Defamer
stephen baldwin
Posts Tagged “
Politics
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Politics
Rejected by Barack Obama, Crestfallen Activist Scarlett Johansson Will Never E-Mail Again
This was supposed to be the time of Scarlett Johansson's life — happily engaged with at least two eagerly anticipated new films ahead of her and, most thrilling of all, her official status as Busty Blond Obama Campaign Cog confirmed a few weeks back when she confessed an ongoing e-mail correspondence with her fifth father and Democratic presidential nominee-to-be. "You'd imagine that someone like the senator who is constantly traveling and constantly 'on' — how can he return these personal e-mails?" she asked Politico on June 8.
Alas, as the Senator revealed this week, he can't — and he doesn't:
More »
The palpable surge of political enfranchisement sweeping America since Barack Obama's nomination clinch reached its logical conclusion this afternoon, when a note over the Defamer HQ transom confirmed that, yes, porn star Mary Carey has declared her candidacy for the State Assembly. The North Hollywood resident, who last ran for state office during the 2003 gubernatorial recall, is gathering signatures as we speak to run against District 43 incumbent Paul Krekorian. "I have always loved politics and know that the State Assembly would be a better position to begin my career in politics," Carey said in a statement released a few hours ago. "I want to energize people into caring about local politics again - much like we've seen in the national primaries. But unlike one of the presidential primary contenders, I'm actually a politician you'd want to get screwed by!" Alas, we refrain from editorial endorsements, but assuming she qualifies, the civically horny-minded among you will want to look for her legal name, Mary Cook. And God bless America — or something. 
the analog stallion
Yes, Barry Sonnenfeld, We Admit It: Defamer Hates America
There's something kind of magical about coming to work every day at Defamer HQ: The migraines; the server issues; the chronic ADD ... you get the picture. We're alerted today, however, to one of the perks we had apparently overlooked while basking in all this bleary-eyed glory. To hear the erstwhile auteur behind Wild Wild West and RV tell it, we and the rest of the Internet are now destroying American democracy! More »
ringing endorsements
John McCain Nabs Highly Coveted Montag Endorsement
Naturally, there are lots of important questions surrounding the presidential race. Whose policy on the war in Iraq will be the most effective? Will raising taxes help pull us out of this recession? Which candidate has the most viable solution to our nation's health care crisis? Who is Heidi Montag gonna vote for? More »
famous families
The Latest Additions To The Neverending Roster Of Brangelina Family Members Are ... Barack Obama And Hillary Clinton?
Brangelina has yet to officially support any of the current presidential candidates, but now that they have learned that they're related to two of them, we can expect that an endorsement (or two!) is forthcoming. According to the New England Historic Genealogical Society, Brad Pitt is "ninth cousins" with Barack Obama, and Angelina Jolie is coincidentally "ninth cousins" with Hillary Clinton. So will the couple happily add the Dems to their "soccer team" or will the wildly varying family trees tear 'em apart? After a bit of research, we discovered that even if the pair did welcome them into their many homes with welcome arms, one of the candidates isn't quite as enraptured with the Jolie-Pitts as the rest of the world... More »
tanked
Schwarzenegger Tank Rides Will Fix Corrupted L.A. Youth Once and For All
In the greatest act of child bribery by a sitting governor since Bill Clinton withheld his 44th birthday cake from a young, broccoli-boycotting Chelsea, Arnold Schwarzenegger recently recalled his vintage M47 Army tank from its Ohio museum exile as an enticement to California's at-risk youths to just behave already, for Christ's sake.
The governor, who used to offer movie set visits to young Angelenos, apparently determined those kids would rather get high than accept his visits to Sacramento to tour the State Capitol:
[Schwarzenegger] said he plans to offer the rides to inner-city children in the Los Angeles area as a reward for staying in school, avoiding drugs and working hard.More »
loose lips
Extremist Islamic Terrorists Hail Their New Queen, Sharon Stone
After giving an anti-war interview to Middle Eastern newspaper Al Hayat, Sharon Stone is finally getting rave reviews. Sadly, they're not from the trades; they're from the terrorists. After visiting the region on a very Angelina Jolie-esque "fact-finding mission," Stone told the paper she feels "great pain" thinking about the war in Iraq, prompting extremist leaders like Muhammed Abel Al to get downright gushy with praise: "This lady is smelling and seeing the dangers for the future of America." It's not quite the same as getting a plucky pullquote from Jeffrey Lyons, but it'll do. However, it gets worse! Apparently, if we don't "follow" Stone's lead, the United States will be totally fucked. More »
Having long ago elected Barack Obama the President of Hollywood, how will the industry react to Hillary Clinton's win in California's Democratic primary? Disappointed kingmaker David Geffen, despite having prematurely predicted victory for Obama, is not yet abandoning ship, even if DreamWorks partner Steven Spielberg is stubbornly sticking out a passionless political marriage with Clinton. Indeed, maybe it's time Geffen starts thinking about his next move, like sitting down with Maureen Dowd for another one of those fun interviews before all of his friends start getting crazy ideas about jumping on the Hillary bandwagon. [Slate]
short ends
Who Else Has Matt Damon Been Fucking?
· As a couple of different people have now pointed this out to us, we feel compelled to share: Before Matt Damon was fucking Sarah Silverman, he was all over Scotty's ladyfriend in Eurotrip. [via Lindsayism]
· Robert De Niro has come down with Obamamania.
· Learn all about new Britney Spears lawyer Adam Streisand's not-so-secret connection to another, much more famous Streisand! Yes, it's the one you're thinking of!
· Turner Classic Movies dares the WGA to stay on strike.
Wanting to avoid any accusations of cynically using Heath Ledger's death as a news peg for the debut of a new PSA discouraging teens from abusing prescription drugs, the President's staff postponed his public preview of the ad until later in the week; while that still might not be enough time to avoid all associations with yesterday's tragedy, the chief executive will be able to better rehearse his answers about his complicated feelings on Brokeback Mountain. Said Press Secretary Dana Perino: "Given the tragedy of yesterday's passing of the beloved actor, we did not want anyone to think we were trying to link into that story in any way." [ABC Political Radar]
While high-profile Barack Obama supporters like George Clooney have publicly fretted about how too many showbiz endorsements might taint their candidate in the heartland and offered to support him from a safe distance, new Obamamania cheerleader Scarlett Johansson threw such caution to the wind yesterday, delivering a fifteen minute (!) speech in Iowa that removed all doubt about which Democratic candidate has the support of Hollywood's bustiest, most politically active ingenues. [Open All Night Via Jezebel]
endorsements
Christian chop-socker and 2007's "Most Forwarded" Chuck Norris sat down with Larry King last night to share his opinions about who should run the free world. It's Mike Huckabee. So, when you're in the booth next year, about to press flesh to Diebold, remember: Chuck Norris endorses Mike Huckabee. (You might want to bookmark this page.) The mind reels at the the "Norris Facts"-esque gems inboxs will clog with over the coming year: "Mike Huckabee doesn't believe in creationism. He created it." More »
Huckabee A Landslide In Chuck Norris Primary
Christian chop-socker and 2007's "Most Forwarded" Chuck Norris sat down with Larry King last night to share his opinions about who should run the free world. It's Mike Huckabee. So, when you're in the booth next year, about to press flesh to Diebold, remember: Chuck Norris endorses Mike Huckabee. (You might want to bookmark this page.) The mind reels at the the "Norris Facts"-esque gems inboxs will clog with over the coming year: "Mike Huckabee doesn't believe in creationism. He created it." More »
trade roundup
The Big O Makes Her Presidential Pitch
· Oprah Winfrey delivers an impassioned, 20-minute stump speech in Des Moines on behalf of Barack Obama, whose presidential candidacy was officially designated as one of her Favorite Things of 2007. In addition to the inspiration they received, each one of the thousands of Iowans in attendance at the rally left with his or her own copy of O's Guide to Life and a dozen Perfect Endings cupcakes. [Variety]
· VH1 greenlights eight episodes of Viva Hollywood!, its Top Modelesque talent search for Telemundo's next big telenovela star. There's also a $100,000 prize to cushion the blow when the competition's winner fails to capitalize on the big break and returns to his or her bartending job. [THR]
This excerpt represents exactly how far we read into Sean Penn's mammoth entry on the Huffington Post from earlier today. See if you can beat our record! Good luck: "It's been an odd week. For me, a particularly odd week. But that's another story. So, wait a minute. Iran DOESN'T have nuclear weapon capability??? So, who are we gonna bomb? I want to bomb somebody! Didn't Senator Clinton just vote in essence to give President Bush the power to bomb Iran? If he had done it last week, would that have made her right? I mean, if she knew then what she knows now? Or am I getting that backward? Golly, I'm confused." [HuffPo]
amazing stunts
In another demonstration of how well she's coping without the services of her striking writers—and one that was far more effective than Monday's bongo-enhanced effort—Ellen DeGeneres welcomed First Daughter Jenna Bush onto the show, whom she quickly challenged to try and reach her parents live via telephone, a stunt sure to send her ratings skyrocketing and make everyone forget about the show-offy on-air call Oprah Winfrey recently placed to God to get his opinion on her Favorite Things Special. More »
First Daughter Proves to Ellen That She Can Operate A Telephone, Has Access To Parents
In another demonstration of how well she's coping without the services of her striking writers—and one that was far more effective than Monday's bongo-enhanced effort—Ellen DeGeneres welcomed First Daughter Jenna Bush onto the show, whom she quickly challenged to try and reach her parents live via telephone, a stunt sure to send her ratings skyrocketing and make everyone forget about the show-offy on-air call Oprah Winfrey recently placed to God to get his opinion on her Favorite Things Special. More »
Handicapping the field of Republican presidential nominee hopefuls, 24 showrunner/televised-torture innovator Joel Surnow says that Hollywood's half-empty-handful of conservatives are leaning Giuliani-ward, an expression of support that can't bode well for Law & Order star Fred Thompson's already-doomed candidacy. Also, he's not exactly bullish on Hillary Clinton's electability: "'I'm not even sure that Hillary is a fait accompli [to win the Democratic Party nomination] as this point,' Mr. Surnow told a group of reporters and bloggers in a wide-ranging interview during the Young America's Foundation's (YAF) West Coast Leadership Conference. 'Are we nuts thinking Hillary Clinton could be president of this country? Honest to God, just stand back and think about it.'" And for those without the imagination to "just stand back and think about it," the upcoming season of his show (if it ever airs) should play out in thrilling detail the apocalyptic worst-case scenario that could face the nation if it follows 24-America in putting a Hillaryesque president in the White House. [Washington Times]
With these words, action star/political activist/internet demigod Chuck Norris abandons his own promising presidential candidacy and makes his official endorsement for the Republican nomination, pledging to saddle up and rise a conservative dark horse all the way to the White House: "A short time ago, I wrote in jest about what I would do if I am elected president. Of course, that was written all in good fun. Like most of you, over the summer and into the fall, I've been watching, listening, studying and praying about who could lead this country as our next president. I won't leave you in suspense. Though Giuliani might be savvy enough to lead people, Fred Thompson wise enough to wade through the tides of politics, McCain tough enough to fight terrorism and Romney business-minded enough to grow our economy, I believe the only one who has all of the characteristics to lead America forward into the future is ex-Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee." [World Net Daily via CNN Political Ticker]
