Defamer: Les Moonves

CBS Not Reinventing The Sitcom And Cop Show Wheel Here, Folks

Seth — Wed, 14 May 2008 10:00:00 PDT

Following a detour in last season's CBS programming strategy which saw the network throw a few wackier ideas against the fridge to see what stuck (Drac Steele, Vampire P.I. and The Singing Venetian, Hugh Jackman's addition to the musical-casino genre, were what stuck), it seems they have returned to the dependability of laugh-tracks and procedurals for the fall 2008-09 season. At their upfronts announcement this morning at their New York offices, Les Moonves and trusty commandantes Nina Tassler and Kelly Kahl made official their last-minute, 22-episode order of The New Adventures of Old Christine, the unlikely story of what happens when Elaine loses her balls and spends the majority of her leisure time bickering with her ex-husband and his new girlfriend. Following them on Wednesdays is a new sitcom, Project Gary, starring Jay Mohr, while another new, single-camera comedy, Worst Week, joins the Monday night lineup, alongside all the wisecracking nerd-geniuses and Britney guest spots you've come to expect.

Procedural goodness after the jump!

As for dramas, Tassler explained, "We do very well with our procedurals, but we've added more character to them." Translation: Expect an oblique reference to an affair between two CSI cast members over the break that will be all but forgotten about by episode three. With Drac Steele, Vampire P.I. (OK, fine, it's called Moonlight) thrown a fistful of holy water in the face by Moonves moments before the future galactic despot plunged a CBS-branded letter-opener through its heart, The Ex List—aka CGI: Clingy Girlfriend Investigators—swoops in to take its place. Also on the schedule, Jerry Bruckheimer's Eleventh Hour, "about a science professor who helps solve crimes," and The Mentalist, starring Simon Baker as "deceptive celebrity psychic" who "puts his observational skills to better use working for law enforcement." That's totally mental! All your CSI friends (minus Gary Dourdan) will be back, and, somewhat miraculously, you won't be seeing Without A Trace on the side of any milk cartons, for it has survived another season.

The full CBS Fall 2008/09 Lineup:

Monday
8-8:30 p.m. The Big Bang Theory
8:30-9 p.m. How I Met Your Mother
9:-9:30 p.m. Two and a Half Men
9:30-10 p.m. Worst Week (new)
10-11 p.m. CSI: Miami

Tuesday
8-9:00 p.m. NCIS
9-10 p.m. The Mentalist (new)
10-11 p.m. Without a Trace

Wednesday
8-8:30 p.m. The New Adventures of Old Christine
8:30-9 p.m. Project Gary (new)
9-10 p.m. Criminal Minds
10-11 p.m. CSI: NY

Thursday
8-9 p.m. Survivor
9-10 p.m. CSI
10-11 p.m. Eleventh Hour (new)

Friday
8-9 p.m. Ghost Whisperer
9-10 p.m. The Ex-List (new)
10-11 p.m. Numbers

Saturday
8-9 p.m. Crimetime Saturday
9-10 p.m. Crimetime Saturday
10-11 p.m. 48 Hours: Mystery

Sunday
7-8 p.m. 60 Minutes
8-9 p.m. The Amazing Race
9-10 p.m. Cold Case
10-11 p.m. The Unit

CBS returns to crime, comedy roots [THR]

Mel Gibson To Don His Actor's Hat Once More

Seth — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 13:20:00 PDT

· Mel Gibson has signed on for his first acting job since Signs and We Were Soldiers back in 2002. In Edge of Darkness, a feature based on a BBC miniseries from the '80s, he'll play "a straitlaced police investigator whose activist daughter is killed, probably by the Jews." [Variety]
· Could one-half of the lusty network coupling responsible for siring struggling, bastard offspring The CW be missing their former identity? Warner Bros. just launched TheWB.com, where you can catch streamed episodes of old programming and newly launched online series. [Variety]

· Tom Wolfe's sex-at-college novel I Am Charlotte Simmons (how's that for distilling 752 pages into one compound modifier?) will be directed by music video vet Liz Friedlander, to be eventually followed by Medusa's Pom Pom, a tell-all exposé detailing what went wrong behind the scenes of the box office dud. [THR]
· Closing arguments in the Pellicano trial begin today. [THR]
· Les Moonves pledged this morning that Showtime "would not miss a beat," despite having lost output deals with Paramount, MGM and Lionsgate to a new, yet-to-be-named premium cable channel, as that decision has effectively "freed up $300 million" to lavish on "more original programming like the one with all the lesbians going at it." [THR]

Viacom PR Admits 'Public Crapping' May Not Bode Well For New Pay Network

STV — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 10:25:00 PDT

The week that started with Les Moonves and Phillipe Dauman kickboxing in Sumner Redstone's corporate steel cage will apparently end with Dauman retreating to his corner of the Viacom boardroom for medical attention. Or at least that's the impression we glean from today's gloom-and-doom survey of the Great Pay-Cable Cockfight of 2008, during which Paramount broke off from cousin network Showtime after failing to renegotiate an output deal for its titles. On their own now with partners Lionsgate and MGM/UA, even Viacom/Paramount flacks acknowledge finding little comfort in the TV wild:

The marketplace reaction to the fourth feevee was predictable: Who needs it?

"On its merits," says Rob Stengel, cable consultant and a principal of the Boston-based Continental Consulting Group, "I don't think you'll be able to find any distributors jumping up and down with eagerness to get their hands on another pay TV network."
Cable ops and satellite distributors "are crapping all over the idea in public," says a Viacom spokesman, "but privately, the early discussions are promising."

Oh, really? OK, then! Seeing as we apparently take everything publicists say at face value around here, we also pick up on what they don't say: specifically, as Variety's John Dempsey also notes today, the joint 'Mount/Lionsgate/MGM press release from last weekend bore no mention of a single cable company who had agreed to broadcast the channel. But seeing as that's the biggest public crap they could have taken so far — well, that, and not having jumped when Viacom said so — we figure the next round of battles can only go better for the dinged-up Dauman. We wish him luck!

[Photo Credit: Getty Images]

Showtme-Viacom Split Feeds Drama [Variety]

Paramount, Showtime, CBS Spend Weekend Fighting in Grandpa Sumner Redstone's Sandbox of Death

STV — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 10:00:00 PDT

While most of us fled the office to enjoy early spring, Sumner Redstone spent another relaxing weekend watching his corporate children at Viacom gouge each others' eyes out. And this time around he got his money's worth, with Paramount finally breaking free from CBS/Showtime to start its own pay-cable and VOD service with MGM and Lionsgate. It's an untidy, somewhat shocking scenario that we (and seemingly the rest of the Web) can't yet make sense of, but join us after the jump to parse the winners and losers at a glance.

In the end, the studios just wanted more for their films' pay-cable rights than Showtime was willing to pay. This much was somewhat old news; Viacom and Paramount haven't quite seen eye-to-eye with CBS boss Les Moonves and Showtime chief Matt Blank for some time. The vertical integration implied by their output deals — Showtime had rights to Paramount releases through the end of 2007 — was less a function of convenience than an increasingly forced pairing, especially as Showtime's original programming (Weeds, Dexter, The Tudors) took off over the last few years. Showtime's output deals with MGM and Lionsgate — booked through the end of this year — were just as fragile in the Redstone and Viacom CEO Phillipe Dauman's volatile corporate culture.

Nikki Finke was first on the scene when news broke on Sunday:

Moonves wanted to drastically cut the price for Paramount pics, arguing that "the pay channel world isn't what it used to be" and the value of movies on pay TV has decreased while the importance of hot new scripted original series have increased. I'm told that, as the bargaining dragged on, the Paramount/Viacom camp, once optimistic that it would all work out, lost patience with Moonves' "hard line" and resented being lowballed. Now it looks like Les over-negotiated because Paramount, MGM and Lionsgate have found refuge thanks to Viacom. This new premium TV channel by Viacom, Paramount, MGM and Lionsgate is that old Hollywood maxim at work: Don't get mad. Get even.

Well, yeah. One observer told Finke that Moonves is "royally screwed" — for starters, there are no studios left on the market for output deals. A defiant Blank, however, is standing tall this morning in Variety:

"We're not willing to sell our network down the river for product that's not as valuable as it used to be," he said. "We wish them well. ...
"We've been having unbelievable success with our original programming," Blank said. "Can you name one movie Showtime has aired in the last three years? But people sure do know The Tudors and Californication and Dexter and Weeds."

Take that spin for what you will, but we're of a mind with David Poland: Apart from drunken Sunday-afternoon pissing contests, what's really in this for the 'Mount? Showtime keeps the studio's library for a while still, leaving MGM and Lionsgate's libraries (along with upcoming, inconsistent Paramount product ranging from Iron Man to The Love Guru) the primary source of programming. (DreamWorks films are aligned separately with HBO.) As such, reports The New York Times, original programming may be in the cards when the new channel launches in late 2009. But why pay hundreds of millions to enter that fray when HBO and Showtime have spent years establishing the institutional upper hand?

Sometimes there is no explanation for this kind of stuff besides entertaining Emperor Redstone — and us. We could watch Brad Grey cannibalize Les Moonves all day. Nevertheless, somebody out there knows something the rest of us don't; maybe an original program is jumping ship? Moonves lost a poker bet with MGM chief Harry Sloan over the weekend? Your guesses are as good as ours.

[Photo Credit: Getty Images]

Studios team on VOD venture [Variety]

Tyra Banks And Ashton Kutcher Combine Deadly Reality Forces

Seth — Wed, 27 Feb 2008 12:17:57 PST

· If the concept of the two names Tyra Banks and Ashton Kutcher (Tyrashton?) melding into a single, reality-TV -producing force for ABC would drive you to incontinence with excitement, well, maybe you should take a bathroom break before reading this story. [THR]
· Quarterlife, the drama from the creators of thirtysomething that started as a pilot at ABC, then got resuscitated for MySpace, and finally was resurrected on NBC, tanked last night, posting a 1.6 rating/4 share. The series about "twentysomethings coming of age in the digital generation" was doomed to be outdated before it ever reached a wide audience, already replaced with far more timely takes on the same material, like ABC's mid-season replacement, Tumblr Road. [Variety]

· Les Moonves's "Suck It, Strikers—We Won!" Tour continues. The future galactic despot told investors yesterday that not only did it not affect CBS's financial bottom line, it actually helped, allowing them to slough off dead-weight development deals "in ways that will allow us to operate more efficiently going forward." [Variety]
· The Fireman's Fund Insurance Co. is offering "strike insurance" to any production currently covered under one of their policies, in anticipation of a possible SAG strike. Said Les Moonves, "We'll pass. A couple absent or dead actors could really push us into the black next quarter!" [Variety]
· Milkshake co-opting victim Paul Dano will star in and executive produce Gigantic, an offbeat romantic comedy from Killer Films. [THR]

McG's 'Terminator' Stakes A Spot In The Distant Future

Seth — Tue, 26 Feb 2008 12:09:34 PST

· Any plans for Memorial Day weekend 2009? Great! That means you can catch the opening of Terminator Salvation: The Future Begins, McG's utterly essential contribution to the futuristic-robot-killing-machine franchise that keeps on giving. [Variety]
· The WWE entered into a deal with Fox, giving the studio "a first-look deal" for any project starring one of their wrestlers, and first dibs on John Cena to voice an irascible musk ox in Ice Age: Boot Camp. [Variety]
· A three-month Chinese government ban on Hollywood product has ended, with a March release set for National Treasure: Book of Secrets and 10,000 B.C., after government censors screened both films to ensure they contained "no fingerprints of that lie-spreading Spielberg-devil." [Variety]

· Les Moonves told a group of Wall Street analysts that not only did the strike fail affect the CBS Corp.'s bottom line, it also allowed them to reexamine the whole development process, revealing pilots as "vastly overrated" tools that fail to provide necessary hits. Instead, the network is now looking at a completely revamped system, in which one character archetype, an unusual profession, and a genre are plucked out of three top hats. Dina Powers: Animal Control Investigator, a thrilling series from the creators of CSI that follows the exploits of a sassy single mom who's never encountered a rabid-possum mauling she couldn't get to the bottom of, is scheduled to premiere next fall. [THR]
· Crash: The TV Seriez, coming to a Starz channel near you, has chosen a showrunner in Glen Mazzara, who pledges to extend the car-crash-as-means-of-human-connection metaphor to such other significance-laden roadside mishaps as bicycle wheelies gone wrong, skateboarding casualties, and pedestrians accidentally brushing up against one another on crowded crosswalks. [THR]

Hollywood Hills Real Estate Listing Brings Us One Step Closer To Mt. Mogulmore

Seth — Fri, 15 Feb 2008 16:03:36 PST

With news that 138 acres of land just west of the H in the Hollywood sign have been put up for sale yesterday by Chicago investors, the last impediment to Mt. Mogulmore—Les Moonves's masterplan of constructing an enduring companion monument to the nine-letter icon—is but a mere $22 million check away.

Construction on the granite memorial jutting out of the 1,820-foot Cahuenga Peak (artist's rendering above) is to begin immediately, but it's projected it will take at least three years before the final chisels are made into Peter Chernin's nostrils, Bob Iger's hairline, and Moonves's sparkling, four-foot teeth by the migrant Asian quarry workers and moonlighting WGA members hired to complete the dangerous task. Upon completion, however, we'll have an enduring and highly visible (15 miles on a clear day!) reminder of the troika of great captains of Hollywood industry who ushered a Golden Era of peace into a strife-fraught zone.

Land above famed Hollywood sign up for sale [Reuters]
Previously: The Strike Is Over! Look Busy! [Defamer]

Last Negotiator Standing

Mark — Wed, 12 Dec 2007 18:10:59 PST

· Cobbling together various reports about what transpired between the WGA and the studios before negotiations were abruptly halted at the end of last week, the creators of Hollywood Rumble have produced this dramatic recreation of the unfortunate events of late Friday afternoon.
· You know who's not going broke even if the strike lasts until 2105? Les Moonves.
· Why are famous people so damn crazy? A crazy stylist-to-the-stars offers his exciting theories!
· Those too impatient to wait for Sweeney Todd's release can get a small measure of relief for their barber-blueballs here.
· You can't have The Office right now, but you can have An Office.

Angelina Jolie To Sex Up Boring Old Spy Story About Gun-Running And Terrorists

Mark — Wed, 05 Dec 2007 12:30:49 PST

· Paramount acquires the rights to the life of spy Kathi Lynn Austin, whose arms-trafficking and terrorism-related adventures could become "an action vehicle" for Angelina Jolie that will ultimately bear little to no resemblance to the intelligence operative's real life. [Variety]
· To help CBS survive the strike/break the wills of writers, Les Moonves plans to repurpose edited versions of Showtime series like Dexter for use on his content-starved broadcast network, though it's unclear whether this idea will include a fucking-lite version of Californication. [THR]
· Publicists love Judd Apatow! He'll be named 2007's "outstanding film showman" at the 45th annual Flackies. [Variety]

· Grateful that NBC is bringing back their The Apprentice for another marginally rated, but still lucrative, season, Donald Trump and producer Mark Burnett are giving the network a cut of the product-whoring fees derived from the show's many brand-promoting challenges. [THR]
· Edward Norton will play identical twins ("one an Ivy League classics professo rand the other a hedonistic pot-smoking career criminal," naturally) in Tim Blake Nelson's comedy thriller Leaves of Grass. [Variety]

We've just obtainted the new draft of the ...

Mark — Mon, 22 Oct 2007 11:58:24 PDT

We've just obtainted the new draft of the planned Les Moonves ad to be published in tomorrow's trades: "Hey, writers—You know what? Fuck you. I'll cancel my disappointing Fall season myself, bit by bit. Goodbye, Viva Laughlin! By the time you go on strike, there won't be anything left for you to walk out on. Love, Les. PS—Tell Patric Verrone to check his mailbox. The ear in that bloody wad of Kleenex is Hugh Jackman's. Just wait until he gets four of Jimmy Smits' favorite toes on Wednesday morning when I sacrifice Cane to the cause." [Var]

Today In Saber Rattling: TV Execs Secretly Hoping Writers Will Wipe Out Their Crappy Fall Schedules

Mark — Mon, 22 Oct 2007 10:24:50 PDT

Early Friday evening, the WGA announced that it had received strike authorization from 90.3 percent of its voting members, a victory the organization's leadership touted as an "historic demonstration of unity." What the Guild might not realize, however, is that when it returns to the negotiating table today, emboldened by the ability to take to the streets with the best-written picket signs in the history of labor strife, any renewed threats of a potential walkout on November 1 could be playing right into the hands of an evil cadre of media moguls excited by the prospect of having their fall TV programming mistakes wiped out by a work stoppage.

Deadline Hollywood Daily's Nikki Finke separates the studio and network power brokers into two factions: Hawks (those hellbent on bathing in the blood of vanquished writers as all of Hollywood burns like the desiccated hills of Malibu; maniacal cackling optional) and Conservatives (those marginally less enthused by the prospect of daily blood-showers during a potential strike):

Hawks: Peter Chernin (News Corp/Fox), Bob Iger (Walt Disney/ABC), Barry Meyer (Warner Bros), Jeff Zucker (NBC Universal), Michael Lynton (Sony Pictures Entertainment).
Conservatives: Les Moonves (CBS), Ron Meyer (Universal), Brad Grey (Paramount), Amy Pascal (Sony Pictures Entertainment), Harry Sloan (MGM, which also reps United Artists in this), Jeffrey Katzenberg (DreamWorks Animation, and the most moderate of the bunch). [...]

As for Chernin, Iger, Barry Meyer, Moonves, and also Zucker, they actually welcome a strike because they believe the 2007/2008 TV season is dead on arrival anyway. So many new shows are tanking in the ratings and/or going over budget and/or having production problems (Fox's Back To You, Nashville, K-VILLE; CBS' Kid Nation, Cane and Viva Laughlin; NBC's Journeyman, Life and Bionic Woman; ABC's Cavemen, Big Shots, Dirty Sexy Money, and Pushing Daisies.) Even returning hit shows are losing their Nielsen luster (NBC's Heroes, ABC's Desperate Housewives and Grey's Anatomy, CBS' CSI:Miami and Cold Case) that they feel this is as as good a time for a strike as any. As one mogul told me, "We can get rid of the overhead and regroup and rethink everything. If we were having a great year, it might be different. But we're not, and this is like an automatic do-over."

These behind-the-scenes threats seem to indicate just how profoundly hurt the studios were by the WGA's refusal to throw the AMPTP a party to show their gratitude for abandoning their insane residual-readjustment proposal last week; should the Guild not make amends at today's renewed bargaining sessions, look for a frustrated Les Moonves to take out his own ad in Variety tomorrow reading, "Hey, Writers— Go ahead, wipe out my Fall schedule. You think I want any more episodes of Viva Laughlin? It'll save me a messy phonecall to Hugh Jackman. No one likes to hear a grown man cry. So make my fucking day. PS—My colleague Steve McPherson feels the same way about Cavemen. "

Hollywood Moguls Sounding Strike Happy And See New TV Season As Dead Already [DHD]

Future galactic dictator Les Moonves, having ...

Mark — Tue, 16 Oct 2007 15:26:12 PDT

Future galactic dictator Les Moonves, having once again tricked antediluvian corporate overlord Sumner Redstone into believing that his plans of world domination will not include the kind of clumsy assassination attempts being plotted by his traitorous daughter, has earned a new contract that will keep him atop CBS Corp through at least 2011. So convincing was the wily Moonves in renewing his pledge of fealty that Redstone willingly handed over the key that opens the chest housing the enchanted dagger imbued with the power to end his immortal life, telling his trusty lieutenant to make sure it never falls into the hands of his scheming, murderous offspring. [THR]

Bob Barker: Not So Fast With The O'Donnell Stuff

Mark — Wed, 20 Jun 2007 17:29:40 PDT

Backtracking from recent remarks that have been construed in the media as an endorsement of Rosie O'Donnell's candidacy to replace him on the The Price Is Right, retiring emcee Bob Barker today clarified what he meant when he said he had "no doubt" O'Donnell would make a good host, telling the AP, "I have not been asked for my opinion, nor have I expressed one. I think there are several candidates who could do the show, and Rosie is certainly one of them." (To his credit, the discreet Barker made no reference to a heated, closed-door meeting with Les Moonves earlier today in which the CBS Corp. head promised "to sew the balls back on every neutered dog and cat in town [himself] if [Barker] said another word about handing over the show to that [woman of below-average attractiveness].") O'Donnell has yet to publicly comment on this seeming blow to her chances of landing the job, but Defamer has exclusively obtained the ad she is placing-in tomorrow's Variety to address onetime idol Barker's unexpected withdrawal of support, one that echoes her earlier attempt at currying favor with the gameshow legend:

Barker: Remarks not a Rosie endorsement [Yahoo News]
Previously: Bob Barker's Rosie O'Donnell Endorsement Indicates He's Further Gone Than We Realized [Defamer]

Getting To Know New NBC 'Rock Star' Ben Silverman

Mark — Mon, 04 Jun 2007 18:22:58 PDT

TVWeek corralled just-installed NBC Entertainment co-chair Ben Silverman (pictured above enjoying himself in the general vicinity of soon-to-be sworn enemy Les Moonves of CBS) for a "getting to know you" chat, in which the recently anointed New Peacock Messiah reveals that while he has managed to chug the company's "Choke on Our Quality" Kool-Aid, his acceptance of the gig progressed so quickly that he hasn't yet had time to take care of certain details unimportant to taking the job, like watching all of the network's Fall pick-ups. Reports TV Week:

TelevisionWeek: What are your goals for NBC?
Ben Silverman: To continue the great legacy of NBC and its unbelievable quality of programming. To be the No. 1 network. To be the absolute biggest and best brand in broadcast television. And more important, to be the most lucrative network. [...]

TVWeek: What's your take on the pilots and fall schedule?
Mr. Silverman: I have not seen all the pilots yet. I thought Zach Levi, the star of "Chuck," was phenomenal and really fun, and that show had the kind of environment I want to be in. I always loved "The Bionic Woman" growing up and eagerly await seeing her powers come to fruition, but have not watched it yet. And I'm excited to see "Journeyman," which I hear is phenomenal from everyone I know who has seen it. I'm sure we're going to get some hits out of them.

Now installed in his new position, Silverman should have some time to breathe and catch up on his pilot-watching to see if Bionic Woman actually feels like a hit, and, in the interest of properly instilling the culture of "peace, love, and understanding" discussed in the interview, finally get someone to clean the blood of freshly slaughtered predecessor Kevin Reilly from his office walls. There's nothing like the lingering stench of a recent
execution to stifle an otherwise aspirational, positive atmosphere.

[Photo: Getty Images]

Silverman Setting New NBC Agenda [TV Week]

'Idol' Finale Averages A Disappointing 30.4 Million Viewers

Mark — Thu, 24 May 2007 13:09:39 PDT

· While the two-hour American Idol finale-clusterfuck dominates the ratings, it was down about 20 percent from last year's season-ender. Might this have been God's way of punishing Fox for allowing the ludicrously drawn-out show to stretch nine minutes over its allotted running time, fucking over DVR owners who didn't think to also record the local news if they actually wanted to see who won? Are we bitter? Nah, not much. [Variety]
· Just in case you missed the make-up announcement late yesterday afternoon, Alec Baldwin and CAA are back together. Always fucking or fighting, those two! [THR]
· CBS Corp. head Les Moonves is named MIPCOM "Personality of the Year." In an unrelated story, the family of the trade show's president, who had mysteriously gone missing at the beginning of Personality of the Year voting, was returned to safety shortly after the announcement. [Variety]
· Mary-Kate Olsen returns to TV (we know what you're thinking, but nope, no Ashley this time—free at last!) in a recurring role on Showtime's Weeds, in which she'll play a troubled customer whose eating disorder is so severe she can't even eat Mary Louise Parker's delicious pot brownies without purging. [THR]
· Warner Bros. acquries the rights to children's fantasy book Skulduggery Pleasant, hoping their possible movie franchise will turn out more Harry Potter than Lemony Snicket. [Variety]

'Jericho' Fans Call Down Plague Of Peanuts Upon CBS Tormentors

Seth — Tue, 22 May 2007 15:14:04 PDT

Fans hoping to revive a cancelled TV series have been relying on increasingly flashy techniques in the hopes of registering on the radars of busy network heads, whose various galactic overlord duties may have rendered them tragically out of touch with the tastes of the common man. Arrested Development addicts pelted Fox execs with foam banana balls. Invasion lovers (yes, they existed) drowned ABC in bottled water. But devotees of the mushroom-clouds- on-Main-St. drama Jericho have decided to go the bulk snack route, inviting fellow grassroots supporters to send roasted peanuts to CBS's offices:

NUTS! Save Jericho! Jericho fans unite! In addition to sending individual orders to CBS programming executives, as a Jericho fan you can now contribute money to massive shipments of nuts. NutsOnline will do our part by pooling monies and supplying nuts at a steep discount! At the end of each day we will tally dollars collected and ship out huge quantities of roasted peanuts in the shell! [...]

Why nuts? In the final episode Jake Green (Skeet Ulrich) borrowed the historic phrase "NUTS" in response to a final offer of surrender from a hostile neighboring town. CBS decided to cancel the show, and fans are uprising to save Jericho by sending, you got it, NUTS to CBS executives.

For those of you who would like to see the show return to CBS's slate in place of newer, sure-to-tank offerings like Dracula P.I., and yet are having a hard time connecting with a campaign built around Ulrich's quoting of a famous WWII kiss-off phrase, we direct you to a satellite campaign: Deaf blogger Banjo's World has written a heartfelt template letter to CBS, extolling Jericho's virtues—in particular its incorporation of a deaf character. Sure, it may not have the salty pizzazz of a forklift palate of roasted peanuts, but we think they'll get the point just the same.

NUTS for Jericho [nutsonline.com]
Save Jericho: The Letter-Writing Campaign [Banjo's World]

CBS Puts Vampires, Swingers, Exciting Social Experiments Involving Schoolchildren On The Fall Schedule

Mark — Wed, 16 May 2007 09:25:26 PDT

By this third morning of the upfronts, you are probably exhausted by the constant barrage of stories about new television shows you probably won't have the time or desire to watch. (NBC really nailed it: Who has time for new? Give us more of what we already like! Fill us up with your quality, Peacock!) Still, CBS will take its turn before their advertisers today, unveiling a schedule aimed at convincing the money people that their network is ready to move beyond just mindless sitcoms and syndication-friendly procedural dramas and take a (well-calculated, not too scary) risk or two: that's right, the Eye is going (mildly) edgy! On the Fall schedule:

· Cane: Jimmy Smits! Playing Cuban!
· Moonlight: Vampires!
· Swingtown: Wife-swapping in the 70s! (Read: sex!)
· Viva Laughlin: A casino! Hugh Jackman cameos! The occasional musical number!

As pulse-quickening as we find both swingers and Hugh Jackman, the highlight of the new Fall slate is clearly Wednesday night's Kid Nation (from the producers of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition), a supersecret project that CBS will unleash on the world later today, in which (according to TV Week) 40 "overachieving kids" of ages 8 to 15 are thrown together in a New Mexico ghost town and tasked with creating a functioning society with an economy, laws, and elected leaders. Finally: Lord of the Flies comes to primetime! We can't wait to hear about advertisers' reactions to this afternoon's upfront clip of the inevitable breakout hit, spotlighting the emotionally devastating moment when Piggy is "accidentally" crushed by a boulder. Never let it be said that Les Moonves doesn't know how to create appointment TV.

The entire Fall schedule follows: [via THR]

Mondays
8 pm - "How I Met Your Mother"
8:30 p.m. - "The Big Bang Theory" (new)
9 p.m. - "Two and a Half Men"
9:30 p.m. - "Rules of Engagement"
10 p.m. - "CSI: Miami"

Tuesdays
8 p.m. - "NCIS"
9 p.m. - "The Unit"
10 p.m. - "Cane" (new)

Wednesdays
8 p.m. - "Kid Nation" (new)
9 p.m. - "Criminal Minds"
10 p.m. - "CSI: NY"

Thursdays
8 p.m. - "Survivor: China"
9 p.m. - "CSI"
10 p.m. - "Without a Trace"

Fridays
8 p.m. - "Ghost Whisperer"
9 p.m. - "Moonlight" (new)
10 p.m. - "Numb3rs"

Saturdays
8 p.m. - "Crimetime Saturday"
9 p.m. - "Crimetime Saturday"
10 p.m. - "48 Hours Mystery"

Sundays
7 p.m. - "60 Minutes"
8 p.m. - "Viva Laughlin" (new)
9 p.m. - "Cold Case"
10 p.m. - "Shark"

CBS fall sked includes five series freshmen [THR]
CBS Picks Up 'Kid Nation' Reality Show [TV Week]

Les Moonves Finishes Off Gutshot Imus

Mark — Thu, 12 Apr 2007 14:49:48 PDT

For those of you unable to concentrate on your jobs, family, or the heartbreaking news that Angelina Jolie seems unable to love her lone biological child because you've been sick with worry about this Don Imus situation, relief: He's been shitcanned by CBS, and shitcanned good. Our east-coasted siblings at Gawker have smiling CBS Corp. despot Les Moonves' announcement of the firing, who is no doubt a little annoyed that sworn NBC enemy Jeff Zucker beat him to the kill yesterday; he hates being the guy to fire the second bullet at a public execution.

CBS Fires Don Imus From Radio Show [AP]
Previously: Jeff Zucker Delicately Explains Don Imus's Shitcanning To NBC Universal Employees [Defamer]

Trade Round-Up: Word 'Terrifying' Thought More Disturbing Than Prince's Demonschlong

Mark — Wed, 07 Feb 2007 11:46:32 PST

· CBS's Les Moonves agrees to a skittish Harvey Weinstein's request for a last minute edit removing the word "terrifying" from a Hannibal Rising commercial, which Weinstein apparently feared would induce mass panic in potential ticket-buyers for his film. [Variety]
· Columbia Pictures is about to pick up the script You Don't Mess with Zohan, about a Mossad agent who fakes his death to become a hairdresser in NY, from Judd Apatow, Robert Smigel and Adam Sandler. Sandler, of course, will play the blow-dryer-wielding spy. [THR]
· Tommy Mottola and Biggest Loser producer David Broome are putting together a "grittier take" on the America's Next Top Model formula for TLC starring Petra Nemcova, in which eliminated models are force-fed cocaine until their weakened hearts explode instead of sent home. [Variety]
· Following American Idol's latest Nielsen-dominating performance, Fox's desperate competitors are seriously considering having Paula Abdul and Simon Cowell killed. [THR]
· Var produces some important service journalism for its Grammy-attending readers, warning that the closure of parking lots at the Staples center will likely result in huge traffic jams and the mass inconveniencing of limo passengers. Save yourself a headache by commissioning a helicopter for the night. [Variety]

Trade Round-Up: Les Moonves Saves Life, Locks Up 'CSI' Producer's Soul For Another Four Years

Mark — Fri, 26 Jan 2007 12:32:47 PST

· If companies like Time Warner are serious about a commitment to new media, then why can't Peter Bart get someone from TW on the phone who knows how to work his fucking TiVo? [Variety]
· In signing a new overall deal with CBS Paramount Network Television, CSI executive producer Ann Donahue reveals the softer side of CBS Corp.'s future galactic despot Les Moonves: "'Over the summer I had a family member (hospitalized) in grave condition,' Donahue said. 'Leslie, Nancy and Nina called me and not only offered their help, but they cut through a lot of red tape and saved a life. I will be at CBS for as long as they want me.'" [THR]
· NewsCorp is finalizing a deal to bring MySpace to China, but will have to make concessions to the government to bring the site in compliance with local regulations, like limiting each user to a single person in their friendspace (female friend requests must be immediately deleted) and requiring all profile comment to be approved by the Glorious Chinese Emoticon And LOL Censorship Board. [THR]
· Grey's Anatomy, which will finish the week as the number one non-Idol program on television, shows no ill Nielsen effects from the post-Globes Isaiah Washington fiasco, meaning that the slur-happy actor will probably still have a job once he completes his stint in network-ordered GayHab. [Variety]

Trade Round-Up: The Moonves Paradox

Mark — Fri, 05 Jan 2007 12:20:33 PST

Var's Peter Bart attempts to explain the paradox of CBS Corp CEO Les Moonves: He's part ruthless Old Hollywood, power-crazed mogul, part new media and corporate player. We can't think of a candidate who's better qualified to one day enslave us all. [Variety]
MTV Films picks up the Bob Odenkirk/Rainn Wilson comedy Kanan Rhodes: Unkillable Servant of Justice, about "a man who serves subpoenas with the suaveness, intensity and conviction of James Bond." Odenkirk explains that the project languished for seven years "because we couldn't find anyone who could pull it off. Until we got Rainn in our brain! A lot of actors would come off as dicks, but when he does it, it's sweet and kind of sad." We'd never really been able to put our finger on it, but Wilson really does have that sweet/sad/dicky thing going on. [THR]
After a two-and-a-half month lockout while 20th Century Fox TV and series creator Seth McFarlane worked on a new deal, Family Guy's writers have finally been allowed to get back to the important work of brainstorming non-sequitur gags to randomly insert into the show's sixth season stories. [Variety]
· CSI's Marg Helgenberger's husband announces that he'll seek a second two-year term as head of SAG. [THR]
In other SAG news, the Guild awaits Monday's arrival of new national executive director Doug Allen, the former NFL linebacker they hope will soon lead them to a collective bargaining championship over the studios. [Variety]

Even In Difficult Times, Redstone's Love For Moonves Still Smolders

Mark — Fri, 03 Nov 2006 08:47:43 PST

Even though superannuated Viacom despot Sumner Redstone publicly reacted with the obligatory, magnanimous statement "(I wish Tom and his associates the greatest good fortune in their venture.") in reaction to yesterday's news that former moviemaking associate Tom Cruise is shacking up with MGM to revive United Artists, privately, he probably spent the day angrily commanding various abled-bodied minions to overturn heavy office furniture on his enraged behalf, berating his underling's utter failure to follow his orders to have Cruise placed on an ice floe and floated out into the ocean, eliminating the possibility that he'd ever work in the entertainment industry again. But for at least a few precious moments yesterday, Redstone was able to take some solace in the fact that he has at least one employee he can count on:

"I could not be any more pleased with everything that Les and his team have achieved," Redstone, who is chairman and controlling shareholder of both Viacom and CBS, gushed to Wall Street analysts yesterday on a conference call to discuss CBS' quarterly results. "In Les we have the best executive in the media industry."

"Les would do anything for the company," continued Redstone, his voice softening. "Just a few moments ago, after we found out about this United Artists business, my little Les asked if I wanted him to 'take care of the Cruise situation' for me. I told him that was very sweet of him to offer, but I was happy for him to just hold me in his strong arms and tell me that everything was going to be OK. That's what superior media executives do."

SUMNER'S OVER THE MOONVES FOR LES [NY Post]

Sting Of Tom Freston Roast Remarks Muted By Secure Knowledge That He Is Richer Than God

Seth — Thu, 26 Oct 2006 10:15:52 PDT

It was less than two months ago that ex-Viacom president and CEO Tom Freston exited the company, forcefully nudged out the doors by a doggedly determined Sumner Redstone applying steady pressure to the joystick of his luxuriously appointed mobility scooter. Yesterday, some of Freston's greatest allies gathered to pay irreverent homage to their fallen (if you call a $59 million severance package "falling") idol with one of those outrageous "roasts" those kids who run 99.7% of the world's mass media love so much:

"I don't think there's anyone in this room today who feels Tom was treated fairly," News Corp. President Peter Chernin told a crowd that included media and entertainment bigs like Rupert Murdoch, Edgar Bronfman Jr., Doug Morris, Harvey Weinstein, Ahmet Ertegun and John Sykes. "There's no doubt in my mind that Tom's continued success will haunt Viacom for years to come."
Pause. "But enough about Tom Cruise," said Chernin, firing up the rotisserie. "We're here to talk about Tom Freston, and Tom Freston is an a-hole. ... How can you roast someone who's already toast?

"I can only imagine how tough it must have been for Tom to be screwed over by a guy [Redstone] so old that he had to take a little blue pill to do it."
Making note of Freston's corporate rival Les Moonves (who made nice with Freston at the lunch), Chernin added that MTV, the network Freston founded, "now officially stands for 'Moonves Takes Viacom.'"

Whoever writes Chernin's material, a tip of the hat: sounds like he killed. (By contrast, we don't know how Stephen Colbert's Spongebob Squarepants/cheese grater joke went over, but on paper...yeesh.) And while we have no doubt that Les Moonves will have his revenge—we all know he can't resist a good, public flogging—for now, he'll have to put the exact wording and venue of his inevitable verbal takedown on the backburner, and return to his regularly scheduled duties of applying massage oils to the Stegosaurus-like ridges of Redstone's back whilst whispering Iagoesque consultations into his corporate overlord's ear.

Axed exec the roast of the town [NY Daily News]

Sumner Redstone: How I Got Myself Into That Whole Freston-Moonves Mess

Mark — Fri, 06 Oct 2006 08:50:43 PDT

Variety finally offers some insight into how recently pinkslip-happy Viacom executive mummy Sumner Redstone decided to cleave his corporate kingdom in twain and install yingy MTV builder Tom Freston and yangy CBS despot Les Moonves as the twin CEOs of his newly split companies, a move that stoked a highly entertaining feud between Redstone's vassals. Notes Var:

Viacom chairman Sumner Redstone says he had originally offered Tom Freston the job of sole CEO of Viacom — before it split — but Freston declined.
Redstone asked Leslie Moonves. "Naturally, being Les, he grabbed it. Then Tom came back and said he wanted it and that created problems," Redstone said in an interview with Charlie Rose broadcast on PBS Wednesday.

The rest is history. Viacom split, with Freston and Moonves each getting their own company. Redstone fired Freston, his colleague of 20 years, last month.

Indeed, it's all history now. Freston was carried out of Viacom's headquarters on his shield by his adoring throng of ex-employees, leaving him $60 million to blow on his soul-searching trip to Burma. And as for Moonves, well, Redstone will learn the consequence of backing his second CEO choice when he awakens in the middle of the night, his attempted scream swallowed by the pillow being pressed against his face, and hears Moonves' unmistakable voice gently cooing, "It's your time, old man. Just let go."

Sumner speaking out [Variety]
Previously: Sumner Redstone Displeased By Moonves-Freston Slap-Fight [Defamer]

Trade Round-Up: Jim Carrey Hears A Who

Mark — Wed, 13 Sep 2006 12:40:24 PDT

At yesterday's big, overblown Apple press conference, Steve Jobs unveiled a magical box that allows people to stream their iTunes purchases from their computer to their television. [Variety]
Producers of the CGI-animated version of Horton Hears a Who will lock Jim Carrey in a sound booth, press record on the console, and return three days later to see what improvisational magic he's added to the shredded script pages littering the floor of the studio. [THR]
At a Hollywood Radio & TV Society luncheon, an atypically diplomatic Les Moonves reserved judgment on ABC's decision to air its controversial Path to 9/11 miniseries, and declined to publicly gloat over Tom Freston's firing from Viacom, "because I'll only get myself in trouble." We're sure he's just feeling a little bit under the weather and will return to his old, rival-taunting self at the next media conference. [Variety]
America still hasn't satisfied its appetite for washed-up celebrities tripping over professional dancers, as the season premiere of Dancing with the Stars leads ABC to an overall ratings victory. [THR]
Perhaps feeling that the unbearably perky Katie Couric is not suited to the task of delivering them sad news, channel-switching viewers drop her CBS telecast to third place on 9/11. [Variety]

Les Moonves Sets Up Sumner Redstone For The Kill

Mark — Tue, 12 Sep 2006 11:14:02 PDT

Having vanquished corporate nemesis Tom Freston to an ashram in Burma to seek a new direction in his unexpectedly abbreviated media career, CBS Corp CEO and future galactic dictator Les Moonves moves on to the next phase of his plan for eventual world domination: ingratiating himself to cantankerous Viacom boss Sumner Redstone to set up a takeover of his multimedia empire. According to the NY Times, Moonves' strategy is already in full swing:

And, for now, Mr. Redstone is infatuated with CBS. He talks to Mr. Moonves daily and flew in from Los Angeles last weekend with his wife, Paula, to go to the United States Open and have dinner with Mr. Moonves and his wife, Julie Chen, a CBS morning show anchor.
"They are not just good friends, but good to be with," Mr. Redstone said. "And Julie and Paula are good friends, so that makes it easier all around."

In a telephone interview from his home in Beverly Hills, Calif., last week, Mr. Redstone said with an effusiveness that he once showed for Mr. Freston: "Les is spectacular. He's the best in the media business, if not all businesses.

"I haven't the slightest doubt that Les and his company will do great."

The plan to dispose of Redstone is really an ingenious one; rather than get caught up in a messy, possibly traceable corporate patricide (poisoning his Metamucil with arsenic, dipping his dentures in rat poison, etc), when the time is right, the diabolical Moonves will merely lean over to Redstone, whisper, "I don't really enjoy going to these Take Your Trophy Wife to the Tennis Match Days with you. I'm only doing it out of obligation and ambition," in his ear, then wait for the disappointed octogenarian's broken heart to stop beating from sadness. It's cruel, yes, but Moonves has an empire to build.

A Tortoise Savors the Lead [NY Times]
Previously: Moonves-Freston Feud Elevated To DEFCON 3 Status [Defamer]

Trade Round-Up: Letterman And Moonves Refuse To Break Their Embrace Until 2010

Mark — Thu, 07 Sep 2006 13:36:28 PDT

· If you're not currently in Toronto, you probably don't care too much about what's expected to happen at the film festival, but here's an overview anyway. Fingers crossed that J. Lo and her husband (Enrique something, right?) sell their movie. [Variety]
David Letterman's romance with CBS snugglebunny Les Moonves is more torrid than ever, prompting Letterman to sign on for four more years at his newfound soulmate's network. [THR]
As glowingly press-released yesterday, Sony's Amy Pascal was given a new title and had her contract extended well through the release of Stealth III, the story of a Roomba who gains malevolent sentience when struck by a power surge from a faulty wall outlet. [Variety]
MIA onetime TV stars ~~Dana~~ Kim Delaney and Willie Garson get new gigs, keeping them out of SAG/AFTRA's vaunted food stamps program for the time being. [THR]
Wall Street expresses its sadness over Tom Freston's firing by dropping its stock price a combined 7.6 percent over the last two days. Will its heartache ever end? [Variety]

Tom Freston Out At Viacom As Sumner Redstone Claims Another Victim

Mark — Tue, 05 Sep 2006 08:45:59 PDT

Disappointed that absorbing Tom Cruise's lifeforce was not sufficient in restoring his rapidly desiccating, centuries-old human shell to a sufficiently vital state, immortal Viacom executive vampire Sumner Redstone has also drained president and CEO Tom Freston of his essence, announcing this morning in a company-wide e-mail that he's cast aside Freston's spent, fleshy husk and replaced him with a pair of new minions, who will be allowed to ripen a bit before suffering the same soul-gobbling fate:

—-—Original Message—-—
From: Redstone, Sumner
Sent: Tue 9/5/2006 7:31 AM
Subject: Message from Sumner
Dear Colleagues:
Today we announced that Philippe Dauman and Tom Dooley are rejoining Viacom. As many of you know, they are both long-time former senior executives and current Board members who have served as Deputy Chairmen and have been my most trusted advisors at Viacom through some of the most significant events in our history. Philippe has been appointed President and Chief Executive Officer and Tom has been named to the new role of Senior Executive Vice President and Chief Administrative Officer.

We also announced that Tom Freston has resigned his positions with the Company. Tom has been a friend and colleague for many years and a driving force at MTV Networks from its inception. We will always be grateful to Tom for his many contributions to Viacom over the past 20 years, and wish him the best of luck in his future endeavors. With the support of our exceptional employees, Tom built MTV Networks into an unmatched power in the entertainment industry, an achievement that can never be diminished and will not be forgotten.

And somewhere deep within his stronghold at sister company CBS Corp., Les Moonves takes a greedy bite of a blueberry muffin, throws back his well-coiffed head, and unleashes a celebratory cackle, pleased that all is proceeding according to his nefarious plans.

The rest of Redstone's e-mail, heavy on the up-with-Viacom rhetoric and light on the reasons for Freston's exit, is after the jump.

But now, we must look ahead to the future. In the rapidly evolving worldwide digital marketplace, Viacom has a tremendous opportunity to become the leading creator of entertainment content on television, in film and on the internet. Many of you have worked with Philippe, so you know that he is the perfect choice to lead our company into this new era. He has the leadership skills, operational expertise, industry knowledge and judgment to take us to new heights and ensure that we reach our full potential in the years ahead. The Board and I have great confidence in Philippe and we know that, together with Tom, who has outstanding financial and management skills and has had an association with Viacom spanning more than 25 years, we will have a leadership team that is unbeatable.
I have worked closely with Philippe and Tom for over 20 years, and in addition to their current Board service, both men previously served in a broad range of senior management roles at Viacom. I am proud of our past accomplishments as a team during a period that was the most eventful and successful in Viacom's history. Additionally, apart from Viacom, they have worked together the last six years as the principals of DND Capital Partners, and have significant experience in analyzing the evolving media space through their involvement in venture capital and private equity financing.

Philippe and Tom share my tremendous passion for Viacom and its people, and for all our great brands and properties. Their complementary skills, broad media industry expertise and ability to identify unique opportunities will enable Viacom to execute successfully on our strategy.

You can find additional details on today's announcement on Viacom.com. We also encourage you to listen via web cast to the conference call scheduled for 9:00 am ET today.

Thank you for your continued hard work and commitment to Viacom.

Regards,

Sumner

[Photo: Getty Images]

Viacom Names Philippe Dauman President and CEO, Succeeding Tom Freston [Viacom.com]
Freston departs Viacom [THR]

Moonves-Freston Feud Elevated To DEFCON 3 Status

Mark — Tue, 29 Aug 2006 19:16:27 PDT

There is nothing in this life we enjoy more than stories recounting the petty squabbles of powerful men, so imagine for a moment our delight over today's NY Post article dedicated to the ongoing, though somewhat disappointingly one-sided, bloodfeud between generously betoothed future galactic despot Les Moonves of CBS Corp. and his favorite new pincushion, Viacom's Tom Freston. The Post gives us an overdue State of the Slap-Fight update:

People close to Viacom say the situation is "bizarre," especially given that both companies share the same chairman and controlling shareholder, Sumner Redstone.These people chalk up Moonves' motivation to his competitive nature as well as the actor-turned-mogul's well-known desire to run Paramount - which was put under Freston's control in 2004.
"It's a little surprising because it's gotten a little edgy," said one media executive who is close to both Freston and Moonves. He described the recent level of tension as "DEFCON 3."

Another associate of both men said, "It's ugly. But you never hear Tom taking shots at Les."

The notoriously laid-back Freston might be able to retreat into a downward-facing dog and ignore Moonves' antics now, but eventually his CBS rival will elevate the feud to Defcon 2 to elicit some form of retaliation. We bet that Freston endures no more than a week of heightened aggression before he's forced to fight back, quickly tiring of daily deliveries of picnic baskets full of dog excrement that bursts into flame when opened, or the November sweeps ads during Survivor in which Moonves will spend 30 seconds declaring his intentions to add Kathy Freston to his harem of corporate war brides.

IT'S SHOWDOWN [NY Post]
Previously: Sumner Redstone Displeased By Moonves-Freston Slap-Fight [Defamer]

Trade Round-Up: Ace Ventura III: Pet Detective With A Malibu Beachhouse Payment To Make

Mark — Tue, 15 Aug 2006 13:34:28 PDT

Fresh off the flop of My Super Ex Girlfriend, director Ivan Reitman convinces a financial backer to contribute $200 million to co-finance ten films over the next five years through his Montecito Picture Co. Producing partner Tom Pollock explains the economics of their hit-and-miss, mid-budgeted comedies: "The kinds of movies we make are in an exceptionally sweet spot in the studio system; we tend to make comedies at a price. When they work, like with Old School and Road Trip, they make a lot of money. When they don't, like Eurotrip, they don't lose much. From a Wall Street standpoint, that's a good risk." Here's to throwing shitty comedies against the wall and seeing what sticks! [Variety]
· Morgan Creek determines that a few more dollars might fall out of his pockets if they hold Ace Ventura's corpse by the ankles and give it a vigorous shake, then hires some writers to whip up a third installment centering around the pet detective's son. Given Jim Carrey's recent struggles getting a project off the ground, don't rule out the actor making a cameo as Ace and then finishing out the rest of the movie playing his own kid. [THR]
As the media wonders why Viacom didn't buy MySpace when it had the chance, rumors are circulating that Sumner Redstone ordered Tom Freston to go to San Francisco to make a deal, but Freston never went. Viacom calls the story "patently untrue," while also denying reports that CBS Corp. bully/rival Les Moonves sat on Freston's chest until Rupert Murdoch could complete his purchase of the social networking site. [Variety]
Fox wins Monday's 18-49 demographic with its two-hour finale of Hell's Kitchen. Your takeaway from this: The networks' summer reality series filler has mostly been used up, and it's nearly safe to start watching TV again. [THR]
The following is the title of an actual bass-fishing project now in development at Fox Atomic and not a joke about the next Will Ferrell movie: Fishing on the Edge: The Mike Iaconelli Story [Variety]

Trade Round-Up: Les Moonves Inches Closer To Destorying Tom Freston

Mark — Fri, 04 Aug 2006 12:47:51 PDT

CBS Corp's Les Moonves' sinister plan to slowly destroy corporate rival/brother Tom Freston of Viacom proceeds apace with the announcement that CBS's film unit will produce 4 to 6 mid-budgeted movies a year, which Moonves will then use to stock Showtime and reduce the network's dependence on Freston's Paramount product. That clear? No? Just imagine Moonves kicking Freston in the balls and you've got the gist. [Variety]
Christian Bale is "close to a deal" to star opposite Russell Crowe in James Mangold's western remake 3:10 to Yuma, which has survived a disastrous history of prolonged languishing in turnaround and rumored Tom Cruise involvement long enough to finally find some financing. [THR]
· Former Project Greenlight superstar and Weinstein survivor Jon Gordon lasts just a year as president of production at Universal, but publicly bears no ill will (yet) over his ankling/shitcanning: "Obviously, this is sudden. There are talks under way and things are not resolved now. I have no animosity towards these guys. I think there is a really good team in place." Gordon plans on spending the weekend designing a full-page Variety ad thanking the studio for the opportunity to be let go. [Variety]
World Trade Center premiered in New York last night, representing a "major test" for Paramount both because it's the first true project produced by the Brad Grey regime and the fact that it contains an obvious metaphor for his leadership of the studio. Is it too soon to joke about Grey piloting planes full of laid-off employees into the Paramount watertower? [Variety]
The Fox pilot The Adventures of Big Handsome Guy and His Little Friend finds it way onto the YouTube circuit, prompting 20th Century Fox Television to announce its intention to hunt down and kill the source of the leak. [THR]

Trade Round-Up: Superproducer Brian Grazer To Produce Movie

Mark — Thu, 27 Jul 2006 12:24:04 PDT

Now that Angelina Jolie's getting back in the acting game, Brad Pitt knows he better fill up his calendar so that he's not left home watching the kids. Pitt will star in David Fincher's The Curious Case of Benjamin Button after he wraps up his time pallin' around with the Cloonster on Ocean's Thirteen, then may move on to Universal's State of Play. [Variety]
Imagine's Brian Grazer will produce the family comedy Mr. Machine with Napoleon Dynamite and his brothers for Universal, a project described as "a throwback to the family comedies of the 1980s," and which "revolves around three brainy slackers who build a robot that wants to take over the world." [THR]
Hilary Swank Out Of Ideas: Oscar double-fister Swank will star in a remake of the French thriller Labyrinth, playing yet another cinematic crazy person who might know something about a serial killer. [Variety]
· Fox simultaneously licenses every episode of Arrested Development to MSN, HDNet, and G4, proving they are willing to embrace every AD-related opportunity short of actually producing new episodes. [THR]
· A big high-five to our friends at TVGasm, whose Chenbot mugs are a big hit with automaton Big Brother host Julie Chen and sugar daddy/boss Les Moonves. Another fun fact: Chen calls him "Leslie." [Variety]

Trade Round-Up: Mogulpalooza!

Mark — Thu, 13 Jul 2006 12:25:09 PDT

· Thanks to Beverly Hills-fleeing agencies CAA and ICM and reemerging studio MGM, Hollywood has returned to Century City. But there goes the neighborhood already: Entertainment lawyers have descended to suck the life from he newly vital area. Anon, to Burbank, where the suits won't dare follow! [Variety]
· DreamWorks Animation takes advantage of the obscure federal subsidy for the bulk-casting of current and former SNL players in a movie, signing up Amy Poehler, Cheri Oteri, and Maya Rudolph for Shrek the Third. With the savings realized from the package deal, they've also secured the services of the hilarious Amy Sedaris. [THR]
· Media bigshots like Rupert Murdoch, Bob Iger, Sumner Redstone, Tom Freston, and Les Moonves gather at the annual Sun Valley Mogulpalooza, where they will spend their brief vacation whitewater rafting, competing in savage pool-based chickenfights (the Moonves-Redstone pairing is utterly unstoppable), and partaking of the always popular session of bow-hunting human prey. (Again, no one can touch Moonves' compound bow skills.) [Variety]
· Each time the European Union stymies the merger of the music divisions of international conglomerates, the baby Jesus cries. [THR]
· After two months of negotiations, House's Hugh Laurie boosts his per episode fee over $275,000, a modest recompense for his valiant efforts at selling the exact same "no one believes the diagnosis of the prickly, brilliant doctor, then he is proven correct" story week after week. [Variety]

Trade Round-Up: Les Moonves' Sweet Victory

Seth — Fri, 30 Jun 2006 13:53:10 PDT

· Four of the six big media companies saw their stocks rise this year. Among them, CBS' went up 4%, while Viacom went down 10%. Les Moonves was last overheard cackling in his office, inviting his secretary to join him for a slice of a custom-ordered cake iced to resemble a naked, weeping Tom Freston. [Variety]
· Superman Returns pulls in a healthy $21 million on its opening day, performing to but not exceeding Warner Bros.' expectations, and not coming anywhere near Spider-Man 2 record of $40.4 million. Brandon Routh's agent announces the happy news at some teenager's house party in the Valley, as his client teeters on the roof, having an Almost Famous moment. [Variety]
· Sony screens 20 minutes of Casino Royale at the Cinema Expo, revealing a much grittier, angry Bond who [SPOILER!] blossoms once he reluctantly accepts an undercover post acting as a bitchy fashion editor's assistant. [Variety]
· "How do you end a network?" In the case of The WB, apparently you end it by airing a day's worth of old pilots and "classic promos and image campaigns from the WB's 11-year history." Be sure to catch the montage of Regrettable Felicity Hair Decisions, set to a tear-jerking "Time Of Your Life (Good Riddance)." [Variety]
· Kyra Sedgwick's TNT series The Closer has been renewed for a third season, in which audiences will finally learn what Kyra has been getting closer to in the first two seasons. [THR]

Trade Round-Up: More Goodbyes To Spelling

Mark — Mon, 26 Jun 2006 13:05:35 PDT

· The trades do their memorializing duty by noting the passing of legendary TV producer/dynamo/optimist Aaron Spelling. [Variety, THR, THR]
· The retired Michael Eisner takes a break from following the maid around the house and pointing out things she's insufficiently dusted, buying a company that produces videos which help parents brainwash their babies into attending their alma maters. [THR]
· NBC Universal TV International president Frederick Huntsberry will become Paramount's COO in the next few days, a job whose responsibilities include shadowing studio chief Brad Grey and assuring him he's having a "tall day." [Variety]
· An LA judge continues to bar producer Bob Yari from removing Cathy Schulman and Tom Nunan's names from The Illusionist credits through the film's August release, a setback to those who relish a good, old-fashioned Hollywood pissing match. [THR]
· Wall Street investors seem pleased that CBS Corp's Les Moonves' plans for world domination now include film production. [Variety]

Trade Round-Up: Moonves Considering Getting Into Wrasslin' Pictures

Mark — Wed, 21 Jun 2006 12:29:46 PDT

· The hands-down winner of the most intriguing lede of the day: "Few grown men get as fired up about princesses and fairies as Andy Mooney..." Also, "Magic blingdom" is a pretty amusing title. Is everyone at Variety totally high today? [Variety]
· Bloodthirsty CBS Corp warlord Les Moonves muses about taking baby-steps towards getting into the movie business, with an eye towards eventually crushing Viacom rival Tom Freston's Paramount product. [THR]
· HBO's Lucky Louie pulls in some decent ratings numbers after a week's worth of showings following its low-rated series premiere. [Variety]
· Natalie Portman and Eric Bana are in negotiations to star in The Other Boleyn Girl, a period drama whose lavish costumes will probably afford Portman yet another opportunity to avoid tastefully done cinematic nudity. [THR]
· News Corp wil expand MySpace into countries like France and Germany, where teenagers previously lacked a way to share their favorite Fall Out Boy songs in a web-based medium. [Variety]

Trade Round-Up: Janet Jackson's Nipple Still Worth $550K

Mark — Thu, 01 Jun 2006 13:23:03 PDT

· "Bombastic" Marvel Studios head Avi Arad, the man responsible for making sure that even the most obscure Marvel comic book character had a movie deal somewhere in Hollywood, is leaving the company for a production deal, a move suspiciously timed in the wake of his selling his shares in the company for a reported $60 million. [Variety]
· The Super Bowl nipple fine stands! The FCC decides that it was correct in penalizing CBS $550,000 for the indecent exposure of Janet Jackson's armor-plated areola. [THR]
· The actual news in this story isn't nearly as important as the side-by-side pictures of Topher Grace and Imagine superproducer Brian Grazer, which looks like a worst case scenario rendering of what Grace might look like in 25 years. [Variety]
· CBS supreme leader Les Moonves reassures his network affiliates that they're focused on their on-air programs, promising that their new, token foray into internet content delivery, Innertube, would feature nothing better than low-cost, grainy webcam video of Moonves attending to various personal hygiene tasks or the occasional trip to a Mystic Tanning center. [THR]
· Brad Pitt will hardly have time to enjoy his new baby, as he has to shoot Ocean's 13 this summer and fulfill various promotional duties for Babel and his Jesse James movie in October. You know, if Angie lets him. [Variety]

Trade Round-Up: Mutants Vs. Malediction On Memorial Day

Seth — Fri, 26 May 2006 12:16:22 PDT

· Variety leads with the story, "Will 'Code' erode?," which asks how X-Men: The Last Stand will fare at the box office this weekend opposite the still strong Da Vinci Code. Leading us to wonder out loud, "Does the mere posing of a question really qualify as a news story?" Or, for that matter, a lame trade round-up joke? [Variety]
· NBC's program-grid shell game has their competitors snickering behind their scrawny, fourth place ass. But it could well be they who laughs last, when Super Deal or No Deal, featuring a stadium of 1000 models holding briefcases containing amounts from $.01 to $1,000,000,000, devours the Thursday 6 p.m. to 1:30 a.m. time slot. [Variety]
· Canadian networks divvy up this year's American TV offerings, then frantically futz with their schedules in an adorable attempt at mimicking the habits of their neighbor to the south. [Variety]
· Morgan Freeman is close to signing on to Gone, Baby, Gone, Ben Affleck's directorial debut from a script he wrote, answering the age old question, "How many motorcycles does it take to get Morgan Freeman to star in your big comeback vehicle?" [THR]
· Les Moonves tells shareholders that CBS has gotten off to "a terrific start" since its divorce from Viacom, a less than subtle dig at rival Tom Freston. And somewhere in Heaven, the legend goes, the Angel of Corporate Honcho Harmony yelps in pain as a clump of wing feathers is instantly torn off. [THR]