defamer photo essay
Will Nicole Richie (shocker!) ultimately wind up just like
that other tabloid favorite who got knocked up a wee early and eventually morphed into a ripped pantyhose-wearing, bathtub-hopping gurney-strapped party girl? As MSNBC reports, Richie is
finding herself torn between the So! Wonderful! life of motherhood and domestic bliss all those parenting magazines assure us is pure happiness, and her former profession as a full-time mischief causer:
"Before Harlow came along, Nicole never had to worry about anything. All she did was party with her friends and go shopping...can't figure out if she's happier when she's home with the baby or hitting the town with her friends..."
We took a look at some photographic evidence to figure out which Nicole looks happiest: party girl or new mommy, after the jump:
More »
wannabes
It's tough to remember (or believe) that once upon a time, Nicole Richie was merely Paris Hilton's
chubby, recently-rehabbed, dread-locked sidekick. She made a name for herself by starting fights in clubs and providing a crude antidote to the far more glamorous Paris during the first season of
The Simple Life. Fast-forward five years later (just like in
Lost!); Richie has managed to outshine Hilton's star status not by doing anything in the way of "work," but instead by transforming into a style icon with a fiance and baby to boot. And lately, Paris
seems to be doing everything in her power to copy her former lesser half's life, from her choices in fashion and boyfriends to her recent and sudden slim-down.
More »
blind items
Not a day goes by without a dozen blind items stirring up rumors about the newest Hollywood heroin addict or closeted anchor with sex swings in his office, but there is one very rare kind of bold face name-less rumor that catches our eye. And it has to do with "celebrity dads," "piercings," and "nether regions." As the
NY Post Just Asks this morning:
Which celebrity dad is just as rebellious as his starlet daughter? The troubled parent wears a ring through a piercing on his nether regions.
After the jump, we present our top five suspects, their odds, and invite you to place your bets.
More »
til the next guy do us part
With news that Paris Hilton is just dying to
plan a "double wedding" with Nicole Richie and baby daddy Joel Madden, we've decided that the heiress has a hard time determining what exactly makes for marriage material. Hilton and Madden's brother Benji haven't even
announced any engagements via blog post yet, but Paris isn't wasting any time daydreaming about matching hers and Nicole's matching wedding gowns and, if we're lucky, an off-key duet of "Stars Are Blind" sung at the altar by the dual vocal powerhouse that is P&N. But at just 26, just how many times has Paris found the man she plans on spending the rest of her beautiful life with? We took a look back at the modern day Liz Taylor in the making:
More »
we are all on drugs
Generation Rx sounded pretty cool when the term was first coined, but now that Paris Hilton, Nicole Richie, Britney and Lindsay have all boarded the Adderall bandwagon, we fear the pill-popping twenty-something crowd has officially snorted the shark. According to reports in both the
New York Daily News and on
abc.com, crushing the little blue pills and snorting them is the oh-so-coolest way to stay skinny, replacing old time faves caffeine, cigs and (if you're adventurous) cocaine. But just as we started hating on all the celebs using the pill-of-the-week to lose weight, we read a bit more about who else in Hollywood is hooked on the jitterbuggy meds. After the jump, learn which highest of highbrow actresses is also suspected of Adderall addiction:
More »
fame game
With Nicole Richie playing house for the next five minutes or so, Kim Kardashian having moved on to mall clothing endorsements and her own show, and sister Nicky entrapped in a brand new anorexia scandal, Paris Hilton has no one to play with. Not even her hypersexual litter of puppies. So she's prepared to do what Britney and Jessica Simpson did before her: pay someone to be her friend. Teaming up with MTV and Ish Entertainment, Paris announced the debut of her next reality show, Paris Hilton's My New BFF, in which 20 lucky boys and girls will prove to Paris that they're capable of being loyal, trustworthy pals who won't try to feel her up or plan porny video attacks mid-party. As Paris herself put it, "[I am looking for] someone I can just trust, someone who's not gonna stab me in the back like has happened a lot in this town, someone I can have fun with." But what does the winner get in exchange?
More »
two women enter, one woman leaves
With hot-headed debates regarding the sales of (People! Exclusive!!) Christina Aguilera's baby blabber cover story in January versus (People! Exclusive!!) Nicole Richie's baby blabber cover last week, the chattering newsies are heatedly trying to get to the bottom of a quasi-intellectual argument about fame and newsstand sales. According to an MSNBC source, the Richie issue "sold more than 1.8 million copies...whereas Aguilera's has sold far less." But why the greater public interest in the ostensibly careerless Richie, as opposed to the Grammy award-winning Aguilera? Apparently, weekly readers like them some knocked up druggies and the weeklies know it:
"She's gone public about being a heroin addict. Her boyfriend is covered in tattoos. By default, she's got the more interesting baby."
More »
richie jr
Casting a star in a Broadway production tends to either bomb disastrously (Julia Roberts in Three Days of Rain, anyone?) or succeed spectacularly (Fantasia in The Color Purple, who killed). So when we heard the news that Nicole Richie is up for the role as Roxie in the long-running Chicago, we got nervous. Sure, she'll bring in the tweens, but can the girl actually sing? We did some investigating on that "debut album" Richie promised her public way back in 2005, and found a scratchy YouTube video featuring one single called "Dandelion" that may or may not have been planned for release. And we're no Simon Cowell, but we predict she'll breeze through "Funny Honey" much more smoothly than cringey-voiced Renee Zellweger did in the Oscar-winning flick. Judge for yourselves after the jump.
More »
oh baby
After shelling out
a reported $1MM to Nicole Richie and That Guy From Good Charlotte,
People unveiled their
Super! Exclusive! Must! Credit! People! baby photos of Harlow Winter Kate Madden today. And something about those droopy eyes and vacant glare do suggest that Joel Madden is indeed the father. Although we don't yet see any resemblance to Mama Nicole, Harlow is definitely packing junk in the...cheeks. But that's a good thing! For a close-up of the just-under-two-month-old sporting the grim expression of someone who knows that their life is going to turn into a True Hollywood Story, click through.
More »
When it comes to getting every last detail concerning Nicole Richie's eating habits, partying habits and exact partying schedule (down to the minute!),
Us Weekly truly is the
Economist of its genre. Reporting that new parents Nicole Richie and Joel Madden attended
"Four Parties in Just Two Days!", the weekly takes gossip hounding to a whole new level. In this one story alone, there are no less than
five time-stamps detailing the duo's every move and remark. For example: "She sipped on a tiny glass of champagne at 1:12 a.m. before heading home to check up on Harlow at 1:48 a.m." Thanks,
Us! Not only were we on the edge of our seat wondering how large her champagne flute was, but the other night at 1:48am, we couldn't sleep without knowing for sure that Harlow Richie Madden was "checked up on." We feel so pacified we're not even gonna step out for our daily stress-relieving smoke break. [
Usmagazine.com]
short ends
· Nicole Richie and That Guy From Good Charlotte had
a bouncing baby girl and, as celebrities are wont to do, gave her two middle names. The diet for both mother and daughter begins tomorrow!
·
I drink your milshake (dot com)!
·
American Psycho gets a
cuddly makeover (via
BWE).
· Ever find yourself wondering what Paris, Britney and Lindsay would do if they used their powers for good instead of evil? Vh1's exceptional
"Celebrity Eye Candy" has the answers. Now if only they had a website!
· Now that it's almost the weekend and you'll finally have some time to kill, take some time to peruse
Slate's Movie Club.
· Jessica Alba like
WHOA!
· And Maila Nurmi, best known as Vampira,
died today at the age of 86. All we know is that Elvira better show her face at her funeral.
uteruswatch
The 200-decibel siren atop Cedars Sinai, which alerts all celebrity tabloid editors within a twenty-five mile radius about breaking celebrity-related medical events taken place within its walls, is currently wailing to signal the imminent arrival of Nicole Richie's baby. "She's going to start pushing soon," said the guy from Good Charlotte who impregnated her; stayed tuned for important overheard updates regarding the exact measurements for her current vaginal dilation. [
UsMagazine.com]
the simple life: maternity ward
At long last, Nicole Richie has lifted the media blackout surrounding her pregnancy by Joel Madden—lead singer of seminal, early-Oughts angst-pop outfit Good Charlotte—giving Access Hollywood's celebrity-baby-obsessed Billy Bush carte blanche to ask the not-burning questions we had zero investment in the answers to.
More »
Were those 82 horrifying minutes of incarceration not punishment enough for expectant mom Nicole Richie? She'll now have to endure 18 months of anti-drunk-driving education, much of which she'll spend sending in the back of the room, rolling her eyes and complaining to a classmate, "
Hell-oooo? Don't these idiots know I was on pot and Vicodin when I drove the wrong way on the 134, not booze? Can you wake me up when we get that part?" [
People]
coming attractions
Hoping to further exploit the seemingly inexhaustible demand for stories about the Denali-jacking, coke-panted, briefly-incarcerated-but- frequently-rehabbed starlets whose misadventures move as much tabloid product as the public can choke down, producer Joe Nasser—you may know him as the mastermind responsible for the upcoming Willa Ford vehicle Anna Nicole—today announces his intention to eventually bring Celebutard: The Motion Picture (inferior working title: Hollywood Brats) to the big screen. Reports the Times:
"It's all about these girls in Hollywood getting into trouble," Nasser said. "You see them all go to jail, you see them get arrested, you see them go through trials and tribulations."
More »
a bone-breaking slap on the wrist explained
If you're anything like us, you slept terribly last night, waking up precisely every 82 minutes in subconscious protest of the bizarrely harsh prison term nonviolent, wrong-way driver Nicole Richie was forced to serve between 3:15 p.m. and 4:17 p.m. early yesterday afternoon. Doing its civic responsibility, the LAT made the Sheriff's Department defend its decision to subject the famous inmate to an intolerable 82 minutes of cruelty, getting a spokesman on the record to claim that anyone in the same circumstance would get similarly brutal treatment:
On Thursday, [Los Angeles County Undersheriff Larry] Waldie said, 143 people facing charges similar to Richie's were freed early — 89 males and 54 females.
More »
Defamer
