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hollywood privacywatch

Hollywood Privacywatch: Even Jackie Warner Thinks Sky Sport Is Overpriced

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by the loyal readers of Defamer. As a few emailers have noted, it took us a few weeks to collect this installment — if you want to see this feature run more frequently, be sure to send in your tips early and often! Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line so we don't lose them) and tell everyone about the time you saw Work Out's Jackie Warner working out a gym other than the one she owns.

In today's installment: Kiefer Sutherland, Lauren Bacall, Ashlee Simpson, Christopher "McLovin Sucks Balls!" Mintz-Plasse, Paula Abdul, Bob Odenkirk, Hank Azaria, David Wain, Benjamin McKenzie, Jackie Warner, Paul Haggis, Jane Lynch, Shane West, Ken Davitian (twice!), Brad Garrett, Joe Rogan, Bitsie Tulloch, Jennifer Morrison, Christopher Titus and more.

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3:00 PM on Fri Jun 6 2008
By Mark Graham
9,136 views, 12 comments

Latest by Guadalahonky: @Mark Graham: Okay, Jonah Hill at lunch Wednesday at the new Doughboys on Highland. He looked exactly how one imagines he would look in person. Except not quite as portly. I really wish he'd stop wearing that stupid hat. more »

seeing double

Paula Abdul Succeeds In Lifelong Goal Of Traversing Space-Time Continuum

American Idol judge Paula Abdul—on whom we rely to pull browbeaten contestants into her addled embrace, showering them with slurred words of encouragement—made a gaffe for the ages on last night's all-Neil Diamond-cover show. In her defense, producers made a radical change to the show's familiar format, holding all the judging until after the final five had performed two songs. This introduced a complicated new element to the karoake-appraising procedure: taking notes. But no sooner had Paula accepted her fate, and begun to get the hang of scribbling things like "David C.: Shining star, authentic, love the pants," on an index card, sniveling Idol homeroom Poindexter Ryan Seacrest changed the rules once again, demanding to know where Randy, Paula, and Simon stood on the performances at the half-way mark. More »

10:05 AM on Wed Apr 30 2008
By Seth
6,652 views, 12 comments

Latest by n/a: @mrtrailsafety: hahaha I wonder what colour the sky is on Paula's whirled! more »

drool like there's no tomorrow

Rejoice! Zonked Paula Is Back!

It's now official: We are in the midst of another Golden Era of Idol. You can toss it all at us—the gay stripper-boogers, the teen Mormon prodigies, the butch nurse-rockers (with male fiancés—DVR replay does not lie!), the off-duty drag queens with moms that look like Divine—but without a completely incoherent, equilibrium-challenged Paula Abdul, it really amounts to a whole lot of nothing.

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1:09 PM on Thu Mar 6 2008
By Seth
8,762 views, 13 comments

urine thefts

CDC And FEMA On High-Alert After Paula Abdul's Urine Sample Goes Missing

Anyone who's experienced even a single episode of Hey Paula, the Bravo reality show that dared to pull back the beaded curtain and reveal the complex inner-life of soft-focus superstar Paula Abdul, knows that the American Idol judge's fans are like no other. Still, there are lines that dare not be crossed, and swiping Abdul's urine sample from a gynecologist's reception desk seems to us to tread dangerously close to that invasive precipice:

She recalls, "Well, this is gross, but I was once at the gynecologist and my doctor said, 'We asked you to do a urine sample, so where is it?'.
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9:28 AM on Fri Dec 14 2007
By Seth
1,303 views, 7 comments

creative differences

Tina Fey Recalls Paula Abdul's Trainwreck 'SNL' Appearance

It was on Howard Stern's show that Tina Fey described SNL guest host Paris Hilton as "a piece of shit" who was universally hated by the cast, and now in Playboy (sorry Feynatics—just an interview, not a Naughty Showrunner spread in which she delivers script notes wearing only glasses and an unbuttoned men's dress shirt with the collar up), she recalls the experience of working with Paula Abdul:

"I was pregnant [with daughter Alice] at the time and probably a little moody, but I remember thinking, 'She's a disaster! I gotta prop this lady up and get her on TV,'" Fey dished.
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10:46 AM on Tue Dec 4 2007
By Seth
12,620 views, 13 comments

short ends

Oprah's Male Viewers Learn About Their Bodies


· Earlier today, guest Oprah genitorturer Dr. Oz demonstrated the proper technique for ball-busting. There's a good chance you're not going to watch this one if you've eaten recently.
· Paula Abdul says she's ready for a baby, even if that means adopting. Unfortunately, the interview was conducted before Britney Spears' children hit the market, so no one got to ask if she'd be willing to provide a good home for a pair of Malibu refugees.
· Stallone intimates that the real-life atrocities he witnessed in Myanmar are even more disturbing than the ones you'll soon be able to see in John Rambo.
· Right about now you probably need some unicorns to make the icky feelings from the preceding links go away.

6:24 PM on Mon Oct 1 2007
By Mark
6,553 views, 10 comments

Latest by n/a: "Stop busting my balls, man." Cartman more »

i hate it when tv mommy and real mommy fight

Paula Abdul Denies Paula Abdul's Claim Of Being Fired From 'Bratz'

It took five soul-deadening episodes, but Bravo's Hey Paula finally offered something by way of quality entertainment on this week's show, when unstable protagonist Paula Abdul appeared to have been relieved of her producing duties on the Bratz movie, the most hotly anticipated release of the summer (among RealDoll fetishists). Despite an amazingly convincing meltdown, in which she openly questioned the existence of God and berated her staff for daring to speak as she tried "to tell a goddamned story," Abdul now claims that the entire sequence was concocted by dastardly reality show editors. Paula wasn't fired—she fired them!

"She was not only taping "American Idol three days at week, she was also filming her Bravo reality series Hey Paula! five days a week as well. In addition, she was in the process of not only expanding her successful QVC jewelry line but also coming up with the first scent in her new perfume line "Sexy Thoughts."
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1:45 PM on Wed Jul 25 2007
By Seth
4,419 views, 20 comments

Latest by scroll_lock: @gwendolyn: Le Jardin more »

meltdowns

Hey Paula: You're Fired


By all measures, Hey Paula, the Bravo reality show offering viewers unfettered access to everyone's favorite inarticulate American Idol judge who isn't Randy Jackson, was as sure a thing as they come. Who wouldn't tune in to catch a rare glimpse of the real Paula Abdul—the enigmatic woman behind all the narcoleptic promotional appearances, the Chihuahua-related head traumas, and the secretly recorded P.R. conference call meltdowns? More »

10:25 AM on Mon Jul 23 2007
By Seth
9,224 views, 21 comments

gifted orators

Paula Abdul And Winston Churchill's Personal Philosophies Virtually Interchangeable


It would seem on the surface that there are few parallels to be drawn between Sir Winston Churchill and Paula Abdul, but there nevertheless exists striking similarities between the two popular figures: Both have suffered at one point or another from a coherency-impeding speech defect, both have pitched moderately successful jewelry lines on QVC, and both were admired for their ability to deliver rousing speeches before an audience of millions in moments when peril loomed greatest, such as the threat of Nazi domination or Constantine Maroulis's impending ouster from American Idol. More »

2:30 PM on Wed Jun 27 2007
By Seth
2,409 views, 15 comments

Latest by scroll_lock: 9 of 13. A better contest would be to have a dance-off between the two. Get me MC Scat Cat, stat! more »

canine flatulence

Paula Abdul Still Haunted By Chihuahua-Fart Demons


There's a little less than a week to go before Bravo begins airing episodes of Hey Paula, the hotly anticipated reality show capturing the narcotized, eyebrow-waxing adventures of everyone's favorite eccentric Chihuahua lady, Paula Abdul. To hold you over, we offer a brief clip in which Access Hollywood host Billy Bush pays Paula a house call, impressively rattling off the names of several dozen of her rodent-sized companions, before The One They Call Tulip—famed patsy in the American Idol judge's recent nose-shattering mishap—trots onto his lap to deliver a virtuosic backwind concerto. More »

11:08 AM on Fri Jun 22 2007
By Seth
4,523 views, 4 comments

Latest by raincoaster: Chihuahuas are not dogs: they are fetus replacements, with sharp teeth. I cheer every time one is lost to the urban coyotes. more »

hollywood privacywatch

There Is No Sating Hollywood A-Listers' Hunger For Artisanal, Thin-Crust Pizza

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are posted several times a week, so them in often. Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line) and tell everyone about the time you spotted a grocery-shopping Larry Birkhead getting a head start on Dannielynn's food-dependency issues. More »

2:03 PM on Tue Jun 12 2007
By Seth
11,604 views, 15 comments

coming attractions

A Deeper Understanding Of What Makes Paula Abdul Tick Just A Few Short Weeks Away


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publicists

Paula Abdul Thinks Ex-Flack Didn't Jump On Enough Grenades For Her

We incorrectly assumed that as the end credits rolled on the American Idol finale, a designated producer would rush up to judge Paula Abdul, hand her a fist-sized pill for "nerve pain" to gnaw on for a few minutes, and then prop up her slumbering body in a janitorial closet, reviving her from her off-season hibernation only when the first group of Idol hopefuls arrived at January's cattle-call auditions. Abdul, however, has been quite active in the rags since last Wednesday night's sign-off show. She recently railed against how every slurred, on-camera utterance is unfairly scrutinized (can't a popular TV personality chemically manage her chronic pain without people jumping all over her when she momentarily forgets the order that makes strings of words comprehensible?), and today finds herself the subject of a Page Six story describing a "meltdown" she allegedly had on a conference call in which she "seems to be talking to a group of publicists at some point during the last week" about how her former flack wasn't properly servicing her crazy-person needs. An excerpt: More »

9:11 AM on Thu May 31 2007
By Mark
5,162 views, 15 comments

Latest by bedofnails: @Everybody Likes Pandas: Or a James Dean inspired Keanu Reeves more »

coping

Paula's Little Helpers Take The Edge Off For Lovable 'Idol' Judge

As the American Idol machine reboards its Magic Karaoke Spaceship and lifts off into the ether, perhaps the hardest part of it all comes in knowing that with it flies away the show's trusty center judge, Paula Abdul. Sure, she'll return when the entire sadomasochistic process begins anew in January, but for those of us who greedily relied upon her zonked-out, indecipherable energies being beamed to us twice a week through our TVs, there is little sweetness to our parting sorrow. Abdul recently opened up to OK! magazine, educating their readers about the excruciating physical conditions that led to a reliance on prescription painkillers: More »

4:57 PM on Wed May 30 2007
By Seth
3,954 views, 5 comments

Latest by heidiho: I thought she was on stuff for the staph infection she got during a manicure? Damn, Paula, keep those stories straight... up. more »

suspicious chihuahua-related mishaps

Signs Paula Abdul Might Have Fallen Off The Wagon: A Feel-Good Round-Up

Tonight, we as a nation will have one last chance to choose our sixth American Idol, a coronation that will be completed on tomorrow's bloated, two-hour finale, an event unlikely to be made any more palatable by a surprise appearance by Prince or a moist-eyed David Hasselhoff. What we're most anticipating, however, is the possibility of an old-fashioned Paula Abdul toxic meltdown. The signs are all there:
· We briefly noted yesterday that Abdul broke her nose in an effort to avoid stepping on her dog Tulip, which resulted in a colorful array of jokes in today's headlines. Could something have impaired her ability to maneuver around a Chihuahua? Only Paula, and anyone who can see or hear Paula, knows for certain. [CNN.com] More »

1:25 PM on Tue May 22 2007
By Seth
3,522 views, 5 comments

Latest by s00p3rm4n: You're looking for signs that Paula Abdul is drinking? How about "if she's awake?" more »

short ends

Batman Begins...Viral Marketing


· We're not going to do Warner Bros.' job for them, but if you go here, here (do a Ctrl-A on that one), here, and then here, you can figure out what the above picture is all about. Congratulations, you've successfully completed a viral marketing campaign.
· Only five felonies? Sizemore's totally losing his edge.
· Polanski throws a tantrum at Cannes, disappointed that the lapdog press didn't whip up some more challenging questions about hot-tube rape.
· "Tripping over a chihuahua" is the new "took two months' worth of prescription painkillers."
· If you plan on ever getting another good night's sleep, don't watch this.

8:00 PM on Mon May 21 2007
By Mark
3,921 views, 17 comments

Latest by schvitzatura: Heath Ledger as "The Crow"? Has anyone gotten Jack Nicholson's reaction yet? more »

american idol

'Idol' Secrets Revealed: Paula Hearts Simon


A disappointingly coherent center American Idol judge Paula Abdul is offering us little to celebrate by way of memorable meltdowns this season. She did burst into tears last night, but who really cares about that if it isn't immediately followed by blacking out and some involuntary crowd surfing? At least we could still cling to one Idol truth (besides Ryan Seacrest being dwarfed by even the female contestants, regardless of whether or not he happens to be wearing heels), and that's that she and Simon Cowell hate each other's guts. Not so! says Abdul in a recent interview, calling Cowell "a really good friend" and likening him to an "antagonistic brother goofing on me." Alternately, she says she sees Randy Jackson as "kind of like the annoying guy who works in the cubicle next to you who says 'dawg' a lot? But like, no one really knows what he does? And he'll, like, eat the SnackWells in your top drawer when you expressly told him not to? Really, we're just co-workers. Maybe, like, once-in-a-blue-moon after-work-margarita friends, but nothing more." More »

7:06 PM on Wed Mar 14 2007
By Seth
3,693 views, 1 comment

Latest by Conceited Hipster: Riveting. more »

paula abdul

Paula Abdul Still Baffled By Persistent Rumors She Might Not Be 100% Sober

Relentlessly upbeat and intermittently intelligible center American Idol judge Paula Abdul is still explaining (and using almost exactly the same words) how her slurred, nonsensical, and sometimes unconscious appearances on national television are the result of a somewhat sideways view of life, and not, as many assume incorrectly, a predilection for straight-up Xanaxtinis: More »

12:11 PM on Wed Feb 14 2007
By Seth
1,281 views, 14 comments

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