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Defamer Mysteries
Twice this week, a man has driven his car into the gates of Hugh Hefner's estate—more commonly known as the Playboy Mansion—in Holmby Hills. The LAPD is not being forthcoming with details, saying only it has something to do with an "ongoing dispute." We've rounded up the possible suspects after the jump:
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no accounting for taste
Service With a Smile: More than a little blandness was bound to result from any overlap of Playboy and The Olive Garden, an illegitimate union no one (least of all us) quite saw coming. But then Kendra Wilkinson dragged her leftover fettucine alfredo to the Playboy Mansion in a porn-y April plea to servers nationwide: Send in your pictures, ladies, and you could be chosen as one of Playboy's Girls of Olive Garden! We have no idea if any of the women featured in the resultant Web pictorial are actual waitresses at the nation's least-convincing Italian chain eatery, but just in case: Let's all salute "Amy," the pride of the OG in Arcadia, having reached the pinnacles of both the local food service industry and international Web smut in less than three months. And to think we never believed that the Olive Garden's Culinary Institute could take a girl places. We're kind of happy to be wrong, though. [Playboy via Goldenfiddlr]
Four Score
While most old folks would reward a query like, "Tell me about your fourgies, Grandpa!" with a sharp caning, Playboy founder Hugh Hefner is of a different breed. In his upcoming book, Mr. Playboy: Hugh Hefner and the American Dream, Steven Watts convinced the swinging octogenarian to open up about his earliest sexual adventures, including one aborted wife swap that led the mogul to seek out friendlier, more familiar partners. Says Page Six:
More »Hef then went further, trying a foursome out on his own family. "It did happen with his brother, Keith, and his wife, Rae, one evening," Watts writes. "[But] while Millie ultimately backed out of having sex with Keith, Hugh slept with his sister-in-law."
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breasts
Pictured center in white suit and sunglasses is Playboy magazine editor-in-chief Hugh Hefner, holding court on the West Coast's cleavage-friendly response to the Texas Polygamist Wives Compound. ("It's not. A compound. It's our hutch and it's our home.") He's surrounded by several generations of Playmates, gathered to celebrate the crowning of 2008's Playmate of the Year, Jayde Nicole (standing, in the purple milkmaid outfit). Hailing from Scarborough, Ontario, Nicole is just the latest in an illustrious line of Canadian superstar Playmates that includes Pamela Anderson, Shannon Tweed, and the doomed Dorothy Stratten—inspiring Frankie Muniz to recently quip that there must be "something magic in the maple syrup," as he made it in the grotto with a set of twins from Sault Ste. Marie. After the ceremony, guests were invited to join Hef on the lawn, where the former Playmate on the extreme lower right—the answer to what happens when you cross Loretta Swit with Cicciolina and a pneumatic air gun—lay on her back, treating everyone in attendance to a round of impromptu bouncy castle rides.
[Photo credit: Getty]
art porn
The latest trendy excuse floating through the manipulative minds of Young Hollywood? Nude photo shoots are totally artistic! As we reported yesterday, Hills sidekick and all-around Mensa candidate Audrina Patridge completed a scheduled spread for Playboy, only to have the story nixed (we've never, ever taken a glimpse at the mag ourselves of course, but our "friends" tell us B-cups aren't a common theme in Hef's airbrushed centerfold ouevre). But after the photos were released in all their Catholic school girl, cowboy hat glory, Patridge is pulling a Dina Lohan and claiming the bonerific shots are totally just art, guys: "I intended them to be artistic and not in any way provocative." After the jump, the wise one's words of advice for all the young wannabe actresses out there hoping their ticket to stardom will come in the form of artsy T&A:
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revenge of the nerdy actresses
While many bright-eyed actresses with big dreams will hit the casting couch circuit in an attempt to land their first break, Jenna Fischer wasn't willing to give it up after an entire year spent pounding the Los Angeles pavement. But now that she's a big star, she understandably has some choice words for the screenwriter who, a few years back, gave her shit for refusing to drop trou for him. In an interview with Playboy, Jenna tells a story about what happened after she ran into Halloween 5 screenwriter Shem Bitterman at a party one year into her move-west-and-act life plan. Apparently, her non-interest in starring in a "like, really raunchy" new film of his spurred the scribe to claim she was clearly "not a real actress." And while the old Jenna did nothing but go home and cry her newbie eyes out, the emboldened Office star has this to say to the Bitterman today:
"What an asshole, I should have told him, 'How about I piss on your face? Does that make me a real actress? Let's try that. I'll do that right here. I'll do that today.' Bring me Shem Bitterman."More »
sexy boys
girls, cops, cars, and rough stuff
We don't think this one needs too much dressing up: A report about former Playboy magazine model Rebecca Reyes, who claims she was manhandled by Texas cops, replete with tearful, first person recollection of the events. Observations? Um, former Playboy models crying makes us sad. Also, brown is an underrated tanktop color. Happy New Year, everyone!
As the saying goes, hell hath no fury like a Playmate scorned by a reality TV manwhore. Hefnerian figure model Holley Dorrough sharpens her bunny-claws to a razor edge, slashing out wildly at the marginally famous scion of Bruce Jenner in this MySpace attack: "1. Brody Jenner ( Malibu/LA, CA)- You can just go fuck yourself! You and ur little buddy Frankie. You get a high off THINKING you are famous. Think about it dumbass, YOU have done nothing. You are known as Brody, they guy that you will occasionally see on the hills trying to screw Lauren, or the guy who dated Lindsay, or Nicole , whos dad is an Olympic gold medalist a long time ago. But what have you done youself? nothing! You feed off other people to get fame. You only date girls that have made a name for themselves just to be seen with them so you can try and stay in the spotlight. You know that 75% percent of the girls in LA are whores and will have sex with you just to say they did and you take full advantage of that which is disgusting. Its pretty bad when I couldnt even mention your name without AT LEAST one girl in LA saying "ohh watch out for him girl." [MySpace]
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