”Contestants will be whittled down via ‘Hot Tub Elimination Ceremonies’ after which [the] rejected will be asked to leave the bachelor pad dripping wet in a swimsuit, luggage in hand...contestants also will have shots at a ‘group date’ and ‘alone time’ with Jenner in every episode.”

Oh, did we mention the fact that these “contestants” are known as “bros”? Yes, this is a dating show for dudebros who probably don't understand what the word "repression" means. More gruesome details after the jump.

As THR reports, six episodes of the "buzzed about" show starring reality regular Jenner has finally been picked up by MTV as Ryan Seacrest continues his master plan to destroy television by replacing Larry King the instant his suspenders fall by the wayside and by pumping out homoerotic shows week after week. In the case of Bromance, a group of "regular guys" will arrive in Hollywood and compete to become part of Jenner's incredibly elite and elusive "entourage," meaning they will be allowed into Hyde roughly 50% of the time and get to sit in dirty velvet booths alongside the likes of Audrina Patridge. One can only dream. In addition to the aforementioned wet speedo rejection structure, the challenges will range from skydiving to "dealing with the paparazzi." Which will admittedly be difficult, considering the winner will be expected to "deal" with paps by begging them to "please, just please consider taking just one shot of Brody, bro, please? Will a fiver do the trick?"

• 'HILLS' CO-STAR LANDS MTV SERIES [THR]

Jeremy Piven: Piven's sole endearing schtick may be his continuous decision to bring along his mother, acting coach Joyce Piven, as his date to all the big awards show. But considering his history of venomous counter-mom attacks, plus the fact that Joyce trained the far more accomplished John and Joan Cusack, Jeremy is in need of overcoming some very complex issues.

Ben Silverman: The Peacock Prince is, of course, overseeing the show itself, but who better to learn from Ryan how to untangle the apron strings? Despite all the self-love and a head so large we tend to confuse it with a pinata, our Ben has to deal with the fact that his TV exec mother Mary may be responsible for his seat atop the NBC throne. As a NY Magazine story once quoted Mary, "I came home from work one day, and Ben said 'You know what, Mom, [NBC] is my channel and I'm going to run it when I get big.'"

Justin Timberlake: So many issues to work on here! For one thing, Lynn Harless infamously harped on JT for dumping Britney back in the day, tsk tsking him for ruining their Mickey Mouse romance based solely around matching denim outfits. Secondly, like Piven, Timberlake is fond of producing Lynn as his awards show date, despite the fact that she insists on showing more cleavage than Dolly Parton. And after that recent Madonna diss on Ellen, in which Justin essentially bashed all women over 40, we'd like to see Seacrest help these two kiss and make up.

[Photo credits: Wireimage]

• NO ALPHA MALES [NY Post]

A source from within CNN says that Seacrest, who has filled in for his friend Larry King in the past, is involved in "serious negotiations" to take over "Larry King Live" around [2009]'s end.

"He's the classic generalist," King told the Times. "The only thing I don't know, and I've gotten to know him pretty well, is how versed he is in politics, world affairs. Does he read the paper? Is he interested in Iraq? Because if he is, he's going to be very good."

Better than good! He'll be terrific. Seacrest's duties until now have been limited to exchanging red carpet pleasantries, while occasionally offering a mascara-streaked singer who likens her "Idol journey" to the civil rights movement a shoulder to cry on. Imagine if he had access to the kinds of world leaders that his rapidly calcifying predecessor had? He could apply his preternatural, ladies-footwear-identifying gifts to influential heads of state, like President of India, Pratibha Patil! Yes, CNN should just go ahead and draw up the papers today, free from concern over the way Seacrest tends to hover over broadcast legends like a diminutive Angel of Death, waiting for the perfect moment to drop the scythe and snatch the reins from every Merv, Dick, and Larry to wander through his crosshairs.

• Seacrest in, Larry King out? [MSNBC]

boomp3.com

Actress Sophie Monk, who's perhaps best known for dating that one guy from Good Charlotte and more recently pint size American Idol presenter Ryan Seacrest, was accosted by a homeless woman in Beverly Hills. The homeless woman told Monk that she could do so much better than Seacrest and some mall punk guy. Monk played dumb as the woman literally attempted to shake some sense into her. "You have your whole future ahead of you. Don't settle now because other wise you're going to end up on Vh1 trying to date Bret Michaels or, worse, Artie Lange."

[Photo Credit: X17]

"I've never had any work done. I've had a facial or two because I've got to get that makeup out of my pores. Otherwise, I'll look like Pizza Face."

We kid! Certainly there's more to ruling the world than facials, right? As Seacrest himself puts it, "I knew exactly what my path was when I was 9 years old...I knew there'd be about 3 million steps, but I also knew I had to get through them." But how do his idols feel about their replacement? According to Regis Philbin, it was the matter of being the right person at the right time. Then there's the fact that Seacrest has informed The Washington Post that he intends on taking over for Larry King once he, uh, "goes." And fellow talk show host Craig Ferguson has his own opinions on the Seacrest sensation: "Ryan admitted that he cried at Eva Longoria Parker's wedding...Hang in there, Ryan. Someday you'll find someone just like Tony."

But despite all the insults, jabs and jeers from Cowell three nights a week, Ryan's massive success is becoming less and less mockable. Why? He's got cash — LOTS of cash. He takes in $12 mill annually from hosting Idol and he recently inked a 3 year deal with the notorious cheapskates at E! for $21 mill. Now add his (undisclosed) income from radio shows, his clothing line, and endless endorsement deals, and you're looking at a guy who's made a fortune based on good manicures, sexual ambiguity, and a mouth so chatty he really does give Larry a run for his money. If only he could manage to explain that whole "flu" fiasco at this year's Golden Globes, we'd forgo our years of player-hatin' and crown him king.

• THE MAN, THE BRAND, THE PLAN TO RULE TV [Washington Post]
• RYAN SEACREST INC.[Nikki Finke]

1. Rhinoplasty, including a narrowing of the bridge of his nose and sharpening of its tip.
2. A severely drooping left eyelid and much smaller eye suggests a possible eye-lift gone awry, or that his copy is being projected too small on the right side of E!'s malfunctioning teleprompter screen.
3. A noticeable lack of forehead creases and frown lines suggests the use of Botox, or at the very least the application of Adobe's new Botox Photoshop filter.
4. Hair chemically relaxed and highlighted with a partial foil treatment, which may have permanently seared off the left portion of his hairline.
Advanced Questions for Bonus Credit
5. Calf implants.
6. Hot new cosmetic surgery technique VASER High-Definition Liposculpture, for a better-contoured six-pack.

Thanks for playing!

[Photo Credit: WireImage]

• Ryan Seacrest Knows What You Think of Him [Details]

"Days since Giuliana went mysteriously missing from an E! News taping, she has filmed three new E! News episodes, ring-less."

While we are, of course, worried for poor Giuliana, especially given her last romantic disaster with Mrs. Romijn (aka Jerry O'Connell), we're mostly concerned with how Ryan's passive aggressive insults will change. Instead of making his usual jabs like, "Guess she's still in make-up!" or "Sorry the producers picked ME and not YOU to handle the Oscars carpet...better luck next year!" or "Giuliana's just a little embarrassed about being the only E! anchor unable to conceive a child," Seacrest is perfectly capable of moving on to Old Maid jokes or clever asides following every celebrity break-up story, like "So G, you obviously have a LOT of experience in this area...what's it like?"

• AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO'S NOTICED THIS? [ONTD]

Whatever that odor may be (booze? the dreary stench of unrealized dreams?), and however perturbed the Fox anchor may have been when Gary decided to nearly ruin her chance at talking to Clooney, some of the most shocking bits of this clip occur during Gary's on-air apology to Seacrest. As he puts it, "you are an innocent champion of honesty. Your heart has a way of embracing the truth." Now if only Seacrest would Lance Bass the shit out of a glossy or two, we might agree with Busey for the first time in our lives.

• Gary Busey's Apology [Red Lasso]

In years past, producers tried to at least go through the paces of dressing the feyer contestants up as a viable tweenbait, hoping a fedora and loose-hanging necktie would throw their gleefully incurious target audience off of the potent lavender scent. No longer, however. Between Colton "Lesbiman" Berry and Danny "The Singing Christian" Noriega, it seemed as though you couldn't manage to escape someone or thing representin' the G-A-Y on the Idol set: A wall of flames! Ryan Seacrest! That single father who sang "Moon River" and reminded us of that other band! In case you missed the signs—and if you did, we hope you're in coma—Defamer video vixen Molly McAleer has compiled some of the gaylights in one handy montage. Enjoy.

• americanidol.com

It's hard to believe, but before Simon Cowell arrived on our shores to douse the dreams of a generation of deeply deluded underachievers, the STG was a practically nonexistent entity on the pop-culture landscape. Thanks to Idol, however, we can regularly familiarize ourselves with these lovable heartland outcasts during their unspoiled formative years—before they come of age, depart their dead-end towns for gay-friendly metropolitan centers, then monopolize all the retail jobs and gym equipment within a 40-mile-radius. So to every STG with a Kelly Clarkson song in his heart and a dream, we salute you. Gay on, our gay brothers.

• americanidol.com

Having unearthed this long-forgotten treasure, MGM will be selling 39 episodes for syndication; above, a thrilling sneak preview of what we assume will eventually land on NBC's Saturday morning schedule, as the lure of both scoring again with this pre-proven concept and bringing that younger, muscle-suited, frozen-in-mid-90s-time Seacrest (a guy Ben Silverman likes to party with almost as much as Ben Silverman!) into the Peacock family will likely prove irresistible to the hit-recycling executive.

• Kid 'Gladiators' return [THR]
• G2 Gladiators 2000 [YouTube]

"He really is sick! But every other actor shows up to our call times like, hours late, and Ryan came right on time, germs and all."

We are suddenly overwhelmed with newfound respect for the jolly jokester, but also find ourselves haunted by one burning question: how bad of a flu could he POSSIBLY have had if he was unable to cover the Most Important Red Carpet™ of our time yet was able to successfully complete his radio show early this morning AND show up to an hours-long shoot in a stuffy LA studio? As always, with these things, we leave you with this ... DEVELOPING!

Though he did sound a bit stuffy on air, here's what we're wondering: how exactly does a case of the sniffles keep Dick Clark's top protégé from covering the SAGs? While we await an official statement from E! (we called twice), we'd love to see Mr. Perfect's doctor's note. This guy never gets sick and, if he really did, we'd bet good money he'd still show up in his suit, armed with endless "I'm sick, Cate, so as much as I want to hug the shit out of you, I don't want to give you cholera" jokes. So what happened, Ry Guy? Get a sudden zit on your nose? Too busy playing bingo with Ellen? Do tell!

• Live From The 14th Annual SAG Awards [Eonline.com]

She takes full responsibility for her foolhardy actions in the interview, though places a tiny bit of the blame on all of L.A., which, unlike her commuter-friendly hometown of New York, renders it so very difficult to drag oneself home after getting obliterated without the use of one's own vehicle. She also expresses concern that the event will somehow lump her in with a certain breed of messier starlet whose names shall go unmentioned—yet why the former paramour to Brandon "Firecrotch" Davis and Cisco "Balls" Adler would ever think such a thing is anyone's guess. And a special thank-you to Defamer videographer Molly McAleer, who has set the audio clip to an enchanted image party composed entirely of magical creatures, some of which might have danced through the heads of subject and/or interviewer at any given moment throughout the conversation.

• Watch Video
• On Air with Ryan Seacrest

• Dick and Ryan Reunite for a 'Rockin'' New Year's Eve [ETOnline]

While "Tales From the Hoff" will center on a fictional character, the similarities between that character and Hasselhoff are obvious, including Hasselhoff's marital status (he divorced last year). Project stemmed from conversations Hasselhoff had with friends about how his life might inspire an interesting TV show.

As potentially hilarious as watching a lightly fictionalized Hasselhoff try to navigate a Hollywood that's far crasser than the one of his relatively recent lifeguarding heyday with nary a vagina to flash at the single, camera-toting tourist he mistakes for a paparazzo trying to document his El Pollo Loco run sounds, the producers have probably reviewed every episode of the stillborn So NoToriOus and realize the chief creative obstacle they face: No matter how long they lock themselves in the writers' room, they'll never dream up a scenario for their washed-up protagonist more tragicomically surreal than the twenty seconds of floorburger footage that's defined his recent career.

• E! to tell 'Tales From the Hoff' [Var]
• Previously: David Hasselhoff Seizes The Moment [Defamer]

The source adds that while her appearance has not yet been confirmed, "the idea is to have her come on and apologize for the VMAs. She's weighing the offer." [...]

Though Spears has been keeping a low profile since the show, a source tells Us that at least some within her inner circle are receptive to the Emmy idea and are urging her to do it.

However, a source close to Spears says: "I can't say this is 100 percent not true. All I can say is that the Emmy people aren't dealing with her record company, her manager or her agents at William Morris. So if she is doing anything for the Emmys then it's not going through the official channels."

Putting aside for a moment speculation about who exactly comprises the "inner circle" mulling the idea (our best guess is that the strategic thinktank consists of Sean Preston, her other, still-unnamed baby, career-planning chihuahua Mr. Shaky, and a part-time cleaning lady with limited English skills but a kind smile), there is perhaps no one on the planet with more experience in post-trainwreck mob-mollification than Emmy host Seacrest. Even if Spears' apology (and, God willing, an entire do-over performance like the one recently offered by Extra) is met with a shower of catcalls and boos by TV Academy members upset that their big night has been hijacked by a crass, ratings-grabbing publicity stunt, the mesmerizing combination of Seacrest's blinding smile and the hypnotic cadence of his unrelenting positivity will quickly have them cheering like an auditorium full of Idol auditioners who've just been told they're all going to Hollywood.

• Emmys Source: Show in Talks With Britney Spears [USMagazine.com]

Emmy host Ryan Seacrest said Wednesday that he is forgoing an opening monologue in favor of a musical number at the upcoming 59th Primetime Emmy Awards ceremony.

Seacrest said that the Emmy telecast, which is set to air live at 8 p.m. ET (tape-delayed on the West Coast) on Sept. 16 on Fox, will open with a musical number that he "may or may not be" part of depending on "how confident I feel on the 16th."

Asked whether there might be a performance of the Emmy-nominated song "Dick in a Box," originally performed by Justin Timberlake and Andy Samberg on NBC's "Saturday Night Live," Seacrest said Emmy producers are in talks with Timberlake — whose scheduling would be tricky since he has a show that night at Staples Center in Los Angeles — but that nothing is finalized.

It's not entirely out of the realm of possibility that the hit novelty song might in fact wind up the show opener itself, presented in a stunningly mounted production number: As Timberlake and Samberg serenade the crowd about creative last-minute gift ideas, a chorus of scantily clad background dancers climb a giant Christmas present set-piece, unraveling its bow to reveal a smiling Seacrest inside, costumed only in a flesh-colored body stocking as the song's titular "Dick."

• Seacrest's toes tapping for Emmy open [THR]

"Ryan Seacrest is known and loved by television audiences around the world," Fox alternative entertainment prexy Mike Darnell said. "His work on 'American Idol' is unparalleled in the industry. He's a consummate host of major live broadcast events and a proven talent who always makes it look easy, which makes him the perfect choice for this year's Emmy telecast."

"This year's show will be different in a number of ways," [executive producer Ken Ehrlich] said, calling the host "a perfect match for some of the innovative things we have planned."

With both Seacrest and Fox's Minister of Alternative Programming Evil on board, it seems all but inevitable that many of these "innovative things" will be borrowed from the Idol formula; the evening's most poignant moment will come when Outstanding Lead Actor in a Comedy Series loser Charlie Sheen, weeping uncontrollably after Simon Cowell's withering appraisal of his Two and Half Men Work ("Perhaps we'd finally see some chemistry if Jon Cryer were forced to wear a cheerleader outfit each week?"), regains his composure after Paula Abdul delivers an incomprehensible, five-minute soliloquy comparing the actor to a beautiful butterfly she may have hallucinated earlier that morning.

Bonus: A fan on an MSN Idol message board offers a producer's mock-up showing an early vision of how Seacrest and Cowell will make their grand entrance at the ceremony.

• Seacrest to host Emmys [Variety]

After making his bow, Silverman took off for a European vacation. Never let it be said that he doesn't respect his elders. His agenda included visiting Norman Lear in Majorca, as well as Stephen Cannell (The A-Team and Rockford Files). Sometime during his sojourn, Silverman is also hooking up with b.f.f. Ryan Seacrest.

Yes, we said Ryan Seacrest.

Silverman raised eyebrows recently among some at NBC when he brought Seacrest into a marketing meeting. (Seacrest, you might recall, has a multimillion dollar deal at E!, not to mention a few other bits of business that have nothing to do with NBC.) We asked Silverman about Seacrest's visit last week, and he said it was just for fun. But he said Seacrest is one of his best friends and mentioned the planned vacation.

Even though we're sure that Silverman has nothing to fear from his best E! buddy, perhaps he should think twice before inviting the seemingly nonthreatening wingman into his work life; should word get back to fickle boss Jeff Zucker that there's a younger, more ambitious, and more impressively tanned producing talent making waves in the network office, Silverman could one day saunter into one of his mid-afternoon wake-up meetings to discover Seacrest sounding his famous NBC chimes, then have to listen as his supposed friend awkwardly explains, "Oh, hey, the gang said you might be sleeping off a pretty nasty hangover, so they thought I could drop by and give some notes on what we're going to do about the Tuesday 9 pm timeslot. Hope you don't mind. "

• Barry Diller Gets Richer [Slate]

In today's episode: Hilary Swank, Kate Bosworth, and Courtney Love; Nat Faxon; Penelope Cruz and Shakira; Halle Berry; Julia Louis Dreyfus; John C. Reilly; Cuba Gooding Jr; Dave Chappelle; Lionel Ritchie; Henry Rollins; Judd Apatow and Emmanuelle Chriqui; Ryan Seacrest; Paula Abdul; Larry Birkhead; Jason Bateman and Martin Short; Milla Jovovich; Jeremy Sisto and T.R. Knight; Kevin Connolly; Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu; Michael Cera; Adam Levine; John Cho; Rick Schroeder; Pat O'Brien, Dido, and Todd Louiso; Dita Von Teese and Andrew Keegan; and Jake "Body By Jake" Steinfeld.

· A triple header night at Pizzeria Mozza! Sunday night, as we walked up we noticed the paparazzi hiding in the bushes. My first comment to my boyfriend was "Great - I'll have something to email defamer about!"...First celebrity of the evening was Courtney Love, looking pulled together, cleaned up, sober. Really, she looked like just another LA blonde. She was heading to the back room, where apparently Gwyneth Paltrow was throwing a private party. Nope, didn't see Gwyneth. My boyfriend noticed Hilary Swank sitting against the wall at a regular table. She looks smaller in person...very pretty, but I would have been happier seeing her look like her Brandon Teena character. (YUM!). As we were leaving, Kate Bosworth came out of the private party room. Hat trick!

· This morning (June 10), at "Tiny World" (westside baby furniture/gear store) saw Hilary Swank hanging out with a guy checking out furniture. Hmm....

· At the Rose Bowl Flea Market this Sunday, I had the pleasure of
standing behind 'Superman Returns' star Kate Bosworth on line for the venue's obscenely usurious ATMs, whose huge, floppy hat was probably great for keeping the sun off her fair head, but not quite big enough to hide her from identification by fans. Skinny, but not "Kate Bosworth Eating Disorder Shocker" skinny. She was with a guy I didn't recognize, but whose undeniable handsomeness means he's almost definitely an actor/bartender or model/waiter.

Also saw Nat Faxon, who currently stars in virtually every commercial currently on television and who recently sold a screenplay or something. I swear on the life of my nonexistent children that I am not a publicist trying to drum up buzz for his career by saying I saw him at the world's most impressive crap-meet.

· 6/10- Saw Penelope Cruz at the John Mayer show at the Hollywood Bowl. She skipped Ben Folds set and was escorted to her seat right before John came on stage. She was totally in to the show and gushing over Mayer. Found out later that she was with Shakira.

· 6/9 - Saw Halle Berry at the John Mayer concert at the Hollywood. She was sitting in one of the lower level boxes. Was with a couple of other women - no guys with her. Very nice skin.

· 6/10 - around 4:00pm, saw Julia Louis Dreyfus at the new Westwood Landmark Theater. She was coming out of theater 10 (we were coming out from theater 9) and on her way to the bathroom. No makeup, very casual shirt and shorts. You couldn't miss her. She looked like she was with some family and friends.

· Saw a very thin looking John C. Reilly at Safari Sam's on Sunday getting his hillbilly on at the Porter Wagoner show. Go ahead, google Porter Wagoner. You know you want to.

· So I know Cuba Gooding Jr. is a hero and all, what with the incident at Roscoe's over Memorial Day. That being said, I saw Rod Tidwell at the Famous Pinks Hot Dog Stand this past Monday as I was giving my visiting parents a tour of the city. My Girlfriend actually spotted him in line behind us and asked me for a verification and once I recognized the man that gave us such great works as Snow Dogs and Boat Trip, I slyly told my parents who they were about to see. Now being fro out of town, I didn't want them to be the tourists that asked him for his picture or made everyone else aware of his presence in line, as he had been incognito up until then (playing with his crackberry mostly). I told then, they saw and played it cool as well, not making a sound about it. Then of course no more than two minutes later some people further back in the line saw him and starting pestering him for pictures and whatnot. He was very nice to everyone, despite the fact that his son had just joined him in line. In any event, my parents were excited to see a real celebrity, and while I was proud of them for not saying anything to him, I greatly wish I could go back and yell "show me the money" just to see if he'd look in our direction.

· First, there was Lionel Ritchie on my Heathrow to LAX flight on Monday. Looking dapper and bejeweled, he held court by the baggage carousel while a flunkie directed two British Airways baggage handlers which of the bags belonged to Mr. Richie. There were 17 in total. Then after waiting a good 10 minutes for a car to pick him up at the curb (during which time he graciously posed for cellphone camera photos and shook hands) he hopped in the passenger seat and was off.

· Then, yesterday while driving down 3rd street waiting to turn onto Robertson, Dave Chappelle pulled up alongside me in his silver Lexus convertible. He was driving very slowly, stopped when the light was still green, and generally looked disoriented.

· After that, while leaving the Trader Joe's WeHo, I saw a man who looked like an old, frail version of Henry Rollins. And then a woman walked by him and said "I love your shows" and he said "thanks" so I guess it was either really him or just an old man with his own performing career.

· The Grove. Emmanuelle Chriqui was standing outside the theater/restrooms following the 10:15 showing of "Knocked Up". Bad security there, btw. They made everyone wait outside with no supervision , and there were "cutters". And not the Amy Winehouse kind. We responded by cutting the cutters and it get all West Side Story. Anyhoo, she was with a group of people, some of whom looked like they were family. "Knocked Up" with your family? Okaaay. And I'm usually the first to say celebrity girls look even better in person, but she was not nearly as hot as she was on Entourage the following night. My friend assured me that she probably wasn't wearing make-up, but I just call 'em like I see 'em. Sorry, I forgot to say when this happened—it was last Friday night (June 1). And my friend talked to Judd Apatow before the film started; he was milling about in the hallway. There—I gave you a bonus, so don't bust my balls. :D

· Sunday, June 10: At trendy hard-to-get-reservations-at Pizzeria Mozza (Highland & Melrose), unshaven, t-shirted and jeans, Ryan Seacrest was sharing a lunchtime pizza with your typical skinny, blonde Hollywood-type young woman. Despite the close-together tables, (he was sandwiched between two other tables at elbows' distance), no one bothered him and he graciously thanked the people next to him with a fond goodbye.

· 6/10 - Bristol Farms, Bev Hills - I'm waiting for my soppresata panini like a commoner when I spot Paula Abdul standing right next to me. She was very well dressed and my first reaction to her was "just another rich Beverly Hills lady in a push up bra and fancy jewelry." I told her "the girls at the office are going to hate me for seeing you because THEY love you" (a slight hint that I do not watch American Idol). She gave me a sideways hug for this comment. I didn't know what to say next so I called her a "wonderful lady". God I need to work on my Jedi lying skills. I believe she was getting a turkey pesto sandwich - what this says about her is beyond me. Someone else can read into it. Also, I know what you want to know, NO she did not seem drunk. She seemed very lucid and very busy.

· I saw Larry Birkhead at Ralph's on Ventura in Studio City today (June 9). Cart was completely full; he was buying tons of cookies and doughnuts! Looks exactly like he does on tv.. best celeb sighting!

· June 9: Saw Jason Bateman and Martin Short at Cedars-Sinai. Jason is just as cute as on tv but Martin looks very decrepit.

· Saw Milla Jovovich at Nordstroms at the Grove. She was with a man-handler/agent type, really pretty.

· Sunday (6/8) at the Rose Bowl, amongst the unwashed hordes: Jeremy Sisto, mit entourage, and T.R. Knight, looking good, with a girl. Not shopping together, although both were probably thinking they could outsmart the canny old dude selling vintage Star Wars figurines.

· Last night around 7:30pm I was at the Bristol Farms on Doheny trying to figure out what wine to buy. As I come out of an aisle I am nearly run over buy Kevin (the suit) Connolly and his shopping cart, as he races (no exaggeration) the man was running around trying to get his groceries as quickly as possible. Despite my near death experience, it was a good sighting. He's pretty cute in person.

· Not even the most in-demand Mexican director can resist the powers of the Pinkberry. I saw Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu at the Pinkberry on Beverly on Saturday (6/9).

· Cute-as-a-button Michael Cera ("Arrested Development," the upcoming Superbad) was at Palermo's on Vermont yesterday (Sunday June 10th) afternoon. He is very young. And the gnocchi is totally decent there.

Monday, 6/11, 4:45 pm

· Waiting for the bus (I'm poor and new to LA) on Sunset and Vine when I see none other than Adam Levine of Maroon 5 speed by in a sleek-looking Mercedes SUV. Lots of gel in his hair. I'll have to call my girlfriend when I get to Crenshaw.

· Not much of a sighting, but today (6-11) sat next to Harold from "Harold and Kumar" fame (John Cho) while he lunched at Alcove with an Asian girl about his age, and perhaps her mother. Notable only because he discussed how freaked out he was by the fact that when he met with Larry David, the comedian looked exactly like he does on "Curb"—wore the same sort of clothes and spoke the same way. Later in the lunch, his friend asked him if Sacha Baron Cohen was really as brilliant as everyone says—Harold had apparently gone to a "Borat" party—and Harold said yes. Shocking revelations from the younger generation.

· My Saturday night was born with a Silver Spoon in its mouth (June 9). Around 9:30, I walked in on a bizarre "Phantom of the Opera" inspired masquerade costume ball going down on the first floor of wannabe posh lounge Empress on Sunset. Sitting quietly amongst the white wigs, purple masks, and glittering wardrobe was a (Rick Schroeder). Black shirt and normal pants, he was the only civilian dressed soul in a corner table of 8 friends from the 1800s. At 11:30, saw (Alfonso Ribeiro standing in a circle with 4-5 "dudes" drinking bottled beers in the back room (its not a VIP) at LAX. No, I cant get you in anywhere when you come to visit LA.

· I attended Largo both Friday and Saturday nights to see Jon Brion. Friday night won for Most Random Sighting - Pat O'Brien. Homeboy is tall, but so tanned and generally weather-beaten that I couldn't tell whether he still had a moustache from where I stood. Turns out he does. One of my friends scored a table right next to his. She said he looked uninterested through most of the show. I guess Botox will do that.

Saturday night we spotted Dido hanging around as well as Todd Louiso, who played Dick - the nerdy, mild mannered record store clerk in High Fidelity. He was accompanied by an attractive brunette in a classy black dress.

· Andrew Keegan at (6/8) Friday's Hollywood Bowl Morrisey concert. (hey, I like 10 Things I Hate About You!) He still looks all right. He was carrying a picnic bag.

Dita Von Teese on (6/9) Saturday at the Bossa Nova on Sunset having lunch with two older female companions, I'm guessing they were family members. She looked stunning in a burgundy red dress with white polka dots on it.

· Body by Jake (Jake Steinfeld) on a very delayed flight from JFK to LAX Sunday night.

Amazingly, the no's are beating the yes's 2:1, leading us to suspect that ex-girlfriend Shana Wall's claims in the same issue that "Ryan is not gay, nor is he bisexual...We had an amazing and passionate relationship for a few years, and we are still very close" may have had undo sway over the gaydar-challenged electorate. We won't divulge which way we voted, saying only that the magic of Seacrest—regardless of whether or not he's gay or straight, alien hologram or flesh and blood—lies precisely in his uncategorizable ambiguousness, a blank slate upon which to project the hopes of anyone who ever dreamed of hulaing their way into America's hearts.

• Do you think Ryan Seacrest is gay? [In Touch]
• American Idol 'Outing' Cancelled: Seacrest's Ex Says He's Straight [Nat'l Ledger]

• Paula Abdul, Cowell Chummy In Real Life [CBSNews.com]

On The View this morning, Outed-Stars-Of-American Idol's Rights crusader Rosie O'Donnell continued the campaign she began when she lambasted Kelly Ripa for her "homophobic" remarks about rumored fisting-enthusiast Clay Aiken's hands with her thoughts on the all-boy catfight heard round the world last night. (In case you missed it, Simon Cowell urged Ryan Seacrest to emerge from the closet, hinting that their recent mercy-mission might have been the lustiest safari tryst since Robert Redford wooed Meryl Streep in Out Of Africa.) The evidence that Seacrest might be batting for the West Hollywood Powerbottoms is rather compelling, particularly after viewing this Gawker montage of some of the finest pec-carressing moments of his career. Then again, there is evidence pointing to the contrary—particularly this clip of Seacrest modeling Scooby Doo Boxers, something no self-respecting Gay would ever be caught dead in.

• Ryan Seacrest: His Straightest Moments [Gawker]

In the lawsuit, [Magdaleno] Olmos claims "Vazquez stared lasciviously, smiled lasciviously ... and on one occasion followed him into a bathroom ... knocked on the door of the plaintiff's stall and made eye contact through the space in the stall door."

The lawsuit alleges that Vazquez "started to rub his genitals over his pants. Attempting to leave the bathroom, Olmos opened the door of the stall and saw Vazquez standing in front of him with his pants down masturbating."

According to the documents, Vazquez pushed Olmos "further into the stall and continued masturbating with one hand and trying to pull down Olmos' pants with another hand.

Vazquez dropped out of Idol shortly after the bathroom incident, confounding just about everyone, including the "family" he cited as the reason: His shocked mother told the NY Post at the time, "I don't know why he quit. This is the first I am hearing of it," and his older brother said that Mario had told him, "'This is not a life-threatening situation. It's for the best reasons. But I can't talk about why." Of course, this all happened two seasons ago, when the show still operated under the misconception that it was some sort of bastion of family entertainment. There's no telling how the issue may have played out in the Antonella Barba-era, free-swinging Idol, when overcrowded bathroom stall contestant/production accountant gay orgies are a common pre-show, nerve-alleviating indulgence.

• "A.I." Contestant Accused of "Masturbating" in Suit [TMZ.com]

We realize many of you lead busy and somewhat fulfilling lives, and, despite how much you might have wanted to, that it was simply unrealistic to drop everything in order to attend Madame Tussauds Las Vegas's premiere of their brand new wax likenesses of Ryan Seacrest and Simon Cowell. This gallery of photos from the event, however, provides the next best thing to being among the first to witness the unveiling of the greatest single paraffin-related endeavor for the American Idol stars since the two celebrated the premiere of their blockbuster show's sixth season by booking themselves into the W's Bliss Spa for a day of full-body depilation and pampering.

• Wax Tracks: Madame Tussauds Las Vegas Unveils Interactive American Idol Experience [VegasPop]

• Ryan Seacrest kisses Christina Aguilera at midnight! [YouTube]

We realize not all of you will be out traipsing around your town this coming New Year's Eve, choosing instead to spend your final moments of 2006 in the comforts of your homes with ABC's own Father Time and Baby New Year—i.e. Dick Clark, whom they promise will be "back, live," and his bushy tailed yet meticulously manscaped replacement, Ryan Seacrest. And while we were giddily combing through photographs of the final touches being put upon the famed Times Square ball whose descent will be counted down by millions, it suddenly occurred to us that it was she—that shimmering, totemic orb symbolic of our communal progression—whom Seacrest should have been planting one on all along, and not Teri Hatcher! Congratulations, Ryan: You are the future.

[Photo: Getty Images]

• Clark, Seacrest will rock in new year [USA Today]

4. Dreamgirls Is This Year's Brokeback Mountain.

We got a call from a friend on Monday, who gave us this report from a Dreamgirls screening in New York: "The entire audience was gay men and straight women." Indeed, Dreamgirls (our favorite movie of the year — our being mine, I'll give the guys a break on this one) is the gayest romp since Heath and Jake zipped their sleeping bags into a single love cocoon. Those outfits! That hair! That weird gay disco dancing scene with the huge red light sabers! An overweight black diva! We only hope this movie is wearing protection as it thrusts its power ballads up into your musical loving ass.

We're going to savor that last sentence for a while, trying our best to ignore its deeply offensive implications that a movie musical based loosely on the life of Diana Ross could be so gay, it could actually cause audiences to seroconvert.

• The 10 Best 10 Best Lists of 2006, #3: The 10 Gayest Moments of 2006 [BestWeekEver.tv]

In today's episode: Kirstie Alley; Tom Hanks; Ben Affleck; Robert Downey Jr.; Tim Meadows; Star Jones; Keanu Reeves; Robert Wagner; Ryan Seacrest; Reese Witherspoon, Amber Valetta and Kirsty Hume; Sidney Poitier; James Woods; Larry Flynt; Ellen Pompeo and Eric Dane; Justin Chambers; Meg white, Devendra Bernhard and Zooey Deschanel; Bryan Singer; Drew Barrymore and Slash; Jason Schwartzman; Rachel McAdams, Robin Tunney, Clea Duvall and Sarah Michelle Gellar; Kirsten Dunst; Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott; Peter Bogdonavich and Henry Winkler; Adrian Grenier; Clay Aiken and Paul Moyer; Rebecca Romijn, Jerry O'Connell, Lance Bass, Reichen Lehmkuhl and Joshua Jackson; Weird Al Yankovic; Donald Faison; Johnny Galecki; Madeleine Stowe and Annabeth Gish; Dyan Cannon; Tucker Carlson; Steve Coogan; Shane West; Gus Van Sant and Casey Affleck; Melissa Rivers; Rebecca De Mornay; Troy Garrity; Richard Kahan; Mayim Bialik; Ashley Madison; Gedde Watanabe; Jason Wahler; Paris Latsis and Laurie Ann Gibson.

· Saturday night (9/30) I went to the ArcLight to see a showing of The Last Kiss with a friend. Kirstie Alley was directly in front of me in line to buy tickets, she looked surprisingly trim and attractive, although her hair had obviously not been washed or brushed in days, which somehow made her appear more normal to me and my friend. She was with three kids, two of which I know are hers and one might have been a friend. Anyway, I swear they took about 45 mins to buy their tickets because they kept changing their minds about which show to see, first she bought 4 tickets to see The Black Dahlia, and then returned them and bought 4 tickets to see The Last King of Scotland, and then returned those to buy 4 tickets to see the Black Dahlia again! Everyone in line was fuming and she never even turned back to apologize or acknowledge that she had held up the line forever!

· Saw Tom Hanks at Tacos Por Favor on Olympic in Santa Monica this afternoon (10/02) with some friends/business buddies. He looked laid back and wore Lee jeans, like a true American. Nobody said anything or interrupted his lunch. I think he had a burrito. And a Diet Coke.

· A group I was with purchased a table at the Empire Ballroom in Vegas 4ish in the morning this past Sunday. Just as we were sitting down, some guy sidesteps me and begins barking orders to the bouncer. Offended, I informed him we had just purchased the table, it was the last open table, and would he please move. He looked up at me, ok so it's Ben Affleck, asked me if I was with some film group, and told me they would get me another table. The convo went back and forth for a bit, but it was I who ended up staying at the table. I'm pretty sure they got him another one.

·Early Saturday morning (9/30), out for a spin, driving west down
Colorado Avenue in Santa Monica when who do I see but the new Iron Man
himself, Robert Downey Jr., out for a walk or something. He did not
respond to my car horn honk.

Monday (9/2), former SNL token black guy and 'Ladies Man' Tim Meadows, doing his best to wear out the treadmill at Gold's Gym in Venice.

· So I was in town for a quick fall shopping trip with a friend from SD and managed to bump into the following:

9/21 - Star Jones shopping on Robertson - being totally stalked by paparrazzi - yikes, must have been a slow day for paps if that's all they could muster up..She looked as you'd expect - kind of a too big head for her figure..No Al in sight...

9/21 - Il Sole for dinner - Keanu Reeves was having dinner near us on the patio, was with a tall blonde - she was kind of "horsy" in the face -it didnt really look like a date..He was on his cell most of the time..but I guess that doesnt mean much..

9/22 - a very waxy looking Robert Wagner on the patio at Orso with Jill St John and some kids in tow - maybe theirs? It was hard to tell.. he looked so plastic it was almost like a caricature of himself. Doris Roberts was there as well having lunch with someone inside..The only reason I caught her was seeing her hair from across the room..

9/23 Hit Sushi Roku on 3rd for a late lunch and Ryan Seacrest was there -trying very hard to look hetero with a pretty, petite (skeletal) blonde. He was super casual in jeans and tee, and big baseball hat pulled very low..After lunch, they left in a black Bentley with new plates..He must be happy to be back from BFE AI auditions..Probably cant' get decent sushi or rent a Bentley in Iowa..

· trifecta of blondes at Barney's today (9-28). A petite Reese Witherspoon and friend buying jeans, along with Amber Valetta doing the same. later, wandering the floor was Kirsty Hume. Wow, tall and gangly. After, did a quick run through Neiman's, alongside of Russell Crowe.

· 9/23 Sidney Poitier walking into Bristol Farms in BH as I walked out with a bag full of French cheese. He looked very stately (but balding) and gave me a strange look, possibly because I had Siouxsie Sioux makeup on for the Totally 80s concert at the Hollywood Bowl.

· 10/1 Saw James Woods and a very young girl walking a tiny dog this morning on Burton Way near the Hermitage Hotel. He was holding the leash and looked at me as I rode by. She looked about 15.

· 9/28 Saw the HUSTLR Rolls in the driveway of the 4 Seasons and the back of Larry Flynt's head. He was in his gold wheelchair as usual.

· Tuesday, September 26th at 1:30 p.m. Driving in Los Feliz. I caught a glimpse of a very Hollywood-looking couple in a black Range Rover two cars behind me. Couldn't see them clearly in the rear view mirror, but the rugged good looks of the guy and the big sunglasses and pouty lips of the girl made me wonder if I was on the verge of a coveted Brad and Angie sighting. I parked and grabbed a table at the Alcove just as the Range Rover pulled up in front. As it turns out, it was Ellen Pompeo and Eric Dane (McSteamy). Ellen looked cute and casual in tight jeans, a sweater and black Converse. She is very thin but not any more so than half of the aspiring actresses in this town. I am happy to report that she enthusiastically ate a decent meal. Eric was strikingly handsome, in spite of the strange facial hair. And despite what my scandal-happy mind hoped for, it seems like Ellen and Eric are just friends/co-workers.

· When taking a walk in my nabe I saw two men (one white dude, one black) with a bunch of African American kids under the age of ten. I recognized Justin Chambers as one of the guys, and knew it had to be him b/c I knew he has a lot of kids — which makes him only hotter in real life. Guess he got out of work early to spend some time with the fam. Good for him.

· Went to the Little Joy, our default Echo Park dive bar, and quickly realized that the shockingly awesome DJing was being done by the expert threesome of Meg White, Devendra Berhard, and Zooey Deschanel. They were all crammed into the tiny DJ booth and having a grand time. Zooey is absolutely stunning and Meg White was actually cracking a smile or two. Devendra looks like a girl. Good times.

· Bryan Singer, Orso, Monday Oct. 2. I wanted to say Superman Returns was a snore, but