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Posts Tagged “lauren conrad”

words of wisdom

The Hills: 'I Want To Get My Hands In There And Make Myself Available To You'

Even though zombified Whitney and scandal-plagued Audrina didn't have much to teach us on last night's wisdom-packed episode of The Hills, Spencer, Heidi and Lauren blew our minds with life lessons we'll carry with us forever. And despite not saying anything that even remotely resemebled wisdom, it must be said that Justin Bobby, with his new haircut, has officially reignited our Bad Boy Crush phase. Intrepid Defamer Videographer™ Molly McAleer worked her magic to present the episode's most eye-opening moments, which we've broken down into three essential bits of knowledge:


1. How To Advance Your Career By Seducing The Boss! Without an annoying dandruff-headed fiance to keep her busy, Heidi is focused on her job as some kind of powerful publicity manager who rose through the assistant ranks by age 21 using one simple method: subtly let your male boss know you want to "get your hands in there" and "make yourself available" to them moments after uncrossing your legs.

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5:50 PM on Tue May 6 2008
By Molly Friedman
10,653 views, 15 comments

Latest by Jamo: @Desk_hack: Har har. Your sarcasm has the subtlety of a jackhammer. more »

words of wisdom

The Hills: 'Going To Semi-Formal With Him Does Not Make Him Your Boyfriend'

Hey, where's Kristin Cavallari? And Jason Wahler? And that one chick with the huge cans? Oh, hi there! In case you hadn't noticed, Molly is out sick today, which leaves your Uncle Grambo the pleasure of being your host for this week's installment of "The Hills: Words Of Wisdom." Truth be told, I have never seen an episode of the show, which leaves me relatively unprepared to contextualize the goings-on of this band of famepires. While I harbor no doubts that a fair number of Defamer readers actually enjoy The Hills (regardless of whether you like it as a show or as a cultural phenomenon), I'm guessing (hoping?) that most of you are not watching this to catch up on the plot summary. Rather, you're watching it for the same reason that I do, which is because it enables us to wallow around in the schadenfreude like a pig rolls around in mud on a hot summer's day. So, with that, please enjoy this week's episode (crafted lovingly, as always, by Molly McAleer). [MTV]

4:00 PM on Tue Apr 29 2008
By Mark Graham
4,313 views, Comment

words of wisdom

The Hills: 'Don't. Freak. Out.'

Underneath that swarthy, dirty-haired facade that Hills heartthrob/bastard Justin Bobby exudes lies an astonishing ability to inspire the rest of the cast with his wildly profound life lessons. His highly anticipated return to the habitually bland "reality" show jump-started whatever brain cells our blonde professors possess after popping all those producer-supplied Adderalls. In one particularly Carrie Bradshaw-esque line, our antihero explains, "It's not nice when you fall away from people, but when you kind of regroup again, it's..." Sure, we don't learn what "it" is, but still. Sheer poetry. As you'll see in our clip masterfully crafted by Intrepid Defamer Videographer&trade Molly McAleer, there were lessons aplenty last night. One prime example from dearest dead-eyed Audrina? A Webster-worthy definition of the term "date like a date date." [MTV] More »

3:55 PM on Tue Apr 22 2008
By Molly Friedman
7,523 views, 4 comments

Latest by snarkordie: If the return of JustinBobby means more James Franco parodies, I'm all for it. more »

words of wisdom

The Hills: 'How Can You Love And Hate Someone So Much At The Same Time?'

Oh dear. After weeks spent learning about ancient proverbs and analyzing the relationship between women and fashion, the cast of The Hills has gotten their manicured hands dirty. Moving on from worldly life lessons, the girls dove highlights first into Relationships 101. McCain endorsette Heidi raised a good question last night: "How can you love and hate someone so much at the same time?" And her sort-of boyfriend Spencer provided some guidance. As his Adderall eyes flickered and his surfer boy voice reached shrieky heights, he attempted to explain something "everyone on the planet" knows: the difference between "Relationship-acation" and breaking up. But no matter how totally profound Spencer may have appeared, queen bee Lauren drowsily piped in with a brief lesson on boys who are "scum." Enjoy this video, crafted with loving care by Molly McAleer. [MTV]

3:00 PM on Tue Apr 15 2008
By Molly Friedman
5,160 views, 9 comments

Latest by Sasquatch: And this, ladies and gentlemen, is why the terrorists hate us. more »

like omg no way

The Reality Behind 'The Hills': Adderall Addicts And Cat Pee

It's really a shame that the storylines we see on The Hills aren't as "real" as MTV claims they are, since the blonde cast's off-screen lives seem far more colorful than what we see on the show. This season we've trudged through (yawn) yet another ongoing catfight between Heidi and Lauren, and barely kept our eyes open while slowest speaker in the world Whitney learns how to cope with a new job. But rumors surfacing today involving real-life catfights between Lauren and roomie Audrina, plus not-so-blind items suggesting the entire cast is fed drugs by producers, make us wish this "unscripted" drama would throw out the scripts already. More »

11:40 AM on Thu Apr 10 2008
By Molly Friedman
6,336 views, 7 comments

Latest by BoHan: Hmmm, well Lauren has one cat, Ashes, and Audrina is allergic to it, so it stays in Lauren's bedroom. So it sounds like Spencer is mouthing off to Perez yet again. more »

words of wisdom

The Hills: Words Of Wisdom

Last night's double dose of The Hills was so jam-packed with Words of Wisdom that Intrepid Defamer Videographer Molly McAleer feels, like, one thousand percent smarter after putting this piece together. And you'll feel similarly after watching, we promise. From Friendship 101 to deep discussions on ancient British proverbs ("It's just water under the bridge. Wait, is 'water under the bridge' an expression, right?"), Lauren, Heidi, Whitney and Methanie Pratt were dishing out more stellar advice than Dr. Phil. And, as usual, one of our favorite gems came from nudie photo scandal subject Audrina, who pretty much summed up everything we're going to learn from our blonde life professors this season: "That's weird how the world works." So. True. [MTV]

3:40 PM on Tue Apr 8 2008
By Molly Friedman
7,322 views, 17 comments

Latest by LoSpaz: @JulieJewel: Nose! more »

words of wisdom

The Hills: Words Of Wisdom

Please join us for our latest installment of The Hills: Words of Wisdom. As we learned last week, the cast is very gifted when it comes to doling out life lessons, and last night's back-to-back episodes contained no shortage of incredibly valuable tips and advice when it comes to just, you know, living life and stuff. Among the topics briefed in today's feature are the benefits of quitting smoking ("the whole no-cancer thing!"), why computers are just silly (they're "hard"), and one very profound discover made on behalf of Mr. Spencer Pratt: "There's no bright side." Spencer, were we in your position of bleachy dumpdom, relying on Sister Methanie for advice, we couldn't agree more. Watch, and as always, learn.

4:10 PM on Tue Apr 1 2008
By Molly Friedman
5,063 views, 6 comments

Latest by StevieRayHalen: I've never seen any of the Hills before. That 51sec. clip is like video ipecac syrup. "Wow, like you work a JOB? ... like what's THAT like?..." I had no idea I could hate that much. more »

words of wisdom

The Hills: Words Of Wisdom

Today marks the first edition of "The Hills: Words Of Wisdom," a new weekly feature in which the bleached blonde cast of "real people" indulges us with life lessons worth learning. On last night's Season Four premiere, the one-hour chickfest was jam-packed with girly fever, tears, ruined dresses, dates with French rockers, and Spencer's Lucy Ball 'do. But the most important thing to take away from all that femitude is the wise words of heroines Lauren Conrad, Whitney Port and former meth addict Stephanie Pratt. This show is more than just quick flashes of fancy parties and shoes, combined with solemn pouts over which guy to tease; The Hills is the modern day version of Emily Post's guide to good etiquette. Thanks to the keen skills of Intrepid Defamer Videographer™ Molly McAleer, now you can learn just what to do when you feel nauseous over the loss of designer shoes ("breathe"), whether or not boys are hotter in LA or Paris ("way hotter in Paris"), and most importantly, how to successfully mount a motorcycle while wearing a dress worth more than your house. [MTV]

5:04 PM on Tue Mar 25 2008
By Molly Friedman
10,256 views, 23 comments

Latest by BoHan: @B-Side: Yeah, the situations have become more and more stagey as MTV has demanded that even more episodes be aired on a weekly basis for longer stretches - LC's life is just way too boring for that. But that's OK, more »

art porn

Audrina Patridge Wants All Three Of Her Fans To Know That Those Nudie Pics Were Art

The latest trendy excuse floating through the manipulative minds of Young Hollywood? Nude photo shoots are totally artistic! As we reported yesterday, Hills sidekick and all-around Mensa candidate Audrina Patridge completed a scheduled spread for Playboy, only to have the story nixed (we've never, ever taken a glimpse at the mag ourselves of course, but our "friends" tell us B-cups aren't a common theme in Hef's airbrushed centerfold ouevre). But after the photos were released in all their Catholic school girl, cowboy hat glory, Patridge is pulling a Dina Lohan and claiming the bonerific shots are totally just art, guys: "I intended them to be artistic and not in any way provocative." After the jump, the wise one's words of advice for all the young wannabe actresses out there hoping their ticket to stardom will come in the form of artsy T&A:

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1:01 PM on Thu Mar 20 2008
By Molly Friedman
12,778 views, 3 comments

Latest by mccauller=texaspride.: So, wait. How is it that her eyes actually focus in all of these pictures, and since she's been on The Hills, they, well, don't. I honestly don't understand this phenomenon. more »

generation gaps

David Letterman Attempts To Unravel The Puzzlement That Is Lauren Conrad

How far David Letterman has come in his interactions with reality stars since the days when he'd require visiting Survivor castaways to stand in quarantine, disinterestedly lobbing questions about insect-ingestion from a contagion-safe distance of 15 meters. Now, they climb right into the chair next to him, just like real stars!

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11:51 AM on Wed Mar 19 2008
By Seth
4,577 views, 7 comments

fame game

Twenty New Reality Hopefuls Will Compete For Paris Hilton's Heart (And The Chance To Break It)

With Nicole Richie playing house for the next five minutes or so, Kim Kardashian having moved on to mall clothing endorsements and her own show, and sister Nicky entrapped in a brand new anorexia scandal, Paris Hilton has no one to play with. Not even her hypersexual litter of puppies. So she's prepared to do what Britney and Jessica Simpson did before her: pay someone to be her friend. Teaming up with MTV and Ish Entertainment, Paris announced the debut of her next reality show, Paris Hilton's My New BFF, in which 20 lucky boys and girls will prove to Paris that they're capable of being loyal, trustworthy pals who won't try to feel her up or plan porny video attacks mid-party. As Paris herself put it, "[I am looking for] someone I can just trust, someone who's not gonna stab me in the back like has happened a lot in this town, someone I can have fun with." But what does the winner get in exchange?

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10:38 AM on Fri Mar 14 2008
By Molly Friedman
3,770 views, 12 comments

Latest by Final: They need a law in LA to stop feeding the Attention Whores... and against plaid shorts that don't match your shirt and shoes... more »

a call to the bullpen

Mrs. Roper Makes A Triumphant Return To Hollywood

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