Katy Perry is apparently working on finding a female celeb to kiss during this year's live telecast of the awards show on Sept. 7.

Who does MTV want to match her up with?

Lindsay Lohan!

"Producers are really working hard on it," a source exclusively reveals to me. "They'd love it to be Lindsay, and they're actually going to ask."

And, should the "gone gay" Lohan demur, who else can producers hope to pair with Perry (a latter-day Jane Child, who, it must be noted, has never actually kissed a girl)? Why, how about Scarlett Johansson, whose infamous Vicky Cristina Barcelona kiss with Penelope Cruz has already sparked a cottage industry of salacious blog entries and website promotions? Sure, she's a little busy with Obama right now, but can Scar-Jo really deny the public — and Kanye — what they want?

[Photo Credit: AP]

• Wanted: Female Celebrity to Kiss Katy Perry! [E!]

• WATCH VIDEO

• The Hills

Heidi Montag: $65,000 per episode ($1.25 million per year)
Spencer Pratt: $65,000 per episode ($1.25 million per year)
Audrina Patridge: $35,000 per episode ($665,000 annually)
Whitney Port: $20,000 per episode ($380,000 per season)
Brody Jenner: $10,000 per episode ($190,000 a year)
Lauren “Lo” Bosworth: $10,000 per episode ($190,000 for The Hills Season 4)
Stephanie Pratt: $8,000 per episode ($152,000 for The Hills Season 4)

Congratulations to fledgling villainess Lo, who has finally reached the "Brody Jenner threshold" that separates the wannabes from the bros. Audrina, too, has seen her rift with Lauren pay dividends; we hope that with the extra cash on hand, she will finally be able to afford more Dermalogica face cleanser, then the toner, and then Active Moist the moisturizer. Only Whitney's salary disappoints — though we've always found her pulled faces priceless, apparently to MTV, each shocked expression is worth less than the time it takes to comb Spencer Pratt's abominable snow-mustache.

[photo credit: AP]

• MTV “The Hills” Salary Dispute: “The Hills” Salaries Revealed [PopCrunch]

1. Revamp Daria for the Hills crowd: By spotlighting Daria's popular sister Quinn, the show could be retrofitted to attract iconoclasts and super sweet sixteens alike! As commenter Jill Tyrrell said, "They could totally put Daria back in syndication on MTV, and re-name it Quinn or Fashion Club. It'd be like The Hills, in cartoon form! All the LC-Conradettes out there would go crazy for it. 'I love Quinn! She is lyk soooooo awesome! I soooo wanna be in the Fashion Club! But why is that four-eyed lesbo bitch Daria always being to mean to her????'"

2. Hire new casting directors for The Real World: Commenter Antonella fondly recalled that in its early seasons, The Real World "was less about drunken hook ups at celebutard wannabes and more about...well, real people." MTV has proven that ordinary people can still be compelling — just check out the gangly, awkward teens of The Paper — so why does The Real World have to be cast exclusively with musclebound meatheads who can hold a barbell longer than they can hold our interest?

3. Don't Be Bashful About Stoking Nostalgia: VH1 Classic is all well and good, but how about this suggestion from Dave J.: "They should have a 'MTV: Origins' channel or whatever, and only show original programming from back in the day (pre-Real World) and actual music videos from start to finish, and then see how it does ratings wise vs. the actual MTV. It probably wouldn't do as well, but I bet it would do better than Viacom thinks." Dave, anything that might presage a Sifl & Olly revival is OK by us.

4. Leave music video commentary to the professionals: Virtually the only time you're assured of seeing music videos on MTV is during the show FNMTV, which premieres the videos alongside instant viewer feedback sent from MTV.com. While that's all well and good, the peanut gallery isn't likely to provide masterfully crafted insults a la Julie Brown or Beavis & Butthead. Commenter derby reminded us of the amazing special MTV Lame, when a countdown of the network's worst videos ever was hosted by a dream team of comedy including Jon Stewart, Janeane Garofalo, Denis Leary, and Chris Kattan. FNMTV may be interactive, but only on a special like MTV Lame can you see Vanilla Ice menace Jon Stewart with a baseball bat.

5. Begin a Lionel Richie channel: Could it be that MTV had the means to their salvation all along? As floated by crescentia and seconded by 30f, a Lionel Richie channel (with marathon reruns of the music video for "Hello") could be an epic ratings win. Hey, it would at least outdraw Buzzin'.

• PREVIOUSLY: 7 MTV-Defining Stars Who Wouldn't Be Allowed on MTV Anymore [Defamer]

Pedro Zamora: Before The Real World became principally concerned with two things (castmate hookups, and acting as a feeder for the better-rated Challenges), it was filled with the sort of people who had never been seen on TV before — something reality TV can excel at, if it wants to. One of those people was Pedro Zamora, a gay, HIV-positive educator who died the day after his last episode aired on MTV. No less than President Clinton praised Zamora for giving the country a personal look into those living with the disease.

Why He Wouldn't Be Allowed on MTV Now: Who would he be able to hook up with?

Daria: It's hard to imagine, but MTV used to relate more to outcasts than potential prom kings and queens — and there was no one more acerbic than Daria Morgendorffer.

Why She Wouldn't Be Allowed on MTV Now: Not willing to make out with other girls.

Julie Brown: No, not the VJ famous for saying "Wubba Wubba," but the comedienne who hosted the outlandish Just Say Julie from 1989 to 1992. Absolutely everything on the network was fair game to her (long before Beavis & Butthead, she was playing music videos just to mock them), and she satirized sacred cows like Madonna and her own Valley Girl image with impunity.

Why She Wouldn't Be Allowed on MTV Now: According to this site, Brown was born in 1954, which meant she turned 35 during the first season of her show. 35! Can you even imagine MTV handing a show to a 35 year-old woman now? They'd sooner give the VMAs back to the Wayans brothers.

Tabitha Soren: It may be hard to believe, but there was a point when the MTV News reporter pictured above was derided as nothing more than a shameless attempt to sex up the news. Nowadays, even your local news anchor resembles Jenna Jameson.

Why She Wouldn't Be Allowed on MTV Now: Only male news personalities are allowed to grow old gracefully on MTV. And by "gracefully," we mean that despite pushing fifty, they are expected to dye their hair and dress like members of Good Charlotte.

Kurt Cobain: The frontman of Nirvana ushered in an age devoid of pop singers and boybands, where nerdy, unconventional acts like Radiohead and Bjork were given common rotation for their groundbreaking videos.

Why He Wouldn't Be Allowed on MTV Now: It's hard to break out as a music video star when you're relegated to 30-second clips playing alongside the end credits for Run's House.

The Kabel typeface: There may be nothing better associated with MTV than this iconic typeface, which was used to intro and outro every single video (and was phased out last year).

Why It Wouldn't Be Allowed on MTV Now: No more videos to intro and outro. Which brings us to our last item...

Music Videos: When Justin Timberlake won an award at last year's VMAs, he finished his MTV-dissecting speech by yelling, "Play more damn videos!" Sorry Justin, you're going to have to get your music videos the same way the rest of us do now: on YouTube, at 3am, after a drunken search for Arrested Development's "Tennessee" ends with a lonely, mangled singalong.

"Anything more than 25 pounds in 12 weeks is really over-stepping the boundaries," said obesity expert Keith Ayoob of the show's promise to help the aspiring models lose as much as 80 pounds in three months.

..."MTV is looking for girls willing to shed the pounds (30-80 lbs), become a model and win $100,000!" reads the casting call announcement on MTV's Web site.

"We are looking for girls with a great attitude, a pretty face and the endurance to sweat off the pounds during a 3 month boot camp style show," the announcement reads.

In other, vaguely related news, Ish Entertainment has announced its plans to shoot a UK version of the upcoming Paris Hilton's New BFF, a reality competition that debuts on MTV next month and stars the stick-thin socialite. We eagerly look forward to a crossover episode where Hilton coaches the wannabe models on their best purging techniques, bestowing on only one lucky girl a murmured, vomit-stained "Loves it."

• To Get on MTV's Runway, Lose Weight [ABC News]

"Overdosin'" is about "when you fall in love with someone... and [you're] just overdosing off of their love," she said on Ryan Seacrest's KIIS-FM morning show.

However, according to Us readers, the song is about something else entirely: the chance for commenters to construct a play on words using nothing but the title of the song! To wit:

Whoever wrote that song was overdosing on something.

overdosin' on stupidness

i agree this song and all of her other songs make me want to overdose too!!

Her canny strategy to generate blog comments now vindicated, Montag immediately went to work on her next single: "Overdosin' 2: Boobs, Fights & Sex Boogaloo!"

• Listen to Heidi Montag's New Song [Us]

DEFAMER: Russell, since American audiences are still becoming familiar with you, we wanted to see how familiar you are with the tastes of the American audience.
RUSSELL: Right.
DEFAMER: So we're going to give you the Defamer American Pop Culture Literacy Test. I'm just going to throw out famous names and you tell me whether you know them and what your take is on each.
RUSSELL: OK!

DEFAMER: We'll start out easy before we get a little more obscure. Here's a gimme: Lindsay Lohan.
RUSSELL: Lindsay Lohan is an actress. I believe she was in a Herbie film? She's become notorious for her off-stage and -screen exploits and her tabloid lifestyle. I believe she has been connected to drugs, sauciness, and sexiness in equal measure, though she seems like a nice girl to me.
DEFAMER: She does love the Brits. She had a British boyfriend, and now she's got a British girlfriend.
RUSSELL: Her girlfriend is British?!
DEFAMER: Yeah, Samantha Ronson.
RUSSELL: That's fantastic! I'd like to take this opportunity to thank Lindsay Lohan for her promotion of English sex.
DEFAMER: Here's another easy one: Amy Winehouse.
RUSSELL: Amy has been on several of my television shows in the United Kingdom. She's a very talented and beautiful girl and in my house, to this day, I have a Mexican doll that for a while lived in her hair.
DEFAMER: [laughs]
RUSSELL: You know those Mexican worry dolls? Or maybe they're Colombian. You sort of tell it your worries. She took it out of her hair once, gave it to me, and I treasure that little worry doll.
DEFAMER: Who wouldn't? OK, we're going to get a little harder. Zac Efron.
RUSSELL: Zac Efron is from High School Musical. Now whilst I've not seen this, because I don't think I belong to its target demographic, I recognize that it's a significant thing. It's sort of like this generation's Grease.
DEFAMER: Lil' Wayne.
RUSSELL: Lil' Wayne is a hip-hop artist and rapper, dreadlocked, with teardrops tattooed on his face. He is also known as "Weezy," and this is not because he is asthmatic. He seems to me to be a terrific poet.
DEFAMER: Somebody's been studying his Wikipedia!
RUSSELL: Good, wasn't it?
DEFAMER: Yeah, not bad!
RUSSELL: I haven't done any Wikipedia studies. I just happen to have an interest in Lil' Wayne, because I think he ignores a lot of copyright stuff to sort of rap over it. I think he's a pioneer.
DEFAMER: Miley Cyrus.
RUSSELL: Miley Cyrus is the teenager daughter of "Achy Breaky Heart" singer Billy Ray Cyrus. She is confusingly attractive, and to people under the age of eighteen, she is probably the biggest star in the world. She is the Madonna of tweenies.
DEFAMER: Speaking of tweenies: The Jonas Brothers.
RUSSELL: The Jonas Brothers is a band. They're all actual brothers and they all came out of the same womb, where many have said they studiously rehearsed their instruments. How the Jonas Mother was able to keep an amp in her uterus is one of the greatest mysteries, because them boys were born already possessing an incredible talent.
DEFAMER: How about your familiarity with MTV shows? Do you know of The Hills?
RUSSELL: I believe it's about some girls that go around and get off with people and wear nice dresses. They have the general air of louche attractiveness and easy availability.
DEFAMER: Pretty accurate. Let's move on to some of the news stories that Americans are talking about. Right now, we're all wondering what was up with this Christian Bale assault case, and maybe you can explain it to me. Apparently in the UK, you can go to jail for verbal assault? What's up with that?
RUSSELL: In England, we have such good manners that if someone says something impolite, the police will get involved. Christian Bale, I believe whilst in a restaurant, rolled his eyes at the lighting. That is an offense punishable by five years in prison in the United Kingdom. I admire Christian Bale and I think he's one of the greatest living actors on the planet currently, but we cannot shirk when it comes to good manners. If it's true that he also dropped a napkin on his way to the lavatory, then I think that he should possibly receive the death penalty.
DEFAMER: How about the U.S. presidential election? Do you follow it at all?
RUSSELL: I think that the idea of democracy is an illusion and regardless of who becomes president, the status quo will maintain power. It's irrelevant who you select as the totem of power in the country, because the country will be run in the same way — but I would rather have a black president than a white one. I would have ideally liked a hermaphrodite president, if it was up to me entirely, but until a hermaphrodite stands, I'll support Obama.
DEFAMER: Maybe we'll get there someday.
RUSSELL: Well, one can only hope that the rights of hermaphrodites will be recognized! Yeah, a hermaphrodite president — I just haven't found a hermaphrodite whose policies I agree with, even though I do like the idea of having mutual, opposed genitals.
DEFAMER: Lastly, I want to know your thoughts on the most important issue of our time...
RUSSELL: Yes.
DEFAMER: ...Brad and Angelina just had the twins.
RUSSELL: Thank God. The thing is that they're both so stupidly beautiful and good-looking and attractive that their children are born looking gorgeous! It's unsettling. That first one they had, she had sort of a Marilyn Monroe mouth. I don't think they should breed, those two people. I think their adoption policy is probably better because when their genes come together, it creates a storm of attractiveness so potent that it could one day bring down the planet.
DEFAMER: And no one needs all that on a baby.
RUSSELL: No one needs that on a baby! No one needs a baby with eight-inch-long eyelashes.
DEFAMER: All right, Russell. Congratulations on passing your quiz!
RUSSELL: Pretty good, wasn't it? Didn't I do well?

1. Britney looks good.
2. Britney isn't chewing gum.
3. Britney is relaxed.
4. Britney doesn't appear to be pregnant.
5. Britney is good at covering up signs of fear and/or repulsion.
6. We're amazed she didn't say, "What's a surname?"
7. That hairstyle is atrocious. (You decide which.)
8. We believe she truly has no idea who Brown/Brand is.
9. She notices a passing resemblance to K-Fed at the :39 mark.
10. The elephant appears to be fantasizing about scraping saucy-British-comic out of his toes.

Feel free to add your own in the comments.

• VMAs [MTV]

Lou Adler, exec producer of the original film, is partnering with BermanBraun and Fox Television Studios on the new rendition. Two-hour remake will use the original screenplay by Jim Sharman and Richard O'Brien but may also include music not featured in the original.
"I'd like to see it shown a year from this coming Halloween, but that's up to MTV," Adler said.

Our casting ideas after the jump!

Keeping mindful of MTV's youth-skewed, pop-star-friendly demographic, we did some brainstorming and came up with the following suggestions for all the principal roles. No need to thank us; we do it only for the joy it brings you, in addition to our regular industry-standard casting fees and contingencies, due in full upon delivery.

Frank N Furter: Seth Green. Excels at every genre; has the drag and dismemberment experience from Disco Bloodbath.
Brad: Zac Efron. Kind or a no-brainer. Just give him a pair of Buddy Hollys and a silk robe and let him do his thing.
Janet: Miley Cyrus. She can convincingly convey Ms. Weiss's journey from churchgoing virgin to touch-a touch-a touch-a slutbag.
Magenta: Pink. Same color family—close enough.
Riff Raff: Pete Wentz. Just creepily calculated enough. Will likely be bald in the next few years if he keeps relaxing his hair.
Columbia: Kelly Osbourne. Suitably Betty Boopish.
Eddie: Jack Black. He's our Meatloaf. There is no one else.
Dr. Everett Von Scott: James Lipton. We know he has fishnets on underneath that Inside the Actor's Studio desk.
Rocky: Madonna. Bruce Vilanch. Levi Alves McConaughey. Or anyone besides Mario Lopez, who's currently doing gravity-boot crunches and demanding over speaker phone that his agent get him an audition.

• MTV readies 'Rocky Horror' redux [Variety]

Hard to fathom but, just ten years ago, the diva known 'round the world was known simply as that hot big-bottomed girl with a shimmy-shaking breakthrough music video in heavy rotation on MTV (remember, in those days, MTV still played videos). But she hadn't quite let go of her penchants for ass-enhancing spandex onesies, nor her not-so-subtle habit of posing with said ass front and center. Few can forget her appearance as Diddy's arm candy at the 2000 MTV Music Awards, with her skin-tight white jeans, taut belly and bandana proving she's so real, from the block, and down with her peeps. For a few more minutes that is, considering no one from the block (any block) would be down with perhaps the most famous fashion faux-pas of the decade, the paper thin maniacally patterned green-ish disaster Lopez wagged tongues with just a few months later. One overly tight yellow polyester skirt and tacky pair of knee-high hooker booties later, and Lopez figured it out (finally): with a, ahem, imperfect eye for style well-proven, ensemble eyesores may appear on Max and Emme in the future, but thankfully, we'll only have to endure them once.

[Photo credits: Wireimage]

• JENNIFER LOPEZ TWINS NEVER EAR THE SAME DESIGNER CLOTHES TWICE [Daily Mirror]

”I don't really get why she'd use my name to get press for her little indie film that no one's going to see...I know I've made it in Hollywood when a famous troll is talking about me on Letterman...I forgive her, though. She's had to go through life as the less cute twin, which must be tough."

As the war between actual working actress Olsen and reality trash-talker Pratt heats up, we dug up evidence that this battle has a much longer history than we thought. After the jump, the sordid high-school photo scandal that sparked the Olsen vs. Pratt battle years ago.

In the Us piece, Spencer throws a curveball into the mix by stating he and Mary-Kate didn't even attend the same high school, which is (not scientifically, by any means) actually evident on several "news" sites. But whether or not Olsen's quietly harsh comments about Pratt's soccer game hissy fits are slightly tarnished by this info, the two most certainly spent time socializing before Olsen hit her NYU hobo years and anyone on the planet knew who Pratt even was. After revisiting a Details profile on Spencer and his then-partner in crime Brody Jenner from last year, we noticed this plum detail: "the guy...will proudly tell you he made $50,000 in high school by selling a photo he took of Mary-Kate Olsen drinking at a party." One search through an Olsens fan site later turns up the picture in question, which looks less to us like evidence that MK is a "drunk" lush, and more like evidence that MK has always been the pruney-smiling party girl we've grown to know and love. Not to mention that Spencer, pictured upper left, has always been incredibly scary to look at. Team Olsen is where we remain.

[Photo credit: Olsen-Twins-News.com]

• SPENCER PRATT: ACTRESS MARY-KATE OLSEN IS THE LESS CUTE TWIN [Us]
• THE CREEP WHO MADE $50K BY SNAPPING MARY-KATE 'DRUNK' [Olsen-Twins-News]

As cinematic as Sarah's tour de puke through Hollywood appears, things get far more interesting back at the apartment, when Greg replacement Nick takes Sarah's face-in-a-bucket moment of fame as an opportunity to snap some pictures. Sarah's comeback? "Who do you think you are, Charles Barkley?!" Yeah! Um, wait. Charles Barkley? The Round Mound Of Rebound? If we were attempting to dis someone by drunkenly shouting out the name of a marginally talented photographer, we would've likely screamed out William Wegman, Anne Geddes or even The Cobrasnake before spitting out the name Charles Barkley, but that's just us.

• GOOD GIRL GONE BAD [AOL]

While most will remember the '07 Awards for the Spears trainwreck, it's also worth noting that Kanye West stated after last year's VMAs that he would "never return to MTV" because he felt slighted by having to perform in a hotel suite rather than the main stage. So it appears this decision was not only made to placate the talent, but also because holding this event at a property that they already own represents a significant cost-savings for the penny pinchers at Viacom. As they say, developing...

Dave scores his first points by feigning interest in an updated report on whatever current catfights have been set up by MTV producers between the interchangeable Hills blondes, then swiftly admitting he "has no idea" what he's talking about. But the slam dunks occur after successfully recruiting the audience to his side of the increasingly tense verbal battle, and launching into an initially innocent inquiry about rumors Pratt charges fees just to show up at nightclubs.

Pratt's decision to surpass Linda Evangelista in braggart pretension by saying (twice! and with the support of camera-ready partner in crime Heidi Montag in the green room!) he won't get out of bed for less than $100k with a straight face spurs genuine belly laughs and the classic Letterman customized-to-each-guest rebuttal: "Stop it, just stop. For a second there, I thought you actually said $100,000." But he doesn't stop there, asking Heidi if this "nonsense" is true, and pondering out loud about what kind of tricks Pratt performs to garner this fee ("bring a pony and have kids take their picture with it?"). By the time he passive-aggressively tells Spencer to get his scrawny ass and enormous head to get the fuck off his couch, Dave officially reclaims his late-night crown and reaffirms our confidence in the recently dusty goofball's improvised wizardry.

• THE LATE SHOW WITH DAVID LETTERMAN [CBS]

• On Location: Drinks With The Hills at Jian [Eater LA]

”Contestants will be whittled down via ‘Hot Tub Elimination Ceremonies’ after which [the] rejected will be asked to leave the bachelor pad dripping wet in a swimsuit, luggage in hand...contestants also will have shots at a ‘group date’ and ‘alone time’ with Jenner in every episode.”

Oh, did we mention the fact that these “contestants” are known as “bros”? Yes, this is a dating show for dudebros who probably don't understand what the word "repression" means. More gruesome details after the jump.

As THR reports, six episodes of the "buzzed about" show starring reality regular Jenner has finally been picked up by MTV as Ryan Seacrest continues his master plan to destroy television by replacing Larry King the instant his suspenders fall by the wayside and by pumping out homoerotic shows week after week. In the case of Bromance, a group of "regular guys" will arrive in Hollywood and compete to become part of Jenner's incredibly elite and elusive "entourage," meaning they will be allowed into Hyde roughly 50% of the time and get to sit in dirty velvet booths alongside the likes of Audrina Patridge. One can only dream. In addition to the aforementioned wet speedo rejection structure, the challenges will range from skydiving to "dealing with the paparazzi." Which will admittedly be difficult, considering the winner will be expected to "deal" with paps by begging them to "please, just please consider taking just one shot of Brody, bro, please? Will a fiver do the trick?"

• 'HILLS' CO-STAR LANDS MTV SERIES [THR]

But no. Instead, the cable geniuses have reportedly chosen the world’s slowest speaking zombie, Whitney Port, to launch her pretty little head into “bicoastal living.” The fascinating premise, plus what the other cast members have to say, after the jump.

In an effort to make bowling "cool" again, clever marketers at Strike's Bowling Alley invited the Hills cast and those lovable nuts from The Real Housewives Of Orange County to walk the red carpet at their new opening last night. And when queen bee Lauren Conrad was asked how she thought Whitney would fare, she gave her rehearsed answer of "Sure thing! Love Whitney! Yay blondes!" But when the maybe-star in question was prodded, Port said "The whole thing just sounds a little scary because I like to keep things private." Yes, Whitney — which is why you have appeared on three seasons of a major cable network's reality show, befriended every socialite from New York to LA, and are, ahem, appearing on a red carpet as you say these words. We take it back: Dumb blondes of this variety never fail to entertain.

• LAUREN CONRAD: WHITNEY PORT WILL DO WELL WITH 'HILLS' SPIN-OFF [Us]

3. David, Real World Season 2: Los Angeles. After the show's engaging premiere in New York, MTV headed west and cast David Edwards, a comedian from D.C. who had a habit of lashing out at two of his female roommates, solidifying the reality show's trend of (unintentionally, we hope) planting the stereotypical "angry black man" in seasons to come. The eviction occurred after David decided to yank the blankets off his roommate Tami's bed after she insisted she was naked and said no. He thought it was "funny." She famously disagreed, saying that "It wasn't! Not! Funny!" And yes, it was wrong, but in the end, it was, indeed, funny.

2: Ruthie, Real World Season 8: Hawaii. Surely one of the most frightening string of episodes in RW history, Ruthie was the chronic alcoholic who passed out so many times in bars, eventually leading to her stomach being pumped and a whole bunch of sloppy naked "sobering" shower scenes, all of which were very entertaining. Plus, she was a cool chick. After she was filmed drunk driving away from a bar, the producers asked her to get help, she was allowed to return, though not nearly as fun to watch.

1. Puck, Real World Season 3: San Francisco. What would the Real World be in television history without Puck? Verbally abusive, homophobic, violent, sexist and hated by his roommates and America, he was intensely watchable. At the very least, the season did have Pedro's AIDS storyline to keep the show alive, but what the Puck? :

• KICKED TO THE CURB [AOL]

According to the NY Daily News, Cameron "Sex Is The Best!" Diaz and Puff "Sex Is The Easiest Thing To Get" Daddy have been playing fuck buddies ever since March when they had an intimate dinner (translation: they ate in the same restaurant), and last month they (No! Way!) hugged at a Walk of Fame ceremony (translation: um, they hugged.) But things have allegedly gotten interesting ever since last month when the private room escapade occurred in New York, and last Friday at Prince's house, when "Diddy was bringing his lips toward hers when he realized someone was approaching. Smiling, they closed the theater's door and locked it. We heard them giggling inside." Translation? See, there's this movie? Called What Happens In Vegas? And Cameron's in it? Oh and also? There's this new show on MTV? Called Making The Rock Band? And Diddy is the producer? Translation executed.

• CAMERON DIAZ AND DIDDY A TOUCHY TOPIC [NYDN]

• WATCH VIDEO

As Gwyneth proved quite effectively during her Iron Man press tour by wearing kinky boots and transparent mini-dresses, slipping into a costume designed for tightening trousers goes a long way towards catching the attention of not only the horny teen boy population, but also the millenial MTV viewers. Not to mention the sex-obsessed network's not-so-subliminal message that bisexual MySpace stars are worthy of icon status, that you can't really have a good time unless you're stripping down to nothing in hot tubs with your Real World roommates, and that what people REALLY want to see are endless barrages of Top 20 Sexiest Star/Hottest Bods/Sluttiest Sluts countdowns. So who can really blame girls like Charlize and Anne for following the crowd?

[Photo credits: Wireimage, PA via Daily Mail]

• LINDSAY LOHAN WINS EMBARRASSING WARDROBE MALFUNCTION AWARD AS YOUNG HOLLYWOOD TURNS OUT AT MTV MOVIE AWARDS [Daily Mail]

6:58pm: Well, that was the show. Hard to tell if it was any good or not, but we know one thing for sure. We are sweaty and exhausted. Thanks for coming around and, for those of you on the West Coast who won't be seeing the show for another few hours, here's hoping you'll pop by during the show! We'll be pulling clips and dropping them into the liveblog when the show airs here. And with that, Grambo is OUT!

6:55pm: Here's something you won't see on TV. While they were rolling the credits for the Best Picture nominees, somebody dressed like one of The Strangers unsucessfully tried to crash the stage. He was wearing some sort of burlap sack over his head, but was caught by a burly security guard before he got onstage and was promptly escorted off the premises.

6:52pm: Jables has had a long day. Earlier this morning, we just happened to stroll up to Hollywood and Highland and stumbled into the Kung Fu Panda premiere. It's not everyday you walk down the street and see Jables and Cee-Lo singing "Kung Fu Fighting" at 11am, after all.

6:46pm: This Mike Myers skit about the weirdo animal trainer is really awkward, which also makes it really good in our book. But, again, I don't think it bodes well for the prospects of The Love Guru. I'm guessing he did a bit as the Guru Pitka earlier in the show — if it indeed happened, how did it come off?

6:40pm: This probably goes without saying, but Rainn Wilson was NOT naked just now. That one was for those of who who don't get out much.

6:35pm: Ellen Page just walked by us. Despite being on the tip sheet for the yellow carpet, she skipped it. Which is a shame, because we had a zinger of a question for her. Also, speaking of people who skipped the carpet, where the fuck was Diablo Cody? We were SO looking forward to finally meeting her face-to-face. But that's for another time. Back to Page, though. Not sure if she's been on camera yet, but she's decked out in black pants and a black leather jacket — which is exactly what we're wearing on a day that's 70 degrees and sunny.

6:33pm: So, Robin Antin, the manager/founder/whatever-the-fuck for the Pussycat Dolls (and sister to one of our all-time fave reality stars, Jonathan "Blow Out" Antin) was just standing behind us. Her butterface is so extreme that it makes Fergie look like Gisele. I've seen smaller canyons in Arizona than the ones on her face.

6:28pm: Someone, maybe us, needs to do some investigation into Brendan Fraser's hair. When we saw it on the carpet earlier today, we were kinda stunned by the visibility of homeboy's plugs. Can't tell how it looks on TV, but from roughly 30 feet away, we can confirm that his hair stylist should be fired.

6:21pm: We echo the sentiments of Heidiho: Lindsay Lohan's pins are hella crazed.

6:17pm: We don't think the odds of this "Viral Video" going viral are very good, but it certainly makes us want to see Tropic Thunder. Watching Downey Jr. more than hold his own with comedy veterans like Jables and Stiller confirms what we've been feeling for some time — this is his year. When Entertainment Weekly comes out with their end-of-year issue, unless something crazy happens, we are guaranteeing that he'll be their Entertainer Of The Year.

6:10pm: It must be key bump time. During this commercial break, we spotted Paris Hilton, her schlubby leprechaun of a boyfriend and Brody Jenner all head for the bathroom. Don't accuse of us being soft, here, but when Paris and Benji (or is it Joel? We can never get those two straight) walked by holding hands, they looked ... gasp ... like a real couple.

6:03pm: Tom Cruise! Although the crowd reaction to him was about one-fifth as loud as the standing ovation for Johnny Depp, the audience was pretty stunned to see him show up here. After all, unless we're mistaken, Tom Cruise wasn't even announced as a presenter for this show. He looked a little stunned when he first got on stage — he looked like he was expecting a bigger reaction, like the kind of one he used to get before he started jumping on couches. But, that said, he was the consummate pro up there. Not sure if this came through on the TV broadcast, but one of The Sandman's band members mistakenly forgot to turn his/her amp off while tuning up on stage. Cruise looked a little perturbed, but didn't miss a beat on the teleprompter. Why he gave Adam Sandler an award, though, we'll never know.

5:58pm: We commented earlier about how surprised we were that this award show had seemed relatively product placement free. Well, that just changed with an interminably long "digital short" that somehow ended up being a commercial for Orbit Gum. Also, we just realized who we talked to on the carpet a few hours back. Molls spent a good three minutes talking to the Orbit Gum Girl without even knowing who she was.

5:56pm: It might have just been us, but did The Rock's crack about "two balls being near [Steve Carell's] face" come off as more than slightly homophobic? This is exactly why marginally talented actors should NEVER improv.

5:51pm: Again, we're kind of catching up here, but why does Mike Myers sound so hoarse? Either way, it's really good to see that Mike Myers and Dana Carvey patched things up. As soon as the skit ended and the camera cut to the stars of Get Smart (that's what she said!), the two gave each other a big hug on stage. It looked totally impromptu. Still, let's hope The End Of Ideas train doesn't slow down long enough to convince these two to make a Wayne's World 3.

5:48pm: Love that they cut to burgeoning lesbian icon Lindsay Lohan when Garth was discussing the bisexual wonder Tila Tequila. Someone in the truck has been reading the gossip blogs.

5:43pm: Also, while we're here on commercial break, we are kicking ourselves for not bringing a bag of tomatoes in with us. We are within spitting distance of the cast of The Hills. Holy shit, Wayne's World reunion!

5:42pm: As much as we would like to hate on burgeoning Scientologist Will Smith, you can't deny that the man is intensely charismatic. By the way, it's a commercial break now and Rihanna is standing four rows or so down from us. She just gave a seat-filler a hideous glare when she didn't get up promptly from her seat.

5:36pm: So, we missed the beginning of the show and have a question to ask you, the loyal Defamer audience. Have their been any other Mike Myers bits like this? If so, did they go over so poorly? It's quieter than church in here. Not only did I not understand the premise — we caught something about 30 Odd Foot Of Grunts, Russell Crowe's terrible band — not a single joke got a laugh in the auditorium. This can't bode well for The Love Guru's prospects.

5:31pm: We just realized something — Ed Norton totally skipped the carpet (or, at least our part of it). Probably because he didn't have script approval.

5:26pm: Stoners nationwide are looking forward to seeing The Pineapple Express, which is currently slotted for theatrical release in the Judd Apatow sweetspot of August. We're a little confused about their bit; was that supposed to be real weed or fake weed? We didn't even smoke any weed today and we're utterly confused.

5:25pm: Phew. Back. There were some rumours that I wouldn't be able to get in, but the name Defamer strikes fear in publicist's hearts. Just watched Liv Tyler, that adorable doe of a woman, botch Coldplay's name as she introduced them. She called them Cold! Not much of a reader, that one. What else did I miss?

5something pm: We didnt' actually see this moment live but, thanks to the magic of the West Coast delay, we caught this magical moment of Mike Myers opening the show...

5:04pm: Okay, that's it! Heading inside, will be back online in a matter of minutes ... if all goes well. Fingers crossed that MTV PR doesn't fuck us over.

4:58pm: It doesn't get any more meta than me taking a picture of Molls taking a video of Brendan Fraser taking a cameraphone picture of himself.

4:55pm: Nick Denton, the guy who writes our checks, has oft been accused of having a big head. Well, he's got nothing on Jon Favreau. What a melon on that dude. Seriously. I swear I saw three tiny moons orbiting around it, by my iPhone didn't capture them. Damn shutter speed!

4:53pm: It's the one-year anniversary of the night that Sarah Silverman tore Paris Hilton a new one, the night before she (meaning Paris, not Sarah) got carted off to jail. She's talking to that British chap from MTV now, standing a good half a head taller than her boyfriend, the schlubby Other Guy from Good Charlotte.

4:49pm: Ah, the plight of being a CEO. Evil Viacom overlord Philippe Dauman and his plastic bride (or maybe girlfriend? We don't have time to Google it now) just walked down the carpet. Nobody flinched.

4:44pm: La Lohan just walked by. Like everyone else on the B-List and above, she moved with the swiftest of speed. Her haggardness was not showing, but that's just probably because Sam Ronson wasn't hanging on her arm. Like most starlets, she is lither than lithe up close and in person.

4:40pm: Will Smith and Charlize Theron just flew down the carpet faster than Viper in Top Gun. I was all, like "Where'd who go?"

4:31pm: [Also presented without comment.]

4:29pm: [Presented without comment.]

4:28pm: Rainn Wilson just confessed to us that he likes to anonymously send fake tips of celebrity sightings into us. And then he hugged Molly. That almost made us forgive The Office's premiere homeskillet for Juno. Almost.

4:21pm: When we saw Suze Orman at Saturday Night Live a few weeks back, we thought we had saw the most blazingly white set of teeth possible on a human being. Then we saw Audina Patridge.

4:16pm: Anna Faris, Rumer Willis and Kat McPhee are here to promote House Bunny. We have harbored a not-so-secret crush on Faris for as long as we can remember, and we think that this movie could be her Legally Blonde. She just looped back our way, we're trying to get her.

4:10pm: Molls vs. Tila Tequila: A match made in internet heaven. We know we're not saying anything that hasn't been said 1,000 times before, but she is TINY.

4:07pm: OMG COLDPLAY! Chris Martin just blew past us at 1,000,000 miles an hour. What a fookin' student.

4:03pm: At least Jon Voight remembered to check his teeth before coming to the awards.

3:55pm: We take what we said about Doug Benson back. He just made the same Backdraft joke that we made earlier today. Molls got some great video — check back tomorrow — of the prospects of Super High Me getting some MTV Movie Award love at next year's awards. Getting high for 30 days straight oughta get him something.

3:49pm: As much as we love Doug Benson (which, actually, is a lot), we're a bit underwhelmed to be about an hour into this thing and have him be the biggest star we have seen. But the screams are getting louder down at the end of the carpet. If we're lucky, maybe that means that a bobblehead like Heidi Montag has made an entrance.

3:45pm: We are so hard up to see some talent that we have resorted to taking pictures of reporters. Can anyone identify the blonde in this picture? Whoever she is, we are angling for the digits. Wait, we have an update! All of the camera people are now standing on their little stepladders, so it must mean that it's game time (we hope...)!

3:36pm: The last time we saw a carpet this boring, we were buying it! Groan, we know. But still. What the fuck? Right now, the "fans" sitting directly across from us — in the shade, might we add — are getting restless. They have resorted to cheering anyone who isn't wearing jeans. For instance, they just cheered four random and very overdressed girls