The Paparazzi Take A Weekend Trip To Louisiana For Jamie Lynn Spears' Baby Shower

Britney Spears' Answer To Beating The Traffic Blues Includes Applying Makeup And Playing Bumper Cars

Looks like last week's news that the Britney Spears Comeback Tour were showing signs of slowing down were more prophetic than we thought. On Saturday night, Spears was on her way to break bread with her semi-estranged mother Lynne when she rear-ended a Nissan that stopped in traffic in front of her on the 101. The cause of the accident? Britney was applying her makeup while driving:

"The guy she hit...says before the accident, he was admiring the white Mercedes and the woman putting on makeup while driving it. It wasn't until after she hit him at an estimated 10-15 MPH that he realized the woman was Britney."

'Bipolar' Britney Breakdown: iPhone Threats, High Speed Car Chases, And A Little Terrier Named London

Last night, a quasi-dramatic screaming match between Britney Spears and her manager Sam Lufti quickly turned from a typical Monday With Britney™ into a full-on Mariah-style breakdown. After a barefoot and bruised-cheeked Britney called current loudmouth boytoy paparazzo Adnan saying, "Baby, come get me," The Animal's estranged parents rushed onto the scene, as did the LAPD. When the frantic Adnan finally arrived, he was denied entrance to Brit's castle and then became engaged in one of the eeriest text message conversations we've ever seen (conveniently delivered via iPhone!):

Adnan via text: "Cool?"
Lufti: "No, she's with doctor now. You're a manic trigger. If you continue to have any contact with him, you'll kill her. Its your decision. You need to cease all contact with her completely. I've tried to work with you helping her but you didn't do as asked. only way to help now is to disappear. She's never been this way befor [sic]"

Lynne Spears Parenting Handbook Still A Go After Being Reclassified As Horror Fiction

When news first broke that Jamie Lynn Spears, the up-and-coming, 16-year-old sister to down-and-going, 26-year-old Britney Spears, had made up her mind and was keeping her baby, those looking for someone to blame instantly turned to Lynne Spears—a big-league stage mother seemingly incapable of keeping her litter in check. Now, the publisher of what was widely reported to have been a guide to good parenting authored by Lynne leaps to her defense, claiming the book was in fact a cautionary tale about the pitfalls of breeding children for fame—a subject on which Lynne is arguably the world's foremost expert:

"Extra" has learned that although Lynne Spears' parenting book has been postponed, the publishers announced today that she is still moving forward with the story. In addition, Thomas Nelson, Inc. is insisting that the book is not a manual on how to parent: It's a warning.

Breaking! Jamie Lynne Spears Still Knocked Up Morning After Teen-Pregnancy Revelation!

With the shocking—just shocking!—news arriving late yesterday afternoon that knocked-up sixteen-year-old Zoey 101 star Jamie Lynn Spears, little sister of overmatched young mom Britney and the Spears clan's last hope to raise an earner who could stay out of trouble until her early twenties, might not have been properly educated about the contraceptive options available to teenage actresses who don't want their burgeoning careers stalled by unplanned motherhood, we've all had a sleepless night to adjust to the realities of this new, post-impregnation world. We now retreat into a defensive round-up crouch to handle the most recent developments in the story that will keep us all warm during the holiday slowdown:

· The website for OK!—the magazine that presumably shelled out an enormous sum for the Jamie Lynn exclusive—seems to have given up the ghost due to a flood of traffic. But the wires have the details of their story. "It was a shock for both of us, so unexpected. I was in complete and total shock and so was he," said Spears. Also: she still thinks premarital sex is a bad idea, "[b]ut I can't be judgmental because it's a position I put myself in." Being suddenly thrust into adulthood has made the teen wise beyond her years. [AP]