· Corey Haim spent an entire segment of The Two Coreys surfing the Defamer comment section and walked away emotionally damaged. But darker days are looming ahead.
· Angelina Jolie gave birth to the Chosen Twins! No wait, it was just another false alarm.
· McLovin and some starlets, sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes some little McLovins in a baby carriage! But wait, watch out for that lightning storm!
· Madonna's frosty marriage to Guy Ritchie came thisclose to breaking down this week when reports surfaced that she's been fielding grounders from New York Yankees star Alex Rodriguez. And Lenny Kravitz has something to do with it.
· Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's DOA. But don't fret! There's a Friends movie on the way (maybe).
· We wished the happiest of happy birthdays to Lindsay Lohan and Tom Cruise.
· We busted out our long lost graphing calculator and got all scientific on your asses by examining the comedic rise and fall of Mike Myers.
· Nude Nicole Kidman vs. the fully clothed Katie Holmes proved to be an uneven fight.
· Fanboys from sea to shining sea creamed their collective jeans when Megan Fox dumped Brian Austin Green. Brett Ratner called dibs and already has some erotic literature ready for their first date.
· Denise Richards carefully explained to her 13-year-old nephew exactly what a threesome is.
· At long last, anal lubricant got the recognition it so justly deserves.

And with that, we are out. Have a happy and safe Fourth Of July, we'll see you on Monday!

In Honor of The 4th of July, Megan Fox Wins Her Independence From Brian Austin Green

Which Hottest Woman In The 'Maxim' Universe Totally Blew Off Jeremy Piven At The Guys Choice Awards?

When not proposing Entourage cameos to some of the world's greatest hell-to-the-divas, Jeremy Piven can often be found sidling up to one of our city's endlessly replenishable starlets with a patented ice-breaker ("So, have you been to India?"). The desired result is frequently achieved, and within minutes the two are zipping off in a hydrogen-powered Bentley to his place for a better look at his dhoti collection. Sometimes, however, Piven shoots a little too high, and his hottie-air balloon comes crashing down to the ground. Take, for example, a recent run-in with America's #1 fanboy-bait-object:

Disgraced 'Transformers 2' Extra Will Stop at Nothing For 15 Minutes of Justice

I'm contacting my lawyer because I can't believe that you got to this lower level dude...I really can't. I wasn't even in PHILLY or PA today and you type all this stuff? Like WTF? Are you the one acting crazy because I have too much proof to show how wrong you and the haters are.

Extra Thrown Off 'Transformers 2' Set 'Never Liked Michael Bay's Dumbass Shit Anyway'

A tipster sends word today of trouble having befallen the Philadelphia set of Transformers 2, where an extra was reportedly thrown off the shoot for conduct detrimental to the blockbuster. To wit: Reginald Brown, a regular contributor to Transformers producer Don Murphy's dysfunctional message boards, had nabbed the plum role of "Man Eating Hamburger" in one of the film's action sequences. Then, under his nom de fanboy Hedgehog, Brown filed a dispatch from wardrobe:

I took a glance at the clothing racks for SHIA and MEGAN too. I think I saw some really cool clothes for some character, then I saw MILITARY UNIFORMS then other clothing that the main characters were wearing. I like the jacket that SHIA is going to wear, it looks like something I would buy.

Whatever, right? Even Murphy himself shrugged: "Reg didn't sign [a non-disclosure agreement] to be on here ... If you think Reg is gonna have access to anything meaningful except a PB&J sandwich you're as confused as he seems to be." But then Brown tried to corner Michael Bay.

Diablo Cody To Accept Cookies & Mixtapes For Getting Megan Fox Topless

MTV Movie Awards Fashion Trends: Cleavage, Kinky Boots, And Oops! Lindsay Lohan's Thong

I Was Under The Impression That You Weren't Going To Wear A Top, That's All

Megan Fox As Naked As Allowed By Canadian Film Regulation Law

Pictured, tropical-bird-whisperer and Transformers star Megan Fox on the set of Jennifer's Body, the Diablo Cody-penned, super-kinetic Raimian horror film currently shooting in Vancouver. Wet, trembling, and with only two flesh-colored pasties (nothing to do with modesty, but actually a scripted wink to Cody's vocational past) preventing the full scope of her goodies from being on glorious display, it seems as though Fox, playing the film's bloodthirsty cheerleader protagonist, has mastered the "body" half of the title's equation. All that's left now is for her to tackle the tricky cadences of Cody's trademarked, Academy Award-winning dialogue, at which point the full of impact of lines like "Fried bologna is the bomb!" and "Slow down tardy slip. You sound like a sped," will earn the actress the Saturn nominations that have so eluded her until now.

The uncensored photo—very NSFW!—plus one more, is after the jump.

Jessica Alba, Disappointed That Her Pregnancy Is Taking Forever

Megan Fox's Parrot-Tonguing Exploits Delight Niche Publication

Megan Fox—whose coin-slot-baring performance in Transformers was egregiously overlooked by nearly all the major Hollywood awards (she did take Best Actress at the Golden Spankbaits)—is featured in this month's Paw Print Magazine. It's a publication for those who feel a little fenced-in by the rigid constraints of Dog and Cat Fancy, as demonstrated by the wide array of exotic photoshoot costars on display.

Et Tu, Megan?

But Don't You Know Who I Am?