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defamer attractions
Welcome back to Defamer Attractions, your weekly source of tips, hints and handicapping for the latest in moviegoing. Today we catch up with projections for the not-so-mystifyingly buzz-less Speed Racer, gauge Iron Man's potential for a second straight week at No. 1, survey the landscape for our favorite underdog on the scene (hint: She shoots a mean game of pool), and browse the DVD stacks for noteworthy new titles. As always, our opinions are our own, but they're also right — Wachowskis be damned.
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'Speed Racer' Sputters Behind 'Iron Man' in Summer's First Tentpole Battle
Welcome back to Defamer Attractions, your weekly source of tips, hints and handicapping for the latest in moviegoing. Today we catch up with projections for the not-so-mystifyingly buzz-less Speed Racer, gauge Iron Man's potential for a second straight week at No. 1, survey the landscape for our favorite underdog on the scene (hint: She shoots a mean game of pool), and browse the DVD stacks for noteworthy new titles. As always, our opinions are our own, but they're also right — Wachowskis be damned.
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defamer photo essay
Who's Happier, Nicole Richie The Bony Party Girl Or Nicole Richie The New Mom?
Will Nicole Richie (shocker!) ultimately wind up just like that other tabloid favorite who got knocked up a wee early and eventually morphed into a ripped pantyhose-wearing, bathtub-hopping gurney-strapped party girl? As MSNBC reports, Richie is finding herself torn between the So! Wonderful! life of motherhood and domestic bliss all those parenting magazines assure us is pure happiness, and her former profession as a full-time mischief causer:"Before Harlow came along, Nicole never had to worry about anything. All she did was party with her friends and go shopping...can't figure out if she's happier when she's home with the baby or hitting the town with her friends..."We took a look at some photographic evidence to figure out which Nicole looks happiest: party girl or new mommy, after the jump: More »
wannabes
Remember The Days When The Last Person Paris Hilton Wanted To Be Was Nicole Richie?
It's tough to remember (or believe) that once upon a time, Nicole Richie was merely Paris Hilton's chubby, recently-rehabbed, dread-locked sidekick. She made a name for herself by starting fights in clubs and providing a crude antidote to the far more glamorous Paris during the first season of The Simple Life. Fast-forward five years later (just like in Lost!); Richie has managed to outshine Hilton's star status not by doing anything in the way of "work," but instead by transforming into a style icon with a fiance and baby to boot. And lately, Paris seems to be doing everything in her power to copy her former lesser half's life, from her choices in fashion and boyfriends to her recent and sudden slim-down. More »
fur burgers
So What's On Neil Patrick Harris' Mind Grapes? Crack Cocaine, Boobs And Shrooms
"What Would NPH Do?" If we have asked ourselves that question once while staring deeply into the eyes of Neil Patrick Harris straddling a unicorn, we have asked it a thousand times. But now, the Shoe Fairy himself has agreed to provide his fans with the answer to that timeless question. Only problem is, he's not quite sure. "I can't decide between crack cocaine and Paris Hilton," he tells Time Out New York. Which is very winky and cute, but Neil shares more than second-rate stand-up bits in this piece. More on his very detailed description of "cans" (that's "boobies" in NPH-speak) and how he feels about jump-starting his comeback by snorting drugs off a strippers ass, after the jump: More »
til the next guy do us part
Paris Hilton Wants 'Double Wedding' With Frenemy Nicole Richie And Brothers Madden
With news that Paris Hilton is just dying to plan a "double wedding" with Nicole Richie and baby daddy Joel Madden, we've decided that the heiress has a hard time determining what exactly makes for marriage material. Hilton and Madden's brother Benji haven't even announced any engagements via blog post yet, but Paris isn't wasting any time daydreaming about matching hers and Nicole's matching wedding gowns and, if we're lucky, an off-key duet of "Stars Are Blind" sung at the altar by the dual vocal powerhouse that is P&N. But at just 26, just how many times has Paris found the man she plans on spending the rest of her beautiful life with? We took a look back at the modern day Liz Taylor in the making: More »
no butts about it
Paris Hilton Is Not A Fan Of Kim Kardashian's 'Cottage Cheese In A Trash Bag' Butt
Note to all potential Paris Hilton BFFs: if you're planning on auditioning to become Paris' next new lapdog, don't even think about standing a chance if you're packing any junk in the trunk. Hilton recently made it clear that should a friend's rear prove aesthetically displeasing to the heiress, she will shun them from her sparkly circle. As she blabbed in a recent radio interview:"I would not want [Kim's butt] — it's gross! ...It reminds me of cottage cheese inside a big trash bag."But considering the latest turn-out at a New York audition for her new show, Hilton may want to lower her standards a bit... More »
ego fashion
Paris Hilton Wants to Give Us Bunions Just Like Hers
Every girl wants to look like Paris Hilton. Well, probably not, but she certainly thinks they do. The - what are we calling her these days? Actress? Singer? Socialite? - is now also the "designer" of her own hideous line of shoes. With names like "Fierce" and "Hamptons," the shoes are just another step in Hilton's devious master plan to turn women everywhere into her. This comes not long after Paris launched her own line of hair extensions, DreamCatcher. It remains unclear who told the heiress that her own fake hair looked good, let alone encouraged her to sell a cheaper version to the public. As Tina Fey said of Hilton's week at the SNL studio back in 2006, "You would walk down the hall and find what just looked like nasty wads of Barbie hair on the stairs... Her hair is like a Fraggle." Certainly a ringing endorsement for her line!
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that's hot
Howard Stern's Cronies Want To Be Paris Hilton's BFF
If you have "responsibilities" and "a life," you may not know that Paris Hilton is searching for a best friend on her new MTV reality show. So how does one get in on that sweet action and earn the right to hang with Hilton (for as long as the cameras are rolling)? MTV suggests you start by heading over to http://parisbff.com and creating a profile. Then, if you get enough votes, you could be picked for the show. You'll be in good company because two of the most celebrated members of Howard Stern's Wack Pack have already done so. More »
dancing with a sort of star
So Paris Hilton Thinks She Can Dance?
It's official. Paris Hilton should be banned from dancing on stages, be they in Phoenix or Istanbul. At yesterday's Miss Turkey competition (yes, "Miss Turkey"), Paris was inexplicably asked to serve as a judge during the festivities. And in an equally inexplicably turn of events, one of the belly-dancing extras performing for the crowd grabbed Paris from her seat and dragged the initially demure heiress up on stage to shake her non-existent booty for the incredibly non-enthused crowd. Now, we're not in any position to pass judgment on Middle Eastern dancing moves, but we're still pretty sure that tossing your hair back and robotically shimmying your hips back and forth does not a belly dance make. Judge for yourselves after the jump. More »
we are all on drugs
Britney, Paris and Lindsay May Be Hooked On Adderall, But Guess Who Else 'Experts' Say Loves The Blue Stuff Too?
Generation Rx sounded pretty cool when the term was first coined, but now that Paris Hilton, Nicole Richie, Britney and Lindsay have all boarded the Adderall bandwagon, we fear the pill-popping twenty-something crowd has officially snorted the shark. According to reports in both the New York Daily News and on abc.com, crushing the little blue pills and snorting them is the oh-so-coolest way to stay skinny, replacing old time faves caffeine, cigs and (if you're adventurous) cocaine. But just as we started hating on all the celebs using the pill-of-the-week to lose weight, we read a bit more about who else in Hollywood is hooked on the jitterbuggy meds. After the jump, learn which highest of highbrow actresses is also suspected of Adderall addiction: More »
doing good
Paris Hilton Brings African Orphans The Bikini Headshots They So Desperately Need
While having yet to really deliver on her post-incarceration pledge to feed the hungry Darfricans of Rwandonia, Paris Hilton did finally manage to make it to the African subcontinent yesterday, accompanying boyfriend Benji Madden to Johannesburg as he toured with his band Good Charlotte. Once there, she refused to step foot out of her Range Rover caravan until handlers agreed to "show me some African orphans like the one Madonna bought or whatever," at which point Hilton was whisked to the Jacaranda Children's Home, where she signed a stack of photographs featuring the humanitarian star of The Hottie or the Nottie striking a seductive pose in a white bikini. (A gesture which only confused some of the younger children, who proceeded to gnaw on the headshot, assuming it was was some kind of flatbread ration.)
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catfights
Warning: Do Not Put Lindsay Lohan In The Same Room With Paris Hilton Or Onions
While she hasn't been caught with coke pants or knives (yet), budding leggings designer Lindsay Lohan has been caught throwing two tantrums back to back. Whether or not the allegations are as suspect as those made against fellow ex-rehabber and possible anger management candidate Owen Wilson remains to be seen, but the reasons behind Lohan's hissy fits are classic entries in the long history of diva freakouts. So what and who has driven Lindsay off the wall recently? Onions, and one of her best frenemies, Paris Hilton:
"[Lindsay] arrived at the Scandinavian Style Mansion soiree [and] reportedly threw a 'hissy fit' after seeing 'Paris Hilton Handbags' printed on the red carpet sponsor board. 'We were never told that Paris was part of the event,' [her rep] tells E! News. 'Nor did we know there was a liquor sponsor. She wouldn't have participated.'"More »
fame game
Twenty New Reality Hopefuls Will Compete For Paris Hilton's Heart (And The Chance To Break It)
With Nicole Richie playing house for the next five minutes or so, Kim Kardashian having moved on to mall clothing endorsements and her own show, and sister Nicky entrapped in a brand new anorexia scandal, Paris Hilton has no one to play with. Not even her hypersexual litter of puppies. So she's prepared to do what Britney and Jessica Simpson did before her: pay someone to be her friend. Teaming up with MTV and Ish Entertainment, Paris announced the debut of her next reality show, Paris Hilton's My New BFF, in which 20 lucky boys and girls will prove to Paris that they're capable of being loyal, trustworthy pals who won't try to feel her up or plan porny video attacks mid-party. As Paris herself put it, "[I am looking for] someone I can just trust, someone who's not gonna stab me in the back like has happened a lot in this town, someone I can have fun with." But what does the winner get in exchange?
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pulling wool
A Well-Intentioned Hotel Heiress Turns The Tables On Today's Nefarious Celebrity-Industrial Complex
By now, we realize that we were "pap'd" by the Paris-and-Guru photo opportunity a few weeks ago, which was orchestrated by the devious media mastermind Ashton Kutcher and broadcast on Sunday night as part of his new show Pop Fiction. In the clip above, we watch Paris engage in her pre-hoax therapy-style production meeting, where she states that there is a "time and place" for all the paparazzi attacks launched against her, but that she has become exhausted by all of the unwanted attention. In order to put the papps in their place, she decided to combat all the unwanted press and guerilla forces NOT by avoiding attention, but rather by hitting some of her favorite hotspots with a mint-addicted healer impersonator in tow. That'll show em!
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fighting back
Ashton Kutcher To Fix It So You Never Believe Anything You Read About That Paris Hilton Whore Again
Finally! Someone has the guts to stand up for the world's downtrodden hotel heiresses, whose only desire is that they be left to live their lives in peace, free from the flashbulb-popping scavengers of the celebrity media. That's what has emerged from the recent photos published just about everywhere—including here—of Paris Hilton, accompanied by what turns out was not her guru, but an actor hired to fool us into thinking as much by Ashton Kutcher's new prank series, Pop Fiction:
Pop Fiction, an eight-episode series, is a prank show targeting paparazzi and gullible media outlets. It's made with the eager help of stars, who were the laughing stocks of Kutcher's former MTV show.More »
buddhism for dummies
