Defamer: Olsen Twins

Intimate Bob Saget/Olsen Twins Relationship Explained by Gilbert Gottfried

STV — Wed, 06 Aug 2008 09:55:00 PDT

The recent taping of Bob Saget's Comedy Central Roast was bound to take a wrong turn sooner or later — sooner, in fact, if the comic's filthy inner circle evinced in The Aristocrats and other blue rooms over the years had anything to do with it. In fact, we'd bet dollars to donuts that the Gilbert Gottfried riff below was merely a mild, early pacesetter for an even more sordid night to come, which should roughly result in a seven-minute broadcast on Aug. 17 after the censors get a hold of it. We're told this clip is among those slashed, but really, aren't the Olsen Twin molestation gags we've been hearing about almost too easy under the circumstances? Would Candace Cameron jokes just be too on the nose? You tell us after the jump, and come on, Gil — don't get soft on us now.

The Comedy Central Roast of Bob Saget [Comedy Central]

How To Get The Olsen Twins Into Bed

Molly Friedman — Wed, 18 Jun 2008 17:55:00 PDT

After attending a New York movie screening with rumored new boyfriend Justin Bartha last night, it appears that Ashley Olsen is about to finally make her new relationship public. And after years of tracking the Olsen Twins, we have to admit that we are more than a bit mystified by how these two ended up as a couple. The deliciously handsome actor, sort of memorable from National Treasure (for those of you bold enough to admit you’ve seen it), is about to become far more memorable after appearing opposite Catherine Zeta-Jones in next year’s The Rebound. But more on ~~our new crush~~ this guy later. The question we can’t quite answer yet has to do with both Olsens and their laundry list of former flings. Never failing to shock, both Mary Kate and Ashley have one of the most eccentric, baffling and WTF dating history between them. We examine each of their previous love interests in an attempt to figure out what exactly they find attractive, why they pick who they pick, and upon discovering quite the few lookers in the bunch, why these guys pick them, after the jump.

Before Bartha, Ashley was most recently linked to one ball wonder Lance Armstrong; prior to the bit part actor/bicyclist, the working twin had dalliances with Jared Leto before Lindsay Lohan stole him away. Most curiously, perhaps, was her brief sting dating the Prince of Annoyingness Wilmer Valderrama. The only pattern we see for our Ashley is the common presence of blue eyes (minus Wilmer), a solid but not intimidating bad boy rap sheet (minus Bartha, far as we know), and a general goal of dating the most random Hollywood outcasts in town. Were we not so envious of her newest paramour, we'd quite possibly applaud her diverse taste, even with Wilmer in the pack. Jared will always be Jordan Catalano in our eyes, no matter how much makeup he piles on.

MK has a wildly different (and yet unnervingly similar!) pattern of her own. Currently dating euro billionaire Lapo Elkann, the prunier Olsen counts artist/Uma Thurman cousin Max Snow and every Hollywood bimbo’s favorite throwaway make-out partner Stavros Niarchos among her ex-boyfriends. It seems MK’s requirements include long, mangy hair, an incredibly ambiguous “career” despite being labeled heirs, and guys who are afraid of showers. In the end, we get the sense that the more pragmatic and naive Ashley tends to chase after those who shoot excellent game and resemble knights in latex/guylighter/hair gelled armor, while MK has a far more pointed system: the dirtier, sleazier, greasier, and potentially damaging boys feed (hey, something has to feed her) her masochistic mania. Analysis complete.

[Photo credits: Wireimage]

THEY CAN'T HIDE FROM US [NYP]

Meat Lover Jessica Simpson Becomes Latest Celebrity To Face Snarky Wrath Of PETA

Molly Friedman — Tue, 17 Jun 2008 16:05:00 PDT

No blog, talking head or alcoholic British songbird can compete with PETA when it comes to snark. For decades, the animal lovers have verbally beheaded countless starlets for their fur and snakeskin accessories, but only recently have their targets bitten back. After seeing a recent photo of plumper-than-usual Jessica Simpson sporting one of those so-last-season message t-shirts reading “Real Girls Eat Meat,” we wondered how many of her peers have boldly set themselves up for one of PETA’s trademark white powder massacres. Having called Nicole Richie “an incredible shrinking woman with the heart to match,” advising Ashley Olsen that “wearing fur does add 20 pounds, but if [she] wants to fill out her frame, we suggest using a fork instead,” and telling Lindsay Lohan “there's no road to recovery for the foxes who are anally electrocuted so that you can look skanky,” has PETA inspired any other starlets to publicly react just as vehemently? We take a look at the ongoing battles after the jump.

After making PETA's 2005 Worst Dressed List and earning particularly mean reason from the group's trademark bag of bitchy tricks, ("If she keeps on wearing fur and eating at Carl's Jr., she'll be back on the list next year as Star Jones."), Paris allegedly sat through animal torture videos from China and promised to stop wearing fur. As a reward, PETA removed the "heirhead" from next year's list. Christina Ricci followed a similar path after making the 2006 list, sitting through a Martha Stewart expose (shudder) on how mean it is to hurt the fuzzy wuzzies, and PETA obliged by removing her from the list as well. And the always crafty Lindsay Lohan managed to put a stop to her inclusion on the 06 list before its release date by assuring the PETA prez she was working on "weeding out" fur from her wardrobe. Too bad last month's whole fur bandit shenanigans didn't exactly make our favorite chic lesbian look like a woman who keeps her word.

As for those stars who've decided to fight back against all the haters at PETA, Ashley and Mary Kate Olsen have made the Worst Dressed List more than a few times, but quietly made their reactions known by including tons of animal fur in their clothing collection last year. As for the queen of Best Dressed Lists (just not PETA's), fur lover extraordinaire Kate Moss has continued to sport everything from beaver to rabbit to mink to who knows what kind of lizard skin onesies after hours despite PETA's threats and cutting remarks ("Nothing completes the transition from supermodel to super tramp like a fur coat.")

Bonus: Britney Spears, endless black hole of lovely surprises, was cut from PETA's poll earlier this year because, according to a PETA spokesperson, she "needed a break." While it doesn't quite fully endear us to the red paint sabotage army, we can't help but think that it's a positive gesture.

[Photo Credit: X17, Bauer-Griffin]

PETA Wishes Olsen Twins A Very Hairy Happy Birthday

Molly Friedman — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 13:20:00 PDT

The long-running war between the celebrity-obsessed activists at PETA and the tiny fur-obsessed Olsen Twins makes Cruise v. Shields scrap look like the Anglo-Zanzibar War in comparison. In the past, we’ve tended to laugh along as PETA got huffy at the tiny millionaires every time they insisted on draping themselves in the former coats of lions, tigers and bears during August heat waves, but a statement from the borderline bestiality fan group released today has us wondering which is worse: designing a (generally critically praised) collection including fur, or catty threats viciously aimed at the pair:

”Thin-twins Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen are about to get some publicity that will have them running away faster than if they'd spotted a calorie...As the Olsen twins prepare to celebrate their 22nd birthday this Friday, they'll be getting some unusual 'gifts' in the mail... from countless young people who object to cruelty to animals.”

What the Olsens’ birthday present(s) will be from PETA and why, after the jump.

Rather than sending a months-long supply of trendy Detox lemon and maple syrup drinks to their 24/7 New York party palace, the animal lovers have recruited their junior committee, known as Peta2, to chop off their granola-laced dreadlocks and ship them to Casa Olsens by the truckload. As the LAT reports, the group's site has "posted a 'mission' on its highly trafficked web site, Peta2.com, urging young people to send the fur-wearing twins snippets of their own hair along with a note that reads, 'Please, use my hair instead of the animals.'" As brilliant and crafty as PETA may deem their master plan, we suspect the improvisational fashionistas will prune with delight after receiving the massive human hair delivery. Judging from their bizarre sartorial decisions in the past, look out for human hair earrings, human hair buttons and ties made out of narly dreadlock braids to appear on the pages of Vogue next month.

OLSEN TWINS INCUR THE WRATH OF PETA [LAT]

The Olsen Twins Teach Us The Powers Of 'The Prune'

Molly Friedman — Thu, 12 Jun 2008 11:05:00 PDT

Love them or hate them, the magical millionaire pixies that are the Olsen Twins have at least one confirmed talent: perfecting their trademark pose for the paparazzi. And unlike Keira Knightley’s "Don’t Hate Me Because I’m So Rich, Thin And Beautiful" pout or Lindsay Lohan’s dilated tipsy face (often accompanied by props like neon bras and knives!), the Olsens allegedly use a tactic called The Prune. We highly doubt we’re the only ones who’ve noticed the duo’s matching facial contortion on red carpets in which their doll-sized lips purse and their cheekbones struggle to break free from nicotine-drenched skin. Their secret? As a source tells OK!, “Every time they pose and smile, they say the word ‘prune.’” Genius! Examples of the sometimes-flattering, sometimes-horrifying technique, presented in our favorite Tipsy Face Bingo format, after the jump.

What makes this particular game of bingo far more fun than usual is struggling to figure out which Olsen is which. And in an effort to help you out, we'll clue you in to the fact that Ashley, who hasn't clung to The Prune as obsessively as MK recently, appears only thrice in our montage. Let the guessing games begin!

[Photo credits: FilmMagic, Getty, Wireimage]

SECRET OF THE OLSENS' SMILE? SAY 'PRUNE'! [MSNBC]

Busted! Mary Kate Olsen Shops At The Gap

Douglas Reinhardt — Fri, 09 May 2008 09:45:00 PDT

boomp3.com

A forlorn Mary Kate Olsen was seen entering a Century City parking lot and no, she wasn't upset because of how much she was going to have pay for parking. Olsen was more upset that she was photographed wearing what most would consider a rather normal outfit. Olsen asked if the photographer could come back in twenty minutes or so and she'll be wearing something wackier than what Bjork wore to the Oscars that one year. Yet the photographer persisted with his picture taking and explained that this is worth more money. Olsen sighed, then asked, "How do you know that I'm Mary Kate? Maybe, I'm the sane one. Ashley?" The photographer shrugged his shoulders and said, "Same difference."

[Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin]

That Headband Was Not Photoshopped On

Douglas Reinhardt — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 09:55:00 PDT

boomp3.com

The always fashion forward Mary Kate Olsen told reporters that she was running late and just threw on whatever she could find. Whatever she could find happened to be a patio chair and a piece of her cats' scratching post. Olsen told a reporter that she got caught up with her Blackberry and just lost track of time and she just thought that the scratching post looked really cool.

[Photo Credit: Getty Images]

Surprise Of The Year: The Olsen Twins Look Hot In Bikinis

Molly Friedman — Fri, 28 Mar 2008 14:28:00 PDT

We're fans of surprises here at Defamer, especially when they involve young female stars in bikinis. So when we came across these photos of Ashley and Mary-Kate Olsen in their itty bitty swimsuits on Egotastic, we were admittedly shocked. Considering all those years-old anorexia rumors, coupled with endless paparazzi shots making the tiny twins look roughly 80 pounds combined, we'd expect a somewhat fear-filled reaction upon seeing MK and Ash undressed. But you know what? Hugh Hefner may not have been crazy after all when he decided the twins would be ideal candidates for his next Playboy spread. Even if the camera does add poundage, we're seeing muscle tone and curves. Take a closer look at the full gallery, up close and personal, after the jump.

First we have the blonder Ashley, who appears to be obeying every women's magazine advisory to apply sunscreen everywhere from your areolas to your inner wrists. But we're digging the squeezable thighs and the curvy tummy:

And though the more messy-haired Mary-Kate isn't quite revealing as much skin in these pics, we're pretty sure we spot an actual boob. Of the non-concave variety. We're also overjoyed to see that infamous back of hers, once featuring vertebrae so prominent you could open a bottle of Coors off them. All we see is a nicely tan rear with no signs of starvation.

But you tell us: are the Olsens officially hot, or have they just mildly improved?

[Photo Credits: Egotastic]

MARY KATE AND ASHLEY OLSEN BIKINI PICTURES [Egotastic]

An Olsen twin is down! An Olsen is down! ...

Mark — Tue, 20 Nov 2007 09:52:27 PST

An Olsen twin is down! An Olsen is down! Thankfully, according to the rep for the Mary-Kate half (the one on Weeds, as you surely recall) of Hollywood's richest set of formerly conjoined twins, the just-announced hospitalization was for a "kidney infection," an explanation far less suspicious than the "exhaustion" and "dehydration" excuses forever tainted by flacks for the actress's more-troubled, serially rehabbing peers. [People]

Better Know Your Premium-Cable Olsen Twin

Mark — Tue, 21 Aug 2007 17:43:24 PDT

It's been so long since our last viewing of New York Minute, the last big Hollywood project the then-still-conjoined Olsen Twins took on before electing for a controversial separation surgery that effectively ended their acting careers, that we'd forgotten which half of the duo we'd once believed to possess all their acting talent.

Now, however, Mary-Kate (right? Yeah, the Mary-Kate one) is making out with Sir Ben Kingsley in indies and landing showy roles on Weeds, so we'll assume she's the one we'd always thought was destined for bigger things than So Little Time and When in Rome. Above, find a promo clip for her new Showtime gig, which in a short 40-second runtime reinforces our feeling that the show's producers probably stunt-cast the best possible Olsen as their Jesus-freak pothead.

First Look: Mary-Kate Olsen Joins the Cast of Weeds [YouTube]

Sir Ben On How An Olsen Twin Brought 'Huge Energy' To Making Out With Him

Mark — Wed, 15 Aug 2007 14:42:55 PDT

Ranking at the very top of a list we keep of Celebrity Pairs We Hope To Never See Making Out—and beating out such unholy couplings as Peter O'Toole/Nicole Richie and Elizabeth Taylor/Haley Joel Osment—has long been Sir Ben Kingsley and either of the Olsen Twins, the subjects of one our most troubling recurring dreams. (We will spare you the details, no matter how fiercely you beg us to share them. Just know that a messy chocolate souffle is involved. We've said too much!) But thanks to the upcoming indie film The Wackness, we'll soon have the opportunity to see the much-unclamored-for Kingsley/Mary-Kate osculation outside of our fragile, obviously very damaged subconscious. Worse still is the way in which Sir Ben describes his co-star to Access Hollywood:

"Mary-Kate has huge energy. She is very, very committed to her work," Kingsley told Access during a visit to the set.

We genuinely hope that Access took that quote out of context just for shock value, because we really can't bear to visualize Olsen, eager to prove that aforementioned commitment to her venerated scene partner, grabbing Kingsley's head and gnawing on his tongue like it's the first meal she's had in a week. But we're sure that whatever winds up on screen won't be nearly as bad as we've built it up to be.

Ben Kingsley: Kissing & Telling About Mary-Kate [AH]

Jet-Lagged John Stamos Tries To Recall How Many Olsen Twins He Used To Work With

Mark — Mon, 25 Jun 2007 13:38:00 PDT

In a suspiciously incomprehensible promotional performance that recalls Paula Abdul's finest, power-napping junket work on behalf of American Idol, hunky TV doctor and former Full House "cool uncle" John Stamos slurred his way through an ER press appearance in Australia yesterday. The Daily Telegraph reports that the actor and his publicist jointly ascribed his inability to clearly articulate his thoughts on his still-vital relationship with the Olsen Twins to a brain-clouding cocktail of coffee abuse and jetlag, an explanation the paper cynically dismisses by noting that Stamos has "been in Sydney since Thursday." Through the magic of the internets, a worldwide system of info-tunnels through which images of a famous person's every misstep can be instantly disseminated, you can enjoy a clip of the interview, deciding for yourself whether the flack's diagnosis of Stamos's rare Delayed, Caffeine-Enhanced Time Zone Readjustment Syndrome is a valid one.

Stamos Slurs Through Press Call [Breitbart.TV]
ER star Stamos zoned out [Daily Telegraph AU]

The Olsen Twins Turn 21, World Yawns, Wonders How Lindsay's Holding Up In Rehab

Mark — Wed, 13 Jun 2007 17:54:37 PDT

While the Olsen Twins' passage into civically recognized womanhood three years ago was a cultural event so significant that countdown clocks ticking down the seconds until their shared 18th birthday were erected in every corner of the internet and Barely Legal magazine famously sponsored a three-week party in a handful of major American cities commemorating the occasion, today's ascent to drinking age is passing with little, if any, fanfare.

Perhaps it was their tabloid ubiquity between their 18th and 21st years, a period during which they allegedly struggled with addiction, eating disorders, and experimental bag-lady fashions that has dampened the public's enthusiasm for this largely meaningless milestone, or that more spectacularly self-destructive peers have stolen the spotlight, but who can know for sure? We speak only for ourselves when we say that much of their intoxicating mystique was diminished back on January 28, 2005, when the still-conjoined pair seized control of their DualStar Corporation from longtime Svengali Robert Thorne, a move that allowed them to finally go through with the controversial surgical separation procedure the sage manager had long counseled against, freeing them to pursue a far less interesting range of solo pursuits.

Mary-Kate & Ashley Olsen [IMDb]
Olsen Twins [Defamer]

Short Ends: We're Willing To Put That Ugly Finger-Sucking Incident Behind Us

Mark — Wed, 11 Oct 2006 19:14:10 PDT

· The trailer for Robert Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino's Grindhouse is circulating around the internets. And Rose McGowan has a machine gun for a leg. Not to get too reeled in by half a minute or so of teaser footage, but we might have to see this movie nine or ten times.
If looking at paparazzi photos of two Lost co-stars dry-humping (well, not-so-dry-humping) on the beach is something you've been waiting for, today is your lucky day,
This has always been one of our favorite New Pornographers songs, but now it has an even more special place in our hearts. And Bob Barker's too, we imagine. [via Fleshbot]
· Paris Hilton can't even get any respect on dirty, abandoned furniture.
· The Olsen twins move into the next phase of their corporate empire building, launching an e-commerce site where 'tweens can buy the same huge sunglasses and baglady-inspired fashions they themselves model on a daily basis.

The Five (Thousand) Celebrity People You Meet At Hyde

Mark — Tue, 18 Jul 2006 14:39:59 PDT

Imagine a place so tiny and densely packed with scene-whores, celebrities, and assorted industry VIP types that not even light (or an agent who's suddenly run out of coke and needs to call his connection before the mactress he's keeping high gets tired of him) can escape. If you can picture such a black hole of pure Hollywood clusterfuckery, you have a pretty good handle on the scene at Hyde. Because we know there is little in this world more satisfying than knowing who you weren't hanging out with last night behind the velvet rope, enjoy these reports of who turned up at Hyde last night, according to a pair of operatives:

Hyde — Monday night madness... Ok, so it's been a while since I ventured out of my garret bungalow beneath the bouganvilla draped stairs, nestled in West Hollywood, and boy did last night make up for lost time. I saw EVERYONE... well, maybe not everyone, but so many celebs! The nicest actress in the world : January Jones, totally sober, offering to give her buddies a ride home. Smokin' Monica Keena (back to blonde), and her usual male-harem, including Largo performing comic Kevin Seccia, and a tall strawberry blonde producer. The Mo-Ke gang was chillin' while Monica and Kirsten Dunst were having an old home week reunion. When I got back from the ladies' I had the pleasure(?) of seeing Brandon Davis and Paris Hilton (when you get sober, aren't you supposed to cool it with the heiress drinking buddies?) No one yelled 'firecrotch,' so I think it's safe to assume Lindsay wasn't even in the state... Last but not least, Lil' Miss Ragamuffin Mary Kate Olsen. So small, so draped in fabric.

The second report follows after the jump:

Nothing notable at the Roosevelt followed by what I thought would be a dud evening at Hyde. My friend told me to come to the bathroom with her and I almost resisted- when I walked in there she was.. Paris Hilton. I think she's much hotter in person- strikingly so.. wow. I was surprised Paris wasn't super thin- she's skinny but in a normal way. She was with a brunette of similar height/body- but I didn't recognize her. Amanda Demme was there and didn't seem as cold as my previous impressions of her. Kirsten Dunst walked past me and I didn't even notice- my friend had to point her out. On the way out one of the Olsen Twins was looking very emaciated & bag ladylike- grinding with one of the pillars as if it was a poll. I felt like I was watching Jon Benet (minus the makeup/hair) during the talent portion of a pageant- it just felt wrong!

Bonus roll call of famous-type people at Hyde on Friday night:

Brett Ratner, Nick, Jessica, Olsen Sister + Chris Rock + Kato Kaelin @ Hyde last night...it was the caricature night — fucking kato kaelin sighting made my night.

Big Bust At Mood Doesn't Cuff Any Underage Celebrities

Mark — Thu, 23 Mar 2006 14:31:35 PST

TMZ.com's web-enabled stalkerazzi have continued their crusade against the scourge of underage drinking at clubs in Hollywood Boulevard's storied Morality Corridor, capturing video of a bust at celeb-infested boozehole Mood late last night while trolling for evidence of the sub-21 celebrity set entering the bar. They did get footage of 19-year-old, famous-esque Laguna Beach personality Kristin Cavallari, as well as some of a 17-year-old (pictured at left) being led away in handcuffs for sneaking into the club with fake ID. Reports TMZ:

David Judaken, who owns Mood, told TMZ Thursday: "Thanks to your investigative reports, we are under investigation by several agencies." Judaken added that since our reports authorities have complimented him on the club's vigilance. He said the woman who was busted Thursday had an exceptionally good fake ID. He said his club has a "zero tolerance policy," adding, "My security doesn't even recognize celebrities or care." It is unclear in the video if Cavallari was carded before entering.

Dubious statements about the club's doormen's inability to spot a infiltrating Lohan or Olsen notwithstanding, we can hardly blame the Mood staff for letting the 17-year-old slip by. Judging from the video of the arrest her "exceptionally good fake ID" was obviously supplemented by the kind of back-up breast work that defies a parental plastic surgery consent form, indicating that she was at least 18 or 19 and could go relatively unnoticed by authorities once inside.

Bust at Hot Hollywood Club [TMZ.com]
Previously: Breaking! Underage Stars Party At Hollywood Clubs! [Defamer]

Breaking! Underage Stars Party At Hollywood Clubs!

Mark — Tue, 21 Feb 2006 13:53:14 PST

The web-enabled stalkerazzi at TMZ.com staked out Hollywood Boulevard, and after untold man-hours spent monitoring the comings and going of clubgoers, have finally blown the lid off one of the nightlife industry's dirtiest and best-kept secrets: Underage celebrities frequent establishments where alcohol is served. In addition to a (shocking!) photo of 18-year-old Jesse McCartney clutching a Corona (likely alcohol content: 4.5 percent), the site has (jaw-dropping!) video of some of your favorite teen stars brazenly patronizing bars:

TMZ has video of other underage stars entering and leaving Mood — 19-year-old Mary-Kate Olsen, 19-year-old Lindsay Lohan, 20-year-old Frankie Muniz, and the list goes on, though we don't know what they did when they were inside. How do they get away with it? A Hollywood nightclub promoter, who asked to remain anonymous, was blunt: "Authorities know that there are underage celebrities inside drinking and if they don't care, why should we?" He added the obvious: "Celebrities help to make our clubs more exclusive.

Indeed, local nightclubs couldn't possibly achieve any kind of B-list cred without the possibility that one might experience the mind-melting cognitive dissonance of watching Malcolm in the Middle's boy genius sucking tequila out of a shot girl's navel. Even so, the responsible citizens of TMZ have alerted the Alcohol Beverage Control department about the clubs' permissive shenanigans; we expect a full investigation (complete with undercover infiltration of the club scene performed by a plea-bargaining pigeon from a WB drama), and that the secret scourge of underage celebrity patronage will be wiped out by the end of the month.

Exclusive: Underage Stars Party Illegally at Clubs [TMZ.com]

Short Ends: Shining The Olsen Twins

Mark — Thu, 16 Feb 2006 17:47:19 PST

· Britney Spears on: not being bitter, ambivalent police offers, doing great, missing the road and being on stage, boredom, and the lack of wow in pop. Yeah, that about covers it.
· We find the Olsen twins a little unsettling in general, but now the Gilded Moose has figured out why their new modeling gig bothers us.
· Lisa Marie Presley marries, this time opting not to go with a child-actor-collecting, skin-bleaching, nose-hole-wheezing freak. Which, of course, means that we couldn't care less who the dude is.
· The pusher who started us mainlining unicorns insists that it's time we graduate to freebasing cuppycakes.

And Then Ashley And Selma Are All, "Lindsay's SOOO A Cokehead!"

Seth — Fri, 13 Jan 2006 11:40:01 PST

In LA, there are certain pushy pedestrian no-fly zones where celebrities can feel relaxed, knowing that they can luxuriate in their heightened level of existence without being thrown out of the fantasy with autograph or picture requests. The Chateau Marmont is a perfect example. Luckily for us, however, some of you could care less about bursting their protective bubbles:

i was having dinner @ The chateau marmont thursday evening across from Ashley Olsen, selma blair and 2 of their girlfriends... they left the same time we did so we decided to walk out behind them so we could ask for a pic @ the valet outside... before heading down stairs ashley stopped at a magazine stand with selma and picked up the vanity fair with lindsey lohan on the cover. ashley and selma cracked some "cokehead" jokes, giggled, and then went outside. when we asked ashley for a pic, she said yes, and selma took it... the funniest thing is that we didnt recognize selma, and she seemed REALLY offended when SHE had to take the pic! hahaha...

No one should be too surprised by this beautiful scene from Hollywood's high school cafeteria, with two skinny Mean Girls (yeah, it needed to be said) picking the salad out of their teeth with the bones of a third. We'd love to see some retaliatory weave-yanking the next time they encounter each other at Privilege or Mood, but the most we're likely to get is some offended glares volleyed back and forth across VIP booths as a That 70s Show cast member hoots his "No she did-int!" approval.

Olsen NutritionWatch: Mary-Kate's Brunch Of Lies

Mark — Mon, 04 Apr 2005 12:52:54 PDT

It was only yesterday that we sat down to a hearty brunch at our favorite eatery when our mind wandered, and we found ourselves silently asking, "I wonder if the one of the Olsen twins is dining somewhere else in the greater Los Angeles area, and if they are, what could they possibly be eating?" Lo and behold, our unspoken wish for an update on an Olsen's food intake was granted by a reader:

Sunday, April 3 - Swingers on Beverly - around 12-12:30pm - who plops down in the booth across from ours? Mary-Kate Olsen and an unfamiliar young guy (young like teenager young), who were all kinds of lovey-dovey. MK looked as mussed and messy as she always does in the gossip rags - itty bitty little thing - less anorexic, and more prepubescent underdeveloped, and the unnamed boy looked like he was either going for dreadlocks or just hadn't seen a hairbrush in several months. I did witness lil ole MK eat half a muffin and as I was leaving, her omelette and toast had just arrived, and she was buttering the toast. Yay nourishment!

A muffin? And toast? This ostentatious display of carb-loaded brunching was clearly nothing more than a public attempt at image repair in the wake of the Schiavo fiasco. Why not have a team of overweight nurses insert a feeding tube attached to an IV drip with "Twinkie extract" prominently emblazoned on the bag? Better luck with your subterfuge next time, twin.

Mary-Kate Olsen Probably Eats…Again! [Defamer]

Short Ends: No One Gets In Mary-Kate's Panties

Mark — Wed, 16 Mar 2005 16:37:12 PST

· It's hard to believe that not a single person bid on a pair of Mary-Kate Olsen's panties on eBay. Surely no one had doubts about their authenticity, because there's even a nice story about how the seller obtained the item. Still, nary a nibble. What's the world coming to?
· Bollywood continues to lag behind Hollywood in casting couch technology.
· The scariest words we've read all day, but only because we fear Falco only received 90 percent of the infant: "Edie Falco has adopted a baby boy, her agent confirmed Wednesday"
· Pajama pants: the must-have court fashion of the season.
· A final MJ thought: Is the famous Jeff Koons sculpture rising or falling in value now?

CNN Ad Bots Taunt Olsen Twins

Mark — Fri, 28 Jan 2005 13:26:12 PST

Oh, how we love it when web ad-serving software has a sense of humor. (Click through and you can see that all of the "related link" ads are for eating disorders.) One day, the technology will be sophisticated enough to insert something like Google's "Did you mean: narcotic rehabilitation centers?" in those boxes. Of course we'd then be out of a job, but such is the cost of progress.

Olsens take control of media empire [CNN/Reuters]

Olsen Twins Seize Control Of Empire [Defamer]

Olsen Twins Seize Control Of Empire

Mark — Fri, 28 Jan 2005 08:07:05 PST

The Olsen Twins are splitting with their longtime business partner, Robert Thorne, who helped them build the empire that has permanently melted the prefrontal lobes of a generation of 'tweens:

"The decision was to respect their desire to take the helm perhaps a few years earlier than I had anticipated," Thorne told Reuters. "But I didn't want to stand in their way provided that I was taken care of, as I was handsomely."

Before your mind is filled with disturbing images of two baby birds pecking greedily at a worm, we're pretty sure he's talking about money, and not, um, favors. It seems that Mary-Kate and Ash were anxious to take full control of Dualstar, allowing them to devote a greater percentage of the company's resources to the highly lucrative "blow-binge-and-rehab" line of business.

Olsen Twins Split With Partner in Media Empire [Reuters]

Ashley Olsen Unleashes Her Inner Slash [Defamer]

Ashley Olsen Unleashes Her Inner Slash

Mark — Wed, 12 Jan 2005 08:37:18 PST

Separate the Olsen Twins for more than a couple of minutes and that high-pitched screaming in their heads drives them criminally insane. To wit, The NY Daily News' Lloyd Grove reports that Ashley Olsen and her pals went all Guns N' Roses on a bungalow at the Beverly Hills Hotel during a friend's party over the holidays. Predictably, the twins' personal denial machine (some call it Michael Pagnotta) lurched into action:

Ashley was at a party at the Beverly Hills Hotel for a friend's birthday. She says she left early. When she left, there was no damage to any room, and she knows nothing about it...The girls are well-traveled, and it doesn't sound like the way they behave in hotels."

Score some points for the publicist; this certainly doesn't sound like MK and Ash's usual hotel behavior. Nowhere in the story does it say that one of the twins refused to touch the room service food while the other one was one the phone with the concierge, berating him for failing to help them score some blow.

Her pals sound smashing [NY Daily News]

Scorned Moglet Hunts For Olsen In LA [Defamer]

Olsen Twins Turn To Horror

Mark — Wed, 08 Dec 2004 16:15:47 PST

As if the Olsen Twins don't already scare the living shit out of you, we've heard a rumor that Mary-Kate and Ashley are in talks to get an adult movie career going by starring in the American remake of the Korean horror flick A Tale of Two Sisters. We think a documentary of their lives at NYU (Oh my God, they're going to THE DINING HALL ON CHILI NIGHT! and Hey, isn't that guy Ash is sucking face with, like, 40 years old?!? etc etc) would've more than filled the public quota for Olsen-related terror, but we'd never try and tell the little chipmunks how to use their summer vacation.

Scorned Moglet Hunts For Olsen In LA [Defamer]

Scorned Moglet Hunts For Olsen In LA

Mark — Tue, 30 Nov 2004 08:35:53 PST

For reasons completely unknowable to anyone who hasn't woken up next to one-half of a birdlike multimillionaire 'tween-entertaining industry, lovelorn moglet David Katzenberg still pines away for his eating-impaired soul-mate, Mary-Kate Olsen. In fact, he was recently spotted here in town, ostensibly trying to stage one of those cute, "accidental" meetings with his ex, the kind that are a staple of romantic comedies and restraining orders both. Instead, the heartsick Katzenberg wound up locked in heated eye-combat with her current paramour.

David , who goes to school in Boston, has come to New York to woo Olsen in the past, and was hoping to run into her last weekend in Los Angeles. But he bumped into her new love, Ali Fatourechi, instead. Our spy says: "They were both at [L.A. eatery] Toast, sitting across from each other at separate tables. They were staring each other down — it was really uncomfortable."

Eventually, Fatouerchi broke eye contact with the simmering Katzenberg. But the confrontation ended amicably when Fatourechi sent his rival a plate of chicken bones as reparation for stealing away his Olsen.

FACEOFF IN L.A. [NY Post]

Mary-Kate Olsen Truancy Report: MK Eats Sushi [Defamer]

Hollywood PrivacyWatch Special Edition: Turkey Day Tippling

Mark — Fri, 26 Nov 2004 10:24:51 PST

A reader's series of celebrity sightings on the eve of Thanksgiving confirms that the famous are just like us: They know that a crippling hangover is a wonderful buffer for all of the family drama that unfolds over a day pounding down turkey.

I was hanging at Guy's last night. I saw lots of tabloid-worthy celebs like the Olsen Twins (sorry girls, you'll always be the Olsen Twins-in town for Turkey Day?), Wes Anderson, Rick Solomon, and less tabloid-worthy Michael Vartan, and Twiggy Ramirez. Oh yeah, Billy Zane was there and I think he was with Kelly Brook but I was so shocked at how small the girl was (who I think was Kelly Brook) that I thought it wasn't her. Anyway, MK, as we all call her, came in, did some texting from her blackberry or something, left, and about 16 minutes later, re-appeared with her twin and some loser guys. Very cheese. Then about 15 minutes later, Ashley (the blond twin), left. Hmmm. They seemed very different - MK is definitely more of a loner.

Go easy on MK, okay? She was probably just dreading a day centered around eating.