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Heavily Vetted: Though rumors are flying about the vice presidential pick that candidate John McCain is set to announce tomorrow morning, it seems that The Hills ingenue Heidi Montag has already let the cat out of the bag. "I am McCain's vice president!" the avowed Republican exclaimed to OK!, adding, "Go team!" Montag is a dark horse candidate to be sure, though in boyfriend Spencer Pratt, she comes with her very own Karl Rove figure. While Lauren, Lo, and Audrina have the most to lose from this possible vice presidency, they're not the only ones likely to greet this news by barricading themselves behind the banquettes at Boulevard 3. In a McCain/Montag administration, you see, we will all be prisoners of war. [OK!]
Mean Girls
'The Hills': 5 Reasons We Can't Get Behind Lo Anymore
Though it pains us to say this, we think we may be over Lo Bosworth, the incipient villainess of The Hills' fourth season. When we first met Lo, she was amongst the most breezy members of Hills forerunner Laguna Beach, but there's no place for cute quips on The Hills when out-and-out bitchery will win the day. That, ultimately, is what makes Lo's transformation all the more frustrating — though she has settled into her role as Audrina's archrival for their friend Lauren's attention, her irritating machinations are actually making us root for the blank blogger (and that's saying a lot). With the help of Molly McAleer, we pored over last night's episode and put together a list of the top five reasons we simply can't support Lo anymore. Lo, you're on notice: we're officially frienemies now. [MTV]
Hills of Green
Leaked, Lucrative 'Hills' Salaries Prompt a Flurry of Texted OMG's
We've learned a lot about MTV over the past week, and now, thanks to In Touch, we've discovered just how big a paycheck the network will write for spouting banal words of wisdom and emotionally abusing your TV girlfriend. Yes, someone has leaked the per-episode salaries for each personality on The Hills, and never have so many earned so much for doing so little. Star Lauren Conrad is the biggest grosser (pulling down $75,000 each time a curious Whitney asks, "So what went down last weekend?") but the rest of the cast earns a pretty penny, too. Salaries and analysis after the jump: More »
the hills
Spencer Pratt's Five-Part Guide to Being the Worst Boyfriend on Televison
While The Hills returned to MTV last night with all the girl-on-girl drama and awkward pauses we've come to know and love, it was the Heidi-and-Spencer subplot that gained most of our attention. Sure, the storyline seemed simple on its face — Heidi's sister comes to stay with the pair, a development that forces Spencer to grit his teeth — but beneath the surface, Spencer's passive aggression was at full blast. With the help of Molly McAleer, we've assembled five moments from last night's episode that best illustrate Spencer's unique approach to controlling the woman in your life. When Heidi's cry for help comes, will we hear it — or it will be buried under ProTools? [MTV]
Wishful Thinking
Heidi Montag Gifts Blog Commenters By Titling New Song 'Overdosin'
While The Hills star Audrina Patridge launched an exciting, product placement-filled blog during her summer vacation, costar Heidi Montag has mostly laid low, content to let boyfriend Spencer Pratt soak up the slings and arrows for a few months. Now, with the season four premiere set to air on MTV tonight, Montag has emerged like a gator from the water, opening her fearsome jaw not to chomp on some unlucky water fowl but to let fly the synthesized tones of her brand-new single, "Overdosin'" (excerpted after the jump!). Says Us Weekly:"Overdosin'" is about "when you fall in love with someone... and [you're] just overdosing off of their love," she said on Ryan Seacrest's KIIS-FM morning show.More »
Reviews
Lost 'Siskel and Ebert' Review Elevates 'The Hills' to Ranks of the Critically Acclaimed
A memorial rummage through the Siskel and Ebert At the Movies archives over the weekend turned up a never-before-seen clip making their program's recent dissolution all the more lamentable. To wit, behold the critical duo in their prime, debating the merits of the then fledgling MTV series The Hills. "The movie paints a tragic picture of mindless, aimless, violent and destructive behavior," Ebert notes, nevertheless endorsing the saga as a trenchant read of contemporary youth culture. His late partner Gene Siskel concurred, clearly challenged by the "hyperrealism" of its internecine 20-something Hollywood warfare and Spencer Pratt's complex douchebaggery; in their squirms and haunted eyes, the two bring an emotional resonance likely to stop miles short of new At the Movies hosts Ben Lyons and Ben Mankiewicz. And so what if Siskel and Ebert's insights sound suspiciously like those from their 1995 review of Kids? Greatness makes its own coincidence. [Songs About Buildings and Food via Fimoculous]
Lists
Three Reasons Why We Donât Think Mary-Kate Olsen Needs To Go âBack To Rehabâ
The upcoming issue of Star breathlessly reports that Spencer Pratt Attack ringleader and excellent on-screen kisser Mary-Kate Olsen might be headed back to the floral pastures of celebrity rehab any day now. The mag's sources cite a quasi-recent âcollapseâ outside an LA club, ongoing depression over her âloverâ Heath Ledgerâs sudden death, and brewing tension between MK and her more low-key twin, Ashley. But, as we pointed out earlier this month, the twinsetâs more rebellious (and interesting) half is on a roll. After appearing on her first Elle cover solo, starring in a critically praised indie movie and, of course, teaming up with David Letterman in a campaign to destroy everyoneâs most hated reality villain, Mary-Kate hasnât shown any signs of crumbling. We took a closer look at this alleged collapse, the odds that Ledger and the itty bitty billionaire were in any way involved romantically, just how grave the tiny twosomeâs differences are, and came up with three reasons why we donât buy it. More »
The Clip Show
Swindlers, Sex Tapes And Coreys
· Things we learned at the Los Angeles Film Festival this week. School Of Rock 2 isn't a pipe dream. Guillermo del Toro isn't going to milk The Hobbit. Women deserve equal talk show hosting rights, too. Nobody wanted to make Animal House. Chris Carter is as secretive as ever. Did somebody order stake?
· The battle between the Paps and the Surfs was kinda like the Greasers versus the Socs, only with the newly blackberry-less Matthew McConaughey playing the role of Dally. But what of the rematch?
· Mini-Me showed the world his mini-me, which should help him knock down that large tax debt.
· Raffaello Follieri, Anne Hathaway's sketchball ex, got pinched for attempting to defraud God. A judge set bail at $21 million, but who's gonna take care of the dog?
· Mary Kate Olsen de-pruned herself long enough to convince Dave Letterman that her old arch enemy Spencer Pratt is, indeed, a prat.
· No one was safe as we counted down the Hollywood's Top Ten Worst Kissers.
· Wall-E manged to get fatties and Republicans up in arms without saying a word.
· Whoa, who raped the Coreys? One mystery solved, one to go.
· AC Slater found himself embroiled in Chesthairgate.
· The Emasculation of Joshua continued, as Katherine Heigl used her whipped husband as an ashtray and made him curl her hair. Joshua did not escape unscathed.
· You can ongratulate Jason Bateman on the impending Arrested Development movie, but be sure you don't bring up pregnant teens.
· We had a dream. We had an awesome dream. Mainly b/c it was filled with lesbian werewolves.
·: Noted blog-hater Patrick Goldstein entered the blogosphere. We can only guess how many of his 1,100 pageviews came from his IP address.
· Which groovy comedy superstar is openly courting other men to touch his monkey? Perhaps they should frequent the Fox and Sony lots?
· Shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker, tits. We'll miss you, George.
Hollywood Wars
Mary-Kate Olsen Vs. Spencer Pratt: The Backstory Behind Their War Of Words
Right on the heels of Mary-Kate Olsenâs passive aggressive jabs at ex-classmate and David Letterman punching bag Spencer Pratt last night, the professional Hollywood sleazeball has promptly retaliated by releasing a few downright cruel and unoriginal insults to Us today. As Pratt tells the weekly:
âI don't really get why she'd use my name to get press for her little indie film that no one's going to see...I know I've made it in Hollywood when a famous troll is talking about me on Letterman...I forgive her, though. She's had to go through life as the less cute twin, which must be tough."
As the war between actual working actress Olsen and reality trash-talker Pratt heats up, we dug up evidence that this battle has a much longer history than we thought. After the jump, the sordid high-school photo scandal that sparked the Olsen vs. Pratt battle years ago.
More »
Pratt Attack
Mary-Kate Olsen Joins David Letterman In Taking Down Spencer Pratt One 'Oily' Insult At A Time
Mary-Kate Olsen is en fuego these days. First she proved that sheâs able to smile without looking like Renee Zellweger, then her Wackness co-star Ben Kingsley announced she is quite the siren when it comes to on-screen kissing skills, and now sheâs teamed up with David Letterman to slowly and swiftly decapitate Hills villain Spencer Pratt. On Daveâs couch to plug her film, MKO's stoner voice waxed rhapsodically about her hippiefest of a birthday celebration at Bonaroo, and what it was like to, as Dave put it, âkiss a really old guy.â But things turned far more interesting after Olsen slyly inserted the robotic nobody Pratt into the conversation. And Dave couldnât have been more pleased. Hear what MK had to reveal about going to high school with Pratt, and join us in applauding her ability to spark an insult-laden bout of commentary from Dave regarding the âwormy,â âoilyâ Pratt. More »
heroes
David Letterman Heroically Bitch-Slaps Spencer Pratt For All Of Us
Watching Dave Letterman sucker-punch Hills axis of vapidity Spencer Pratt on The Late Show Friday night brought up one major question for us: why has it taken this long for a talking head to publicly shame the guylighted villain? Shilling, we presume, merely for the gruesome brand that is Spencer and Heidi, the numb and pathological Pratt answered a few very pointed questions regarding the MTV showâs obvious scripted nature and what exactly Bromance nobody Brody Jenner does for a living. At that point, Letterman finally pulled out the big guns after Spencer boastfully claimed he âwonât go to a club for less than $100,000.â Daveâs shock, insulting-yet-gentle series of guffaws and his no-beat-missed announcement that he wants Spencer off his set immediately sum up an interview too good to be true. See for yourself after the jump. More »
Girls Who Like Girls
New Blind Item Proves That Lesbian Chic Trend Continues Unabated
Naturally we couldn't ignore a blind item involving our favorite celebrity trend of the season, lesbian chic, that appeared in yesterday's NY Daily News. Especially when the item not only involves a starlet who dabbles in Lohan/Ronson-inspired games with the same sex, but also outs her bad boy boyfriend for helping her appear as straight as possible in the public eye. As the News asks today:
âWhich starlet with an often-troubled boyfriend actually plays for the other team â and puts up with her boy toy's habits to maintain hetero appearances?â
While many Young Hollywood players are currently afflicted with that equally trendy need to date cads, only a few from the club cross our mind as potential lady lovers. Our guesses after the jump.
More »
The Hills Are Dead
MTV Plans 'Hills' Spin-Off With Everyone's Most Forgettable Character
Of all the Hills characters deserving a spin-off series, MTV is allegedly going with the single most boring, vapid, expressionless cast member whom we suspect is the sole character not popping Adderall offered up by producers between takes. Just think what a Methanie Does Manhattan show might bring, with her Tatum OâNeal-esque late-night trips to Harlem. Or Spencer Does Santa Cruz, where MTV could allow viewers to watch his eyes quite literally pop out of his enormous head upon entering the glorious land of non-working, tree-gazing beach hippies.
But no. Instead, the cable geniuses have reportedly chosen the worldâs slowest speaking zombie, Whitney Port, to launch her pretty little head into âbicoastal living.â The fascinating premise, plus what the other cast members have to say, after the jump.
More »
Puppet Masters
'The Hills' Fourth Season Teaser Omits Heidi's Crucial Fake-Pregnancy Arc
We thought we knew just how low The Hills' reigning king and queen of mean Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag would go just to garner the slightest bit of attention from the press. Given their history of stunt proposals, staged âpaparazziâ shoots, and plastic surgery adventures, the evil duo has proven their weight in gold-digging PR wizardry. But their latest alleged stunt planned for the âreality showââs upcoming season is creepy enough to inspire the next Law & Order: SVU plotline: "Rumor has it that Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt have decided to fake a pregnancy for the 4th season." Sadder still? It sounds like theyâve convinced MTV producers — and the wardrobe department — to play along with the lie as old as time... More »
words of wisdom
The Finale Of 'The Hills': 'Imagine Everything You've Seen And Then Completely Unimagine It'
Last night, we tearfully watched as the third season of that Adderall-fueled pity party known as The Hills came to a wisdom-filled conclusion. So what did we learn last night? Aside from newly cropped and suddenly hot Justin Bobby teaching Audrina (and us) that living alone means you can âcome home and cook something,â and shockingly, âhave people over,â Methanie Pratt managed to summarize the entire seasonâs course on Lives Of The Blonde And Vapid by telling villainous Spencer that one should always âthink really hard before you do anything.â Below we bring you three tidbits to carry with you forever, involving drinking on the job, dieting leessons, and when the appropriate time to âshushâ someone is: 1) Cheese Is Yum, But May Put Junk In Your Trunk!: As sidekick Lo notes, eating a whole bunch of cheese at once feels good. It tastes good, tends to be difficult to stop eating, and makes you smile. But! After making the decision to eat an entire chunk in one sitting, we learn that the act âis not gonna be good for my behind.â Duly noted. More »
words of wisdom
1. How To Advance Your Career By Seducing The Boss! Without an annoying dandruff-headed fiance to keep her busy, Heidi is focused on her job as some kind of powerful publicity manager who rose through the assistant ranks by age 21 using one simple method: subtly let your male boss know you want to "get your hands in there" and "make yourself available" to them moments after uncrossing your legs. More »
The Hills: 'I Want To Get My Hands In There And Make Myself Available To You'
Even though zombified Whitney and scandal-plagued Audrina didn't have much to teach us on last night's wisdom-packed episode of The Hills, Spencer, Heidi and Lauren blew our minds with life lessons we'll carry with us forever. And despite not saying anything that even remotely resemebled wisdom, it must be said that Justin Bobby, with his new haircut, has officially reignited our Bad Boy Crush phase. Intrepid Defamer Videographer™ Molly McAleer worked her magic to present the episode's most eye-opening moments, which we've broken down into three essential bits of knowledge:1. How To Advance Your Career By Seducing The Boss! Without an annoying dandruff-headed fiance to keep her busy, Heidi is focused on her job as some kind of powerful publicity manager who rose through the assistant ranks by age 21 using one simple method: subtly let your male boss know you want to "get your hands in there" and "make yourself available" to them moments after uncrossing your legs. More »
words of wisdom
