'Indy' Proves There's Some Country For Old Men

The long Memorial Day weekend may be gone, but we'll always have fond memories of the holiday box office to warm our hearts:

1. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull — $151.1 million
Defamer's groundbreaking Indiana Jones PlunderWatch Projections Tracker™ was just about pinpoint precise once we factor in the the +/- $9.5 trillion margin of error, calculating the triumph of America's archaeological/Commie-killing sweetheart in real time over its five-day opening frame. Its four-day total was no less impressive, tallying $126 million from Friday to Monday, while the worldwide total of $311 million had George Lucas stroking his massive under-chin on his Marin County deck, conjuring inspiration for his and Steven Spielberg's forthcoming fifth installment, Indiana Jones and the Hard-to-Insure Septuagenarian Star.

Dreamy Royal Prince Caspian Vanquishes All

Recover from a weekend so sweltering, you briefly entertained the idea of seeing Speed Racer just to take advantage of two hours' worth of Americana AC, with a glance at some refreshingly chilled box office numbers:
1. The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian - $56.573 million
It was an easy win for the second chapter of the only major Hollywood franchise that, to our knowledge, is also a lightly encoded Christ-allegory prominently featuring a ferocious talking beaver. (We suppose a reasonable case could be made for the Basic Instinct series, but that debate is for another time. And yes, we just made a beaver joke. It's going to be that kind of Monday.) In next installment The Voyage of the Dawn Treader, the heroic young protagonists will be firmly entrenched in their gawky pubescent phase, leading to an awkward facts-of-life talk delivered by a visibly uncomfortable Aslan regarding the pile of crusty underarmor garments he found stashed in their wardrobe. Narnia forever!

Welcome back to Defamer Attractions, your guide to what's new, noteworthy and potentially toxic in weekend moviegoing. Today we survey the victims of Prince Caspian's box-office menace (including a particular race-car driver still convalescing from last week's pile-up), pick our first-ever foreign-language Underdog and browse the DVD shelves for potential Sunday-morning-hangover alternatives. As always, our opinions are our own but they are also 100% accurate, so plan accordingly!

WHAT'S NEW: The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian is guaranteed to knock incumbent champ Iron Man from its box-office perch, with most observers predicting the second installment of the Disney franchise to muscle into first with as much as $79 million. And with merely five days before Indiana Jones 4 wheezes into multiplexes internationally, Disney is no doubt hoping that even that number is somehow on the low end. We don't think so; even without major counterprogramming, $74 million seems a little more reasonable what with holdovers Iron Man, What Happens in Vegas, Made of Honor and even Speed Racer still pulling in viewers who are just fine waiting for the DVD. Also opening: a light week overall, with the America Ferrera vehicle How the Garcia Girls Spent Their Summer and the acclaimed Norwegian drama Reprise playing small-ball in Caspian's shadow.

Joel Silver Leaving Warners! Except He's Not! Let Him Get Back to You!

Amateur Publicist Joel Silver Has Wachowskis' Backs For the Last Time

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End-Of-Monday Tallies Put 'Racer' At Third, UTA Minus One Emile Hirsch

'Iron' Wins

Chase away the Monday morning May-gloom blues with a glimpse at the box office numbers:

1. Iron Man - $50.5 million
Iron Man's strong finish was confidently predicted by just about everyone, including your own mother, who called yesterday to thank you for her bouquet, but "would have preferred you send me that Roger Downey Jr. fellow—he can rocket-boost over here anytime! Oh, your father's getting jealous now. Pipe down, Seymour—you know you're the only Iron Man for me. By the way, I predict a healthy 49% drop with the audience skewing slightly more female due to strong word of mouth. Anyway, thanks again for the flowers! And don't forget to call your sister!"

The Worst is Yet to Come in 'Speed Racer' Crash-and-Burn

No Country For Old She-Men

Susan Sarandon: Drugs Are Bad, But Man Did I Love 'Em

Sarandon admits she took plenty of drugs during her time in 1970s Hollywood, and isn't afraid to share her experiences with the teenagers. "When they were pretty young, Miles said, 'Did you do crack?' and I had to explain, 'No, they didn't have crack in those days."

The Wachowskis Still in Hiding as 'Speed Racer' Circles the Drain

For all its confectionery imagery, Christina Ricci scene-stealing and the few other things Speed Racer gets right, it still faces a box-office false start that could make Leatherheads look like a hit in comparison. We sketched a few of the hurdles here yesterday (number one being its own studio's resignation to its underachievement), but at this point there's only one that counts: Larry and Andy Wachowski need to climb out of their hole.

It might be self-serving of us to suggest they publicize their films, and in a way, we empathize with their reclusion; Larry Wachowski has been the subject of sex-change and dominatrix-dating speculation since a feminized version of himself — earrings, plucked eyebrows, manicure — showed up on the Matrix Revolutions red carpet in Cannes five years ago with mistress Ilsa Strix (née Karen Winslow) on his arm. The siblings later sneaked into the New York premiere of V For Vendetta (which they wrote and co-produced), and last week in Los Angeles they went positively presidential with subterfuge at the debut of Speed Racer. "They did not do the red-carpet press line at the Nokia Theatre on Saturday, and were well-camouflaged during the after-party," wrote Borys Kit in The Hollywood Reporter. "Photographers were sworn to secrecy as to their whereabouts, and Warner Bros. assigned handlers the mission of keeping journalists off the scent."

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'Speed Racer' Just Fine With Second Place, Thank You Very Much

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