Dear Quentin Tarantino,

Before you think we're getting too carried away here, let's make it known right away that we don't do this for just anybody; it takes a special kind of affront for us to sit down and hammer out correspondence amid so much more compelling news of the day. (Like have you seen Michael Jackson recently? Holy shit, right?) But like your contemporary Paul Thomas Anderson, who so annoyed us by signing off on a There Will Be Blood DVD skimpy enough to have been a costume in Death Proof, your transgressions seem to require a little more direct attention than those of say, Brett Ratner or Uwe Boll. You're Quentin Tarantino, after all — QT! You stole made Reservoir Dogs and Pulp Fiction! You are a living legend, an artist among artists, and you deserve everything that's coming to you.

Which is why we think it's time to ask you directly: When will you and Harvey Weinstein stop inflating the world's interest in Inglorious Bastards?

Now You, Too, Can Lose Money Financing a Weinstein Company Film

The inevitable karmic payback for Fraggle Rock: The Movie is coming swift and severe at The Weinstein Company, where Harvey Weinstein is reduced to bringing in outsiders to get two of his long-delayed passion projects off the ground. Relativity Media appears ready to kick in at least half of Nine's $80 million budget, meaning the long-delayed, Daniel Day-Lewis/Nicole Kidman-starring musical will finally start shooting this fall.

But Quentin Tarntino's Inglorious Bastards, which as recently as two weeks ago was to receive the last blank check in Harvey's account, is apparently also in the market for a backer. And not just a co-producer — the Weinstein s and Lawrence Bender have that part under control — but an actual studio with actual money, writes Nikki Finke:

We've apparently been at the wrong film festival for the last week; while Mike White teased LAFF attendees about School of Rock 2 and while three-quarters of the X-Files braintrust jerked around more than 500 fans with virtually no details about the new movie, Quentin Tarantino spent the weekend telling anyone in Provincetown who would listen about his developing World War II epic Inglorious Bastards. Anne Thompson notes today that the script is done — down from its original 12,000-page draft, we hear, to a more manageable 154 or so — and Tarantino preempted genre cynics in a missive to the BBC:

With Inglorious Bastards he will be making his first period film. But he said: "I don't want it to feel like a period film. I want it to feel current.

Today in Cannes Hell: Market Lags for Everything But Photos of Lindsay Lohan Making Out With Samantha Ronson

Okay, I Wrote Both Of You Into My Next Screenplay, Okay?

'Bulimic Coke Whore' Janice Dickinson Sure Loves Her Popcorn

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are posted several times a week (depending on volume), so send them in early and often—without them, global warming will surely accelerate at an even faster rate! Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line so we don't lose them) and tell everyone about the time you watched Janice Dickinson eat two buckets of popcorn during the course of just one movie.

In today's installment: Janice Dickinson, Quentin Tarantino, Ellen Page, Sarah Silverman, Jason Schwartzman, Scott Speedman, Gene Simmons, Kristen Bell, Rachel Zoe, Adam Levine, Mila Kunis, Seth Green, Stacy Keibler, Reggie Bush, Dave Holmes, Holland Taylor, Busta Rhymes, and Lil Wayne.

Quentin Tarantino Enjoys Asian-Themed Cocktail In Los Feliz

Attention Defamer operatives: You have been slacking on your PrivacyWatch duties! Today's installment is verging on pitiful. We command you to wander the streets until you successfully spot a celebrity, then rush back to the nearest keyboard-equipped telecommunications device to breathlessly type up your dispatch. Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line so we don't lose them), so that everyone can read about how you Giovanni Ribisi needs Magnum condoms.

In today's episode: Quentin Tarantino; Keanu Reeves; Michael Rapaport; Giovanni Ribisi; Ray Liotta; Peter Berg and Henry Winkler; Chris Noth; Anthony Kiedis; Billy Baldwin; Dina Meyer; and Brad Beyer.

Celebrity Punditry Now Easier, More Earnest Than Ever

Are you famous, but famously uninformed? Been nursing your platitudes lest your pet cause found its way to the B-list in this election year? Help is on the way: In a press release distributed this morning, Creative Coalition executive director Robin Bronk offers her special brand of Earnest Celebrity Issue Counseling for all your 2008 campaign preening:

In the age of celebrity mania it is hard to miss the impact of celebrity influence from fashion trends and product endorsements to the support of international causes and political points of view. As Americans gear up for one of the tightest political races in recent history, a celebrity backing could mean the difference between success and defeat.

Quentin Tarantino, Okay, Doesn't Want To Be Bothered By The Paparazzi, Okay, While He's Drinking Starbucks Coffee, Okay

Will Leitch is the editor of Deadspin, our sister sports site, and his book God Save The Fan is now available at bookstores everywhere. He makes a cameo appearance here today to discuss how athletes could become better actors.

But I'm looking for something more epic; I'm looking for a total reinvention by a name director, an otherwise untrained, unskilled athlete being coaxed into an affecting performance by one of our great masters, a la Adam Sandler in Punch Drunk Love or Courtney Love in The People Vs. Larry Flynt. In honor of this curious conceit I've just created, here's five athlete-director combos I think might just work.

Quentin Tarantino, Okay, To Remake, Okay, "Faster Pussycat! Kill! Kill!", Okay

Quentin Tarantino Isn't Going To Get All Dressed Up For Your Silly Awards Press Conference

Hollywood PrivacyWatch: 'Hot Fuzz' Boys The Toast Of Cahuenga Blvd.

Hollywood PrivacyWatch: Jessica Simpson And Charlize Theron Haven't Abandoned The Killers Yet

Hollywood PrivacyWatch: Steven Spielberg And Wife Enjoy Non-Fat Caffeinated Beverages At Malibu Starbucks

Harvey Weinstein Picks Through The Wreckage Of The 'Grindhouse' Bombing

Defamer Casting Tips: The Way To A Director's Call Sheet Is Through His Foot Fetish