Defamer

Posts Tagged “

Natalie Portman

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defamer decides 2008

Activist Jonah Hill Has 19 Kids, 'Never Used Abortion Once'

Having already given up any hope of Jessica Alba and Hayden Panitierre's muzzled tryst persuading young people to get out the vote, Leonardo DiCaprio's Appian Way Productions this week corralled an ensemble including Natalie Portman, Ashton Kutcher, Forest Whitaker, Dustin Hoffman, Halle Berry and scads of others to keep up the fight via reverse psychology. "Don't vote," they implore to America's youth, none more so than Jonah Hill, whose exhortations "The economy's in the toilet. Who gives a shit? I don't care — I've got so much money" and "I've never fought a war on drugs; I've never done shit on drugs besides played Halo 2" have stirred nearly 300,000 viewers since yesterday. We pass it along to you (after the jump) as a public service of our own whether you've already heard the message or plan to vote or not, if only because it never gets old hearing Hill share such intimate ideology. Particularly the part about his 19 kids — who knew? [YouTube] More »

1:55 PM on Fri Oct 3 2008
By STV
3,136 views, 17 comments

Latest by Huge Tracts of Land: Oh celebrities are tellin' me my business again! Shut the hell up pretty people. I pay you to act like Spiderman and tell funny jokes and wear colorful superhero tights, not inform me about how democracy works, you tight-faced affluent dicklicks. Whoah sorry. I just got super angry thar. more »

the naked truth

Natalie Portman's Ex Not Afraid to Show Off the NSFW Bits She'll Be Missing

Until their recent breakup, the unlikely pairing of actress Natalie Portman with scruffy, Manson-resembling troubadour Devendra Banhart had people asking, "What exactly does she see in him?" We tried to explain that starlets love themselves some hairy hippies, but still, the naysayers would not be deterred. Now, Banhart may have provided some insight into the matter with the album art for his upcoming side project, Megapuss. Baring all in a very, very NSFW manner, the folk singer shows off what had until recently been the sole property of one Queen Amidala: More »

1:15 PM on Fri Sep 26 2008
By Kyle Buchanan
8,684 views, 11 comments

Latest by piggythewonderdog: show-ers, not grow-ers? more »

BREAKING! Natalie Portman Hippie-Free! After six months at Devendra Banhart's aromatic side, Natalie Portman is reportedly making a clean break from her hirsute paramour's patchouli-stinking grip. "Natalie and Devendra will remain friends but need some space and time away," a Banhart source says, but our own spies near Portman's New York base insist the actress will begin washing that man right out of her hair — after a V For Vendetta-style shearing and 48-hour delousing quarantine, naturally. Welcome back, Nat! [ITW]

19 comments

regret the error

Harsh 'Variety' Editors Take Official Stand on Natalie Portman's Acting Skills

All she wanted to do was direct, and now look: The gang at Variety all but scoffed today at Natalie Portman's forthcoming feature helming debut, scare-quoting an implicit vote of no confidence in the job she has now. But she'll show the "trade paper" yet, with her short-film bow on the the way in the omnibus New York, I Love You and more outstanding performances to come in 2009. Seriously — this is an Oscar nominee! Have they not seen Closer? Or that film she did years ago with Luc Besson? Oh. Wait. [Variety]

4:45 PM on Fri Sep 12 2008
By STV
2,318 views, 7 comments

Latest by CakeAndDeath: I loved Portman's acting skills in "Closer". Love it every night (bottle of lotion close at hand) in fact. more »

the end of ideas

Natalie Portman Turns Scream Queen: An 'End of Ideas' Roundup

Another day, another windfall of remakes, updates and adaptations requiring attention on our End of Ideas scorecard. It could be worse, we suppose, than Natalie Portman allegedly signing on for a graphic horror re-do, or yet another movie-to-TV serialization that could possibly make Dennis Hopper's own new show a folly in comparison. Even staffers at the LA Times are getting in on the recycling act today. It's never been hotter!

But we're not here to cast aspersions, we're just here to handicap. As such, read on for your irregularly occurring guide to the latest in retreads — and their varying chances for winning us over.

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12:10 PM on Thu Aug 7 2008
By STV
2,415 views, 23 comments

Latest by robotsattack: Natalie. Portman. Cant. Act. Her. Way. Out. Of. A. Paper. Bag. ALSO- why does Hollywood insist on butchering our classics? What next? A remake of Psycho? Oh, wait. more »

Defamer Top Ten

Ten Hairy Hippies That Do Inexplicably Well With The Ladies

They're one of Hollywood's most glorious odd couples: pixie dream girl Natalie Portman and Manson-resembling folk singer Devendra Banhart. Still, despite the fact that Portman was game enough to appear as an octopus in one of Banhart's videos, she still can't seem to shake those naysayers clucking, "Is she really going out with him?" She is — and she's hardly the first fresh-scrubbed starlet to fall for a charming, soap-eschewing bohemian. With the help of Molly McAleer, we've put together a Top Ten list of the world's most loved-up hippie womanizers. Is it their devil-may-care facial hair, their free love attitudes, or their penchant for sharing necklaces that draws in Hollywood's most beautiful ingenues? Burn some incense and meditate on the subject — we'll be out back crafting a swingset made of hemp and spit. More »

12:30 PM on Wed Aug 6 2008
By Kyle Buchanan
23,543 views, 54 comments

Latest by bugupit: I think Chris Robinson is the only real deal here (other than Jesus, of course). Also: I believe Dave Navarro has had pubic hair grafted to his chin. Ugh. more »

Tantric Tentacles

Natalie Portman And 'Ratty-Assed' Boyfriend Invite You Into Their Trippy 'Tantric Revelry'

Feel like crying today? Great! Thanks to Natalie Portman, queen of bizarre short films that never fail to please, a new music video collaboration with her homeless-but-hot folk singer boyfriend Devendra Banhart will bring on the tears. Whether they’re from fits of laughter or rage, we can’t say for sure. What we do know? This acid trip of a video starring Natalie as Princess Carmensita and Devendra as her “ratty-assed Compadré,” whose impressive Harry Potter treasure trail peeks out from various loincloths, might just be the best short Natalie has ever been in. Sure, her Gangsta Rap on SNL was epic (“All the kids lookin’ up to me can suck my dick!”), her bare butt saved Hotel Chevalier from putting us to sleep, and the best short film from Paris, Je T’Aime featured Natalie in one of the most romantic visions of Paris we’ve seen to date. But can any of these compare to killer snakes flying out of her eyes, demon avatars best viewed while stoned, or watching Natalie transform herself into an octopus, whose tentacles Devendra “entangles himself in”? Watch this truly bizarre video after the jump.

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11:45 AM on Tue Jul 22 2008
By Molly Friedman
6,674 views, 22 comments

Latest by Null.Aleph: Makes me thing longingly of King David and what he did to Bathsheba's husband Uriah. Would be a proper fate for this weenus. more »

Girls On Girls

Keira Knightley And Sienna Miller Latest Stars To Jump On Lesbian Chic Bandwagon

One of the only good things to come out of this year's The Other Boleyn Girl was a tough lesson in public relations for young actresses. As leading ladies Natalie Portman and Scarlett Johansson took their quasi-lesbian chic press tour from S&M magazine covers to poufy-lipped faux-kisses on red carpets, the period piece will sadly be remembered only for those posters shoving Scarlett’s mushy cleavage in America’s collective face. But the British version of Nat/ScarJo is still trying ever so hard to emulate the strategy, getting cheeky at film festivals, hugging one another just this shy of arousingly, and yes, even copying the original pair’s near-miss-kiss in public. Some visual examples, and why this admittedly less voluptuous and curvy duo may succeed where the corset-strapped Boleyns failed, after the jump. More »

3:00 PM on Thu Jun 19 2008
By Molly Friedman
5,217 views, 10 comments

Latest by raincoaster: This looks awesome for Welsh lesbian wellie fetishists. more »

animal farm

PETA's Nominees For Sexiest Male Vegetarian Could Use Some Meat

Those adorably violent animal lovers over at PETA have temporarily ceased from attacking fur-toting starlets with tomatoes to round up their nominees for this year’s Sexiest Vegetarian award. And judging by the list of potential winners, it seems that granola-loving male celebrities are seriously lacking in the “sexy” department as compared to their female counterparts. Herbivores like Naomi Watts and Natalie Portman are listed among the ladies, whereas guyliner fans, racist talk show hosts and '80s heartthrob-turned-has-beens make up the majority of the male contenders. We take a closer look at the uneven distribution after the jump. More »

1:20 PM on Mon May 19 2008
By Molly Friedman
4,224 views, 18 comments

Latest by raincoaster: @friendslikeJimRome: Well, duh, they don't swallow! more »

a call to the bullpen

Who's Touching Me?

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