Our favorite part of the clip as a whole? Letterman doesn't hesitate to a) request a closer look at Maggie's gorgeous legs, or b) attempt to hide his interest in what one does "for pain like that." We're, as always, impressed by Dave;s trademark method of wrapping perviness in a cute, toothy, smiley and lovable package.

• THE LATE SHOW WITH DAVID LETTERMAN [CBS]

”I don't really get why she'd use my name to get press for her little indie film that no one's going to see...I know I've made it in Hollywood when a famous troll is talking about me on Letterman...I forgive her, though. She's had to go through life as the less cute twin, which must be tough."

As the war between actual working actress Olsen and reality trash-talker Pratt heats up, we dug up evidence that this battle has a much longer history than we thought. After the jump, the sordid high-school photo scandal that sparked the Olsen vs. Pratt battle years ago.

In the Us piece, Spencer throws a curveball into the mix by stating he and Mary-Kate didn't even attend the same high school, which is (not scientifically, by any means) actually evident on several "news" sites. But whether or not Olsen's quietly harsh comments about Pratt's soccer game hissy fits are slightly tarnished by this info, the two most certainly spent time socializing before Olsen hit her NYU hobo years and anyone on the planet knew who Pratt even was. After revisiting a Details profile on Spencer and his then-partner in crime Brody Jenner from last year, we noticed this plum detail: "the guy...will proudly tell you he made $50,000 in high school by selling a photo he took of Mary-Kate Olsen drinking at a party." One search through an Olsens fan site later turns up the picture in question, which looks less to us like evidence that MK is a "drunk" lush, and more like evidence that MK has always been the pruney-smiling party girl we've grown to know and love. Not to mention that Spencer, pictured upper left, has always been incredibly scary to look at. Team Olsen is where we remain.

[Photo credit: Olsen-Twins-News.com]

• SPENCER PRATT: ACTRESS MARY-KATE OLSEN IS THE LESS CUTE TWIN [Us]
• THE CREEP WHO MADE $50K BY SNAPPING MARY-KATE 'DRUNK' [Olsen-Twins-News]

Though we're sure Mary-Kate and Dave, evoking more chemistry as a comedy duo than Dave and Paul ever have, planned the awkward set-up in advance, Letterman's inquiry into Mary-Kate's famous high-school buddies not-so-surprisingly led to Olsen spilling the beans on Pratt's notorious "temper" while playing for her school's soccer team. According to MK, Pratt would get in violent fights with the coach and walk off the field in huffs regularly. Dave excitedly jumps in with a series of convoluted and delightful questions like, "How does someone his age get to be so oily?" and "Isn't he wormy?" Olsen, just on the verge of participating in the rant, impressively takes the high road by successfully pulling off a (funny!) non sequitur into promoting her film. Her old lady posture aside, Olsen has officially unveilied her A-game these last few weeks. If only she would come back to Weeds and save the Botwins from Mexico captivity by distracting the border guards with her hypnotizing laughing shoulder heaves, we might even throw a few buckets of red paint at PETA members in her honor.

• THE LATE SHOW WITH DAVID LETTERMAN [CBS]

• The Late Show With David Letterman [CBS]

Dave scores his first points by feigning interest in an updated report on whatever current catfights have been set up by MTV producers between the interchangeable Hills blondes, then swiftly admitting he "has no idea" what he's talking about. But the slam dunks occur after successfully recruiting the audience to his side of the increasingly tense verbal battle, and launching into an initially innocent inquiry about rumors Pratt charges fees just to show up at nightclubs.

Pratt's decision to surpass Linda Evangelista in braggart pretension by saying (twice! and with the support of camera-ready partner in crime Heidi Montag in the green room!) he won't get out of bed for less than $100k with a straight face spurs genuine belly laughs and the classic Letterman customized-to-each-guest rebuttal: "Stop it, just stop. For a second there, I thought you actually said $100,000." But he doesn't stop there, asking Heidi if this "nonsense" is true, and pondering out loud about what kind of tricks Pratt performs to garner this fee ("bring a pony and have kids take their picture with it?"). By the time he passive-aggressively tells Spencer to get his scrawny ass and enormous head to get the fuck off his couch, Dave officially reclaims his late-night crown and reaffirms our confidence in the recently dusty goofball's improvised wizardry.

• THE LATE SHOW WITH DAVID LETTERMAN [CBS]

Still, you don't need words to identify the sadness behind those eyes: Hardened by a million little tabloid items and passed homeroom notes, they tell the story of a childhood squandered inside a Palms hotel recording studio and countless Long Island-accent-eradication sessions, the monotony of the fame-machine only occasionally interrupted when mom smuggles in a six-pack of Seagram's Escapes and a pack of Merit Ultra Light Menthol 100s.

• Late Show

Judging by her appearance on The Late Show Friday night, Liv Tyler isn’t wasting any time moping over her recent separation from husband Royston Langdon. Showing up in a body-hugging little black silk dress, its lace top doing little to cover up cleavage, and pounds of makeup covering her typically bare face, it looks as though Tyler is taking a page from the Gwyneth Paltrow Guide To Hot Rock Moms. But does the trampy look work on Tyler? A closer look after the jump.

Tyler tried the whole vamp thing as that redheaded pin-up in One Night At McCool's, but we vastly prefer Liv as the vanilla nice girl who's way too beautiful to ever need makeup. Like her grungy, flannel-wearing Empire Records part, or really, any Aerosmith video she ever pole-danced or lap-danced her way through. This Jessica Rabbit look may nab the attention of those sidewalk schlubs below, but Liv is one of those rare actresses with the enviable capability of going out in jeans and no lipstick, still looking red-carpet ready.

[Photo credits: Splash]

• FROM ELF TO VAMP: NEWLY SINGLE LIV TYLER'S SHOCKING LOOK [Daily Mail]

Part of this easygoing showmanship comes from LaBeouf's teenage years in Echo Park, where despite being nearly the only white kid for miles, he blended in. He picked up freestyle rapping. He was, he says, "a major dozens player" at a mostly black school. Just so he could hang out with his friends, he learned how to breakdance. "It was sort of your greeting card," he says. "Like, yeah, I'm white, but I have soul."

The rest derives from what you might call family tradition: Shia's forebears include a long line of counterculture roughnecks and artistes manqués. His maternal grandfather—from whom Shia takes his name—was a comedian and Mafia barber on New York's Lower East Side, and his dad's parents were a Cajun Green Beret who drank himself to death and a beatnik lesbian who hung out with Ginsberg. This star-crossed tradition continued with his parents: Mom, a Jewish Earth Mama who sold handmade jewelry at local fairs; Dad, a Willie Nelson look-alike who was also a Vietnam vet, convicted felon, and commedia dell'arte clown. Pop was the sort who grew pot along the Santa Monica Freeway and thought of karate as a great way to meet the ladies.

Shia proved to be exactly the sort of natural-born hustler that this oddball family needed. While he was still a toddler, the LaBeoufs started something called the Snow Cone Family Circus, whose business plan was based on the notion that their Latin neighbors in Echo Park really dug hot dogs and clowns. All three LaBeoufs would dress in greasepaint and motley and run around the park improvising slapstick routines, trying to get some of the riches of the late Reagan era to trickle down their way.

Reading about the colorful characters inhabiting the various outgrowths of the LaBeouf Family Marijuana Leaf only renders Shia's unlikely journey all the more satisfying. This was no scion of an A-list Hollywood clan, plum career opportunities handed over to him along with keys to the Beemer on a silver platter. No, this was a young man who labored his way up from the notoriously difficult Echo Park vaudeville and cured meat circuit, up through the ranks of the Belmont High King Flares varsity hip-hop club, and ultimately managed to survive a stint inside the Disney Channel childhood-erasing machine, to land where he is today: Carrying blockbusters, and telling the story about the time he got so wasted, he had to change his clothes three times to buy a single pack of cigarettes—and through it all, somehow managed to still wind up in jail. This, ladies and gentleman, is a star.

• THE (HOT-DOG-VENDING, KNIFE-FIGHTING, BREAK-DANCING, SPIELBERG-WOOING) ADVENTURES OF YOUNG SHIA LABEOUF [men.style.com/gq/]

• WATCH VIDEO

In total fairness, we think it's now time to hear the men's side of the story, at which point we think we'll have all the evidence required to adequately draw our conclusions: That means not only an appearance by Montag's oily albino fiancé Spencer Pratt, but also Conrad's beer-bloated, recidivist ex-boyfriend, Jason Wahler. (From his MySpace profile: "Jason Wahler®'s Interests: girls, baseball, basketball, hockey, surfing, skim boardin, music, chillin, watching tv, partys. Like i said typical guy.")

• Late Show [cbs.com]

BONUS: Speaking of flashing...

• The Late Show With David Letterman [CBS]

• WATCH VIDEO

• WATCH VIDEO

• WATCH VIDEO

Did you watch? See, totes charming, right? Now, compiled here for your convenience, are the five most interesting things we learned from that little exchange:
1) Clooney wears a robe while getting ready for bed.
2) Brittney Spears is his neighbor.
3) He has an assistant named Angel who sometimes lives in his guest house.
4) He is not afraid to grab a baseball bat and confront a robber.
5) He would make a terrible hostage negotiator.

That is all.

• Late Show With David Letterman [CBS.com]

In this case, Judy was asked (probably not so politely) by the production team of Traveling to dye her hair red so audiences in Iowa wouldn't get her character confused with leading lady Jennifer Aniston. As ridiculous as that notion (and request) was, Judy Greer is a trouper and, of course, went for it. And we're here to let Judy know that it could've been worse. Think of it this way ... at least you weren't digitally bazoomed!

• The Late Show With David Letterman [CBS]

In this clip, watch the former model's masterful skills of desperately convincing Dave and his audience that she's totally hot, no matter how asexually rugged she appears in the photos in question. Our favorite moment comes when Dave flashes the mag's cover, featuring Madonna in one of her newly standard crotch-flashing poses, and Brooke says under her breath, "I didn't get the cover...I think I'm a little bit of competition inside." Yes, Brooke, those shots of you looking like a cross between Annie Lennox and Jamie Lee Curtis really do give Madge a run for her money.

• LATE SHOW WITH DAVID LETTERMAN [CBS]

Whether she's introducing her audience to the magic of whiskey sours, or waxing enthusiastic about her love of vodka to Mer, or simply listing every single drink imaginable to poor perplexed Dave (um, did she really just say "wine spitzer"? We knew she had a funny bone, but among all the Luv Guv-related scandalicious terminology thrust at us from every media outlet we tune in to, that's gotta top our lists), Martha is no longer just the Queen of napkin-folding and flower arrangements. We're hiring her to bartend our next birthday party.

• THE MARTHA STEWART SHOW [Official Site]

As Letterman's clip gruesomely shows, Rinna not only goofed by congratulating Adams on her Oscar nomination this year (c'mon, even our aunt in Sacramento with no cable knows who was nominated!), but also had no recollection of Amy's nom two years ago for her role in Junebug. Which delightfully reminds us of one of our favorite Defamer clips so far this year, in which Rinna and her shoved-together silicone enhancements cackled along with Casey Affleck on the SAGs carpet. From asking him a very important question regarding what kind of gum he was chewing, to forming her "questions" in the style of "So, I just watched two of your movies, which one do ya think I watched first?", we're left with a teary revolutionary need to form a petition to get Joan back on the air, stat.

• THE LATE SHOW WITH DAVID LETTERMAN [Official Site]

When you get right down to it, it's not surprising why Dave took such a fancy to Blake. After all, she's young (20 years old), tall (5'10") and blonde. Um, there's also the fact that she's totally into him! Witness how her body language changes from the time that she sits down to the time that Dave clasps her hand and then kisses it ever so gently. Blake may be young in terms of age, but she plays the moment like a showbiz veteran; mere seconds into the interview, she has Dave eating out of the palm of her hands. And kudos to Dave for playing along, especially considering that interviews like this likely result in him catching all kinds of flack from his babymama. Even though nothing will likely ever come from this moment of televised flirtation, it's moments like this where we are reminded for the umpteenth time why we tune into watch Dave every night instead of Jay.

• Late Show With David Letterman [CBS]

Realizing, perhaps, that he may have gone too far in pursuit of the hard questions left unanswered ever since Larry King's softball tournament, an apologetic Letterman invited Hilton back for a redo. There she was free to discuss her many exciting straight-to-her-reel movie projects and crappy-apparel lines to her heart's content, and, as the video above demonstrates, discuss she did. Some may interpret this as caving; we see it as something else entirely—the host offering Hilton all the self-plugging rope she needed to fashion the hottest noose you've ever seen, leaving us with only the words, "The Hottie or the Nottie: In Theaters Never" scrawled across a nearby mirror in Paris-brand lipstick by way of a goodbye note.

• Late Show with David Letterman
• Previously: David Letterman Interrogates Paris Hilton On Prison Life [Defamer]

Now that the story has penetrated the mainstream media, the award-show-disrupting bar has been set incredibly high; unless Jack Nicholson takes it upon himself to top the DGA stunt by standing atop his front-row Oscar seat and extending two middle fingers in the direction of Best Actor winner Daniel Day-Lewis as an act of protest for his Bucket List snub, there's virtually no chance even Hollywood's Biggest Night will provide the same kind of transgressive thrill.

• Late Show With David Letterman [CBS.com]
• Previously: Sean Young Ejected From DGA Awards For Being Overserved? [Defamer]

The scribes, of course, are still out there, but with scripted TV production shut down, long gone are the opportunities for Eva Longoria, fresh from shooting a scene and in full hair and makeup, to steal away the limelight from actresses in frumpy picket-casual outfits by dramatically breaking down in tears and delivering sympathy pizzas to hungry protestors.

• Late Show With David Letterman [CBS.com]

· In a move sure to broaden the film's appeal among urban audiences but which probably won't be met with approval by hard-core fanboys, Tyler Perry has joined the cast of JJ Abrams' Star Trek, in which he'll play the sassy, fat-suited grandmother figure who runs Starfleet Academy. [THR]
· THR declares the record-setting 2007 The Year Of The Thrilling Threequel, noting that four of last year's 10 top-grossing films were no-brainer third installments of established blockbuster franchises. [THR]
· Meanwhile, the grosses for "specialty" films were down 4% in 2007, which couldn't rely on the public's insatiable appetite for pirates and superheroes to spur them to box office heights. [Variety]

• The Return of Late Night Coverage [Defamer]

• WATCH VIDEO

On last night's Late Show, David Letterman tried to gird his audiences for the unpleasant TV realities that await them, even allowing for the possibility that he and Paul Shaffer could suddenly disappear, a network mercy-killing that would spare them from months of trying to fill dead air with agonizingly strained banter punctuated by Shaffer's trademarked blasts from his Hammond organ.

The Late Show with David Letterman [CBS.com]
• Previously: The WGA Calls For A Strike; Writers To Spend Weekend Pitching Picket Sign Slogans [Defamer]

• Late Show [CBS.com]
• Previously: The Britney Spears VMA Trainwreck Explained [Defamer]

So overcrowded is the summer movie marketplace that the only way to distinguish one's upcoming blockbuster product from the blowing-shit-up competition is to hit the talk show circuit and recreate some of the fun that awaits fickle moviegoers upon their next trip to the multiplex.

On last night's Late Show, game Live Free Or Die Hard star Bruce Willis did the best he could with what was left of Fox's promotional budget following yesterday's impressive airborne display over Los Angeles, setting off a "Ka-Bruce" firework (Chinatown stall street price: $1.49) intended to preview the many thrilling big-screen explosions the action hero encounters during the film. Unfortunately for Fox , Paramount has booked Fourth of July weekend rival Transformers director Michael Bay on next Monday's Letterman show, whose better-funded stunt will involve driving a custom-made Bumblebee Camaro up to the guest chair; once Bay detonates the car following a predetermined laugh line and showers the live studio audience in a hail of deadly, white-hot shrapnel, the memory of Willis' quaint cherry-bomb spectacle will be completely erased.

• Late Show: Monday, June 25, 2007 [CBS.com]
• Previously: Fox Decides Lengthy, Profane Catch-Phrase Too Expensive For Skywriting [Defamer]

Late last night, all of America came to a standstill as Lindsay Lohan turned up on Letterman to help promote Georgia Rule (we'll assume it was a good faith effort to make up some of the time she missed due to "exhaustion" and "immaturity"), hoping that the perpetually troubled starlet might reveal what's actually going on in those blurry News of the World bathroom stall photos.

Instead, Letterman subjected Lohan to a brief true-or-false quiz (we're a bit confused: is the buzzer meant to indicate she's lying or to reinforce her debunking of false items?) about various stories the tabloid have written about her; eventually, the subject of Paris Hilton is raised (oh, yes, the host will go there), and while Lohan claims that Hilton has never struck her in the face and thinks her ongoing legal dilemma is "terrible," she refrains from publicly throwing her support behind the Paris Liberation Front, dealing a severe blow to the movement's clemency drive.

In other Lohan-related news, mom Dina's red carpet skills apparently leave something to be desired, as Georgia Rule co-star Jane Fonda seemed annoyed by her Lindsay-centric line of questioning.

• Late Show with David Letterman: May 9th [CBS]