In today's installment: Francis Ford Coppola and Pauly Shore (duh!), Tom Hanks, Bob Newhart, Warren Beatty, Woody Allen, Katherine Heigl, The Jonas Brothers, Forrest Whitaker, David Spade, Michael Cera, Johnny Knoxville, Rita Wilson, Jason Schwartzman, Rose McGowan, Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz, Bobby Trendy, Joshua Kelley, Kevin Farley, Tila Tequila, Robin Antin, Charlyne Yi and more.

MONDAY, JULY 28
· Very few people impress and awe me as I have lived here most of my life and work at a place where I see amazing people every day. However, Monday while I was trekking up Westwood Blvd to hit Un-whole Foods for lunch when my jaw dropped. Coming out of Rite Aid was none other than BOB NEWHART. It was such a total shock. He is a national treasure. He should be escorted around in a popemobile or something that fits his stature, not hobnobbing with mere mortals. Then, the next days, I was having an apres earthquake lunch with a friend at The Stand and, what do you think, she tells me that she just saw Bob at the CVS south of Wilshire! He seems to be making the rounds. Gotta love him!

TUESDAY, JULY 29
· FORREST WHITAKER indulging some fans outside ONE Sunset. Not as big as I thought he'd be.

WEDNESDAY, JULY 30
· I spotted JASON SCHWARTZMAN in the Staples on Sunset. He wasn’t holding any office supplies, but he did look like a man on a mission. Very handsome, although much smaller than I would have expected.

FRIDAY, AUGUST 1
· I was celebrating another lamb to slaughter (aka bachelorette) party on Friday night at the busted "club" Tao in Vegas that's in the Venetian/shopping mall. Our table and both area ended up being a thoroughfare for ho's who wanted to hop on a near-by platform type area that faced the DJ booth blaring out a medley of top 40 thru the years. FRANCIS FORD COPPOLA was sitting on the other side of our booth —just sitting— fat, old and alone and no one seemed to pay him much mind. I was still contemplating the surreal aspect of his presence and wondering why the fuck he would be wasting his time in such a lame place when I almost got knocked over by PAULY SHORE. I assumed he was in a crazed rush to get to FFC, imagining this as his moment to get on cinematic top due to a magical chance meeting with a great director at a club in a mall. I positioned myself to get a full view of their sure to be awkward exchange. It took PS about 10 minutes to get up the nerve to bumrush FFC and it was over quick. It soon became clear that the real story of the night was PS's apparent need to commute to Vegas for club pussy. He sat on the platform for hours grabbing and pawing at any tallish, blonde-ish Forever 21 dress model that danced within his grasp. I saw only one of them give him the hands-off, the rest all reacted quite favorably. It was truly incredible. I can only assume that Paulyy takes the LV tourism ads to heart. Perhaps rejected and dejected outside an LA club one night- a light went on..." Not only will I probably be able to get into clubs there -If everything that happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas..then surely some drunk, vacationing skanks will hit it with me!"
· Seinfeld's LARRY "THE SOUP NAZI" THOMAS having breakfast at Aroma Cafe in Studio City.
· WARREN BEATTY with two young girls (daughters?) and a blond
woman at Humprey Yogart in Sherman Oaks.

SATURDAY, AUGUST 2
· Saw RITA WILSON and TOM HANKS at the Century City Mall with, I think, their youngest son, walking by the Apple store. I recognized Rita first and wouldn't have known it was Tom until I heard him laugh. They looked like a nice, happy family. One of the more normal spottings I've had in this damn city.

SUNDAY, AUGUST 3
· As I was sauntering down the alley behind Fiesta Cantina on my way to one of the WeHo bars that looks like a W hotel, I came upon BOBBY TRENDY with two (real) girls giving advice to some 'roided out queen in a Mercedes convertible. They were assuring said queen that his outfit looked good. Note to 'roided out queen: do not take sartorial advice from fucking Bobby Trendy. He basically agreed you looked good in bleached, capris lengthed overalls (!) with a thin black belt and white espadrilles.
· I spotted the Skanksis of Evil: Piggez Hilton, ROBIN ANTIN of Pussycat Dolls 'fame' and gay rights pioneer, TILA TEQUILA at 11. Piggez was basking in the lamelight of the other two and wouldn't be surprised if he called the paps himself. Not all the cheap beer prices in the 'Ho could destroy those images. And don't you think i didn't try.
· Had multiple celeb sightings at the Dolly Parton concert at the Greek theatre Sunday night. First, saw KATHERINE HEIGL with hubby JOSHUA (who is surprisingly hot in person). JUSTIN CHAMBERS was with them as well. Katherine was wearing glasses, sun dress, looked nice. Waited in line for the bathroom like a normal person. Right after I saw them, a strikingly pale and plasticky looking chick walked by in a yellow dress...turns out it was ROSE MCGOWAN. She was with some dude who wasn't Robert Rodriguez...guess they really broke up, or he's not a Dolly fan. Finally, walking out I nearly bumped into JOHNNY KNOXVILLE, tall and haggard looking, which I guess is the result of beating the crap out of yourself for a living.
· Went to the amazing Dolly Parton show on August 3rd. Spotted a grey-haired JOHNNY KNOXVILLE (with daughter in tow?) and MR. AND MRS. KATHERINE HEIGL Hate to break it to you, but when a fan or two approached her, she seemed smiley and rather gracious. Or maybe I had too much wine.

MONDAY, AUGUST 4
· MICHAEL CERA and CHARLYNE YI having a late lunch at Mustardseed, just now. They were with two other guys I couldn't identify by the backs of their heads. I recognized Charlyne Yi first and then noticed the beloved George Michael whose hair was cropped super short, rendering him naturally incognito.

TUESDAY, AUGUST 5
· Saw those cute Menudo boys [Ed. Note - I'm assuming she means THE JONAS BROTHERS, because surely the members of Menudo can no longer be considered "cute", right?] being rushed to their Delta flight yesterday morn. Security had to grab them as so many little teen girls were hounding them. Gotta luv those boy bands!
· ASHLEE SIMPSON and PETE WENTZ at the Hush Sound show at El Rey Theatre. They chilled in the band's private booth upstairs with all Pete's friends.
· I spotted WOODY ALLEN outside the Los Angeles Shakespeare Theater offices downtown talking to comedian BRENTLY HEILBRON. Is it for this?

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 6
· DAVID SPADE (in mesh baseball cap & jacket... in August?) with KEVIN FARLEY at the Steve Miller show Wednesday at the Nokia. Not in the "pit", but close and either playing air guitar or making fun of the folks around them ... which was weird because they were there and clearly fans. (I got free tickets and figured what the hell, but I have to say Steve Miller is rock solid and clearly loved by his fans.)

Boys, boys, stop your fighting. There's an easy solution to this mess. Pauly Shore is obviously desperate for work. He would certainly drop the suit if Craven were to offer him a part in his next film. Then Craven could orchestrate the single most gruesome murder scene he's ever shot and everyone would come out on top. Problem solved.

There's just one lingering question that remains. Hasn't Wes Craven worked hard enough in his life that he doesn't have to live in the same neighborhood as Pauly Shore?

• Pauly Shore countersues Wes Craven [AP]

Yesterday, when we pointed out the video clip which seemed to depict Pauly Shore as the victim of semi-senseless heckler-on-comedian violence in an Odessa, TX comedy club, we neglected to raise the possibility that the incident was some kind of publicity stunt meant to capitalize on the red-hot "blurry videos of loud-mouthed stand-ups clashing with audience members" trend recently popularized by edgy performance artist Michael Richards, content to believe that the patron was provoked enough to punch Shore in the mouth. Today, an anonymous e-mailer (whose reliability we can't vouch for, so we'll just throw this out there in the interest of lively, high-minded debate) claims that the punch was staged and shot in multiple takes at the conclusion of the show, forcing us to confront the unpleasant idea that a performer of Shore's stature would stage such a thing for the fleeting attention it might bring. (Remembering, of course, that this is a wily trickster who put out a movie called Pauly Shore Is Dead while not actually being dead.) Does the punch actually connect? Was it thrown by cynical design, or in genuine, heartfelt anger? We don't have the answers, but urge you to watch the video a few dozen more times in an attempt to puzzle through these questions on your own.

UPDATE: TMZ.com says the Odessa cops have admitted it was staged. We feel so very, very dirty about ever believing it might be real.

Bonus! Shore talks about the joys of playing off the crowd on the eve of his Odessa appearance.

• Previously: Pauly Shore Vs. The Angry Heckler [Defamer]

We'd never recommend that a comedy club patron, no matter how offended he felt over a comic's reflexive response to his poor audience etiquette, take to the stage to settle a grievance; as we've all learned from the last few weeks in Michael Richards news, a club is a peaceful place where people come together to celebrate their differences through the art of stand-up without confrontations of any kind. But over the weekend in Odessa, TX, a man displeased with Biodome superstar Pauly Shore's attempts to quiet some hecklers so that he could continue on with his comedic insights into the human condition without further interruption shattered the peace with a right hook to Shore's face. In the above video of the incident, apparently captured by another patron at the club, it's hard to tell if the comedian got in a shot of his own, other than the "Fuck all you fuckin' white trash [unintelligible]" he offered as he followed the police officer subduing his attacker off-stage. Normally, we'd send you off with an exhortation to enjoy the clip, but given the circumstances, we'd rather you quietly lament the blow this regrettable incident has dealt to audience/comedian relations as you squint through repeated viewings, trying to discern the exact moment of impact in the murky footage.

UPDATE: The clip's already gone: "This video has been removed at the request of copyright owner The Gersh Agency because its content was used without permission." Agencies can get things off YouTube now? The internets are doomed if agents are running the show.

UPDATE 2: The video has reappeared here! With fun editing making sure you don't miss the punch.

Please upgrade The Tropicana from "circling the drain" to "flushed". The end came Saturday night around 12:40am when, while enjoying myself at a poolside party, I felt something in the air behind me that chilled me to the bone, and when I turned around to investigate, it all made sense. I was in the unmistakable presence of the Grim Reaper himself:

Pauly Shore.

He was trying to work the "self-depreciating" routine on a group of 20-something wannabe chicks who ridiculed him mercilessly the second he walked away.

I like to think that somewhere out there Amanda "Club Promoters are REALLY Important!" Demme is curled up the fetal position, sobbing uncontrollably...even though in reality she's probably lounging in a bathtub filled with honey and milk covered thousand dollar bills and eating souls.

We think this is all going according to the wily Demme's nefarious plan. As the evenings turn L.A.-chilly, she's probably spiriting all top-shelf F.O.A.s (Friends of Amanda) to the newly opened, absurdly exclusive Teddy's, protecting her best and most interesting pals from the harsh elements. A suddenly lax Tropicana entrance policy will draw in the Pauly Shores and the Tara Reids, who will instinctively huddle underneath heat lamps for warmth. Once enough cut-rate club-fodder is assembled by the pool, Demme will slash a finger across her throat, a signal to one of her minions to detonate the booby-trapped lamps and bring the Trop Era to a sudden, bloody end. Roosevelt drones will spend the off-season preparing the space for its next incarnation, but it will be an arduous process; they'll be finding charred bits of flesh tucked into scraps of server's tennis outfits or stripey blazers around the grounds for weeks, if not months. But come summertime, the New Tropicana will be ready for a second life.

• Previously: Amanda Scheer Demme Strikes Again [Defamer]
• Tales From The Trop: Growing Still Colder [Defamer]