'Rachael Ray Show' Overrun By Litigious Aneroxics

In what will easily go down as the Most Insane Legal Filing of the Long Weekend, a male employee at The Rachael Ray Show has named producer CBS and several other staffers in a legal filing seeking $1.5 million in damages for anorexia discrimination. From TMZ:

Admitted anorexic Aaron Ferguson just filed suit in Manhattan, alleging that his boss — the "Rachael" accountant — slammed the show's executive-in-charge, Priscilla Taussig, as "too skinny to do her job," demeaned anorexics as "sick in the head," and even commented, "Did you see Priscilla today ... all you can see are her sickly bones."

· From clingy dresses to canine masturbation, from mean-spirited reviews to disappointed Cosmo swillers doling out handjobs, we found ourselves oversexed in our city.
· The same cannot be said for Clay Aiken — he's pregnant!
· We were accused of being part of an "extraordinary smear campaign" after passing along a tip about Dan Aloni's alleged angry outburst on the Fox lot.
· Angelina Jolie gave birth to two lovely, genetically perfect children named Isla Marcheline and Amelie Jane. Wait, no she didn't. That left Entertainment Tonight paying the ultimate price.
· George Clooney bought Sarah Larson a one way ticket to Dumpsville.
· Lindsay Lohan's lesbian love was generously endorsed by Michael Lohan.
· Ben Silverman forgot to sync his Blackberry, enraging Ari Emmanuel [sic].
· We found out Kirsten Dunst wasn't drunk or drugged, just depressed. Then her pants caught fire.
· Sharon Stone got bit by the karma chameleon.
· The season finale of 'Lost' left us all wondering who's in the casket? Hint: he feels good!
· 50 Cent pulled a Left Eye (allegedly).
· We saved you $150K.
· Rachel [sic] Ray was in hot pursuit of extra virgins in the afterlife.
· We wept a little on the inside when Bill Murray's halo was tarnished.
· The End Of Ideas train kept plowing forward, picking up motormouth cops and ouija boards along the way.
· ScarJo CloneGate!
· We paid tribute to the dearly departed Sydney Pollack and Harley Korman (and angered a number of humor-challenged readers along the way).
· The next time we end up drunk in Tijuana, we are definitely getting that Patrick Swayze Centaur tattoo.

Easy-Meal Jihadist Rachael Ray Promised 72 Extra-Virgins In Paradise

• Ray Is Latest Celeb Accused of Ara-fashion [abcnews.go.com]

'Ellen' Tries To Poop On The Rachael/Rosie Love Parade

A spokesperson for the Rachael Ray show confirms the report. "Yes we did receive a legal complaint from Telepictures about Rachael Ray's tribute to Rosie. We think the complaints are invalid and without merit. We stand by the show. And, it will air as scheduled ... May 2."

Why Oprah And Rachael Ray Hate Each Other, In Words And Pictures

Frankly, we don't know what might have come between Oprah Winfrey and Rachael Ray, the easy-meal guru and multimedia mogul whose career she helped to launch. But there it is, plain as day, on the cover of the new issue of trusted celebrity news source National Enquirer: "YOU MAKE ME SICK!" Four little words that will change...everything. Obviously, there was no guaranteeing that all Harpo hatchlings would remain as loyal to their mentor as, say, a Nate Berkus, available round-the-clock to board an O-emblazoned helicopter whisking him off to solve 4 a.m. window-treatment crises in Santa Barbara. Even Dr. Phil, that unspeakably bald evil that Winfrey almost certainly wishes she could undo, maintains a level of civility with his Maker. But not that pistol Ray—her feisty Sicilian and Cajun ancestries rendering her even more ornery than a cankle-afflicted Kirstie Alley.

• nationalenquirer.com
• NATIONAL ENQUIRER: FACE-OFF BETWEEN OPRAH & RACHAEL RAY! [coverawards.com]

Despite Cancellation Rumors, Rachael Ray Performs Nicely Among Highly Coveted Alter Kaker Demo

Page Six has ignited quite the firestorm with their report today that Rachael Ray, the homecooking guru whose open-mouth circumference quite improbably exceeds that of her entire head, is at high risk for cancellation. The reason: dwindling ratings and a rapidly aging demographic, whose calcified joints can barely manage to crack open a bottle of EVOO. (We wont get into the hard numbers here, but if you're really interested, the Sixers throw up a bunch of pie charts and nanaimo bar graphs to prove their point.) But wait! A representative from King World disputes their claims, saying Ray has managed to even outperformed the talk show deity who fashioned her in her own image out of a variety of dipping sauces. From HuffPo:

Rachael Ray's Pearly Whites And Hulkster's Pythons Reaffirm Our Faith In America, Brother!

Rachael Ray Shares Formative, Psyche-Scarring Moment With A Scandalized America

And here we thought The Martha Stewart Show was the only place to tune for a slice of darkly awkward pie: Dirty Jobs host Mike Rowe popped by The Rachael Ray Show today to discuss the always-appetizing topic of roadkill removal. It was clearly a sensitive subject for the home-cooking guru, who soon admitted to a past littered with vehicular critterslaughter. Nothing, however, could have prepared the audience for the conscience-clearing admission that was to come, a tale so shocking it was immediately met with an audible gasp from the studio audience, followed by a sneaking suspicion that the secret ingredient in her signature Meaty Mac n' Cheese might not be "lean ground beef" as the recipe officially calls for. The chilling confession after the jump.

• Watch Video
• Rachael Ray Show

Rachael Ray Does Her Impression Of A John Cusack-Convention Nerd

For American women of a certain age—let's say, somewhere around the Ricki Lake/Rachael Ray generation—the utterance of the very name John Cusack is enough to instantly reawaken first stirrings of celebrity puppy-love ecstasy. Give those women their own talk shows and a captive audience with the boombox-hoisting object of their romantic adolescent fantasies, however, and things can quickly get pretty awkward.

God Protects Tracy Morgan From Any Possible Floormuffin Bacteria

· Not only did 30 Rock star Tracy Morgan not offer to impregnate all the women in Rachael Ray's audience yesterday, he taught us a superior version of the old Five Second Rule: "God made dirt, and dirt don't hurt."
· Elton John wins a "Maori Academy Award": a bird-feather cloak, which sounds both more fashionable and practical that the little statue Hollywood hands out.
· Please construct your own sketchy British tabloid story based on the following elements: Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, threat, lesbian, sex tape.
· Daniel Radcliffe screams in agony as his favorite Equus prank, "Hey, watch me hump the big metal horse head again!," goes horribly awry due to an unexpected genital-entanglement issue.
· Who could have possibly foreseen that lesser Baldwin Daniel might again run afoul of the law?

'Big Bang' Actress May Be The Best Blindfolded Blackberry Typist In All of Hollywood

Our favorite part of The Rachael Ray Show—pretty crazy that we have one, right? You know, besides the segments where she blows our minds by preparing economical meals in an impossibly speedy timeframe—has always been Stupid B-List Actress Tricks, where the pathologically perky host invites her semicelebrity besties into the studio to show the world the non-acting-related talents they rarely get to display at their day jobs. Today, Big Bang Theory's Kaley Cuoco dropped by to demonstrate her amazing ability to accurately Blackberry without looking at the device's tiny keyboard, a trick that enables her to safely keep her eyes on the highway while staying in constant communication with her agent, family, and chatty friends.

• The Rachael Ray Show

Steve Carell Learns The Hard Way That Being A Movie Star Sometimes Subjects You To Rachael Ray

We know Steve Carell came equipped to the Rachael Ray Show with his best "Juliette Binoche and me starring in a romantic comedy—whodathunk it?!" material, but we think the true odd-couple pairing that needs to be spotlighted here is Carell and Ray herself. Nothing quite unsettles us like the shimmering cackles of the easy-meal munchkin—who, we like to imagine, spends her commercial breaks power-smoking Lucky Strikes before gargling a handful of driveway gravel. Sadly, even her interpretive hand-gestures—we think she's mushing Carell and Binoche together like a large wad of pizza dough?—fail to prevent Carell's Funny Soufflé from falling.

• RachaelRayShow.com