Defamer: Nbc

Exclusive: 'My Name Is Earl' Creator Greg Garcia Labels Alec Baldwin An 'Unlikeable, Psychotic Narcissist'

Mark Graham — Thu, 04 Sep 2008 10:40:00 PDT

While we found yesterday's 8,000 word New Yorker profile of Alec Baldwin to be an engrossing (if entirely too long) read, we were able to find one person who was less than impressed by Baldwin's long-winded rants about the perils of being impossibly rich and famous: My Name Is Earl creator/executive producer Greg Garcia. In the piece, not only did Baldwin blast the suits who run NBC's programming and promo departments for "wring(ing) the last drops" out of Thursday night comedy staples like Earl and Scrubs while 30 Rock is treated like a "red-headed stepchild", he also indirectly criticized the quality of said shows by labeling both as "done" and "cooked." Naturally, this irked Garcia, who spoke exclusively with Defamer this morning about his thoughts on his show's performance, 30 Rock's ratings and, of course, Baldwin himself:

"Maybe the reason enough people aren’t watching 30 Rock to make Mr. Baldwin happy is because Alec Baldwin is so unlikable as a person. 30 Rock is a really funny show. And Alec Baldwin is funny as long as someone else is writing his words. When left to his own devices, he sounds like a psychotic narcissist who whines about being rich for 8 pages in The New Yorker."

"Instead of blaming NBC, I think Alec should consider that some people in America may not want to watch a man who cusses out his own 11 year old daughter on a phone message, calling her a “rude thoughtless little pig.” It’s a shame that the people who produce such a funny show have to put up with such a distasteful man on a daily basis. It makes me thankful to have such a wonderful cast on My Name is Earl, a show that is still going strong and has helped bring an audience to 30 Rock over the last few years. You’re welcome, Alec.

Oh, and the reason NBC occasionally puts on an hour-long episode of Earl is because an hour of Earl gets better ratings than an Earl followed by a 30 Rock. It’s called math, stupid."

Huzzah! We've got to admit, nothing warms our cockles like a good ole fashioned catfight between two strong anchors of NBC's Thursday night lineup. We would think that Ben Silverman would be able to bring peace to these warring factions, but then again, it's a crapshoot as to whether or not he's even showing up for work these days. Our only piece of advice at this point is directed to Greg Garcia: if Alec Baldwin decides to ring you up this afternoon, be sure to let that call go straight to voicemail.

PREVIOUSLY: Inside Alec Baldwin: A 'Nudist,' A 'Homosexual,' A Rock Music Aficionado, And a Tormented Soul

Russell Brand Offers Eva Longoria Parker a Water Sports-Soaked Threesome

Kyle Buchanan — Wed, 03 Sep 2008 15:50:32 PDT

When we think of The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, we picture a family-friendly forum where Republican candidates can come to read funny headlines out loud and maybe, finally, meet a real-life black musician. Lately, though, our G-rated suppositions have gone to hell as the lame-duck Leno has regaled the audience with stories about his interest in an underage Jessica Biel and his auto-erotic fantasies involving actress Scarlett Johansson. Into a more ribald chat show, then, does cheeky VMAs host Russell Brand walk — and boy, does he make the most of it:

As he sits on the couch next to guest Eva Longoria Parker, a misheard reference to PETA sends the comedian on a tangent that splashes the audience with sexual offers they've likely never contemplated before bedtime. Bold talk when delivered to a Desperate Housewife, Russell, but we're reserving your comedy credibility until you introduce Miley Cyrus to the concept of a Dutch Oven during this weekend's VMAs.

The Tonight Show

David Letterman Thinks NBC's Late Night Plans Are Just Plain Goofy

Seth — Wed, 03 Sep 2008 09:50:00 PDT

Sitting down with Rolling Stone for a rare interview, David Letterman opened up on his two-step process of alienating and courting some of his most famous guest-emies—towering pop culture figures like Madonna, Oprah, and Richard Simmons—as well as his own plans for retirement. ("I would like to go beyond [my contracted] 2010, not much beyond," he told them.) He was also asked to weigh in on the curious scheduling shift going on at his old network NBC, where top ratings-getter Jay Leno is being forcibly vacated to make room for new The Tonight Show host Conan O'Brien, and his Late Night successor, Jimmy Fallon. No one is more confused about the changes than Letterman:

"Unless I'm misunderstanding something, I don't know why, after the job Jay has done for them, why they would relinquish that," Letterman said, adding, "I have to believe he was not happy about it."

Letterman speculated whether "that's actually what's going to happen," while acknowledging NBC might be too far down the road to retreat. [...]

Letterman, who called O'Brien "a very funny guy," was asked about facing him as the new "Tonight" host. A cautious Letterman said he couldn't predict the outcome.

"It will be weird to see Conan at 11:30, don't you think? Which is not to say he can't succeed, but, no, I don't know what the competition will be like. I hope we're able to do OK."

The late night landscape is hardly recognizable from the one Letterman originally landed his comedy spaceship upon back in the early '80s, lowering its pod doors to release fantastical alien life forms like Larry "Bud" Melman upon America's unwitting insomniacs. Today's audiences have since grown utterly inured to the sight of Conan's masturbating bears and copulating manatees. Pitting these veterans against one another might therefore inspire a competitive Letterman to reach even deeper into his bag of absurdist-stunt-comedy tricks—perhaps with a heavily hyped round of "Will the Former V.P. Candidate In A Bikini Float?" Time will tell.

Letterman wants to go out on his own terms [CNN/AP]
Dave at Peace [Rolling Stone]

Help Wanted: 'Deal Or No Deal' Searching For A New Banker

Mark Graham — Tue, 02 Sep 2008 18:00:00 PDT

· Looks like Ben Silverman isn't the only one who should be updating his resume. After 246 episodes of Deal Or No Deal, last night marked the first time that a contestant took home the million dollar briefcase, which can't be good for The Banker's employment status. Congrats go out to Jessica Robinson but, truth be told, we still don't like her as much as the "I Can Do 200 Of These!" guy. [NBC]
· Just the other week, we finally learned why Christian Bale sounded so hoarse in The Dark Knight. Now, can someone please explain why Bale and Kermit The Frog have never been seen in the same place at the same time before? If only Robert Stack were still alive... [ONTD]
· Finally, a Friedberg/Seltzer production did the impossible. After failing with Meet The Spartans, Date Movie and Epic Movie, Disaster Movie managed to score a perfect 0% rating on Rotten Tomatoes. [Best Week Ever]
· Everyone over at The CW is crowing that they managed to lure 3.4 million viewers into watching Gossip Girl's second season premiere last night. Those sound like good numbers, except when you compare it to the 7.7 million that tuned into TNT's Raising The Bar. Zack Morris will always be cooler than Serena Van Der Woodsen. [TV Week]
· Hey Chauncey, Go Fuck Yourself Buddy: A Mad Men Wishlist. [This Recording]

Is NBC Plotting a Fall Schedule With No Time Slot for Ben Silverman?

Kyle Buchanan — Tue, 02 Sep 2008 10:15:00 PDT

While it's hardly a secret that embattled NBC chief Ben Silverman likes to party, never have his carousing ways received the sort of harsh buzz dealt out this weekend by Nikki Finke, who spent the better part of a blockbuster post detailing how Silverman's antics are about to cost him his job. No, seriously this time! According to a variety of anonymous NBC sources, Silverman is the network's very own Man Who Wasn't There, missing meetings on a regular basis and spending the entire, crucial month of August in Beijing while his colleagues expected him to decamp for a week at most (in all fairness, those Ryan Seacrest remotes weren't going to tape themselves!). However, it seems that the NBC chief's biggest problem is EVP Teri Weinberg, a Silverman protege whose romantic involvement with an NBC showrunner caused upward-failing NBC Universal head Jeff Zucker to step in and terminate that writer's deal:

"Teri just couldn't stay out of their business even though NBC had instructed her for months and months and months to do so," one insider informs me. "Other TV writer/producers began assuming that every decision Teri made was influenced by her relationship with her boyfriend's company. If she didn't buy something of theirs, they complained she was protecting her boyfriend's pitch. The truth is that this appearance of a conflict was really starting to hurt NBC's business."

Finke also provides more salacious details on the Silverman/Ari Emanuel blowup that set industry tongues wagging last May:

For some time, Endeavor talent agency owner Ari Emanuel had been counseling his pal to tone down this over-the-top behavior — even last spring when both men were attending a cancer benefit dinner where Silverman was widely observed "high as a kite". During the fundraiser, Emanuel reminded Silverman that scheduled the very next morning was a big meeting about an important piece of Marvel Studios business between Endeavor and NBC, and Ari warned Ben not to be late. But the next day, Silverman was a no-show. Though Endeavor does 75% of its TV business with NBC, Emanuel didn't hesitate to complain directly to Zucker — and the conversation focused on Silverman's over-indulgence of alcohol and drugs.

...I'm told that NBC is hoping that Silverman jumps before he is pushed. And several sources have information to believe there is every reason that Ben is a short-timer. His contract, like Weinberg's, expires next summer. But already Ben's posse is letting it be known that he may start negotiating his out with an eye to exiting before December. His reasoning, according to insiders, is that, if by some miracle this fall's primetime schedule succeeds, he'd like to go out "a hero".

Only time will tell whether Silverman is allowed to exit the NBC arena like a triumphant American Gladiator, or whether he will be cruelly pushed out and sold for parts like a ratings-challenged Bionic Woman. Sure, there's always that Entourage guest spot to fall back on, but we're starting to worry that the party-hearty NBC chief lacks the time needed to mend his ways. If Silverman can't shape up, we have but this to say: Benji, do not ask for whom the NBC chimes toll. They toll for thee.

MAJOR MESSY NBC SHAKEUP AHEAD: Network Wants To Fire Teri Weinberg & Hopes Ben Silverman Quits Very Soon [Deadline Hollywood Daily]

'Strangers' Sequel '2 Strange 2 Maskier' Gets Greenlight

Seth — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 12:40:00 PDT

· Low-budget suspense movie The Strangers, which managed to pretty effectively scare the crap out of us, is getting a sequel. It promises to cover all the rooms in a house Liv Tyler wasn't chased through by a trio of masked psychopaths in the original. [Variety]
· NBC gives Chuck gets a full-season order, while America's Got Talent—which seems on course to reward a male Britney Spears impersonator $1 million—got a fourth season. [Variety]
· Lonelygirl15 is returning for LG15: The Resistance. Could someone be a doll and fill Aaron Sorkin in on what's happened in the plot until now? [Variety]
· ABC is hot for a comedy pilot from Steven Levitan and Christopher Lloyd that would follow three families as their lives are documented by a Dutch filmmaker. None of the families are Caveman-American, to our knowledge. [THR]
· George Clooney is in negotiations to star in Jason Reitman's adaptation of Walter Kirn's frequent-flyer-mile-addiction novel, Up in the Air, effectively bumping this project up to First Class. (Feel free to use that, THR.) [THR]

Milo Ventimiglia: 'Just Put Tons of Come On My Face. Tons.'

Kyle Buchanan — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 12:20:00 PDT

Now that Heroes has resumed shooting after a strike-truncated, poorly received second season, star Milo Ventimiglia has less time for nachos ("uh-oh!") and more publicity rounds to make. The latest stop on his Heroes redemption tour is gay magazine The Advocate, where Ventimiglia sat down and dished to writer Brandon Voss about his frequent on-screen shirtlessness ("You do start to wonder..."), his friend John Krasinski, and a certain gossip blogger's habit of defacing his paparazzi pictures:

I’m very aware of all the blog sites and the kind way that they’ve treated me. I met Perez Hilton at a Super Bowl party in Miami. He walked past me, and I stopped him and said, “Excuse me. Hey, my name is Milo. You gotta do me a favor: Next time you post a picture of me, just put tons of come on my face. Tons. I mean, load it up.”

While we're sure Hilton will be all too happy to oblige, we can't help but worry that Ventimiglia may have given strike-sapped Heroes creator Tim Kring some unsavory new ideas for the latter half of Season 3. Should the unrated DVD collection contain a Peter Petrelli bukkake scene (with the most disturbing cry of Hiro's "YATTA!" thus far filmed), Ventimiglia will only have brought it on himself — literally.

[Photo Credit: AP]

Big Gay Following: Milo Ventimiglia [The Advocate]

Going for the Bronze: Though NBC's Olympic ...

Kyle Buchanan — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 14:00:00 PDT

Going for the Bronze: Though NBC's Olympic coverage provided the network with television's most watched event anywhere, ever, in the history of the universe, that massive audience hasn't translated into major spikes of interest for NBC's fall shows like Kath & Kim and My Own Worst Enemy. The network spent 65% of its promo time on returning shows (like Lipstick Jungle Lipstick Jungle Lipstick Jungle) but failed to perk awareness for anything but the 80's retread Knight Rider. Still, before NBC shoehorns Michael Phelps into Selma Blair's thong, they've got this bit of recent history to add perspective: the Athens Olympics were used to tout quickly flushed shows like Joey and LAX. Perhaps Kath & Kim will stand on its own merits — that is, as long as they didn't advertise it during the rebellion-inducing beach volleyball marathon. [Variety]

'Juno,' 'Bell,' and 'Lars' Rewarded For Their Dignity

Seth — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 12:30:00 PDT

· The Humanitas Prize has announced its short list: The Diving Bell and The Butterfly, Juno, and Lars and the Real Girl have all been singled out for having explored "the human condition in a way which affirms the dignity of the human person and reveals common humanity." We love those three movies so much, we wish we could just smush them together into one movie: The Diving Lars and the Junofly, a tender story about an alienated youth with "locked-in" syndrome who accidentally impregnates his teenage physical therapist, who's actually a Resusci Annie doll. OK, we'll stop now. [Variety]
· ABC has gone on a pickup feeding frenzy. Ordered to series: Castle, about a horror novelist who solves crimes, The Unusuals, an NYPD cop dramedy starring Amber Tamblyn, Cupid, and—we're sorry, did we just say "an NYPD cop dramedy starring Amber Tamblyn?" We believe we did! And we're damned if we know how we're supposed to feel about that. Oh, what the hell. We're jazzed! [THR]

· The Olympics gives NBC its biggest ratings in years, winning all 17 nights and earning the network an incontinence-inducing $1 billion in advertising revenues. Anyone with a medal gets a show! Just call Jeff Zucker. [Variety]
· Movie download site Jaman.com closed a deal with Lionsgate that would give users access to 100 of their titles for a rental charge, though expect to pay through the nose if you expect to watch 90-minute living painting The Christmas Cottage anywhere around the holidays. [Variety]
·National Lampoon's The Legend of Awesomest Maximus will spoof movies like Gladiator, 300, and Troy. We're not jazzed. [THR]
· Woody Harrelson has signed on for Zombieland, a horror comedy from the guys who brought you cult-classic reality hoax The Joe Schmo Show. We're jazzed again! [THR]

In a Very Special Boardroom, Joe Francis Tells Trump, 'Show Me Your Tits'

Kyle Buchanan — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 13:40:00 PDT

Currently enmeshed in a terrible global conspiracy involving 17-year-old girls, U.S. District Judges, a shadowy cabal of vampires (and most likely the Stonemasons), Girls Gone Wild proprietor Joe Francis is on the hunt for a way to restore his good name — and there's no one more willing to help than Donald Trump. Already the crown prince of magnanimity thanks to his selfless (some might say tear-inducing) bail-out of the beleaguered Ed McMahon, Hollyscoop says that the billionaire and the porn purveyor are set to team up:

NBC is staying mum about the new season of 'The Apprentice,' but Hollyscoop.com has learned exclusively that 'Girls Gone Wild' creator Joe Francis has been added to the lineup.

"I’m doing celebrity apprentice," Francis told Hollyscoop backstage at the Randy Jackson Presents: America's Best Dance Crew.

Earlier this week Donald Trump told Ryan Seacrest that he's been getting calls from stars that want to revive their career. So far it's rumored that Khloe Kardashian, Joan and Melissa Rivers, and Dennis Rodman are going to join Donald's hit show.

Can Francis hope to out-lech last season's contestant Gene Simmons, or will a jailhouse conversion have made him the next Stephen Baldwin? One thing's for sure: we can't wait to see Francis flash those baby teeth at Joan Rivers and Kim Kardashian, convincing them to romp together on a leather couch in a sapphic matchup that's most assuredly of legal age.

Joe Francis To Join Celebrity Apprentice [Hollyscoop]

Impromptu Viewer Rebellion Prompts Reconsideration of Olympic Beach Volleyball

STV — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 13:35:00 PDT

As we take stock of the winding-down Summer Olympics, not every story emerging from Beijing can deal with an upbeat panoply of would-be stars and swimmer abs. There's plenty to improve on for 2012, starting with women's beach volleyball — an athletic travesty so grave that readers of one TV blog have mounted sort of an accidental revolt against its continuation four years from now in London:

Reader Palo on the U.S. athletes: "Too much beach volleyball. NBC would have done even better if they hadn't OVERDOSED with that duo of Kerri Walsh/Misty May on the screen every night during primetime. Some NBC executives probably thought men want their T&A every night. But those women look like the jolly green giants" ...

Reader ML on the nature of the Olympics: "Enough volleyball already! There are other sports and other players worthy of coverage! We're showing our 6-13-yr-old kids old vacation movies at this point since the only alternative is beach volleyball again. What's wrong with NBC?" ...

Reader Kalliope on staying up late to watch key events: "I've watched a lot of beach volleyball, in an attempt to stay awake to watch the events I'm really interested in seeing. I have failed every night thus far ... it's USA women's Misty May-something and her partner what's-her-name. Night-after-night. Have they won yet? At one point I had to check my television because I thought I might have landed on the Beach Volleyball channel" ...

Reader “Family Reunion sports should not be Olympic sports” on Olympic badminton: “WTF is up with sand volleyball and badminton being Olympic sports? Any sports my 75 Grandma can play at my family reunion should not be an Olympic sport. What's next? Horseshoes, Lawn Darts, Croquet? Sack Races? Egg Toss? Memo to NBC: I don't give a darn about Volleyball. PLEASE MAKE IT ALL STOP!!!”

OK — but be patient! Our surefire injunction will be ready by Sunday's telecast, we promise.

NBC commentators vs. volleyball-hating viewers [THR Feed]

Ben Affleck Totally Typecast As Harried Perfumier

Seth — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 12:50:00 PDT

· Ben Affleck will star in Mike Judge's Extract, about the trials and tribulations of "a flower extract factory owner." We know the punchline is "Ow My Essence of Citrus Blossom!" We're just not sure how the rest goes. [Variety]
· The Zurich Film Festival will bestow their highest honor, The Golden Herring, upon the franchise-defibrillating achievements of aging action mercenary, Sylvester Stallone. [Variety]
· NBC Universal has acquired U.K.'s Carnival Film & Television, the first step in their ruddily cherubic child-king's seven-year plan towards world domination. [THR]
· The House Bunny and Legally Blonde writers Karen McCullah Lutz and Kirsten "Kiwi" Smith have sold ABC Studios a script for a potential series based on their "champagne-and-therapy-fueled" creative process. Working title: Set-Ups and the City. (Now who wants a show about our malt-beverage-and-hackery-fueled creative process?) [THR]
· Lifetime ordered six episodes of Blonde Charity Mafia, a documentary series about young fundraising socialites in D.C. Couldn't they have squeezed the word "Sluts" in the title somewhere? That would have really sold it. [Variety]

NBC Wondering If Michael Phelps Wants Ben Silverman's Job

Seth — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 13:35:00 PDT

· NBC commanded an appropriately world-record-breaking ratings win over the other four networks thanks to Michael Phelps and the rest of their Olympics coverage; but CBS's Big Brother managed to hold its own, due in no small part to a competitively themed Drown the Old Guy in Slop episode that tested the outer limits of senior contestant Jerry's will to live. [Variety]
· She lost the weight, she's feeling great, and now she's ready to work: Valerie Bertinelli will return to her sitcom roots with a half-four TBS comedy about a single mom "who struggles to care for two kids and a lumber business." Even more exciting? Bonnie Franklin is in talks to play a stack of two-by-fours! [Variety]
· Fox News Channel is sprucing up its Facebook page with a video clip library, enhanced feedback applications, and anchor status updates alerting you that "Bill O'Reilly is...totally nuts for WALL-E even though he knows he shouldn't be :P!!!" [Variety]
·James McAvoy and Emily Blunt will voice the title gnomes is Gnomio and Juliet, playing starcrossed Travelocity pitchmen from "rival gardens" in a computer-animated Miramax feature. [THR]
·ABC is going forward with Supermanny, a male version of Supernanny, in which bratty problem-children will be dazzled into submission by their new hunky caregiver's rippling abs and dreamy smile. [THR]

[Photo via BWE.tv]

NBC Olympics Site Spotlights Ambiguously Gay Guessing-Game Fun

STV — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 16:15:00 PDT

We'd heard of some unauthorized twaddle going around focusing on the gay undercurrent of the Summer Olympics, but as far as we're concerned, NBC is doing some of most trailblazing work this year by playing out Beijing's homoerotic currency right in the mainstream. Nowhere is it more evident than the network's Olympics Web site, where after a sleek, soaking stretch of Water Cube drama, a new slideshow today invites readers to guess the rippling abs whose owners made it through the historic week that was.

Some are more challenging than others, but not knowing which Australian "recently dropped backstroke to focus on butterfly" or which American "has dominated his best stroke since 2001" (hint: not Michael Phelps!) hardly seems to detract from the guessing-game fun. All that's left now is to determine which of the fledgling Adonises will be first to attempt an unwitting, towel-snapping crossover opposite the latter-day equivalent of Steve Guttenberg and a diving dozen of West Village extras.

(Read more coverage of the 2008 Olympic Games.)

Ab Fab: Guess the Swimmer [NBC]

'Beijing Ben' Silverman Regales Ryan Seacrest With Gay Jokes, NBC Chimes

Kyle Buchanan — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 14:50:00 PDT

He speaks! In the midst of fending off the rumors swirling about his job security, NBC head honcho Ben Silverman has taken time out to become a recurring Olympics correspondent for Ryan Seacrest's morning radio show on KIIS-FM. Broadcasting & Cable has the scoop (not to be missed is Silverman's quip about his Chinese tour guide: "Her name is Fun Fun, so you can imagine how much fun-fun Fun Fun is"), but with the help of Molly McAleer, we've assembled some of Silverman's most enthusiastic moments in the video after the jump. Who knew that Silverman and Seacrest were so well-versed about the gay goings-on in West Hollywood? [Broadcasting & Cable]

Michael Scott to Crack Awkward Racial Joke Following Darryl's Drug Bust

Kyle Buchanan — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 17:20:00 PDT

Though dating Kelly Kapoor could drive any man to self-medicate, never did we think that Darryl from The Office had quite as extensive a stash as his portrayer, Craig Robinson, has been revealed to possess. According to TMZ, Robinson was busted late last month for driving under the influence, and what officers found led them to charge him with two felonies:

TMZ has learned Craig Robinson — Darryl the warehouse guy from "The Office" — was arrested June 29 for possession of a multitude of drugs, including meth and ecstasy.

Cops in Culver City, Calif. say they pulled over a vehicle for a traffic violation and found the drugs and the actor inside the car.

The L.A. County D.A. has charged Craig — who also plays a henchman in "Pineapple Express" — with possession of meth and ecstasy and being under the influence of cocaine, amphetamines and cannabinoids.

While the Pineapple Express tie-in is synergy worthy of an NBC Universal star, we're genuinely bummed to find out this news about one of our favorite scene-stealers. Good luck getting your affairs in order, Craig — it's a good thing Toby from HR was in Costa Rica when this happened.

Office-r Busts "Office" Star for Hardcore Drugs [TMZ]

This Should Help With Those "Party Boy" Rumors: ...

Kyle Buchanan — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 16:30:00 PDT

This Should Help With Those "Party Boy" Rumors: NBC head Ben Silverman, who's never let running a network get in the way of being a party-positive "rock star," will be guesting on the upcoming fifth season of Entourage, says Nikki Finke. What kind of storyline might the HBO brofest have in store for Silverman? We imagine that after sparking up a doob with Vincent at Teddy's, a jealous Johnny Drama will grunt to Turtle, "I want to go hang out with that guy!" Their quest to befriend Silverman will result in a hilarious B-story that ends as all Entourage plotlines do: indifferently, punctuated by loud outbursts from Jeremy Piven. [Deadline Hollywood Daily]

Jeff Zucker: Portrait Of An Upwards-Failing Champion

Seth — Wed, 13 Aug 2008 10:20:00 PDT

What better après-puff-piece aperitif to follow the NY Times's profile of a content-hungry Time Warner than Portfolio's equally attentive servicing of NBC Universal oligarch, Jeff Zucker? Interviewed at his ballroom-sized corner office at 30 Rock, the reporter at first can't resist infantilizing his subject: "Zucker has an appealing, ruddy tint that lends him a cherubic appearance," reads one willies-inducing passage. "When he sits back, his feet actually lift off from the floor a bit, like a boy taking a turn on someone else’s throne." (We'll assume the part that read, "He then soils his diaper, a mess quickly attended to by the youngest and prettiest of his three assistants..." was edited for space.)

But let not his gnome-like stature fool you: Zucker's quick rise to supreme power at the G.E.-held media conglomerate was no upwards-failing accident. This former "captain of his high-school tennis team" applies the same ruthless brutality of his deadly slices and backhands to the business of hacking away the fat hindering a rapidly evolving medium:

Zucker’s most audacious and controversial move was to dramatically slash the number of pilots NBC will produce each season. Instead of about 20, he’s funding about five. [...]

Zucker relishes pointing out that for every 80 pilots made, only eight become shows and just one of those becomes a hit. That ratio, he explains, works only if your hits generate enough money to pay for all those misses. But in today’s fragmented media landscape, that math has broken down, leaving the networks scrambling to monetize their content in new ways, via the Web, DVDs, and digital downloads. [...]

Zucker has come under fire for ditching the pilots, but Ben Silverman, Zucker’s choice to run NBC Television and the man who must implement the new mandate, is diplomatic about its reception in the creative community: “There are moments of loneliness when you are out in front.”

Silverman is right. Like the amazing accomplishments of the U.S. Olympic swim team giving their network its best ratings in two-and-a-half years, sometimes you simply have to revel in the glorious solitude that comes with being a full pool-length ahead of your nearest competitor. (Not ratings-wise, of course—he wouldn't have even qualified if that was the criteria—but for the sheer audacity of his vision.) Yes, for the misunderstood mavericks of TV 2.0, it's merely a matter of confidently zigging while the other guy zags, then sitting down with a glass of 130-year-old Scotch poured over peacock-shaped ice cubes to take in the fruits of your visionary, Antonio Sabato Jr.-on-a-unicycle labors.

Zuckervision [Portfolio]

Tennessee Williams's Formative Gay-Repression Years Subject Of New Biodrama

Seth — Tue, 12 Aug 2008 13:05:00 PDT

· Taylor Hackford is set to direct Tenn, about Tennessee Williams's formative years. It's being financed by the same company that brought you Capote, the second part of their planned Great Sissies of History trilogy that will conclude with the harrowing fitness-empire biodrama, Simmons. [Variety]
· Author Plum Sykes is co-writing a sitcom pilot for NBC called Mogulettes, about young, beautiful she-captains of industry. No one remotely suspects what they're hiding in their pantyhose! [Variety]
· The End of Ideas: We Can't Even Really Be Bothered To Type Out The Rest of This Etc. Etc. Edition: A TV version of The Witches of Eastwick gets a pilot pickup at ABC. [Variety]
· Starz's Vongo and Morgan Freeman's ClickStar both shutter their internet-movie-download operations. [Variety]
· Oh, for the love of God: "CBS is saying aloha to a new installment of the Hawaii Five-O franchise from Criminal Minds exec producer/showrunner Ed Bernero." Aloha means goodbye in this instance, we hope. [THR]

Inside the Fakery of China's Opening Ceremonies: Fireworks, Flubs, and a Lip-Synching Scandal

Kyle Buchanan — Tue, 12 Aug 2008 11:15:00 PDT

They were the Olympic opening ceremonies that wowed the world with their stunning displays of Socialist sophistication— but were they on the level? Allegations are flying that Chinese authorities faked certain parts of the broadcast, even going so far as to replace a singing 7-year-old who organizers deemed not hot enough to serve as the face of young China. Says HuffPo of the last-minute switch:

The real voice behind the tiny, pigtailed girl in the red dress who wowed 91,000 spectators at the National Stadium on opening night really belonged to 7-year-old Yang Peiyi. Her looks apparently failed the cuteness test with officials organizing the ceremony, but Chen said her voice was judged the most beautiful.

Video (and more accusations of Olympic fakery) after the jump:

THR's James Hibberd provides a helpful roundup of allegations, including complaints about NBC's misuse of the "Live" stamp and charges that a beautiful, aerial shot of fireworks was computer-generated, a fact that that commentators danced around:

Accusation: That viewers were misled by the use of CGI fireworks during a sweeping helicopter shot leading up to Bird's Nest National Stadium. Organizers note the fireworks were there, but the footage was created in advance due to the danger of shooting live from a nearby helicopter.

Hurt by the allegations, NBC and Chinese authorities teamed up to release an ominous statement intended to quash dissent, promising, "If more columnists dare to question the magisterial beauty of our Games, we will have no choice but to pull Olympic coverage in favor of wall-to-wall airings of Can't Stop the Music. Xie xie."

'Desperate' Jay Leno Eager To Discover Scarlett Johansson's Car-Related Sexual Fantasies

Mark Graham — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 11:20:00 PDT

Now that Jay Leno has entered the lame duck phase of his relationship with the Peacock network, it appears that he's decided to abuse his position as America's top-rated celebrity interviewer as fuel for his sexual reveries for many moons to come. While interviewing a crestfallen Scarlett Johansson on Friday night about Vicky Christina Barcelona (itself a rather sexually charged subject), noted auto enthusiast Jay figured he'd use the opportunity to engage the voluptuous starlet in some automobile-related foreplay. You see, he had done some research in advance of the chat and discovered that Scarlett told a lad mag that her number one sexual fantasy involved having sex in a car. But while Jay stopped just short of confessing that he has Crash playing on an infinite loop in his 17,000 square foot warehouse / garage, it was clear by reading his clearly flabbergasted guest's face that she's rather looking forward to sitting next to Conan O'Brien the next time she makes her way through Burbank. [The Tonight Show]

WATCH VIDEO

America's Got Not Enough Room In It For Two Drag Queen Talents Is What America Has

Seth — Wed, 06 Aug 2008 17:33:37 PDT

Apparently, NBC has decided to continue going through the paces of finding America's Top Talent-Haver, when clearly feline pretzel-girl Victoria already has this rodeo all sewn up. Still, there's something to be said for adhering to reality show protocol—particularly when tucking royalty struts among us—and so we were more than happy to take in Drag Tina Turner's electrifying semi-final audition, which unfolded with clockwork precision as her main competition, Drag Britney Spears, watched nervously from the wings. Of course, there was only room for one drag finalist; that, unfortunately, went to neither performer, but rather a Victoria impersonator—played by a 55-year-old, four-foot-tall Chinese-American letter carrier from Sioux Falls, SD—who proved as astonishingly flexible as his adorably whiskered inspiration.

Americas Got Talent [NBC]

'Last Comic Standing' Audience Terrorized By Dane Cook Cloning Experiment Gone Horribly Wrong

Kyle Buchanan — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 12:40:57 PDT

In a startling example of accidental domestic terrorism, the CDC announced today a major breach of its "Dane Cook Cloning" program, begun in 1997 when weaponized anthrax was found "simply not annoying enough." Clone DC-01 escaped his holding cell two weeks ago (distinguishable from his progenitor only by his tattooed sleeves), finally appearing in public to try his hand at terrible, terrible stand-up comedy during last night's episode of Last Comic Standing. The experiment was a success. We are all doomed. [NBC]

Diplomatic 'LAT' Alleges That Steve Carell Is Simply 'Too Creepy' To Win An Emmy

Kyle Buchanan — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 10:50:43 PDT

Though Steve Carell is a perennial Emmy nominee for his work on The Office, he's never taken home a trophy of his own (even as the show itself won the Outstanding Comedy Award in 2006). Now, the LAT's easily excitable Tom O'Neill thinks he's nailed the reason why: Carell is just too darn creepy in the role.

Sometimes I'm tempted to dismiss Steve Carell 's shot at winning the Emmy for two reasons. He portrays what we all (including Emmy voters) hate the most — the creepy boss from hell — and he's already lost the race for best comedy actor twice. How can he possibly have any hope now?

While O'Neill goes on to call Carell's Michael Scott, "detestable, "offensive," "awful," and "off-putting" (and don't even get him started on Rainn Wilson's Dwight!) we can't help but quibble with his logic: if Emmy voters were afraid of cringe-inducing comedy, why would Carell be losing out to twitchy performances by Ricky Gervais and Tony Shalhoub? No, we believe Carell's Emmy ignonimy is rooted in a different source: his humid reaction shot at the 2006 ceremony (pictured above). Steve, can you play all the creepy bosses you want to, but never let 'em see you sweat.

Could Steve Carell's creepy role in 'The Office' hurt his Emmy hopes? [LAT]

Is NBC's Ben Silverman About to Be Cancelled?

Kyle Buchanan — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 16:40:00 PDT

A while back, those savvy kids over at New York magazine's Vulture posed the provocative question: "Is Ryan on The Office a thinly veiled Ben Silverman?" In a case of life imitating art imitating life, it looks like Silverman may follow in his fictional wunderkind's footsteps: rumors are flying that the NBC co-chairman is about to be fired. Says Page Six:

Ben Silverman might not last long as co-chairman of NBC Entertainment if the Peacock network's fall schedule doesn't boost its sagging ratings.

Silverman's summer lineup - featuring plenty of reality shows like "Celebrity Circus," "Baby Borrowers," "Nashville Star" and the remake of "American Gladiators" - has been a disappointment.

There is skepticism over NBC's fall lineup, as well. After NBC airs the Beijing Olympics, it's pinning its hopes on a new version of "Knight Rider," "Lipstick Jungle" (which barely got renewed), "My Own Worst Enemy" starring Christian Slater and a US version of Australian sitcom "Kath & Kim" with Molly Shannon and Selma Blair.

"If the fall is as bad as the summer, someone will have to take the blame, and it won't be [NBC chairman and CEO] Jeff Zucker," said one network insider.

Still, the insider promised that if Silverman did have to be fired, they'd at least take a page out of the maestro's playbook and replace him with a high-concept studio head imported from England or Colombia, — or, failing that, they'd simply resurrect something from the 80s. Is the corpse of Brandon Tartikoff still available?

[Photo Credit: Getty Images]

NBC BOSS' 'FALL' FROM GRACE [Page Six]

'America's Got Talent' Impersonator Fools Even World's Foremost Ozzyologist, Sharon Osbourne

Seth — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 14:45:00 PDT

Whether gathering the family 'round to marvel at the sheer Coors-can-devastating force of Busty Heart's exercise-ball-sized melons, or simply gasping in amazement as octuple-jointed youngster Victoria braids her limbs into a human challah bread, you never quite know what form America's talent will take on America's Got Talent. On last night's show, for example, we were treated to that Las Vegas showroom mainstay—the celebrity impersonator—effecting the guise of addled Godfather of Metal, Ozzy Osbourne. So chillingly spot-on was the performance that Ozzy's own wife, Talent judge Sharon Osbourne, admitted not even she could tell the impostor from her own husband. She then insisted he drop his pants and proceeded to examine the contestant thoroughly; satisfied he bore none of Ozzy's distinguishing cigarette burns or The Catheter Bag of Darkness, she was happy to move the doppelganger onto the next round of competition.

America's Got Talent [NBC]

NBC Reportedly Considering Rosie O'Donnell For Jay Leno's Sloppy Primetime Seconds

STV — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 10:45:00 PDT

Amid a summer of great American dogs and semi-scandalous ripoffs of ripoffs, the news that NBC is considering Rosie O'Donnell for a weekly variety show gig should provoke a little more than this dull ache in our frontal lobes. After all, this is a chance for more than just showcasing bad celebrity interviews and performances from the newest, cheapest talent from around the nation; this is an hour-per-week of Hasselbeck payback — in primetime, no less, according to EW.

But there's a catch: NBC's first choice, Jay Leno, has to say no. And that's no sure thing (as elaborated after the jump):

The news comes just as the Peacock is said to be courting exiting Tonight Show host Jay Leno for a similar gig. It's possible O'Donnell's series would be a fallback in case Leno defects to ABC after his late-night reign ends next year (as many expect he will). NBC was unavailable for comment.

The possible NBC-O'Donnell hook-up is particularly ironic in light of the fact that less than a year ago the network's cable news arm, MSNBC, was close to giving the Koosh Ball-lovin' funny lady her own one-hour showcase. But when word of the discussions leaked out before the ink was dry, O'Donnell claimed the network "panicked" and the deal went south.

CBS is also reportedly in the Rosie running, with the comedienne's bald-capped, Lenoesque grilling of Les Moonves rumored to have been spiked at the last minute as the summer TCA confab wound down last week in Beverly Hills. It's for the best, though; when her network relationship turns sour, as it must about three years from now, which net's execs would you rather see her fight publicly? We know where we stand.

Exclusive: NBC Primetime Looking Rosie (O'Donnell) [EW]

Jay Leno Bravely Leaves Hairpiece At Home To Confront His NBC Executioners

Seth — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 10:15:00 PDT

At NBC's TCA press conference yesterday, network co-chairs Ben Silverman and Marc Graboff confirmed their plans to eject Jay Leno from The Tonight Show via jerry-rigged catapult device on May 29, 2009. That gives them only three rushed days to erect a new set and change the dressing room door names from "Kevin Eubanks" to "Masturbating Bear" for the premiere of replacement host, Conan O'Brien. There to press the executives on the questionably motivated decision to fire the highest-rated name in late night (Graboff insisted they'd like to keep Leno at NBC Universal, but give us a break): Leno himself, disguised in a bald wig, goatee, and glasses:

"Now, Brett Favre retired and then wanted to come back, and the Packers said no. What do you make of that?" Leno also asked, alluding to some speculation that NBC might bring him back on "Tonight" and prompting the following response by NBC co-chairman Ben Silverman, "Well, everyone's entitled to change their mind, but I would imagine that puts management in an impossible situation."

Also on Leno's list of questions: "Is it true that you offered Leno a fifth hour on the 'Today' show?"
The stunt, labeled by Graboff as "Jay's homage to Kimmel," didn't play as well the second time, causing more confusion than laughs since, with a bald cap and beard, Leno was all but unrecognizable.

As many have noted already, the stunt was almost identical to one pulled by Jimmy Kimmel last week, differentiated only by the fact that Kimmel's succeeded in making the reporters present laugh, as opposed to just feeling kind of awkward, filling the bloated silence that followed every wounded query by shifting their gazes downward and flipping haphazardly through their notepads. That said, no amount of bald wigs or NFL analogies can appear to save Leno now: The epic late shift is underway. We now merely await inevitable ABC casualty Martin Bashir to try his own riff on the stunt, showing up to TCA in a burqa to press Steve McPherson on the future of Nightline.

NBC finalizes its late shift [THR]

We now have a better idea of how long Jimmy ...

Seth — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 12:00:00 PDT

We now have a better idea of how long Jimmy Fallon will be made to spin in an NBC.com hamster wheel before his big network debut: The Leno/O'Brien passing of the not-entirely-thought-out-torch will occur at the end of May 2009: "Jay Leno will sign off as host of The Tonight Show on May 29, 2009, with Conan O'Brien taking over the storied franchise on Monday, June 1, 2009." Asked for comment on this Jeff Zucker-hunch gone awry (that comes with a reported $40 million penalty fee to O'Brien should they pull out), NBC co-chair Marc Graboff told the TCA, "We made our decision and I'm happy with it. NBC will continue to dominate late-night." [TV Week]

'Late Night' Heir Jimmy Fallon To Have Funny Beaten Into Him Via Online Talk Show

Seth — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 11:35:00 PDT

Maybe it came out of concerns over his tepidly reviewed performance at Just For Laughs, where the straight-faced-challenged former SNL star delivered on the audience's darkest fears with groaner ditties like "You Spit When You Talk" and "Car Wash For Peace." In any case, the strange talent-shuffle scheduled at NBC late night —ratings-leader Jay Leno ejected from his Tonight Show job, Conan O'Brien shuffled in to take his place, and Jimmy Fallon ushered into the post vacated by O'Brien—has become just that much stranger. Dark Canadian comedy overlord Lorne Michaels announced Fallon would cut his teeth with a web-based mini-show leading up to his big gig:

[Michaels] told television reporters here Sunday that he wants Mr. Fallon to work out as many of the rough spots in his presentation as possible in performances on a website.

The web performances will likely begin in the fall, long before the transition from Mr. Leno for Mr. O'Brien is set to take place. The entries will not constitute anything like an entire hour-long show. "I expect that we'll do something like five or 10 minutes," Mr. Michaels said.
But he said they most likely will be on every night, to try to establish the rhythm of a nightly show. And he said, "I'm going to post them at 12:30 every night, so people will begin to look for Jimmy at that time."

The unprecedented step doesn't exactly smell like a vote of confidence. This was, after all, a talent who appeared on live, late night network TV from 1998 to 2004; how much more YouTube-honing does he need? Having come of age in the internet era, however, we really see no reason that Fallon shouldn't benefit from all the smaller-stakes advantages that medium implies. The deceptively difficult art of the interview, for example, is something that takes much practice. If he can sharpen his conversational skills first on the likes of Fat Tron Guy and Cindy Margolis, perhaps he'll be that much better equipped to later shoot the breeze with their A-list counterparts, Jack Black and Sandra Bullock.

Fallon Will Start 'Late Night' on the Web [NY Times]

World's Dozen Remaining TV Critics Gather For One Last Strike-Addled, Blog-Ruined Party

STV — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 17:30:00 PDT

As of today, our fantasy of an exotic lifestyle of TV criticism is officially over — beaten, bloodied and left for dead by Ray Richmond, who compares the debauched good old days of the Television Critics Association press tours to the nearly irrelevant confab starting tomorrow in Beverly Hills. It's the first such event since July 2007, back before last winter's conference was scuttled by the writers strike and mainstream media had begun shearing critics and culture writers from their ranks like slabs of fat.

But these days, it seems, you can't even throw an empty highball glass (or a full one, for that matter, which is way more fun) without hitting some dork fucking around on a computer:

The networks no longer cover anyone's travel and lodging, and the sessions too often devolve into a two-pronged affair: those who are too consumed with their live-blogging to participate in an intelligent discourse and those repping lightweight blogs whose queries are of the trivial, "Have you always been so hot?" variety.
With several major newspapers refusing to send anyone to TCA because of the expense, the registered attendees now feature the likes of BuddyTV.com, Bullz-Eye.com, AfterElton.com, GirlPower.com and Visimag.com. Given the precarious state of print journalism, we're seeing a rapid shift to the online world, and its impact on the quality of TCA attendance — and indeed, its newsworthiness — has grown exponentially.

Thus, Richmond concludes, the end of TCA press tours as we know them and, perhaps, the end of the events altogether: "TCA has made it tough to differentiate a media event from a straight-out promotional tool. ... Given the gathering's longtime value as a setting for the vigorous exchange of ideas and a means for keeping the networks honest, it's a sad day indeed." But honest about what? The quality of steroids on American Gladiators? The temperature of the soul-deadening vacuum where they shoot The Moment of Truth? What ideas are left to exchange, and who wants to spend two-and-a-half swimming in that briny pit? Anyway, the dream is dead — we'll probably never even watch TV again. Thanks for nothing, Ray.

TCA press tour begins as labor dispute looms [THR]

Jumpstart Your Acting Career By Profiting Off The Death Of Tim Russert!

nickm — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 16:35:00 PDT

What took Hollywood so long? Tim Russert died on June 13th and they're only just now announcing plans to make a movie about his life? On July 2nd? Come on, people, that's 19 days. Used to be a movie like that would get announced under a week after the tragedy. Summer must be making everyone lazy.

In any case, we managed to stumble upon a curious casting call on Craigslist which tipped us off to the Russert biopic. The headline reads: "Casting Older Caucasian Woman for Major TV Network Movie." The ad goes on to explain that a "small independent New York based film company is searching for the role of Maureen Orth, the wife of the late Tim Russert. The film will explore the last 24 hours of Russert's life and Golden Globe winner Randy Quaid is set to play the role of Tim Russert."

Well, we certainly can't argue with the choice of Randy Quaid. The two men look as though they were raised in the same womb. But what aspiring actress will tackle the role of Russert's wife? Here's what the producers want: "We're looking to cast an emotionally versatile actress for the role. Should be thin, 40-55, and able to cry on cue." That narrows it down, but don't forward them your resume just yet, Debra Winger. "The network is only interested in working with an unknown, so we will consider any and all women who look the part." Finally an un-famous middle-aged actress is gonna get a break in this town. And all it took was the death of a great newsman.

Casting Older Caucasian Woman for Major TV Network Movie [Craigslist]

Ice-T and Al Roker Turn 'Celebrity Family Feud' Into Their Own Prime-Time Smut Showcase

STV — Wed, 25 Jun 2008 10:30:00 PDT

The state of American game-show relations achieved a dizzying new high Tuesday night when Ice-T, Joan Rivers and their respective broods faced off in a very special episode of Celebrity Family Feud. It hardly seemed a sure thing at first; we doubted Ice and host Al Roker could outdo their tasteful wife-for-hire exchange at the top of the show, or that Rivers could overcome the tremulous, post-Russell Crowe Fucking SlutGate gunshyness in time to produce for a national audience. But the rapper more than picked up the slack in the very first feud, wringing potty-mouthed ignominy from Roker's loaded solicitation, "Name something that's slippery and hard to hold on to." And while we may never know the true degree of Ice's ensuing, bleeped filth or his earlier, "Watch it, Al" threat to Richard Dawson's debauched spiritual heir, the possibility that we could love again after The Moment of Truth was never clearer or more reassuring. [NBC via RedLasso]

Antonio Sabato Jr. Accidentally Kills 'Celebrity Circus' Partner In Contortion Bloodbath

Seth — Thu, 19 Jun 2008 13:00:00 PDT

OK, so that didn't happen. But were you going to watch this video if we billed it as "Antonio Sabato Jr. recreates some of the most famous hood ornaments of all time on NBC's ghetto, circus-themed reality experiment?" Every time we tune into Celebrity Circus, we feel like something really awkward and sad just happened the second before—like that weird French contortionist judge lady just broke the news to Rachel Hunter she has trapeze cancer or something. Everyone's always crying and looking down at the floor and snapping at each other. Then they cut to a training video, and Stacey Dash is sliding into an MRI machine and her Hammock of Death partner is standing in a hospital waiting room, tensely explaining that things don't look good. You get the point. This is not fun! This is nothing like a circus! These Z-list celebrities clearly don't want to be there. Would you really want to told by a panel of circus freaks that you failed to maintain a convincing smile while rotating 360 degrees in a little-person gyroscope? Let's face it—this was a terrible idea. [Celebrity Circus]

Hulu Represents Triumph of Rupert Murdoch Over The People

DroppedCall — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 12:55:00 PDT

Hulu — the NBC-Universal/Fox owned video website that is not so different from the numerous other websites offering full episodes of television shows, is the subject of a fawning, incredulous profile in today's Los Angeles Times. While all of the major networks already offer the bulk of their primetime line-ups for free online, Hulu boldly puts a bunch of it together on one site, thereby saving precious seconds of web surfing time. In an embarrassing display of old media-ness, reporter Scott Collins rhapsodizes over Hulu's "special features."

How do you Hulu? You don't have to pay anything, download a special player or even register your name or e-mail address. The site, which went up in mid-March, is free; in exchange for watching relatively brief ads, you get access to complete high-resolution episodes of top TV series such as "24" and "30 Rock," as well as impressively cataloged clips from "Saturday Night Live" and other shows.

Wow. Imagine how excited he'll be when he finds out about BitTorrent. Jests aside, Hulu may not seem like much of an innovation to anyone with more than a passing familiarity with the internet. But according to Collins, Hulu represents the next step in Rupert Murdoch's plan to rule the world. Hulu's innovation is not what it can do — it's what it can't do.

As countless media pundits have informed us over the years, the internet has democratized media, allowing any kid with a webcam to become famous by posting video of himself humping an ottoman or crying about Britney Spears. Almost every video site from funnyordie to VEOH allows people to post their own work. Not Hulu. It's "professional" video only. No Chocolate Rain allowed here!

Its rivals think that's a bad idea. Said Dmitry Shapiro, VEOH's founder,

"That's how the Internet was built; everyone participates," Shapiro said in an interview. "That is really the complete opposite of what Hulu is based on," he added, because Hulu doesn't allow users to post their own video. "Closed systems don't work on the Internet."

The Hulu-worshipping Collins quickly revealed the fallacy of his argument, leaving Shapiro stammering.

(When I raised the example of Apple's iTunes music and video store as a type of closed system that's done quite well, Shapiro dismissed it as "an anomaly.")

Meanwhile, in his castle, Murdoch looked at Hulu's impressive stats (63 million total streams during April, good for 10th best on the Internet) and cackled with glee. He rubbed his claws together, in eager anticipation of the day when everything on the internet would be created by his minions.

Where TV and the Web converge, there is Hulu [LAT]

Despite Best Efforts Of Stacey Dash, 'Celebrity Circus' Lacking Spirit Of Circusness

Mark Graham — Thu, 12 Jun 2008 17:40:00 PDT

While we never expected Celebrity Circus to be a magical panacea that would cure us from the premature onset of the summer television doldrums, it's fair to say that we here at Defamer HQ were all more than a little bit pumped to watch last night's premiere. After all, as proud Gen Xers, we have fond, kitsch-filled memories of watching Lynda Carter dodge knives and William "The Greatest American Hero" Katt rock the shit out of the Giant Wheel Of Death. So when perfect '80s-storm plundering Ben Silverman announced plans earlier this year that NBC would be airing the show, we marked and calendars and began dusting off our bean bags and hot air popcorn poppers in preparation for what we thought was going to be an awesome night of television. But much to our dismay, our dreams were shattered when we found out that Celebrity Circus wasn't a one-time event where everyone comes together to celebrate the spirit of, well, circusness. Rather, we were hoodwinked into watching yet another entry in the tiresome reality "competition" genre, filled with yet another panel of judges with distracting accents and/or speech impediments. What a drag.

That said, big ups (do the kids still say that?) to the 4442-year-old Stacey Dash, who looks like she hasn't aged a day since Clueless (that's more than we can say for Alicia Silverstone). Sure, our sister blog Jezebel thinks that her can-do spirit in the face of broken ribs had more to do with money than competitive desire, after watching her bungee trapeze routine, we prefer to think of her as having the heart of a champion (not to mention the body of goddess). If we didn't have such strong opposition to yet another show filled with judges with questionable qualifications —who was that lispy yet flexible French woman, anyway?— we would tune in again next week to see how she does. Speaking of judges, if you're looking to find judges to sit alongside American Anthem himself, at least have them be named Barnum and/or Bailey. And one day, when we find ourselves turned away from the pearly gates for the nefarious actions that we have committed in the name of blogs, we fully expect to see NBC shill-for-hire Joey Fatone working as a maître d' in the Seventh Circle Of Hell's karoake bar. Nevermore, quoth the elephant trainer, nevermore!

Celebrity Circus [NBC]

A Complete List Of The 'Celebrity Circus' Dead And Wounded

Seth — Tue, 10 Jun 2008 17:45:58 PDT

If you, like us, have been making involuntary smacking sounds in anticipation of tomorrow's premiere of Celebrity Circus—NBC's marriage of two separately wonderful things into a third, exponentially more wonderful thing—then this amuse bouche from the NY Post detailing the cast's various injuries and near-brushes with tiger-swat death is almost certainly going to get your salivary glands doing double-time:

Christopher Knight fractured his forearm while practicing with the German Wheel, a giant disc he failed to control. Stacey Dash cracked three ribs climbing "the silks," a length of fabric suspended 30 feet in the air.

And during a rehearsal, Olympic swimmer Janet Evans fell 15 feet from a trapeze. Evans also caused a wardrobe malfunction for her female partner when her fishnet stockings got caught on her partner's top and pulled it down. "She was completely exposed to the cast and crew," said our spy. "Janet was trying to help her. That's when she lost her balance and fell." The injured were quickly taken care of. The show, which premieres tomorrow, provides the "highest safety measures," said our insider.

Before it even has a chance to air, the casualty-count for Circus already approaches that of NBC's other Ben Silverman-championed arena bloodsport, American Gladiators. One crucial difference, however, is that the celebrity element makes it a lot trickier to simply have a director shout "Cut!" after an ill-fated contestant takes a fatal, spine-snapping fall from a high platform, their lifeless body swiftly disposed of via P.A.-manned wheelbarrow as the home audience remains blissfully none the wiser.

CIRCUS STUNTS [Page Six]

NBC Time Warner Still A Faraway, Corporate Media Monolith Dream

Seth — Tue, 10 Jun 2008 09:25:00 PDT

Time Warner is in many ways a self-sustaining media ecosystem: Their intermittently functioning cable networks and motion pictures wing create celebrities and cultural trends, which then wind up on the covers of their top-tier glossies, migrate online via their internet porthole AOL, and eventually float amidst the other sewage runoff filtered by bad-seed web-holding, TMZ, at which point the entire cycle begins anew. The only pie Time Warner has yet to stick a chubby little finger into is the business of network TV, and recent rumors have indeed suggested that they were hungrily circling NBC Universal. Addressing a media conference yesterday, CEO Jeff Bewkes issued a standard non-denial denial:

Time Warner CEO Jeff Bewkes said Monday the media giant has "no agenda" regarding the acquisition of a television network, despite renewed speculation over a possible hook-up with NBC Universal.

"All of us are wondering what will happen to the networks," Bewkes said at a media conference in Gotham. As for NBC, "We'd have a look at that if and when it came up."

"If and when" Universal would be willing to part with their attractive NBC media-holdings portfolio—encompassing a wide array of gladiatorial and celebrity-trapeze entertainments, plus the talent-show-judging services of David Hasselhoff—we're all but certain a merger-hungry Time Warner will be there to swoop in with an extremely generous number, plus some sketched-out logo ideas for the newly rechristened NBC Time Warner Telemundo Television iVillage Bravo Studios. © Time Warner 2008. All Rights Reserved.

Time Warner dispels NBC rumor [Variety]

VH1 Rolls The Dice With New Unknown Actress Reality Show, But Does The 'I Wanna Be A Big Stah!' Format Work Anymore?

Molly Friedman — Mon, 09 Jun 2008 14:45:00 PDT

Here we go again! VH1 (who else?) has just greenlit Scream Queens, a reality show in which 10 unknown actresses desperate to be the next Jamie Lee Curtis or Janet Leigh will compete for a starring role in an upcoming “major” Lionsgate film. And boy are they excited — one Lionsgate rep tells THR that “discovering new talent is always exciting,” while another chimes in by teaching us that “VH1 has had a tremendous track record in launching alternative programming that captures viewers' imaginations.” Yes, yes it does! Our brains have been expanded by Viacom's ongoing carnival featuring women degrading themselves in hot tubs and music execs attempting to Make A Band, Any Band Will Do quarter after quarter. But with a reputable horror studio behind Scream Queens and the fact that scary movies have launched more than a few major careers, this one may put its You’re The One That I Want and It Factor predecessors to shame. We look back at five recent Next Big Thing reality shows in an effort to place our bets:

Show: On The Lot, 2007
Network: Fox
Wizards: Steven Spielberg and Mark Burnett, producers. Carrie Fisher, Garry Marshall, and Brett Ratner, judges.
Fate: Lasting only one season, the extremely low-rated show pitted unknown directors against one another based on three-minute film submissions. Despite winner Will Bigham's "directing" aspirations, Will is currently and unsurprisingly pounding the pavement as a (still-unknown) actor.

Project Greenlight, 2001-05:
Network: HBO (two seasons), Bravo (one season)
Wizards: Alex Keledjian and Eli Holzman, creators. Matt Damon, Ben Affleck, and Chris Moore, producers, backed by Miramax Films and LivePlanet.
Fate: HBO dumped the series to Bravo after two seasons in which the winning screenwriters' films each grossed under $300k in national releases. Bravo's winning duo turned out the little-remembered horror movie (oops) Feast that, despite the best efforts of GULAGER, went quickly to limited release, and even more quickly to DVD.

Grease: You're The One That I Want, 2007
Network: NBC
Wizards: BBC fashioned the US show after Andrew Lloyd Webber's successful format for casting Broadway unknowns in How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria? in the UK. Billy Bush hosted.
Fate: As with so many series borrowed by the Brits, NBC's gamble followed in the footsteps of The Office and American Idol, turning out big ratings and even bigger interest (at first) on Broadway once the winning leads took the stage.

It Factor, 2002
Network: Bravo
Wizards: Nicole Torre, Alice Peck, producers.
Fate: Though the show lasted just two seasons, the documentary following actors trying to get their big break did turn out two working stars. Sure, one got a gig as a 7Up spokesman, but Michaela Conlin went on to become a regular on Bones.

Show:Fight For Fame, 2005
Network: E!
Wizards: Adam Lieblein and Greg Meyer, producers and Acme agents.
Fate: Another documentary-style program, featuring five wannabe actors competing for a deal with Acme, the show suffered due to a boring format (monologues began each episode) and predictably low interested in real-agents-as-stars. Had Ari Emanuel been in charge, it would have been another story. The SF Gate summarized the one-season snoozer by including it in a piece entitled "Some Shows So Bad You Can't Be Paid To Watch."

VH1 GREENLIGHTS 'SCREAM QUEENS' [THR]