Defamer: Pop Fiction

Ashton, I'm Sorry, But I Ran Out Of Altoids

Douglas Reinhardt — Fri, 30 May 2008 11:25:00 PDT

boomp3.com

Demi Moore attempted to kiss her husband, Ashton Kutcher, outside of LAX on Thursday night, but the Punk'd star pulled away. According to spies on the scene, Kutcher told Moore that she had some fairly lethal breath. Moore checked her purse for mints, but she was fresh out. Kutcher explained that she would have to wait until they got home to kiss him. Moore stared a hole into her husband who attempted to hold back his laughter, but Kutcher shouted, "Ha! You got Pop Fiction'ed!"

[Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin]

Audrina Patridge Isn't Punking You; She Just Always Wanted An Oozing Arm Tattoo Declaring Her Love For Pork-Fried Rice

Seth — Fri, 28 Mar 2008 17:25:50 PDT

You've got to wake up puh-retty early in the morning to pull a fast one past the celebrity blogging community, Ashton Kutcher. At least that's what approximately 1200 gossip bloggers were saying today when faced with photos of The Hills supporting ho Audrina Patridge getting some tasty new ink at a Hollywood tattoo parlor. According to OK! magazine, the mystic Chinese phraseology she had etched into her forearm and then paraded, still-oozing, around high-density local paparazzi zones, translates loosely as, "The rice is fried in pork fat." (We throw it open to our Chinese-tattoo-translating readership for a more accurate interpretation.)

Something so outlandish seemed almost certainly the handiwork of Kutcher's merry band of paparazzi punksters at E!'s Pop Fiction, who have ably proven the pranking damage they can reap with their already classic "Eva Longoria receives a ring from non-boyfriend Mario Lopez" episode. (Boy were our faces red!) Still, we think it would be foolish to underestimate Ashton's wily abilities, to say nothing of overestimating Patridge's celebrity status. No, bloggers: We're sorry to disappoint, but that tattoo is 100% real—and highly, highly infectious. All will be revealed on next week's Style Network premiere of Nick Carter's Punk Fiction, a sort of meta-Pop Fiction, in which Z-list famepires will subject themselves to extreme body modifications and life-threatening scenarios in the hopes that someone—anyone—will notice them. And if you think that's good, wait until episode two, when The Bachelor's Shayne Lamas saws off her own leg!

Audrina Fries Her Rice in Pork Fat [OK!]

In The World Of 'Pop Fiction,' Nothing Eva Longoria-Related Is What It Seems

Seth — Mon, 17 Mar 2008 10:57:00 PDT

If you've yet to catch an episode of E!'s ~~Pap Smear~~ Pop Fiction, yet another stroke of punking genius from ascending media tycoon and noted cougar-hunter Ashton Kutcher, we've included a clip above. In it, Eva Longoria, for whom fame has quickly turned into a serious drag (please, God, just return her to a life of anonymity, where she can carry out her various, regular-person functions in peace!), and a think-tank consisting of Kutcher and his staff of ingratiating "producers" concoct a deliciously devious plan to "rekindle the non-relationship" with Longoria's longtime platonic friend, Mario Lopez.

Can't you just picture it now? The former Saved By The Bell star will gift her with a necklace, and the gullible tabloid press will fall for the ruse hook, line, and sinker. Moments later, the splashy photos will appear across paparazzi sites, gossip blogs, and eventually the tabloids and glossies. And oh, how they'll laugh. Laugh! For Eva and Mario, they are nothing but friends. And you bought it! Do you see now? Do you see what a fool you are, gullible consumer of paparazzi product? Now you go and think about what it is you've done during the commercial break, after which you'll learn things about K-Fed's spare tire that will blow your brains right out the back of your heads.

Pop Fiction [E Online]

A Well-Intentioned Hotel Heiress Turns The Tables On Today's Nefarious Celebrity-Industrial Complex

Molly Friedman — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 09:00:40 PDT

By now, we realize that we were "pap'd" by the Paris-and-Guru photo opportunity a few weeks ago, which was orchestrated by the devious media mastermind Ashton Kutcher and broadcast on Sunday night as part of his new show Pop Fiction. In the clip above, we watch Paris engage in her pre-hoax therapy-style production meeting, where she states that there is a "time and place" for all the paparazzi attacks launched against her, but that she has become exhausted by all of the unwanted attention. In order to put the papps in their place, she decided to combat all the unwanted press and guerilla forces NOT by avoiding attention, but rather by hitting some of her favorite hotspots with a mint-addicted healer impersonator in tow. That'll show em!

Dressed in a very sleuth-y beige trench and armed with a woman-of-mystery asymmetrical hairstyle, Paris and "Maxie" take to the streets, skillfully ignoring the small contingent of the dozen or so paps pressing inquiries ("What's up?"). But somehow the undercover counter-attack doesn't strike us to be quite as savvy and genius as Paris and the Anna Nicole Smith idea robber Ashton Kutcher thinks it is. After coyly remarking in the car, "I'm just curious what they're gonna make up," Paris pretty much answers her own question with, "Who. The hell. Is that. With Paris. So. Random." Yup, you really slammed the press with this elaborate set-up, you minx, you!

POP FICTION [Official Site]

Ashton Kutcher To Fix It So You Never Believe Anything You Read About That Paris Hilton Whore Again

Seth — Fri, 07 Mar 2008 14:48:12 PST

Finally! Someone has the guts to stand up for the world's downtrodden hotel heiresses, whose only desire is that they be left to live their lives in peace, free from the flashbulb-popping scavengers of the celebrity media. That's what has emerged from the recent photos published just about everywhere—including here—of Paris Hilton, accompanied by what turns out was not her guru, but an actor hired to fool us into thinking as much by Ashton Kutcher's new prank series, Pop Fiction:

Pop Fiction, an eight-episode series, is a prank show targeting paparazzi and gullible media outlets. It's made with the eager help of stars, who were the laughing stocks of Kutcher's former MTV show.

This time the shoe's on the other foot, and the series has been kept so tightly under wraps that E!'s own website fell victim to the Hilton hoax and other planted stories that producers won't yet divulge.
"You're speaking their language. We live in a culture that's driven by media and obsessed with celebrity, to the point where they don't have private lives anymore," [Kutcher's producing partner Jason] Goldberg says.

"Two people going out to eat turns into, 'They're engaged.' It's a feeding frenzy. It's dangerous and it's irresponsible in some cases."

So elaborate and convincing are these paparazzi punji sticks, that even more legitimate media outlets have found themselves duped. What Harper's Bazaar, for example, thought was an exclusive interview with the Kutcher-Moores was, in fact, yet another planted Pop Fiction prank. All that spiritual horseshit about how Kabbalah has helped Ashton and Demi through the rough patches was actually just a brilliant satire of what they imagined a vapid Hollywood couple would say in a fawning fashion magazine profile. Face it, Harper's: You've been pap'd!

Has Ashton Kutcher 'Punk'd' the paparazzi? [usatoday.com]