Defamer
Beautiful People
Posts Tagged “
People
”
Beautiful People
Defamer Photo Essay
Tom Cruise's Comeback Film: A Village People Biopic, Starring Tom Cruise In Every Role
As Tom Cruise loves to remind us on his website, he's been prancing around Hollywood for 25 years, playing all kinds of roles we vaguely remember. But who knew all that hard work had been mere preparation for his landmark role in a one-man Village People biopic? In an apparent nod to American history, the patriotic Cruise temporarily abandoned hope for a truce between his army of Xenuphobes and Germany, choosing to split the difference and celebrate this wonderful country L. Ron Hubbard called home. In between the COS founder’s time traveling vacations to ancient Rome and DeLorean rides to the future, that is. And now that Cruise has donned a cowboy hat, tight jeans, and a fitted tee, he’s officially paid homage to each bandmate from that gayer-than-gay feel-good group of song-and-dance men who would surely welcome Cruise into a singalong of “It’s Raining Men.” So among Tom’s many characterizations of the Navy Boy, Earnest Construction Worker, Bad Boy Officer and, of course, Leatherman, which Village Person’s
dadagers
Papa Joe Simpson: Hollywood's Least Valuable Player
We have a feeling that, were there a group of deadbeat dads out in Glendale (a la those Dina Lohan-lovin' freaks out East) who got drunk enough one day to form a Totally Awesome Dads Association (TADA!), they would most likely celebrate their first-year anniversary by handing out their Bud Light-drenched award for Father Of The Year to Papa Joe Simpson. Why? Well, as we already know, the former minister-turned-dadager managed to pimp out a few mind-numbingly boring exclusive wedding pictures featuring most annoyingly faux-punk new marrieds on the planet, Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz, to People a few weeks back. But what we didn’t know was that, at the same time, Simpson was allegedly attempting to sell off his other daughter Jessica — not to the tabloids, but to then-boyfriend Tony Romo. See the astonishing managing skills this guy has? But he reportedly wasn’t stopping at selling off his daughter — he was also said to be pressuring the quarterback to sign a client/manager agreement and become one of the magically successful Simpson Family Players: More »
There’s no shortage of sleazy surprises in the world of baby picture pimping. Today, TMZ reports that soon-to-be-dad Matthew McConaughey and his model girlfriend Camila Alves have hired an actual agent to auction off photos of their upcoming newborn’s visage to the major glossies. And the “brand agent” in question, Todd Shemarya, has quite a record — he’s the man behind Brangelina’s record-setting deal with People, and Christina Aguilera’s far less pricey cover with the same weekly. As disturbed as we are that such a man exists, we’re more saddened to learn that former nude bongo player and hairy beach hippie McConaughey would cash in on his first kid. We're actually starting to miss the hobo doing push-ups outside a trailer we'd grown accustomed to. Then again, the $1MM that he's reportedly been offered by three separate spawn-obsessed mags can buy a lot of t-shirts. [TMZ]
Once Upon A People
'People' Unveils Massive Cover Archive Online, All We See Are Fabio's Pecs And John Travolta's Quads
It took them long enough, but People has finally seized the magical capabilities of the world wide web and uploaded each and every cover in its almost 45-year history online. And while we hand-picked a few of our favorites, from a very Dirk Diggler-looking John Travolta in 1983 to the sad black and white sight of Jennifer Aniston’s misty eyes looking up as Brad Pitt placed the wedding ring on her finger in 2000, we also featured a few after the jump that are slightly more disturbing. "Judge Judy Disrobed," and Brooke Shields doing her whole kiddie porn thing back in the 70s, for example. Plus, a very special throwback to a time when the world wondered whether Britney was looking “too sexy too soon” ... way back in 2000! More »
beautiful and damned
Does Landing The Cover Of People's 'Most Beautiful' Issue Come With A Curse?
Today, People has revealed that Kate Hudson will appear as the cover girl for their 2008 Most Beautiful People issue, and we'd certainly like to send out a hearty congrats to the recently divorced single mom who's currently nursing Owen Wilson back to health. But after taking a look back at the list of stars who've previously nabbed the annual issue's cover spot, we fear there may be a curse accompanying the glossy honor. Sure, Leonardo DiCaprio (1998) and Julia Roberts (2000, 2005) haven't slipped up since having their smiley visage top the list, but a sizeable chunk of the winning alumni eerily saw their public and private lives undergo a downward spiral following their appearance on the issue's cover. We took a closer look at the possible curse-laden honor after the jump: More »
sex is dirty
Sarah Jessica Parker Does Not Want To Talk About Sex, Baby
We were always a bit confused when Sarah Jessica Parker touted her no-nudity clause throughout all six seasons of Sex And The City, considering how often her character would appear in three-inch long skirts and see-through tops that left nothing to the imagination. Despite being the only actress out of the four leads who never technically revealed any T&A, we still walked away from the show with a near-perfect idea (unfortunately) of what SJP looks like naked. So why break out in a rash and put on earmuffs at the very mention of the word "sex," a word that's come to define her entire career, in this clip from last night's Conan? More »
blind items
Which Young Actress (Cough, Ellen Page, Cough) Dared To Blow Off The Advances Of Jane Fonda?
Oh Ellen Page. First you send your "power lesbian" publicist into a tizzy defending your heterosexual honor, then you make a fool out of poor Jay Leno in his own house of belly laughs. Have you really moved on to shun the potty-mouthed legend that is Jane Fonda? One stripper-scripted indie hit on your resume does not entitle you to divadom quite yet. In a scathing NY Daily News blind item today, a "rising young actress" is reported to have brushed off Fonda's desire to meet her at a party with a curse-laden remark, and as our detective skills suggest after the jump, all signs point to Page as the catty star in question.
UPDATE (2:55pm): Ellen Page's "power lesbian" publicist Kelly Bush (#50 on Out Magazine's Power 50) responds! Full response after the jump.
More »
closet space
Ellen Page Mans Up On Leno, Forcing Jay To Actually Come Up With A Few Of His Own Jokes
Despite her "power lesbian" publicist vehemently lashing out against all those pesky lesbian rumors, Ellen Page still has her work cut out for her when it comes to convincing us she doesn't (even on occasion) prefer girls. The Smart People star appeared on Leno last night to obediently promote the film, and even though Page got slightly more gussied up than usual in a tight-ish dress and heels, her inability to cross those legs comfortably coupled with an imitation of what someone looks like "lifting weights in the sunshine" did little to disspell our suspicions. More »
Anyone who saw his appearance on Ellen today knows that Thomas Haden Church is a real laugh riot. Just ask Thomas Haden Church. His favorite joke? Showing his dick to people. After flashing his junk on the set of Sideways — not exactly the indie version of Porky's — the numbnuts mechanic from Wings decided the best way to keep his second chance at success going was to flash another cast and crew. On the set of his new film Smart People (which, judging from the preview, looks too dumb for smart people and too boring for dumb people) Church once again showed off his junk. "Dennis and the cameraman enjoyed that... Dennis whirled in disgust and left the set." Perhaps it is the belief that a successful joke clears the room which makes Church leave his "sticky fruits flopping around" all the time. Or maybe a better explanation can be found in the actor's own initials, THC. We're just saying... [Contact Music]
stuff white people like
More »
'Idol' Final Nine Desecrate Hip-Hop In Most Inglorious Fashion Imaginable
As Nas famously proclaimed, hip hop is dead. And last night, we found the murder weapon. Behold the Ford commercial from Wednesday's American Idol. It features your final nine American Idol hopefuls rapping. Not singing, mind you, but rapping.More »
order in the court
Harvey Levin 'Cunt' Slip Puts Exciting New Spin on Legalese
Our trip yesterday into the Harvey Levin Conscientiousness Archives suggested to us that there is a pure, classy heart sequestered somewhere the yapping-asshole exterior that will even exploit someone's dead mother for the greater TMZ good. A late-night tip from a curiously minded YouTube devotee, however, allays our doubts about Levin's character once and for all, assuring us that only a true paragon of taste and justice would ask citizen jurors of The People's Court if they want to "go inside the cunt." Are you kidding, Harvey? We'd follow you anywhere. [YouTube]
those are the people who dyed, dyed
Ben Stiller's Ever-Changing Hair Color Makes Us Wonder What Decade He Thinks He's In
Anyone else have one of those crazy uncles who keeps heading to the hair salon for "touch-ups" just to avoid going gray? Well, Ben Stiller has officially become one of those crazy uncles who has hit the Just For Men bottle a bit too hard. Apparently unsatisfied with letting nature take its course, Stiller inexplicably showed up at last night's premiere of The Ruins with a fresh new dye job. After the jump, we track the metamorphosis of his locks from early strays to full on gray to, of course, his new back to black-ish look. More »
these are the people who dyed, dyed
Judy Greer Forced By Movie Producers To Dye Her Hair In Deference To Jennifer Aniston
Judy Greer has been orbiting around stardom for the better part of the last 10 years. And although she's had a couple of delicious supporting turns over the years (13 Going On 30, Adaptation, Jawbreaker), she's never quite broken through into the leading lady category ... until now. Ashton Kutcher picked her to be the lead of his new ABC comedy, Miss Guided, and now the lovely and talented Miss Greer is getting her first taste of hitting the promotional circuit as a star. And guess what? She's eating it up. She was as giddy as a school girl during her appearance on The Late Show With David Letterman last night, but also managed to rein in her emotions enough to tell Dave a funny story about how she's still forced to endure some of the humilities that the Hollywood machine puts second fiddles through. More »
he's still ready to make amends, people
The 'Lost Boys 2' Trailer Premiere: Now With 100% Less Corey Haim!
With 21 years dividing the first The Lost Boys from its sequel The Lost Boys 2: Return to Lost Boys Island (An Interactive Sing n' Say DVD Adventure), we weren't expecting much from its trailer premiere on MTV.com; recapturing adolescent-vampire lighting-in-a-bottle, after all, seemed to us as unlikely a scenario as Corey Haim securing work from a trade ad announcing his splashy return to the game. Just like we feared, the results are decidedly mixed, as while Santa Carla's immortal tweens population still seems to be up to all manner of bloodsucking hoodlumism, the complete absence of Corey Feldman's name-sharing, platonic life-partner from the proceedings suggests to us that Haim's eventual inclusion in the production whose shunning once made him cry was symbolic at best.
two women enter, one woman leaves
Christina Aguilera and Nicole Richie In No Holds Barred Glossy Mag Sales Contest
With hot-headed debates regarding the sales of (People! Exclusive!!) Christina Aguilera's baby blabber cover story in January versus (People! Exclusive!!) Nicole Richie's baby blabber cover last week, the chattering newsies are heatedly trying to get to the bottom of a quasi-intellectual argument about fame and newsstand sales. According to an MSNBC source, the Richie issue "sold more than 1.8 million copies...whereas Aguilera's has sold far less." But why the greater public interest in the ostensibly careerless Richie, as opposed to the Grammy award-winning Aguilera? Apparently, weekly readers like them some knocked up druggies and the weeklies know it:
"She's gone public about being a heroin addict. Her boyfriend is covered in tattoos. By default, she's got the more interesting baby."More »
oh baby
Nicole Richie's New Baby Already Eschewing Mom's Dieting Advice
After shelling out a reported $1MM to Nicole Richie and That Guy From Good Charlotte, People unveiled their Super! Exclusive! Must! Credit! People! baby photos of Harlow Winter Kate Madden today. And something about those droopy eyes and vacant glare do suggest that Joel Madden is indeed the father. Although we don't yet see any resemblance to Mama Nicole, Harlow is definitely packing junk in the...cheeks. But that's a good thing! For a close-up of the just-under-two-month-old sporting the grim expression of someone who knows that their life is going to turn into a True Hollywood Story, click through. More »
attractive people simulating coitus
'Supermodel' Devolves Into A Girl-On-Girl-On-Guy-On-Guy Free-For-All
We must admit, for a reality show we initially wrote off as being pointless and shamelessly derivative, Bravo's Make Me A Supermodel has us by the throats. We'll watch some episodes two, three, 17 times. It's also the rare reality show we insist on watching alone. Go figure! With that surfer/D.J. creep Dominic sent packing by America last night, mumbling something about how ill-fitting shoes have cost him his shot at male supermodel greatness, we could finally get down to brass tacks:
More »