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Posts Tagged “

Martha Stewart

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short ends

Whoopsi Goldberg Still Getting The Hang Of Correctly Identifying International Pop Sensations

· Do you mean to tell us that between the combined casts of The View and The Love Guru, no one has the balls or heart to break the news to the Whoopsters that Timberland is the producer outdoorswear company, Timberlake is the singer, and Timbaland is the producer? Ugh, never mind. We can't keep those three straight either. [The View]
·Mary Lynn Rajskub's prenatal cravings to put a .22 caliber bullet between your eyes are getting stronger than ever. [MySpace]
· First Joan Rivers is booted from British TV for throwing around a few colorful words, now Martha Stewart isn't even being allowed into the country. Last we checked, this was the nation ruled by Queen Elizabeth II, right? When did they suddenly lose their tolerance for a crusty old bag? [Yahoo]
· Non-SAG hamster needed. [Craigslist]
· Citibank filed suit against poor Ed McMahon, saying he owes then $180,000. That's in addition to the $750,000 he owes AmEx. This really has gone too far, and if no one else will do it, then we suppose that leaves it to us: Please join us for Live Ed, a weekend-long concert benefit outside Defamer HQ, including performances by Blinded by Thongs, and, um, well that's it so far. More confirmations as they come! [TMZ]

5:15 PM on Fri Jun 20 2008
By Seth
1,716 views, 6 comments

Latest by n/a: How can that guy "rent" a hamster if he's not willing to pay anything? more »

music to macys ears

Macy's Enlists Mariah, Martha, And Donald's Combover To Push Products

We've quite enjoyed Macy's new marketing campaign in which they put together their design "stars" in fast-paced montages jam-packed with one-liners from the likes of The Donald, Martha Stewart and Jessica Simpson, who's fully come to terms with her dumb blonde schtick by agreeing to pretend she just can't figure out how to open the darn door to Macy's while schlepping boxes of her stripper shoes. But the latest spot has us confused. Featuring Mariah Carey (she has a fragrance, unlike any other celebrity we know!), Carlos Santana (highly respected shoe designer and sometimes musician!), Donald and Martha, the commercial's theme appears to be the way in which consumer goods can inspire...quasi-rhythmical snippets on Santana's legendary guitar? More »

4:58 PM on Fri Mar 21 2008
By Molly Friedman
1,186 views, 4 comments

Latest by n/a: Mariah Carey sucks...and she's annoying. freakin chipmunk face. more »

lush life

Martha Stewart Is No Lush, But She Sure Loves Getting Talk Show Hosts Trashed

After gleefully watching along as Martha Stewart doused Conan O'Brien with all sorts of lush-inducing cocktails, from Guinness to gin to mystery concoctions, we put on our thinking caps and sorted through our clip-clustered memories. After we cleared the cobwebs a bit, we remembered that this wasn't the first time Martha shared her love of liquor with television hosts. Loyal Defamer readers will recall her 8am rise-and-shine mixers with Meredith Vieira on The Today Show last month, and insomniacs will certainly remember her booze-on-the-brain appearance on The Late Show last week (in which she listed at least four indecipherable drinks she calls her "favorites"). But her fondness of ladylike cocktails doesn't stop there. Intrepid Defamer Videographer™ Molly McAleer put together a burp-filled mashup of our favorite Professional Housewife's alcohol-drenched appearances of late; as always, video is available the jump. More »

1:05 PM on Wed Mar 19 2008
By Molly Friedman
6,038 views, 6 comments

Latest by Molly McAleer: @iAlreadyHateYou: Hey! Not me! I'd knock back a couple with Martha any day... it's just fun to see someone who everyone thinks is so uptight have a little fun like the rest of us normies, right? more »

randy recipes

Martha Stewart Celebrates St. Patrick's Day By Getting Conan O'Brien Wasted

If you're looking to get wasted on national television, look no further than cocktail expert Martha Stewart. On last night's Conan, sweet-as-sugar Stewart instructed Conan on how to mix his own cocktails as a nod to O'Brien's Irish heritage. Though the very highbrow (and very femme) clover-adorned fruity drinks looked just scrumptious, Conan preferred chugging some gold old-fashioned Guinness instead. While it takes more than a few beers to eradicate all of that loveable trademark nervous energy that he brings to the Late Night set five nights a week, Martha tried her best to get Conan tipsy. More »

1:51 PM on Tue Mar 18 2008
By Molly Friedman
4,200 views, 10 comments

Latest by Tenno: I love 'gold old-fashioned Guinness'! ^_^ more »

short ends

Precocious Abigail Breslin Surprising Fan Of 'Metal Machine Music'


· Enjoy Blue Reed, Abigail Breslin's cat, while you can. We have a feeling he's going to go mysteriously missing very soon, the only clue to his whereabouts a note in what seems to be Dakota Fanning's handwriting reading, "Stop!"
· Rainn Wilson's ass to steal the show at the Spirit Awards.
·Scarlett Johansson does Tom Waits.
· It was all but inevitable: Ice Road Truckers is going to be adapted into a feature, probably to star The Rock as the slip-sliding-big-rig-drivingest badass the Canadian tundra has ever seen

6:00 PM on Wed Feb 13 2008
By Mark
2,515 views, 8 comments

Latest by Reggie Cameron: Martha's puzzling Mid-Atlantic speech is a continual source of enjoyment. My favorites: when she pronounces herbs HER-bs over annunciating the H sound. The other would have to be buffet which she pronounces BOO-FAY. None of this makes much sense since more »

it's five o'clock somewhere

Martha Stewart and Meredith Viera Jumpstart Their Day With Booze For Breakfast

Why the Today Show waited so long to combine massive martinis, Meredith Vieira and Martha Stewart into a segment is beyond us. After watching two of the most regal small screen dames tip back an early morning stiff one, we're ready to hand the producers a Daytime Emmy. The festivities began with Martha calmly asking Meredith if she'd prefer gin or vodka in her martini (no Cosmos for these boozehounds), Meredith got all flustered and said, "Uhhhh, whatever you recommend?!" Martha's suggestion? "I like vodka!" More »

11:15 AM on Wed Jan 30 2008
By mollyf
5,389 views, 17 comments

Latest by n/a: This is twice this month that Meredith gotten sloshed on tv. I found her champagne binge on New Year's Day a perfect way to celebrate my own hangover. This is why I'll always watch the Today Show. more »

celebrity bellywatch

'National Enquirer' Reminds Us That Celebrities Drown Their Holiday Sorrows In Eggnog And Fruitcake, Just Like Us!

Predating the rest of the tabloid-come-latelys by many decades has given rack-based supermarket literature giant National Enquirer the clear advantage in the art of front-page editing: Whereas a lesser publication might have focused their special yo-yoing celebrity physique issue on one or two studies, perhaps cheapening the proceedings with a disparaging reference to "Jennifer Love Saddlebags," the Enquirer instead gives us a breathtaking mosaic comprised of famous-fatso body parts, accompanied by captions that make clever use of familiar references—"From 'Batman' to Fatman!" and "20 more pounds - Not a good thing!" standing out in particular.

More »

10:45 AM on Thu Jan 3 2008
By Seth
5,111 views, 6 comments

Latest by WendyKroy: @TryThisAtHome: I'm pretty sure that's Felicity Huffman - I've seen that shot someplace before. And, yes, it saddens me that I can recognize a pap shot of a Desperate Housewife's thighs but can't find Uzbekistan on a map. more »

it's an awkward thing

Martha Stewart's Secret To Getting Celebrities To Open Up Lies In Her Very Sharp Knives



Can we safely confide in you that the one person we've been able to rely upon this holiday season, there to comfort us daily with homemade butterscotch eggnog recipes and the proper shade of Krylon with which to gild our manteltop wreaths, is our rock, Martha Stewart?

More »

4:15 PM on Fri Dec 21 2007
By Seth
2,493 views, 4 comments

short ends

Martha Stewart Disappointed That Trump Steaks Not Made From Grade-A, All-Donald Beef



· Hold on a second...did Martha Stewart just say that it's "too bad" that Trump Steaks aren't actually made from her old Apprentice boss's freshly slaughtered flesh? We think she did! She'll be dead by morning.
· Jamie Lynn Spears probably made herself pregnant by laughing at Knocked Up.
· "Occasionally cradling the doll-baby Jesus, Lohan was asked to compare holding the savior of Christianity with cradling Lindsay when she was born 21 years ago."
· Hey, Christmas unicorn.

6:15 PM on Wed Dec 19 2007
By Mark
2,403 views, 9 comments

Latest by Miss d: What's with the collection of pans hanging in the window? Obviously Martha and Joan run alittle ala carte restaurant during the ad breaks... more »

short ends

Another Martha Stewart Overshare


· In yet another one of those uncomfortable Martha Stewart Show moments that keep us coming back over and over again, the host describes her mother's recent stroke in such alarming detail that we now know not only the name of the hospital in which she's recovering, but the exact floor her room is on.
· Borat's book-signing featured filthy children, vanilla faces, and, of course, the requisite dude in a neon nut-sling.
· Grey's Anatomy McPicketing! How did we miss that opportunity yesterday? Maybe we were distracted by the weiners.
· J. Lo knocked up, officially. We know her refusal to disclose the contents of her uterus had really been eating at you.

6:13 PM on Thu Nov 8 2007
By Mark
3,461 views, 10 comments

Latest by LipstickLibrarian: @MAGNUM: I noticed that, too. Two hours in a car! How common. more »

getting even

Queen Rosie Shows Her Former 'View' Friends How To Really Celebrate Halloween


You know who wasn't going to stay home on the couch this Halloween, posting Flickr photos of herself gobbling fun-size Snickers bars by the handful while watching her old The View couchmates delight the daytime-TV-craving masses with their sassy flapperwear? Rosie O'Donnell, that's who! Trussed up in the most luxurious Elizabethan finery The Martha Stewart Show's wardrobe budget would allow, O'Donnell dropped by to liven up her old friend's oppressively dour chatfest with her signature brand of merrymaking; even the normally mirthless Stewart had to crack a smile when Rosie insisted on communicating only in the piercing upper register of a British monarch so constipated by queenly propriety that she hadn't moved her royal bowels for the entirety of her reign.

3:25 PM on Wed Oct 31 2007
By Mark
2,236 views, 5 comments

Latest by scroll_lock: So Rosie didn't have a carpetmunching, hostile, unfunny, psychotic, meds-chomping, haiku-butchering fatass outfit to wear? more »

short ends

Martha Stewart Grabs Scissors, Hacks At Pumpkin Crotch, Makes Us Squirm Yet Again


· No, it's not Martha Stewart sharing the story of a friend who went "into the wild" and never returned. Nor is it Joey Pants discussing suicide and clinical depression. But the above clip of The View co-host Sherri Shepherd (who, we're discovering, may have something of an anal/genital fixation) and Martha snip-snipping away at parallel Halloween costume while saying the word "crotch" with alarming frequency makes us uncomfortable in a new and exciting way. Are we getting a little weirdly obsessed with this show and Stewart's uncanny recent ability to produce moments that give us the willies? Maybe so. But? Crotch. Crotchcrotchcrotch.
· Good news: Jon Stewart's signed on for another two more years of Daily Show duty.
· For those who feel the Teri Hatcher mask might be too creative a Halloween choice, here are some safer, less imaginative costume alternatives.
· Now Ashton Kutcher knows why he's had unexpected sexual feelings while watching The Osbournes.
· Someone should probably tell the people trying to drop pounds as quickly as The Biggest Loser contestants that all the weight loss on the show is done with CGI and creative editing.

6:05 PM on Thu Oct 18 2007
By Mark
3,884 views, 5 comments

Latest by n/a: Just what we need, another fire colored crotch! more »

freaking out martha

Joey Pants Cooks Up A Big Pot Of Sadness With Martha Stewart


Today on Martha, daytime TV's new home of uncomfortable, tragedy-tinged moments: Actor Joe "Joey Pants" Pantoliano, lightly hypnotized by the calmingly repetitive motion of stirring up a pot of pasta putanesca, shares news of his recently diagnosed clinical depression, the suicide of a loved one, and his long-suppressed affection for his irresistible host. Taken aback by his unexpected soul-baring, Stewart calmly adds a bowl of crushed Zoloft to Pantoliano's recipe, a special ingredient she always keeps handy in the event that one of her guests tries to make an unwelcome emotional connection during their promotional appearance.

2:44 PM on Tue Oct 16 2007
By Mark
5,331 views, 12 comments

Latest by Pubeinmysoup: Martha went to prison and carved animal figurines with a spoon she smuggled from the lunch room and this douche is talking about feelings? more »

short ends

Sometimes Things Get A Little Weird On 'Martha'


· On today's Martha: "Hey, Marcia Gay Harden, star of Into the Wild, have you ever actually known anyone who's 'gone into the wild?' No? Huh, that's funny. Because I do, and she never came back. Well, since you don't have any topical stories about tragedy to share, what do you say we get back to pretending to make these cookies or whatever."
· Have you ever noticed that all of the white protagonists in Wes Anderson movies seem to work out their romantic issues with ladies of color? Well, someone did. [via Feministing]
· Beckett Boo, Esq., catspotter extraodinaire, has been to Promises.
· The headline of the day, and it wasn't even close: Sculptor's crack baffles art world. Do we even care what the story's about? No, not really.
· Shooting on David Hasselhoff's new E! show has apparently begun ahead of schedule.

6:13 PM on Tue Oct 9 2007
By Mark
9,857 views, 15 comments

Latest by Trixie from Toronto: @Bufflekins: I looooaaaaatttthhhhe Rachael Ray. Would love to see Martha tee off on that yappy ditz. more »

mentors

Jane Fonda To Discover She's The Only One Lindsay Lohan Can Count On


More »
martha stewart

Fictional Cannibalism A Romantic Deal-Breaker For Martha Stewart

None of us will ever really know what exactly went down behind the razorwire-and- chocolate-frosting-fortified walls of Camp Cupcake, but whatever it was, it appears to have melted the ice sculpture known as Martha Stewart into a woman of almost human-like coloring and behavior. Whether standing up to a bullying Donald Trump and his hair, aloofly fending off Borat's amorous advances on The Tonight Show, or, most recently, holding her own against Sirius co-jock Howard Stern and his probing questions about sex behind bars, Martha 2.0 is all about letting us in. Take, for example, her candid insights from that same Stern interview about why things never worked out with crush-object Sir Anthony Hopkins: More »

11:19 AM on Wed Dec 20 2006
By Seth
90 views, 7 comments

Latest by WaldoFeathers: I can't imagine a thrill more fine than doing a tango in popcorn sweater with Anthony Hopkins upstairs in a bedroom in a beautiful home in Maine. Waves crashing, rose clamped between his aged but virile gritted smile, one more »

martha stewart

Martha Comes Out Swinging

At last, Team Stewart has something to cheer about in the ongoing battle royale between Martha and Donald Trump. On Alexis Stewart's Sirius radio talk show last night, mom called in from her office, and the two had some fun getting a few below-the-belt shots at the Great Combovered One: More »

1:08 PM on Fri Feb 24 2006
By Seth
155 views, 8 comments

donald trump

Donald Not Quite Done Stomping Martha's Skull Into Ground

trump-martha.jpgWho hasn't, at one time or another, regretted leaving an irate voicemail, firing off an angry e-mail, or issuing an open letter to the media viciously lambasting a longtime friend for ruining a golden reality show spin-off opportunity? Not Donald Trump, however, in whose universe cooler heads never prevail. The Donald follows up his blisteringly personal attack on Martha Stewart not with a reparative olive branch, but with an interview with Newsweek.com today that quickly turns into yet another ad hominem Martha attack, even more vitriolic than the first: More »

10:02 AM on Thu Feb 23 2006
By Seth
333 views, 13 comments

Latest by pipharper: When is Oprah going to have an Apprentice? I'd like to see the Donald try to talk about Oprah like that. more »

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