Martha's Vineyard Detox Diet: Followers include ridiculously skin-and-bones supe Gisele Bundchen, weight loss master Robin Quivers and the muscular Madonna. The 21-day detox promises devotees to shed 21 pounds in that many days "by subsisting on live juices, enzymes - and regular colonics." Fun!

The Master Cleanser: Reportedly what Beyonce used in order to nab her Dreamgirls role, Vince Vaughn allegedly follows the lemon juice liquid diet, and Jared Leto shed his Chapter 27 weight by drinking the "water mixed with lemon, maple syrup and cayenne pepper" cocktail as well. Yum!

Dr. Joshi's Holistic Detox: Fans include the clavicle-flashing Gwyneth Paltrow, original waif Kate Moss and currently slim Ralph Fiennes. The main focus is avoiding acidic and toxic foods, but the downside hardly sounds worth it, and sort of explains Kate's moody expressions in photo after photo: "Users report headaches, stomach pains, nausea and fatigue." Even more fun!

[Photo credits: Getty, Wireimage, FilmMagic]

• CELEB DETOX DIETS MAY PROVE HARD TO SWALLOW [NYDN]

And what sort of enlightened activities are the new LA couple up to these days? Well, for one thing, the pair is fond of staging elaborate spiritual lessons, including photos of the as-yet-unnamed guru teaching Bimbo Summit leader lessons from a book called The Path To The Painted Shaman, and driving around LA drinkin' Starbucks and talkin' inner peace. Though we're reminded of Paris's five-second religious awakening, that period merely included staged photos of Paris clutching the Bible (which she, uh, apparently didn't actually read), this new fella in Paris' life may actually be doing some good. According to the Daily Mail, The Bearded One has already convinced the lingerie-wearing birthday girl to "give away a piece of diamond jewelery as they wandered the streets together." Geez, and all Duke's healer did was run off with all her money. Maybe this five-minute fling may actually do some good?

[Photo Credit: X17]

• THE ODD COUPLE: PARIS HILTON TOURS LA WITH BUDDHIST MONK FRIEND [Daily Mail]

In today's episode: Sean Penn; Mark Wahlberg; Ben Affleck; Ralph Fiennes; James Woods; Jessica Biel; Courtney Love; Randy Johnson; Jessica Simpson and Jewel; Stanley Tucci and Maura Tierney; Patrick Dempsey and Michelle Monaghan; Paula Abdul and Tony Schiena; Danny Bonaduce; Scott Speedman; Johnny Knoxville; Jesse Bradford; Paul Mazursky; George Lopez; Monica Lewinsky and Emily Bergl. In San Francisco: Owen Wilson.

· Sean Penn driving East on Santa Monica Blvd. on 5/1 about 6pm by Trader Vics in a grey Audi RS4, looking very tan. Nice ride.

· Friday 7:30ish walking home from early drinks at Ketchup (fun place) was with a friend from out of town and we came around the corner on sherbourne just above sunset on our way up to our street and walked right by Mark Wahlberg sitting in his black Mercedes SUV talking to some guy and signing something. It must have been business because i think he has offices right on the corner.............My friend was thrilled wanted to run up to him and tell him how much she loved his brother lol!!!

· 1:15pm today, saw ben affleck at rock island wraps in old town pasadena. he was alone, reading the paper and desperately needs to shave the scruff. that's all.

· Thursday, 5/3: Runyon Canyon - Spotted a shirtless Ralph Fiennes trekking up the main road, closer to the top of the park. He was with a tall brunette gal and gleaming with sweat, but had no dog. He's quite tall. And pale. Which makes sense, since he's Voldemort. Also spotted Eddie Jemison (Livingston Dell from the Ocean's Eleven movies)—he seemed very sweet. He was with another guy, who was walking a puggle.

· I just saw Ralph Fiennes in front of the Hermitage BH. He was talking to an industry "type" who was saying: "It's a great story about . . ." I kept walking on very coolly. But was sort of stoked! He was wearing a floaty shirt right out of the English Patient and khaki pants. He looked pretty cute.

· Tuesday 5/1, 11:15a, Old Town Pasadena: - while walking down Colorado Blvd. saw Celine Dion carrying a ginormous Tiffany's parcel, headed toward/ chatting to someone who looked like her assistant.

· I just saw James Woods and his teenage girlfriend and their little doggy getting into a grey Jeep Cherokee in front of the Hermitage, BH. People keep telling me he's hung like a horse. Is that true? Should I stop and ask him next time?

· Enjoying a leisurely Sunday (4/29) afternoon shopping trip at Ritual Adornments (DIY jewelry shop on Main Street in Santa Monica) when I noticed Jessica Biel shopping with her friends too. They were picking out beads and getting something made. She's shorter than I thought — but aren't they all. Looked very LA-ish in that I'm a celebrity but look oh.so. Bohemian chic kinda of way — if that makes any sense.

· Sometime last week, Courtney Love taking a purposeful walk down Hollywood Blvd at Ivar. She had on a low-slung cowboy hat, and made an unfortunate decision to bare her newly-tightened midriff (which looked like Jared Leto's arm in "Requiem For A Dream").

Sports might not count to many people here, but on Tuesday (5/1), couldn't avoid noticing Diamondbacks pitcher Randy Johnson at Amoeba. He was in the used section and had someone there helping him look for something I overheard was "UK only" that "doesn't come in often". Famous hockey hair and dirt 'stash were cut pretty tight. 6 foot 10 in person is even more disconcerting than you would expect. Everyone was double-taking at the sheer height.

· Tuesday, 5/1, Dresden Room (again): A group with that certain protected scent of sycophant/privilege walked in all laughs and smiles. I recognized nobody, so didn't think much about it but then Elayne asked me did I see Jessica Simpson was there? I looked over, but the blonde looked nothing like Jessica—turns out Jess has brown hair now and Jewel was the blonde. It was open mic night and they were both good sports enough to sing. Jewel was great, if a little too pleased with herself, and told the horn section to shut up which made more than a few people happy (except the horns). Jessica did "These Boots Are Made for Walkin'," kind of. She claimed shyness, said she didn't want to disrespect Nancy Sinatra and then just sang the chorus while Elayne sang the verses. She gave it the usual Jessica over-the-top talent show star treatment, of which I am a fan. Anyway...I don't know what they were doing on the East side, as there's nothing here.

· At the Elvis Costello concert last night (5-2) at the House of Blues I spotted Stanley Tucci and Maura Tierney ('ER') together. Not sure if they're friends or a couple, but they were wandering the floor together. She looked good, he looked bald.

· 5-2 Don't know if it counts when you see celebs "working", not hanging out with the plebes, but here ya go:

Patrick Dempsey and Michelle Monaghan walking Vermont Blvd in Los Feliz while filming tentatively-titled (according to signs up everywhere warning that you'd be filmed if you walked thru) Made of Honor. Much more exciting than seeing them, however, was the set design turning Vermont/Melbourne into a NYC street corner, steaming manhole cover and all.

· Saw Paula Abdul early this morning at the Burbank airport dropping off her boyfriend, Tony Schiena (Thanks Google) They arrived, with him driving, in a large white Range Rover. She was wearing sweats, sneakers, and a pony tail. He was HOT, if you like the tall, sexy, rugged type. He gave her quite a nice kiss before heading off to the ticket counter. I was also there dropping off my boyfriend and came to 3 conclusions— Paula looks better then I do with no make-up, she has a nicer car, and a better boyfriend—she sucks. Also saw Danny Bonaduce at Starbucks looking like you think he would look.

· (5/1) In the parking lot of the Coffee Bean on Sunset and Fairfax this afternoon I literally almost broke my neck checking out some scruffy guy with aviators. My friend and I walk into the store, moments later the guy walks into the store and takes off his glasses, low and behold it is none other then Scott Speedman (Ben from Felcity, Van Helsing for the boys). And let me tell you, there must be something in the water in Canada, because he was even more gorgeous in person.

· O-M-G just took a swing down to Amoeba records on my lunch break and came face to face with Johnny Knoxville loudly giving another shopper a rundown on the folk music section. I think I was more stunned by the fact that his behavior (abrasive) and appearance (scruffy) exactly matched my expectations of a Knoxville encounter than the fact that I saw him in person. He is pretty hot, though.

· Saw Jesse Bradford at Orso on Monday night (4/30), early dinner...seriously besides him, me and my sister, everyone could have qualified for the early bird special. He looked beyond hot in a white buttondown and was with another guy, not sure what kind of dinner (business? friend? date?)...but don't want to start any rumors so we'll just leave it at that.

· Paul Mazursky parading by Frida's on Beverly Drive yesterday, saw him twice, at least. (5/2)

And George Lopez getting his own coffee at Coffee Bean on Riverside in Toluca Lake (5/3)? Don't these people have nameless assistants for this kind of thing???

· Wed nite May 2nd. Zipping around Sherman Oaks Fashion Square with a girlfriend. She wanted to go to Firefly (too much attitude for the San Fernando Valley) I opted for a quiet drink & salad at Cafe Marmalade. We hit the place about 8:45. Overheard a waitress chatting w/2 NY'ers about something banal when I heard "on Barbara Walters........" which piqued my interest. I headed toward the loo when I noticed a nice looking female brunette (we locked eyes for a brief second) sitting with this fat, nebbish looking fellow. Looked like Monica Lewinsky? I stopped our waitress and yes she wasn't sure either. About 9pm in walks the parents; I immediately recognize Dr. Lewinsky as the oncologist who was written up in a local magazine as he is some sort of part time artist. Same article failed to mention his lovely daughter. As we left Momma Lewinsky (she is very very loud-typical SFV Jew momma) blabbed on about nothing. The next day 8 different friends asked if me ML had on a navy dress........

· saw EMILY BERGL (yes...i imdb'd it), Annie the cute red-headed girl on Men In Trees, earlier today 5/2. what??! so i've watched it a few times. she was standing at the corner of Sunset + Cahuenga, waiting for the light to change. she was alone, looking lost and confused, but she was wearing a really cute hat.

Bay Area Butterscotch Stallion Edition:

· I almost feel guilty writing this in, but I was in SF this weekend, enjoying my Salted Caramel ice cream from Bi Rite Creamery & heading down from Delores Park when the Butterscotch Stallion (Owen Wilson) himself strolled on by, alone & fairly inconspicuous- well as inconspicuous as a Kate Hudson-loving man can be in the Bay Area...OK, I don't feel all that guilty anymore....

"It's a delicate line," [Marian Dunn, director of the Human Sexuality Center of SUNY Downstate Medical Center] says. "Some of these things, such as having sex in a public place, are kind of bipolar in terms of the excitement factor." [...]

But the line between compulsive behavior and simple naughtiness may be difficult to draw in many cases. [Sexuality expert Don] Dyson says there are those who may not have a sexual compulsion, but who exhibit "behavior that some might consider naughty."

Indeed, a diagnosis of Naughtiness II disorder frequently strikes at aging male movie stars and can often become something of a life sentence for the patient, characterized by episodes of acute randiness followed by the serial nailing of attractive, starstruck new acquaintances, also known as "fans." We can only hope Fiennes seeks the professional help he needs in combating this debilitating, cheeky disease, before any more innocent stewardesses are despoiled while pressed uncomfortably against a tiny, stainless steel toilet.

• Ralph Fiennes — Cheeky or Compulsive? [ABCNews.com]

A QANTAS flight attendant faces the sack after being accused of having sex with British actor Ralph Fiennes in an aircraft toilet while flying from Australia to India. [...]

Qantas staff who were aware of the incident said last night the couple were caught after crew members waited outside the toilet.

In a statement lodged with her employer, [Lisa] Robertson denied the allegations.

While conversing with Mr Fiennes during my break, I expressed a need to go to the toilet,'' Ms Robertson said in her statement.

"I went to the nearby toilet and entered it, he followed me and entered the same toilet.

"I explained to him that this was inappropriate and asked him to leave. Mr Fiennes became amorous towards me and, after a short period of time, I convinced him to leave the toilet, which he did."

Robertson's entire statement is available here—a must-read for the erotic denial fetishists among you—though, at over 1500 words, wethinks the stewardess lady doth protest too much. Despite her longwinded explanations to the contrary, however, it will be hard for her to counter the eyewitness testimony of her co-workers—particularly the fellow flight attendant whom Robertson, eager to share her exciting new secret, approached while stocking the drink cart and whispered, "You're not going to believe this, but I just played 'catch the Golden Snitch' with Lord Voldemort at 30,000 feet!"

• Ralph Fiennes in sex scandal [The Daily Telegraph]

Ralph Fiennes Interviews Andy about Runway!

I've been quietly bugging my pal Ralph Fiennes to let me interview him for his entire (sold out, enchanting, critically acclaimed) run of "Faith Healer" on Broadway. He mentioned to me several months ago that he'd been hearing quite a lot about "Project Runway" and wanted to know what the fuss was about. I sent him the entire second season on DVD. Would you believe that the English Patient himself devoured those DVD's and became a "Runway" addict like the rest of us? After watching the DVDs he suggested a brilliant idea perfectly suited for an egomaniac like myself. "I am sick of being interviewed," he confessed. "But I have an idea. How about I interview YOU about 'Project Runway' for your blog?"

And that's exactly what the Academy Award-nominated actor does, pressing Andy for sensational details, such as which contestants have "made it work" between the sheets. (Cohen postulates that second season's Santino may have ultimately found more Andrae than he initially bargained for.) It's definitely a color to the respected actor we haven't seen before, which might ultimately detract from future viewings of Schindler's List, when we picture Fiennes screeching "Noooooo! Not the silk charmeuse! Your draping skills will be the end of you!!!" to a contestant he felt may have gotten a little off track.

• Ralph Fiennes Interviews Andy about Runway! [Andy's Blog]