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knights of hubbard
Tom Cruise And Katie Holmes Throw Bash For Everyone In Hollywood Who Secretly Hates Them, Including Suri
When the Count and Countess of Scientology throw a party, they do not set out plastic lawn chairs and serve crustless honey-drenched finger sandwiches. No, when TomKat decide to invite all of their friends and frenemies (and even some enemies!) over for a daytime soirée, the Knights of Hubbard throw the kind of party that puts everyone from the Royal Family to Donatella Versace to shame. On Saturday afternoon, TomKat decided to congratulate themselves on purchasing yet another of their many
defamer photo essay
Katie Holmes' Attempt To Flee The Scientology Kingdom: A Tragedy In Three Parts
Looks like it’s time to reopen the case of Suri Cruise and the Toxic Scientology Bottles. After seeing this photo of Katie Holmes and her tiny dancer, we couldn’t help but notice the presence of an actual sippy cup. Why is this news so glorious? You see, most babies tend to go from nipple to bottle to sippy cup to the wine glass you’re currently holding. But Hubbard's Parenting Book tells Scientology moms like Holmes to rot their kids' teeth with honey instead, a method Holmes had been following obediently. But before we could celebrate Suri's freedom and Katie's long-awaited rebellion against Overlord Tom and his disco-dancing minions, Cruise suddenly descended on their escape attempt clutching an asbestos-stuffed rabbit that made Suri cry. The dramatic series of events, in pictures, after the jump. More »
Baby's First Crush
Suri Cruise's Favorite Things: Toxic Bottles, Boys Named Brooklyn And High-Kicking Has-Beens
We hate to rain on Tom Cruise’s purity parade, but it seems his bundle of Hubbard Formula-chugging joy, Suri Cruise, has gone seriously gaga for two older men. And she’s got the giggles to show it. While babysitting for all three Beckham boys as David bent it like...well, lost to the visiting team, Tom and Katie brought finger-nibbling Suri along to watch. But the blanketed Cruiselette only had eyes for one guy: and he goes by Brooklyn Beckham. Tom did seem more interested in setting up Suri with the littlest Beckham (Cruz Beckham! Just picturing future Scientology couple Suri Cruise and Cruz Beckham likely made Tom's removable head spin with possibilities), Suri couldn’t keep her eyes off 9-year old Brooklyn. But earlier last week while still in NY, TomKat attended Suri’s favorite musical, and we have a feeling fellow Scientologist John Travolta’s role in the movie version had nothing to do with her ear-to-ear grin while leaving: a certain song-and-dancing Efronabbe got her all shook up... More »
scientology
cult religion who used "Hubbard's baby formula," only to wind up with "thin and colicky" toddlers that had their "baby teeth destroyed" and "screamed themselves to death." But as the defiant Remini says in this clip, "I could see her drinkig a bottle 'til she's 16." More details on Hubbard's toxic formula that was developed using methods from Ancient Rome (!!!) after the jump.
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Are Scientology Moms Katie Holmes And Leah Remini Feeding Their Kids Toxic 'Hubbard's Formula'?
We've become just about as well-versed as we want to when it comes to the bizarre practices of Scientologists, which run the gamut from silent birth to e-meters. But after hearing that Katie Holmes' precious little Suri is still on the baby bottle even after turning 2 years old, and that fellow Scientologist mommy Leah Remini's "sweet witty pain in the ass" 3-year old Sophia still drinks six bottles a night, we discovered some disturbing tales from other members of the
knights of hubbard
Jerry Seinfeld Now Topping TomKat's Scientology Recruitment List As Cruise Family Takes Manhattan
Back in October of 2006, Vanity Fair shocked us all by nabbing the first family photos of until-then MIA Suri Cruise, the tiny Xenuphobic bundle of joy Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes had masterfully kept hidden months after her no-screaming-allowed birth. Why were we shocked? Accusations from both the press and the masses flooded the public narrative claiming little Suri looked nothing like Tom or Katie, some going so far as to claim the pregnancy was faked. But after the Knights of Hubbard spent this past weekend in New York with Suri in tow, it's become clear to us that Suri is quite obviously a real-live Cruise. The pictures that convinced us, along with details on which stars the Cruises spent time
knights of hubbard
The Beckhams Are Back On Tom Cruise's Approved Friend List
Last week, Victoria Beckham celebrated her 34th birthday alongside new friends Eva Longoria and Kate Beckinsale, but supposed close friends Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes were nowhere to be seen. Naturally, we presumed that this was either a result of Tom's edict for Katie to stop spending so much time with Posh or an early warning sign that Team Cruise's controlling ways were too much for the Beckhams to handle. But at last night's star-studded birthday party for Posh, not only were Tom and Katie in attendance, but her Katie's choice of gown left us wondering if her curious absence earlier in the week was simply a means to hide the fact that Suri Jr. could possibly be on the way. More »
hairy situations
Katie Holmes Haircut Turns Cruise Family Into Identical Triplets
Before her marriage to Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes was not considered to be much of a fashion chameleon. Her Dawson's Creek era hairstyle — an unassuming, just-out-of-bed look — matched her sense of style, and there was no reason for her to frequently change her look to keep up with the times. But then came Tom. And Suri. And Posh. And suddenly, Katie's "look" was something to be observed, altering rapidly with each life change, and now, her brand-new page boy cut is a certifiable oddity. We put together a montage of the various styles that Katie has undergone in the last two years; strangely enough, as her hair has gotten shorter and shorter, her transformation has resulted in an eerie resemblance to both Tom's silky cut and little Suri's bob. More »
scientology the musical
Katie Holmes To Attempt That Whole Acting Thing Once Again, This Time On Broadway
After trying and failing to lure tabloid favorites like Nicole Richie and K-Fed to the Broadway stage, producers on the Great White Way have apparently reverted to seeking out stars with actual acting experience. The Daily Mail reports that Katie Holmes is in final negotiations to play a major role in Arthur Miller's classic All My Sons, opposite Broadway heavy hitters Dianne Weist and John Lithgow. But will Katie's performance top one former Mrs. Cruise's naked cartwheels from exactly one decade ago? More »
triumphant returns
Queen Latifah Recalls The Familiar Smell Of Tom Cruise And Diapers Pervading The 'Mad Money' Set At Last Night's Premiere
In case you missed it, yesterday was Katie Holmes's Big Night—an evening to celebrate the Katie of long ago, famous not for suspicious pregnancies and dead-eyed Cruisian servitude, but for the skillful way she was once able to memorize words in scripts, and then perform those words in front of cameras. In other words, it was the premiere of Holmes's new movie, Mad Money. Arriving with her extremely proud, extremely touchy, extremely ever-present husband, Extra was on hand to document every moment of the full-time mom's triumphant return to the silver screen:
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Not only has the producer of CGI-animated megahit Garfield offered the Berlin Zoo $5 million to turn the story of snuggly German superstar Knut The Tragically Rejected Polar Bear Cub into a family-friendly blockbuster, but he's dreaming big about casting the potential voiceover talent after being inspired by a certain celebrity toddler's recent visit to the animal's home: "I see the heartwarming relationship between Knut and his caretaker, Thomas Doerflein at the center of the movie ... Suri [Cruise] could speak the English voice of Knut." Though it would seem a natural fit to try and also attach Suri's proud stage father as the caretaker, the producer for now is limiting his casting ambitions to the youngest member of the Cruise clan because, "I think we all need to see how the public reacts to Tom's performance in Valkyrie before offering him another role as one of Germany's national heroes. If he can't pull off the Nazi-hunter gig convincingly, we don't want that tainting our Knut project." [People.com]
powerbabies
'Forbes' Ranks Hollywood's Most Powerful People In Diapers Who Aren't Sumner Redstone
Hot on the heels of their merciless takedown of Tinseltown's most overpaid, the intrepid list-makers at Forbes are turning to the tots as they ask: Who's really the most influential drooling, mute, self-soiling celebrity baby? Lest you think this is some sort of metaphor, let us present—Hollywood's Most Influential Infants. You might think that ranking babies is too insane to be quantifiable, but rest assured that Forbes used an infallible algorithm in their computations:
"To determine which tykes were tops, we looked at both Web presence and press clippings for more than 50 A-list offspring (5 years old and younger) over the course of a year.More »
how fake babies are made
Baby-Napping Accusations Mar Tom Cruise Celebration
Though Museum of the Moving Image honoree Tom Cruise escaped a NY dinner celebrating his cinematic accomplishments without being mercilessly roasted by his important friends (apparently, nobody there could be bothered to bring their best "Hitler haircut" or "he who smelt the mystery fart, dealt it" material), a former co-star did manage to shock the event's attendees with this disturbing anecdote from the set of Magnolia, as reported by Rush & Molloy: More »
childhood development dept.
Suri Cruise: The First Eighteen Months
In a refreshing change from the depressing procession of portraits of early-childhood neglect and despair recently adorning the magazine's covers, Us Weekly switches gears to spotlight the development of Suri Cruise, Hollywood's Happiest-Seeming Toddler™. But while raising an 18-month-old genetically engineered by Scientology's top baby-fabricating technicians to unquestioningly obey its parental custodians might seems like an easy task, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes still find themselves needing the guidance contained in Dianetics Chapter XVII Sec (c), "On the Emotional Maintenance and Discipline of Your New Child-Unit." Says Us:
Additionally, Holmes, 29, and Cruise, 45, have a hard time saying no to Suri. But it's not simply because they're pushovers.More »
short ends
Checking In With America's Favorite Crazy-In-Love Astronaut
· Remember, Lisa Marie Nowak, adult-undergarment-wearing, crazy-in-love astronaut? When Toni Collette finally gets the call for Breaking Orbit: The Lisa Marie Nowak Story, this clip of her asking to be freed of her cumbersome electronic ankle monitor will help the actress more fully inhabit the surefire Emmy-winning role.
· "Hey, that Hannah Montana show/Law & Order: Criminal Intent episode sounds a lot like my idea for a secret-rockstar-in-high-school show/third-place-winning script contest entry!" say aggrieved writers in different stages of the tilting-at-studio-windmills process.
· Don't watch this if you'd like to avoid seeing moving images of Jack Nicholson eating a sandwich while shirtless.
· The Dirty Sanchez crew is including a barf bag with their DVDs; don't be surprised if their stateside competitors decide to up the ante by packaging a fart mask in a special directors' cut of Jackass 2.
· The world held its breath when Katie Holmes nearly fumbled Suri while twisting an ankle in Paris, but quickly exhaled once it saw that her omnipresent baby-retention team was on hand to make sure no harm could come to the infant.
