An Open Letter to P.T. Anderson on the Occasion of 'There Will Be Blood''s Miserable DVD Release

Dear Paul Thomas Anderson,

You know we love you. We've seen everything you've done multiple times, once even all in the same day. Our hearts soared when Daniel Day-Lewis credited your "mad, beautiful head" for his Oscar triumph this year; his appreciation spoke for us as well. Sure, we have issues with Magnolia (OK, we hate it), but at least when the DVD came around we were able to make a little more sense of your passion and indulgence. That behind-the-scenes doc by Mark Rance? Fantastic. We'd have preferred the commentaries like those in Boogie Nights and Sydney (a/k/a Hard Eight), but hey. If you're going to charge us for two discs, you'd better make the second one worth our dime.

Which gets us to this new two-disc "collector's edition" of There Will Be Blood, which Paramount Vantage released April 8. Pardon us, but what the fuck is this?

In a crowded awards season, studios have never been above resorting to clever marketing gimmicks to get their movies noticed, plying critics and journalists with everything from fanciful Juno hamburger phones to desktop pneumatic-bolt-stunners accompanied by notes reading, "How many times do we need to drill this into your skull: No Country for Old Men is this year's most acclaimed film!" Hopping upon that bandwagon is Paramount Vantage, who, reports slashfilm.com, have caught wind of the "I drink your milkshake. I drink it up!"-mania currently gripping the nation: