Defamer Interviews Harmony Korine: Bringing Michael Jackson and Skydiving Nuns Together at Last

It was a rough spring at the movies for compulsive watch-checkers like us, but we took consolation in knowing that a honest-to-God hero would be arriving come early May. What? No, not that wuss Iron Man, but rather Harmony Korine, whose new Mister Lonely marks the filmmaker's first writing-directing effort in nearly 10 years. And what a decade: Adrift in Paris, anchored in Nashville, survivor of two house fires, briefly reteaming with his Kids director Larry Clark on the teenagers-fucking milestone Ken Park, and ultimately conjuring Mister Lonely from a vision of nuns plunging from airplanes and the garish subculture of celebrity impersonators.

It makes all the sense in the world. Really! Just ask him.

British Press Continues Its Assault Against Celebrity Body Parts, Sinks Its Claws Into 'Bat Face'

Having devoured celebrity knees and lips in their quest to mock each and every imperfect body part they spot on the red carpet, the British press is now preying on something they've dubbed Bat Face, singling out Nicole Kidman as the epitome of Botox overload. Though the picture of Nicole they use isn't pretty, the bat is actually kind of adorable (at this point, we are far more scared of seeing Nic enter our room in the middle of the night than this cuddly little rat with wings). In fact, Nicole looks less like this animal than she does another: Michael Jackson. And she's not alone. Rather than naming the immobile facial trend Bat Face, we're thinking the look is more a symptom of MJ Syndrome, which also counts Renee Zellweger and Teri Hatcher among its victims.

At Neverland Ranch, You Must Be At Least This Short To Ride

Michael Jackson Keeps Neverland In The Family

Reports circulated earlier in the week saying Neverland Ranch, Michael Jackson's personal Touch Mahal, was in jeopardy: If the debt-ravaged superstar failed to pay the $24,525,906.61 required of him, the estate, including all "fixtures and appliances, furniture, and...merry go round type devices, any rides" on it, would be put up for auction March 19 at Santa Barbara's downtown courthouse. Now comes the happy news that the necessary financing is being drawn up, and that no auction will take place. Also, records show there was a release of lien on February 4, showing Jackson "paid off all or part of delinquent taxes to the state of California." Perhaps, finally, the rusted arms of the Great NeverClock will start up once again, the llama skulls and monkey bones will finally be cleared from the yellowed lawn, and the ghostly halls of Jackson's kiddie Valhalla will fill with the sound of children's laughter, their overjoyed host calling out, "Last one to the bottom of the IKEA ballroom in their underwear is a rotten egg!!!"

• Michael Jackson's Neverland Foreclosed; Auction Date Set [foxnews.com]
• Michael Jackson seeks to keep Neverland Ranch [cnn.com]

Blanket Accidentally Causes Routine Mouth-Collapse For Father Michael Jackson

Thanks to Michael Jackson's new look, we got an answer to the question, "What would happen if a Jackie O. zombie and the hook-handed fisherman from I Know What You Did Last Summer had a secret love child who enjoyed smearing his face in honey and Corn Chex?" Now comes the answer to an even more confounding query: Why?

Michael Jackson has been forced to undergo emergency surgery after his lip burst and collapsed, according to reports.

Michael Jackson To Hold On To His Kid-Friendly Xanadu

Michael Jackson was in a far different place when the gates of Neverland Ranch first swung open in 1988: "Bad" had spent a record-breaking year riding the top of the charts, Captain Eo was still thrilling children who marveled at how their space-voyaging pop hero was practically reaching out to grab them, and the term "Jesus Juice" was decades away from entering the popular lexicon as a catchall term for any number of boy-plying intoxicants. Of course, all that was millions of dollars and surgeries ago, and now the fate of Jackson's prepubescent pleasuredome hangs in the balance. Despite what you're hearing, however, the Ebony cover subject won't allow a foreclosure to deprive him of his abandoned estate, even if that means sinking further into debt:

"Mr. Jackson is in the final stages of refinance and will not lose Neverland Valley Ranch," [Jackson spokeswoman Raymone K.] Bain said.

Michael Jackson: 25 Shades Lighter Than 'Thriller'

Versatile Mask Lets You Go As Michael Jackson One Year, Teri Hatcher The Next

Michael Jackson Sued For Failing To Rock With Bahraini Prince All Night

'Thriller': The Filipino Prison Version

Inside Michael Jackson's Secret Boys' Society

Memorabilia Auction A Go After Michael Jackson Assured Dibs On His Cherished Little League Jockstrap Collection