Our Advertisers Weren't Fooled By Anne Hathaway's Shady Ex

Our Advertisers Are Withdrawing Their Names From Emmy Consideration, Too

Our Advertisers Aren't Going To Promote 'The Hulk', Either

Our Advertisers Don't Know Who Abel Ferrara Is, Either

Our Advertisers Are Quite Happy For Clay Aiken

Defamer Advertisers Make Us Want To Gnaw On Our Undies

We'd like to take this moment to treat our sponsors to a photo of us suggestively chewing on the bottom of our T-shirt, wearing nothing below the belt but a pair of red lace panties. Why? 'Cause they're hot! Are you hot? Then you should probably go here, where you'll find information on everything you need to do to receive your own special delivery.

Special thanks to: American Express, AT&T, Chili’s, City of Thieves, E!, Honda Fit, Jet Blue, MGM Grand Foxwoods, Unscrew America, and Uwishunu.

Our Advertisers Skipped 'Speed Racer', Too

Even Our Sponsors Are Ga-Ga For Robert Downey Jr.

Our Advertisers Think There Are Far Better Vacation Destinations Than Gold Base

Our Advertisers Aren't Impressed By Jason Segel's Wang

Our Advertisers Haven't Seen The Alleged Marilyn Monroe Sex Tape Either

Our Sponsors Aren't Going To Follow Nick Stevens To Endeavor

Our Sponsors Would Not Tell The Same Jokes On Back-To-Back Nights

Unlike John Hughes, Our Advertisers Are Not In Hiding

Much like John Hughes, our advertisers are proud of the work that they have accomplished over the years. Unlike Mr. Hughes, though, they are both willing and able to talk about their successes with their respective fan bases. If you would like to join this esteemed group of proud companies, all of the requisite information can be found here.

Special thanks to American Apparel, Avenue Q, Battlestar Galactica, Converse, CNBC, Mini, New York Times Travel, Redken, Register.com, Showtime and Unscrew America.

Defamer Advertisers Would Take The Extra Time To Color Your Crack Green For St. Patrick's Day

Ah, Defamer sponsors: You're our favorite addictions, like tiny pots of gold sitting at the end of a glass pipe rainbow. If you'd like to push your goods onto our upwardly mobile readers (yes, even professionals and homemakers!), everything you need is right here.

Thanks to: American Apparel, Avenue Q, Battlestar Galactica, Converse, Dotspotter, Hachette Books, Mini, Redken, Register.com, Unscrew America.

Defamer Advertisers Will Never Leak Your Sex Tape

We take now a moment to acknowledge Defamer advertisers, whom we trust like an old, familiar lover, and who would never allow the intimate photoset we allowed them to take of us to ever leave their hands. If you'd like to sponsor your way into our pants, everything you need to know is right here.

Thanks to: American Apparel, Avenue Q, Battlestar Galactica, Converse, Dotspotter, Hachette Books, Mini, Redken, Register.com, Unscrew America.

Our Advertisers Would Never Hire Anthony Pellicano

Our advertisers have no reason to contract a private investigator with questionable morals to clean up their dirty laundry because, frankly, they don't have any dirty laundry in need of cleaning. If you'd like to join this list of companies who are upstanding, scandal-free members of society, everything you need to know can be found on this page.

Special thanks to: Alaska Airlines, American Apparel, Dotspotter, Hachette Books, Kenneth Cole, Mini, Redken, Register.com, Unscrew America and Uwushunu.com.

Our Advertisers Won't Be Duped By Unreliable Sources

Unlike certain websites that shall remain nameless, all of our advertisers are reliable, dependent and totally tight with the Jerry Seinfeld camp. They would never dream of going to press with an exclusive without sourcing it properly first. If you'd like to join this list of companies who are on the up and up, everything you need to know can be found on this page.

Special thanks to: Alaska Airlines, Crown Publishing, Kenneth Cole, Mini, Redken, Register.com, Toyota Yaris, Uwushunu.com.