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Battle Of The Teen Queens
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Miley Cyrus
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Battle Of The Teen Queens
Millenials
Jonas Brothers Poised To Annoy, Baffle Adults
Since the Disney Teen Idol Factory's Miley Cyrus model has developed a "slutty photos" malfunction, the company is ramping up the marketing on its male prototypes, The Jonas Brothers. Like Cyrus, the band has sold millions of albums but you probably can't name a single one of their songs unless you spend a lot of time around 12 year-old girls. According to The New York Times, the trio features none of Cyrus's dangerous hints of a sex drive.
On this particular May evening, the band members wore “purity” rings, reflecting their stated intentions to save themselves sexually for marriage.
Parents, prepare to buy your daughter a silver ring to match her blonde Hannah Montana wig. Because there will be no escaping the brothers.
More »
Fathers And Daughters
Billy Ray Cyrus's Touching Loyalty To Daughter Miley Underscored By Poignant Poop-Stomping Metaphor
Billy Ray Cyrus, virtue-hoarding father and achy-breaky-svengali to cultural tween phenomenon Miley Cyrus, appeared on The Today Show this morning, where for the first time he was made to address the now-infamous Virgin Miley study that recently graced the pages of Vanity Fair. An unwavering Meredith Vieira was determined to figure out where he was as photographer Annie Leibovitz crouched beneath a lighting umbrella, pressing two index fingers to her lips as she spitballed aloud, "For the next one, maybe lose the clothes, clutch that sheet to your chest, and give me your best 'Got Milk?' face." More »
Making Out With Miley
Those Highly-Anticipated Miley Cyrus 'First Kiss' Photos Worth $150K? Yeah, We Got 'Em Already
At this point, seeing photos of 15-year old Miley Cyrus posing topless or seductively baring her taut tummy for rumored paramour Nick Jonas is the very definition of old news. But when it comes to the tween millionaire appearing in photos actually kissing a boy (or, gasp, a girl!) in public, these photos would likely tighten a few paparazzo’s trousers. As the LA Times reports today, pictures of Miley’s “first kiss” could potentially earn one lucky photographer anywhere between $30k to $150k. And we are officially confused. Why? Well, we happen to have more than a few pictures of Miley making out with all kinds of suitors, starting back when she was 14. So where’s our cash? After the jump, see how the magic of Google can instantly debunk all the heated speculation on when Miley will have her first kiss, and when, oh when, will we get to see them. The time is now, Defamer readers: More »
Miley Cyrus NudieWatch
Tarnished Tween Queen Miley Cyrus Caught Eating Her Clothes Off
Having barely recovered from the aneurysm-inducing shock of seeing America's Multi-Platform 3D Tween Sweetheart Miley Cyrus splayed nakedly across the pages of Vanity Fair—wet hair, Kool-Aid lips, and a look of seductive defiance that practically dares the observer to prove their stamina—emerges yet two more photos of a similarly suggestive, naked, and seemingly wanting-it-bad vein. In this suite—rumored to have been clearly marked "For Nick Jonas's Eyes Only," a restriction that went virtually ignored by the boundary-oblivious MySpace community—Cyrus gnaws hungrily on her own T-shirt. The intention? Clearly to drive its intended boy-band-member recipient, widely rumored to be a rabid garment-consumption fetishist, wild with desire.
We've darkened the offending bits via Black Bar™'s decency-retention proprietary technology, but the uncensored version is after the jump.
More »
Areola Squad
Emmanuelle Chirqui's Topless Photo Shoot Lures LAPD's 'Areola' Squad
Though celebrities dropping trou for the glossies has proven both controversial in Miley Cyrus’ case, and “artsy” in Lindsay Lohan’s, both of these spreads were intelligently shot behind closed doors. But when GQ decided to photograph Entourage’s Emmanuelle Chirqui fully exposing her curves in the bright light of day, controversy didn't come by way of conservative media pundits. It arrived in the form of the LAPD’s official nudity-watch squad, who interrupted the shoot to get a closer look make sure all was okay on set. As Chirqui recalls, one pervy fed stepped in as art director and instructed the crew "Could you make sure that her areolas aren't showing?" See what all the fuss was about for yourself after the jump:
celebrity nudity
Gwyneth Loses The Short Skirts And Hooker Heels For Au Naturel 'GQ' Shoot
As we've been noting throughout Gwyneth Paltrow's incredibly successful campaign to rack up attention during her Iron Man press tour, her wardrobe has been just this side of trampy. In the last few weeks, transparent dresses (but they're designer!), S&M shoes (eccentric!), and clavicle accented jumpsuits have all been pulled out of the twice-retired actress' bag of tricks. But now that we've seen just what lies inside the June issue of British GQ, we think this sexy train has reached its final destination. Yes, Gwyneth has dropped trou, but listening to her tell it, it's just not that big of a deal, okay?Paltrow states she isn't trying to court controversy with the new photo, insisting it's just an innocent shot. The mother-of-two says, "I'm not going out without my knickers, and I'm not getting drunk and I'm not on my eighth husband."
While we do appreciate her usage of "knickers" in a British glossy, we feel obligated to point out that her statement just isn't entirely true. More »
agency hr
All Grown-Up Miley Cyrus Goes Agency Hopping to UTA
Congratulations to the gang at United Talent Agency, who last weekend offset a series of high-profile defections with the addition of Mitchell Gossett — the Agent to the Child Stars who brings along top client and recent teenagers-fucking firebrand Miley Cyrus. Nikki Finke had the news Saturday, reporting that Billy Ray Cyrus would be tagging along out of Gossett's former headquarters at Cunningham Escott Slevin Doherty, sort of a halfway house for transitioning young talent (and, evidently, their middling parents). Finke notes that it's anyone's guess how Miley's Vanity Fair bedsheet-rocking played into the deal, but the timing seems clear enough to us. More »
dirt sandwich
Which Star Just Told Us She Has A Fake Butt?
If you are on the hunt for comfort food for your brain, look no further than this week's flavor-packed installment of Dirt Sandwich. Each week, our superstar videotrix Molly McAleer puts her very sanity on the line for you, the loyal Defamer reader, as she pours through over a dozen hours of infotainment shows looking for moments of high camp from TV journalism's lowlifes. This week's episode features only the hottest of hott topics, including Miley Cyrus' initial reaction to Annie Liebovitz's now controversial Vanity Fair spread ("Annie took, like, a beautiful shot"), Donny Osmond's nationwide manhunt for a gentleman caller willing to date his sister, Harvey Levin drooling over some new Halle Berry pics and, of course, the appearance of a cow on the set of Extra. And no, we're not talking about Dayna Devon. Enjoy!
time for a recount
'Time' Mag Names 100 Most Influential, Awards High Honors To Lorne Michaels And...Peter Gabriel?
It's official: the world-saving baby-making duo of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are no longer mere entertainers. They are "heroes and pioneers." At least according to the categorical rankings of Time's 100 Most Influential List released today. And not only are they the most influential heroes, they're apparently more influential than Oprah Winfrey. And Tony Blair. In any case, among the "artists and entertainers," the mag happily ranks Lorne Michaels and Robert Downey Jr. high above icky Suze Orman and preachy George Clooney, but we do take issue with several other entries, after the jump. More »
adventures in esp
Donny Osmond Celebrates Miley Cyrus's Influence by Seeing the Whole VF Thing Coming
Time Magazine's 100 most influential people of 2008 have been chosen, and as if on cue, Miley Cyrus gets the wide-eyes-and-wonder treatment from none other than Donny Osmond. But this isn't just another convenient thematic tie-in of wholesome media figures — no! Written before the whole Vanity Fair photo flap, Osmond's blurb is easily the most uncannily prescient piece of writing since Paddy Chayefsky sat down to pen Network: More »
rants
Teenagers Fuck (And Other Lessons From The Miley Cyrus Debacle)
We're so confused. An extra day's digestion of the Miley Cyrus/Vanity Fair photo "scandal" hasn't cleared much up for us in the way of morals, betrayals, exploitations and career management of the young Hannah Montana star, but the public meltdown has alerted us to a more basic truth that is helping guide us through the fog of outrage. This isn't about Miley Cyrus without a shirt on or if she's been seen somewhere in her lingerie, or if her father dropped the ball.
It's simpler than any of that; this whole thing comes down to a picture of a 15-year-old looking like she just got the shit fucked out of her. And if there's anything America loves more than a war, it's teenagers fucking.
More »
starlets under fire
Investigating The Miley Cyrus 'Topless' Photo Scandal: Career-Ender Or Standard Starlet Move?
Vanity Fair has done it again. In their upcoming issue, famed photographer Annie Leibovitz shot a controversial photo spread featuring Billion Dollar Girl Miley Cyrus, prompting public outrage from the Christian Coalition, Disney and, naturally, the ladies of The View. Leibovitz and VF are being accused of crossing the line between art and pedophilia by shooting Cyrus in what some are calling "topless" photos (shown after the jump). Before the issue has even hit newsstands, Miley has apologized to her fans and Disney, concerned that the spread could affect the Hannah Montana cash cow. But this isn't the first time VF has hired one of their star photographers to use her lens in an effort to reinvent the images of underage starlets by featuring them in a slightly more provocative and mature light... More »
short ends
· Proving that that they aren't going to let a little thing like a self-imposed "family hour" get in the way of making a buck (particularly after GE's atrocious first quarter earnings), it's NBC's officially licensed "MILF Island" t-shirt. [NBC.com]
· Nobody has more fun than Miley Cyrus. Nobody. [YouTube]
· Noted political heavyweight Brody Jenner has just released his official presidential endorsement. The resident beefcake of The Hills is voting for ... wait for it ... Obama! If you're wondering why, the answer is simple: "He's just cool!" Word. [Us Magazine]
· And just when you thought things were going bad for the State of California comes this news: California in for a devastating quake within 30 years. [SF Gate]
Vajuniors, Chihuahuas And Evil Stage Parents
· Intrepid Defamer Videographer™ Molly McAleer watches a LOT of TV during the course of her day. Unfortunately, she sees a lot of funny moments that, for one reason or another, we don't get around to covering. She found herself with a few spare minutes this weekend and cut together this outtake reel of hilarious moments that we didn't manage to feature last week (save for KTLA's Jessica Holmes; her act is worth a second look). With that intro, please enjoy this feature that we haven't quite gotten around to naming yet. Enjoy and, if you have any suggestions for what we should call this, leave your suggestions in the comments! [Molls She Wrote]· Proving that that they aren't going to let a little thing like a self-imposed "family hour" get in the way of making a buck (particularly after GE's atrocious first quarter earnings), it's NBC's officially licensed "MILF Island" t-shirt. [NBC.com]
· Nobody has more fun than Miley Cyrus. Nobody. [YouTube]
· Noted political heavyweight Brody Jenner has just released his official presidential endorsement. The resident beefcake of The Hills is voting for ... wait for it ... Obama! If you're wondering why, the answer is simple: "He's just cool!" Word. [Us Magazine]
· And just when you thought things were going bad for the State of California comes this news: California in for a devastating quake within 30 years. [SF Gate]
dirt sandwich
