all in black with a headset on kicked me out of the store! I was just standing there! So, I left and as I did I heard him say into his mouthpiece "don't let that girl back in." Unbelievable!

I always had a positive opinion of Tyra, but that is being tested lately. First, remaining silent about whether she supports her writers or not. Now this. I just dont know.

While we're sure that Banks and her people weren't going to take a chance that a disgruntled writer might suddenly attempt to bludgeon the host with a reduced-price pump and inflict hundreds of dollars in hair-extension damage, they could've at least been a little more subtle in their methods. Having a salesgirl hover nearby the striker, click her tongue at the writer's homemade top, then rudely suggest that someone who might be about to lose her job probably can't afford anything in Nordstrom's might have been enough to get her to leave the store before excessive strong-arm tactics became necessary.

Bonus To Do link: The ANTM strikers are staging a fan appreciation event at the picket site tomorrow, complete with sympathetic models from the show and a "special celebrity guest appearance" by a hissing cockroach. We'll leave it up to you to supply the Janice Dickinson joke.

TYRA BANKS' people kicked me out of Nordstroms today!!! [Myspace/topmodelunion]

Trade Round-Up: The CW To Conduct No-Talent Search For Next Pusscycat Doll

Mark — Wed, 02 Aug 2006 12:34:26 PDT

· Bravely ignoring the fact that no one has cared about the Pussycat Dolls since "Don't Cha" was licensed out for a series of feminine hygiene ads late last year inquiring if women harbored secret, envious wishes that their "douche was fresh like me," The CW will enable The Search for the Next Pussycat Doll, which is exactly what you think it is: a reality show ripping off both Idol and Top Model. [Variety]
· Universal moves the comedy Accepted to August 18th, hoping that confused males between the ages of 18-30 will mistakenly wander into theaters showing the movie while looking for Snakes on a Plane. [THR]
· CNN finds that Israel's invasion of Lebanon is great for ratings. If only there were a joke to be made about Mel Gibson's thoughts on war and Jews... [Variety]
· Sensing an opportunity to bring pictures and full-motion video of famous people to television for the first time, Warner Bros. Telepictures mulls rushing a TV version of TMZ.com into syndication. [B&C]
· New Bond girl Eva Green gets a gig playing "the queen of witches" in The Golden Compass. No word on whether this witch-queen has a penchant for gratuitous nudity, so our excitement is muted until more facts are gathered. [Variety]

Hollywood ProtestWatch: Striking Writers Enlist Ringer Model Picketer

Mark — Tue, 25 Jul 2006 18:51:23 PDT

The Defamer Special Correspondent On Sneaky Protest Tactics has filed this brief report on the ongoing writers' strike at America's Next Top Model, complete with photographs documenting how the picketers have resorted to enlisting some ringer T&A to draw some attention to their cause:

So Day 3 of "Strikewatch '06" (as NBC4 News will undoubtedly want to call it, so I'm trademarking the phrase today) and there've been no meetings or negotiations to this point.
But the Top Model writers, in a strategic move, brought out the big guns (or little guns if you're a boob guy). Former ANTM contestant Lisa D'Amato was out there today walking the picket line. And she also used the opportunity to show the writers the "proper" way to walk a picket line - apparently you have to chant in time with the hip sway. Who knew?

Another photo of the attractive woman holding picket signs is after the jump, should you want to fall into the striking writers' clever trap.

Hollywood ProtestWatch: Writers Vs. Top Models [Defamer]

Hollywood ProtestWatch: Writers Vs. Top Models

Mark — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 16:19:42 PDT

Our request for photos of the WGA protest outside the America's Next Top Model offices did not go unheeded, as a faithful operative in the area supplied us with this picture of the red army of reality show writers stirring up attention for their attempts to unionize. We're a little disappointed that no one's yet burned Tyra Banks in effigy, for there could hardly be a more potent symbol of coming revolution than Banks' iconic weave aflame, but at least someone tried to deliver the goods on a picket sign. The one featured here is partially obscured, but we think we can extrapolate the catchy slogan "Models Don't Eat—But My Family Needs To" from what's visible. Not bad, but maybe they can borrow a sympathetic Guild sitcom writer for a little punch-up if the strike drags on.

UPDATE: More protest pics after the jump.

Reality Writers Protesting Tyra Banks' 'Top Model' Sweatshop [Defamer]

Reality Writers Protesting Tyra Banks' 'Top Model' Sweatshop

Mark — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 11:25:44 PDT

Today's LAT reports on yesterday's brief writer walk-out over at the offices of American's Next Top Model, a protest over the show's refusal to allow the people who coax coherent storylines out of Tyra Banks' sassy eye-rolls and Janice Dickinson's batshit ramblings to join the Writers Guild:

The dispute comes at a delicate time for the new CW network, which is relying on the hit reality show created by supermodel Tyra Banks to dress up its inaugural lineup.
The series debuts Sept. 20 on the CW, forged by CBS Corp. and Warner Bros. Television from the remnants of the WB and UPN networks. Only the first few episodes have been completed for the series' seventh cycle.

In a low-key protest outside their West Los Angeles offices, the writers wore red "United We Stand" T-shirts with the writers guild's logo and handed out fliers titled "Free to Be Union? Not at the CW's America's Next Top Model," a play on the network's motto, "Free to Be."

Yesterday's "low-key" event was obviously just a warm-up for today's action, as we're told that picketers are already noisily protesting outside the ANTM offices and plan on being there all day. It should go without saying that we welcome any reports on the melee, especially those that involve cameraphone photography of sandwich board and picket-sign copy decrying Tyra Banks as a sweatshop foreman.

'Next Top Model' Writers Threaten Strike [LAT]

Short Ends: Hot Pages, Insecure Directors, And Drug Abuse

Mark — Tue, 18 Jul 2006 20:40:00 PDT

· In addition to revolutionizing the field of network color coordination with its dazzling green, um, everything, The CW is also already doing fine work in the area of hiring hot pages.
· Justin Timberlake admits to "dabbling" in drugs; we admit to "abusing" them to get through his horrible new single.
· And speaking of drugs, we are happy to present director Oliver Stone, who never met a hallucinogen he didn't like.
· M. Night Shyamalan opens mouth, sounds like hypersensitive jackass: "What I've watched in other careers is that when there's an early success that was not preordained—it just happened, you know?—there's a long period of earning that respect. And so there's a great suspicion that hangs over you for a long time. With the media, I'm saying. You know what I mean? And so they're like, 'No, he's not the real thing. He's not the real thing.' You know, maybe one day when I'm an old man they'll be like, 'All right.' But maybe they won't. Maybe they won't, you know?"
· The onset of World War III really fucked up Macaulay's vacation.

Trade Round-Up: 'Superman' Huge In That One Theater In Shanghai

Mark — Tue, 18 Jul 2006 12:29:51 PDT

· Superman Returns finds a record that Pirates hasn't yet claimed, winning the one-day, one-venue Chinese box office prize for hauling in $19,360 at a Shanghai Imax theater. [Variety]
Spike Lee signs an exclusive deal to develop a one-hour drama for NBC, prompting an NBC Universal TV Studio exec to gush, "And what's really exciting is to see his enthusiasm for television. He's already come in with so many powerful ideas," which in turn prompts us to wonder if his movie career's a little slow at the moment. [THR]
· Scarlett Johansson finally chews through her restraints in Woody Allen's dungeon, slipping through the wizened auteur's clutches to star in The Other Boleyn Girl for another director. [Variety]
In a much-needed triumph of tasteful corporate branding over tradition, the U.S. Comedy Arts Festival in Aspen is renamed the HBO Comedy Festival. [THR]
The CW will begin its life as a network with a couple of days of reruns, giving slow viewers a chance to figure out where their favorite WB or UPN shows now live. [Variety]

Heidi Klum-Obsessed Past Haunts 'Gilmore Girls' Showrunner At TCAs

Mark — Tue, 18 Jul 2006 10:57:09 PDT

Things got a little tense at a TCA panel for The CW's fall schedule yesterday afternoon when a reporter, obviously still disoriented by the network's media-distracting visual assault, violated a sacrosanct rule of the press tour: While a show's star is politely dodging questions about her issues with how her character had been written recently, you do not ask her new showrunner about the time he left his wife to write a play about how badly he wanted to copulate with Heidi Klum. Reports the LAT:

But the high—or rather low point—came when one scribe asked [showrunner David] Rosenthal about his reported "obsession" with supermodel Heidi Klum. A New York Observer piece in 2001 reported that Rosenthal the previous year had left his wife, became estranged from his colleagues, gave money to strangers and wrote a play that indicated his fixation on Klum. The reporter asked Rosenthal if he was really the appropriate person to run the lighthearted family-oriented "Gilmore Girls."
"My personal life is not an issue here," Rosenthal replied with a shaken voice. "I'm here to talk about 'The Gilmore Girls,' "

When the reporter pressed, [Lauren] Graham snapped "That has nothing to do with anything. Next question."

It seems Graham's protective admonishment shamed the assembled press into falling back into their polite roles, leaving completely valid follow-up questions about Rosenthal's opinions on the new season of Project Runway, or about the possibility of a three-episode arc featuring Klum as Graham's troubled, nymphomaniac sister who's obsessed with bedding sitcom writers, unasked. We suppose we'll have to wait for the next Gilmore Girls media event to have these important queries answered to our satisfaction.

Tensions mount with "Gilmore Girls" [LAT]
Previously: New 'Gilmore Girls' Showrunner Was Heidi Klum's #1 Fan [Defamer]