Anna Nicole's Ex Buys Lingerie for Their One-Year-Old Daughter, A Nation Squirms

Pity Anna Nicole Smith's one-year-old daughter Dannielynn, who will grow up never having known her exhaustively documented mother. A tragedy to be sure, but one that fame-hungry babydaddy Larry Birkhead is determined to resolve in the most unorthodox fashion possible. If only there were some way (besides granting paid exclusives to The Insider) he could show Dannielynn just how much her mother meant to him...

Larry Birkhead paid nearly $3,000 at an auction Saturday for lingerie worn by late ex Anna Nicole Smith in a Playboy shoot.

Birkhead explained he paid $1,800 for a pink bustier and $1,000 for a white negligee because he wanted to give their 1-year-old daughter Dannielynn a keepsake of her mother.

One Year After Anna Nicole's Death, Birkhead And Stern Still Finding Ways She Can Make Money

Larry Birkhead Refuses To Let Pesky 'Insider' Cameras Stop His 17-Month Old Daughter From Grieving

Larry Birkhead and integrity go together like peanut butter and mayonnaise. While we have never held him in anything even remoting approaching regard, we think that this clip might one day go down as his lowest moment. That goes for those creeps over at The Insider, too. This clip of Birkhead trotting out Dannielynn to the Bahamian gravesite where her mother is buried repulses us on more levels than we care to count. But we'll try.

Creepy Men Who Define Themselves Through Their Associations To Anna Nicole Celebrate Her 40th Birthday

Had she lived, Anna Nicole Smith would have been 40 years old today; she'd also very likely be disoriented, naked but for a set of lipstick cat whiskers, and wandering around the lobby of a Florida Hard Rock hotel with a nearby Howard K. Stern capturing every pratfall on Hi-8. As ever-tabloid-present in death as she was in her drug-addled years on Earth, Entertainment Tonight commemorates the posthumous milestone by approaching the two most essential mapping points on the love-polygon that defined much of her life—Stern and Larry Birkhead:

Today, ENTERTAINMENT TONIGHT spoke to Howard K. Stern and Larry Birkhead as they shared their continued grief for Anna Nicole Smith on what would have been her 40th birthday.

Howard K. Stern Reunited With The Other Larry In His Life

Howard K. Stern dropped by Larry King Live last night, his first time swinging at the fossilized CNN inquisitor's legendary softballs since he appeared shortly after Daniel Smith's death to assure the world he was indeed Dannielynn's father. (He now explains that minor oversight away to some confusion over ovulation schedules and Anna Nicole hand-off times.)

Amazon's recommendation engine suggests shoppers looking for Rita Cosby's shocking Anna Nicole tell-all Blonde Ambition also check out bestselling O.J. Simpson pseudo-confessional If I Did It, the rationale presumably being that while reading up on two mysterious Hollywood deaths is nice, four is even nicer.

Stern Says $60 Mil Barely Enough To Cover Suffering Of Having World Think He'd Do Birkhead

Though it was Larry Birkhead who openly swore he'd sue Rita Cosby, to use the legal parlance, "back into the MSNBC rat-hole from which she first produced her twitching rodent snout," it is Howard K. Stern, the second half of the all-male coupling she licentiously described in Blonde Ambition, who's first to file suit:

Anna Nicole Smith's lawyer and companion, Howard K. Stern, filed a $60 million libel lawsuit Tuesday against Rita Cosby and her publisher over a book she wrote that claims Stern and Smith's ex-boyfriend, Larry Birkhead, had a sexual encounter.

Bahamas Nearly Ready To Look Into One-Year-Old Case Of Daniel Smith's Death

To be honest, we thought the Bahamas' authorities had undertaken their Daniel Smith inquest months ago, having concluded that the substance Howard K. Stern was spotted nervously disposing of down a hospital toilet moments after Anna Nicole's son's suspicious death must have been jars of his own collected tears, in anticipation of the strength he'd be required to show in the weeks to come. As it turns out, the much-delayed inquest is just about to get underway:

The long-awaited inquest in the Bahamas into the death of the son of former Playboy Playmate Anna Nicole Smith will begin on October 30, and could last two months, a senior judge in the Bahamas said on Monday.

Tabloid-Friendly Larry Birkhead Makes His Private Grieving Moments Work For Him

As father Larry reportedly enters final negotiations with the E! network to co-star in a reality show with daughter Dannielynn Hope Marshall Colby Dexter Fortensky Birkhead, sources close to the events continue to cast the Genetic Sweepstakes winner in a sinister light. Beyond the strenuously denied blow-job bombshells, we now have the testimony of former Birkhead bodyguard Mark Speer, who tells the NY Daily News of the time Larry arranged with paparazzi to be photographed grieving at the grave of Anna Nicole's son:

"They had arranged to wait in some bushes at the cemetery. They took pictures of Larry pretending to be sad and emotional at the grave site. Only the Splash guys weren't quite satisfied, so they asked him to do it again, and for me to get out of the picture. We did three takes. That was the first sign to me that Larry was in it for the money." [...]

Dannielynn To Be Slightly More Coherent Than Her Mother On Her Own E! Reality Show

Ignoring for a moment the outrageous claims that she was genetically engineered to keep her greedy gay daddies in handcrafted loafers and Bahamian houseboys well into old age, the fairytale ending we all dreamed of for Dannielynn Hope Smith Birkhead appears to have finally come to pass. Only days ago, she celebrated her first birthday, opening dozens of gifts at a lavish party. (Her favorite: a real, semi-dehydrated pony from "all your loving godparents at ET and The Insider.") Now, following in the unsteady footsteps of her mommy, she's already scored her first E! reality show:

The still unnamed reality show project is under development at the E! network. It will focus on Larry and baby Dannielynn's life after Anna Nicole Smith's death, according to a TV insider.

Tabloid Baby Milestones: Dannielynn Turns One

We thought we'd take a moment to put aside the scurrilous claims of videotaped, babydaddy-on-executor action being made in Rita Cosby's tell-all, and instead focus on this Insider footage of a 1st birthday party thrown for Dannielynn Hope Marshall Birkhead by doting pop Larry. (In Cosby's defense, between the "pink ballerina tutu" and "little girl pearls," this party was pretty gay, even for a one-year-old girl's birthday.) We know it's a cliché to say, but it really amazes us how quickly highly exploitable children grow up: It seems like only yesterday that The Insider was showing us exclusive images of Dannielynn being pried out of her mother's stomach in their heartwarming C-section birthing video.

• Exclusive: Dannielynn at Her Party! [theinsideronline.com]

Larry Birkhead's Mad As Hell: A Round-Up

As much of the world spent their Monday evenings funneling turpentine into their ears, hoping the primitive technique might somehow wash away the indelible vision of Larry Birkhead and Howard K. Stern engaged in "a compromising, intimate position," the two men figuring most prominently in the outrageous claims made by Rita Cosby's new book have begun to fight back. A round-up:
· On a Larry King Live guest-hosted by TMZ's Harvey Levin, Birkhead again dismissed the allegations made in the book, insisting it belongs next to "Harry Potter in the fiction aisle," among "similar, made-up acts of wizard-on-wizard depravity." [transcripts.cnn.com]

When Howard Met Larry: Rita Cosby Drops A Dirty Bomb

Last week, we were teased with news of "shocking" material contained within the pages of former MSNBC host Rita Cosby's bombshell-laden new book, Blond Ambition: The Untold Story Behind Anna Nicole Smith's Death. For a conspiracy-hungry public who never quite warmed to Howard K. Stern's svengali-like presence and his sudden coziness with overly highlighted babydaddy Larry Birkhead, it instantly conjured up a host of sordid scenarios—everything from lusty man-on-man trysts to black market baby sales, from systematic bimbo-druggings to involuntary face-painting. Now, a leaked manuscript reveals that Cosby's claims include all of the above, and more:

Sordid passages in the soon-to-be released book by former MSNBC journalist Rita Cosby describe how Anna Nicole and her friend allegedly caught Stern and Birkhead with their shirts off and their pants around their ankles in a Los Angeles home.

Jackie Hatten, described in the book as one of Anna Nicole's closest friends, said the men were engaged in oral sex.

Did Larry Birkhead Swap Dannielynn For $78 And A Tootsie Roll?

OK! magazine's dramatically unspecific allegations yesterday that Larry Birkhead is not the upstanding, profoundly moral soul we'd expect an Anna Nicole Smith ex to be left us to speculate on our own about his torrid secrets. Now, TMZ dumps lighter fluid and a match on the smoldering coals with suspiciously well-timed rumors that MSNBC anchor Rita Cosby's dishy Anna Nicole tell-all — conveniently available Sept. 4! — claims Birkhead slipped Howard K. Stern something entirely different:

Rumors are swirling about the book, Blond Ambition: The Untold Story Behind Anna Nicole Smith's Death, due out next week. TMZ has heard Cosby will say she has documents that prove Larry Birkhead essentially bought the baby from Howard K. Stern. The publisher is mum until next Tuesday.

'OK!' Dumps The Birkheads Due To Vague -- But Damning! -- Scandal

Those tender-hearted moralists at OK! magazine — who wrestled publicly with whether or not to print the pictures from its excrement-crusted Britney Spears shoot — are at it again: They now say they are dropping their planned exclusive coverage of Dannielynn on her first birthday. Since this can't possibly have anything to do with the glut of father-daughter pictures we just saw in Us Weekly, there must be some other, far more scandalous explanation—and there is! Please ready yourselves for earth-rending allegations that, unfortunately, can only be discussed with tantalizing vagueness:

American magazine OK! has made the shock decision to drop Anna Nicole's ex Larry Birkhead from a $US1.7 million deal, alleging he has "tricked us all".

Larry Birkhead Enjoys Newfound Celebrity Status At Teen Choice Awards