Personally I still miss this unmistakable quality, and have to ask, where has it gone? We have no shortage of talent and beauty in Hollywood today, but those stars that come across (to men at least) as having true class, style, and by extension, smarts, seem in low supply. I don't see that rare, ethereal quality in Angelina, Charlize Theron, Naomi Watts, or Halle Berry, capable "actors" all. (Admittedly, Laura Linney comes close, but she has a certain earthbound quality; notwithstanding her obvious acting chops, too often she comes off like everyone's sister, the one you instinctively passed over.)

We wouldn't take it that far, but still, this idea that one contemporary actress is the last classy woman standing got us thinking: Pound for pound, what's Joan Allen got that a handful of others after the jump don't?

Patricia Clarkson: She earned an Oscar nod playing up ailing dysfunction in Pieces of April, but she's a revelation of raw, complex class in underseen indies from The Dying Gaul to Lars and the Real Girl to Married Life. Woody Allen should be sued for her character's forced, egregious wimpiness in Vicky Cristina Barcelona.

Penélope Cruz: Mostly in Spanish-language films, we're afraid, particularly Volver and All About my Mother. But her strides opposite Ben Kingsley in Elegy help us forget her crossover beard efforts in Sahara and Vanilla Sky.

Vera Farmiga: She owned Down to the Bone, overshot hysterically in Joshua, and settled into a tormented, riveting (and generally unseen) sexiness in Quid Pro Quo. Bonus: She belongs here if only for holding her own in The Departed in what's written as little more than a token role for "Anonymous Person with Vagina."

Naomi Watts: Did class and trash with equal aplomb in Mulholland Drive, then slyly revised the role as rags-to-riches starlet Ann Darrow — the only watchable thing opposite Andy Serkis and a green screen in King Kong. Was as classy as they come in little-seen, forgotten The Painted Veil. (Rent it, John Farr.)

Catherine Zeta-Jones: Versatile and gorgeous, too often overshadowed by her male leads in the likes of the Zorro films, Intolerable Cruelty, No Reservations — not to mention in her own marriage. She's reportedly playing Lana Turner in Stompanato, finally giving her a chance at the lead in a melodrama people might actually see. (Sorry, Harvey Weinstein.)

Who did we miss? We know, we know — besides Dakota Fanning.

• Where Are All The Classy, Smart Female Stars Today? [HuffPo]

There's just one thing: as the two-thirds of Defamer who've seen the movie can confirm, there is an on-screen threesome in Vicky Cristina Barcelona — albeit a tame, brief one. Details after the jump:

Now, keep this in mind: Woody Allen has never been big on the sex scenes. Even the recent, sensual Match Point was all about the foreplay and afterglow, baring nary a R-rated body part. So, too, is Vicky Cristina Barcelona, which features two separate foreplay scenes, each set in the same darkroom: one where Johansson and Cruz lock lips, and one where the kissing actresses coax Javier Bardem to join in. The latter scene doesn't escalate far beyond "You kiss me. Now, you kiss her. OK, now I kiss her!" but it's still fairly steamy for the Wood-man, all things considered. Is it on par with the champagne-soaked menage a trois from Wild Things? Not unless Scar-Jo gets a do-over with Ryan Reynolds and Barack Obama.

• Can Horny Movie Critics Make Woody Allen’s ‘Vicky Cristina Barcelona’ a Hit? [New York]

• Vicky Cristina Barcelona's Big Three-Way Lie [Gawker]

D: So did you actually call Sir Ben Kingsley "Sir Ben" on set?

DH: I did. Absolutely. With pleasure.

D: Yet the viewer gets the sense you have the mandate to continually bust his balls, even off-camera. You also share a fairly shocking moment near the end of the film. What was your relationship like?

DH: It was all written, really. It was a wonderful relationship that seems very real and honest; you can tell the two men really loved each other and respected each other. I think that my character realized that as professors at the university, Sir Ben was probably a little smarter, a little brighter, a little more removed — but certainly not as worldly as my character, who is advising him on having an affair with a younger woman. My character has had many affairs. It's the one moment my character has an up on him. In my career I never had a part that was really seemed like a real person — the emotion, the give and take between Sir Ben and myself were very honest, I thought.

D: Your career is endlessly fascinating: You acted alongside James Dean twice; obviously there's Easy Rider; you've appeared opposite three Oscar-winners in as many films this year alone. Do you ever take stock of how many Hollywood storylines your work intersects?

DH: Yeah, sort of. But not really. I think of my career as a disappointment most of the time. After Easy Rider and The Last Movie, not directing anymore was a really devastating affair for me. And for the last 16 years, trying to direct movies and not getting financing has really been very hard on me. I really want to direct. I know that through the years I've been very fortunate to act; Blue Velvet was wonderful. Apocalypse Now. But if you still always think about directing movies, it's a chore. And I had to take a lot of bad movies at times. Out of 150 movies that I've been in, there are maybe 20 that are really good movies.

D: You've also got TV behind you and in front of you, including an cable adaptation of Crash. It's obviously a pretty polarizing film; will the series follow that same vein?

DH: Well, you'll remember that that was three different stories that sort of all come together in Los Angeles. Los Angeles is still the basis of where it's all happening, though we're shooting in Albuquerque. The writers are the same — Bobby Moresco and Paul Haggis — but the characters are all different. I play a Phil Spector-type music mogul whose always trying to look for the next big move. He's hired a 22-year-old driver from Watts who wants to be a rap star. Their relationship is totally bizarre. But it's wonderfully written and I'm having a good time.

D: But does the world really need 13 more hours of Crash?

DH: These are different characters. But why do they need it? Why does the world need entertainment at all? Do we need TV? We have it. And we do have series, and they're usually 13 in the first run. This is going to be a good 13. I love it because I've never seen such incredible language, and the things you can do on cable television now you can't even get away with in movies. We had an orgy the other day. For me it's a joy.

You see, Penelope has been suffering from a very common disorder among borderline crazy celebrities since she was a wee moth — a troubling situation involving a "monster" living inside her, determined to "sabotage the most beautiful moments" in her life. We can only presume this demon tends to follow the same pattern each and every time she says "Uh oh! Here it is again! Go away and leave me alone!": Flashing its diamond-tipped manicure and next season's skinny men's suit from Marc Jacobs, the pinkies-out being scatters a potent amount of fairy dust on ex-"boyfriends" like Tommy and beer swilling boy-fan Matty McConaughey, distracting their bedazzled eyes from the beard they desperately require. Which is sad, considering one of the nicest things her Secret Lives Of Women director Isabel Croixet had to say about the Spanish star was how the sight of Cruz naked is the "least sexy moment in history." Perhaps someone ought to FedEx a copy of Secrets to those Maxim boys, requiring a "correction" in their next issue?

[Photo credit: The Celebrity Blog]

• PENELOPE CRUZ W MAGAZINE 2008 COVER PHOTO [The Celebrity Blog]

UPDATE (6/14/08 @ 7:20am): Both Ms Hayek and Ms Cruz have released statements denying any connection to Mr Villarreal Barragán, his associated groups or any knowledge of who the house belonged to. In a statement, agents for the actresses said that "the production of Bandidas arranged the accomodation for all the actores, which is common practice in the film industry". The statement also said that "Penélope Cruz chose a hotel but Salma Hayek prefered a house because she was travelling with her pet dogs. Hayek never knew who owned the house or had any contact with its owners or with anything associated with the rented place, which was paid for by the production company."

If you’re among the five or six people who saw Bandidas, the 2006 Bonnie & Clyde: The Girl-On-Girl Edition! bomb co-starring Penelope Cruz and Salma Hayek, the first thing you should be is ashamed of yourself. Now that we've scolded you, it's time to learn the possible reason why the “comedy” caper was so downright awful. Yes, Salma and Penelope wore very cute little pink lacy numbers, the film had a scene featuring Hayek jumping spread-eagle on to a horse, and Steve Zahn provided some slight comic relief just by being in the damn thing, but a revelation involving where the two chicas called home while filming may explain why the film went awry: “The stars slept at a [cocaine] trafficker's house for several days during the 2006 shoot. The property belonged to Sergio Villareal Barragán, known as 'El Grande' or the 'Big One.'” We took a look back at the cringy trailer to see if there may be any truth to the suggestive allegations that Salma and Penelope spent some time living the glamorous drug den life while on set.

Despite Salma's painful over-acting and Penelope's seemingly bipolar mood from scene to scene (one moment she's just! so! perky! and the next she's staring into space like a zombie coming down from one very long binge), we highly doubt the ladies were partaking in any of their alleged temporary landlord's stash. Salma tends to overact (Ugly Betty guest spot, anyone?), and Penelope tends to zombie-act her way through roles, the notable exception being her phenomenal role in Volver. So even if the trial witness who made these claims is telling the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth (which, mind you, is a trait not commonly found among those embroiled in drug trafficking), we'd still be on Team Hotties. After all, even if they were hitting the slopes while filming, it's not like this disaster of a movie could've been salvaged anyway.

• PENELOPE CRUZ AND SALMA HAYEK STAYED AT DRUG TRAFFICKER'S HOUSE [Daily Telegraph]

What better way to annul your time spent in rehab than by pulling the old “It was just research!” card? That’s what Eva Mendes is allegedly claiming, pegging her January stay at Le Cirque in Utah to an upcoming role in Queen Of The South where she'll play a female drug lord or, as some have termed the character, “the female Scarface.” At the time, so-called insiders came forward saying Mendes was everything from a “closet drinker” to a prescription drug addict. Though it’s a nice thought that Mendes’ month-long stay alongside real-live drunk Kirsten Dunst was just a hush-hush effort to really feel like a druggie, we took a look at the timeline coupled with Mendes’ past, and find the excuse weak at best:

For one thing, Mendes has already appeared in her fair share of drug movies. There was last year’s We Own The Night, where she played the coke-dabbling girlfriend to Joaquin Phoenix’s drug dealer with a heart of gold. And 2003’s Once Upon A Time In Mexico centered around the Mexican president declaring war on a drug cartel, while that same year she played drug money-lover Denzel Washington’s ex-wife in Out Of Time. As for her potentially career-boosting role in Queen, her casting was announced only two weeks ago. Until her stay in rehab, two other names were still circling around the part: Jennifer Lopez and Penelope Cruz were said to be in consideration for the part as well. We only wish they’d gone with Cruz early on and relieved Mendes of the need to method act her way all the way to Le Cirque and scandal; Cruz already nailed the powdered-up girlfriend in Blow so convincingly that we still can’t help looking at her without getting the sense that she’s just itching to snort the dandruff off of whatever guy has currently enlisted her as their Beard.

• EVA MENDES RESEARCHING ROLE IN REHAB? [Starpulse]

"Clint Eastwood made two films about Iwo Jima that ran for more than four hours total and there was not one Negro actor on the screen," Lee told reporters. "If you reporters had any balls you'd ask him why. There's no way I know why he did that — that was his vision, not mine. But I know it was pointed out to him and that he could have changed it. It's not like he didn't know."

Incidentally, when Eastwood was asked about Lee's comments during Tuesday's Exchangeling press conference, the Cannes moderator reportedly rebuffed the inquiry. But! We digress! Lee also squeezed in a Coen brothers smackdown ("Look, I love the Coen brothers; we all studied at NYU. But they treat life like a joke. Ha ha ha. A joke. It's like, 'Look how they killed that guy! Look how blood squirts out the side of his head!' I see things different than that.") and announced a new documentary about Michael Jordan he's planning to unveil at next year's festival.

Elsewhere, we finally found someone who doesn't like Eastwood's latest, and the Croisette cascades with hype as Steven Soderbergh's two-part, four-and-a-half-hour Che prepares to unspool in its entirety. "From a press and industry perspective, people are definitely talking about the film," writes Karina Longworth, "but everyone seems less interested in what's going to be on screen tonight than in how it'll eventually be seen." All together? Kill Bill-style? Straight-to-video serialization? Buy one, get one free?

Also among the debris:

—Hide the kids! Oscar-fetish grunt and Blurb Whore Hall of Famer Pete Hammond has been hyperventilating over Vicky Cristina Barcelona and co-star Penelope Cruz in particular, and it's all unflinchingly caught on video.

—Sadistic Variety blogger Mike Jones also videotapes a succession of fest attendees mispronouncing the title of Charlie Kaufman's Synecdoche, New York. (Don't be fooled — that's a hard "K" at the end of "York.")

—The brilliant if frustrating Argentinian director Lucretia Martel showed off her new film La Mujer sin Cabeza (The Woman Without a Head) on Tuesday; she was rewarded promptly with mystified reviews and the helm of a big-budget film about "alien invaders and their army of giant insects." Like Indiana Jones 4, kind of, but with even less story.

[Photo Credit: Getty Images]

• WATCH VIDEO

''Because it was Penélope and Scarlett and Javier, it got out that there was torrid sex in the picture,'' Allen says. Sorry, that's not the case. There's sex, yes, but it's a discreetly photographed ménage à trois. ''People who come and expect those exaggerations are going to be disappointed.''

Knowing Woody's modesty and unabating horniness, we assume the truth likely reflects an in-between kind of smut featuring Johansson and Cruz in a passionate liplock while Bardem taps each on the shoulder, nervously inviting himself to join in with a succession of one-liners scored to Gershwin. The scene ends with the Spanish hunk sitting up and looking for his eyeglasses, griping about the size of his new apartment while the starlets writhe into the night beside him. We'll take it!

[Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin]

• Summer Movie Preview [EW via Vulture]

boomp3.com

While the rest of us may be dealing with the last gasp of winter or stressed over the impending recession and escalating gas prices or wondering why that person we met last weekend never called, Academy Award winner Javier Bardem and Academy Award nominee Penelope Cruz have a best solution to all of our problems, fears and concerns. Just go to the south of France, hang out, and just read a good book. Your cares and concerns will just melt away as you work on your tan. When you look good, you'll feel good, you know?

[Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin]

Elton John 16th Annual AIDS Foundation Oscar Party:

Elton John coddled Best Actress winner Marion Cotillard, while model Petra Nemcova and Sean Penn canoodled all night as the newest couple in Hollywood making their big debut on Oscar night.

Harrison Ford (victim of perhaps Jon Stewart's worst joke of the evening) arrived with the (finally) well-dressed Calista Flockhart; Courtney Love managed to clean up her act; Seal turned the cameras on the cameramen.

Kate Beckinsale proved having kids does not a schlumpy mom make; Portia de Rossi and Ellen DeGeneres continued their Lesbians Are Cool, Just Deal With It Tour; Jeremy Piven took a break from his yoga pursuits to swing by The Rocket Man's shindig.

Other guests included:
Simon Cowell, Sharon Stone, Diddy, Minnie Driver, Heidi Klum, JC Chasez, Chace Crawford, Len Wiseman, Al Roker, Billy Joel, Chris Noth, Chris O'Donnell, Christian Slater, Faye Dunaway, Tara Reid and Zoe Saldana.

[Photo Credit: Getty Images and Wire Image]

10. Cate Blanchett, who pretty much picked the most stunning maternity dress we've seen since Kate (excuse us! Katie!) decked herself out in Versace and Dolce while carrying the mysteriously conceived Suri.
9. Heidi Klum in Galliano, who managed to make popped collars look glamorous.
8. Katherine Heigl,whose one-strap gown was the most perfect red for a blonde with aggro issues.

7. Amy Adams in Proenza Schouler, whose bustier top made us forget that innocent twang she's perfected in interviews altogether.
6. Calista Flockhart, whose billowy gray and white gown officially erased those OMG SHE'S SO EFFING SKINNY pics of yore from our memory.
5. Cameron Diaz in Dior, who we'll now forgive for that controversial Valentino extravaganza she waltzed through last Oscars in to unsuccessfully make Justin Timberlake regret his dumpage.

4. Jessica Alba, who never really looks bad, but finally figured out a way to tell Hollywood to take her seriously.
3. Kelly Preston in Roberto Cavalli, who we think may have finally turned Johnny T. straight by looking 20 years younger tonight.
2. Keri Russell in Nina Ricci, whose baby weight has disappeared faster than it took to deliver the damn thing.

1. Penelope Cruz:Because of its sheer and utter flawlessness.

· Seeing a golden opportunity to clear their development docket of pilot stinkers, CBS has killed 20 projects, trotting them out single file to an abandoned studio on the Television City lot, where they were doused in gasoline and burned alive, with only their scorched brads left behind as proof that they ever existed at all. [THR]
· Penelope Cruz's voice talents have been secured by superproducer Jerry Bruckheimer to play Juarez, a literal guinea pig, in live-action/CG film G-Force. You read correctly: No face, no boobs, just her voice. [THR]

The girls play translators overdubbing a lesbian porn. It gets them so hot they wind up making out, lesbo style. They are real-life sisters. (So gay! Unlike this.) Kind of puts this previous lesbianas-themed tab cover to shame, verdad?

• Cruz sisters in lesbian clinch [The Sun]

• Penelope and Javier's Romantic Holiday! [Popsugar]

In today's episode: Hilary Swank, Kate Bosworth, and Courtney Love; Nat Faxon; Penelope Cruz and Shakira; Halle Berry; Julia Louis Dreyfus; John C. Reilly; Cuba Gooding Jr; Dave Chappelle; Lionel Ritchie; Henry Rollins; Judd Apatow and Emmanuelle Chriqui; Ryan Seacrest; Paula Abdul; Larry Birkhead; Jason Bateman and Martin Short; Milla Jovovich; Jeremy Sisto and T.R. Knight; Kevin Connolly; Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu; Michael Cera; Adam Levine; John Cho; Rick Schroeder; Pat O'Brien, Dido, and Todd Louiso; Dita Von Teese and Andrew Keegan; and Jake "Body By Jake" Steinfeld.

· A triple header night at Pizzeria Mozza! Sunday night, as we walked up we noticed the paparazzi hiding in the bushes. My first comment to my boyfriend was "Great - I'll have something to email defamer about!"...First celebrity of the evening was Courtney Love, looking pulled together, cleaned up, sober. Really, she looked like just another LA blonde. She was heading to the back room, where apparently Gwyneth Paltrow was throwing a private party. Nope, didn't see Gwyneth. My boyfriend noticed Hilary Swank sitting against the wall at a regular table. She looks smaller in person...very pretty, but I would have been happier seeing her look like her Brandon Teena character. (YUM!). As we were leaving, Kate Bosworth came out of the private party room. Hat trick!

· This morning (June 10), at "Tiny World" (westside baby furniture/gear store) saw Hilary Swank hanging out with a guy checking out furniture. Hmm....

· At the Rose Bowl Flea Market this Sunday, I had the pleasure of
standing behind 'Superman Returns' star Kate Bosworth on line for the venue's obscenely usurious ATMs, whose huge, floppy hat was probably great for keeping the sun off her fair head, but not quite big enough to hide her from identification by fans. Skinny, but not "Kate Bosworth Eating Disorder Shocker" skinny. She was with a guy I didn't recognize, but whose undeniable handsomeness means he's almost definitely an actor/bartender or model/waiter.

Also saw Nat Faxon, who currently stars in virtually every commercial currently on television and who recently sold a screenplay or something. I swear on the life of my nonexistent children that I am not a publicist trying to drum up buzz for his career by saying I saw him at the world's most impressive crap-meet.

· 6/10- Saw Penelope Cruz at the John Mayer show at the Hollywood Bowl. She skipped Ben Folds set and was escorted to her seat right before John came on stage. She was totally in to the show and gushing over Mayer. Found out later that she was with Shakira.

· 6/9 - Saw Halle Berry at the John Mayer concert at the Hollywood. She was sitting in one of the lower level boxes. Was with a couple of other women - no guys with her. Very nice skin.

· 6/10 - around 4:00pm, saw Julia Louis Dreyfus at the new Westwood Landmark Theater. She was coming out of theater 10 (we were coming out from theater 9) and on her way to the bathroom. No makeup, very casual shirt and shorts. You couldn't miss her. She looked like she was with some family and friends.

· Saw a very thin looking John C. Reilly at Safari Sam's on Sunday getting his hillbilly on at the Porter Wagoner show. Go ahead, google Porter Wagoner. You know you want to.

· So I know Cuba Gooding Jr. is a hero and all, what with the incident at Roscoe's over Memorial Day. That being said, I saw Rod Tidwell at the Famous Pinks Hot Dog Stand this past Monday as I was giving my visiting parents a tour of the city. My Girlfriend actually spotted him in line behind us and asked me for a verification and once I recognized the man that gave us such great works as Snow Dogs and Boat Trip, I slyly told my parents who they were about to see. Now being fro out of town, I didn't want them to be the tourists that asked him for his picture or made everyone else aware of his presence in line, as he had been incognito up until then (playing with his crackberry mostly). I told then, they saw and played it cool as well, not making a sound about it. Then of course no more than two minutes later some people further back in the line saw him and starting pestering him for pictures and whatnot. He was very nice to everyone, despite the fact that his son had just joined him in line. In any event, my parents were excited to see a real celebrity, and while I was proud of them for not saying anything to him, I greatly wish I could go back and yell "show me the money" just to see if he'd look in our direction.

· First, there was Lionel Ritchie on my Heathrow to LAX flight on Monday. Looking dapper and bejeweled, he held court by the baggage carousel while a flunkie directed two British Airways baggage handlers which of the bags belonged to Mr. Richie. There were 17 in total. Then after waiting a good 10 minutes for a car to pick him up at the curb (during which time he graciously posed for cellphone camera photos and shook hands) he hopped in the passenger seat and was off.

· Then, yesterday while driving down 3rd street waiting to turn onto Robertson, Dave Chappelle pulled up alongside me in his silver Lexus convertible. He was driving very slowly, stopped when the light was still green, and generally looked disoriented.

· After that, while leaving the Trader Joe's WeHo, I saw a man who looked like an old, frail version of Henry Rollins. And then a woman walked by him and said "I love your shows" and he said "thanks" so I guess it was either really him or just an old man with his own performing career.

· The Grove. Emmanuelle Chriqui was standing outside the theater/restrooms following the 10:15 showing of "Knocked Up". Bad security there, btw. They made everyone wait outside with no supervision , and there were "cutters". And not the Amy Winehouse kind. We responded by cutting the cutters and it get all West Side Story. Anyhoo, she was with a group of people, some of whom looked like they were family. "Knocked Up" with your family? Okaaay. And I'm usually the first to say celebrity girls look even better in person, but she was not nearly as hot as she was on Entourage the following night. My friend assured me that she probably wasn't wearing make-up, but I just call 'em like I see 'em. Sorry, I forgot to say when this happened—it was last Friday night (June 1). And my friend talked to Judd Apatow before the film started; he was milling about in the hallway. There—I gave you a bonus, so don't bust my balls. :D

· Sunday, June 10: At trendy hard-to-get-reservations-at Pizzeria Mozza (Highland & Melrose), unshaven, t-shirted and jeans, Ryan Seacrest was sharing a lunchtime pizza with your typical skinny, blonde Hollywood-type young woman. Despite the close-together tables, (he was sandwiched between two other tables at elbows' distance), no one bothered him and he graciously thanked the people next to him with a fond goodbye.

· 6/10 - Bristol Farms, Bev Hills - I'm waiting for my soppresata panini like a commoner when I spot Paula Abdul standing right next to me. She was very well dressed and my first reaction to her was "just another rich Beverly Hills lady in a push up bra and fancy jewelry." I told her "the girls at the office are going to hate me for seeing you because THEY love you" (a slight hint that I do not watch American Idol). She gave me a sideways hug for this comment. I didn't know what to say next so I called her a "wonderful lady". God I need to work on my Jedi lying skills. I believe she was getting a turkey pesto sandwich - what this says about her is beyond me. Someone else can read into it. Also, I know what you want to know, NO she did not seem drunk. She seemed very lucid and very busy.

· I saw Larry Birkhead at Ralph's on Ventura in Studio City today (June 9). Cart was completely full; he was buying tons of cookies and doughnuts! Looks exactly like he does on tv.. best celeb sighting!

· June 9: Saw Jason Bateman and Martin Short at Cedars-Sinai. Jason is just as cute as on tv but Martin looks very decrepit.

· Saw Milla Jovovich at Nordstroms at the Grove. She was with a man-handler/agent type, really pretty.

· Sunday (6/8) at the Rose Bowl, amongst the unwashed hordes: Jeremy Sisto, mit entourage, and T.R. Knight, looking good, with a girl. Not shopping together, although both were probably thinking they could outsmart the canny old dude selling vintage Star Wars figurines.

· Last night around 7:30pm I was at the Bristol Farms on Doheny trying to figure out what wine to buy. As I come out of an aisle I am nearly run over buy Kevin (the suit) Connolly and his shopping cart, as he races (no exaggeration) the man was running around trying to get his groceries as quickly as possible. Despite my near death experience, it was a good sighting. He's pretty cute in person.

· Not even the most in-demand Mexican director can resist the powers of the Pinkberry. I saw Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu at the Pinkberry on Beverly on Saturday (6/9).

· Cute-as-a-button Michael Cera ("Arrested Development," the upcoming Superbad) was at Palermo's on Vermont yesterday (Sunday June 10th) afternoon. He is very young. And the gnocchi is totally decent there.

Monday, 6/11, 4:45 pm

· Waiting for the bus (I'm poor and new to LA) on Sunset and Vine when I see none other than Adam Levine of Maroon 5 speed by in a sleek-looking Mercedes SUV. Lots of gel in his hair. I'll have to call my girlfriend when I get to Crenshaw.

· Not much of a sighting, but today (6-11) sat next to Harold from "Harold and Kumar" fame (John Cho) while he lunched at Alcove with an Asian girl about his age, and perhaps her mother. Notable only because he discussed how freaked out he was by the fact that when he met with Larry David, the comedian looked exactly like he does on "Curb"—wore the same sort of clothes and spoke the same way. Later in the lunch, his friend asked him if Sacha Baron Cohen was really as brilliant as everyone says—Harold had apparently gone to a "Borat" party—and Harold said yes. Shocking revelations from the younger generation.

· My Saturday night was born with a Silver Spoon in its mouth (June 9). Around 9:30, I walked in on a bizarre "Phantom of the Opera" inspired masquerade costume ball going down on the first floor of wannabe posh lounge Empress on Sunset. Sitting quietly amongst the white wigs, purple masks, and glittering wardrobe was a (Rick Schroeder). Black shirt and normal pants, he was the only civilian dressed soul in a corner table of 8 friends from the 1800s. At 11:30, saw (Alfonso Ribeiro standing in a circle with 4-5 "dudes" drinking bottled beers in the back room (its not a VIP) at LAX. No, I cant get you in anywhere when you come to visit LA.

· I attended Largo both Friday and Saturday nights to see Jon Brion. Friday night won for Most Random Sighting - Pat O'Brien. Homeboy is tall, but so tanned and generally weather-beaten that I couldn't tell whether he still had a moustache from where I stood. Turns out he does. One of my friends scored a table right next to his. She said he looked uninterested through most of the show. I guess Botox will do that.

Saturday night we spotted Dido hanging around as well as Todd Louiso, who played Dick - the nerdy, mild mannered record store clerk in High Fidelity. He was accompanied by an attractive brunette in a classy black dress.

· Andrew Keegan at (6/8) Friday's Hollywood Bowl Morrisey concert. (hey, I like 10 Things I Hate About You!) He still looks all right. He was carrying a picnic bag.

Dita Von Teese on (6/9) Saturday at the Bossa Nova on Sunset having lunch with two older female companions, I'm guessing they were family members. She looked stunning in a burgundy red dress with white polka dots on it.

· Body by Jake (Jake Steinfeld) on a very delayed flight from JFK to LAX Sunday night.

Matthew McConaughey:
Salary: $8 million
Perks: $833,923
Entourage travel: $179,262
Makeup artist: $150,223
Stunt double: $124,740
Colorist: $72,800
Trainer: $67,977
Personal chef: $48,893

Penelope Cruz:
Salary: $1.6 million
Perks: $835,561
Entourage travel: $227,515
Hairstylist: $135,550
Makeup artist: $135,550
Dialogue coaches: $125,804

Steve Zahn:
Salary: $2.2 million
Perks: $264,153

Miscellaneous fun:
Story and rights:$14.1 million
- Clive Cussler: $10 million
- Writers: $3.8 million

Composer Clint Mansell: $800,000
Director Breck Eisner: $750,000

• $78 million of red ink? [LAT]
• Previously: Casting An Inevitable Bomb: How 'Sahara' Wound Up As A Matthew McConaughey Vehicle [Defamer]

So we were doing the total fan thing. We live in the desert and didn't realize that Hollywood had better security on Oscar night than any President had ever seen...but still we drove on. In the drive through at In-N-Out on Sunset, about 30 minutes after the show, we were behind on huge SUV and another security filled SUV.

One guard hopped out and stood watch over the lead vehicle. The window of the large one opened in the back revealing one Penelope Cruz. My wife and I both took note that the Governor's Ball had barely started, was she perhaps a bit miffed?

For the naysayers out there....it was confirmed by the drive through dude. We did not lead him on the question. He said, "That was Penelope Cruz..she was a total hottie!" In our constant cry for underfed actresses to have one, we were pleased she actually ATE a cheeseburger.

If celebrities are going to insist on destroying our image of them as ethereal beings with no need for greasy sustenance (even the delicious, In-N-Out kind), we'd prefer they go about it the way that Helen Mirren did at the Vanity Fair Oscar party: by lustily engaging in some deep-throating burgerporn before the eager lenses of wire service photographers. We might as well get some cheap jollies out of having our cherished beliefs crushed.

• Awards Season Isn't Over Yet: RTS Awards, Oscar Parties [Anglophenia]

• Breast Supported Actress (NSFW) [The Sun UK]
• Previously: Oscar TrendWatch: Hot Old Dames [Defamer]

In today's star-studded holiday spectacular: Kiefer Sutherland; Penelope Cruz; Halle Berry; Tobey Maguire; Jennifer Garner; Lauren Sanchez; Kate Hudson; Jorja Fox; Lance Bass; Milo Ventimiglia; Axl Rose; Paul Stanley; Taylor Hawkins; Gael Garc a Bernal; Britney Spears; Alec Baldwin and Mekhi Phifer; Winona Ryder; Jennifer Esposito and Bradley Cooper; Keanu Reeves; Kevin Costner; Lindsay Lohan and DJ AM; Amy Adams; Mena Suvari; Andy Dick; Hank Azaria; Cheryl Hines, Chloe Sevigny; Jeff Probst; Sean Hayes; Andy Milonakis; Richard Lewis; Ian Ziering; Pauly Shore and Lark Voorhies.

· busy two days in la....

12.16 saturday morning-breakfast at BLD (fantastic cheese and saucison assortment) in walks kiefer sutherland. could he be anymore divine??? tall, light, and handsome.

12.16 saturday afternoon- late lunch and a smart cocktail at the chateau, sitting next to penelope cruz looking very normal, with agent types pitching her a story. she had sort of a blank "dear-in-the-headlights" stare on her face the whole
time.

12.17 sunday afternoon- paper source beverly hills, shopping with an unbelievably gorgeous halle berry. beautiful, sweet, and very quiet.

· I saw Tobey Maguire at LACMA Sunday with famous LA sculptor(sculptress) Ver. They were in the Magritte exhibit arguing over a Ruscha painting. He was in a knit cap w/ a skull and black sweater, she had all black.

· Purchasing some last minute gifts in the Brentwood Country Market, I saw Jen Garner with her daughter. She is a very pretty lady and the baby is adorable. Wish I could say the same for her companion who looked like her face was made of marzipan. Upon closer inspection, saw it was former hoochie newscaster from the defunct UPN news, Lauren Sanchez. Girlfriend is lucky it was a cold day because that face doesn't look like it can withstand temperatures in excess of 75 degrees nor should it be visible during the holidays. Little children like to be scared at Halloween only, lady.

· Dec. 14th.
Spotted Kate Hudson at Planet Blue in Santa Monica. She spent time shopping, chatted with a friend, then dashed out the door to her car where photogs snapped into action and surrounded the car. The driver sped away and she went off into her life of privilege nepotism. I'm sure she's lovely, but she walks like the world is at her feet. Of course, with her pedigree, that's not so unusual, but really, would she be where she is without her connections? Si possible, but a toss up.

Dec. 14th.
Jorja Fox (Sara Sidle from CSI) at JCrew Fashion Square
Lance Bass at JCrew Fashion Square
Milo Ventimiglia (Jess from Gilmore Girls and now from Heroes) at JCrew Fashion Square

· put me down for a rock star triple header.

friday, 12/15, lunchtime. paul stanley of kiss enjoying a little nosh at the beverly glen deli, complete with a baseball cap, flavored dasani and tall, good looking blonde.

sunday, 12/17, dusk. taylor hawkins of the foo fighters at the register of the cvs on the woodland hills/calabasas border with a lady friend.

monday, 12/18, 5pm. axl rose, grocery shopping (!) with a striking looking and european-accented brunette at the gelson's in calabasas. there was no mistaking him with the yarn on his head, oversized platinum cross and leather jacket featuring the words 'fuck you' printed upside down under a tiger. he was walking around, following his girlfriend's cart and snacking out of a can of pringles. considering this guy was a rock god and total recluse for the better part of the last 15 years, to see him quietly out and about amongt the west valley's finest house fraus, taking a great interest in the local suburban haagen dazs selection was kind of mindblowing.

· Saw Gael Garc a Bernal hanging out with a bunch of other industry types on the patio of the restaurant Chaya after a screening of "Pan's Labyrinth" tonight. The guy is surprisingly slight of frame and short (5'6" I'd guess), but just as unfairly handsome in real life as he is on screen. He was nursing a bottle of Pilsner Urquell while wearing a leather jacket over a vintage tee (alas, not one featuring Che Guevara) and those Weezer horn-rim glasses that are so popular. It turned out that the tall guy with the windswept salt-and-pepper hair wearing a blazer he was talking to was fellow charolastra, "Y Tu Mam Tambi n" director Alfonso Cuar n.

· I saw Britney Spears at the Lakers-Wizards game last night sitting courtside at center court with a member of the striped shirt mafia and some random blond girl. Unfortunately the 3x optical zoom on my camera limited my ability to determine, with any great degree of certainty, whether she is truly back on Team Panty. They left midway through the 3rd quarter and were thus spared the pain of watching Gilbert Arenas drop 60 on the Lakers.

· Double bubble at the 24-Hr Fitness Sherman Oaks. First up, ER's Dr Pratt aka Mekhi Phifer hitting the weights in sleeveless sweats. Surprisingly beefy, but warm smiles and hugs for a couple of hot chicks who knew him. Then - oh bliss — enter the sweat-drenched presence of 30 Rock's Alec Baldwin. He is, ahem, a person of size these days, but that is, as we know, the price for a character actor renaissance.

Okay, the details — blue Adidas top, kept zipped up, so no chest hair explosion; piercing blue eyes; very ursine (bearlike) hands. Total old school - no personal trainer, towel on the floor, drinks from the communal fountain. He's such a man's man, it's genius. In between reps, he actually stood there like General Patton, hands on hips, surveying the terrain.

· Saw ms Winona Ryder today at Barnes and Noble at the Grove. She was in the magazine section with her good friend looking at all the displayed Mags. She was looking sweet and very tiny.

· What's up with The Grove? On my way to the 4:30 showing of The Good German today (12/15) I saw Jennifer Esposito and fiance Bradley Cooper walking arm in arm looking very happy. She looked gorgeous. Then at Barnes and Noble a few minutes before the show, Ralph Garman from KROQ's morning show was perusing the cheap books, and later picked up a copy of the Forsythe Saga mini-series on DVD. So I guess he's so blase about his pornstar wife, he has to turn to ye olde BBC miniseries for excitement. Then as the credits rolled and I scooted down the row to leave...I realized I'd been sitting next to Ralph's nemesis, a shaggy-bearded Keanu Reeves (and date).

· Hit the outdoor deck at Moonshadows in Malibu (yes, the watering hole of choice for Jew-baiting celebrities) to enjoy some cocktails and overpriced calamari with friends late yesterday afternoon and sat down adjacent to Kevin Costner and Friends. He was holding court with 3 other producer-looking types. It looked more like business than pleasure. Costner was unshaven and looked rather ruddy complected—-or maybe that's just the celebrity Malibu glow??

· Christmas: a time when celebrities will come to the Grove even on Saturdays. Amy Adams, standing outside J. Crew, apparently waiting for someone despite brisk wind and cold. Her eyes were a little baggy (holiday stresses perhaps) but otherwise button-cute. Sadly, I was too self-absorbed to notice what she was wearing.

· After seeing the incredible Peaches perform for the fifth time, my friends and I went to Whitey's (the opening band) after party but alas Peaches did not show up. Whitey was there, and so were DJ Aoki and DJ AM. Someone who resembled Lindsay BLOWhan stopped by briefly wearing a helluva trench coat-dress thingy. She tried to fade into the background unnoticed.

· 12/18- I was having dinner at the Corral Tree Cafe in Brentwood when I realized Mena Suvari was sitting next to me. She was having tea with a friend. She had on a beret, huge boots and her fingernails were painted black and white. She looked normal (for Corral Tree Cafe, that is) and it took me a couple times to realize it was her. Pretty girl.

· 12/16: Andy Dick at Westwood Brew Co. Saturday at 1pm. He was there drinking beer at the entrance with a couple. We had just finished a final and he was greeting us in a tipsy mocking sort of way. Loud and obnoxious, he sidled over to our table to gain more attention with beer in hand and made up being there for a premiere. Those he didn't annoy/disgust asked for a picture. A friend noted that Andy Dick is like the Pauley Shore of our generation. Very apt.

· Rushing to the mall (Westside Pavillion to be exact) on a Friday night to buy, not Christmas Gifts, but clothes for a getaway to Norco, CA (nevermind that part) and who do my 'lil sis and I see as we descend the escalator but Hank Azaria wandering aimlessly around the third level. He had a huge green shopping bag in hand and kept looking over the railing & turning around in circles. I think he was lost. I mean, why the hell else would anyone of his celeb stature shop at Westside Pavillion? Oh...wait...

· 12-15 Two interesting sightings:

Cheryl Hines, with a cart full o' holiday gifts at the West Hollywood Target, steering with one hand and clutching cellphone to ear with the other. She looks like a more attractive Gelfling.

Later I spotted Chloe Sevigny wandering through the aisles at Bed Bath & Beyond at the Sunset and Vine complex. I almost didn't recognize her without Vincent Gallo's — eh, that's too easy.

· saturday dec 16- jeff probst practically sprinting into, where else? The grove farmers market. he had on a denim shirt, no seriously. does he buy in bulk from ll bean? smiled at me as he whizzed by.

sunday dec 17 - pinkberry on larchmont. sean hayes eating fro-yo with male companion. not karen.

· Yesterday, 12/15, I got a two-fer! On my way to a company holiday lunch, I was driving up Fairfax near Canter's, when I saw Andy Milonakis on the corner, waiting to cross. He had an unlit cigarette in one hand, looking like your average thirty-something-guy-with-an-incredibly-young-fat-kid-face.

Then, as I was running into the Mondrian to get to Asia de Cuba for the lunch (I was incredibly late and had an "Ugly Betty" like experience with parking - valets make me nervous!), I spot comedian Richard Lewis sitting alone at a table, joking and saying goodbye to a departing couple. Apparently he was waiting for his lunch companions, as later on he moved to the patio near where we were sitting.

· Wednesday night, 12/13, I was walking down Sunset Blvd and I saw Steve Sanders (Ian Ziering) at that small cigar lounge near the House of Blues. He was standing in the doorway smoking a cigar, talking with the guys inside. Seemed like they were all having a good time.

· I was at Jinky's on Sunset late on Saturday morning. Pauly Shore was there and he had his feet up on the table where he and his buddies were eating. No one complained and no one who worked at the restaurant told him to quit it. Fucking disgusting asshole.

· Here's one off the D-list: Saw Lisa Turtle (Lark Voorhies) getting her nails did in Eagle Rock on Saturday. She's very pretty but was wearing a hell of a lot of make-up for the middle of the day and pearls the size of gumballs. She seemed especially overdone in comparison to her mother (I recognized her from the True Hollywood Story on child stars) who was wearing sweatpants, a giant poncho and heels.

Cruz, who dated Cruise from 2001 to 2004, declined to offer details of the meeting, but praised Suri as a special baby.

"She's really beautiful. She's one of the most beautiful babies I've ever seen," the 32-year-old actress said. She was in London Thursday night to attend the British premiere of her new film, "Volver."

As a onetime Cruise consort, we can hardly consider the actress a reliable source in this matter; whatever settlement her agent reached with Scientology's Celebrity Retention Tribunal to have her released from her billion-year personal services agreement undoubtedly included a provision that she could one day be called upon to validate a controversial procreation. Besides, she probably gets a secret thrill out of looking at photos of Katie Holmes smiling blankly through her imprisonment, then congratulating herself on getting out of that relationship before Cruise had a chance to get serious with the fake baby talk.

• Penelope Cruz says she's met Suri Cruise [AP]
• SuriWatch: The Miracle Baby At 20 [Defamer]

The couple "have decided to take time off as a couple. Due to busy work schedules and so much time apart, they mutually decided four weeks ago that separating was the best thing to do at this time," according to a joint statement from the couple to PEOPLE.

Theirs was a coupling meant to be, born on Moroccan sand dunes filming the uncherished romantic adventure, Sahara. She saw in him a potential future "Sexiest Man Alive," with a softness behind his eyes that reminded her of a past fake lover; he saw in her an impenetrable accent and a convenient red carpet alibi. In the end, however, it was the sad realization that neither was doing anything more to promote the other's career that would ultimately set them drifting apart, and onto their next chapter of mutually beneficial love in the arms of a celebrity of equal or greater value.

• Matthew McConaughey & Penelope Cruz Are 'Separating' [People]