STATEMENT FROM METRO-GOLDWYN-MAYER STUDIOS INC.

LOS ANGELES, CA August 25, 2008 — Contrary to recent media reports, Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer Studios Inc. (MGM) is not for sale. There is no "asking price" for the company. MGM's existing financing arrangements are sufficient to meet its needs. Goldman, Sachs has been retained to explore enhancements to MGM's long-term capital structure. All of the MGM shareholders, including Providence Equity Partners, TPG, Sony Corp. Of America and Comcast Corp, are pleased with the Company's current momentum and are committed to the future growth of the studio.

"Enhancements to ... long-term capital structure"? Isn't that what selling is? In any event, we'll give the shareholders the benefit of the doubt; the principals have every reason to be "pleased with the company's current momentum," with the minor exception of Heather O'Rourke's outstanding request to God to burn the studio to the ground before it can remake Poltergeist. That will no doubt affect the asking price, which insiders place around an overvalued $5.2 billion that would likely keep the Lion in his same fetid den for at least another year. At least someone could come groom him every once in a while; we hear Kerkorian loves cats. Or at least certain feline parts — where on Leo's body would his library be?

• More speculation over MGM sale [THR]
• MGM: On the Block, Again [BusinessWeek]

Dear God,

Hi, God, it's me, Heather O'Rourke — the little girl from Poltergeist. How's tricks? I know how busy you must be dealing with the whole Isaac Hayes thing right now (my vote: let him in!), but when you get a second, I was hoping I might ask you for just one tiny little favor. It would really mean a lot, and I've been really good all these years and haven't requested anything except for that pony, but that was, like, 20 years ago when I first got here, and you never got back to me. No probs, though, God — I'm kinda glad it didn't work out, because now I need you to do me a much more important solid: Can you please smite the people responsible for this planned remake of Poltergeist?

I don't quite know how these things work; Brad Renfro told me you helped out with his dealer not too long ago, and that depending on my grievance I could get some "real fucking payback" (his words not mine, LOL). And I think I've got a pretty strong case. I'm sure you've heard about all these movies MGM is recycling — Red Dawn, RoboCop, etc. — which is all pretty tacky, if you ask me. Like, really, God, aren't there any new ideas? Then I heard this morning that they hired some writers to remake my movie Poltergeist. I couldn't believe it! We had such a good thing going back in 1982, and now they're just gonna go and unimaginatively squeeze another few dollars out of the property. I'm practically spinning in my grave!

Now listen, God: I have always minded my manners and been nice to everyone, as per Your dictates. But this really ticks me off, and if everyone else down on Earth gets to bomb, rape and kill each other with impunity, I don't see why I can't just this once ask you to strike someone with lightning or cast them opposite Billy Bob Thornton or at least scare some honest-to-You sense into them. Have you seen Poltergeist, God? I mean, I know you probably anticipated a lot of the twists, but didn't we do a good job overall — good enough to be left alone, anyway? It's not like we made Short Circuit (another forthcoming remake, but that's not my problem) or anything.

And frankly, God, You've already made enough trouble with the whole curse that brought me and my on-screen sister Dominique Dunne here prematurely. I think teaching these heathens a lesson would be a healthy first step in rehabilitating Your image among us.

Anyway, the people at MGM are named Harry Sloan, Mary Parent and Cale Boyter. The writers' names are Stiles White and Juliet Snowden, but I guess technically it's not their fault that this is happening, so please go easy on them — maybe an extended power outage, or an erased hard drive if they dare to revive my signature line, "They're heeeeeere." I trust You to determine the punishment for the studio people, though, especially with those other perversions they've wreaked of late. In fact, if You could get Tom Cruise himself to kill this project, I promise to clean my room and make my bed and eat my vegetables as long as I... well, You know.

So how about it, God? I'm really a sweet girl, but isn't enough enough? Let me know...

xo,

Heather

PS Leroi Moore, God? Really? That's just mean.

Most observers seem to think its a scenario as likely as the anthrax contagion rumored to be puffed through MGM Tower's central A/C, but frankly, we're in love with the idea. Moreover, we're in love with the 91-year-old mogul still rocking the brass balls it takes to reportedly offer $3 billion for the studio he sold to Sony four years ago for $5 billion:

Kerkorian's purported $3 billion offer roughly equates to the value of the studio implied in recent trading activity in MGM debt instruments, banking-community insiders noted. ...

Well-placed sources indicate MGM is sufficiently capitalized to fund film chief Mary Parent's ambitious new slate of film productions and other studio operations for at least another year. But after that, most believe, the studio likely will need to turn to new equity investors to maintain equilibrium.

We, too, had heard earlier whispers that Reliance Big Entertainment had considered an MGM bid before settling on DreamWorks for a fraction of the cost (and about 10 times the momentum), but thank goodness it took a pass. No potential deal boasts the appeal of Kerkorian 4.0, whose traditional role as Moribund MGM Heir historically augurs at least a few short-term miracles for the studio; the guy clearly can't wait to get in on that coveted remake of Red Dawn and/or putt around in the United Artists power vacuum. Which reminds us: Expect a press release from Harry Sloan by the end of the day assuring Hollywood that Tom Cruise is still in charge. He's just saying. Is all.

• Rumor values MGM at $3 billion [THR]

But, for whatever reasons—and Paula knows what they are—the much ballyhooed $500 million Merrill Lynch credit line went unspent, causing an increasingly nervous MGM chairman/UA remote-overlord Harry Sloan to enact a contingency coup that resulted, directly or indirectly, in a flurry of executive resignations culminating in Wagner's own. The once-moribund UA now returns to the comfortable, ghoststudio stasis in which it stagnates best. But what of the real issue now at hand—and by that we mean What This Means for Tom, and By Extension All of Hollywood, and By Further Extension Every Single One of Us?

Cruise's trajectory lately has been, for lack of a better metaphor, not unlike a Tori Spelling dinner party; it started out promising enough—some nice notices for his over-the-top, Scott Rudin-esque (whoever keeps comparing it to Sumner Redstone hasn't seen the movie) turn in Tropic Thunder—but ended with the actor seated squarely on the career crapper, surrounded by yes-men applauding his every movement. You know the beats: The curious case of Edwina A. Salt. The Scientology racketeering lawsuit. The whispers that he personally—personally!—pressed a pillow onto Isaac Hayes's face in his sleep when he found out the singer planned on donating none of his $750 Sunset Junction earnings to the Church.

Here's MGM's press release on the split, followed by Wagner's own statement:

"Paula Wagner, Chief Executive Officer of UA, has decided to leave her day-to-day responsibilities and return to her first love, which is producing films. As such, MGM and UA confirmed today that Ms. Wagner will transition to the role of a producer under her own independent production shingle and be attached to UA’s most exciting film properties. In November 2006, United Artists was reborn under a partnership formed between Tom Cruise, Ms. Wagner and MGM. Ms. Wagner will continue to be a part owner of UA and hold a significant stake in UA’s future success. Nothing will change in regard to Mr. Cruise’s involvement with UA and he continues to have a substantial ownership interest in the company. Furthermore, Mr. Cruise and Ms. Wagner will continue to work on film projects together.

“I’ve truly relished working with my longtime partner Tom Cruise to revitalize United Artists, and I am proud of all that we’ve accomplished in the past two years, reinvigorating the brand and developing such a strong slate of films. But I always tell my sons, ‘Follow your passion’ – and I’ve got to follow that advice myself. As much as I’ve enjoyed my time as an executive, I have longed to return to my true love, which is making movies, so that’s what I’ve decided to do. I still believe in our vision for UA, and I am confident that Harry Sloan and our colleagues at MGM will see that vision through to reality.”

• Disunited Artists: Who wins, who loses [THR]
• Tom Cruise's Movie Studio Imploding: Paula Wagner Is DOA At United Artists; But Was It Suicide or Murder By MGM? [Deadline Hollywood Daily]

As one source explained to me, the only future for UA was if "Paula calls it a day, or the company implodes on its own, or a gun is put to Wagner's head by financiers and she greenlights things and then trusts in luck..."

UA under Wagner was way behind on the timetable dictated by its financing, I'm told. "Paula wasn't greenlighting movies, so she was about to lose a lot of the money. Her camp is trying to say MGM screwed up. We didn't, she did. Now MGM can get UA moving on at least 2 movies, and make sure they're released by a certain date, to keep the financing intact."

That said, I hear Wagner wants to go back to producing movies, but this time around she'll do it on her own.

Sure, she could do that, but this seems a perfect opportunity to return to her first love: acting. That is, after all, how she got her start, before her frustrated agent sat her down and told her what she really had was the soul of a baby-gobbling negotiator. Perhaps pacing outside a fluorescent-lit casting office, nervously running through her Big Bang Theory audition dialogue for Woman At Starbucks #2, is exactly what she needs to rediscover what she loved about this unforgiving business in the first place.

• Tom Cruise's Movie Studio Imploding: Paula Wagner Is DOA At United Artists; But Was It Suicide or Murder By MGM? [Deadline Hollywood Daily]

Look at it this way: If you had $500 million of Wall Street's money waiting to be spent on a few Tom Cruise projects, or maybe on some of these comic-book adaptations we hear are doing OK these days, or even on an annual $30 million rom-com that will land snugly and profitably among the summer doldrums, how fast could you greenlight four to six projects a year? Finke's sources say Wagner herself is the "problem" — as in she, not Cruise, stands to lose the most from a third, fourth or fifth UA project facing the kind of backlash drawn by Lions For Lambs and Valkyrie (the first of which, it bears noting in fairness, actually made money). We sympathize, to a point, but at some point you've just got to pull the trigger — figuratively, of course. After last week's drama, if we heard a gunman was loose in the building, we'd probably give up, too.

[Photo Credit: Variety]

• Another Top Executive Exits United Artists [DHD]

Follow the jump for the official e-mail making the rounds, and stay tuned for updates here as events warrant... Developing...

—-— Forwarded Message
From: xxxx
Date: Fri, 8 Aug 2008 11:40:48 -0700
To: xxxx
Conversation: MGM Tower Threat
Subject: MGM Tower Threat

This morning a call was received on the main MGM switchboard indicating that Anthrax would be put into the ventilation system of the MGM Tower, starting on the 20th floor.

Calls were immediately placed by MGM to Building Management as well as LAPD.

Building Management dispatched Engineers to examine the air conditioning systems and found no indication of tampering. These areas are secured and not accessible to tenants or guests of the building. The LAPD are conducting inspections within the building to look for evidence of tampering.

As a precautionary measure, Building Management has disabled the outside air intake for the Tower. Additionally, Security escorts will be required for any contractors working in the Tower and access to mechanical and electrical rooms will be restricted.

While we are not ordering an evacuation of the premises at this time, if you feel uncomfortable remaining at the Tower you may leave upon notification to your Supervisor.

###

Follow the jump for the official all-clear, plus a brief anthology of survivor stories from the front.

—-—Original Message—-—
From: xxxx
Sent: Tuesday, August 05, 2008 1:29 PM
To: xxxx
Subject: MGM Tower Threat

Please be advised that the police department didn't find anything problematic so there is no longer a cause for concern. Please return to work. Thank you for your cooperation.

And now, word from the displaced:

[E]verything seems ok. Icm is done cat calling caa assists across the street I guess cause they're returning now. Le sigh. Back to work. Just another crazy thing to happen in century city I'd hate to see what's next.

Friend of mine just had lunch next to evacuees —they said the receptionist who took the call couldn't tell whether it was a young boy or young girl.

The all clear came in @1:30, nothing found, and a slightly passive aggressive "please return to work right the fuck now" (w/me adding "the fuck") on the auto recording — threat was called into a something called a "christianson glaser" (not sp correctly) — and there's a guy playing ragtime on the grand piano in the bldg lobby. Literally writing this, most work I've done today.

Follow the jump for the full memo, and best wishes to those affected in Century City. Developing...

—-—- Forwarded Message
From: xxxx
Date: Tue, 5 Aug 2008 10:30:25 -0700
To: xxxx
Conversation: Building Evacuation
Subject: Building Evacuation

Please be advised that another tenant in the MGM Tower has received a bomb threat. The Los Angeles Police Department has been notified and is on site. Although the threat indicated that the device would be activated at noon, nothing has been verified at this time, as a precaution we have decided to evacuate the building between 11am and 2pm. You will be evacuated by the Floor Warden’s two floors at a time.

Please call the MGM Hotline for an all-clear prior to returning to the MGM Tower at 2:00 pm, the number is [redacted].

But at least we have some more local laying-waste to look forward to, as opposed to, you know, Detroit:

Here's the logline: Present day Los Angeles, 20 years afterthe termination of the RoboCop program, the city decides to reinstate the program. If this all happens, I'd love to introduce Aronofsky to The Dark Knight, where he can see how to do it right...

Of course, Aronofsky was the one Warners passed over in favor of Christopher Nolan's Batman Begins, leaving Aronofsky the indistinct pleasure of watching the studio dump his messy, misbegotten The Fountain in the general vicinity of the multiplex in late 2006. The filmmaker needs a boost as much as MGM itself; he's a risk, but one worth taking if they must overhaul the franchise. We figure Justin Theroux will be on the hook for a screenplay draft by the end of August.

• 'RoboCop' Logline Reveals It's Actually a Sequel [Bloody Disgusting via /Film]

But at least Sloan stuck to the script when it came to United Artists — not that he has much choice with Valkyrie having consumed the $95 million it has, but his and studio president Mary Parent's optimism is decidedly advanced from his comments to the same paper a month-and-a-half ago:

MGM's financial records show that UA has already consumed about $150 million of its $500 million financing fund. But if the UA fund begins to dry up, Mr. Sloan says he is ready to replenish it.

"We're not going to let that thing fail," he said. "That is a non-duplicatable asset today, in these credit markets." ...

"[Valkyrie] didn't get out of the gate right, so we have to make sure there's adequate time to contextualize the film," Ms. Parent says. "It's a hard sell. It just is. But it's a film that people will be proud of."

Well, since she puts it that way — President's Day weekend, here we come!

• MGM: A Lion or a Lamb? [NYT]

Originally made for TV, the German Valkyrie features The Lives of Others/Black Book actor Sebastian Koch as the eyepatched, would-be Hitler killer Col. Claus von Stauffenberg — also Cruise's role in the American version. Cruise, meanwhile, stars opposite Carice van Houten — Koch's Black Book co-star and real-life love interest. If Harvey has the balls (and/or the cash) to release Operation Valkyrie theatrically, especially before Singer's Valkyrie emerges from hiding, look forward to the most spectacularly awkward Tom Cruise premiere ever.

• TWC buys up German 'Valkyrie' [Variety via Lou Lumenick]

As for all the bad buzz surrounding Valkyrie, from MGM subsidiary UA, Sloan said that photos of an eyepatch-clad Tom Cruise as an SS officer were "a little bit unfortunate," but were released to reassure the German government about the seriousness of the project.

MGM/UA's prepared to prevail over the nay-sayers. "We've had image problems before," Sloan said, alluding to early negativity on hits like Casino Royale and Rocky Balboa. "The film will speak for itself."

Not any more it won't. Let's hope the German government didn't get a look at the Valkyrie trailer or happen to notice when MGM pushed its release date a second time to February 2009; we can probably safely assume they don't read Roger Friedman, right?

• MGM: two up for remake treatment [THR]

Hot Tub follows a group of guys, adults who used to be cads back in their heyday, who, after a night of vodka and Red Bulls in a hot tub, travel back in time and set out to rediscover their "mojo."

"We're always looking for ways to stand out from the rest of the pack in today's crowded marketplace, and what better way than to combine hot tub debauchery and the complications of time travel," said [Boyter], who will oversee the project along with the company's Becky Sloviter.

Even as we admire Boyter's sense of humor, we weep for the millions of dollars that he and Sloviter — in her lone contribution to the film's "oversight" — will take turns lighting on fire and flushing down toilets at an MGM soundstage over the six-week shoot. Moreover, as much as we want to trust Boyter and the script by newcomer Josh Heald, no amount of vision can ever redeem "Red Bull" as a plot point. The marketplace isn't that crowded.

• MGM turns on the 'Hot Tub' jets [THR]

Mr. Cruise, his partners at United Artists and the Valkyrie filmmakers are bracing for what will likely be a nine-month fight to prove their critics wrong. "We will not be daunted," Paula Wagner, chief executive of United Artists, said last week.

During a 90-minute interview at the company's headquarters in a Century City office tower, Ms. Wagner said she and her fellow executives were intent on overcoming negative reactions that she saw as rooted in ignorance of the process of building movie production companies.

"Anybody trying to dismiss us or write us off doesn't understand the business," Ms. Wagner said. She added: "Nothing is going to stop us. We are determined to make this work."

OK, we admit it: We don't understand the business. Like the second release-date shift out of Oscar season and into the dramatic dumping ground of February? That's apparently totally normal. That whole thing about Mary Parent showing up on the scene and reportedly getting a base salary of $5 to $6 million to remake MGM on her own, non-UA terms? Totally coincidental — nothing to do with UA's flailing! MGM chief Harry Sloan's vague defense of UA? A ringing endorsement! That public lunch date between Cruise and Sumner Redstone? Nothing to do with movies! Redstone probably just wanted recommendations for Suri's birthday gift — preferably an action franchise installment under $125 million.

Or maybe we understand the business just enough to know we've seen this before. To paraphrase Paul Sunday in There Will Be Blood, "We'd like it better if you didn't think we were stupid." It's not like we want to see UA fail, but come on. Even Roger Friedman can see this one coming.

• The Nazi Plot That's Haunting Tom Cruise and United Artists [NYT]

In the end, the studios just wanted more for their films' pay-cable rights than Showtime was willing to pay. This much was somewhat old news; Viacom and Paramount haven't quite seen eye-to-eye with CBS boss Les Moonves and Showtime chief Matt Blank for some time. The vertical integration implied by their output deals — Showtime had rights to Paramount releases through the end of 2007 — was less a function of convenience than an increasingly forced pairing, especially as Showtime's original programming (Weeds, Dexter, The Tudors) took off over the last few years. Showtime's output deals with MGM and Lionsgate — booked through the end of this year — were just as fragile in the Redstone and Viacom CEO Phillipe Dauman's volatile corporate culture.

Nikki Finke was first on the scene when news broke on Sunday:

Moonves wanted to drastically cut the price for Paramount pics, arguing that "the pay channel world isn't what it used to be" and the value of movies on pay TV has decreased while the importance of hot new scripted original series have increased. I'm told that, as the bargaining dragged on, the Paramount/Viacom camp, once optimistic that it would all work out, lost patience with Moonves' "hard line" and resented being lowballed. Now it looks like Les over-negotiated because Paramount, MGM and Lionsgate have found refuge thanks to Viacom. This new premium TV channel by Viacom, Paramount, MGM and Lionsgate is that old Hollywood maxim at work: Don't get mad. Get even.

Well, yeah. One observer told Finke that Moonves is "royally screwed" — for starters, there are no studios left on the market for output deals. A defiant Blank, however, is standing tall this morning in Variety:

"We're not willing to sell our network down the river for product that's not as valuable as it used to be," he said. "We wish them well. ...

"We've been having unbelievable success with our original programming," Blank said. "Can you name one movie Showtime has aired in the last three years? But people sure do know The Tudors and Californication and Dexter and Weeds."

Take that spin for what you will, but we're of a mind with David Poland: Apart from drunken Sunday-afternoon pissing contests, what's really in this for the 'Mount? Showtime keeps the studio's library for a while still, leaving MGM and Lionsgate's libraries (along with upcoming, inconsistent Paramount product ranging from Iron Man to The Love Guru) the primary source of programming. (DreamWorks films are aligned separately with HBO.) As such, reports The New York Times, original programming may be in the cards when the new channel launches in late 2009. But why pay hundreds of millions to enter that fray when HBO and Showtime have spent years establishing the institutional upper hand?

Sometimes there is no explanation for this kind of stuff besides entertaining Emperor Redstone — and us. We could watch Brad Grey cannibalize Les Moonves all day. Nevertheless, somebody out there knows something the rest of us don't; maybe an original program is jumping ship? Moonves lost a poker bet with MGM chief Harry Sloan over the weekend? Your guesses are as good as ours.

[Photo Credit: Getty Images]

• Studios team on VOD venture [Variety]

The fallout from this move also effectively kills Cruise and partner Paula Wagner's United Artists revival at MGM. Our speculation as to whether or not UA could fill the potential DreamWorks void at Paramount hardly seems to matter when Cruise goes 0-for-2 with Lions For Lambs and Valkyrie, with the latter strikeout sending the humiliated schmogul and his pride to Team MGM's disabled list. Right now the best Cruise can hope for is a Mission Impossible 4 green light at Paramount — without the heavy back-end, without the Scientology drama and without the antics that earned Sumner Redstone's public enmity in 2006. Either that or a vacation to the John Hughes estate or a similarly low-lying area where his mystique (and demand) can recover away from the Valkyrie shock and awe. We'd miss him, of course, but we'd understand if he and the family wanted to decompress.

Of course that won't happen; his vulnerability makes him too attractive a target for new partners who can appeal to his ego. Per UA's agreement with MGM, a lot of those calls will run through Parent's office, an escalating power conduit in itself from which the Valkyrie whacking (not to mention Rick Sands' departure and last week's acquisition of the coveted Robert Ludlum property The Matarese Circle) is the soundest expression yet of who is in charge at the Lion. "She will be damn sure to pick movies she can market," Anne Thompson wrote Monday at her Variety blog. "That's half the battle. And Hollywood sat up and took notice of this move, because they know that Parent gets it." At least someone here does. Movie star, heal thyself.

PREVIOUSLY: Delayed Flight of 'Valkyrie' a Good Sign, Says MGM

We assumed when MGM first pushed back the July 4th release date of Valkyrie, the historical bore-ama directed by Bryan Singer, it was because they came to their senses about releasing a Nazi film on our country's most patriotic day. But the new date, October 3rd, was just so predictable. After all, that's when all the good dramas start coming out. And MGM wants no part of that crowd. After the days of damaged footage, injured extras, and endless re-shoots, the best thing for Valkyrie would surely be to push its release once more, right?

"When an opening became available for President's Day Weekend, we seized the opportunity," said president of domestic distribution Clark Woods (who presumably won his job in an MGM executive poker game by being the best bluffer). "Moving into a big holiday weekend is the right move." Oh, you mean the big holiday weekend that has seen such historical masterpieces as Jumper, Ghost Rider and Eight Below top the box office over the last three years? Thank god the film that was holding that coveted weekend - The Wolf Man, with Benicio Del Toro as a half-man/half-werewolf - got moved so Singer could hop in there with his magnum opus .... And just in time for Oscar season!

• MGM delays 'Valkyrie' release again

Delicious as they were, Redstone's takedowns of Cruise during the pair's 2006 bust-up never exceeded the realms of showmanship; the hard feelings that surfaced in the press aren't quite what you'd call insurmountable. Especially under these circumstances, with Paramount facing the loss of its disgruntled moguls (and their properties) at DreamWorks and Cruise (with producing partner Paula Wagner) wedged into an already over-budget, so-far-so-bad production and distribution deal with MGM — which owns about 65 percent of UA but is also hedging with reliable, low-maintenance new hires to create a totally separate production slate. None of this pleases Cruise and Wagner, who are reportedly disappointed enough in MGM's feeble infrastructure to buy MGM out with a percentage of future deals headed back to the studio. If they did it at Paramount, though, with Redstone capping budgets around $60 million, would it even be worth it?

We're just saying, of course. There's no accounting for ego and/or hard feelings, but really, there's not that much water under these guys' bridge. And we all know lunch at the Polo Lounge is never just "lunch." Is it?

• Mission Possible: Redstone, Cruise Re-Establish Ties [WSJ]
• All Forgiven? [NYP]

Not shockingly, nobody involved is commenting on the shuffle, but the pressure is on as Parent and MGM kingpin Harry Sloan count on Boyter's touch with hits including Wedding Crashers and Elf — as opposed to his lesser-achieving New Line-obit-stuffers like Semi-Pro — to nudge the lion out of hibernation for the first time in years. Sands will no doubt land on his feet; we hear Paramount may have an office on the lot open in the near future.

• MGM's Parent hires Cale Boyter [Variety]

"It feels great to be here," said former Lollipop Guild member Maren, taking in the scene outside the Chinese Theater below an arc of rainbow balloons—a far more fitting tribute than 1981's Under the Rainbow, the crappy Chevy Chase movie that depicted them as a pack of horny, drunken savages swinging from the fixtures of the Culver Hotel.

[Photo: Getty Images]

• "Oz" Munchkins get Hollywood star [Reuters]

Just wanted to alert you to the fact that Stallone just appeared on The 700 Club to discuss the Christian allegorical element in Rocky. He claimed at one point that not for a moment does he think he wrote the script alone — that's right, Rocky as prophetic text. I half expected him to crack up when he bade a pious farewell to Pat.

There's a brief summary of the Stallone segment on The 700 Club website, which we've excerpted after the jump:

Stallone says that in the past, his ego and worldly temptation's took over in his life and he went spiraling out of control. Rather than living like Rocky with some sense of ideal, he didn't. "I thought I was entitled to things. You're not entitled to anything," Stallone says. "You are what you leave behind." Stallone says the more he goes to church, and the more he turns himself over to the process of believing in Jesus and listening to his Word and helping him guide his hand, he feels as though the pressure is off himself.

Even with the recent doubts cast on the truthfulness of the Rocky backstory, we suppose that it would be a little cynical of us to suggest that an opportunistic Stallone showed up to chat with Pat Robertson about how he's put his career in God's hands just to drum up some business from the Passion of the Christ crowd. At least (as far as we know) the actor didn't go so far as to claim that he wrote the original script in the margins of a Bible while sitting in the confessional at his church, or relate an anecdote about how he finally won the fight with writing partner Jesus that resulted in Rocky being a scrappy, underdog boxer instead of a humble carpenter.

• Sylvester Stallone on Faith, Integrity, and Rocky Balboa [CBN.com]

· At last night's premiere of Rocky Balboa, star Sylvester Stallone and pals Arnold Schwarzenegger, Bruce Willis, Patrick Swayze, Dolph Lundgren, and Christian Slater briefly gathered by the bar to share a few laughs about the good old days, but quickly scattered when Slater began his pitch for a six-way buddy comedy about a bunch of past-their-prime actors who enroll in the Police Academy together. [Note to MGM: We will sue if you put this into development.]
Q: "What has seven legs, male and female reproductive organs and nub antlers?" A: We don't know, but didn't it just get into Eddie Murphy's car on Santa Monica Boulevard? [via Boing Boing]
Amy Poehler's breasts are now a matter of public record, but at least her baby factory is still locked down.
We're going to be really depressed if this amazing video turns out to be some kind of viral ad for Famima pork buns. Which, we might add, are totally delicious.

[Photo: Getty Images]

"A lot of people said, 'Just sit down, don't embarrass yourself'," Stallone says. "There is this incredible resistance to anyone who seems to want a second shot: 'You had your moment, now f—- off'." [...]

"It nags me that I took the easy way instead of the high road," he says. "But everyone makes mistakes. I look around at people my age, and I can see it in their eyes—a kind of bittersweet reflection: 'I didn't live the life that I wanted, and now I've got all this stuff I want to say, but nobody wants to hear it.' I was feeling that, and if you don't get it out, it can become a beast that tears you apart."

Over the years, Stallone often complained that he wasn't being allowed to grow beyond the "Rocky" movies. Still, he kept making them. Then "Rocky V," featuring a bankrupt Balboa, flopped. "It was my fault," he says. "Everything in it was dark and dismal. People came to that movie for uplift and I took them into a mine shaft and turned out the lights." [...]

"I don't understand aging gracefully," he says. "I'll always be at war with that. I'd rather age ungracefully, kicking and screaming. Don't hand me down my top hat and walking cane. You know, I went to speak at the AARP—did you know that starts at 50?—and I said, 'Yes, youth must be served. After us. And we're going back for seconds and thirds'."

Finally! Among the bleak talk of regrets over mistakes made and years wasted in the service of empty (though fortune-making) stardom, a note of defiance. We just hope that Stallone's claim that he's "going back for seconds and thirds" doesn't mean that he's planning on mining still darker parts of his resume for sequels, as cashing paychecks for Oscar II: The Return of Snaps Provolone and Stop Again! Or My Mom Will Shoot! I Mean It This Time! will be much harder to sell as a brave fight against Hollywood obsolescence.

[Photo: Newsweek]

• Rocky's Final Round [Newsweek]
• Previously: Stallone Tries To Guilt Public Into Seeing New 'Rocky' Movie [Defamer]

Shame, shame, shame on Harvey and Bob Weinstein, and their distributor MGM's Harry Sloan, for opening a holiday-themed slasher movie on Christmas Day. I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw the ads and release date for Black Christmas from Dimension/MGM. The promos even make fun of "people who express outrage" as well as the plot's body count. And the entertainment industry wonders why it continues to have a huge PR problem as promoters of garbage? Showbiz marketing calls this counter-programming.

Still, I don't understand: just how many disturbed human beings does The Weinstein Company and MGM think actually want to go see a gory movie on December 25th — specifically, a remake of a 1974 horror flick in which a college sorority house is terrorized by a psycho who makes frightening phone calls and murders the girls during the holiday break. Is the intended audience supposed to be non-Christians?

Should the Weinsteins fail in their clear mission to destroy Christmas this time, we fear that they'll redouble their efforts next year, partnering with New Line to reimagine this year's earnest, Christian-positive flop The Nativity Story as a slasher flick about the newborn Baby Jesus going on a murderous rampage through Bethlehem, a counterprogramming attack sure to finish the job started by Black Christmas.

• Weinsteins & MGM To Release Xmas Crap [Deadline Hollywood]

"People were saying the parade had gone by, and who was I to try and bring it back again?" Mr. Stallone said during a phone interview last week. "I just felt that I've had a lot of regrets in the past 15 years, and I had to go back and rid myself of this regret." [...]

An artist dies twice, and the second death is the easiest one," Mr. Stallone said in speaking of his long fall from Hollywood's pinnacle. "The artistic death, the fact you are no longer pertinent — or that you're deemed someone whose message or talent has run its course — is a very, very tough piece of information to swallow." [...]

But he was not yet ready to accept obsolescence, even if that meant risking ridicule by turning back to the past. "Every generation runs its course, and they are expected to step aside for the next generation," Mr. Stallone said. "My peers are going through it right now, and they feel they have much to contribute, but the opportunity is no longer there. They're considered obsolete, and it's just not true. This film is about how we still have something more to say."

After Stallone's moving thoughts on artistic death and obsolescence, it's hard not allow yourself to be swept up by the thought that if Rocky Balboa doesn't do healthy opening weekend business, the actor will be stripped of his boxing gloves and bullet bandoleers, abducted from his mansion, and deposited in a wheelchair in the Faded Action Stars Retirement Home, where he will live out the remainder of his purposeless days being forcefed his own nutritional pudding by a nurse who annoyingly insists upon supplying him with constant updates about Vin Diesel's career. But before you allow yourself to succumb to a pity-motivated trip to his movie, remember that Stallone's peers have gone on to vibrant second acts as Governators and face-melting guitar shredders; if he merely takes up a hobby, he can spend the rest of his life as a similarly vital member of society.

• Yo, Rocky, or Rambo, Gonna Fly Now at 60 [NY Times]

"'Good for Tom — it's a great press release,' said media analyst Harold Vogel. 'But it's little beyond a press release and the revival of a moribund label that happened to be available.'" [LAT]

· "'The actors are not going to have a cakewalk,' said Harold Vogel, the author of 'Entertainment Industry Economics.' 'These investors don't say, "Oh, it's so glamorous to go to a party." They aren't that dumb. Instead they say, "You will get your money, but we get ours first."'" [NY Times]

· "'Does he still have it? That remains to be seen,' said veteran entertainment analyst Hal Vogel. 'This is not exactly a big studio, it's a moribund label,' Vogel added. 'Let's see what the projects are,' and how much financing they get." [NY Daily News]

We realize that Tom Cruise's newly resurrected United Artists is merely a brand within the MGM family, but we still think that his parent studio needs to recognize their historic partnership with the star in dramatic fashion. What better way to celebrate Cruise's incipient moguldom than by erecting a UA water tower atop MGM's headquarters, the kind of iconic structure that already beautifies the property of several competitors' lots? We feel so strongly about the idea that we've devoted a good five or six minutes of our in-house design department's valuable time to conceptualizing such a monument, which would loom intimidatingly over Century City and be visible for miles in every direction, letting the entire town know where Cruise's