Publicity is really complicity. This is a simple concept that for whatever reason took me way too long to understand, but it first hit me on the set of Monster's Ball when, after I asked Halle Berry to approve some stills, she looked over a stack of contact sheets and said something like "You know, they're all fine to use however you want, but don't show them to my publicist because she'll just kill everything."

We are talking about photos that depicted Berry looking like hell, but that also showed her inhabiting a wholly unexpected character. At that moment I got the sense that Berry would be utterly complicit in the campaign, which she was, for which she was rewarded with an Oscar. You'd be surprised at how many actors (or, perhaps more accurately, their representatives) I've dealt with over the years who have not been able to grasp this.

Amen. Walker goes on to add that — gasp! — "[p]ublicity should not try to obfuscate" and that "lifestyle" publicists are probably best left to club promotion as opposed to shepherding films through competitive festival and theatrical marketplaces. We'd expect no less honesty from Jeremy Walker, which is all the more reason we'll so miss him — and sure, maybe even envy him from time to time — should he stay gone for good. Maybe he'll try consulting? Every studio in town could learn from a guy like this.

• Jeremy Walker on Independent Film PR [Indiewire]

"I cannot remember that last time that Cindy Adams got anything right. She's an idiot, and you can quote me."

Well, not many people will argue that Adams is a little batty, having devoted much of her later years to designing doggywear at Macy's for her one true love, a teensy weensy toy named Jazzy, but to Adams' credit, she was the very first gossip to break the news of the Jessica Simpson/Nick Lachey demise. Plus, she's been around the block writing for the Post since 1981. But despite the likely truthiness to Adams' claims, we're still new fans of longtime PMK publicist Olim, who, liar or not, dared to call one of the most influential columnists in the entertainment biz "an idiot." We like lady publicists with balls like that.

• KIDMAN'S PUBLICIST BLASTS ALCOHOL REPORT [SF Gate]
• OSCAR WHISPERED RIGHT INTO MY EAR [Cindy Adams]

That the fiercely loyal flack had finally succeeded in doing what publicist-watchers had long feared he would, managing to squeeze not just his nose, but his entire head and neck up his demanding client's hindquarters.

[Photo: WENN]

• Frock horror! Paris celebrates her birthday as a punk princess [Daily Mail]

"It's an honor to be up here and to be honored as publicity whore of the year," Apatow deadpanned. "And you're all my pimps."

There were surprisingly few references to the writers strike other than a guffaw-inducing jibe by Apatow.

"I have 27 pages of jokes here; I've been on strike for three months and haven't been allowed to write," he said. "I was up all night laughing and looked outside my window, and Paul Haggis was outside picketing."

Despite such welcome moments of levity—publicists can laugh at themselves, but they'll fucking cut you if you try that with one of their clients—the awards were not without their disappointments: sadly, our prediction that New Line would be honored for its groundbreaking work in frozen-dead-baby-related viral marketing on behalf of The Number 23 did not come to pass. Instead, the Warner Bros. publicity team was recognized for helping to sell the year's most homoerotically charged entertainment, 300, to mainstream America as a CGI-enhanced action-adventure, then immediately repackaging the film for its incredibly successful run of campy midnight screenings in which audience members joined in "It's Raining Men" singalongs while tossing plastic spears at a chorus line of dancing, scantily clad Spartans reinterpreting the blockbuster's action at the front of the theater.

[Photo: Getty Images]

Humor meets hype at ICG nods [THR]

Entertainment Public Relations Assistant BEFORE YOU READ: You MUST live in the Los Angeles area NOW! Offices are in West Hollywood/Beverly Hills. THE POSITION: Need to hire very personable, outgoing, freindly and very intelligent, public relations assistant/receptionist to work for the owner and account executives of a medium size celebrity/entertainent, hip, young PR company/agency in West Hollywood who is amazing with people and more amazing on phones. Must be able to do 100 things at the same time, if not more, handle a very busy schedule efficiently, master heavy calls and call logs, juggle countless invitations and premiere listings and be amazing on the phones, etc. It's an overwhelmingly busy, REALLY DEMANDING, hectic atmosphere!!! Did I mention it is a busy place???? Last 5 assistants could not handle the pressure. Hours are long plus weekends and nights to cover red carpets and events. If you are not serious about a life in publicity with actors and celebrities, this is not the job for you!!!!! The up side? Huge room for growth! PLEASE REREAD THIS AD BEFORE APPLYING!! THE JOB IS ONLY FOR HIGH ENERGY, EXTREMELY HARD WORKING, SMART APPLICANTS! Please submit cover letter as to why you want the job as well as your resume.

• Entertainment Public Relations Assistant [Craigslist]
• Previously: Defamer Employment: Everything You Ever Wanted To Know About Being A Personal Assistant, But Were Afraid To Ask [Defamer]

The press release—usually we encourage you to skip them, but this one is a must read—follows after the jump:

ASHLEYMADISON.COM COURTS ASHLEY MADISON

CONTROVERSIAL DATING SITE SETS IT'S SIGHTS ON JAMES WOODS' FORMER GALPAL

Extra-marital dating sight AshleyMadison.com hopes to capitalize on their namesake, actress Ashley Madison, best known for her short-lived romance with actor James Woods and cameo appearance on Entourage. AshleyMadison has prepared an offer for Ashley Madison to become their official spokeswoman and appear in their successful - and controversial - integrated marketing and publicity campaigns. AshleyMadison.com founder Darren Morganstern feels the blonde bombshell is a natural fit because, "in short, she is the type of woman that many straying married men fantasize about having affairs with."

Recently, the site made headlines when they offered a free lifetime membership to Katie Holmes as an opportunity to "free herself from Tom Cruise," and their Los Angeles billboard proclaiming, "Life is Short...Have an Affair," recently resulted in a rush hour protest by community activists.

Despite his own "happy marriage", Morganstern believes that monogamy has become outdated and discovered that through the site, there could be a modern solution to this age old problem. After featured appearances on major news outlets such as CNN, FOX News, Montel Williams, 20/20, CBS Sunday Morning, Dr. Phil, and TMZ (to name a few), Morganstern has been coined, "The King of Infidelity" by the media. Though he acknowledges subscribers may be "playing with fire" by pursuing infidelity online, Morganstern's sitting pretty knowing his company has doubled in size every year since it's inception and is estimated to gross ten million dollars this year alone.

• Previously: Burning Questions [Defamer]

"Business projections and financial reports are not what I enjoy doing most," Kingsley said. "I took accounting in college and my instructor suggested that I not continue the course. We are now a conglomerate and it's daunting. I want to be involved in the creative aspects of working with clients. That is what I enjoy." [...]

"Now that there are three of us, there is three times more energy to grow the company in different areas," Halls said. "Pat Kingsley gave us a huge leg up. We are lucky we get to expand from what is already a huge business."

To reinforce how grateful her former underlings are that Kingsley surrendered her titles without trying to disembowel any of them with a letter opener, the energetic new management team presented her with a touching memento: a five-foot bronze statue of Tom Cruise standing atop Oprah Winfrey's couch that will adorn PMK/HBH's lobby, a memorial that will serve as an instant reminder to their clients about the career disaster that awaits them the moment they end their relationship with the firm.

• Spin this: Hollywood PR guru passes torch at her firm [LAT]

Just weeks after sultry shots of Lohan and Vanessa Minnillo goofing around with kitchen knives hit the Web, underground site celebslam.com claims it has its hands on nude photos of Lindsay - and the stalker-ish site is threatening to publish them.

In what Web site owner "Nick" claims to be a G-mail chat between himself and Lohan, the starlet supposedly wrote: "All I know is that someone broke into my computer and left a file on my desktop saying he got the pictures Cal took from me naked."

Regarding the photos, Lohan's rep, Leslie Sloane Zelnik, told Page Six, "Anything is possible. I know nothing about it, but her lawyers have been contacted."

Perhaps most shocking about this news is that superflack Leslie Sloane Zelnick, long a doggedly inventive composer of excuses for her embattled charge, seems to have finally succumbed to publicist "exhaustion" with her "anything is possible" remark. One imagines that she was temporarily demoralized by endless media inquiries into the photo story and about Lohan's weekend trip to Pure in Vegas so soon after crafting a statement about how her client is proudly wearing a Class of Summer '07 SCRAM bracelet to celebrate her Friday graduation from Promises Malibu, a disappointment so profound that Zelnick is likely to respond to the next phone call with an audible sigh and a dejected, "Print whatever you want. Why not put in a part about a donkey caked in blow into the naked photos item? Who's to say there wasn't one wandering the room when the pictures were taken?"

• Nude Photos Haunt Lindsay [Page Six]
• Lindsay Lohan goes to Pure [The Movable Buffet]

Ranting about [former publicist Howard] Bragman, who apparently didn't appreciate her enough, the petite former pop star says: "I do a call-in every week for OK! Magazine on 'American Idol.' Because of my brilliant job, they want to do a cover on me. I'm being told by Howard Bragman that I'm too old and no one will ever want to do a cover.

"I'm being tested. All I've ever wanted in my life is to be treated fairly and be treated with kindness. And I've never in my entire career been treated this way. The people who are supposed to take care of these things do not. I have to clean up after them everywhere they go. And I'm tired of it.

"Howard Bragman on Monday - he did some disgusting behavior. I had to go to Jimmy Kimmel," Abdul is heard sobbing, "with no publicist there. [Abdul appeared on Kimmel's show on May 15.] I go on with no publicist there and I pay this man . . .

"I don't understand how this man can call me a whining bitch. I've never in my life been called a whining bitch and a loser."

When we asked Bragman when he stopped working with Abdul, he said, "I'm not going into it," and added, "I'll stand by my reputation if she'll stand by hers." Her current rep, David Brokaw, did not return calls.

It's truly unfortunate that such an irreparable rift has opened between Bragman and his ex-charge, as ugly name-calling does nothing but taint the memories of their special time together. On the bright side, it does sound as if Abdul's newly retained media defense team knows what the star expects of them, and is willing to provide the level of service their utterly defenseless client requires. If Paula demands that a rep accompany her on her next talk show appearance and squat behind the couch with a cannister of pepper spray, poised to blind the host at the first hint he's going to ask an uncomfortable question, they'll be there fully prepared to pull the trigger, then to provide a soothing hug as the sensitive Abdul tries to block out the anguished screams of her rude inquisitor.

• PAULA WHINE CAUGHT ON TAPE [Page Six]
• Previously: Paula's Little Helpers Take The Edge Off For Lovable 'Idol' Judge [Defamer]

The flack had resigned Sunday but at Monday night's event he told Us, "The rumors of our professional separation were overexaggerated," and he was back on as Hilton's publicist. "I continue to be her media rep," Mintz continued. "She remains a client...and more importantly a dear friend." [...]

Regardless, Paris wasn't upset for long. She left Sober Day and headed to the Roxy, where she stood on top of her table and danced to the band Phantom Planet. Paris and Mintz were singing along to the group's hit "California." A source tells Us, "Paris looked happy to be out."

It's heartwarming to know that even after all the soulmates have been through in the past few days, their retainer-enabled love endures, and that in the all-too-short interval before her court-ordered time-out, Hilton will once again have someone to dance on tables with her, patiently hold her hair (Nicky's so totally over hair-holding duty) as she squats on the cold, unforgiving floor of a bathroom stall, and then finally chauffeur her home at the end of each bittersweet celebration of her last days of freedom. Later, when Mintz drops by her temporary Lynwood home for a brief hello, he'll be able to instantly lift Paris's sagging spirit by gently humming the first few bars of "California," reminding her of the happier times awaiting her upon her release.

• Suddenly Sober, Paris Reunites With PR Guy [US Weekly]
• Previously: Paris Hilton Finally Free Of Criminal Svengali Elliot Mintz [Defamer]

Britney told us via her rep, "I am praying for my father. We have never had a good relationship. It's sad that all the men that have been in my life do not know how to accept a real woman's love. I am concentrating on my work and my life right now."

A pal of Britney said the pop tart "had no drugs in her system when she was admitted to Promises - they [tested her] and there was nothing. She was embarrassed she had to go in there when she knew she was suffering from postpartum depression, not a drug or alcohol problem."

It's truly a masterstroke of PR: Not only has Zelnick deftly reframed the familial conflict as a power struggle between a controlling, dick-swinging patriarchy and the good women who just want to love them, she's also depicted Spears as a helpless victim of postpartum depression, sent to rehab jail for the crime of trying to love her babies even when her disease wouldn't let her, and whose all-night partying was fueled by mania, not narcotics. With Zelnick back on the beat, the tabloids aren't going to have Britney Spears to kick around anymore—at least not without some imaginative and well-crafted denials to contend with.

• Dad Spanks Naughty Britney [Page Six]
• COMEBACK TRY [Page Six]

But now, out of nowhere, she's hired Ina Treciokas of ID'PR, a good, solid agency that handles everyone from Sean Penn to Diane Lane, Kevin Kline, and Wynona Ryder. Everyone likes the ID'PR team; they're easy to work with.

But Holmes' move away from Rogers and Cowan is kind of interesting. Insiders say she was guided to the firm by her agents at CAA. Many top CAA clients on the West Coast, however, go to Steven Huvane at PMK HBH, because of the connection to CAA's chief Kevin Huvane, his brother. ID'PR was a little out of left field.

Is it Katie's new independence we keep reading about in the supermarket tabloids? I doubt it. The couple is not breaking up any time soon, folks. The deal is done. But Holmes is making a movie, "Mad Money," and starting to feel her way around town a little these days. Insiders tell me that so far, Tom — always depicted as controlling and stifling — did not sit in on the meetings between Katie and her new flacks.

Allowing Katie to take her own publicist meetings was a big step for Cruise; while he would have preferred to be physically present to ensure that nothing could go wrong, his commitment to this new Holmes Independence Initiative demanded that he stay in his mobile command center parked at the curb of the PR agency's headquarters, trusting that she would receive each transmission instructing her to tell her new handlers "Tom totally supports me going out on my own!" and "Walking away from Batman was completely my decision!" he delivered to the tiny speaker hidden in her ear.

• Katies Holmes: New Mouthpiece (second item) [FoxNews.com]

"When [a senior Disney publicist] forwarded the [Richards] story to me ... I thought, 'How are we going to spin this?' " Dennis Rice, Disney's senior vice president for publicity, said during a presentation to the media of the studio's upcoming films Wednesday morning.

As a result of Richards' remark, which was later discounted by his representatives as just a joke, it is likely that the rocker's appearances on the red carpet in support of the film will be curtailed.

"Keith won't be doing a lot of publicity for this movie," Rice added.

In addition to trying to keep the renegade Rolling Stone away from the press, a cautious Disney PR team will also oversee an emergency renovation to their theme park's franchise-inspiring Pirates ride addressing the controversy, adding a scene in which an animatronic Teague Sparrow soberly explains to his son that even though they're both pirates and enjoy their fair share of rape, pillaging, and plunder, under no circumstances is it OK for Jack to use his cremains as snuff, providing parents and children an opportunity to discuss the uncomfortable subjects of both drug abuse and living wills.

• Snorting remark by Keith Richards doesn't sit well with Disney [LAT]

[Also: We feel like such dirty, dirty little whores now that George and his trusty flack are running around sticking his filthy denial in every quivering media-hole they can find. We thought we were special! You know what? Fuck Darfur!]

• Clooney's Million-Dollar Rumor Reward [ET Online]
• Previously: Defamer Publicist Denial Corner: Clooney Not Involved In Huckabees Video Leak, Says Clooney [Defamer]

To Radar and Defamer.com

In response to a story carried by your respective web sites, George Clooney has written the following to you:
—-—-—-—-—-

Contrary to popular opinion. neither the sound man, Ed Tise, nor yours truly sent in the David O. Russell tape.

I saw it when we were working on "Ocean's 12," and there have been quite a few copies traveling around town for the last couple of years.

Any rumor that either of us put it on the internet is simply false.

And I'd offer a million bucks to anyone who would prove otherwise.

Your fan,

George Clooney

Backing up his claim with a generous financial offer for information linking him to the video's internet debut is a nice touch, though we're a little disappointed he didn't extend the idea a little further. CLOONEY PLACES MILLION DOLLAR BOUNTY ON HEAD OF REAL RUSSELL VIDEO LEAK would make for a much more compelling story than the simple, anticlimactic denial he and his trusty flack are offering.

• Theory: Was Prankster Clooney Behind The 'Huckabees' Clips? [Defamer]

Now that the Oscar ballot deadline has passed, the DreamWorks publicity team can safely shift its focus from designing Dreamgirls ads aimed at reminding Academy voters of frequently latex-hampered thespian Eddie Murphy's mastery of the awards-baiting man-cry to ones like this full-pager that appeared in today's Variety, publicly apologizing for the confusing dramatic license the film may have taken with the Motown story. There's some background on the reasons for the mea culpa here, including a quote from Berry Gordy's public statement applauding the studio for reminding everyone about the difference between movie semi-magic and reality, demonstrating no bitterness that Jamie Foxx's performance as the character based on him wasn't good enough to get an Oscar nomination.

[Ad: Digital Variety]

• 'Dreamgirls' producers apologize to Motown's Gordy [Detroit News]

The peace of a Torrington, Connecticut multiplex was shattered Monday night, when an audience in the process of being vaguely disappointed by a 7:00 p.m. showing of Dreamgirls was suddenly jarred out of its immersively underwhelming cinematic experience by the unexpected intrusion of an out-of-control SUV barreling through the wall of the theater. The establishment's owner was predictably shocked by the unplanned intermission:

"I never thought it'd be here in the theater, especially while the show's running and a couple people are in here watching Dreamgirls. It was just surreal shock," said theater owner Robert Sadlon.

Police charged the driver, 46-year-old Diletta Squires, with driving under the influence.

The disconcerting surreality of the scene was only deepened for the stunned theater owner when the vehicle's visibly inebriated and despondent driver entered the theater through the gaping hole she'd just created, loudly identified herself as a DreamWorks publicist "just trying to get the word out about the acting performances in our little movie," then slurred "Little Miss Sunshine for Besht Picture? Rrrrreally?" before collapsing in his arms. The police officer on the scene later broke the bad news that there were no Academy voters in attendance at the screening.

• SUV Plows Into Theater As Moviegoers Watch "Dreamgirls" [WFTV.com]

Presumably a little frightened by yesterday's LAT story wondering whether the inopportunely timed release of Norbit might make Oscar voters a little skittish about handing over their coveted acting prize to a man who's currently celebrating his craft from underneath a hundred pounds of cellulite-scarred latex, the DreamWorks publicity teams rushed this For Your Consideration ad in the trades today, one which immediately reminds the soul-searching Academy member that beneath those layers of stunt-blubber is a nuanced performer capable of an awards-worthy man-cry.

[Image: Variety.com/additional pullquote: Defamer.com]

• Can Oscar Voters Ignore Eddie Murphy's Troublesome Latex Fetish? [Defamer]

Today, Variety.com unveiled Digital Variety, an "online reproduction" of the Daily Variety paper that allows computer-based users to simulate the excitement of "flipping pages," a luxury once reserved for those idling in the waiting areas of studios and agencies. While the new product lacks the one of most crucial features of the physical paper—an ability to be easily rolled into a glossy cudgel suitable for the bludgeoning of an incompetent assistant—DigiVar (Digiriety?) does finally allow those of us toiling in the ghettos of the blogoweb to have online access to the publication's many fine awards season ads, like the one reproduced here, taken out by Paramount publicists desperate to have the hard work that was largely ignored by Academy voters recognized in a wound-salving win at the Flackies.

• Variety turns digital page [Variety]

• Variety turns digital page [Variety]

Leslie Sloane Zelnik, Lindsay's high-powered publicist, told TMZ, "Lindsay is 100% not getting special treatment. She's getting the same as everyone else. This isn't the Betty Ford Clinic, it's not a lockdown facility. There is personal time. All these naysayers who keep blogging and speaking out, like the 'Today' show, they don't know what she's going through, they're not there. They shouldn't speak until they've gone through something like that."

Sloane also wanted to set the record straight about Lohan's recent hospital visit: "For the record, she did have her appendix taken out."

We'd encourage anyone planning on putting forth uniformed opinions about the lack of rigor in Lohan's rehab experience to heed the fiercely protective publicist's exhortation to back off: unless you've submitted yourself to a day of her punishing recovery schedule of "12pm—Wake up; 12:15pm-12:20pm: Make a searching and fearless moral blahblahblah; 12:30pm—3am: Free-form thinking about the negative impact substance abuse has had on your life while running errands, attending social functions, or catching a movie," you're in no position to question the manner in which the actress has proactively decided to tend to her personal health.

• Lohan Rolls Out Again, Rehab Residents Complain [TMZ.com]
• Previously:Checking In With Lindsay Lohan [Defamer]

• HOLY CRAP THAT FREAKING HURT!!! [PR Differently, via Gawker and SPR]

An e-mail she sent to pals last week has the subject title: "They're all whores, they're all whores . . . xcept for some obviously!" Lohan wrote in the note, "So . . . 3 hours of pole dancing and bruised. everywhere . . . I mean we're talkin' like, UPPER AND INNER THIGH ACTION-bruised . . . like a walking black-and-blue mark.

"I mean really though, really, I didn't know it was actually possible to have bruises in such areas of the body. Strippers dude, I tell you, I really respect the [c-word]s now. . . I'm not gonna lie to ya."

Lohan's rep, Leslie Sloane Zelnik, said, "She's been in rehearsals for the film and has been taking classes from Sheila Kelly." Kelly developed the famed "S Factor: Aerobic Striptease Workout and Pole Dancing." "Her character is a stripper, and she now realizes that the job isn't easy. We should give these women credit," Zelnik told Page Six.

Kudos to Zelnik for even attempting a save on this one by recasting it as an expression of her client's appreciation of the "whores" (except for some obviously! LOL! Just kidding, c-words!) who make a living on that thigh-battering pole. The flack is obviously thinking two steps ahead of her tabloid-bait charge, knowing that when Lohan winds up on stage at Crazy Girls at 3 a.m. on Christmas Eve, she's already publicly established the plausibility of a "she's just doing some research in the field" excuse, one that could even conceivably cover why she was giving champagne-room lapdances in a Slutty Mrs. Claus costume.

• POLE PULVERIZES LOHAN THIGHS [Page Six]
• Previously: Lindsay Lohan's Fully Adequite Blackberry Manifesto [Defamer]

It seems that a committee of interested publicists, agents, lawyers, producing partners, and film executives have finally decided that Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston can finally end their loose, unconvincing public association as a Hollywood power couple and pursue separate careers, as a "close friend of Aniston's" has told Page Six that the couple is "no longer romantically connected," freeing up both parties to seek out mutually beneficial partnerships with whatever future co-stars they so desire. Vaughn's camp is apparently already hard at work nurturing a new, hard-partying, swinging bachelor image, as Page Six points out that the tabloids have placed him in a Hungarian strip joint catering to fans of "explicit" exotic entertainment, complete with a report that one of the performers is ready to shop a tale about how the insatiable actor spent a king's ransom trying to test the limits of her ping-pong-ball-ejecting abilities. Meanwhile, we imagine that Team Aniston is bracing to combat a fresh round of stories that she spends her lonely days casting various reminders of yet another soulmate lost into a raging pity-bonfire on her stretch of Malibu beach by granting an immediate "JEN: I'M OK, REALLY" cover feature to whatever magazine offers the biggest headline font.

• JEN AND VINCE SPLIT [Page Six]

So, I'm driving to the office far earlier than usual. As I pass Privilege, I spot Paris Hilton's Mercedes SLR (there are only a few in town, so you notice them... I know the color and the lisc plate because I see it parked in front of her house on Kings Road all the time) parked alone and locked up in the valet parking lot on the North side of Sunset. Could it be our girl is learning? Is it possible that - as leaving Privilege or Hyde (1/2 a block away) at 2:30 - she actually said to a friend "I'm too buzzed on my one cocktail to drink, why don't I leave my $500,000 car here and you can drive me home?" Maybe Elliott Mintz was too tired to walk back from Paris' house and fetch it at 4AM?

It's almost impossible to imagine that Mintz could commit such a flagrant dereliction of his duty to his highest-profile (only?) client by allowing her to leave valuable property relatively attended overnight; we think a much more likely scenario involves Hilton catching a ride home with a prospective sexual partner, asking her much put-upon handler to spend the night asleep in the SLR until she returned from her tryst the next morning.

• Previously: Paris Hilton Charged With DUI; Official Slap On Wrist Next [Defamer]

Learn How to Become a Hollywood Publicist with STAN ROSENFIELD

Behind every successful celebrity, there is a great publicist. Whether you want to make it as a publicist, or get involved in any other aspect of the entertainment business, don't miss this chance to have Stan Rosenfield help you get your career off the ground. You'll get an exclusive behind-the-scenes look at what it's really like to represent top talent, and learn what it takes to succeed in this sometimes cut-throat, always exhilarating business.

He'll teach you how to:
* Break into the business
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* Pitch to win: getting your clients on TV and in magazines * Prepare your client for the media * Interact with other talent representatives, including agents, personal managers, business managers and attorneys * Get your client out of trouble * Navigate through Awards season * And much more!

Stan Rosenfield began his career in the mailroom at Jay Bernstein Public Relations, one of the leading entertainment P.R. firms at that time, and rose through the ranks to become executive vice president. In 1975, he founded his own agency, Stan Rosenfield & Associates. His impressive list of clients includes: Robert De Niro, George Clooney, John Goodman, Kelly Ripa, Danny DeVito, Hank Azaria, Geoffrey Rush, Andy Garcia and Kelsey Grammer. Rosenfield is listed in Who's Who in the West and Who's Who in Media and Communications, and is a member of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences and the Academy of Television Arts & Sciences.

Unfortunately, to learn some of Rosenfield's most advanced PR techniques, budding publicists will have to enroll in a pair of higher level courses, Diminishing The Insidious Influence of Blogs Through Celebrity Sightings, and Taking Down The Whole Fucking System By Urging Your Clients To Pretend To Date A Different Actress Every Night.

• He Represents George Clooney & Robert De Niro! with Stan Rosenfield [The Learning Annex]
• Previously: George Clooney Unveils Surprisingly Compassionate Plan To Foil Paparazzi And The Magazines That Abet Them [Defamer]

We realize that it might be a little early on a Monday morning to wrap your still-weekending minds around the latest paparazzi-derived photographic evidence of Paris Hilton's recreational drug use, but here we are, confronted anew by a photo of the suspicious contents of Hilton's handbag at a Milan fashion show. Before you jump to ill-informed judgments about what the plastic baggie in this picture might contain, please allow designated Hilton Media-Brainwasher Elliot Mintz to assert the inherent unreliability of photo-driven gossip items:

"Things are not always as they appear. It would be unfair to draw any conclusions based solely on these photos."

While Mintz's previous drug-use denials have embraced the Jedi Mind Trick Method of obfuscation ("I just want to get something clear with you. Paris Hilton rolled her own tobacco cigarette. It was tobacco that you saw."), he seems to have now moved on to a more empirical model of damage control, urging us not to trust mere photographs over the reliability of firsthand experience—i.e., until you've actually rolled your own joint from Hilton's plastic baggie full of weed, you can't truly know that its contents would actually get you high. Heady stuff, we know, but philosopher-flack Mintz earns his hefty fees by constantly reinventing his field, not by following the examples of his blandly unimaginative, no-commenting peers.

• What's that bag in your bag, Paris? [The Daily Mail UK]

While the disastrous, completely unforeseen dissolution of Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn's soul-mate-level bond almost certainly dooms the upcoming DVD release of The Break-Up to instant, bargain-bin obscurity, some publicists insist on seeing the glass that Aniston undoubtedly hurtled at her former partner's head during their heart-wrenching split as half full. This pitch, which bravely ignores the impossible task handed to them by the campaign-crushing appearance of real-life interpersonal strife, landed in our inbox this morning:

Just in time for the real life break up of Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Anniston, we have put together a couple's kitchen helper kits in support of The Break-Up. These kits feature 2 his and hers aprons (one pink and one blue quoting the famous line I want you to WANT to do the dishes, the gloves and 12 stress ball lemons. We could not have received these at a better time and we are sure your site could use these sets in one way or another.

Those poor, poor publicists. They just don't realize that no matter how tightly they squeeze those promotional foam lemons, they'll never be able to extract any lemonade.

• Previously: Selfish Aniston And Vaughn Split, Showing Little Consideration For Upcoming DVD Release Of Their Break-Up-Themed Movie [Defamer]

HOLLYWOOD power publicist Stephen Huvane made it legal with his partner of two years, Palm Beach* artist and gallery owner Steven Janssen, with a power wedding last weekend. The two held a civil ceremony at the palatial pad of Huvane's brother, CAA uber agent Kevin Huvane, before guests including Jennifer Aniston, Kirsten Dunst, Bryce Howard, Amy Brenneman, Peri Gilpin and Carla Gugino. The couple took a pre-wedding honeymoon in Hawaii - the better to be back for Janssen's Oct. 14 art show at his gallery, JanssenArtSpace. Congrats!

Since Page Six's shiny, updated web presence still doesn't provide the added value of hyperlinks, we're happy to show you the way to Janssen's online presence and complete the promotional reacharound. We'd hate to see a perfectly good PR opportunity not reach its full potential.

*Note: As several readers have pointed out, Janssen's gallery is in Palm Springs, not Palm Beach. Adjust your art pilgrimage itineraries accordingly.

• POWER PARTNERS [Page Six]

Earley had the photo department embed symbols in the publicity photos — a "9" in the wrinkle of a sleeve, a "V" in the cut of a woman's dress. The publicity kit also included a card that if dipped in water would reveal the number nine (which, of course, is actually the upside-down G), and on that card is the phone number (310) 369-7272, where callers hear the recorded voice of the senator's wife leaving a panicked message for her parents. And because once you start embedding clues and secrets, it must be hard to stop, 7272 spells "Sara" on the telephone keypad. ("That's not even necessary since in theory this is a voicemail, but it shows we were going the extra step," said Earley.)

The only problem is that very few members of the media actually picked up on all those secret clues. A letter attached to the press kit noted, "As with the series nothing is as it seems and all the materials in this kit should be closely examined and kept for analysis throughout the season."

But because they are reporters writing about the new television season, not FBI agents trying to find a missing senator's wife, all those sneaky hints went over the press corp's head (or under its nose) and the secret clues remained shrouded in a fog so deep, reporters never even noticed it was there.

And so yesterday afternoon Josh Governale, the publicist working "Vanished," called to explain the entire situation to the L.A. Times, even offering to show us where the embedded symbols are located in the press photos.

Even though the ambivalent press has to date ignored Fox's efforts to enlist their help in spreading (or even noticing) the Vanished Conspiracy, the Fox publicity department is committed to making their ambitious idea viable. After they determined that no amount of hand-holding would convince deadline-distracted reporters to spend time on their photographic scavenger hunt, they decided to release a more readily decipherable batch of press materials. The first offering in the new series of promotional puzzles is below:

• 'Vanished' Mystery Seeks Detectives [LAT]

• Jen and Vince Deny Latest Engagement Rumor [E! Online/Yahoo]

Having worked in a hospital pharmacy for 12 years, I know that Vitamin B (Thiamine, typically 100mg injected intramuscularly) shots are NOT given for 'dehydration', or 'heat exhaustion', but rather for alcohol detox, and to help avoid the sometimes dangerous symptoms and/or seizure activity associated with "DT's".

We understand that a publicist might feel pressure to mix up her excuses to demonstrate to a troubled client that she's getting her money's worth, but things can get tricky where emergency medicine is involved. Perhaps Lohan's embattled mouthpiece should've gone with the already established "asthma," a condition we would've happily believed to be aggravated by "105 degree weather," rather than getting too cute with telling details about Vitamin B shots.

• Lohan Felled By 'Heat,' Rushed To Hospital [Defamer]
• Lindsay Lohan Won't Let A Little Dehydration Ruin A Good Bar Night [Defamer]

[5WPR exec Tracey] Nguyen wrote to Brit's manager: "I would NEVER allow any of my clients to do an interview, let alone such an important one as the one that Britney just did, without being there to make sure that the questions that were being asked were appropriate, and also to make sure that she looked her best on camera at all times."

Offering to handle Brit "for less than what your current publicist is charging you and do 10 times better of a job," Nguyen claimed: "A perfect example that I can present is what I was able to do for Lil' Kim. Two years ago, no one wanted to touch her. She was perceived as a raunchy rapper who had gone way too far with her plastic surgery. ... I see Britney today in the same position that Kim was once in."

Britney Spears is the same as a convicted felon?

Zelnik shot back: "She must not have taken PR 101, where they teach you: When you're trying to steal other people's clients, don't diss your own."

Really, with Lindsay Lohan's weight up to relatively normal levels and the gradual reappearance of her once-vaunted breasts, no individual celebrity offers a better opportunity for a crisis manager to show off her chops than Spears, who on any given day might need someone to defuse rumors that she's pregnant with her manny's quadruplets, is looking into the possibility of having K-Fed deported, or absentmindedly left her infant in an empty bucket at KFC after being lured across the food court by the siren call of the Cinnabon. We can't fault Nguyen for seizing a chance to steal away a client who'd give her the opportunity to ply her trade at the highest possible level.

• Brit's bomb followed by flack attack [NY Daily News]
• Britney Spears Gives PR Team The Wrong Day Off [Defamer]

From: "DreamWorks Pictures" Date: June 29, 2006 11:50:58 AM EDT To: undisclosed-recipients: ; Subject: Offices Closing

As of Friday, June 30th, the DreamWorks Pictures New York and Los Angeles publicity offices will be closing. Please direct any press inquiries about future DreamWorks Pictures releases to Paramount Pictures Publicity at (212) xxx-xxxx.

It's understandable to be sad (or paranoid if you work for Paramount and think you might be next) on their behalf, but at least there's this: We hear that the dismissed staffers will each get a cupcake when they turn in their IDs on the way off the lot. OK, we made that up, but we just wanted to end this on somewhat less depressing note. We can't bear the thought of studio publicists wandering around Hollywood, chatting up anyone who will listen about how great Dreamgirls is going to be.

• Inside Move: The Dream finally comes to an end [Variety]