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defamer attractions

Indy's Box-Office Bullwhip Kills Uwe Boll, John Cusack and Rest of Competition


Defamer Attractions returns today with another round of movie scanning for your Memorial Day weekend. We already know you're planning at least two excursions to view Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (once out of drunken impulse, and once to make sure that really was the ending you saw before blacking out), but Indy alone does not a holiday make! At least one of the poor bastards sharing this opening weekend is bound to tank the worst, and yet another is a fine bit of foreign-language counterprogramming worth your consideration. And of course we've got a few new DVD choices for the agoraphobic, hungover and/or the cheapskates among us. As always, our opinions and projections are A) our own and B) impeccably fail-safe. Where should we start? More »

9:00 AM on Fri May 23 2008
By STV
3,712 views, 12 comments

Latest by n/a: Boll's "Postal" is opening on four screens? That is such an obvious ploy qualify for Oscar consideration and then wide release the title when the nominations come in. more »

bolled over

The Critics Speak: 'Postal' May Actually Be Better than 'Sex and the City'

We've been following the bouncing Uwe Boll for what seems like months now, but once the consummate self-promoter and sworn enemy of 279,452 filmgoers (and counting) wound up playing the victim in the Sunday New York Times, the shark was considered jumped. But an eagle-eyed tipster points out one of the more fascinating signs yet of the loathed filmmaker's resurgence: On a week when his new film Postal has reportedly been banned from multiplexes, it's also pulling a better Rotten Tomatoes score (33%) than "mainstream" offerings Made of Honor (12%), What Happens in Vegas (28%) and John Cusack's bomb-to-be War, Inc. (23%). It's also neck-and-neck with Sex and the City and a mere percentage point behind the tentpole Speed Racer, which is still stalled at the gate with 34% positive reviews. More »

11:30 AM on Tue May 20 2008
By STV
981 views, 2 comments

Latest by n/a: This guy won't go away and I look forward to watching his filmography grow and grow. more »

bolled over

Uwe Boll 'Confirms' Boxing Match with Michael Bay, Sues Billy Zane For Good Measure

On one hand we're sick to near-death of German provocateur Uwe Boll, whose perverse viral antics have amused us barely enough to keep us watching over the last month. But today the son of a bitch is making actual news: First by suing his Bloodrayne star Billy Zane for misleading him on the film's failed distribution in 2006, and then by actually confirming his proposed boxing match with flaxen fauxteur Michael Bay. So topical! So... angry! Find out where he's coming from (sort of) after the jump. More »

4:20 PM on Thu May 1 2008
By STV
2,350 views, 10 comments

Latest by Bogart Shwadchuck: Figured this was bullshit, decided to check it out. From a stickied thread in Michael Bay's forum: "Just spoke to Mike, and it's false. This guy is really creepy, he's creeping me out. BTW, Michael has never spoken to him and won't more »

boll-ed over

Please, God, Please, Let These Men Fight to the Death!


Uwe Boll's 15 minutes of hammy artistic self-defense are just about through, but we find ourselves increasingly won over with his thrashing, language-butchering viral efforts on his own behalf. And while we're pleased to hear he'll be judging that Uwe Boll Movie Challenge we noted here yesterday, we are total suckers for his latest — and ideally his last — publicity stunt before vanishing into fauxter oblivion. Or, in his words: "Boll against Bay": More »

1:30 PM on Fri Apr 25 2008
By STV
1,436 views, 5 comments

Latest by Crazydogggz: @KNau: WORD!!! more »

boll-ed over

New Contest Entices Amateur Filmmakers to Out-Suck Uwe Boll

Finally! Something constructive has emerged from film culture's ongoing Uwe Boll Career Deathwatch, and it involves all of us. To wit: "The Uwe Boll Movie Challenge," which encourages amateurs to make films using the infamously poor standards Boll has been railing about these last few weeks. Think of it like Be Kind Rewind, but with the guiding light of a German hack as opposed to a French aesthete. Check out the criteria after the jump, and get to work already: More »

9:25 AM on Thu Apr 24 2008
By STV
1,405 views, 1 comment

Latest by spankhaus: i submitted! more »

boll-ed over

Philosophical Uwe Boll Suddenly Knows Why You Hate Him

If it weren't for the petition featuring nearly 168,000 signers calling for his head, we'd probably leave well-enough alone when it comes to genre-hack whipping-boy Uwe Boll. But not even his own targets can resist his thickly accented self-defense, with similarly skill-challenged fauxters Eli Roth and Michael Bay — whom Boll labeled a "fucking retard" in a video released on Wednesday — publicly deflecting Boll's attacks over the last 24 hours. Naturally, with tens of thousands of dollars worth of free publicity at stake, Boll came back against all his haters in yet another stream-of-consciousness slam: More »

2:35 PM on Thu Apr 10 2008
By STV
2,088 views, 18 comments

Latest by Homage: I can't be bothered hating on Uwe Boll. Anything that gets nerds this riled up, I generally just take the opposing stance on principle. You know, as a jock and all. more »

boll-ed over

Reviled Uwe Boll Makes His Case As "The Only Genius In The Whole Fucking Business"

The breathtaking display of vindictive fanboy rage populist aesthetic taste that is the Stop Uwe Boll Petition has more than doubled its support since we last viewed it, edging the reviled German filmmaker within a mere 860,000 signatures of his million-hater promise to never direct again. While we're optimistic that democracy can take the day by, like, 2012, we're equally devastated by Boll's aggrieved video rebuke/promotional vehicle that appeared online Tuesday:
I want that there's a petition also out there — like a pro-Boll petition — and I expect a million votes pro-Boll. And I hope somebody will set it up and you all start signing it, because look: I'm not a fucking retard like Michael Bay or other people running around in the business, or Eli Roth making the same shitty movies over and over again. If you really look at my movies you will see my real genius, you know?
More »

11:00 AM on Wed Apr 9 2008
By STV
4,359 views, 17 comments

Latest by HollowBrain: Boll is to Hollywood as Trolls are to The Internet, they make things fun again. more »

let freedom ring

Be the Lucky Millionth Petitioner Who Ends Uwe Boll's Career

Behind the facade of those vacant eyes and the kind of resume that would have had most filmmakers changing careers years ago, we knew there was a reasonable man hiding somewhere inside Uwe Boll. In a recent interview with the horror Web site FEARnet, the critic-boxing director of such celluloid atrocities as BloodRayne, In the Name of the King and Postal made a modest proposal for an early retirement we can all get behind: More »

1:30 PM on Mon Apr 7 2008
By STV
2,468 views, 6 comments

defamer on the red carpet

'Postal' Director Uwe Boll Shares His Theory On The Eventual 9/11 Remake


From time to time, Defamer videographer Molly McAleer seeks out the temporary camaraderie of the friendly folks patrolling the red carpet of various Hollywood events, looking to make a connection with someone other than the abusive, controlling TiVo mascot with whom she's recently formed an unhealthy relationship. On Sunday night, Molly turned up at the ArcLight premiere of Postal, the latest addition to director Uwe Boll's video-game-derived cinematic canon, where she and the legendarily confrontational Boll seemed to hit it off.

More »

2:54 PM on Tue Oct 23 2007
By Mark
3,300 views, 8 comments

Latest by saltwater: Oh, fudge, was that Scut Farkus?He had yellow eyes! YELLOW EYES!!! more »

counterpoints

Uwe Boll Now Pummeling Critics With Nasty E-Mail Instead Of Fists

Uwe Boll, Hollywood's go-to director when a studio absolutely, positively needs a video game adapted into a terrible movie that may one day show a profit in the home video market, is among the last of a dying breed of macho filmmakers who are utterly unafraid to fucking fight you if you write a review that displeases them. (Taking out a retaliatory full-page ad in Variety is, as you might guess, the pussified last refuge of the coward.) Upon reading Wired's negative assessment of Postal, Boll's latest contribution to the cinematic canon, he dashed off this love note to Chris Kohler, the piece's author: More »

5:13 PM on Tue Aug 14 2007
By Mark
2,297 views, 10 comments

Latest by deusdiabolus: The good news is, he's not doing the sequel to Alone In The Dark. The bad news is, there's a sequel to Alone In The Dark. more »