Context is everything in these matters, however, and what may seem at first like an irresponsible invitation to the unthinkable was actually a stinging indictment of what you, the celebrity-self-destruction-as-spectator-bloodsport fan, are reaping upon the sad and empty pop star husk Spears become. (Poignantly represented by a lower jaw standing behind a recording studio microphone).

• South Park

Apparently, the guys at 24 enjoyed the episode, because they sent us one of their prop suitcase nukes couried by a PA, with an attached plaque that read "from your friends at 24" and with a thank you note saying "here's your very own snuke".

needless to say, we freaking LOVE this thing.

Further details are at the South Park production blog, where you can see more photos of Matt and Trey mentally calculating the practical logistics of squeezing a nuclear bomb up a famous woman's sex-parts. The staff's giddy enthusiasm for their shiny, potentially Valencia-eviscerating new toy is positively infectious—like children on a nuclear winter morning!—as is the thought of TV shows reaching out to one another across network lines. Still, we'd caution against phasing out Snookies baskets for suitcase nukes as the congratulatory industry gesture of choice, as all it takes is one curious assistant's finger and the question "What's THIS button do?" for Canada to finally win its chance to swoop in and fill the scorched-earth Hollywood void.

• THE BEST DAY EVER AT SOUTH PARK! [Production Blog]

There's really no winning with Christian television-watchdog groups: Write a catchy country-western ditty in which a paranoid cowboy express his fear that Jesus is involved in a little homosexual voyeurism, wind up on the wrong end of an outraged press release; try to dramatize the Creator as a Being who engages in heterosexual relations, ditto. Multichannel News reports that the Parents Television Council is protesting the season finale of The Sarah Silverman Program, angry that the lack of a la carte cable channel choices makes it all too easy for impressionable children to stumble upon blasphemous programming concerning a Jewish comedienne's post-coital rejection of "the sex-obsessed Deity." (Deadpans a Comedy Central spokesman in response: "We've never been terribly popular with the Parents Television Council.") A clip of the offending material is above; after the jump, we pass along the PTC's painstaking, blow-by-blow inventory of each sacrilegious story beat:

THE SARAH SILVERMAN PROGRAM * God and Sarah copulate. God: "You're a little monkey aren't you? Who made your monkey? Who made you?" Sarah: "You did."

*Sarah rejects God the morning after their tryst.
God: "I had a really good time. A really, really good time."
Sarah: "Thanks. Me too."
God: "Come to Heaven with me today."
Sarah: "Today?"
God: "We can see the past and the future. We can fly. And I will introduce you to Thomas Jefferson."
Sarah: "Oh, awesome. I told my friend Natalie I would help her move, though."
God: "I could stop time."
Sarah: "That is so sweet. Oh your pants are over there. I mean not like I'm asking you to leave. I just mean if you can't see it from this angle of still being in my bed."
God: "Right. I should go."
Sarah: "Okay. Um. Alright. I guess I'll see you around sometime."
God: "Do you mean it? Or are you just saying that?"

*Sarah seeks help from God.
Sarah: "I learned that people in wheelchairs are allowed to have marathons, which to me seems like cheating, but what are you going to say? And I learned that You exist, and that You're black. And I think that's amazing. I mean I'm not one of those people that are like 'Oh, God is black, is he going to steal the moon or something?' And finally I learned that giving is its own reward. Which is really kinda like saying there's no reward for giving. Unless you're really into the process of giving, and that's a reward to you. But how many people, I don't know. Can you meet me half way? You're kinda breaking my balls."
God: "Alright. Just one more time Sarah."

Lest you uncharitably suspect that at least part of the reason for the PTC's outrage is rooted in the fact that Silverman's God is black, they've covered that particular base by pairing the Sarah Silverman protest with one about the use of the n-bomb on a recent South Park episode, a move which sets up the Council as the nation's leading colorblind crusader against the morality-eroding practice of the forced bundling of heathen-programmed cable channels.

• PTC Not Laughing at Comedy's Silverman [Multichannel.com]
• The Worst Cable Content of the Week [ParentsTV.org]
• Sarah Silverman Program [ComedyCentral.com]

• A Vision Into Trey & Matt's Possible Fate Without Entertainment Attorneys [SorryIGotDrunk.com]
• Barnes, Morris, Klein, Mark, Yorn, Barnes & Levine 10th Anniversary [Variety]

"SOUTH Park" creators Matt Stone and Trey Parker say their bizarre decision to dress in drag and sashay down the red carpet at the 2000 Oscars was made easy - thanks to LSD. "We took acid and tripped," Stone tells the November issue of FHM. "It seemed like the right day - drop acid and get on the red carpet in a dress." But lest anybody think he's a druggie, Stone adds, "I haven't taken acid since then."

No, we imagine he didn't, especially after having to describe his Gwyneth Paltrow-inspired, cotton-candy-hued gown to the ever fashion-inquisitive Joan Rivers, whose glistening death mask of a face is enough to induce bad tripping in even the most sober of individuals. Still, the typically tedious proceedings were undoubtedly rendered that much more lively with the added chemical enhancements, particularly when the two collaborators fearfully clutched at each other during a shared hallucination in which Angelina Jolie appeared to be eating her brother's face.

• ACIDIC FASHION [NY Post]

"South Park" creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone know how to punk the press. Media outlets all over the world picked up on the mischief-makers' recent claim at a U.K. press conference that Saddam Hussein's jailers had told the pair that the dictator had been forced to watch a "South Park" episode depicting him as Satan's gay lover. "It was a joke," Stone told us at a party celebrating the series' 10th season. Asked if Amnesty International might pursue them, Stone said, "Bring it on! We wish they would."

The embarrassing affair should serve as a lesson to an increasingly scoop-hungry and gullible news media operating under the impression that their efforts have no direct effect on global events: Their irresponsible reports not only misled the public, but also inspired the CIA, always on the lookout for new interrogation methods, to subject suspected terrorist detainess in secret Eastern European prisons to the very real "alternative" torture technique of round-the-clock screenings of Mind of Mencia.

• Side Dish [NY Daily News]

South Park creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone yesterday revealed Saddam is made to watch the movie "repeatedly" by the US Marines guarding him.

Speaking at Edinburgh TV Festival, Matt said: "I have it on pretty good information from the Marines on detail in Iraq that they showed him the movie.

"That's really adding insult to injury. I bet that made him really happy."

If these tales—of a Clockwork Orange-type scenario in which the former dictator is harnessed to an eyelid-retractor, and forced to absorb over and over his inexcusably abusive behavior towards his emotionally needy screen lover, the Prince of Darkness—are true, the Marines might want to rethink their torture technique. It could end up backfiring on them, when Hussein manages to sway the court away from the death penalty after hearing his moving testimony about having searched his heart for what Brian Boitano would do were he in the same situation, then concluding by attributing his genocidal behavior to Canadian influences.

• Saddam's cartoon torture [The Sun]

Beating even the impressive headlines-to-episode turnaround times of Matt Stone and Trey Parker themselves, a Defamer reader drafted this cast photo of the inevitable South Park episode skewering Survivor: Cook Island and its almost-too-ridiculous -to-be-parodied race vs. race premise. We look forward to the requisite scene in which Cartman sensitively explains to Kyle why he can't play along at home, because "there's no bleeping Jew Tribe, Jew," though we can't help but feel this would have been the perfect opportunity for the recently departed Chef to preach in the final moments how it's time we all looked past something as surface as skin color, unless it's a shade of delicious mocha-chocolate covering the large expanse of a plus-plus-sized hooker's ass.

Viacom Conspiracy Theory: Please note that the pissing contest between Sumner and Xenu began on the same day that Paramount announced a two picture deal for the South Park guys. How's this for a scenario: Tom gets wind of the deal and calls Brad Grey telling him to cancel the Important Pictures pact or he'll leave. Brad Grey kicks it up to Freston who kicks it up to Sumner who — knowing that negotiations are going poorly and not so fondly recalling being forced to pull the Trapped in the Closet episode or else Cruise wouldn't do press for MI3 — says, "Fine, goodbye. You and your alien race will bully me no more."

Given the perfect timing, this would be a great opportunity for Stone and Parker to follow up their temporarily defeat-conceding post-Trapped press release with a full-page ad in the trades trumpeting this ultimate victory over their freshly vanquished nemesis. Hopefully, they'll get around to it before Rob Schneider has a chance to appropriate the gag to offer the out-of-work Cruise a gig in his movie.

• Redstone Vs. Cruise: Redstone Responds To Team Cruise's Response! [Defamer]

Yesterday, Comedy Central took out this ad in Variety to congratulate South Park on its Emmy nomination for their "Trapped in the Closet" episode, a good-natured, lightly self-satirizing attempt to chuckle at themselves for so readily allowing themselves to become Tom Cruise's bitch by yanking a repeat of that show because of its unflattering portrayal of the cherished corporate asset about to open a movie for parent company Viacom. But because of the copy's inclusion of the word "Jews," a term now copyrighted by Mel Gibson's Icon Productions, some people assumed the ad was some kind of reference to Gibson's recent war-mongering-Hebrews-related troubles. Today, a Comedy Central spokesperson assures the LAT that the ad is merely a quaintly retro dig at Cruise and riff on the time-honored "Jews run Hollywood" joke, not a perfectly timed assault on the currently rehabbing serial apologizer. We think the giant cartoon rendering of the Celebrity Centre should've been a pretty obvious tip-off as to the ad's target, but whatever. The publicists have spoken.

This, of course, means that the "full page Variety ad satirizing and/or expressing outrage at Mel Gibson's anti-Semitic remarks" frontier is still wide open, and we look forward to seeing which brave soul spends some money (Ari Emanuel, we're looking at you) to be the first to splash the words "sugar tits" across the trade's blank canvas of protest.

• Ad didn't take aim at Gibson [LAT]

Doug Herzog Has Some 'Splainin' To Do Day continues on Defamer, as THR notes that South Park creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone used their time at the TCAs yesterday to unload on Comedy Central for pulling their Tom Cruise-teasing "Trapped in the Closet" episode from the rerun schedule because of pressure from the Viacom-cherished actor (Paramount's M:i:III was soon to be released), and for censoring an image of Mohammed they included in another episode. THR has CC head Herzog's reaction to these additional disgruntled employees:

"So there are two things we can't do on Comedy Central: show Muhammad or Tom Cruise," Trey Parker said during the MTV Networks portion of the Television Critics Assn. summer press tour. [...]

Regarding the decision not to air the image of Muhammad during the "Cartoon Wars" episode, the [Parker and Stone] said it was a corporate decision that could become a slippery slope if other groups begin making threats and affecting content. They also noted that Muhammad seems to be off limits, while it is "open season" on Jesus, who happens to be a "South Park" character. (Depictions of Muhammad are strictly prohibited in Islam.)

Comedy Central president Doug Herzog admitted, "It's tough, but I think I would say we did overreact. ... Matt and Trey enjoy a fair amount of creative freedom. History might show that we overreacted, and we will live with that."

He added that the image probably will not be shown on the DVD version either, but "I look forward to the day when we can uncover it."

Indeed, we all look forward to the day when basic cable networks executives won't cave to overcautious pressure from their corporate parents over fears that the antics of crudely animated schoolchildren will touch off jihad from either offended Muslims or humorless Scientologist movie stars who have his bosses by the balls, though we don't recommend anyone hold his or her breath until such a magical time arrives. We also find interesting yet another reference to the artistic autonomy enjoyed by his talent; Parker and Stone should be careful not to take on Herzog again for a while, lest he upgrade their "fair amount of creative freedom" to a Chappelle-level "complete creative control" in hopes of driving them so crazy with independence that they flee the country and abandon their contracts.

[Photo: Getty Images; Parker, Herzog, and Stone in happier days]

• 'South Park' guys still upset [THR/CNN.com]
• Previously: South Park Creators Respond To Episode-Disappearing Scientologists [Defamer]

• Preparing For The MPAA [The Hot Blog]

In Wednesday's episode, the character Kyle is shown trying to persuade a Fox network executive to air an uncensored "Family Guy" even though it had an image of Muhammad.

"Either it's all OK, or none of it is," Kyle said. "Do the right thing."

The executive decides to strike a blow for free speech and agrees to show it. But at the point where Muhammad is to be seen, the screen is filled with the message: "Comedy Central has refused to broadcast an image of Muhammad on their network."

It is followed shortly by the images of [Jesus Christ defecating on President Bush and the American flag].

It would be underestimating Matt Stone and Trey Parker's considerable social mores-mincing abilities to assume that this was the end of the line for their parade of wrongness. We look forward to a future South Park in which the First Family tries to sell a jaded vaudeville booker on their novelty act, an endless series of scatalogical and sexual combinations between the President, Laura, the twins, and deceased family dog Spot, which they proudly call "The Autocrats."

• `South Park' Creators Skewer Own Network [Yahoo/AP]

Amy Harnell, a spokesperson for Hayes, told MTV News the Fox News report was "definitely not true" and that Hayes' decision to quit was "his and his alone." She added that Hayes was never hospitalized with a stroke, but rather "spent a few days in a hospital because of a high blood-pressure condition with medical complications." [...]

And while it's not totally clear if Chef is really dead (at the end of the episode, he's seen being resurrected, Darth-Vader style), Hayes' spokesperson wants it to be known that the musician is "100-percent" finished with "South Park."

"He's finished talking about it. Basically, his feeling is, if [Stone and Parker] felt the need to do episodes like this one, then that's fine," Harnell said. "He's done with it, and he's already turning his attention to a series of upcoming commercial projects."

Well, it may not be what we wanted to hear, but at least we can all move on knowing that Hayes, who just months ago was doing candid radio interviews defending South Park, has authorized spokesperson Amy Harnell to clear up the matters on what he is currently thinking and feeling, as opposed to, say, making the statement himself and proving that he's not a bedridden prisoner of his minders. Harnell, of course, happens to be a Scientologist—a discussion board detective and the stubbornly sticky fingerprints of Google cache established that—but there's no reason that should the thicken the fog of suspicion surrounding his departure, allowing Hayes to move on to the next phase of his career, composing decidedly funky scores for e-meter CD-ROM tutorials.

• Whether Or Not Chef Is Actually Dead, Isaac Hayes Is Done With 'South Park' [MTVNews.com]
• Previously: Lighter Times With A Pre-Brainwashed Isaac Hayes [Defamer]

Caller: Hey, my question's for Isaac Hayes.

Hayes: Yeah.

Caller: Hey, what did you think—You're a Scientologist, right?

Hayes: Yeah.

Caller: OK what did you think about when Matt and Trey did that one episode on Scientology? With Cruise in the closet?

Hayes: Well, one thing about Matt and Trey, they lampoon everybody, and if you take that shit serious, then I'll sell you the Brooklyn Bridge for two dollars. That's what they do.

That's a far cry from the robotic words of his official departing statement ("...religious beliefs are sacred to people, and at all times should be respected and honored..."), which, we were surprised to discover, spells "pls hlp me im scred rm one oh nine clbrity centr" if you read only every third letter.

• ISAAC HAYES HAS NO PROBLEM WITH SCIENTOLOGY JOKES [FoundryFiles.com]
• Interview: Isaac Hayes [Onion A.V. Club]
• Previously: Isaac Hayes May Have Quit 'South Park' By His Own Not-Free Will [Defamer]

"A lot of us don't agree with the choices the Chef has made in the last few days," one of the children eulogizes him at a funeral. "Some of us feel hurt and confused that he seemed to turn his back on us. But we can't let the events of the past few weeks take away the memories of how Chef made us smile.

"We shouldn't be mad at Chef for leaving us," the eulogy concludes. "We should be mad at that fruity little club for scrambling his brains."

While likening Scientology to a "fruity little club" may be funny in a bratty sort of way, we're wondering if perhaps it's giving them too easy a retaliatory target. They are, after all, a club that helped many a conflicted little fruit kick their dangerous anti-psychotic medication habits, resolve their past-life issues, and maximize their life potential.

• Chef Gets Big Send-Off on 'South Park' [AP]
• Previously: 'South Park' Plans Its Next Scientology Hit [Defamer]

Details of the new episode were vague...But a network synopsis said the fictional town of South Park, Colorado, is "jolted out of a case of the doldrums when Chef suddenly reappears," leading to new antics by the group of foul-mouthed fourth graders who are the show's stars.

"While Stan, Kyle, Kenny and Cartman are thrilled to have their old friend back, they notice that something about Chef seems different. When Chef's strange behavior starts getting him in trouble, the boys pull out all the stops to save him."

A network spokesman told Reuters that someone "besides Hayes" will be providing his character's voice for the episode, which looks to be a handsome, Scientology-bashing bookend companion to their classic of the genre, "Trapped in the Closet." Sadly, while the fictional, animated South Park kids might be able to save Chef in time, their real life counterparts will probably have trouble scaling the 14-foot electrified fences and evading the sniper fire to save Hayes for real.

• "South Park" Chef back after Scientology skirmish [Reuters]
• Previously: Isaac Hayes May Have Quit 'South Park' By His Own Not-Free Will [Defamer]

I can tell you that Hayes is in no position to have quit anything. Contrary to news reports, the great writer, singer and musician suffered a stroke on Jan. 17. At the time it was said that he was hospitalized and suffering from exhaustion. [...]

Friends in Memphis tell me that Hayes did not issue any statements on his own about South Park. They are mystified.

Isaac s been concentrating on his recuperation for the last two and a half, three months, a close friend told me.

Hayes did not suffer paralysis, but the mild stroke may have affected his speech and his memory. He s been having home therapy since it happened.

While a right hemisphere stroke has been know to cause behavioral changes such as "lack of concern about situations, impulsivity, inappropriateness," it would also play the kind of cognitive neurological havoc on the brain that impairs one's ability to, say, compose an extremely lucid, soundbite-friendly statement on the evils of criticizing one's "religious beliefs." It's enough to make you think this message may have been composed for him, perhaps by the same team of handlers who abducted Hayes from the evil clutches of his neurological rehabilitation treatment program, replacing it with their far more effective vitamins-and-heating-pad-on-your-head stroke-Thetan-reducing technique.

• Chef's Quitting Controversy [FOXNews.com]
• Previously: Isaac Hayes Has Enough Of South Park's Bad Thetan Energy [Defamer]

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

So, Scientology, you may have won THIS battle, but the million-year war for earth has just begun! Temporarily anozinizing our episode will NOT stop us from keeping Thetans forever trapped in your pitiful man-bodies. Curses and drat! You have obstructed us for now, but your feeble bid to save humanity will fail! Hail Xenu!!!

-Trey Parker and Matt Stone, servants of the dark lord Xenu

While one might admire the crazy bravery of enjoining Hubbard's army in a million-year war, we'll be even more impressed if Parker and Stone put their thumbs in the eye of the executives who may have caved to Cruise's pressure. How about something in a "very special episode" in which the animated Cruise returns to South Park, offering the chained pair of Paramount head Brad Grey and Viacom CEO Tom Freston to savior Stan as human sacrifice? Or, you know, at least another amusing press release calling Viacom Cruise's "corporate bitch."

And in the interest of fairness, Page Six passes along Comedy Central's official explanation: "In light of the events of earlier this week, we wanted to give Chef an appropriate tribute by airing two episodes he is most known for."

• Previously: Report: Blame Cruise For Yanked 'South Park' Repeat [Defamer]

Sources from inside Paramount and South Park Studios report that parent company Viacom pulled last night's scheduled repeat of the high-rated "Trapped in the Closet" episode after the humorless Scientologist movie star Tom Cruise threatened to cancel all publicity for Mission Impossible:3 if Comedy Central aired the episode that satirizes Scientology and mocks his sexuality again.

Not only is this the first time that the South Park creators have been officially censored in their ten hit seasons with Comedy Central, Viacom officials also reportedly ordered Matt Stone and Trey Parker not to discuss the reason why their episode was cancelled.

The South Park boys are said to be angry, but will probably get revenge with the manner in which they deal with Scientologist Isaac Hayes' departure from the show.

If Cruise did indeed make the threat, Viacom really should've called his bluff. Sure, Cruise might've been upset that a crudely animated version of himself was being abused on television, but those feelings would probably pass once he started to get excited about the opportunity to turn another huge publicity tour into a glorified infomercial for his wedding plans and anti-psychiatry crusade.

• HI EXCLUSIVE! SCIENTOLOGIST TOM CRUISE BLACKMAILS VIACOM... [Hollywood Interrupted]
• Previously: Should Tom Cruise Sue 'South Park'? [Defamer]
• Tom Cruise South Park Episode A Lesson In Corporate Synergy [Defamer]

"Religious beliefs are sacred to people, and at all times should be respected and honored," he continued. "As a civil rights activist of the past 40 years, I cannot support a show that disrespects those beliefs and practices."

"South Park" co-creator Matt Stone responded sharply in an interview with The Associated Press Monday, saying, "This is 100 percent having to do with his faith of Scientology... He has no problem and he's cashed plenty of checks with our show making fun of Christians."

We're surprised, frankly, at what took this long for Hayes to toe the Church line. When you consider something as innocuous as John Travolta in a dress can send the Hubbardite clergy into hysterical damage control mode, you'd think nine years of lending one's voice to a show that once devoted an entire episode to a hamster's adventures traveling up a gay S&M enthusiast's lower colon would result in immediate white van dispatching, followed by eyelid removal surgery and the uninterrupted viewing of a 117-hour auditing filmstrip on the dangers of lending one's celebrity to the wrong project.

• Isaac Hayes Quits 'South Park' [AP]
• Previously: Tom Cruise Threatens To Sue England Over South Park Episode [Defamer]

NERVOUS TV bosses have axed an episode of South Park which OUTS a fictional Tom Cruise character as gay because they are scared the real actor will SUE.

The wacky cartoon shows Hollywood star Cruise refusing to come out of a closet in a reference to rumours about his sexuality

It was shown in America last year but Cruise, 43, is believed to have threatened legal action if it is shown again.

So it will not be screened on the Paramount channel on Friday as planned. An insider said: Tom is famously very litigious and will go to great lengths to protect his reputation.

It would be an impressive maneuver if Cruise's ferocious legal team were capable of censoring the episode in looser lipped though litigation friendly England, when they couldn't manage to accomplish the same on our shores. Should UK broadcasters choose to air it, however, rest assured that scary Cruise lawyer Bert Fields is up to the challenge. We imagine his legal interns are frantically powdering his horse-hair poofy wigs as we speak.

• Cruise axe for South Park [The Sun]
• Trapped in the Closet [Scientomogy]
• Previously: Should Tom Cruise Sue South Park ? [Defamer]
• Tom Cruise South Park Episode A Lesson In Corporate Synergy [Defamer]

Its plot involves a statue of the Virgin Mary, which appears to be miraculously bleeding from its rectum. Pope Benedict XVI is called in to investigate, and upon discovering the statue is instead hemorrhaging from its vagina, says, ahem, "A chick bleeding out her vagina is no miracle. Chicks bleed out their vaginas all the time." Then the Catholic League got a look at it, and the Immaculate menstrual blood really hit the fan:

Somewhat predictably, the Catholic League was incensed by the satirical portrayal of the Virgin Mary and the pope and by the fact that the episode aired on the day before the Catholic Church celebrated its Feast of the Immaculate Conception.

The conservative group demanded an apology from Viacom, Comedy Central's parent company, to Roman Catholics everywhere and "a pledge that this episode be permanently retired and not be made available on DVD."

The Catholic League also sought a personal condemnation from Viacom board member Joseph A. Califano Jr., who the group noted is a "practicing Catholic."

Califano was only too happy to oblige. After viewing the episode, he released a statement calling the episode an "appalling and disgusting portrayal of the Virgin Mary."

"It is particularly troubling to me as a Roman Catholic that the segment has run on the eve and day of the Feast of the Immaculate Conception, a holy day for Roman Catholics," Califano said.

Califano also pledged to have Viacom president and CEO Tom Freston review the episode.

It would appear the Catholic League managed to accomplish what Tom Cruise couldn't. As to how Freston will apply his laid back executive style to put out this particularly incendiary fire, that's anybody's guess. It is worth noting that his recent staff e-mail managed to give nearly every property under the Viacom corporate umbrella its own bullet point, yet Comedy Central was almost completely glossed over. Perhaps in the midst of all the self-congratulatory hoopla, it would have been awkward to suddenly read, "And Comedy Central managed to blow $50 mil on a no-show comedian while still having enough energy left over to offend a billion Catholics worldwide. Thanks for nothing, assholes!"

• "South Park" Parked by Complaints [E! Online]
• Previously: Tom Freston s All-Staff E-Mail Of Hope [Defamer]

"When you think of a premise so radical it's unmakable, you hang in for seven years to see it through, it is a shock to the system to have people on Websites saying, 'You hack, you stole this from South Park,' " Blitt tells Variety. "I set this up so long before that episode was conceived. It is bad enough to have your idea taken: It's 1,000 times worse when you are then accused of stealing." [...]

"There is no way those guys didn't know we were making this very movie as they took it upon themselves to do that episode," [Peter Farrelly] tells Variety. "They know what they did and they know it was wrong. Period. These are guys I have always respected, but what they did was very creepy."

Of course, Parker and Stone flatly deny the accusation, though we must say the similarities are pretty striking. Still, their claims of coincidence are not out of the question, with only so many offensive stories out there to tell (they even got around to the Scientologists this year, risking a disappearance by white van). Some might argue it was really only a matter of time before they stumbled into the rich comic realm of wheelchair booby-trapping.

• Farrellys' "South Park" Smackdown [E! Online]
• Previously: Tom Cruise South Park Episode A Lesson In Corporate Synergy [Defamer]

Imagine a white person in the Jim Crow South suing to counter rumors that he was hiding African-American ancestry, and the problem with such a claim becomes plain: The purpose of the claim is to restore the plaintiff to a prior, undeserved position of societal privilege, so he can avoid the maltreatment, racism — and if he is a racist himself, the shame — that he would otherwise suffer. The claim itself, then, rests on a malicious societal hierarchy.

The same is arguably true of a claim by a straight person that he has been falsely labeled as gay: Such a claim takes advantage of the courts so that one person can escape bias that others unfairly suffer.

It also caters to societal bias by saying, in effect, "Stop thinking less of me; I'm not really gay." But imagine, again, the parallel claim: "Stop thinking less of me, I'm not really African-American."

Even if someone decided to take this argument beyond the theoretical and accused Cruise of being African-American just to see if he'd sue (hey, South Park, want more free publicity?), we doubt they'd ever see a legal threat. After all, Cruise pals Will Smith and Jamie Foxx are doing pretty well for themselves, but the idea that he could wind up playing "Hotel Desk Clerk" like Eyes Wide Shut co-star Alan Cumming instead of the butch protagonist of the Mission:Impossible franchise keeps Scary Hollywood Lawyer Bert Fields number one on his speed dial.

• Could Tom Cruise Sue "South Park" For Suggesting He is Gay? And Even If He Could, Should He? [FindLaw]
• Tom Cruise South Park Episode A Lesson In Corporate Synergy [Defamer]