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wife swap
Today in A-Rod / Madge / Kravitzgate: Divorce, Exploitation and Parisian Landlords
For the first time in our country's history, the epicenter of America's commemorative period of fireworks and independence appears to have shifted to Miami. There, we've learned, the intercoital clusterfuck of Madonna, Alex Rodriguez, Lenny Kravitz and Guy Ritchie has reached its nadir with a Rodriguez divorce now officially on the way — freeing the Yankees slugger to (allegedly) pursue whatever pop paramour his heart desires. Except Madonna and Ritchie are still in matrimonial business — literally — and apparently will be for a while. More »
The Clip Show
The Lost Boy
· Corey Haim spent an entire segment of The Two Coreys surfing the Defamer comment section and walked away emotionally damaged. But darker days are looming ahead.
· Angelina Jolie gave birth to the Chosen Twins! No wait, it was just another false alarm.
· McLovin and some starlets, sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes some little McLovins in a baby carriage! But wait, watch out for that lightning storm!
· Madonna's frosty marriage to Guy Ritchie came thisclose to breaking down this week when reports surfaced that she's been fielding grounders from New York Yankees star Alex Rodriguez. And Lenny Kravitz has something to do with it.
· Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's DOA. But don't fret! There's a Friends movie on the way (maybe).
· We wished the happiest of happy birthdays to Lindsay Lohan and Tom Cruise.
· We busted out our long lost graphing calculator and got all scientific on your asses by examining the comedic rise and fall of Mike Myers.
· Nude Nicole Kidman vs. the fully clothed Katie Holmes proved to be an uneven fight.
· Fanboys from sea to shining sea creamed their collective jeans when Megan Fox dumped Brian Austin Green. Brett Ratner called dibs and already has some erotic literature ready for their first date.
· Denise Richards carefully explained to her 13-year-old nephew exactly what a threesome is.
· At long last, anal lubricant got the recognition it so justly deserves.
And with that, we are out. Have a happy and safe Fourth Of July, we'll see you on Monday!
wife swap
The Defamer Guide To The Whole Madonna / A-Rod / Lenny Kravitz Situation
If you've looked at the Internet at all this past week, you've probably gleaned that there's something going on with Madonna, Guy Ritchie, A-Rod and, most recently, Lenny Kravitz. A lot has happened in a very short time and, quite possibly, many of you haven't been able to keep up. But don't feel ashamed, that's what we're here for! Just read our handy dandy guide to the action after the jump and you'll have plenty to talk about at your 4th of July BBQ. More »
Madge-Rod
Flack's Denial Pretty Much Confirms Madonna And A-Rod Are Doing It
But what of little David Banda? For whatever reasons, that was our first reaction to rumors that the marriage of conical-bra-popularizer Madonna to lad-flick director Guy Ritchie was all but over. Well, when we actually stop to think about it, we can figure out the reasons: Lourdes and Rocco are half Ciccone—meaning their DNA is hardwired to withstand just about anything life could throw at them. What's more, were there a divorce, the two elder siblings could access their respective biological dads at virtually any moment with little more than an international mobile calling plan. But not little David: His known world would be splintered apart, one parent flouncing off to the country of hot dogs and baseball, the other staying put in bangers-and-cricket land. His real dad, meanwhile, was a world away, catching glimpses of the domestic unrest in his local Malawian celebrity tabloid, and second-guessing all the while his decision to sell his son to the global pop icon for a year's salary and a signed copy of "The Immaculate Collection." We prayed—oh, how we prayed!—that somehow these two would make it work. Clearly, God hates us:
More »Us Weekly reports in its new issue, on newsstands tomorrow, that Madonna's seven-year marriage to Guy Ritchie has stalled out – and the singer has been hosting late-night visits from New York Yankee Alex Rodriguez at her Central Park West apartment in New York City.
True Blue
Madonna's Next Single Likely To Be 'D-I-V-O-R-C-E'
Just a few days ago, we outlined our top three reasons as to why Madonna and her (current) husband Guy Ritchie will never be having "incredible sex" again. Well, it seems that we can now add a fourth reason to that list — Madonna has reportedly enlisted the counsel of top notch British lawyer solicitor Fiona Shackleton. Before you dismiss "Steel Magnolia" (no really, that's her nickname) as being nothing more than the English version of Arnie Becker, it's worth noting that she is the tiny, dental-hygiene-challenged island's highest profile divorce litigator, having negotiated both Prince Charles' and Paul McCartney's divorce (the latter of whom left his case $50 million poorer). However, lest you think that Madge is driving this lorry all by her lonesome, it's worth noting that Guy Ritchie seems to be just as fed up with Madonna as she is with him. Quoth The Daily Mail:
More »Film-maker Ritchie is increasingly frustrated with his wife’s habit of ‘chummying up’ to her much younger musical collaborators, who have included Justin Timberlake and dancer/producer Stuart Price.
Lists
Three Reasons Why Madonna Will Never Have 'Incredible Sex' With Guy Ritchie Again
The seven-year itch has reportedly struck the unusually long and strong union between Madonna and Guy Ritchie, but news of the split isn’t exactly sending anyone into shock. It was only three years ago when Madonna practically divorced her frostylocks husband on television, telling the world in an MTV documentary that she “wanted to end everything,” and that Guy hadn’t lived up to whatever S&M-loving, hotel room-wrecking ideal she’d “imagined him to be.” But we’re not so sure the soft-spoken director of speedy-spoken indie flicks was necessarily the problem child in this couplet. Considering Madonna’s behavior over the past year or so, scented ever so slightly with desperation and Justin Timberlake’s ass cheeks, we came up with three of the most likely reasons we think the love story went sour: More »
slim fast
The Secret To Looking As 'Fit' As Gwyneth And Beyonce? Starve Yourself Silly, Of Course!
Coming in at number two right after Lesbian Chic on the list of 2008's hottest celebrity trends is the slim fast phenomenon sweeping the pounds off Catherine Zeta-Jones’ ass, Britney Spears’ arms, and pretty much every inch of co-starvation partners Katie Holmes and Victoria Beckham. But of course, when Queen of Female Mind Control Oprah Winfrey puts in her two cents on the dieting front, every housewife and Oprah wannabe begins taking dutiful notes on how exactly she’ll take a few pounds off this time around. And according to a piece in the NY Daily News, Detox is the word. From Gwyneth and Beyonce to Ralph Fiennes and Vince Vaughn, these four varieties of temporary "cleansing" yourself are the current diet du jour. And of course, the question is: does it work? And more importantly, is giving up our nightly vino and succumbing to regular colonics worth looking like a lollipop head? Which celebrities are using which method, and visual evidence of their results, if any, after the jump. More »
Mommy Dearest
Five Tragic Tell-Alls From Celebrity Kin Looking To Cash In
Time to mark your calendars: Lynne Spears, mother of Britney and Jamie Lynn, has an official September release date for her memoir about raising two of the world’s most tabloid-friendly children, Through The Storm: A Real Story About Family And Fame In A Tabloid World. In the book, Spears will supposedly take the Dina Lohan route and disguise motherly resentment as motherly love and “express her love for her children and tell their stories through a mother's eyes,” according to the publisher, who specializes in “inspirational books and Bibles.” But how rosy and cozy can the tome’s description of family life be with a title referring to said life as a “storm”? And given the nature of celebrity family members' tell-alls in the past, coupled with the assurance that this will not be “a parenting book,” we certainly hope Lynne follows in the footsteps of Nancy Aniston and Virgie Arthur by revealing a bit more dirt than the rote "Britney And Jamie Lynn Were Perfect Angels" tales (given the fact that they’re, um, not these days). We took a closer look at five of the most trash-talking tell-alls from stars’ estranged and/or envious relatives to whet our appetite in the meantime:
More »
Shut Up And Dance
Justin Timberlake Thinks 'Madge Or Whatever She Calls Herself' Isn't Nearly As Hip As He Is
Apparently Justin Timberlake and Madonna’s time spent collaborating in the studio was far from the sexy joy ride in needle park we originally envisioned. As Timberlake tells the altar-bound Ellen in this clip, the pair actually spent most of their time butting their beautiful heads over song lyrics. As surprised as we were to learn that either one of them actually writes their own lyrics in the first place, we were just as unsurprised by Timberlake’s continuous failed attempts to prove how funny he can be without cue cards. Sounding both desperate for a laugh and downright mean for daring to put down the vocally challenged but still iconic Madonna, we think the trouser snake should give up his comedy routine schtick for good. More »
when celebrities attack
Top Five Classic Celebrity Paparazzi Attacks (As Inspired By Sienna Miller's LAX Handbag Assault)
Casual nudity enthusiast Sienna Miller became an official card-carrying member of that elite group of celebrities who unleash their hate of paparazzi by way of physical assault. As the Daily Mail reports, Miller swung her pricey purse at one pap's face yesterday at LAX, possibly because he was a resident of Pittsburgh, or maybe she simply mistook him for Jude Law (as the pictures show, there is a resemblance to the nanny-loving baldie). But Sienna's moment of outrage prompted us to recall our all-time favorite When Celebrities Attack moments in time, from Woody Harrelson's caught-on-tape choke-hold to Justin Timberlake and Cameron Diaz's romantically executed freakout years ago. Our five top picks after the jump: More »
frenching the french
Madonna Slips Female Fan Some Tongue On Stage, Lourdes Asks 'Is Mommy Gay?'
Madonna can pretty much do whatever she wants at this point and the world will shrug its shoulders, whether she's assaulting Justin Timberlake with needles or spreading her soon-to-be-50-year old legs on album covers. But the vocally-challenged icon has taken her recent trip down memory lane as a pansexual nympho to new heights by inviting a female fan on stage during her concert last night and pulling a repeat performance of Madonna And Britney Spit Swap. Why? As she put it, "Why do I have this relationship with France? I'm always drawn to working with French people - and frenching French people...Vive la France!" A closer look at the kiss step by step, plus suddenly gorgeous daughter Lourdes' reaction, after the jump. More »
the sort of chosen one
Lourdes Ciccone Leon Looks Less Like Madge, More Like That Other Celebrity Adoptress
Until now, most onlookers have been noting just how much little Lourdes Ciccone Leon looks like her mother, the vitamin-injecting, leg-spreading Madonna. And while she does have her mom's naturally dark hair and piercing eyes, we think the 12-year old mini-Madge looks much more like another pillow-lipped celebrity you may have heard of. Particularly when we place Lourdes' current visage next to the star-in-question's glamour shots when she was just a teenager herself: More »
Epic Tales of Red-Carpet Disgrace, No. 762:
Red-carpet rookie Scott Feinberg recently hit the Tribeca Film Festival's premiere of the Madonna-produced documentary I Am Because We Are, where his attempt to "question the most popular female music artist of the last thirty years" was met with a classic A-list stonewall. After voluntarily moving to the end of the press line, and after making the least of his audiences with Rosie O'Donnell and Bernadette Peters, and at that first glint of hope that maybe a $15 cab ride and all that waiting might pay off, comes the reality check: "I stick out my handheld recorder and, as she stands before me, ask the one question that I have been plotting for the entire wait—a question that I believe is of rare substance, deliberately flattering, and therefore inviting: 'Madonna! When did you first realize that you could use your celebrity for good, like you have done with this movie?' She heard me over the noise! She pauses for a split second! She opens her mouth to respond! And then... her 'handlers' guide her away." Ha! While it doesn't beat that one time we got called "white trash" at the New York premiere of Lust, Caution, we sympathize. You've gotta pay your dues, kid. [And the Winner Is]
a league of their own
Madonna & Rosie Do Their Best to Make Britney Look Like the Sane One
When it comes to Britney Spears' hard knocks and how she should fix 'em, everybody seems to have an opinion. (Ours is that she might want to consider a lovely little vacation in Kentwood, where there are plenty of doctors and no paparazzi). But rarely have the celebs offering their support come across as even more insane than Britney herself. Cue Madonna and Rosie O'Donnell. More »
slim fast
Trainer To The Stars Sells Out Demi Moore's 'Meaty' Thighs, 'Fleshy' Naomi Watts And 'Soft' Madonna
It's not just British tabloids ripping apart celebrity body parts; now their own trainers are turning against them to make a buck. Fitness expert Rob Parr has written the summer release Star Quality, in which he shells out detail after "fleshy" detail about the problem areas of stars like Demi Moore, Naomi Watts, and Madonna. And though the blurbs on the back merely outline the "types" of bodies each star had (hourglass, long and slender, and athletic, respectively), he delves far deeper into their Before states in the pages: "[Demi] lacked a defined waist, carried too much meat on her thighs, and was, by movie-star standards, thick overall."More »
madonna's makeover
Were Madonna's Muscles Too Masculine For The Cover Of 'Vanity Fair'?
Have the airbrushing elves at Vanity Fair gotten a little too nip-and-tucky in their April cover story on Madonna? As those nitpicky Fleet Street Brits over at The Daily Mail suggest, photos from inside the mag that show the nearly 50 year-old legend contorting herself into all sorts of quasi-sexy poses to prove her flexibility, barely resemble actual pictures taken of Madonna in real life. Madge was happy to show off her massive muscles at this year's Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame ceremony, and she rarely attempts to cover up when snapped venturing in and out of the gym, so why would the art directors at VF feel the need to smudge away each and every sign of her taut muscles? A mag spokesman claims they simply did "just a little work on skin tones and blemishes," but we decided to compare the real Madonna to the magically morphed piece of art seen in this month's issue after the jump:
More »
the not so hot factor
