Defamer: Saved By The Bell

Ousted 'Extra' Host Plots His Revenge Against Mario Lopez

Douglas Reinhardt — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 15:45:00 PDT

Recently exiled Extra host Mark McGrath announced his plans to get revenge on Mario Lopez, the newly minted host of the show he recently vacated. McGrath got the idea when he left the popular watering hole, Crown Bar, and saw a giant sign for acting lessons. McGrath said, "If he's going to steal my hosting gigs, then I'm going to steal his acting gigs. So, get ready to see my lovely face all over Lifetime. I'm going to be your worst nightmare. I'm going to be your own personal Nedick."

[Photo Credit: Splash Pic]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

We're So Excited: Screech Set To Unveil The Sex And Drugs Behind The Scenes Of 'Saved By The Bell'

Molly Friedman — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 18:10:00 PDT

When we used to wake up in the mornin’ after the alarm gave out a warnin’, it was always alright ‘cuz we were Saved By The Bell. Yes, all you ‘80s-born kiddies, the show we embarrassingly grew up watching religiously despite the fact that catching a rerun these days makes us dry-heave, is in the headlines again. The frizzy-haired, unemployed trophy winner of the World’s Most Nauseating Sex Tape (that is, until Mini-Me stole the title), Dustin “Screech” Diamond, has given up on those comedy club circuit dreams and made the heroic decision to put his nose to the ~~mirror~~ grindstone. As Vulture reports, we will soon have the pleasure reading a tell-all book scripted by Diamond, detailing what really went on behind the scenes of that epic show. And if you’re like us, who consider Jesse Spano’s “I’m So Excited...I’m So...Scared” scene a pivotal moment in our adolescence, don’t despair — Diamond is said to be more than ready to spill each and every bean when it comes to revealing all of the dirty deets of Bayside High School's Class of 1993.

However sad it is, it seems that the aforementioned influential scene of diet pills and pointless high school ambition best exhibited by Jesse's freak-out was not as fictional as our wee tween minds originally believed. According to Vulture's sources, Dustin and his ghostwriter (i.e.: mainly his ghostwriter) will reveal all kinds of details about the "sexual escapades among cast members, drug use, and hardcore partying" that went on after Mr. Belding shut down the lights each night. As insanely thrilled we are to go and purchase a retro wall SBTB wall calendar on which we shall X out each day until the book is released, there's still a tiny part of us that always hoped Zach and Kelly never actually did the deed after "Cut!" ended the day. Nor do we want to learn the inevitable truth that Slater was on steroids. Same goes for how many rails it took to keep Lisa Turtle from transferring to rival Valley High. Oh well, it can do anything more to ruin our childhood memories than The Phantom Menace did, right?

SCREECH WRITES 'SAVED BY THE BELL' TELL-ALL [Vulture]

'Star Magazine' Readers in Revolt After Mario Lopez 'Chesthairgate' Scandal

Kyle Buchanan — Thu, 26 Jun 2008 10:20:00 PDT

In the annals of celebrity scandal, the question of whether a Saved By the Bell co-star fibbed about his chest hair would surely rank below most — but not to the aggrieved, vigilant readers of Star magazine. After Mario Lopez gave an interview with People where he testified — under oath, no doubt — that he has never had to manscape, Star dug out old photos of the Dancing with the Stars alum that tell a different tale. What started as an eagle-eyed catch by connoisseurs of celebrity skin quickly became full-on outrage as fans of Lopez flocked to the forum to castigate their former idol. Said Star:

Apparently honesty isn't always the best policy for Mario Lopez.

Last week, Star told you that Mario was double-timing his recent ex, Karina Smirnoff, with a Hooters waitress. Now, we've caught him telling another fib.

Recently named to a magazine's hot bachelor list, Mario was asked during the accompanying interview if he "manscapes," which means removing excess body hair via waxing, shaving, laser or plucking. He responded, "Not at all. That's the Latin Indian blood in me. My Dad has a hairy chest, but I don't."

So how come he has a hairy chest in this 2003 photo... and a bare one in a more recent one?

J'accuse! Reader "blah" recoiled in shock, spitting, "What a liar! You can see the stubble on his ta'ta's... He is a complete loser!!" But perhaps no one was more hurt than "chris," who said, "I think Mario is pretty dishonest. He talks about how religious he is, and has such a strong faith. Excuse me...since when is not being honest ok?"

Indeed, Chris! Did Moses (or whoever) die for our sins so that Mario Lopez could lie to Hollywood publications about his smooth chest? Who among us will stand idly by while the pecs of Hollywood's so-called "Christians" go unchecked? Kudos, Star magazine: only one tabloid had the guts to adhere to that most forgotten of commandments (Commandment 9c): "thou shalt not worship false razors."

[Photo Credit: Star Magazine]

Did Mario Lopez Fib about His Hairy Situation?! [Star Magazine]

A.C. Slater's Abs Make Us Reconsider Our Wayward Youth

Molly Friedman — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 14:07:43 PDT

Remember when A.C. Slater used to strut around The Max in his orange short shorts and sweat-drenched wrestling muscle tees? All while dousing the rest of the cast with the greasy goo dangling from his curly mullet? And how much it kinda grossed you out to the point where you decided from then on you would never, under any circumstances, be attracted to dimpled, mullet-wearing wrestlers? Well, Defamer would like to officially announce that things have changed. Mario Lopez is no longer a bicycle-pants wearing meathead, he's a bonafide contestant for Best Male Body In The Universe. And he's got a new workout book to prove it! But we decided to go ahead and compare the original AC to the new and improved Mario, just to clarify exactly how far he's come. The before and afters, in all their muscly glory, after the jump:

Here's a couple of photos of AC on SBTB, from his curiously tan appearance at a wrestling match to a promo photo taken with Zach Morris (sorry Mark Paul, but we had to crop you out).

And here are more recent candids of actor/Dancing With The Stars contestant/former Animal Channel host Mario Lopez:

Though this particular Defamer editor is of the female persuasion, we may just have to pre-order that tome from Amazon ASAP, if only for the pictures. Oh, by the way, if someone had informed our 14-year old self that we'd one day be lusting after Slater (of all people!), we would have laughed our tweenyboppin' ass off.

COVER FOR MARIO LOPEZ'S WORKOUT BOOK [ONTD]