George Clooney, Unsexiest Dancer Alive

The Old Clooney And The Sea

Clooney Super Fan Almost Finished With 'Women Of Clooney' Scrapbook

Boob-Job Shocker! Model/Escort Sarah Larson May Have Opted To Surgically Increase Chest Size!

In a breaking celebrity-dumpee cup-enlargement stunner, In Touch Weekly is reporting that Sarah Larson, the woman who spent one year as George Clooney's girlfriend before being unceremoniously relieved of all arm-candy-tendering services, was actually recovering from breast enhancement surgery when she received the life-changing news. They report:

George Clooney broke up with his model girlfriend, Sarah Larson, shortly after she had a breast augmentation in mid-May. Was surgery the final straw in their already fractured relationship?

Unlike Rest Of World, Sarah Larson Shocked To Learn She Was Little More Than Clooney Arm Candy

Even though she spent nearly a year silently standing by George Clooney's side at movie premieres and on jaunts to the United Nations, it seems that Sarah Larson forgot the first rule about Being George Clooney's Girlfriend. Namely, you do not talk about Being George Clooney's Girlfriend. Just days after her extensive interview with Harper's Bazaar hit the stands — one in which she confessed that "I don't think [George] has any trouble getting anything he wants" — she suddenly and quickly found herself on the receiving end of that maxim. Unfortunately for her, she learned that what Clooney wanted was for her to give back his garage door opener and hitchhike her way back to Vegas. Now, details have begun to emerge from the Larson camp about their breakup, ones that predictably cast a sympathetic light on the comely sandworm emulator. Serving as part of a vast right-wing conspiracy against noted lefty Clooney, Fox News reports:

“She thought they were getting married. Instead, she got dumped,” a friend said. “She’s really upset. Devastated.”

· From clingy dresses to canine masturbation, from mean-spirited reviews to disappointed Cosmo swillers doling out handjobs, we found ourselves oversexed in our city.
· The same cannot be said for Clay Aiken — he's pregnant!
· We were accused of being part of an "extraordinary smear campaign" after passing along a tip about Dan Aloni's alleged angry outburst on the Fox lot.
· Angelina Jolie gave birth to two lovely, genetically perfect children named Isla Marcheline and Amelie Jane. Wait, no she didn't. That left Entertainment Tonight paying the ultimate price.
· George Clooney bought Sarah Larson a one way ticket to Dumpsville.
· Lindsay Lohan's lesbian love was generously endorsed by Michael Lohan.
· Ben Silverman forgot to sync his Blackberry, enraging Ari Emmanuel [sic].
· We found out Kirsten Dunst wasn't drunk or drugged, just depressed. Then her pants caught fire.
· Sharon Stone got bit by the karma chameleon.
· The season finale of 'Lost' left us all wondering who's in the casket? Hint: he feels good!
· 50 Cent pulled a Left Eye (allegedly).
· We saved you $150K.
· Rachel [sic] Ray was in hot pursuit of extra virgins in the afterlife.
· We wept a little on the inside when Bill Murray's halo was tarnished.
· The End Of Ideas train kept plowing forward, picking up motormouth cops and ouija boards along the way.
· ScarJo CloneGate!
· We paid tribute to the dearly departed Sydney Pollack and Harley Korman (and angered a number of humor-challenged readers along the way).
· The next time we end up drunk in Tijuana, we are definitely getting that Patrick Swayze Centaur tattoo.

Vegas Bartendress Fails To Tame Bucking Bachelor Bronco George Clooney

Call us incurable romantics, but something about the pairing of Hollywood elder statesman George Clooney and Sarah Larson—the Phish-loving, sandworm-emulating Ginger to his Fred—seemed to us more than your standard, fly-by-night arm-candy operation. This was a girl who inspired in George acts of chivalry previously thought not possible—on one occasion requiring him to come nearly to fisticuffs with a physically imposing margarine-spokesman just to protect her privacy. Yes, we naively predicted these two crazy kids would find a way to muddle through, in road rash and in health. We were wrong:

George Clooney has broken up with Sarah Larson after nearly a year of dating.

What Harper’s Bazaar Wants You to Know About George Clooney’s Girlfriend

In the next issue of Harper's Bazaar, George Clooney's sand-loving girlfriend Sarah Larson gets the profile treatment. What follows is a list of things we learned by reading it:
· Sarah Larson was once on Fear Factor, where her crowning achievement was “eating” a scorpion. (When, in fact, she put it in her mouth then spit it into a bucket, which one can only assume is how she eats all her food.)

· She toured the country following the band Phish, making bracelets and sandwiches to trade for gas money. (Although Harper’s fails to mention what she traded for spending money.)

· She studied microbiology (pot?) at Evergreen State College (pot school) and worked in the school’s lab (presumably making pot).

· In 2002, Larson moved to Las Vegas to be close to her ailing father. Who lived in Palm Springs. 300 miles away. Because family's always there when you need them, sort of.

The Clooney Charm May Have Met Its Match

How To Date A Movie Star, By Sarah Larson

If the Learning Annex on Wilshire ever launches a course for cocktail waitresses looking to nab themselves a movie star, we would like to recommend Sarah Larson to teach the class. George Clooney's sand-diving arm candy is truly talented when it comes to catching the attention of impossible-to-land bachelors, and as she revealed in an interview with her hometown paper today, all it takes is a reenactment of those infamous soft-core porny photos she took. While most of us thought Larson caught Clooney's eye at his Ocean's 13 premiere, it turns out the couple may have met on the very same night Larson was snapped levitating and biting her girlfriend's butt. More words of wisdom and fairy tales come true from Sarah after the jump.

As we put this week to bed, it's time to reflect, project, deflect and genuflect on the week that was...
· Big week for Gorgeous George Clooney. His passion project, Leatherheads,
disappointed at the box office (twice!), he was on the receiving end of a threatening phone call and his sand-loving girlfriend turned his bachelor pad into Yankee Candle outlet. Ah, who are we kidding? He can still pull digits with the best of 'em.
· Ellen Page butched it up on Leno and may (or may not!) have dissed Hanoi Jane.
· Certainly, Tom Cruise has had better weeks. MGM tried to spin Valkyrie's second release date pushback as a B.O. ploy, but we knew better.
· Artie Lange and Charlton Heston both had shitty weeks, too. Artie resigned from the Howard Stern Show and Charlton, well, he died.
· The hackiest hack that ever hacked, Uwe Boll, found himself on the wrong end of an online petition that might just end his career (fingers crossed!). Howevs, he was able to leverage the power of the internet to fight back ... twice!
· It was Musical Chairs week at Hollywood's biggest talent agencies. Bob DeNiro bolted from CAA (spurring a hilarious poison pen post from the Death Star), Nick Stevens led one of "the biggest agent migrations in years" when he bolted from UTA to Endeavor and a finch with a mean streak wreaked havoc at CAA shortly after Ashton Kutcher became the agency's newest client.
· Teri Hatcher and Clint Black learned that they're both better off sticking with their day jobs.
· After publicly (and somewhat shadily) announcing that he and his wife were victims of an alleged extortion attempt by his nanny, Rob Lowe displayed the keen ability to turn an adjective into a noun when he coined the term "false terribles."

Sarah Larson Refashions George Clooney's Home Into Something Resembling The 'View' Set

"It's still very much George's place, but she's got her clothes there and she thought [Jo Malone scented candles and fresh flowers] would be nice."

Anonymous Phone Caller Leaves Unwanted Dating Advice On George Clooney's Voicemail

Of Course He Pulled It Off

Newly Surfaced Evidence Suggests George Clooney's Girlfiend Enjoys The Taste Of Sand And Magazines